Download - Discover your Northstar

No one ever intends for it to happen . . .

Abraham—

When a person’s purpose is clear, he can withstand almost anything. When it has been eroded by discouragement and creeping doubt, he is easily tossed by the every wind.

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Renewing Your Purpose

Some of us . . .

. . . walk into this seminar with a clear, strong sense of purpose.

. . . have had our purpose clouded in the past few years.

And some of us . . .

. . . have never had a clear purpose in our lives.

The Life Cycle of a Dream:Birth, Death, and Rebirth

Our Goals for This Seminar— To sharpen or renew your sense of vision and purpose, God’s call in your life,

— To identify your strengths so you can maximize them,

— To identify hurdles so you can avoid or overcome them, and

— To chart a clear course for the future.

Solomon Had It All . . .In Ecclesiastes, Solomon lists all the things he used to try to fill up his life:

— Education

— Pleasure and amusement

— Fine foods

— Achievements and fame

— Accumulated wealth

— Women

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Solomon Had It All . . .His conclusion?

— All this is meaningless.

— Horizontal living results in hopelessness.

— When our dreams are horizontal instead of vertical, we are at cross purposes with God.

Symptoms of Death by Inches

— We almost always take the safe way and are unwilling to take risks.— We go to work to pay the bills and live for vacations.— We think of work when we’re home and think of home when we’re at work.— Nothing excites us.— Most of life is just going through the motions with no purpose.— Our thoughts are consumed with trivial “have to’s.”— We avoid decisions.

— We blame others for our misfortunes.— We daydream about retirement (even though it’s many years away).— We gripe about the specifics of our ill health far too much.— We live in and through our children, and we have no life of our own.— We can’t sleep, or we sleep too much.— We eat the same things at the same places with the same people, and talk about the same things day after day, week after week, month after month.

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— We are almost always grouchy.— We withdraw in discouragement or explode in rage . . . or both.— We get involved in really dumb behavior that hurts us and others, and we won’t or can’t change.—We talk a lot about what “we used to do.”— There’s nothing we really enjoy or that brings us pleasure.— Promotions, moves, deaths, betrayals, and health all seem to be out of our control.

We Say Things Like:— “I’m never able to do what I want to do.”— “I feel smothered by her.”— “I feel so tied down. I wish I could be free.”— “How did I get so much responsibility and so little help and time?”— “Nothing is ever going to change.”— “My life is out of control, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”— “I feel hopeless. I don’t even know how to take the first step.”

— “I’m doing all I know to do, but it isn’t enough. I’m falling farther behind every day.”— “I wish I could go back and make different decisions. There’s nothing I can do about them now.”— “I need to find out who I really am.”

Causes of a Dead-end Life

— a strained marriage which consumes our mental and emotional energies— career disappointments, a belligerent boss, and unrealistic expectations at work

— children who are out of control— severe or chronic health problems in the immediate family— severe financial problems

Here are some of the most common—and the mostdevastating—causes of death by inches:

— dealing with a family member who has severe emotional or psychological problems, such as alcoholism— the corrosive effects of bitterness— unconfessed sin— an immoral lifestyle— the shame of past, unresolved failures

— constant opposition— unrelieved oppression— disappointment with God

We Try to Cope. We Try to Hide.

— a volcano, simmering quietly until pressure builds and it explodes— a zombie, emotionless and apathetic, giving up on love and meaning— a wallflower, afraid of being hurt again, unwilling to take risks— a critic, finding fault in anything and everything

As the frustration and disappoint-ment build over time, the stresscomes out in any of several ways:

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— a Pollyanna, always pleasant, always shallow— a clown, covering the emptiness and pain with a few laughs— a fixer, unable to solve his own problems, so he focuses on others’ problems— a marionette, dancing any time someone pulls its string

Looking for a Star

— Your greatest disappointments are often God’s greatest divine appointments.— A troubled faith is better than no faith at all.— Trouble handled well honors God.— What others mean for evil, God means for good.— Always focus on what you still have left instead of what you’ve lost.

