SOC200SOC200Marriage and FamilyMarriage and Family
WORKSHOP 5WORKSHOP 5““Communication, Conflict and Communication, Conflict and
Divorce”Divorce”Instructor: Glenn JohnsonInstructor: Glenn Johnson
DEVOTIONS & PRAYERDEVOTIONS & PRAYER
I urge you to live a life worthy I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have of the calling you have
received. received. Be completely humble and Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. with one another in love.
Make every effort to keep the Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the unity of the Spirit through the
bond of peace. bond of peace. Ephesians 4:1-3, NIVEphesians 4:1-3, NIV
COMMUNICATION & CONFLICT IN COMMUNICATION & CONFLICT IN FAMILIESFAMILIES
We are Created For We are Created For CommunityCommunity
““basis for the word: basis for the word: COMMUNICATIONCOMMUNICATION””
COMMUNICATION & CONFLICT IN COMMUNICATION & CONFLICT IN FAMILIESFAMILIES
The Cyclical Communication The Cyclical Communication Process:Process:
Communicator Receiver
COMMUNICATION & CONFLICT IN COMMUNICATION & CONFLICT IN FAMILIESFAMILIES
6 SOURCES OF CONFLICT IN 6 SOURCES OF CONFLICT IN MARRIAGEMARRIAGE1.Behavior
2.Cognitions and Perceptions3.Value Differences4.Inconsistent Rules
5.Leadership Ambiguity6.Job Stress
COMMUNICATION COMMUNICATION & CONFLICT IN & CONFLICT IN
FAMILIESFAMILIES
3 STYLES OF 3 STYLES OF CONFLICT CONFLICT BEHAVIORBEHAVIOR
Complementary
Symmetrical
Parallel
COMMUNICATION & CONFLICT IN FAMILIESCOMMUNICATION & CONFLICT IN FAMILIES
2 Strategies to 2 Strategies to Resolving ConflictResolving Conflict
1. Zero Sum Game1. Zero Sum Game
2.2. Mixed MotiveMixed Motive
Which of these are Which of these are most beneficial?most beneficial?
EMOTIONAL EMOTIONAL WOUNDEDNESSWOUNDEDNESS
-In Community -In Community SystemsSystems-Negative Experiences -Negative Experiences
Inform Child’s IdentityInform Child’s Identity-Degrees of -Degrees of
WoundednessWoundedness-Affects Across the -Affects Across the
Life SpanLife Span-We Can Only Act -We Can Only Act Insofar As We FeelInsofar As We Feel
-KEY: The other -KEY: The other person is not to blame person is not to blame
for how I feelfor how I feel
5 Patters of Conflict Management Behavior5 Patters of Conflict Management Behavior1.1. AvoidanceAvoidance
2.2. AccomodationAccomodation3.3. CompetitionCompetition4.4. CompromiseCompromise5.5. CollaborationCollaboration
JESUS: Exhibited all JESUS: Exhibited all 5 Behaviors5 Behaviors
Some More Constructive AdviceSome More Constructive Advice
Identify the issueIdentify the issue Choose the right time and placeChoose the right time and place
Begin with a positive strokeBegin with a positive stroke Express anger without abusing the Express anger without abusing the
otherother Avoid trianglingAvoid triangling
NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF DIVORCE AND HOW TO DIVORCE AND HOW TO
PREVENT ITPREVENT IT
Almost Everything is Almost Everything is Disposable!Disposable!
God hates God hates divorcedivorce…not …not divorced people.divorced people.
NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF DIVORCE AND HOW TO DIVORCE AND HOW TO
PREVENT ITPREVENT IT
Marked by GRIEFMarked by GRIEF
US has one of highest US has one of highest divorce rates in the divorce rates in the
worldworld
NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF DIVORCE AND HOW TO DIVORCE AND HOW TO
PREVENT ITPREVENT ITWallerstein and KellyWallerstein and Kelly
Followed 60 Families Followed 60 Families with 131 Children for with 131 Children for
25 Years25 Years
NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF DIVORCE AND HOW TO DIVORCE AND HOW TO
PREVENT ITPREVENT ITWallerstein: Effects on Wallerstein: Effects on
SocietySociety
-171 Cities over 100,000-171 Cities over 100,000-Divorce rate predicted -Divorce rate predicted
robbery raterobbery rate-More likely to be -More likely to be
delinquentdelinquent-More likely to abuse -More likely to abuse
substancessubstances
NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF DIVORCE AND HOW TO DIVORCE AND HOW TO
PREVENT ITPREVENT ITWallerstein: Effects on Wallerstein: Effects on
EducationEducation
-Young children feared -Young children feared abandonmentabandonment
-Lower preschool -Lower preschool readinessreadiness
-Of graduates, only 65% -Of graduates, only 65% from divorced families from divorced families
went on to college vs. 85 went on to college vs. 85 %%
NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF DIVORCE AND HOW TO DIVORCE AND HOW TO
PREVENT ITPREVENT ITWallerstein: Effects on Wallerstein: Effects on
Family EconomyFamily Economy
-Almost immediate -Almost immediate financial consequencesfinancial consequences
-More significant for -More significant for women than menwomen than men
NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF DIVORCE AND HOW TO DIVORCE AND HOW TO
PREVENT ITPREVENT ITWallerstein: Effects on Wallerstein: Effects on Personal Well-BeingPersonal Well-Being
-Children suffer from -Children suffer from loneliness, fear, worry, loneliness, fear, worry, guilt, sadness, despair, guilt, sadness, despair,
depressiondepression-Half entered adulthood -Half entered adulthood
