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*train noises*
PAN PAN
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Douglas: Ding dong! Business Cat, Imhere for the shareholders meeting.
PAN
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Business Cat: Right on schedule.
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BC: First order of business, are westill on for jelly jam sandwiches at
six?
D: Im warming them up in my hat rightnow with brain-power.
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Delta blues crooner: Jeeeeeeeellyyyhrrrmmmm jaaaaaaaam!
BC: Good.
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(pause)
BC: Thats all I have. Any new business with you?
D: I found this dumb baby.
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*dumb baby noise* BC: A dumb baby? Whose dumb baby?
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D: I dunno. It was just on the groundbeing stupid, so I picked it up.
D: Well be your dads until we find youractual dumb parents.
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BC: Dumb babies are expensive and badfor business. How can we turn this
crisis around?
D: Dont ask me. Youre the BusinessCat.
BC: Yes.
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BC: I am the Business Cat. BC: We should invest money in the babyfor future gains. Here.
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BC: Put these dollars in its mouth. *baby coo*
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BC: Is it generating any profit?
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D: Its generating something ... BC: This is no good. One might say thisis the opposite of good.
Panel 25 Panel 26
l l
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D: You think the babys ... D: Evil?!
*dramatic music cue*
ZOOM IN
Panel 27 Panel 28
P l 29 P l 30
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Liquid Assets
BC: Since the arrival of this baby, ourliquid assets have plunged 80,000
percent.
BC: If this trend continues, we willhave infinitely negative liquid assets
by the end of the quarter.
*Camera follows moving arrow*
Liquid Assets
CAMERA PAN
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L i q u i d As s e t s
BC: Douglas, go find that voodoo-babysparents before it ruins the business. Or
Ill dispose of it myself.
Panel 31
D: But where are they?
Panel 32
L i q u i d As s e t s
P l 33 P l 34
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*Wendy and Brian play keyboard and drum machine, respectively*
Wendy: That was good, but youre comingin with the beats too early. Wait for
the arpeggios.
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Panel 35 Panel 36
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D (O.S.): Haunted baby incoming! W: Ah!
Panel 35 Panel 36
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D: Ha ha, Wendy. You drop babies harderthan your robot-thing drops fat beats.
*happy baby coo*
W: What are you doing with a baby?
WALKSPAST
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D: Finding it a home. Is it yours?
W: No.
W: Its cute. And sticky.
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*cracking noises*
W: Wait, why do you think its mine?
D: You can give up the charade, Wendy.
D: It got its grubby fingers into myjelly jam.
DBC: Jeeellllyy jaaaaam, gettin babiesall stickyyyyy.
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*more cracking noises*
D: Business Cat told me all about yourbaby prison.
Panel 43 Panel 44
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*ground shakes, tank noises*W: Please dont call my uterus a babyprison.
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BC: Douglas, I purchased this expensivetank to protect us from financial
bankruptcy.
D: Dont shoot! Ill confess governmentsecrets!
PAN
Panel 47 Panel 48
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BC: And its that babys fault.BC: Coincidentally, we are now bankrupt.
Panel 49 Panel 50
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BC: Or baby momma.BC: Deliver it to that baby daddy.
Panel 51 Panel 52
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BC: Maybe deliver it to inside this tankgun.
W: Im voting against the tank-gun idea.
BC: Or both.
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D: No tank guns. Business Cat, I motionfor an emergency shareholders meeting.
BC: Well Im voting for it twice.
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BC: Sorry, Wendy. Shareholders only.BC: Motion granted. You may enter thetank.
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W: You owe me, like, twelve dollars,Business Cat, which means I basically
own most of the business.
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D: No girls.
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D: Wow, its really hot and muggy inhere.
BC: Yep.
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*quiet dramatic music*
BC: Enough of this nonsense. We cantafford having that baby around anylonger.
*louder dramatic music*
D: It needs a home thats not theground. We should take care of it.
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*even louder dramatic music*
BC: If you dont lose that baby, Illlose that baby for you.
*even louder dramatic musi0c*
D: Youll have to get through me first,cat man.
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*deafening dramatic music*
*BC raises and flips a switchblade*
D: Looks like somebodys cruising for abruising.
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*hatch opens as music cuts* W: This kids stomach is growling. Doyou have any baby food on you? Like
mushy fruit preserves?
Panel 73
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D: We cant find your parents, but we
cant afford to feed you our jelly jam.
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D: I guess ...BC: (pounding palm) Its too precious acommodity.
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BC: Heres a knife in case any hobosgive you trouble.
D: This is goodbye.
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BC: Forge your own path into the future.Rely on yourself.
BC: A lot of babies with missing parentsbecome totally rad adults. So do that.Grow up and be rad.
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BC: Let it go, Douglas. Its a baby ofthe rails now. Its free.
*train whistle*
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*train noises and shadows rumble by*
D: This isnt right!
D: We should have raised him as our own.
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D: I did toss him around like afootball.
BC: Douglas, that babys safer on therails than with us. Wed make terribleparents.
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BC: With us out of the equation, thatbaby has a slightly higher probabilityof being just fine.
BC: I gave that kid my shanking knife.Do you know how irresponsible that was?
Panel 89 Panel 90
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*blinding light*
DBC: Teerrrrible paaaarents, they gave aknife to a baaaaby!
T E R
R I B L E P A RENT S
*sci-fi noises*
Panel 91 Panel 92
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Time Buffalo: Guys! Have you seen a babyaround here?
D: No, Time Buffalo. Thankfully, allbabies are now a safe distance away fromus.
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*camera zooms in and spins*
TB: Oh man, if I dont get that babyback to the 1930s, the parodox willdestabalize the timeline and--
*cracking noises*
TB: Our realm is already collapsing!Quick, we need to search the premisesbefore--
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BC: Stop trying to impress us with yourlame-o adventures, Time Buffalo.
TB: But the timeline--
D: Cmon. Lets go eat some funky freshjelly jam sandwiches.
DBC: (reflectively) Jelly jam.
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