Prof. Lakshman Madurasinghe, PhDProf. Lakshman Madurasinghe, PhDConsultant Psychologist, AttorneyConsultant Psychologist, Attorney
What is Counselling ?What is Counselling ?Why do we need it ?Why do we need it ?
Counselling may be defined Counselling may be defined as as
1.providing help and support 1.providing help and support to a clientto a client
2. creating a climate of 2. creating a climate of acceptanceacceptance
3. Assisting the client3. Assisting the clientto explore, understand and to explore, understand and
act (EUA) act (EUA)
It is a dynamic relationship It is a dynamic relationship between two or more between two or more
persons- A QUANTUM persons- A QUANTUM MODELMODEL
consiliumconsilium….grasp with….grasp with
sellansellan….to sell or deliver….to sell or deliver
counselling is delivered and counselling is delivered and counselee grasps together counselee grasps together
with counsellorwith counsellor
GOALS AND AIMS OF COUNSELLING
1. To understand the counselee’s current situation.
2. To understand how he has tried to handle the problem.
3. To understand his view of the problem……….
4. To understand his emotional reactions.5. To evaluate the total problem.6. To help him clarify his life situation
Prof. Edwin Herr….
Hypothesis testing
Triple filter of Integrity
HonestAccountable
Just & Equitable
Herrmann Brain-dominance Herrmann Brain-dominance instrumentinstrument
Left brain- logical thinkersLeft brain- logical thinkersleft brain –limbic- sequential left brain –limbic- sequential
thinkersthinkers
Right brain- holistic thinkersRight brain- holistic thinkersRight-brain-limbic- emotional Right-brain-limbic- emotional
thinkersthinkers
Spect AnalysisSpect AnalysisWhat happens if full brain is not What happens if full brain is not
usedused
What is the reality around What is the reality around us ?us ?
Confucius in AnalectsConfucius in Analectssayssays
Wealth and honour are what Wealth and honour are what every person desires. But if every person desires. But if they have been obtained in they have been obtained in violation of moral principles, violation of moral principles,
they must not be keptthey must not be kept
Socrates in Apology saysSocrates in Apology says
The moral person does not put money or The moral person does not put money or anything above virtueanything above virtue
EastIndiaChina/Japan1000+ BCEEastIndiaChina/Japan1000+ BCEJudaism::Moses 1500-1350 BCE Moses 1500-1350 BCE Hinduism::
2000 BCE 600 BCE2000 BCE 600 BCEZoroastrianism::Zoroaster 628-527 BCEZoroaster 628-527 BCEJainism::Mahavira 599-527 BCEMahavira 599-527 BCE Buddhism::Buddha 563-483Buddha 563-483 BCEBCE
TaoismTaoism::Lao Tse 580-500 BCELao Tse 580-500 BCE
ConfucianismConfucianism::Confucius 551-579 BCE 100 CE Confucius 551-579 BCE 100 CE
Christianity Christianity::Jesus 1-33 CE Jesus 1-33 CE Shinto Shinto::100 CE600 CE100 CE600 CE Islam Islam::
Muhammad 570-636 CE Muhammad 570-636 CE
Shakespeare on RosesShakespeare on Roses
A rose by any other name smells as sweet……..
Mini wars, hostages, hi-jackings, Mini wars, hostages, hi-jackings, hundred other horrors and terrors is hundred other horrors and terrors is
disquieting.disquieting.
Inside society there is societal entropy. Inside society there is societal entropy.
Crimes are escalating. Violence and Crimes are escalating. Violence and vices are spiralingvices are spiraling..
Counselling is not…..
1. Advice giving
2. Opinion giving
3. Sympathizing
Counselling is not…..
