Richest Woman Says She Doesn't Cart

80 Much for $2,000, but ThatHorn* Town Wants to Get

Rid of Her

LOS ANGELES HERALD*BYTIMItKRAf.nCOMPANT

mANX O. FIKI.ATSOW rtuMrt1HOflT. M. TOST....IS<IH<»TIaI Ma»a«tet*.It. I.AvnwTT n«i«in»«« Maaanet

OLDEST MORNINO PAPER INLOS ANGELES.

FonnAMOrt. 3,1«T« Tnlrty-fooTtn Year.C»mnti«r *iCemtner«>« BnlKlnc.

TKLKPHONEB— Suns«U,, Kress 11.Home. The Hemld. .

The enly D«moer»tlo neWlfcuper inSouthern California receiving the fullAssociated Press reports. \u25a0\u25a0• ; .;

NRW3 BERVlCß— Member of the AS*soclated Prtss, receiving Its 'full re-port, averaging 18.000 words *day.;

AGENT—!3. P. MoKlnnfT.105 Potter bulldlnsr, Netr Torki 111Uoyce bulMjntf._ChlcMto. \u25a0

';\u25a0

""RATES OF "BUBS(smrTiqiJ WITHSUNDAY MAOAZINBS

Dally, by carrl«r/per. month. $ •![Pally, by mall, three months l.gipally, by mall, six months »•»)'Dally, by wall,one year...* J.juSunday Herald, bymall,one year.. S.SOWeekly Herald, by mall, one year. 100

Entered «t Fodtofflce. Los Angeles, asB>cond-cl»ss matter.

THB-HF.RALD IN SAN FRANCIBCOAND OAKLANDi-Los Angeles andSouthern California visitors to Ban

Francisco and Oakland will nnd TheHerald .-on »ale at tha newi Mands inthe Ban Francisco ferryon the streets In Oakland by Wheatley

'and by. Amos News Co.

'Population of Los Angeles. 25 1,463The storekeeper hesitated for a mo-ment and then replied."Yes, Ihave. I've got Just one left.

It's clown In the barn there, and I'llsell It dirt cheap. You see," he added,"when tho Congregational church, wasbeing fixed up inside a few years agoIpurchased tho old pulpit to help thechurch along In providing a new one,and it's) been in my barn ever since.You can have It at a bargain."

The cityman didn't want the pulpit,but he willinglypaid tho bet.—KansasCity Journal. . >•

"Have you any second-hand pulpits?"ho inquired.

Together they marched over to thentoro nnd tho city man accosted theproprlotor.

There Is n, gencml store in Krpox,Conn., that Is stocked with all these ar-ticles and many others too numerousto mention. A natlvo once boastedto a city guest that he could fret any*thing ho called for in that ntm,i\"I'llbet the drinks and cigars that Ican call for something ho pant pro-

duce," nald the city man."And I'lltake that bet," replied the

native.

It Is tho boast of thn country store-keeper, the proprietor of what Is knownbh the general store, that he carries ev-erything that can be found Inthe mar-kets or In the shops. Ho him dry goods'and groceries, hardware and cutlery,crockery and glassware, tobacco andclgnw, boots and shoes, oandy andfodder, paints and oils and everythingnine necessary to supply tho wants ofhis customers, i

THE CITY MAN LOST

Tte largest theatrical agency In thiscountry, and probably In the world Is,curiously e*nough, run by'a woman.Her offices are Just off Broadway, ft«"l

she has the proud distinction of know-ing more actors and actresses than any

living mortal. Her outer rooms areforever filled by white-coated sou-brett««, lank "heavy" men, English

t#nor« In tweeds, round, smooth-facedcomedians, and good-looking youngmen In short blue coats who will playanything from "Juvenile lends" to the

baritone lover lieutenant in a comloopera. As a rule they all know eachother, cull each other by their firstnnmes, and are nt Joyous as if they

were nt An afternoon ten. To thecasual visitor the object of their pres-ence mightnever be known, IfItwerenot for the one very conspicuous 3lgnwhich la evident from all quarters ofthe room. The agent herself, wholurgely controls the destinies of thedramatic profession, sit" In a smalloffice and answers to the general andgenial name of "mother." In consid-eration of th« fact that there are someten thousand actors in the theatricalprofession, not to mention the manymanagers with whom she Is on equalterms of Intimacy, her responsibilitiesBfe large. Bhe has seen every playnndevery notor Inthe country, fend can tellyou' Just about what each player cando. Her list has every kind of artist,

from a *1000-a-we«k leading woman tomany soubrettes who value their ser-vices at $18. Bhe guarantees to supplynny manager with a complete, companyfor any play—tragedy, comedy, farce,problem or mußtcal. comedy—wlthlntwenty-four hours after the order isgiven. A c«se inpoint is that of a playwhich was produced In New Tork on aTuesday night. The next day the man-ager asked this agent to witness thatnight's performance. On Thursday shewas asked to engage an entire companyto produce , the play in Londq/i. .Thecast was completed the sama evenlngiput in rehearsal on Friday and salloaSaturday morning.—Outing Magazine.

