8/14/2019 Kenny Hogan's Powerpoint Show- From The AV Goon's Perspective
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Kenny HoganKenny Hogan
Audio Visual GoonAudio Visual Goon
MY EXTREMELY IMPORTANTMY EXTREMELY IMPORTANTPRESENTATIONPRESENTATION
(WHICH IS FRIGGIN INTERESTING AS HELL)(WHICH IS FRIGGIN INTERESTING AS HELL)
8/14/2019 Kenny Hogan's Powerpoint Show- From The AV Goon's Perspective
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Before we BeginBefore we Begin
PLEASE ENSURE THAT YOUR CELL
PHONE IS TURNED ON DURING THECONFERENCE SESSIONS, AND THAT
YOU HAVE CHOSEN THE LOUDEST AND
MOST RIDICULOUSLY OBNOXIOUS
RINGTONE POSSIBLE.
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MY VISION:MY VISION:
To empower the re-engineering of value-addedTo empower the re-engineering of value-addedinfrastructures.infrastructures. To deploy best-of-breed plug-and-play platformsTo deploy best-of-breed plug-and-play platforms
and mindshare convergence architectures withinand mindshare convergence architectures withinparadigm shifts of the new millennium.paradigm shifts of the new millennium.
To generate frictionless net matrix synergisticTo generate frictionless net matrix synergistictransparent e-business in global 24/365transparent e-business in global 24/365experiences.experiences.
To re-invent business process management andTo re-invent business process management and
software service-oriented architecture whilesoftware service-oriented architecture whilecelebrating diversity.celebrating diversity.
TO SOMEDAY GET A FREAKING CLUE ABOUTTO SOMEDAY GET A FREAKING CLUE ABOUTWHAT ANY OF THESE POINTLESSWHAT ANY OF THESE POINTLESS
BUZZWORDS ACTUALLY MEAN.BUZZWORDS ACTUALLY MEAN.
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The Reason we are here:The Reason we are here:
Theyre paying us.Theyre paying us.
Its better than working.Its better than working.
While we are here, someone else is doingWhile we are here, someone else is doingour work for us.our work for us.
Free coffee and muffins.Free coffee and muffins.
Later on we can get drunk for nothing.Later on we can get drunk for nothing.
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What the presenter thinks:What the presenter thinks:
Man, this is so exciting and I am so frigginMan, this is so exciting and I am so friggin
INTERESTING!INTERESTING!
I have so much important stuff to say, I hopeI have so much important stuff to say, I hopeI can fit it all in!I can fit it all in!
Maybe I should speak for twice as long, thatMaybe I should speak for twice as long, that
way Ill be TWICE as interesting!way Ill be TWICE as interesting! I am a dynamic SUPER-NOVA of importantI am a dynamic SUPER-NOVA of important
information!!!information!!!
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What everyone in the audience isWhat everyone in the audience is
thinking:thinking:
Jesus! Will this guy EVER SHUT UP?Jesus! Will this guy EVER SHUT UP?
Did this guy dress in the dark?Did this guy dress in the dark?
Is he that fat, or is his ass eating his pants?Is he that fat, or is his ass eating his pants?
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What the AV GUY is thinking:What the AV GUY is thinking:
Jesus! Will this guy EVER SHUT UP?Jesus! Will this guy EVER SHUT UP?
Did this guy dress in the dark?Did this guy dress in the dark?
I think my ass is eating my pants!I think my ass is eating my pants!
8/14/2019 Kenny Hogan's Powerpoint Show- From The AV Goon's Perspective
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Nobody CaresNobody Cares
BOSS-GUY SAYS
STUFF
PEOPLE
PRETEND TO
UNDERSTAND
BORING
UNDERLING
IMITATES
BOSS-GUY
UPWARDLY
MOBILE YUPPIE
COPIES
BORINGUNDERLING
SAYS THE
SAME THINGS
SOME OTHER
GUY
SPEAKS FOR NOREASON
AT ALL
BULLSHITE
MORE BULLSHITEHORSESHITE
TEDIUM
MONOTONY
BOREDOM
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AND THERES ALWAYSAND THERES ALWAYS
A SLIDE LIKE THISA SLIDE LIKE THIS
Blowhole MagnitudeBlowhole Magnitude
Odometer ReadingsOdometer Readings
Crab/Cave IndexCrab/Cave Index
0.00E+00
2.00E+01
4.00E+01
6.00E+01
8.00E+01
1.00E+02
APRIL
1972
TAPIOCA
INCHES
0
500
1000
1500
2000
1st Qtr
NoseconesChinrest
Shnozzola
Lung Butter
Ballpeen
North
Aardvarks
Strange Aroma
(NOBODY UNDERSTANDS IT AT(NOBODY UNDERSTANDS IT AT
ALL)ALL)
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AND THE SLIDE NOBODY CANAND THE SLIDE NOBODY CAN
READREAD
Due to the fact that I am in a semi-perpetual state of phantasmagoria I deem it highly impossible to render the required information.Due to the fact that I am in a semi-perpetual state of phantasmagoria I deem it highly impossible to render the required information. I've never been to hell, and I hope I will never go there, but I'm willing to bet that they have power-point slides down there, and Satan probably uses aI've never been to hell, and I hope I will never go there, but I'm willing to bet that they have power-point slides down there, and Satan probably uses a
wireless lav microphone with a dying battery in it.wireless lav microphone with a dying battery in it.
