Positive Approaches to Influencing your Children
Thanks to Brandee Tyree, Underage Substance Abuse Coordinator, Missoula Forum for Children and Youth
My favorite surveyWhy you’re hereWhy I’m hereThe Plan
Focus very briefly on foundations for optimal brain development
Have a conversation about four strategies for how parents can influence their children
Offer closing thoughts
Use more words Use blocks and other manipulatives Have less screen time Make emotional connections Touch in gentle and soothing ways Expose your children to music – and dancing Engage with books and reading Set limits – It’s okay to say no and then
show empathy When your child/teen is obnoxious and
nasty, the answer is always “No.”
What parents want
Parents generally want to know how to be a positive force or influence in their children’s lives . . . So their children turn out relatively happy and free (e.g., not in prison)
Direct Power
Indirect Power
Problem-Solving Power
Relationship Power
Grandma’s Rule
If—Then Consequences (Pre-set rules
– ex: curfew and communication)
Passionate Praise
Boring Punishment
Use your voice! (you can even
whisper)
Modeling
Encouragement
Character feedback
Wagers
Give choices
Solution talk: How did you manage . . . ?
Behavioral alternatives
What has worked before?
The 4 questions of choice theory What do you want? What are you doing? Is
it working? Should you make a new plan?
Mutual problem-solving
Use recreation and play
Use special time
Ask for a favor or I.O.U.
Guilt (I’m disappointed)
Everyday connection (“I love you”)
What will you remember?
What principles, strategies, or techniques could you start using right away?
http://www.wiley.com/WileyCDA/WileyTitle/productCd-1118012968,descCd-DOWNLOAD.html
To access 10 tip sheets and/or “follow” John’s blog go to johnsommersflanagan.com
http://www.familiesfirstmontana.org/
http://www.familiesfirstmontana.org/parenting/John%20Sommers-Flanagan%20Tip%20Sheets.html
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