HAND THAT RULE* THE STAGE

On the other hand, why should notsuch test conform to the "rule thatworks both ways." The young manwho sees his Idol only In the atmos-phere of the gets no idea of herappearance la the atmosphere of thekitchen. Probably there would be aloss number of divorces and -a!greatsaving of misery1

in married life iftheauto, and fighting test could bo ex-tended generally as prerequisites ofmatrimonial yoking.

Instead of .such a test as operatinga speedy auto or winninga prise fight,would It not be well for the prudentyoung woman to put her adorer to thetest of winning a home before clinch-ing a life mortgage to htm 7 Inciden-tally It might be well, also, to adoptmeans for thoroughly testing the youngman's habits

—his tendency to make a

distinction between his behavior in thepresence of Cupid and his behaviorwhen out of arrow reach.

A primary consideration In the mindof a sensible young woman of mar-riageable a.-c Intho ability of a suitorto provide a comfortable home, to*gather with ft reasonable certainty ofthr«6 square meals a day and n satis-factory display of adapUd dry goods.Such a young woman Is not satisfiedwith prattle about "love In ft cottage,"particularly If the cottage Is to |be arented 6ne, Involvingsome doubt aboutpreparation for meeting the landlord.

matrimonial yoke, "for better or forworse." In thei first case above re-f»md to the young woman's Ideal wa*

the highest typo of an auto driver, inthe other case the (dear was a light-weight fighting champion. But idealsof young women in matrimonial frameof mind differ very widely.

TIIB OUSTING OF HUAnST

\u25a0 <Reselutlon unanimously adoptedby the state Democratio conven-tion at Sacramento September 12.3"Hc«olvrrt,That In «l»e »o-cnlle«

Indenntflcnre IfnKuc we recoifiilsen political machine, create* br.W;H» Hcant \u25a0 for tila own politicalpreferment and ef which he \u25a0» theundisputed bflna, and an Ingeniousrndrnvor to foreatall and preventthe nomination forprealdeat andto romnase the defeat of America airreateit eltlien. William J. BryanWe therefore denounce «nch pur-po»ee and call upon all true Demo-crata to oppose inch ends."

And now tiaras and other adornmentswhich belong to this era of glitter mayhave to take a back seat for.brooches,bracelets, chains alid rings like thosnwith which the women of \u25a0 cultered

Rome and aesthetic Greece were wontto enhance their otherwise simplemakeup. The reason for this change,which more than one seer propesles,is due to the recent purchase made forthe greater glory of the MetropolitanMuseum of Art,, and which includesjewels worn 2400 years ago by womenof high rank. Even though the gemsare lacking in gleam and sparkle dueto the modern lapidary's skill, suchexquisite workmanship Is shown Inthedull yellow gold in which they are setthat it is no wonder that diamondstrings Rre losing favor In beauty'ssight. It looks us though .manufac-turers and importers willhave to goin for Grecian renaissance. "And canthese marvels of Greek workmanshipbe imitated?" serious beings will ask.Why, of course.— New York Press.

OLD JEWELRY COMING IN BTYLE

Poor Langdon! He represents nothing

and nobody on God's green earth butthe greed and selfishness of Hearst andhis renegades.

Union labor, at last exercising Usown prerogatives and becoming at lastconscious of the fact that Its organisa-tions have been submitting themselvesas catspaws ofHearst's personal ambi-tions and tails to the kites of his yel-

low papers— union labor has begun to

throw offits Hearst shackles by takingprompt and decisive steps to repudiateand disavow the Hearst league ticket.:It was high time. There are men of'fine Intelligence among the union labororganizations, and they have too longpermitted corrupt agitators to trade on,

their good name and sell them out to

such conscienceless millionaires as Wil-

liam Randolph Hearst, who, posing as"a friend of labor," is in reality ope ofthe worst enemies that honest labor hasIn all this country. .

Hearst and his hirelings created theso-called league; Hearst and his hire-lings held the so-called state conven-tion and nominated those men whomHearst selected. It Is the worst caseof boss-made, boss-owned, boss-directedpolitics Inthe history of this country.