Remember these principles:

— What may be a shock to you is never a surprise to God.— The deeper the valley you walk though, the higher the mountain you’ll climb.— God’s silence doesn’t mean he’s not there.— Wherever God guides, He provides.

Captain’s Log

We can’t chart a new course until we know where we are. Change requires objectivity. Embracing reality requires courage.

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Chart and Sextant

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Discussion

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EMBRACE RISKAS A WAY OF LIFE

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

BE HONEST ABOUTYOUR EMOTIONS

NEVER STOP LEARNING

VALUE MEANINGFULRELATIONSHIPS

DEVELOP SPIRITUAL STRENGTH

SEE LIFE ASAN ADVENTURE

Introduction

David . . . In the face of incredible obstacles,David used his God-given abilities tofulfill God’s call in his life.

“He chose David his servantand took him from the sheep pens;

from tending the sheep he brought himto be the shepherd of his people Jacob,of Israel His inheritance.

And David shepherded them with integrity of heart;with skillful hands he led them.”

(Psalm 78:70-72) Workbook Page 11

Keys of Leadership from the Life of David:— Hear a clear call from God.

— Have a shepherd’s commitment.

— Have a heart of integrity.

— Have skillful hands in leading others.

The North Star Principles call us to:

— An intimate walk with God.

— A commitment to excellence.

— Endurance.

#1 Embrace Risk as a Way of Life

Some of us . . .

. . . refuse to take risks.

Some of us . . .

. . . take far too much risk.

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Risk-averse people need to:— realize that life involves risk. Relationships, ventures, decisions..... — if we avoid risk, we avoid the joys and excitement of life.— risk doesn’t have to be foolhardy. Don’t look at the opposite extreme and think that’s what you need to become. — be wise, but take real steps.

Risk-takers need to:— think. And pray and talk and listen and think some more. — take controlled risks.

— communicate well with those around him. Bring them up to speed. Take as long as they need. Patiently answer questions.— watch your timing. Don’t be impulsive. Watch for God’s hand at work.— learn from your mistakes.

#2 Take ResponsibilityA Responsible Person:

— responds instead of reacts.

— keeps commitments and is trustworthy.

— is loyal.

— knows when to be bold and when to be cautious.

— accepts praise with humility and criticism with grace.

Some of us are “blame sponges.”

Some of us are “blame throwers.”

People who have been deeply hurt often have a “victim mentality.” They:

— demand justice

— demand compensation.

— demand guarantees that it won’t happen again.

— can say “I was wrong” when they make mistakes or when they sin.

—can say “Thank you” when they are complimented.

— can live in the present and dream about the future instead of being dragged down by the past.

People who take responsibility:

#3 Be Honest About Your EmotionsHow we deal with our emotions says a lot about our integrity.

David prayed, “Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.”(Psalm 51:6)

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When we are honest about our emotions:— we have a window on what is going on in our lives: our disappointments, our joys, our motivations,

— we allow God to shine His light on the deepest parts of our hearts, and—we are authentic people.

We often wear masks . . . — We wear the mask of a hero, but we are afraid to fail.

— We wear the mask of a comedian to hide our hurt and to divert attention from harsh realities.— We wear the mask of someone completely in control, because we are terrified of being out of control.

— We wear the mask of a nice, accommodating person, because we want to avoid conflict at all costs.

— We wear the mask of a person who never fails, because we only feel safe if everything goes perfectly.

— We wear the mask of a caring person, because we hope that will win appreciation from those we help.

— We wear the mask of an incompetent slob, because nobody expects much from somebody like that.

— We wear the mask of a rebel, because it makes people admire us from a distance.

— We wear the mask of rage, because we want people to be controlled by our anger.

— We wear the mask of a shy, withdrawn person, because most people won’t hurt somebody who is so fragile.

Captain’s Log

— An intimate walk with God.

— A commitment to excellence.

— Endurance.

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Chart and Sextant

Discussion

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TAKE RESPONSIBILITY


NEVER STOP LEARNING




#4 Never Stop Learning“Real power is in the hands of thelearning, not the learned.”

—Ira Blumenthal

There are two kinds of people:dead and alive.

