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Powerful Lessons in Personal
Change
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PARADIGMS
A general agreement or belief of howA general agreement or belief of how
the world worksthe world works
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Paradigm - How do we see
things? The lens we all wear
We all see things through our own Paradigms, which are ourown ways of thinking.
We may not know the paradigm exists, like contact lens. We think
what we see is objective. But it may not be.
Our unique experience creates the lens
Family
Education
Environment
Culture
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Two people can see the same thing, disagree and yet
both be right.
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Whats the biggest problem you
are facing? At work
In family
Relationship Health
Time
Meaning of life
Death
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Everybody has one
I am having tremendous professional success, but its cost mepersonal and family life.
I know Im overweight. I tried all the ways without success.
My employees are always waiting for me to give them orders.I am tired of that.
I am too busy. I feel pressured and hassled all day, every day,seven days a week.
My kid wont listen to me anymore
There is no love in my marriage. We dont feel it anymore.
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The way we SEE the problem is the
problem Its out there. Its the problem of the others. We look at the symptoms and ignore the root cause
We expect some magic techniques and quick fixes. The realsolution may be a long process and require significant efforts
Examples:
Employees lack of loyalty
Marriage without love
Always busy, but little accomplished
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Paradigm shift - See things
differently Paradigm shift is powerful Fundamentally change our attitudes and behaviors
The only way for us to make significant and quantumchanges Science
From Earth center to Sun center
Society From Kings to Democracy
Life Life threatening crisis
Step into a new role
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Inside-out
Start with yourself
Paradigms
Characters
Motives
Private victory precedes public victory
Keep promise to ourselves before to others
Improve ourselves before improve the relationships
Work on our characters before work on personalities
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Inside-out examples
To have a good marriage Help in daily tasks
Frequent appreciation
Understand his/her interests and motives
To have a pleasant, cooperative teenager More understanding
Empathic
Consistent
Loving
To have more freedom, more latitude in your job Be more responsible
More helpful
More contributing
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The Paradigm Change Process
Its a continuing renewal process
No quick fixes. No shortcutNo quick fixes. No shortcut
The heights of greatThe heights of greatmen were notmen were notachieved by suddenachieved by suddenflightflight
-- AristotleAristotle
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The journey of a thousand
miles begins with a single step
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HABIT
A recurrent, often unconscious pattern of
behavior that is acquired through frequent
repetition.
An established nature of the mind or
character
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We are what we repeatedly do.
Excellence, therefore, is not an act,but a habit
- Aristotle
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HABIT 1
BE PROACTIVE
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Proactive
Acting in advance to deal with an expected
change or difficulty
Being anticipatory so as to look or plan ahead
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Responsibility
Response ability
The ability to choose your response
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Stimulus
(event)
Response
(behaviour)
Our choice onsequence(how the event
affects us)
Natural law
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Examples
S Due to obesity, you feel lethargic and lessenergetic
R Ive tried dieting in the past, it doesnt workfor me; my body structure is such that I puton weight easily; I dont have time to cook
healthy food at home; numb out (internet, tv,shopping)
C You stay obese and unhealthy
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Examples
S Due to obesity, you feel lethargic and lessenergetic
R Do something about it; Others have done it, Ican too; baby steps towards a healthierlifestyle; reduce that 1 coke which you takeafter lunch
C You get small successes, and motivated bythem, you move on to achieve your goal
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Examples
S A challenging assignment comes up at work
R There are senior people also, why should I volunteer;
I know I cant do it, Im not that smart and
hardworking; the last time I wasnt given proper
credit for my work, so I wont bother this time
C You miss out on growth opportunities as well as on
finding your capabilities
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Examples
S A challenging assignment comes up at work
R This is a perfect opportunity to showcase my skills
and talent; if I can do this, it will be a great additionto my CV
C You take the assignment with the right attitude and
effort, and grow personally as well as professionally
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Examples
S I am too busy. I feel pressured and hassled all day
R Am I working on priorities or on to-do lists? How
will this help me achieve my goals? Can I delegatesome of this work? Can I talk to my boss to give me
some advise in this matter?
C You work on important stuff, achieve more in less
time, and get ample leisure period
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Examples
S You are stuck in the same job at the same post for a long
time
R Im not as smart as others in this company; the companyvalues only good talkers and not hard-workers; I will do
just my share of job and show no initiatives; there is no
use learning new stuff since it wont be noticed by my
boss anyway, basically, you COMPLAIN
C You stagnate and pretty soon life feels hopeless and
empty. You are just existing, not living
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Examples
S You are stuck in the same job at the same post for a long
time
R Why is it that some people are moving ahead of me while I
remain here; I will read articles and books related to my field;
I will develop one new business skill this year; you seek
counseling from a trusted senior/mentor
C You get noticed, you are given slightly more responsibility,your experience and knowledge helps your boss in running
the business better, your value is realized you get promoted
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Examples
S Employees/team-members are not motivated
R They are just a bunch of dumbos, its no use trying
to motivate them; I tried a few times but they arenot interested; this is the way things have been
always, it wont change now
C The team remains demotivated, performs below
par, your productivity suffers as a result of being part
of the team
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Examples
S Employees/team-members are not motivated
R What is the reason no skills? No opportunities?
No guidance? No reward system?; what steps can Itake to increase their motivation level; talk to them
individually to find out the problem
C The team opens up to you and you build mutual
respect; if gaps are filled the motivation improves;
productivity soars
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Not until you can sayI am what I am today
because of the choices I
made yesterday
... can you say
I choose otherwise.
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People are always blaming their
circumstances for what theyare. I dont believe in
circumstances. The people who
get on in this world are thepeople who get up and look for
the circumstances they want,
and, if they cant find them,
make them.