Langdon, a good, fellow enough per-sonally, but a mere puppet of Hearst,

Is now pictured and paraded In thoHearst yellows as "the, people's candi-date," when the absurdity of It Is ob-vious.

Where 'did the people come In?The people had nothing whatever to

do with-It. It was a one-man affairthroughout. Boss Hearst organized tholeague in order to aid*his own Imperiledfortunes In New Tork and to assistHerrln Inkeeping the Democratic party

out of power InCalifornia,

Win. It H«arst; finding the Demo-cratic party determined to reorganiseitself and boost him out along with thoSouthern Pacific railroad, came wont

to Ban Franolsco, got together a bunchof his agents and employee, and underhis explicit orders they met, organizedthe so-called Independence league andnominated a state ticket. Langdon wasthen and there named, by the,Hearstagents, for governor.

The facts are quite, familiar, but it Istimely to recall how and why langdonhappens to be a candidate at atl.

MERELY A HEARST PUPPETTha H«arst yellow,has nn filltor In1

with the caption, -'Xangdon, tha Candi-date of the. People.'; , •

The lnpu<lfnr« of the thing is laugh-able. Everybody I« accustomed to ex-hibitions of gall from that quarter, butthis Is,surely pilingIt up to an un-wonted Ifnot an unexpected degree.

The gen«fal" appearances of the czar-ina may be

1 .'fairly well known in thiscountry, although fewer pictures havebeen published of her than of any othercrowned head^ But no picture that Ihad seen gave any Idea of how shereally looks, seen thus face to face.Perhaps this may be

-for the reason

that much of her beauty comes fromexquisite coloring, and that there, isabout her a subtle charm impossible topicture and difficult to describe. Sheis very tall and very slender, yet mostfinely proportioned. Her features arealmost Greek in their regularity, andthe natural expression of her facestruck me at once as singularly wist-ful and sweet sadness that never wentquite away even when she smiled. Herhair is strikinglybeautiful and luxuri-ant, long, heavy, glossy and brown-gold in color. Her eyes are large, soft;lustrous gray-blue, with long lashes,and I.painted them cast down, as theynearly always are: for she is shy, andhardly ever looks up without a blush.

Yet with all the czarina's blushingshyness, her bearing impressed me witha sense of something much deeper andgraver than mere admiration for a.beautiful, graceful woman. • It Is dif-ficult to.define Just what this Impres-sion was, but it may be termed ma-jesty, for lack of a subtler term; andthe feeling of It Increased during theentire time that Iwas privileged toenter her presence, although no onecould haveibeen kln,der or more simplein all that she said and did.-^-Century.

THE,CZARINA'S CHARM

A good, old fashioned practice thatmight well come Into more general ÜBeamong grape growers is that of pro-tecting the fruit while on the vine byInclosing the clusters In paper bags.There are numerous Insects, birds andfungous diseases that attack the fruitduring its development, and againstmost of these the bag can be made tofurnish almost perfect protection.Spraying to destroy the pests is ofteneffective and, for the \u25a0 benefit of 1 thevine and foliage, should never be neg-lected, but the proper use of the bagswillinsure a greater proportion of firstclass fruit than can \u0084be obtained byany other means known to me.—Coun-try Life In America. ' . ..\u25a0•\u25a0•-.-\u25a0•. • -'..

BAG YOUR GRAPES

Is it not astonishing that laboringmen qf presumed intelligence fall tosee that they are being used by suchplutocrats solely as stepping stones tohigh places?

As conclusive evidence that "thefools are not all dead," thousands oflaboring men are shouting for #the twomillionaire vote seekers, neither ofwhom would touch the hand of aworker with a pair of tongs exceptwith the sinister purpose now appar-ent.' Even in congress- Hearst's par-venu interests led him to cut the ac-quaintance of memberi who had themisfortune to be compa'ratlvely-'poor.

'\u25a0

And these two kid-gloved millionaire"labor leaders" are shoveling out cam-paign money in a manner delightful totheir hirelings and amazing* to theirhonest dupes. ItIs said that the costof Hearst's aspiration for the gover-norship, down to the time of his suc-cessful deal for the Democratic nom-ination, was upward of $1,000,000. ,Asevidence that the sum is likely tb.beduplicated, the announcement is madethat he and Chanler have each con-tributed $100,000 to the Democraticcampaign

'fund. Hearst's own party,

the so-called Independence league, haspractically no campaign resources ex-cept such as he and Chanler maycontribute.

