Understanding
Anger
Lesson One
Understanding Anger
What verses from the Bible
come to mind when you think of anger, wrath, being angry?
Understanding Anger
Eph: 4:26-27:
"Be angry, and do not sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.
James 1:19-20:
So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
Understanding Anger Anger is an emotion. A very
powerful emotion but just an
emotion.
Anger expressions are what can
be harmful and destructive.
Anger expressions are learned,
therefore can be unlearned.
Understanding Anger
Anger is a secondary emotion: meaning something else is felt before you get angry. A PRIMARY emotion.
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Understanding Anger
Fear Dance: The Number One Destroyer of Relationships
Understanding Anger
Application: Look at point 1, and think of a recent
conflict with someone, married then with your spouse, not married with
friend, coworker, relative, whoever.
From that conflict you felt what from the list in #2.?
Understanding Anger
When you feel that way you react by doing what in #3.
Then at the bottom of page one take what your starred items are from #2 and write them in the one you feel the most in #4. These are your core fear buttons: these become your dragons.
Understanding Anger
On page two of handout: The Fear Dance,
Step 1: Write in My Core Fear Buttons from #4 on page one
Step 2: Write in My Reactions from #3 on page one. If you are married write in your spouse Core Fear Buttons in Step 3 page one, and Step 4 My spouse Reactions from their #3 on page one.
Understanding Anger
This week at the bottom of page two of the handout Step 5 is to discuss how this dance plays out in your conflicts.
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Overcome Fear by: Ps.56:3 When I am afraid, I trust in you. Ps. 56:10 In God – I boast in his promise –in the Lord – I boast in his promise
56:11 in God I trust, I am not afraid. What can mere men do to me?
Romans 15:13: May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
1Jo 4:18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears punishment has not been perfected in love.
HURT
Commitment to Forgive
Why: Because God is a God of forgiveness:
4:31 You must put away every kind of bitterness, anger, wrath, quarreling, and evil, slanderous talk. 4:32 Instead, be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you.
Understanding Anger
Forgiveness= FOR GIVE NESS
To send forth, in various applications (as follow):-cry, forgive, forsake, lay aside, leave, let (alone, be, go, have), omit, put (send) away, remit, suffer, yield up.
Understanding Anger
Forgiveness begins with a choice to forgive, that sets a process in motion, that over time, will result in a lessening of painful emotions that resulted from what caused you to need to forgive in the first place.
FRUSTRATION
Ways to relieve frustration:
1.Time with God,
2. Eat
3. Sleep
4. Exercise
5. Relax
6. Build margins into your life
The Exploder
Punish the target
Blaming
Justifying an action or
Just letting the other person know
you are not going to take it any more
Make the person feel bad
Make him/her pay!
Personal embarrassment
Damage to the relationship
Divorce or potential divorce
Loss of a friendship
Job loss or consequences at work like disciplinary action
Expensive damage or loss of property
Guilt and anxiety
Murder and personal injury
Internalize Anger
Stuff Anger
Deny Anger
Resentment
Bitterness
Somatizer
• Headaches
• Ulcers
• Colds
• Colitis
• Hypertension
• 20 other
Self Punisher
Not as obvious
Blame self
Beat up on self
Low self concept
Results:
• Depression
• Suicide
• Cutting
The Underhander
Very clever: Gossiping Little barbs Sarcastic wit “What did I say? I didn’t mean anything by it. Jokes at another’s expense Jabs Failing in school Adultery
Pouter
“What is wrong?”
“What is the matter?”
Response: “Oh, nothing”
• Deny they are angry
• Silent treatment
• Want to punish you
Understanding Anger
Resolving Anger:
Admit to yourself you have a problem.
Agree before God and to God that your
problem is sin, 1 Jn. 1:9.
Ask for His help and get help and healing
in this area in of your life, Mt. 7:7-8.
Amend hurt (seek forgiveness) where
possible, Mt. 5:23-24.
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