— are always growing and learning.

People who are alive:

— are committed to excellence.

— are interesting.

— have a sense of purpose.

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— have a plan for continuing education.

People who are alive:

• schedule an hour or two a week to read a book• take a class at a local college • learn a language• take up a new hobby, ask someone to teach you a new skill• become an expert on an interesting topic• become a student of the history of your community or region• take up a new sport• subscribe to a tape club; listen to them and implement the principles

#5 Value Meaningful Relationships

Even the most goal-oriented of us need rich, meaningful relationships. The apostle Paul . . .

David and His Men—II Samuel 5:1-5

. . . was incredibly committed to his Lord and his cause, yet he developed such deep, caring relationships that the Ephesian elders wept when he told them he would never see them again.

Nothing—riches, successes, position, etc.—can take the place of love in our lives.

— identity. The apostle John described himself as “the disciple whom Jesus loved.”

Love gives us:

— hope and meaning.

— stability during times of failure and disappointment.

— I’m too busy.Excuses for not loving:

— The demands of my job.

— I’ve tried. He/she won’t respond.

— People are too needy. I’m not able to help them.

— I’m too hurt from the past to take the risk of being hurt again.

#6 Develop Spiritual Strength

The mystery and mechanics of spiritual life. . .

God will do what only God can do when we are willing to do what we can do.

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Spiritual strength comes from:— an accurate view of the goodness of God in light of the pain and disappointments.— an accurate view of the greatness of God in light of unanswered prayer.— an accurate view of our need for God in light of our sinfulness and our inability to change things.— an accurate view of the sovereignty of God in light of God’s purposes and timing being so different from what we want and expect (Isaiah 55:8-9).— consistently experiencing His love, wisdom, and power.

#7 See Life as an Adventure!David and Goliath . . .

Adventures always involve risk and potential gain.

Adventures always have significant obstacles and setbacks to overcome.

Adventures always become great stories.

Adventures are the milestones of our lives.

Captain’s Log

Are you operating in your strengths?

Are you feasting on the love and strength of Christ?

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Chart and Sextant

Discussion

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TAKE RESPONSIBILITY


NEVER STOP LEARNING




Personality and Risk

We compare ourselves to others fartoo much. We see someone who is“successful,” and we try to do whathe does, say what he says, and gowhere he goes. Sometimes it works;often it doesn’t. We need to find our own North Star, not someone else’s. God charts our course, and he has given each of us a certain personality to equip us on that journey.

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North Star Personality ProfileA Self-Scoring Profile

In each statement, which response BEST describes your actual, typical response?

If any one of the columns contains 12 or more responses, you have a clear personality type. If any two of them together contain 15 or more but neither is over 10 by itself, you have a strong blend of two personality types.

Evaluation

Go back to your answer sheet and examine your responses carefully. Put a check next to 5 or 6 that stand out to you as being most indicative ofyour personality. Based on thisprofile, write a description of yourpersonality:

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Are goals or people more motivating to you? Explain:

Is your communication predominantly direct (forthright) or indirect (you’d rather let your actions do the talking)? Explain:

How do you respond to challenges? (Do they inspire you or threaten you?)

How do you relate to peers?

How do you relate to authority?

How do you relate to those who report to you?

You prefer a work environment that is:

You prefer relationships that are:

Four Personality TypesFor millennia, four distinct personality types have been recognized. The ancient Greeks assumed these came from the different body fluids. Later, more sophisticated psychological frameworks were used to identify the blends of task-oriented or people-oriented motivations, and direct or indirect communication styles. For the North Star Personality Profile, we are using a nautical metaphor of ships to identify these types of people.

When Your Role, Your Dream, and Your Personality Line Up . . .

And When They Collide . . .

Accurate Analysis Is Only Part of the Solution . . .

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Sending Signals

Opposites Attract, Then. . .

— We see The Missouri’s protective power as just bullying and strong-arm tactics.

— We see The Paradise Star’s enthusiasm and flexibility as shallowness.

— We see The Intrepid’s sensitivity as weakness.

— We see The Calypso’s systematic approach as emotionless rigidity.

