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CAPTION CONTEST
Send your best caption to:[email protected] and type “Caption Contest” in the subject line. The winning caption will be published with the winner’s name, age, city and state two editions later.
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EEK! by SCOTT NICKEL
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*Strangely enough, Thomas Jefferson and John Adams, Founding Fathers and authors of the Declaration of Independence, died on July 4th, 1826. *The 4th of July wasn’t officially recognized as a holiday until 1870, when Congress finally passed a bill on federal holidays. *Calvin Coolidge, the 30th U.S. President, died on July 4, 1872.
SUDOKU by MIA VONNEFill in the blank squares so that each row, each column and each 3-by-3 block contain all of the digits 1 thru 9 using logic.
Last Issue’s Solution:
HARA KIWI by LECTRRPOP CULTURE SHOCK THERAPY byIMAGINE THAT by BRIAN MARTINW
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THE DOOZIES by TOM GAMMILL
FRANK AND STEINWAY by WIL PANGANIBAN
BALLOON & DAISY by BOB RICH
AGAINST THE GRAIN by RON THERIEN
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*More hot dogs are consumed in the United States on the 4th of July, than any other day of the year.
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WORD FINDBY MIA VONNE GREEN THINGS
CRANKY GIRL by CRYSTAL JONES
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©2014 Mia Vonne / dist. by InkBottleSyndicate.com
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FUTURE SHOCK by JIM & PAT McGREAL
THAT MONKEY TUNE by MICHAEL KANDALAFT
DINGERS by CAMPBELL & SCHOTSCH
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©2014 Campbell & Schotsch / Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC
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DOGS OF C-KENNEL by MICK & MASON MASTROIANNI
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THE OTHER COAST by ADRIAN RAESIDE
SUNSHINE STATE by GRAHAM NOLAN
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PICKLES by BRIAN CRANE
RALF THE DESTROYER by SCOTT LINCOLN
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THISSPACELEFT
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OPEN MOUTH, INSERT FOOT... Brought to you by:
Jim Lein writes about adventure, life, music, and parenthood and has learned that most good stories don’t begin with, “and then I decided to keep my mouth shut.” His home in the Colorado Rockies serves both as an office and as a base camp for a variety of outdoor and musical activities. He has been published in numerous trade journals, business publications, and lifestyle magazines and is a regular contributor to Funnies Extra!.
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too much—like lawyers are sleazy and bankers don’t work long hours. With age—and a career change—I gained self awareness and crafted a few workarounds because it seems diarrhea of the mouth is an incur-able condition. You can only learn to manage the symptoms. I’ve also learned there is no happy medium. If I go to a party and resolve to be the quiet listener, everyone things I’m sick or my dog just died. I’m actually a trained listener and am capable of normal two way interac-tion for brief periods of time. My workaround for social gatherings is to move from group to group and actively engage in the conver-sation. About 5 minutes in, a little bell goes, ‘ding’, in my brain and I know it’s time to move to the next group. I never linger in one place long enough to be found out.
Typically, my loquacity is harm-less albeit sometimes a bit annoy-ing. However, on occasion I watch in horror as my lips start moving. Oh no…what are they going to say? Mercifully, our brains were de-signed to blot out all the most pain-ful experiences. Thus, nearly all of my most embarrassing moments have been erased from memory
OPEN MOUTH, INSERT FOOTby Jim Lien
Someone once said, “I only open my mouth to change feet.” It’s be-
come my life mantra. If I see a guy with one arm I ask him what hap-pened. Most of the time they’re ea-ger to tell you…occasionally not so much. Both reactions usually make good stories.
When I was a kid, I was the guy who sat in the back of the class-room and blurted out smart alec re-marks. I thought myself to be witty and charming while the teachers secretly plotted my demise in the break room. There was an ongoing discussion over baloney sandwiches and reheated tuna casserole as to whether a farming accident could be arranged. After all every small town in Minnesota had a kid or two that had lost an arm or a leg to a grain auger or a Power Take Off.
Limited control of my vocal erup-tions carried into my professional career which was OK because most of it has been spent as a salesman. People expect that sales guys will talk
along with other dreadful recollec-tions such as using the outhouse in the winter when I was a Minnesota farm kid. There is a of course the occasional relapse.
Years ago, I was lapping Chair 1 at my local ski resort with my friend JR. On each ride up, we noticed an older gentleman flying down the bump run under the lift, silver gray hair glinting in the spring sun. He was skiing with a couple of younger guys and matching our pace run for run. “Rip it up, old timer!” I yelled, as he skied below us on our last ride up. He waved in acknowledgement without missing a turn. Après ski in the bar, JR and I were enjoying a brew and reliving the days exploits. The silver haired gent wandered in—recognized us and nodded a greeting.