One of the millionaires referred tois well-known In California— too wellknown for.the 'good name of tho state.This person la _W. ft; Hearst, whoseegregious vanity,leads him to believethat he Is destined to become presi-dent of the United States. The mateof Hearst, in this connection, la LewisStuyvesant Chanler, a Bclon of. theAstor and Stuyvesant families. Thesetwo pampered inheritors of greatwealth now appear as political leadersaßking the working classes to makethem, respectively, governor and lieu-tenant governor of the Empire state.

Nothing could be more ridiculousthan the posing of two New Yorkmulti-millionaires, of the dilettanteclllss, In the role of "labor leaders,"ostensibly arrayed against "the cap-

italistic class." The Idea of "Satanrebuking, sin" affords the nearest ap-proach to a fitting parallel to thespectacle. , *

A LUDICROUS SPECTACLE

no more. . \u25a0

—Isabel Bcclestone Mackay In The. Reader.

"O sister, 'sister,- from the' 'casement> 'leaning. •-•\u25a0• i

What see'st thy tranced eye, what is themeaning ,•

•\u25a0 .

Of that strange rapture that thy feat-ures, know?" ."Isee," she said, ."the sunset's crimson

glow."' ;• -

i'

"O sister, sister, from the casementturning, \u25a0 . \u25a0• . \u25a0 . •

\u0084

What saw st -thou there save sunset'ssullen burning? ' . -. ,—Thy hand Is ice, and fever lights thine

\u25a0eye!" •\u25a0

,"Isaw," she said, "the twilight drifting

by." - , < ."O sister, oft the sun hath set and oftenHave- we beheld the twilight fold and

soften • . . *\u25a0 •. .

Tho edge of day—ln this no' myst'rylies!"

' . '. . ,"Isaw," sho said, "the crescent moon

arise." . . ."O sister, speak! Ifear when on me

falleth .Thine empty glance which some wilda spell cnthralleth!

' '—How chill the air blows through theopen door!"

"Isaw," she said, "Isaw"—-and spake

THE VISION

WALTER WELLMANSociety Sketches

Mrs. Green received her caller In thoentrance hall, a large, and roomy, apart-ment .with a winding staircase. The

When this subject was broached toMrs. Green she said:"Inever trouble the future. Ilot

It take care of itself." "

Mrs. Green's Voice Softens

Then her voice softened and sheadded: "But everything Ithink thomost of is here. It is my home, andmy husband's and its associations tirevery dear to me. It is natural to sup-pose thatIshall remember these thingsin my will.,Now this tax matter again!It la the "worry and. trouble such asmall amount oauses that Iobject to.In managing an immense fortune andkeeping it busy, there must be attend-ed to a- duty which God has given meto perform. A vast system is- requiredand even a small change upsets thesystem and necessitates much worry."

Bellows Falls feels that it has lost allhope of benefiting from the, immensefortune of Mi-n.Green on account of theI'filno. It had expected a hospital, alibrary or some kindof a memorial.

When a correspondent raised the clap-per on the cottage door today, Mrs.Green's maid responded. The maid Is awonder. Her face is as imperturbableas a cup. of weak tea.' She was tellingthe scribe that Mrs. Green was In Bos-ton, would notreturn in three days anddid not want to see a newspaper mananyway, when Mrs. Green appeared."

"You may say. that this is not the endof the affair," was Mrs. Green's com-ment when told of the decision of theboard. "It may be an act of provi-dence. It ahows mo that the people ofBellows Falls do not want me here anylonger, and perhaps it is just as well.Iwish to be let alone. Icome hereafter a hard year's work in New York,and Iwant to rest. It is not the $2000that Iobject to, for that is a pittance.Ican get more than the additional taxright out of my plfce."

Mrs. Green paused as If in mentalcalculation. "Let me see. The fire de-partment wants my barn for its horses,and si man with five.children wants torent the house. The board of listers ismistaken if,it.thinks that by drivingme- out

1

4t:oan.gett possession of myhomestead at a low figure for a library.Ishall never give it to Bellows Fallsfor a Carnegie library, forIdo not ap-prove of such things with a string aNtachment." \u25a0 .

Her Maid a Wonder

The board, figuring on the million-dollar increase, took It upon Itself toconfront Mrs. Green with the $2000raise. She made a vigorous protect, ap-pearing in person before the board totell them what she thought of the game.The board decided yesterday that theraise was about right and must stand.

Bellows rFalls Is mighty sorry theboard played such a stiff hand. Itde-cided to make a record this year, andup went tho town list nearly a milliondollars. Heretofore Mrs. Green has donenbout 'ns. sho llkos in the assessmentgame.

'Some years she appraised her

holdings -at $10,000 und others, whenshe felt particularly generous, found$100,000 opposite her name. •

"When Ifight there is usually afunural, and It Isn't mine, cither," Mrs.,Green said today. .

