The ship had a few things for us to do...

It even had a waterslide!

But mostly we just stalked people.

We came into Greece through the port of Piraeus...

...Which is greeted by a statue of Poseidon!

We saw our first Greek Orthodox Church about a block away from the boat.

And our first Greek bank two blocks away!

What did one Greek ship say to the other?“Είστε ένα άσχημο σκάφος, και σας μισώ!”

While walking toward the subway, we saw some Greek nuns…

And some Greek…soldiers?

“Greece is a pretty stabilized country, right?”

Oh! It’s a religious ceremony!

That’s cool. I bring my gun to church all the time.

Adam and I continued through the streets of Piraeus…

…Not knowing what the hell the stores around us were selling.

We did find a Greek version of Toys ‘R Us.

But nothing else was notable.

So we hopped on the subway toward Athens.

While riding, we chatted with a nice family from our boat.

Then we stepped off into the world of Logan’s Run.

In Athens, the subway actually has ancient pottery on display.

And there were also no turnstiles. What trusting folk!

As soon as we got above ground, we saw the Acropolis.

And merchants with over-priced toys.

I actually bought one of those toys for my Little Brother, but it wasn’t there after my bag got through customs.

I wound up giving him Euros.

I fully expect him to have exchanged it for American dollars by now.

For those not in the know, the Acropolis is a flat-topped mountain in Greece

with a temple on it.

The buildings on and around it were erected in 6th Century B.C.

Even the scaffolds used to rebuild the site look old.

Adam said he could feel how ancient the stone was, but I call poppycock on that one.

Which is not to say it wasn’t incredible.I was mesmerized by the place.

I mean, look at this! How many centuries-old ruins do you have in your neighborhood park?

The Acropolis is so pretty, people are dying to get in.Waka Waka, chumps!

More people took shots on top of that place than Joe Frasier took to the face.

I say this to illustrate how much more beautiful the Acropolis is than Joe Frasier.

This is the Herodes Atticus theatre. Its namesake built it in 161 AD in honor of his dead wife, and it’s still in use today.

You will probably never see a show there.

Here is Adam looking for Greek Treasure. I was hoping he’d find a Kraken. He found nothing.

At the top of the Acropolis, we found the Parthenon.

The Parthenon was built in 438 BC to honor the goddess Athena.

“Hey, look at that!”“That mook’s taking a picture of us!”

This is the Erectheam.

It’s a lesser temple on the Acropolis. It was built for Athena’s “adopted son,”

a king of Athens.

The king is no more, though.These pigeons staged a coup.

This is the famed “tractor of the gods.”Athena used to use it during Acropolis tractor pulls.

The Parthenon has not always been “owned” by the Greeks.

In 6th Century AD, the Romans owned it,and it was a Catholic church.

The Ottomans turned it into a mosque in the 1460s.

Part of the temple blew in 1687 because the Turks kept gunpowder inside it,

and the Venetians shot a mortar at the walls.

Across from the Acropolis is Mount Lycabettus.The Greeks used to say that Athena dropped it there.

You know what? History is for losers. I’ll let you rest.

Look at these trees and buildings!

Adam took this shot while I hung him by his feet.Nah, I’m kidding.

I took this shot while hanging Adam by his feet.

This is the Theatre of Dionysius.It was built in 325 BC,

and it’s probably one of the first open-air theatres ever.

And here’s the Temple of Zeus. It’s pretty messed up.

Here’s Adam trying not to slip as he descends the Acropolis.

“One day…it will be mine.”

We weren’t sure were to go after the Acropolis...

But our tickets gave us access to a boatload of places.

We wound up going to the Mount of Zeus.

WHOA, that’s steep.

The strain of the climb is worth the sight.I didn’t have enough aerial views of trees.

I swear I was not photoshopped into this picture.

Once we got down, we went to Thiselo Park.

It’s a great place for making “screensaver” photos.

Adam was worried he couldn’t go in…

...Because some of it looked like a cemetery.

Kohen Jews are not allowed to enter cemeteries.

But it wasn’t a cemetery. So yeah.

There were lots of dogs hanging around in Greece.

LOTS of dogs.

There were so many mother-humping dogs.

They just walk around with nary an owner present.

I just put the whole free-range dog thing into the “Fereners are Weird” column.

Hey! Here are some old, broken-down statues!

And here’s Adam contemplating all of the broken-down statues around him.

And here’s a bodiless head...

“Jeez. This place is ruined!”

There is someone somewhere on the internetwho thinks that torso up there is hot.

Adam found a statue of some Roman Emperor who persecuted Jews. He made a point to shake his fist at him.

If there’s one thing I can tell you about Thiselo Park,it’s that it would not be a good park to play baseball in.

At the other end of the park we found the Temple of Hephaestus.

Remember Hephaestus? He’s that crippled dude who married Aphrodite.

There’s nothing inside but one of those elevating Genie lifts.

From the steps of the temple,I took some more “screen saver” shots of the Acropolis.

This is me ruining a “screen saver” shot with my face.

After the Temple, we went to the Tickets Office and got directions.

Some random Greek dog hung out with us while we waited.

Here are some umbrella salesmen! They are running from the police, who don’t want them to exploit tourists.

After the police left, they came back to sell umbrellas.

I stopped into a small taproom and got a shot of Ouzu.

Gaze upon my horrible, horrible victory.

Barely keeping the Ouzo down, I staggered down the street...

...To get a closer view of the Temple of Zeus.

The Roman Emperor Flavius Theodosius destroyed it in 426 AD. Earthquakes further affected the ruins.

It’s pretty neat.You can kinda’ see how the columns were put together.

The Olympic Stadium is right next to the Temple of Zeus.

Adam and I stood in front and pretended like we were athletes.

At this point we met a fellow traveler from our boat.His name was Eric, and he was not a retired elder!

Adam was suspicious at first, but Eric’s beard eventually charmed him.

While Adam and Eric tried to find out where we were,another ownerless dog approached me.

And another two.

They followed us into traffic and started attacking cars.

“Stop it, dog! What is your problem!?!”

The Greeks seemed unfazed. The dogs were fine.Perhaps I shouldn’t have been worried.

We eventually decided to go into the Acropolis Museum.

That’s where all of the priceless relics from the Acropolis are kept.

The front of the museum is actually an archeological dig site.

Anything found there or on the Acropolisgoes into the museum.

We didn’t spend much time there. It’s snooze-inducing.

We did see the Greek cub scouts on a field trip. That’s what I found the most…“not boring.”

After the museum, we started to head back.On the way, I found a Greek Santa in a store window.

Greece really does have a nice subway system.

A vagrant dog was in the port terminal to wish us farewell.“We’ll come back some day, dog. Why the puppy eyes?”