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Constructive Conversations in LeadershipThe POWER of PULSE

Dr. Nancy Love PhD

PREPARE, UNCOVER, LEARN, SEARCH, EXPLAIN

Uncover the Circumstances• Sources of Conflict

– Defining “RESPECT”– Differences in BEACHes

• Beliefs, Expectations, Assumptions, Concerns and Hopes

• Personality vs World View

– Saying too much or too little– Others???

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PREPARE FOR THE LEARNING• Protocol

– Gentle Honest Open Specific Talk

• Purpose – To promote People Using Language Skills Effectively

– This presentation is aimed at providing a practical introduction to Constructive Conversation for Leadership.

• Plan and Processes– Introduce Conflict Styles

» examining who you are dealing with

– Explore PULSE Concepts and Skills

» examining what to do with them

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PURPOSEParticipants will …

– Prepare for Constructive Conversations for Leadership

– Uncover the Frame and Conflict Styles

– Learn Skills for Constructive Conversations

– Search for applications for Constructive Conversations

– Explain a personal action plan

PROCESS• PREPARE for the Conversation

• Purpose, Process, Protocol, Authority, Audience, Roles and Time

• UNCOVER the Circumstance• What is the story?

• LEARN the Significance• Why is it important?

• SEARCH the Applications• What could be done?

• EXPLAIN a Plan of Action• What is agreed will be done?

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• Paraphrase• Open questions• Wait

• Empathize• Reframe

GHOST POWERHEART

• Hush• Empathize• Attend

• Reflect• Trust

PROTOCOL and Skills

• Gentle

• Honest• Open

• Specific

• Talk

Learn the significance in the present• Turn and Talk

– ‘A’ tells a story – 3 minutes– ‘B’ listens for answers to these questions

• What is it about?• Why is it important?• What could happen?• What will happen?

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The Frame

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P PP P

∆ ∆

P PP P

∆ ∆ P PP P

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∆ ∆P PP P

∆ ∆P PP P

How?How?

What next?What next?

What if?What if?

Why?Why?

What?What?

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CONVERSATION

Prepare for the Conversation• Introductions• Purpose• Process

• Protocol• Authority• Audience

• Roles • Time

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Uncover Conflict Behaviour• Three categories of people

– Past – emoters– Present – doers– Future – thinkers

• Three sub categories– First person– Second person– Third person

• Three types in each sub category– Detachers– Dutifuls– Dancers

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THREE ASPECTS:

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Climbing Conflict Mountain

T I M E Dana (2005)

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FORCES AT WORK IN CONVERSATION

Dan Dana•Inhibitory reflex •Desire for peace•Catharsis•Fatigue

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Cycles of PerceptionRed Zone Green Zone

Yellow Zone

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Cycles of PerceptionRed Zone Green Zone

Yellow Zone

LEVELS OF CONFLICT

• Crises: The relationship is on the verge of being terminated.

• Clashes: You feel tension, stress or anger when interacting.

• Blips: Your anger is mild and passes quickly.

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THE GROUND RULES• No Walk-aways

– Commit to stay in the conversation

• No Power-plays– Commit to speaking in a manner in which you

can be understood, and being open to what the other has to say

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•Courage

•Conviction

•Curiosity

•Conversation

SKILLS for CHANGING CYCLES

BE COURAGEOUS

• Gentle

• Honest

• Open

• Specific

• Talk

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• Hush• Empathize• Attend• Reflect• Trust

BE CONVINCED

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BE CURIOUS

• Paraphrase• Open Questions• Wait• Empathize• Reframe

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BE CONFIDENT• Prepare

• Uncover

• Learn• Search

• Explain

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• Power …CRITERIA around control and influence over others, for social status created by power differences

• Identity…CRITERIA around autonomy, self-esteem, positive self-image, self-determination and affirmation of personal values

• Justice…CRITERIA around equal and equitable treatment

• Inclusion…the need for acceptance into social groups

• Approval…the need for affection…to be liked

LISTENING FOR WHAT’S MISSINGBeliefs, Expectations, Assumptions, Concerns and Hopes

The Frame

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∆ ∆

P PP P

∆ ∆

P PP P

∆ ∆ P PP P

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∆ ∆P PP P

∆ ∆P PP P

How?How?

What next?What next?

What if?What if?

Why?Why?

What?What?

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SEARCH: POSSIBILITIES FOR Constructive Conversations (PULSE)

– Local Council Meetings– Negotiations or one on one– Mediations or third party intervener– Decision making or facilitation– Interviews with stakeholders, members, etc.– Investigations– Coaching others to deal with their own conflicts– Others?

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REVISIT PURPOSEParticipants will …

– Prepare for Constructive Conversations for Leadership

– Uncover the Frame and Conflict Styles

– Learn PULSE Skills for Constructive Conversations

– Search for applications for Constructive Conversations

– Explain a personal action plan

EXPLAIN: MY PERSONAL ACTION PLAN

• What?• When?• How?

• Who?• Where?• Resources needed

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Activity

Develop a personal action plan for putting your learning into practice.

Thank you for participating in this PULSE learning conversation.

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