this waythis way-Greater risks to physical -Greater risks to physical
healthhealth
NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF DIVORCE AND HOW TO DIVORCE AND HOW TO
PREVENT ITPREVENT ITWallerstein: Effects on Wallerstein: Effects on
Parent-Child Relationships, Parent-Child Relationships, Conflict & Social ConfidenceConflict & Social Confidence
-Parents: Partially -Parents: Partially “divorce” children too“divorce” children too-Mothers can become -Mothers can become
emotionally dependent on emotionally dependent on childrenchildren
-Non-custodial parents are -Non-custodial parents are less likely to have close less likely to have close relationships to childrenrelationships to children
3 Divorced Father 3 Divorced Father StereotypesStereotypes
DISNEYLAND DADDISNEYLAND DAD
3 Divorced Father 3 Divorced Father StereotypesStereotypes
DEADBEAT DADDEADBEAT DAD
3 Divorced Father 3 Divorced Father StereotypesStereotypes
DISAPPEARING DADDISAPPEARING DAD
PREVENTING DIVORCEPREVENTING DIVORCEPREVENTING DIVORCEPREVENTING DIVORCE
-Commit to the marriage-Have correct expectations
-Get outside help when it is necessary-Count the cost of divorce before giving up
-Know that to choose divorce will greatly disappoint God
-Remember God’s goal for one’s life (not necessarily happiness)
-Learn to honor one’s spouse above oneself-Prevention is best done prior to marriage: by
premarital counseling-Married and feeling trapped? Consider ramifications of
divorce for both partners and children. Seek help.-Marriage requires patience, some work and practice
and strong commitment.
10 PRINCIPLES OF GROWING 10 PRINCIPLES OF GROWING RELATIONSHIPS & HOLISTIC HEALTH RELATIONSHIPS & HOLISTIC HEALTH
CHECKUPCHECKUP
10 PRINCIPLES OF GROWING 10 PRINCIPLES OF GROWING RELATIONSHIPS (handout)RELATIONSHIPS (handout)
HOLISTIC HEALTH CHECKUPHOLISTIC HEALTH CHECKUP1.1. Rate yourself (2-3 min.)Rate yourself (2-3 min.)
2.2. Come Up With Major Points/Plan (7-8 Come Up With Major Points/Plan (7-8 min)min)
3.3. Discuss Your Points/Plan With Each Discuss Your Points/Plan With Each Other: Other: What is the best way to What is the best way to achieve overall, holistic health?achieve overall, holistic health?
SUMMARY & WRAP UPSUMMARY & WRAP UP-We’ve discussed transitions families go through, the -We’ve discussed transitions families go through, the
difficulties experienced and the problems families difficulties experienced and the problems families encounterencounter
-We’ve discussed how we select mates and how two -We’ve discussed how we select mates and how two become one in marriage and have looked at ways in become one in marriage and have looked at ways in
how we can make our marriage a good onehow we can make our marriage a good one-We’ve studied challenges and joys children bring to the -We’ve studied challenges and joys children bring to the
marriage and how to be good parentsmarriage and how to be good parents -We’ve also looked at the general life stage transitions in -We’ve also looked at the general life stage transitions in
the middle and later years of life and why and how the middle and later years of life and why and how families change and respond to stressfamilies change and respond to stress
Finally we’ve looked at communication and conflict and Finally we’ve looked at communication and conflict and resolving them in families and the consequences of resolving them in families and the consequences of
divorcedivorce
SUMMARY & WRAP UPSUMMARY & WRAP UPDEFRAIN’S PROPOSITIONS FROM A STRENGTH DEFRAIN’S PROPOSITIONS FROM A STRENGTH
PERSPECTIVEPERSPECTIVE All families possess strengthAll families possess strength
If all you look for in families are problems, that’s all If all you look for in families are problems, that’s all you’ll findyou’ll find
Strengths, not weaknesses, help us solve problemsStrengths, not weaknesses, help us solve problems Family structure is not as important as functionFamily structure is not as important as function
Strong marriage is essential to strong familyStrong marriage is essential to strong family Strong families produce strong kids who create their Strong families produce strong kids who create their
own strong familiesown strong families Periods of crisis can tear apart or be catalysts for Periods of crisis can tear apart or be catalysts for
growthgrowth Strong families work together to overcome problemsStrong families work together to overcome problems
Every family is a culture unto itselfEvery family is a culture unto itself Strong families are not perfectStrong families are not perfect
Families have strong emotional connections and Families have strong emotional connections and sense of belongingness to each other.sense of belongingness to each other.
SUMMARY & WRAP UPSUMMARY & WRAP UP
STRONG FAMILES TAKE:STRONG FAMILES TAKE:-Commitment-Commitment
-Appreciation and Affection-Appreciation and Affection-Positive Communication-Positive Communication
-Time Together-Time Together-Spiritual Well Being-Spiritual Well Being
-Ability to Cope With Stress and -Ability to Cope With Stress and CrisisCrisis
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