How to Escape the Doom Cycle and Start to Bloom

BLOOM!BLOOM!How to Escape the Doom Cycle and Start to Bloom

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There is Good News and there is Bad News

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there is Bad News for All Marriages

Bad News

Marriages were built to Fail

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Marriages were built to Fail

Good NewsMarriages were designed for

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Marriages were designed for your fullness of life and for

God’s glory

Doom Cycle

Bloom Cycle

Vs.

Whether you are fully aware of it or not, you are in one cycle or the other

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Cycle CycleVs.

The Challenge:Most people don’t know how to

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Most people don’t know how to effectively assess whether they are in Doom or Bloom….why?

Trusts in the LORDDelights in the law of the LORDOn his law meditates day and night

Leaves are always greenNever fails to bear fruitDoes not wither in the heat

Does not walk in the counsel of the wickedHeart is deceitful above all things

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Question: How do youknow the health of your marriage?

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marriage?

Brian Brian RhenRhen::•• Pastor• Marriage Coach• Married• Kids

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• Kids

5 Myths That 5 Myths That May Doom May Doom

Your Marriage!Your Marriage!

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Your Marriage!Your Marriage!

Myth #1: Wedding vows are the most important commitment you

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most important commitment you make

Myth #2: Most spouses know the other’s needs

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other’s needs

Myth #3: Certain things cannot be forgiven

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be forgiven

Myth #4: Communication gets better over time

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better over time

Myth #5: God’s purposes will naturally evolve

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naturally evolve

Myth #1: Wedding vows are the most important commitment you

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most important commitment you make (The Uncertain Couple)

COMMIT To “sacrificial” LOVECOMMIT To “sacrificial” LOVE

DAILY

This is my command: Love (agape) each other. John 15:17

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YEARLY

SEASONALLY

COMMIT TO “sacrificial” LOVECOMMIT TO “sacrificial” LOVE

-WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT -QUALITY TIME -GIFTS

5 Love Languages

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-GIFTS-ACTS OF SERVICE -PHYSICAL TOUCH

CHECKUP QUESTION #1

How often do you re-commit to sacrificially loving?

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sacrificially loving?

Committed to love?wife

complete

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Committed to love?

husband

completeroom to improve

room

to im

prove

Myth #2: Most spouses know the other’s needs (The Card Carrying

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other’s needs (The Card Carrying Couple)

CHERISH & RESPECT CHERISH & RESPECT However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself,

and the wife must respect her husband. Eph. 5:33

with cherish

she he

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with respect

she responds

he responds

she reacts

he reacts

without respect

without cherish

CHECKUP QUESTION #2

What is the degree you are currently cherishing (your

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currently cherishing (your wife) and respecting (your husband?)

Cherished and Respected?

wife

respectin

g

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Respected?

husband

cherishingroom to improve

room

to im

prove

Myth #3: Certain things cannot be forgiven (The Startup Couple)

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be forgiven (The Startup Couple)

BE GRACIOUS & FORGIVEBE GRACIOUS & FORGIVEBear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you

may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Colossians 3:13

Grace leaves space for

Forgivenessreleases

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space for error

“an attitude”

releases

“a process”

CHECKUP QUESTION #3

How capable are you of being gracious and of forgiving?

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gracious and of forgiving?

Gracious and Forgiving?

wife

complete

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husband

completeroom to improve

room

to im

prove

Myth #4: Communication gets better over time (The Yelling

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better over time (The Yelling Couple)

CHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDSCHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDSEveryone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.

James 1:19

Argument REACTING the other

Destructive offensive, names, sarcasm, violent = scarring

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Disagreement REACTING issue

Harsh defensive, personalities arise = separating

Normal dialogue RESPONDING each other

Kind attentive, encouraging = supporting

CHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDSCHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDSCIRCUMSTANCE

EMOTIONS Hurt, Fear, Want, Joy

THOUGHTS

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Hurt, Fear, Want, Joy

3 sec.

with self REACT“FLESH”

with GodRESPOND “SPIRIT”

CHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDSCHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDS

REACT: “STAND OFF” REACT: “TELL OFF”

RESPOND

“GRACE

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REACT: “GIVE UP” REACT: “HOLD ON ”

“GRACE

&

TRUTH”

CHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDSCHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDS

REACT: “STAND OFF” REACT: “TELL OFF”

Listen

Clarify Thoughts

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REACT: “GIVE UP” REACT: “HOLD ON ”

Clarify Thoughts

Identify Feelings

Right Tone, Time, Words

Find Compromise

CHECKUP QUESTION #4

Are you using the right words in your communication?

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in your communication?

Myth #5: God’s purposes will naturally evolve (The Chaotic

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naturally evolve (The Chaotic Churchgoing Couple)

SEEK A GREATER PURPOSESEEK A GREATER PURPOSEThe LORD will fulfill his purpose for me. Psalm 138:8

People

seldom hit

what they

do not

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do not

aim at.”

Thoreau

SEEK A GREATER PURPOSESEEK A GREATER PURPOSE

•Marriage Purpose Statement•Marriage Verse•Values (being)

The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me. Psalm 138:8

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•Values (being)•Goals (doing)•Dreams•Prayer

CHECKUP QUESTION #5

How purposeful is your marriage?

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your marriage?

BLOOM!

Where are you?

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Where are you?

FINAL CHECKUP FINAL CHECKUP Rank each on a scale of 1(weak) Rank each on a scale of 1(weak) -- 5(strong)5(strong)

______Commit to Love______Cherish & Respect

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______Cherish & Respect______Be Gracious & Forgive______Choose the Right Words______Seek a Greater Purpose

Do you want to grow in Do you want to grow in any of these five areas?any of these five areas?

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A 5-WEEK TUNE-UP FOR ANY MARRIAGE

Bloom!Bloom!Bloom!Bloom!Bloom!Bloom!Bloom!Bloom!A 5-WEEK TUNE-UP FOR ANY MARRIAGE

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•• 55--weeksweeks of live webinars of live webinars (1 per week)•• 11--yearyear of group of group teletele--coaching coaching (1 per month)•• LifetimeLifetime access to recorded materials access to recorded materials (including updated materials)•• 55--weeks weeks of follow-up e-course (1 per •• 55--weeks weeks of follow-up e-course (1 per week)

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•• ConvenientConvenient –– take from home

•• RepeatableRepeatable –– review anytime

•• Normally Normally $625 for 5-weeks

•• Only $249 for signing up today

•• < $50 < $50 per session per couple

•• 30-day money-back guarantee

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•• 15% 15% of proceeds donated

••Wings of Hope Wings of Hope –– radio-based marriage

ministry in Malawi

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When is Bloom?When is Bloom?

5 Wednesdays

Time: 7:30 PM – 9:00 PST

Starts February 2, 2011Starts February 2, 2011

February 9, February 16

March 2, March 9

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Sign up todaySign up today

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http://bit.ly/blkYPM