It's very embarrassing to fall asleep in meetings. People nudge you when you snore, and that's not fun. You can pull neck muscles just from snappingIt's very embarrassing to fall asleep in meetings. People nudge you when you snore, and that's not fun. You can pull neck muscles just from snapping
back awake. There are lots of ways to bump your head when you nod off too, so meetings can be pretty dangerous. Let's say you're yawning or snoringback awake. There are lots of ways to bump your head when you nod off too, so meetings can be pretty dangerous. Let's say you're yawning or snoring
with your mouth wide open. Swallow a fly and God knows what kind of diseases that fly might be carrying. You could end up with Diaflucose of thewith your mouth wide open. Swallow a fly and God knows what kind of diseases that fly might be carrying. You could end up with Diaflucose of the
blowhole, and lose your life just because some monotone EFP anesthetized you with his voice. The key then, is NOT TO FALL ASLEEP.blowhole, and lose your life just because some monotone EFP anesthetized you with his voice. The key then, is NOT TO FALL ASLEEP.
There are ways to stay awake during boring meetings:There are ways to stay awake during boring meetings:
Drink lots of coffee, not just for the caffeine either. I've found that is virtually impossible to go to sleep when you really need to go to the bathroom.Drink lots of coffee, not just for the caffeine either. I've found that is virtually impossible to go to sleep when you really need to go to the bathroom.
Weather it's number one or number two doesn't matter either. The terror of s taining yourself will prevent you from becoming unconscious.The danger ofWeather it's number one or number two doesn't matter either. The terror of s taining yourself will prevent you from becoming unconscious.The danger of
any kind of seepage will do the trick. Remember to cover any fart sounds with a cough, but try not to cough hard enough to cause any unwantedany kind of seepage will do the trick. Remember to cover any fart sounds with a cough, but try not to cough hard enough to cause any unwanted
seepages or soilings.seepages or soilings.
Sneezing can cause seepage and soilings too, so always bring Kleenex to ward them off. Some people sneeze loud enough to sound like they're taking aSneezing can cause seepage and soilings too, so always bring Kleenex to ward them off. Some people sneeze loud enough to sound like they're taking a
Zulu spear to the heart. You can't afford a Zulu spearing sneeze while your intestines are ballooning with hot fudge.Zulu spear to the heart. You can't afford a Zulu spearing sneeze while your intestines are ballooning with hot fudge.
Practice yawning quietly. A loud yawn that sounds like a retarded person having an orgasm will attract unwanted attention. Heads will turn and strangersPractice yawning quietly. A loud yawn that sounds like a retarded person having an orgasm will attract unwanted attention. Heads will turn and strangers
will stare at you looking for the guy who sounds like "Corky" blowing his load. Cover your mouth or tse tse flies may find a way into your larynx and you'llwill stare at you looking for the guy who sounds like "Corky" blowing his load. Cover your mouth or tse tse flies may find a way into your larynx and you'll
end up with diphtheria of the bunghole.end up with diphtheria of the bunghole.
To stay awake try stepping on your own toes or biting yourself.To stay awake try stepping on your own toes or biting yourself.
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At the end of the dayAt the end of the day
Thinking outside the boxThinking outside the box Fundamental disconnect "Fundamental disconnect " "I don't want to reinvent the wheel""I don't want to reinvent the wheel" Raise the bar, and take it to the next levelRaise the bar, and take it to the next level "You have to pick your hill to die on""You have to pick your hill to die on" Value-added proposition"Value-added proposition" "Implement the process, and convey our initiatives"Implement the process, and convey our initiatives Core ValuesCore Values win-winwin-win infrastructureinfrastructure EmpoweredEmpowered DiversityDiversity intellectual capitalintellectual capital epinionepinion Leverage the online offeringLeverage the online offering vertical marketvertical market Its like herding catsIts like herding cats
Is this microphone ON? Raise your hand if you cant hear me.Is this microphone ON? Raise your hand if you cant hear me.
8/14/2019 Kenny Hogan's Powerpoint Show- From The AV Goon's Perspective
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I AM AFRAID OF THE REMOTE,I AM AFRAID OF THE REMOTE,
SO WILL NOW ASK THE AV GOON TO ADVANCESO WILL NOW ASK THE AV GOON TO ADVANCE
MY SLIDES FOR ME, WHILE I SPEAK BROKENMY SLIDES FOR ME, WHILE I SPEAK BROKENENGLISH WITH A HEAVY ACCENT FROM SOMEENGLISH WITH A HEAVY ACCENT FROM SOME
MISERABLE COUNTRYMISERABLE COUNTRY
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Corpuscle Veedie VeediesCorpuscle Veedie Veedies
As we can see by theAs we can see by therelationship of therelationship of thecorpuscles to the veediecorpuscles to the veedieveedie veedie veedieveedie veedie veedie
nest sidepiecenest sidepiece and the veedie veedieand the veedie veedie
veedie net spy peas,veedie net spy peas,
the corpusclesthe corpuscles
ness sigh pleats veedieness sigh pleats veedieveedieveedie
NEXT SLIDENEXT SLIDE
PLEASE!PLEASE!