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Make a list of the people you relate to most often or most intensely (family, staff, committees, etc.). Identify each person’s personality type.

What strengths do you appreciate?

What weaknesses do you see in that person?

What do you need to focus on to improve the relationship?

Background and Personalities

How has your background provided a platform for your personality to shine . . . or clouded the expression of your personality?

If your personality has been significantly clouded, who is the real you?

What do you need to do to resolve wounds of the past to allow you to find hope and fulfillment in the present and the future?

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Captain’s Log

Are you on target with your personality and career track? We don’t need a perfect fit to be happy, but we need a role that fits us well enough to allow us to operate in our strengths a large part of the time. Take a look at your work schedule every day. How well does it match your personality profile?

Chart and Sextant

Discussion

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Off the Atlantic Coast . . . God’s presence and power are the GulfStream of the human spirit. There, life is farmore abundant, more rich and real. Afisherman can do exactly the same thingsin the green water as he does in the blue,but the results won’t be the same. You and I can do the same things apart from God’s presence and power, but it just won’t be the same. The spiritual dimension makes a tremendous difference in every single facet of our lives. We need to do whatever it takes to find the Gulf Stream of God’s Spirit and stay in that warm, abundant current so our lives will be richer and more rewarding.

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Jesus and the Fishermen—Luke 5:1-11To see Jesus do a miracle in our lives,we need to:

— get a word from God.

— get alone with God.

— move into the presence of God.

— act in obedience to God beyond the point of our understanding.

— take action even when we don’t feel like it.

In summary . . .You can’t receive all God has for you until you are willing to let go of what you have.

The only thing that limited the size of the catch was the size of their net.

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Dreams and Visions

The Role of Failure

We usually trust God as a last resort. We try everything else first. But God loves us so much that He will do anything to draw us into an intimate, trusting relationship with him. For most of us, failure is the factor that God has to use to get our attention.

Failure isn’t the problem—it’s how we interpret it.

Origins of Our Interpretations . . .

We all internalize messages we receive from our parents and siblings. These messages might be very positive, such as:— I love you!

— You are terrific!

— I believe in you!

— You have great strengths!

— Failure is no big deal. Keep going. You’ll get where you need to go.

But sometimes the messages might be negative or conditional:

— I can’t believe you are so dumb!

— You can’t do anything right.

— You’d better shape up . . . our else!

— You don’t deserve my time.

— You’d better not mess up again!

— You let me down. I can’t depend on you.

— I love you if. . . .

Personality and FailureEach personality type deals with failure in its own unique way:

— The Missouri accepts failure as a part of the matrix of risk-taking.

— The Intrepid tries to avoid failure by careful planning.

— The Paradise Star is concerned about how other people will view his or her failure.

— The Calypso avoids failure by diligence, preparation, and attention to detail.

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Reactions and ResponsesIf we interpret failure as a colossal statement about our identity, we will react (or overreact) to it in any of several ways, including:

— Denial: “What failure? It didn’t happen.”

— Make excuses: “Hey, I couldn’t help it. Give me a break.”

— Minimize: “Oh, that’s no big deal. Who cares?”

— Blame others: “It wouldn’t have happened if Sarah hadn’t messed up. It’s her fault.”— Withdrawal: We avoid interaction with those who know or who might bring up our failures.

— Driven: Instead of wilting and withdrawing when we fail, some of us feel compelled to prove ourselves.

— Learned helplessness: Some of us have internalized the message, “You’re incompetent! You can’t do anything!” And we’ve quit trying.

— Pervasive anxiety: Those who live with the internalized messages of not being loved and not feeling competent almost always experience free floating anxiety and anger.

— Hurt people hurt people: Those who are victims of failed relationships become the victimizers of others.

— Spiritualize: Instead of embracing the reality of failure and learning from it, we hide behind a superficial spirituality and say, “It doesn’t matter. In Christ, it doesn’t really hurt at all.”

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We can learn to respond to failures more constructively. Here’s how we can “fail forward:”

— Accept responsibility

Don’t deny, and don’t blame others for yourmistakes. Learn to say those three littlewords: “I was wrong.”

