Show Don’t TellNovelist Robert Newton Peck explains "show versus tell" in his Secrets of Successful Fiction:
Readers want a picture---something to see, not just a paragraph to read. A picture made out of words. That's what makes a pro out of an amateur. An amateur writer tells a story. A pro shows the story, creates a picture to look at instead of just words to read. A good author writes with a camera, not with a pen.
The amateur: "Bill was nervous."
The pro: "Bill sat in a dentist's waiting room, peeling the skin at the edge of his thumb, until the raw, red flesh began to show. Biting the torn cuticle, he ripped it away, and sucked at the warm sweetness of his own blood."
Brush Strokes
Writing with action verbs
Writing with adjectives out of order
Writing with participles
Writing with absolutes
Writing with appositives
Writing with Action Verbs
Strong verbs energize action images. Passive voice creates a still photograph, actually freezing the action. A strong action verb creates a motion picture, allowing the reader to visualize an entire action sequence and sharpening the visual images.
Example: Rockwell Lake echoed with the sounds of Canadian geese.
Writing with Adjectives Out of Order
Adjectives out of order
Example: The bull moose, red-eyed and angry,
charged the intruder.
Writing with
Participles
Participle:
Example: Hissing, slithering, and coiling, the snake attacked its prey.
“Shifting the weight of the line to his left shoulder and kneeling carefully, he washed his hand in the ocean and held it there, submerged, for more than a minute, watching the blood trail away and the steady movement of the water against his hand as the boat moved.”
-- Ernest Hemingway. The Old Man and the Sea
Writing with
AbsolutesAbsolute:
Example: The rock climber edged along the cliff face, hands clinging desperately to the ledge and feet searching for a solid home.
“The mummy’s right arm was outstretched, the torn wrappings hanging from it, as the being stepped out of its gilded box. The scream froze in her throat. The thing was coming towards her -- towards Henry, who stood with his back to it -- moving with a weak, shuffling gait, that arm outstretched before it, the dust rising from the rotting linen that covered it, a great
smell of dust and decay filling the room.”
-- Anne Rice, The Mummy
Writing with Appositives
Appositive:
Example: The raccoon, nature’s premier scavenger, gobbled the turtle eggs.
Writer’s Notebook Entry
• Select one of the following pictures. On loose-leaf, write a strong description of the picture, or create a short story inspired by it. Use at least two of the sentence structure techniques we learned today. Underline or highlight these techniques each time you use them. Write as much as you can; try to fill an entire page.
• - Participles - Adjectives out of order
• - Action Verbs - Appositives - Absolutes
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