Download - High-Performance Communication, August 2014

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Page 1: High-Performance Communication, August 2014

High-performancecommunication

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Ed BatistaAugust 4, 2014

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Photo:

Seth

Anders

on

Who am I?

Executive coachInstructor @ Stanford GSBwww.edbatista.comHBR Guide to Coaching Your Employees

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Discussion #1Today’s headlineThe simplest feedback modelFeelingsThe net

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The headlineFeedback = essential for learningBut also stressfulSo create safetyBy criticizing with skill& expressing more appreciation

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The simplestWhen you do [X], I feel [Y].

feedback model

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The simplestWhen you do [X], I feel [Y].

feedback model

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FeelingsDisclosing feelings = vulnerableBut feelings influenceAnd vulnerability closenessComfort with discomfort

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The netDavid BradfordHow to improve communication?

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The netMe You

Yourrespons

e

Mybehavi

orMyintention

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The netStay on our side of the netFocus on observed behaviorDisclose our responseWhen you do [X], I feel [Y].

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Discussion #25 levelsHierarchy of needsSafety, trust, intimacySocial threatSCARF model

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5 levels

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Richard FranciscoIn what ways do we communicate?Increasing levels of difficulty, risk & learning

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5 levels1: Ritual2: Extended Ritual3: Content4: Feelings About Content

5: Feelings About Each Other

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5 levels

5: Feelings About Each Other

HardestRiskiest

Most powerful for feedback

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Hierarchy of needs

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Abraham MaslowWhat motivates us as human beings?

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Hierarchy of needs

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Physiological

Safety

Love & belonging

Esteem

Self-actualization

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Hierarchy of needs

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Parallels in groups & relationships

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Hierarchy of needs

Photo by Wilhelm Joys Anderson [link]

Psychological safety, trust & intimacy

Experiments, risk-taking & vulnerability

Learning, self-awareness & change

In groups & relationships…

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Safety, trust,intimacySafety = I won’t get hurtTrust = I believe you & you believe meIntimacy = We can make the private public

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Safety, trust,intimacyFeedback can create these qualitiesBut there’s a problem…

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Can I give you

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some feedback?

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Feedback and

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social threat

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Threat responseaka “Fight, flight or freeze”

Physiological

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Threat responseaka “Fight, flight or freeze”

Emotional

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Threat responseaka “Fight, flight or freeze”

CognitiveDecision-makingProblem-solvingCollaboration

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Social threat(Some) social situations ≈ Physical threatsMany times/dayMost common location?

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Social threatPhysiological/emotional response plus…Cognitive impairmentDecision-makingProblem-solvingCollaboration

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Social threatResult?Massive communication failureWe give feedback ineffectivelyWe receive it poorly

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SCARF model

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David RockWhat social situationstrigger a threatresponse?

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SCARF modelDavid RockWhat social situations trigger a threat response?How can we minimize the risk of social threat?How can we create safety?

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SCARF modelStatusCertaintyAutonomyRelatednessFairness

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Use the modelWhen giving feedback…Be mindful of statusMinimize uncertaintyMaximize autonomyBuild the relationship*Play fair*

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Use the modelWhen getting feedback…Cultivate in-the-moment awarenessRecognize our threat responseManage our emotionsSlow things down

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Discussion #3RelationshipsThe net (again)MindsetSoft start

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Relationships

John GottmanWhat characterizes successful relationships?

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RelationshipsFeeling known by the otherA culture of appreciationResponding to “bids”Mutual influence

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The net

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(again)

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The netHow to improve communication?How to minimize defensiveness?How can we play fair?

Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]

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The netMe You

Yourrespons

e

Mybehavi

orMyintention

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What I knowMe

Myintention

Mybehavi

or

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What I don’tYou

Yourrespons

e

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What you know

You

Yourrespons

e

Mybehavi

or

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What you don’tMe

Myintention

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Use the modelStay on our side of the netFocus on observed behaviorDisclose our responseWhen you do [X], I feel [Y].

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Use the modelIntent ≠ impactMy intention doesn’t guarantee your responseImpact ≠ intentYour response wasn’t necessarily my intention

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Use the modelResult?Lower risk of social threatLess chance of defensivenessIncreased sense of fairness

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Carol DweckHow do we feel about our abilities?How do we feel about our mistakes?

Mindset

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Talent & intelligence are inherent traits

Mistakes are failures or character flaws

Negative emotional response to mistakes

Talent & intelligence can be developed

Mistakes are learning opportunities

Pay close attention to mistakes & learn more

Fixed Growth

Mindset

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Soft start

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Not like this

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Soft start

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Like this

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Soft startBegin with positive intent(But don’t bullshit)Emphasize mutual goalsBe mindful of your stress

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To sum upBuild safety, trust & intimacyUse the modelsMinimize social threatLess stressful feedbackMore learning

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Challengeyourself

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Thank you!