— Look to God

God’s love never fails, and He is a forgiving God. We can learn wonderful lessons if we put ourselves in His gracious hands.

— Replace your tapes

When those old tapes start turning in your mind, stop the machine!

— Learn your lessons

Failure is an unwelcome guest, but it can be our greatest teacher.

— Try again

If we have a proper view of failure, we won’t be devastated by it.

Captain’s Log

God is more concerned with our faith than He is with our success. He takes us through all kinds of circumstances—good and bad—to enable us/let us/force us to look to Him and trust in His kindness and power. The issue is not “Will we fail?” The more significant questions are: “How will we interpret failure?” and “What will we do now?”

Chart and Sextant

Discussion

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We need handles. We need to see clear, workable steps so we can make good decisions and make real progress. All the good principles in the world won’t help unless and until we know how to apply them.

The Process of Change

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Stage 1 — Awareness

(a) things aren’t all that good

(b) things could be a lot better

Awareness

Stage 2 — First Steps

“Man, this is it! I finally have directionfor my life!”

Awareness

First Steps

Stage 3 — Regroup

This is the time for honest reflection about the risks and rewards of going in a new direction and finding new meaning in life.

Awareness

First Steps

Regroup

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Stage 4 — Identify Obstacles

We can choose some changes, but some areout of our control.

Awareness

First Steps

Regroup

Identify Obstacles

12 Hurdles1. The Law of Inertia

An object at rest tends to stay at rest.

2. The Comfort Zone

Some of us look at the changes that need to be made . . . then we look at the way things have been . . . and we conclude that it is much more comfortable to stay right where we are!

12 Hurdles3. The Fear of Failing

The reluctance stems from the dread oftrying and failing.

4. Satisfaction

Some of us are simply happy with our lives and have no compelling motivation to change.

12 Hurdles5. Misperception of Benefits and Liabilities

If we aren’t convinced that the benefits of the change outweigh the liabilities, we will fight change as long as we can.

12 Hurdles6. A Lack of Effort

Change requires action.

7. Refusing to Look at New Solutions

Too often, our creative thinking process is much too narrow.

12 Hurdles8. Negativity

Change necessarily means loss, so they resist any and all disruption in the way things are.

9. A Lack of Vision

If we have a clear vision of where we want to go, we can take charge of our lives and make those decisions based on the consuming passion of our lives, not the whims of others.

12 Hurdles10. A Lack of Confidence.

Even those who seem the most confident on the outside may have deep, hidden fears that they might not be up to the task this time.

12 Hurdles11. Clinging to Tradition.

There’s nothing in the world wrong with reinforcing fond memories—unless these traditions get in the way of necessary changes.

12. A Lack of Support.

We need the kindness and support of family and friends in the dreaming stage, the planning stage, and the action stage of change.

Stage 5 — A Clear Plan

Your plan is a wedding of your priorities, talents, and resources, and a realistic time frame.

Awareness

First Steps

Regroup

Identify Obstacles

A Clear Plan

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Principles of Planning1. Identify and describe the goal you want to reach.

2. Identify the benefits and liabilities of reaching that goal.

3. Identify the strengths and resources already available to you.

4. Identify other resources you will need, as well as the obstacles you will need to overcome.

5. Identify the stages of progress and a realistic schedule.

6. Identify the people you want to join you on this journey.

7. Identify the next step you need to take.

Stage 6—Work the Plan

Enjoy the journey as well as the destination.

Awareness

First Steps

Regroup

Identify Obstacles

A Clear Plan

Work the Plan

When we work our plan, we aren’t alone. Sometimes we are disappointed with immediate results, but we must be patient. The growth will come.

Fulfillment

Captain’s LogWhat has God been saying to you during ourtime together? I hope He has clarified andrenewed your sense of purpose, and I hopeHe has given you new confidence and newinsights about yourself and your situation.Many of us face huge hurdles and obstacles. Don’t let one of those obstacles be doubt. Be honest with God about your situation. Let Him give you comfort and encouragement. And follow your North Star......

Chart and Sextant

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Discussion

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