Mrs. Groen's" daughter, Mlssi. Sylvia,appeared in the village hardware storeearly this morning and bought locksand bolts to close up the old-fanhloncdcottage on tho brow of the hill withIts .view of the Connecticut valley.Mrs. Green does not conceal her sor-row over leaving the old homestead.It Is here hor children were reared,and her husband is sleeping in tho vjl-lage churhyard.

BELLOWS FALLS, Vt., Oct. 2.—Like an injudicious player in a pokergnme, the Bellows Falls board of list-ers raised Mrs. Hetty Qroen, creditedwith being the richest woman in theworld, $2000 .on her $10,000 tax assess-ment. The board thought it was aboutthe right elza raise. It was too much.

Special to The Herald.

A man who had watched the affairand claimed to know about hogs, razor,

backs Inparticular,' gave the followingdissertation: "Arkansas has a great-er variety of hogs and less pork andlard.than any state in.the.Union, Anaverage hog InArkansas weighs aboutfourteen pounds when dressed with itshead on and about six pounds anda half with Its head oft. Itcan outruna greyhound, Jump a rail fence, climb

-like a' parrot and live on grass,' rootsand rabbit tracks. Ithasn't much tailor bristle, but plently of gall. It willlick a wolf or a bear Ina fair fight.Itis so called ra/,or back because it isshaped like a sunflsh. Inhunting razorbacks ,they are shot at sideways,for there is not a ghost of a' show tohit them otherwise, any more than toshoot at a shingle.- Itcan drink milkout of a quart Jar on account of Itslong,' thin • head. This type of razor\u25a0back Is known as the stone hogbecauseits head is -so heavy and its nose solong that It balances up behind. Theowner of this type of hogs usually tiesa stone to its tall to keep Itfrom over-balancing and breaking its neck whilerunning. If the

*stone \u25a0is too -heavy

It will pull the skin over its eyes and!it willgo blind."—Mineral Wells Index.

THE ARKANSAS PORKER

No, that rumor that the city hall Isto be cleaned out doesn't apply to thepolitical drones who hibernate there.That would be too good to be true.Itmeans only the ousting of bacilliandOther suchlike' innocents. '

This subject certainly is of sufficientImportance to warrant the submissionof It to popular vote, on a charteramendment, In accordance with thereal estate men's appeal to the charterrevision committee of the council.

Butadvocates of the new propositiondeclare that a complete showing of thesituation, In respect to the city's ex-pansion, will lead to a reversal of theformer vote. Great as that expansionhas been during the last two years, itis argued that the stoppage of railwayextension has greatly retarded Improve-

ment inmany sections of the city. Thoadvance of improvement follows, therailway lines, as a rule, and it looksreasonable that the lack of new lineshas had a tendency to check improve-ment incertain districts.

There is no good cause for objection

to the submission of this question topopular vote, as desired by the realestate interests. The proposition is inaccordance with the good old Demo-cratic idea of homo rule inlocal affairsand of majority rule In all publicaffairs. The twenty-one-year franchisesystem was adopted by a large ma-jority of the popular vote. Ifthe peo-ple are of the same mind now as at thoformer period they will vote againstthe proposed change. And whatever thedecision may be the minority willacquiesce, in true Democratic fashion.

The present proposition of the realestate men Is that a limit be adopted- ona line half way between the presentlimit and the one which It superseded.That Is to say, they ask that thefranchise life perlod.be fixed at thirty-

three years. It is intimated that therailway companies would \u25a0be satisfiedwith such an adjustment, and that theywould resume the construction of newlines and extensions of others on thatbasis. "., \u25a0 •;•

These men certainly are the bestjudges of cause and effect In this mat-

ter. Itis said that there' are 2500.per-sons, approximately, who are directly

concerned in the real estate business.This representative group has appealedto the city councir to resubmit to votersthe question of

-franchise limitation.

The present limit is twenty-one years;prior, to two years ago It was fifty

years. ,

The Los Angeles real estate dealersseem to be of one accord in the opinionthat the limitation of street railway

franchises to twenty-one years Is work-ing incalculable injuryto the city's ex-pansion.