0
10
20
30
40
50
60
70
80
90
1st
Qtr
3rd
Qtr
Veedie
VeddieVeedie
Corpuscles
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THE DAY OF YESTERDAY IS NOTHE DAY OF YESTERDAY IS NO
LONGERLONGER!!
THE FUTURE IS TOMORROW AND THETHE FUTURE IS TOMORROW AND THE
DAYS THAT COME AFTER THAT.DAYS THAT COME AFTER THAT.
WE MUST MOVE FORWARD INTO THEWE MUST MOVE FORWARD INTO THEFUTURE FROM TODAY, BECAUSE IT ISFUTURE FROM TODAY, BECAUSE IT IS
NOT POSSIBLE TO GO BACKWARDSNOT POSSIBLE TO GO BACKWARDS
INTO IT FROM THE OLD DAYS.INTO IT FROM THE OLD DAYS.
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Its our DIFFERENCES that make theIts our DIFFERENCES that make the
SAMENESS equal.SAMENESS equal.
Nobody is BETTER at anything than anyoneNobody is BETTER at anything than anyoneelse, especially Eskimos.else, especially Eskimos.
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Always remember the 3 Ps:Always remember the 3 Ps:
Preparation & PerformancePreparation & Performance
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2007 AMR Research, Inc. | Page 6
2005 AMR Research, Inc. | Page 6
The Uncertain Challenge of Uncertainty
The prevalence of surprise in the world of business is evidence
that uncertainty is more likely to prevail than mathematical
probability.
The evidence. . .reveals repeated patterns of irrationality,
inconsistency and incompetence in the ways human beings
arrive at decisions and choices when faced with uncertainty.
Peter L. Bernstein, Against the Gods The Remarkable Story of Risk
What the hell is this asshole talking about? - Kenny Hogan
Im Half asleep I have to go to the bathroom and Im hungry.
The prevalence of surprise in the world of business is evidence
that uncertainty is more likely to prevail than mathematical
probability.
The evidence. . .reveals repeated patterns of irrationality,
inconsistency and incompetence in the ways human beings
arrive at decisions and choices when faced with uncertainty.
Peter L. Bernstein, Against the Gods The Remarkable Story of Risk
What the hell is this asshole talking about? - Kenny Hogan
Im Half asleep I have to go to the bathroom and Im hungry.
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2005 AMR Research, Inc. | Page 15
Rub your chin. Nod your head. Squint a little.
Make believe youre writing something down.
Rub your chin. Nod your head. Squint a little.
Make believe youre writing something down.
IInternallyFocused
ExternallyFocused
Raise one eyebrow
III IV
Try not to fall asleep
Pretend you understand it.
Theyll think youre smart.Act interested.
Demand Driven Value Driven
Customer / Brand
Driven EfficiencyMarkets
Focused
I I
Local
ERP
Application
Instance
Consolidation
MDM
BS
VMIReplenishment
Demand
Data
Demand InsightsBased Innovation
Joint
ValueCreation
Value Metric
MeasurementStrategy
Supply Chain
Strategy
Value ChainStrategyIT Benefits
Realization
PLM
Forecasting
Accuracy
Perfect
Product
Launch
OutsourcedInfrastructure
Shared
Service Centers
IT Portfolio
Management
Enterprise
Compliance
Demand Signal
Repository
Risk
Management
Sustainability
Risk & Complexity
ManagementSupply Demand
Balancing
S&OP
Integrated Business
Planning Focused
S&OP
Open Innovation
Network
Demand Shaping
Quality
IT Architecture
Demand
Sensing
Product
Portfolio
Management
Outsourced
Back Office
Processes
Services Based
Architecture
Strategic
Sourcing
& Procurement
Independent MES
Decisions
Data
Warehousing
IT Standards
Design for
Supply& Service `
Strategic Project
Governance
Centers ofExcellence
BusinessProcess Architecture
Lean & Agile Value
Network
Design for
Manufacture
Outsourced
Applications
Outsourced
Knowledge
Management
Joint Venturesand Partnerships
JointExternal
Scorecards
Business
Leads IT
Business
Partners with IT
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Presentation Caring IndexPresentation Caring Index
0
10
20
30
40
50
60
70
80
90
100
1st Qtr 2nd Qtr 3rd Qtr 4th Qtr
Audience Interest
Boredom
BS Level
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The Main PointThe Main Point
The entire point of my presentation is theThe entire point of my presentation is thepoint I would like to make right now.point I would like to make right now.
I have made this point before, but it isI have made this point before, but it is
crucial that this be the Take Home, point ofcrucial that this be the Take Home, point ofthe day.the day.
If you forget everything else that is saidIf you forget everything else that is said
today, I want you to retain that one pointtoday, I want you to retain that one pointabove all other points.above all other points.
That is the reason I repeat it so often.That is the reason I repeat it so often.
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