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Page 1: Domestic Violence AKA: Relationship Abuse Interpersonal Abuse Intimate Partner Violence Family Violence.

Domestic Violence

AKA: Relationship AbuseInterpersonal Abuse

Intimate Partner ViolenceFamily Violence

Page 2: Domestic Violence AKA: Relationship Abuse Interpersonal Abuse Intimate Partner Violence Family Violence.
Page 3: Domestic Violence AKA: Relationship Abuse Interpersonal Abuse Intimate Partner Violence Family Violence.

What is it?

Domestic – refers to relationship Blood, Marriage, Residence, Intimate PartnersViolence – refers to harm Physical, sexual, emotional

“Any attempt to impose my will on another human being is an act of violence”

- Mahatma Ghandi

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Listen to The Voices

Video: When Love Hurtsand/or

Video: Battered Hearts And/or

Dramatic Readingwww.theraveproject.com

www.restoredrelationships.org

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Power & Control

Domestic Violence is NOT (Myths we believe)• An anger management issue• A small problem that only affects a few people• Caused by substance abuse• Happening somewhere else, not in my churchDomestic Violence IS • Hidden, happening here, even in my church • ALL ABOUT POWER & CONTROL

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A Definition

Domestic Violence:

A pattern of behaviors used to establish control over another person through coercion, fear, intimidation, emotional abuse, social isolation, or other methods, which often (not always) includes the use of, or the threat of, physical or sexual violence

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A hierarchical relationship in which one person seeks to dominate and impose his/her will on another; using various means to maintain control.

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A mutual relationship expressing value, dignity and respect toward one another. Though not lived out perfectly, equality is the shared goal.

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What About the Children?Behavior, Social and Emotional Problems– Aggressive/ antisocial– Depressed/anxious

Cognitive and Developmental Problems– Lower assessments (verbal, motor, etc…)– Limited problem solving

Long Term Impacts – As Adults– Higher DV involvement as adults– PTSD/risk factors/premature death

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The Way of our Lord

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves… In your relationships with one another, have the same attitude of mind Christ Jesus had: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing … he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross! - Philippians 2: 3- 11

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Two Kinds of Power

The kingdoms of this world place their trust in whatever coercive power they can use over others … The “power of the sword”By CONTRAST, the Kingdom of God refuses to use coercive power over others, choosing instead to rely on a power shown in humble, self-sacrificing love … The “power of the cross”

Transforming, Ultimate Power = The Cross

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Why do Churches Care?

• We are a light to the world–We are not representing Christ well when

abuse exists in our communities–Our marriages are a reflection of Christ and the

Church

• We are one body–When one part hurts it hurts the whole body–We are called to love and to care for one

another

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Signs – Take Notice

• Unexplained bruises or injuries• Absences from work or school• Low self-esteem – lack of confidence• Trouble identifying feelings and expressing

needs• Fear of conflict – gives in easily• Self Blame• Making excuses

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How Can Churches Help?Be a Safe Place, a sanctuary from abuse– Understand Abuse Dynamics– Speak Out! It’s OK to talk about it here

Listen, Listen, Listen!– Two ears; one mouth– You don’t need all the answers

Point to resources– Provide “walk-alongside” support– Be available over time

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Top 10 Checklist for Churches• Do you offer a listening ear?• Is there abuse information in the restroom?• Do you partner with the local shelter?• Is abuse discussed in youth group?• Do you make appropriate referrals?• Is abuse discussed in pre-marital counseling?• Do you realize the importance of spiritual resources?• Do you offer ministry opportunities for those who

have received care to give back?• Do you hold those who abuse accountable?

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Resources for Churches

Restored – Packet for Churches: www.restoredrelationships.org

RAVE – Religion and Violence E-learning: www.theraveproject.com

Faith Trust Institute: www.faithtrustinstitute.org

Safe Church Ministry: www.crcna.org/safechurch – SCM: A Church Leader’s Role– Wheels; Survivor Stories; Etc…

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DV Continuum of Care  1            2            3 4            5            6 7            8            9            10

Level of Danger Guarded – General Risk Elevated – Significant Risk Extreme – Severe Risk

   Symptoms

Occasional incidents of belittling, name calling, and truth twisting. May believe partner is caring but feels like “walking on eggshells”.

Frequent incidents involving yelling, screaming, hitting, stalking, making threats. There is isolation from friends and family and fear of partner.

Frequent incidents of being beaten physically and verbally, threats with a knife, gun or some other weapon, strangulation, or destroying property. Fear of death from partner.

Level of Care Minimum Moderate Maximum

  Goal of Care

Offer the one victimized education and counseling resources so that she or he can learn about DV and be proactive in thinking about safety

Safety is a priority. Education about DV and counseling resources are needed, as well as a safety plan so the one victimized is empowered, knowing how to get to safety.

Safety is the top priority. This is a dangerous situation. Offer resources to help the one victimized get to a safe place like a shelter. Help from police is recommended to gather belongings.

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What can WE do?

From what we’ve heard today:

• What would we like to see in our churches?

• What are possible next steps for action?

• What are we willing to do?

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Questions?

Thank YOU!