4. Giving practical help
5. Not simply interviewing
6. Not simply listening
Skills are gradual not Skills are gradual not sudden , so constant practice sudden , so constant practice
is vitalis vitala few months……a few months……
Psychological approaches to Psychological approaches to CounsellingCounselling
Client Centred- Carl RogersClient Centred- Carl RogersPsychodynamic- FreudPsychodynamic- Freud
Gestalt- Frit PerlsGestalt- Frit PerlsHumanistic- RET-EllisHumanistic- RET-Ellis
Personal Construct- KellyPersonal Construct- KellyBehavioural- Watson, SkinnerBehavioural- Watson, SkinnerTransactional Analysis- BerneTransactional Analysis- Berne
WHAT ARE THE 3 P’SWHAT ARE THE 3 P’S
PremisePremisePersonPersonProcessProcess
PremisePremise
Human interaction is primary Human interaction is primary to lifeto life
1. Interdependence 1. Interdependence2. Independence 2. Independence
PersonPerson
Accept 3 factorsAccept 3 factors1. Recognize importance of 1. Recognize importance of
spiritual valuesspiritual values2. Love others as self2. Love others as self
3. Accept self as human 3. Accept self as human
Counsellor’s qualitiesCounsellor’s qualities
EmpathyEmpathy
What is empathy ?What is empathy ?1. 1. Please agree in groups and Please agree in groups and
present your findingspresent your findings
2. Imagine a man falling through ice 2. Imagine a man falling through ice and you are watching from outsideand you are watching from outsideIs the picture a useful metaphor for Is the picture a useful metaphor for
empathy- 15 mtsempathy- 15 mts
EmpathyEmpathy
Some answersSome answers
Implies riskImplies riskemotional involvementemotional involvement
concernconcernconnection between you and connection between you and
the manthe man
EmpathyEmpathy
To understand someone To understand someone from his point of view, by from his point of view, by sensing and experiencing sensing and experiencing
his feelings and perspectivehis feelings and perspective
Apathy; Empathy, SympathyApathy; Empathy, Sympathy
EmpathyEmpathyPeople who empathize- ActivityPeople who empathize- Activity
5 mts 5 mts
Discuss with group 10 mtsDiscuss with group 10 mts
EmpathyEmpathy
““Why do we need to steer this Why do we need to steer this difficult course in today’s difficult course in today’s
organisations ? “ organisations ? “
Group activity – 10 mtsGroup activity – 10 mts
EmpathyEmpathy
NegotiationNegotiationConflict ManagementConflict ManagementManaging diversityManaging diversityDeveloping others Developing others
Customer needsCustomer needsnetworkingnetworking
Counsellor’s qualitiesCounsellor’s qualities
1. Empathy- Your hurt is my 1. Empathy- Your hurt is my hurthurt
2. Positive regard2. Positive regard3. Genuineness 3. Genuineness 4. Concreteness 4. Concreteness
Counsellor’s qualitiesCounsellor’s qualities
5. Clear thinking5. Clear thinking6. Common sense6. Common sense7. Self awareness 7. Self awareness
8. Warmth8. Warmth
Counsellor’s MotivationCounsellor’s Motivation
Counsellor’s MotivationCounsellor’s Motivation
1. The need for relationships1. The need for relationships
2. The need to control2. The need to control
Counsellor’s MotivationCounsellor’s Motivation
3. The need to rescue 3. The need to rescue
4. The need for information 4. The need for information
Counsellor’s MotivationCounsellor’s Motivation
5. Just fashionable….. 5. Just fashionable…..
Some don’ts in CounsellingSome don’ts in Counselling
Don’t MoralizeDon’t MoralizeDon’t compare with your experienceDon’t compare with your experienceDon’t offer advice on personal and Don’t offer advice on personal and
emotional issuesemotional issuesDon’t tell the client they don’t feel a Don’t tell the client they don’t feel a certain way- of course you are not certain way- of course you are not
depressed…..depressed…..