LET VOTES DECIDE

• An example of this .role Is a winocolored veil, wound about a mole.-grayhat,' plumed with.wine colored plumesheld In place by a single rose. \u25a0 ;i>

A second very pretty autumn mod?is the Dauphin hat with'a beret crown.It Is made of mulberry red chiffon,ve-lours and haa a

-chrome colored felt

brim;Ia cluster .of \u25a0 purple \u25a0 and greengrapes Is used at one side. and thereare long fringed velvet ends. '\u25a0

The veil is going to play a most im-portant role In the autumnal millinerycampaign, and is .obliging enough toact • a dual part as an ornament . tothe hat and a throatlet or scarf. >

MILLINERY FOR OCTOBER

The Campaign CigarThere'n an odor In tho atmosphere nt

onca both vile'and sad;Itturns your blood to water and affects

your stomach bad;Yon wonder whence It comoth as'you

wander forth afar;Thon remember— 'tis the season of the'tough campaign cigar.

The candidates are busy buttonholing.voters shy,

And tlielr pockets are fair bulging withtheir smokable supply; \u25a0 ,

They will talk an arm oft of you, andwill end ItWith a Jar, •

And before you have recovered, you'velit a campaign cigart

Oh, the smell that's In your nostrils oftho "Punkerlno" brand 1

Oh, the awful empty feeling, tilt you'roscarce able to stand 1

Allyour neighbors s«ek seclusion; tlfe?can toll Just whore you areBy the stench that is emitted from your

vile campaign cigarl

You declare you'll never handle nnymore such awful things,

*

But another oftlco>holder then another. at you flings; . .'Tls a "Cabbageleafarlno." To oblige,

you leap the bar,'

No naloon will tolerate the puff of vcampulgn cigar!

Woe. oh. woo! For they ero manywhen the campaign's good and hot.

But of all the wretched troubles, there'sno other that Is not

Easy borne and least romemberod, beitnear or bo It far,

Whcn'conslderod Inrelation to the punkcampaign cigar! ',

A new novel Is called "Before Ad-am." Ifit tells the naked truth, won'tAnthony Coinstock get tho Jar of hislife!

Russian nihilists now use autos.Probably recognize them as the dead-liest known weapon. '

That Chicago consumptivp who builta house in a tree must • expect "a lotof good from the cllmb-lt. ••.

Poppy—Why didn't you let him kissyou?

'•Magnolia—He can't keep a secret.'

Do the breakers roar because thewhite caps are always lashing thewaves? , *•

A Chicago lawyer says there ;areonly two places worse than Windytown. Yes, we know about hell, butwhat's the other one?

"

Jim's Trademark'

On last Wednesday afternoon a welldressed gentleman stepped into thoNews office. At first*we were unableto tell whether he wj»b a governor,congressman or Just an ordimfty Jus-tice of the peace, but upon a closerscrutiny we recognized his celluloidcollar as one we had seen on severalformer occasions and wo knew It wasour old-time friend, Jim Greets, .whohad Just returned from Bunnyslde,—Blckleton (Ore.) News. .

A Chicago 'firm makes' straw candy.That ought to tickle the kids. i )

Not every steamer trunk lives up to.Its 'labels, . • ' \ .. ' "

t'Mrs: Orange— Do;you;!' do- your1owncooking In an emergency? .'Mrs. Lemon— No, in the kitchen. :

-\u25a0

This Itch for office Is keeping" al-lota1-lot

of gocd men scratching: Just 'now. \u25a0'

\u25a0\u25a0\u25a0 ;.":\u25a0 \u25a0Tho'tßboV'-'Vf '^'V »(The new, law, requiring \ truth 'in

all statements conveyed by labels,•went into effect yesterday.— NewsItem.). .. ..; ',' , : /\u25a0. '\u25a0 "\u25a0'\u25a0\u25a0; ;^;. .;\u25a0 •.

Tho label's on the can today; we know.. Just what we eat; \ . .They cannot foolus longer when we ask

'em for a treat; .The little label tells us. the Ingredients-

we know y . \u25a0

Alltho guess work now is over—

for thulabel says It's so! ;• j; y l£

Nevermore the groundup rabbit' willcomo forth as chicken pje; •,"\

Nevermore to give us mutton ''will thebillygoats all die; . V; '."'..;,, \u0084

Nevermore the festive lunch ham. will.be made of knuckles— no, \u0084,;,.'

We willnow know what we're eating,\u25a0' for the label says it's sol : '

In the days gone by, wo flourished ondried feef that ne'er was cow,

And we prospered on the ( boiled hamthat was little pork,Ivow! \u25a0

' •We were glad to drink beef extract that

a beef wouldnever know—But we dine on what we like now, for. the label says it's so! \u25a0

Once the sausage growled when heated;once 0i« soups were, alkali; , ,

Once the tongue no sound e'er uttered,and the lard ng'er

-knew a sty;

',. .;

Once the remnants' and the scrabble;went to fillour maws, but no,\.

That time's past' and gone. forever, • fortho label says it's so!