George Bernard Shaw
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The decisions you make in
todays circumstance are thedefining factor in what your
circumstances will be in the
future
You do this by deciding to overcome todays
circumstances no matter what they are
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Easier said than done
DOESNT GET YOU
OUT OF THE
RESPONSIBILITY
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Myth about circumstances
Myth : My circumstances prevent me from doing
what I want to do
Law: A circumstance is a fact. A circumstance
with an opinion is an excuse
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Circumstance
A condition or fact attending an event and
having some bearing on it
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RATIONALIZATION
Allows us to work our way OUT of the
circumstance, rather than standing up and
facing the circumstance and doing something
about it
BUT YOU HAVE GOT TO STOPDOING IT. NOW
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Not take NO for an answer
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Its not a matter of working harder - Its a
matter of working until it gets done. Period.
Facts (circumstances) are not supposed to
prevent action, but they do because of the
emotion we attach to them.
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EXERCISE
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Be Proactive
Proactive people:
Are responsible for their own actions
Are conscious of their own decisions and theconsequences of those decisions
Do not blame circumstances, conditions or people for theirbehavior
Do not use statements like Its not my fault if
I just couldnt help it
If only I had more time/money/resources
Avoid being REACTIVE
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HABIT 2
BEGIN WITH THE END
IN MIND
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Stimulus
(event)
Response
(behaviour)
Our choice onsequence
(how the event
affects us)
Natural law
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You cannot choose your response
unambiguously until you are clear on
what you want
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Which road do I take? Alice
Where do you want to go? Cat
I don't know - Alice"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter
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So hat do YOU ant ?
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Goals and Goal Programmes
Everybody has a goal even alcoholics doGoal programme
1. Objective
2. Benefits (cant sell on price)
3. Skills
4. Obstacles
5. Ppl to work with
6. Plan of action
7. Completion date
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Why are you here?
What is your purpose in life?
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Set your goals TODAY
Write them down
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Lifelong goals
To live the most authentic and fulfilling life
possible
To connect to and fully express the divine
within me
To touch others lives and to help them
achieve their highest potential
To be better tomorrow from what I was
yesterday
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Once you have set your macro (lifetime) goals,
you can then work towards micro (short term)
goals
Physical goal
Financial goal
Professional goal
Emotional goal
Personal goal
Leisure/travel goals
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Some guidelines
You are not stuck with your goals
The very process of choosing goals brings up
emotional resistance depression,
overwhelmed, numbing out
Start with simple, obvious goals
Write goals for each category
Write down whatever comes to mind
loosens you up
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Goals should be in alignment with each other
Now write goals for next week, month, 6
months
KEEP IT REALISTIC!!! Comfort, stretch and
panic zones
REVIEW, REVISE, RECREATE
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Failure will happendont freak out!
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As will successcelebrate it!!
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We must accept finite disappointment, but
we must never lose infinite hope- Martin Luther King Jr.
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Learning to be helpless
THE SHUTTLEBOX EXPERIMENT
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Experiment repeated with humans with
SAME RESULTS
But, one out of every three DID NOT
become helpless
Went trying on and on regardless of what
others did
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Fierce curiosity
Who gives up and who doesnt?
Who prevails and who succumbs?
WHY?
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PERMANENT (Pessimistic) TEMPORARY (Optimistic)
Diets never work Diets dont work when youalways eat out
You always complain You complain when I dont do
my share of work
The boss never appreciates me The boss is in a bad mood
today
Im always busy and pressured
and given too much work
The SALE is on and we need to
make the most of this time
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UNIVERSAL (Pessimistic) SPECIFIC (Optimistic)
Im not attractive enough Im not his/her type
I can never keep promises to
anyone
I generally keep my promises,
but this time I wasnt able to
My boss is a bastard, my team is
lazy, my wife fights with me. My
whole life is a failure
Things are not going well at
work right now, but my personal
life is good my wife loves me
and I enjoy with my friends
Books are useless This book is not good
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Common traits of pessimists
Blame their failures on their lack of ability
and their worthlessness
Cannot get started on any but the most
routine tasks and give up easily when
impeded
Are inattentive and dont pay attention to
the crucial cues that signal reward or safety
Lose interest in usual activities life seems
drab and boring
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GOOD NEWS Pessimist
explanatory style can bechanged, and
permanently
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STEP 2 Get contrary
evidence
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STEP 3 Make different
explanations
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STEP 4 Distract from
depressing thoughts
STEP 5 Question your
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STEP 5 Question your
assumptions I cant live without love
Love is precious but rare
If my work is not perfect, Im a failure
Success is doing my best
I have to be in the good books of everyone
For every one person that likes me, two will dislike
me
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HABIT 3
PUT FIRST THINGS
FIRST
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urgent not urgent
important
I: necessity
crises
deadlines
maintaining(25 - 25)
II: opportunity
PC activities
planning & prevention
commitment(65-15)
III
interruptions
some meetings
some reports(5-55)
IV
trivia
busy work
time wasters(5-5)
We want Quadrant II > Quadrant I.
Quadrant II comes from Quadrants III and IV.
Not important
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Dont confuse Important with Urgent
Urgent is easy to see. But
Important is what gives RESULTS
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93
Habit 3 ... The 80/20 rule
1 Identify big rocks (Q2).
2 Schedule these FIRST!
3 Surround with other.
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You cannot manage time
You can only manage youractions
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Re-examine your workload
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Delegate
Delegation is not DUMPING
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Minimize interruptions
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Take care of your health
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Quit making excuses
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FINALLY
Periodically review/modify your
schedule and priorities
f hf h
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