All of our sea days were so uneventful, I’ve run out of pictures from the boat. Therefore, here’s filler from the internet!

I did not take these pictures myself. The Internet did.Please enjoy them, and if you haven’t taken a break yet…

Also…

The final stop on our Mediterranean tour was the sleepy island country of Malta.

As we got off the boat, Adam did his best imitation of Eartha Kitt.

Malta was all decked out for Christmas.

Christmas is a widely celebrated event in Maltabecause the country is 98 percent Catholic.

I know what you’re thinking: “Dude, her husband is right there.” It’s not like that.

Adam and I were amazed by how pleasant Malta was.

And we weren’t even in the capital city of Valletta yet!

While walking, we met Ms. Millie. She and her husband were supposed to take the cruise together, but he died

beforehand.

Ms. Millie was worried after going through Egypt, so she asked us to walk with her a bit.

Malta was obviously much safer than Cairo,but Adam and I obliged.

Malta only had 6 murders last year, according to Nationmaster.com.Interpol says they have two murders for every 100,000 people!

Ms. Millie especially enjoyed the Christmas decorations.

Soon Ms. Millie felt confident enough to go off on her own,and Adam and I went off in search of Valletta, the Fort City.

“Dude, look over there.”

“I think that’s the entrance.”

Adam had a lot of questions about Malta.No matter how much he raised his hand, he learned nothing.

This is the Valletta City Hall.

These canons were fake, but there were a lot of security guards around, so it’s secure.

The security guards grabbed this guy and forced himto go somewhere else. No one is allowed on the steps.

Valletta has a big dip in the middle, so wherever you go, you’re either walking uphill or downhill.

Adam and I met a Turkish woman in Malta. She was handing out flyers for restaurants. She said the Maltese were racist.

Here’s me waiting for the perfect moment to push Adam over.

For most of Malta’s existence, it was a militaristic island.

That’s why there are cannons and forts all around it.

Fort St. Angelo

Malta’s entire harbor is surrounded by forts.That’s because Malta is also a port town.

Fort St. Michael

Its primary export is limestone.

Fort Ricasoli

Here’s one more addition to my collection of foreign boy scout pictures. I may need to rephrase that at a later date…

As much as we wanted to try this 400-year-old cellar’s pizza,we were afraid of bears and mole people.

So Adam and I went back downhill.

We went to the shopping sector of Valletta.

Adam bought a lot of Knights of Malta merch for his brother.

Malta was filled with churches and religious iconography.

That’s because the Normans took it from the Byzantines in 1901, and Sicily made Catholicism Malta’s state religion.

Maybe that makes sense, maybe it doesn’t.The point is, Malta has a lot of ties to Catholicism.

In the Acts of the Apostles, St. Paul was shipwrecked in Malta, and he preached to everyone on the island.

Malta’s tradition of Catholicism dates back to that.Some scholars say it happened in 60 AD.

Spain gave the Knights Hospitaller Malta in 1530.This religious order is referred to as the “Knights of Malta.”

They’re the ones who set up all of the crazy forts.

The thing about Malta is, it’s history is really complex.It’s been owned by the British, the Phoenicians, the Spanish…

…The Normans, the Greeks, the Romans, the French…

It was one big Mediterranean hot potato.

For lunch we stopped at a place called “Café Duex Baronnes.”

It had a really magnificent view.I could see all of the forts of Malta from my table.

We also had a great view of other tourists.

The view of Adam was the same as it always was.

Here’s me taking a picture of Adam taking a picture of other tourists.

We ordered a lot of traditional Maltese cuisine.Adam got “Ravjul” (Ravioli) and I got “Timpana.”

After eating, we walked around the city some more.

That meant more downhill walking.

And more Christmas decorations.

Somehow Adam found the one Jewish item in all of Malta.

At some point Adam and I ran into St. John’s Co-Cathedral.

I had never heard of it, but lots of folks were selling junk around it, so it’s probably famous.

I don’t know anything about this dude, either,but I assume his life was pretty good.

Here’s more of the Cathedral. Adam and I did not go inside. We did not want to pay money to go to church.

I admit that this picture is boring, but I wanted to convey how prevalent Christmas was in Malta.

There were a ton of teenagers in the main square of Valletta.I got the impression that they were like suburbanites.

Here’s a Maltese business capitalizing on Malta’s religious history.

And here are some more teenagers, only laying about Ancient Ruins.

If they’re not ruins, it’s a construction site. I don’t actually know.

Malta had the least interesting merchandise of all of the places we visited.

But the city did have some awesome business names.

Adam and I found yet another cathedral.

To Adam’s chagrin, I actually decided to go inside.

I can’t tell you what church this is, because there are so many in Malta, and I got lazy with my notes.

A priest was at the door, and he told me a donation was required for me to get in.

I only gave him one Euro.

Here’s a traditional Catholic statue:It’s a man stealing a baby.

Being on an island is pretty crazy, because you’re always 10 minutes away from the Mediterranean Sea at any time.

Adam and I considered going into Malta’s World War II Museum…

But it cost over 10 euro, so we walked right back out.

The best things in Malta are free.

This is how the Maltese recycle.I wanted to steal one and use it for a laundry hamper.

Apartments in Valletta look awesome, but rent is probably five condor eggs a month.

Since Adam and I were running out of things to do, we decided to go check out the Mediterranean Beach.

I actually dipped my hand into it.I am a world traveler!

Adam was not as impressed.Turns out he’s very hard to impress.

I will make this into an inspirational poster some day.“When life gives you an empty chair, sit and fish. And drink.”

I could see the other cities of Malta from where I was,and they looked about the same as Valletta.

This will be the cover of Adam’s Easy Listening album.

I like to think this graffiti marks every invading boat that was sunk during WWII, but it’s probably just a product of boredom.

We hadn’t seen any strays in Malta until this point.There were dozens of cats in these dinghies.

We spent about a half an hour on the beach.It was one of the most peaceful times of my life.

The Great Siege Bell Memorial was right next to the beach,so we went there next.

This bell was set up in 1992 to honor the 7,000 peoplewho died in the WWII Siege of Malta.

The Axis Powers fought the British from 1940 to 1942for control of Malta, because it’s in such a strategic location.

The memorial bell itself weighs 10 tons.

Once we finished taking pictures of the bell,I dragged Adam to a bar.

Delicious!

Adam and I started to head backonce I finished my glorious beer.

It was a long way down.

We found a tunnel full of excellent graffiti during our travel.

I would bet any amount of Euros it was done by teens.

Older folks won’t get this,but this is an excellent example of counterpoint.

Once we found City Hall again, Adam and I knew we were on the way back.

We were sad to leave Malta, because it was so beautiful.As I said then, it was the best way to relieve stress after

Egypt.