Oh, the label on the tin can, let me sing'',in praise of the*! ' •' .', .'\u25a0

Now tho day has come when. l'llknow'what IputInside o' me! ,',_• .',\u25a0.-..

"

Blessed • label, truthful label; what aworld of things you show! \u0084/„:

Now we're sure about our eating, fm

the label says it's so! \u0084.,',

\.. :--

•\u25a0;\u25a0 —w. H. c.v;.

. San Bernardino women have made afine start toward eliminating the offen-sive" billboard. Will Los Angelakindlyget Inline?

\u25a0

miElect ,Gillett. and both Hearst, andHerrln ard' fastened on California likevampires. Elect Bell, and both areeliminated at one swooo. That's all.

• California will as gladly boot Herrlnout, if jNew Tork will accept thediscard, as it fired Hearst, his un-heavenly twin.

"Doc" Houghton for mayor? No,thank you; the present specimen Isenough. Los Angeles will take no morechances.

Lnngdon'j shabby trick to deceivethe laborers shows Just how false afriend he Is to the man who works.

Pasadena, at tonight's banquet toMr. Huntingdon, might well thank himand The Herald for owl cars.

Yes, the weather Is cooler, but theIre of the people against the S. P.bosses Increases every day.

:Having gulped down Hearst whole,New York is now urged to complete themeal by devouring Herrln.

Maybe the real crime of the Mormonpresident was in giving the worldforty-three more Smiths.

Herrln and Hearst, or Bell and goodgovernment— the one issue in Califor-nia's campulgn.

* Once more Los Angeles points withpride to .the finest climate on carth

—bar none. •

Grover Cleveland- has gone fishing.Grover is us wise as ever. It isn't hislight,y'know.

jiMore troops for Cuba? Sure; the,tobacco and sugar trusts must be'saved. • •

The rush to get off the Hearst booby

cart in New York just now Is aston-ishing. \u25a0

•'\u25a0

.Gillett says he is not Herrln's catß-paw. No, he reports direct to Har>rlman.

Boss Odell denounces Hearst. Any.

one OCell can't stand for Is prettyrotten.

-

J -.The real genuine California brand of,

weather Is again on tap at the oldstand, t

An American won the Paris balloonrace, and .It wasn't a hot air win,either.

There \u25a0is no room In California forHearst or Herrln. . This is the people'syear.'

Dowle is "not,going- to Mexico. TheDiaz government is to be congratu-lated.

"'

"Doc";Houghton is about to spring p.new Joke-rh's candidacy for mayor.

Formally'tendered New York: One

Herrln. '-'twin iniquity to Hearst.

IHerrtn an« Hearst— one blow willkillboth.'

\u25a0:——

: : \u25a0•

.Hasn't New York sent forHerrln, theHearst twin,yet?

[1DidPunston take his famous bathingsuit and press agent to Cuba?

The reverberations of Bell's voiceare stillheard, ln the. southland.

t. . '. i. \u25a0 i., i i. i,i

,It would.sqem to the ordinary, manwho possesses one wife that confine-ment, to President Bmlth of the Mor-mons,', who possesses five, would behailed as a glad season of rest andrecreation.

TUB POET"Oh, tell rnu, sullor, Ipray.

Of the ocean profound and vast;Of the cloudlesH sky tAnd the seagull's cry , \u25a0

As It circled about the must.Oh. tell of the stinging spray;

Of the dangerous, dripping fog—And Infuse the wholeWith a dash of soul,

For you sound us a vessel's log.What I want in tho salt etui tang—in

brief.Let your Inner Bellf be your Lelt-Motif,

And do not allude to grog."

TUB TAR"When 1next sailed away to sea vFor a skipper we had fceb Tate,Who, conotialed by a fog,Bo diluted our grog

That our Jag« wus a whole day lato.And the cook, he wus six foot two,Hut his dog he wus two foot six,

Yet the average sizeOf the rent of us b'ys—

(Not countln' Pop Squid)— wusWofs the matter, Duet— wot in—

Loggo my throat!" \u25a0» •\u25a0'-New York Tlrnes.

(Being a Clash of Boul and Matter.)THE POET

"Oh, tell me, sailor, Ipray,Of the ocean sublime and blue.Of the long, still nlghta,

'When the Northern Lights

Do whatever it is they do.-

Oh, tell of the radiant dawns:Tell of Sltka and Singapore;

Of the creaking sailsAnd the spouting whales.