Counsellor’s RoleCounsellor’s Role
Counsellor’s RoleCounsellor’s Role
1. Being hasty instead of 1. Being hasty instead of deliberatedeliberate
2. Being disrespectful 2. Being disrespectful instead of sympatheticinstead of sympathetic
Counsellor’s RoleCounsellor’s Role
3. Being judgmental instead 3. Being judgmental instead of unbiasedof unbiased
4. Being directive instead of 4. Being directive instead of interpretiveinterpretive
Counsellor’s RoleCounsellor’s Role
5. Emotionally over involved5. Emotionally over involved
6.Artificial- not authentic6.Artificial- not authentic
Emotions and feelingsEmotions and feelings
Please complete format and Please complete format and discuss with partnerdiscuss with partner
10 mts10 mts
The Counselee
The Counselee’s rights must be respected
1. Right to speak and be heard2. Right to his/her opinion3. Right to defend him/herself4. Right to personal philosophy
The processThe process
Moving Interviews forwardMoving Interviews forward
3 Stages3 Stages
UnderstandUnderstandExploreExplore
ActAct
Check list of essentialsCheck list of essentials
11. . Why does he need help at this timeWhy does he need help at this time2. What has he already done towards2. What has he already done towards
solving the problemsolving the problem3. What help has he already received3. What help has he already received
Check list of essentialsCheck list of essentials
4. What help does he still need4. What help does he still need5. Spiritual needs5. Spiritual needs6. Plan of action6. Plan of action
Unskilled responses
1. Me too
2. If I were you
3. Yes, but
Active listening is a learned Active listening is a learned skill and not a natural skill and not a natural
attributeattribute
Listening AssessmentListening Assessment
Listening Listening
As a group spend a few As a group spend a few minutes thinking about your minutes thinking about your
own attitudes, pressures, own attitudes, pressures, concerns and behaviour concerns and behaviour that block the listening that block the listening
capacitycapacity
Effective Listening Effective Listening behaviourbehaviour
SOLERSOLER
1. Sitting squarely1. Sitting squarely2. Open position2. Open position
3. Leaning forward3. Leaning forward4. Eye contact4. Eye contact
5. Relaxing5. Relaxing
Positive Listening ActivityPositive Listening Activityin each group speaker, in each group speaker, listener and observerlistener and observer
Speak about your home or Speak about your home or workplace for 2 mtsworkplace for 2 mts
Check List of listening skills
1. Be accepting2. Be concerned3. Be patient4. Be specific5. Be honest6. Be faithful
1. Be Accepting1. Be Accepting
Take a non-judgmental stanceTake a non-judgmental stanceAccept him for what he isAccept him for what he is
Accept him for where he isAccept him for where he is
2. Be Concerned2. Be Concerned
Caring and willing to get involvedCaring and willing to get involvedAttentive to what the client saysAttentive to what the client says
Your motivation is loveYour motivation is love
3. Be patient3. Be patient
The client sets the scheduleThe client sets the scheduleGiving time suggests interestGiving time suggests interest
Do not force the paceDo not force the pace
4. Be specific4. Be specific
Ask specific questionsAsk specific questionsGive concrete statementsGive concrete statementsConfront inconsistenciesConfront inconsistencies
5. Be honest5. Be honest
Respond in a way that reflects your Respond in a way that reflects your feelingsfeelings
Your responses are to be congruent Your responses are to be congruent with your feelingswith your feelings
Your responses should be graciousYour responses should be gracious
6. Be faithful6. Be faithful
Absolute confidentialityAbsolute confidentialityRefrain from passing along info given Refrain from passing along info given
by clientby clientAlways keep an appointment with clientAlways keep an appointment with client
The Complete MessageThe Complete MessagePlease fill out the %Please fill out the %
?? % Non Verbal
?? % ?? %Tone
Content
The Complete MessageThe Complete Message
Nonverbal – 55 %Nonverbal – 55 %Tone of voice- 38 %Tone of voice- 38 %Actual words- 7 % !!Actual words- 7 % !!
DEPRESSION
Is called the common cold of the mind.
It affects our work, relationships, marriage
What is it trying to say to you…
It is an inner scream telling us that we have neglected some area of our lives
WHO GETS DEPRESSED ?