I raised my beer in a salute. “The way you ski, you give guys like us hope for the future.”
“Thanks,” he said with a smile.
I should have stopped right there but my lips kept moving.
“There are a lot of older skiers here that can still make some good
turns,” I blundered forward. “But you’re still shredding the bumps and the steeps.”
A slight furrow creased his brow. Warning, warning, Will Robinson. “Well, I’m not as old as I look. It’s the hair. I turn 45 next month.”
That made him 6 months younger than me. Check please.
As a story teller, proud of my craft, I’m pretty sure that none of my best tales begin with, “I decided to keep my mouth shut.” I know many peo-ple that have been everywhere, done everything. Hiked the Inca Trail to Machu Piccu. Swam with dolphins in Thailand. Taught farming in Tan-zania. But many keep their stories locked up inside because they don’t know how to tell them. I may talk too much but I also succeed in pull-ing many of those stories out of my tight-lipped friends for everyone to enjoy.
My columns aren’t always about a ‘stick my foot in my mouth’ mo-ment. But most are the product of being both a good talker and a good listener. Time to move on. My socks taste like they need changing.
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HOXWINDER HALL by DANIEL BORIS
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15 MINUTES by ROBERT DUCKETT
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BIZ by DAVE BLAZEK
*If you keep going north, you will eventually have to go south. However, if you keep going east, you will never go west. *A mosquito has 47 teeth. *Bananas are slightly radioactive.
They would have to run it by legal, but Binkman’snew revenue idea was looking like pure genius.
THIN LINES by Randy Glasbergen CRIME-QUIZ by WERNER WEJP-OLSEN
©2014 Werner Wejp-Olsen / Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC
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©20
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Tastes Like ChickenBY JOSH ALVES
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AMAZING MAZES by Sheila Anderson
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LAST MONTH’SANSWERS
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Funnies Extra! will shine the Spotlight on ‘toons from aspiring cartoonists and pay them too! Comic strips and panels will be published from cartoonists of any age along with a pic and short bio.
Send each strip as a PDF file, 300 dpi, CMYK, along with your name, age, address and phone number. Send 10 color submissions to: [email protected] and type “Spotlight” in the subject line. Good luck!
FORTUNE STREET by RANDY McILWAINE
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Cartoonist Sp tlight
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David Tomaselli & Jose Villena met in high school and have been working together ever since. Both reside in Spain.About Onion & PeaLeo was a normal boy with a normal life until two short and chubby costumed vegetable superheroes showed up: Onion and Pea! Now nothing will ever be nor-mal again. These permanent companions make every day a weird adventure; from social catastrophes at school to mysterious expeditions and quests, to the endless peculiarities of a lively enlarged family. Take a big bite of Onion & Pea; it’s not what you’d expect, and it’s delicious. www.onionandpea.com
ONION & PEA by TOMASELLI & VILLENA
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THE DEEP END by TYSON COLE
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SPEED BUMP by DAVE COVERLY
CROSSWORD by MIA VONNE
ACROSS1 Common girl’s name6 Water (Sp.)10 Buddy13 American state15 Draped16 Gone by17 Computer storage18 Stake19 Not against20 Idyll22 Wednesday24 Competition at the Greek games26 Fencing sword28 Domain29 Noodle30 Valley31 Rendezvous32 Fortify33 Coke34 Have35 Soya37 Long letter41 Extension (abbr.)42 Natural fiber43 Movie 2001’s talking computer44 Not yesterday47 Curl48 Ride the waves49 Overt50 Grassy area51 Lay in the sun52 Noxious vapors54 Vile56 Villain57 Hurt59 Prisoner63 Dined64 Voucher for a small debt65 Admirer66 Decade67 Bunsen burner68 Fleer
DOWN1 Mayan2 Brew3 Ewe’s mate4 Crustacean5 City in Ohio6 Expression of surprise7 Sharp-shooters
8 Take off shoes9 Elderly10 Thin11 In concordance12 Peer (2 wds.)14 Sailor’s yes21 Very large fruit23 Alerts24 Air (prefix)25 Musky27 Church bench29 Owns30 Annoying insect31 Stick candy bar brand33 Hot looking34 Opaque gem36 Legumes37 Suppress38 Because of this39 Revelry40 Sprite42 Pro44 Male cat45 Narcotic46 Muffle47 Redeem (2 wds.)48 Fish type50 Boat51 Ties53 Spray weapon55 By way of58 Estimated time of arrival60 To be61 Ball holder62 Goof
Answers to Last Edition’s Crossword:
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