And the hurricane's fateful roar.And the awesome thoughts in the sailor's

mindWhenever he leaves far, far behind

The lights of his native shore."THE! TAB

"When Ifust run away to sea.With a skipper called, Mungo Noggs,Wo wire allof us fullFrom the Hook to HullOf the warlegatedest grogs—And the mute was a Bawed-off runt,

But the cook wua a tajllsh chap,Yet the rest of us b'ysWuz of average hlzo,

Thuugh out- whiskers;—"

THE POET AND THE TAR

Of course crookedness has been dis-covered In connection with the Lang-don canvass. Was there ever a Hearstscheme \u25a0 not founded \u25a0on Iniquity andhedged about' by vlleness and moralrottenness?

The two incidents here noted sug-gest Interesting' possibilities. Why, inthe first place, should not a prospec-tive bride insist upon tangible. assur-ance that •.*,suitor for her hand!, ls adesirable man '

to hook up with in the

A somewhat similar' circumstance,

but with a reverse situation ultimately,was reported In connection with therecent prize fight at Qoldfleld. "Bat*tllug" Nelaon, as reported, had thepromise of a bride on the condition thathe won the light. He lost, however,and the prospective bride Is said to

have jiltedhint In disgust.

A Buggeetive Incident Is related con-cerning the recent great tautomobilerace on Lung Island for the Vanderblltcup. It la stated that "In addition towinning the race,' Tracy also won abride, a Miss Taylor' having acceptedhis proposal of marriage conditionedupon his winning."

TRYING HIS METAL

"Old Pat Delaney left all hl» moneyto young Jerry Delaney, tils nephew,didn't her*. \u0084\u25a0•;•. / ..

"Yes, and since he got the moneyhe's made quit* a name for himself,"

"0! come now, it's ridiculous—"

\u2666'It It,,indeed, It's.'Jerome De LaW.imV now."-Phlladelphla Tress.

Very Ridiculous

LOS ANGELES HERALDi WEDNESDAY MORNING, OCTOBER 3, 1906.

HETTY IS ANGRYAND WILL MOVE

Pi-Lines andTick-UosfurnWiitißi Are copied after a famousNewport villa. On either sld« arebroad parlors filled with heirloom*.Mrs. Omen* pet doer, Dewey, a littleYorkshire terrier, bounded Into theroom. Mm, Oreen dropped on hsf handsand kne^B, nnd aismlislns; the tax raisefrom her mind, proceeded to put Deweythrough hi* tricks for the edificationof the caller.

'

INDIGNANT AT ACTION, WILLQUIT THE PLACE

He-Would you mini IfIwalked alongwith you" . -

\u25a0* \u25a0

6be-Ohl no IncJi-pri! |should probablyforssHi vnu w*re thcrp jn»li1»'if flve min-utes • . .

Cholly-Waan't that dr««m 1 ]u«t tolayou 1 bad tut night tht most peculiaryou aver heard oft •

\u25a0 • <Molly—It was peculiar, but \u25a0!>• nesrd

the same dream before. Why can't youb« oaora original.Chollyl

\u0084

WUey—tat's move farther Dp town |Hubby-Ym; and Ut's riot* mother

op withhim.

WJf »y—Why willyou peraln IB cominghoinr la this oondltlonT , -.•\u25a0\u25a0 .

IJubby-Uunno. I—bio—gu*»§i(at pnthe wrong,cur, .

Clarenr*—l don't \u25a0' »•• 'bow all mytnenda uiauif*to **tmarrix] no Malty.-OUy»4 suppose tha» . nod » bl»»«rfoot* ttian they tito and Umu piupws. \u0084•.,

He—Can't you giv*in*any hop*l< 8h»-Why, p«S. | Uav« tbrc* uumar-rle<l «l»tei«, '

•. \u25a0 -\u25a0•......• H«-V«»i but r»« propo«4 to .11 of

6

\u25a0 Hamtstikers' Club Tonight. *'

Every ona1doililni to oeoure »' form!home,In California U tnvltedi to the mwtlnf at So'clock, thin ovtnlng In Home BxUnilon Hall,Chambir of Commerce. Fourth n»w town andcolony DOW b«lnr formed, also the Lot Am«-l*a Acre ,Lot Club. Land dlltrlbuted at whole-wile to memberi. Come mid loam. ,,

\u25a0 ej," \u25a0' '"__^i«««' S«t of Tola '$\u25a0»>'/ \u25a0

'IikwaTw'fellaMsr/phone

tt&VwivaVe^^^1"'-I4H@WfiJ^s*is^^««« &, HvßaShawtßllßSsav^^ Broadway

\p*o~'0~'

\u25a0;,-:;;. • &ENTIBTB.-Open ev.nln,. till •;»"* sfci&fejw |U O.V