More women are depressed than menYoung adults 18-44 than older adultsSeparated and divorced
LOSS OF PERSPECTIVE
When a person is depressed he loses perspective. The way he views life, his job and family is coloured
IT MIGHT ALSO HELP….
Depression can prompt us to clear the air and discard years of accumulated anger and hurt
REASONS
Past deprevationImproper food and restReaction to medicationChemical imbalanceRepressed angerGrief
NEGATIVE THINKING
Negative self-talk is the culprit that fosters negative thinking leading to depression
WHAT ABOUT HIGH STANDARDS ?
Having excessively high standards- being a perfectionist -is a sure way to invite depression into your life
IT IS NOT THE END OF LIFE…..
Depression is not the end of the world, even though to the depressed individual it appears that way
BURNOUT
Burnout’s first symptom is an all-round feeling of fatigue
BURNOUT
Usually such people do not get involved in exercises or stress reduction programmes.
INTELLCTUAL AND CREATIVE ABILITIES DIMINISH
BURNOUT CAUSES
Unrealistic expectationsFocus on goal but no regardTo how it is attainedDistribution
HOW TO ESCAPE
Distinguish between idea and fact
One of the best remedies for depression is to become more active
YOU MAY HAVE TO DO ………..
With depression, you must do what you don’t feel like doing before you feel like doing it
Counselling is a Counselling is a Quantum Quantum
phenomenonphenomenon
Classical model of Newton has collapsed
Reality is more dynamic
SUPERUNIFICATION
Counselling is the connection between
Counsellor and Counsellee
Collective Consciousness
Collective Neural PatternsCollective Neural Patterns
Counsellor Counselle
The Consciousness structure influences behaviour
The 3 way interaction of Knower- Counsellor
Known – Counsellee
and the Process of knowing
E consciousness
in the dynamics of their consciousness
3 in 1 structure of Consciousness
Being in the G.A.P
Counselling is self referral Willing Relationship
Consciousness creates Counselling
Couns’lng is a field interaction
Not everyone will follow Occurs as an event
Involves risk and uncertainty
Use influence beyond formal authority
99Quantum Quantum
LawsLawsof Counselingof Counseling
Operate outside defined boundaries
Two views of CounsellingTwo views of Counselling
Classical Classical PhysicsPhysics Quantum PhysicsQuantum Physics•Counseling is in parts
•Counseling is a continuous attribute of a person
•Influence is based on force
•Counseling is a field
•Counseling is a discontinuous event
•Influence is an interaction
•Conforms to cause-and-effect logic
•Objective phenomenon
•Unstructured and unpredictable
•Subjective phenomenon
Quantum Counsellors vs Quantum Counsellors vs Classical CounsellorsClassical Counsellors
Classical Classical CounsellorCounsellor Quantum CounsellorQuantum Counsellor
•Have appointed clients
•Use influence based on formal authority
•Operate within prescribed pathways
•Attract willing clients
•Develop influence beyond authority
•Operate outside prescribed pathways
•Are given a position
•Rely on tradition and procedure
•Take initiative to help
•Rely on consciousness
Eliminate-Eliminate- Quick fix mentality, Human hardware issues, - attitudesQuick fix mentality, Human hardware issues, - attitudes
ExchangeExchange- - Positive thoughts, being in the G.A.P, better software Positive thoughts, being in the G.A.P, better software
Energize-Energize- 8 point Quality yardstick ,Slow down brain waves8 point Quality yardstick ,Slow down brain waves
more delta and theta more delta and theta
EmpathyEmpathy- - Understand Counsellee’s needs; higher EQUnderstand Counsellee’s needs; higher EQ
EncourageEncourage- - Rewards, empowermentRewards, empowermentEsteemEsteem- - Develops his esteemDevelops his esteem
Endure-Endure- Create support system, learn from mistakesCreate support system, learn from mistakes
Eternal-Eternal- Not violate ethics and morality and be value-centricNot violate ethics and morality and be value-centric
Use of E-Consciousness- 8 point systemUse of E-Consciousness- 8 point system
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