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Dealing with Difficult
People
Joanne Ward
Learning and Performance Improvement
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Dealing with Difficult People
Questions:
Do you know any difficult people?
More than one?
Is the person sitting beside you a difficult person?
Are you a difficult person?
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Dealing with Difficult People
Insights and Tools:
Understanding Conflict
5 Characteristics of Difficult People
4 Pitfalls to Avoid in Dealing with Difficult People
Video
5 Steps to Stop Difficult Behavior
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Barrier to Synergy - Conflict
Definition: A difference in opinion or purpose that frustratessomeone's goals or desires.
4 Primary Causes of Conflict:
1. Misunderstandings resulting from poor communication
2. Differences in values, goals, gifts, calling, priorities,expectations, interests, or opinions
3. Competition over limited resources (perceived or real)
4. Aggravated attitudes and habits that lead to hurtful wordsand actions
Reality: All relationships bring disorder andunpredictability.
Source: The Peace Maker, Ken Sande, 2004
Understanding Conflict
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Conflict Mindsets
1. Conflict is a hazardthat threatens to sweepme off my feet and leave me bruised andhurting.
2. Conflict is an obstaclethat should beconquered quickly and firmly.
3.Conflict is an opportunityto solve commonproblems in a way that benefits all thoseinvolved.
Source: The Peace Maker, Ken Sande, 2004
Different Conflict Mindsets:
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Responses to Conflict
1. Conflict is a hazardResponse = Escape more interest in avoiding theconflict than in resolving it. All conflict is wrong ordangerous and threatening.
2. Conflict is an obstacle
Response =Attackmore interest in winning aconflict than in preserving a relationship. Conflict isa contest or a chance to assert rights, control others,or take advantage of the situation.
Source: The Peace Maker, Ken Sande, 2004
Your Mindset Determines Your Response:
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Responses to Conflict
3. Conflict is an opportunity
Response =Reconcile/Resolve directed towardfinding just and mutually agreeable solutions toconflict.
Focus is on "us" working toward mutualresponsibility in solving the problem.
Source: The Peace Maker, Ken Sande, 2004
Your Mindset Determines Your Response:
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Dealing with Difficult People
5 Characteristics of Difficult People:
# 1. Predictable/abrasive style of behavior
# 2. Nearly everyone finds them difficult
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Dealing with Difficult People
5 Characteristics of Difficult People:
#3. They avoid blame and responsibility
See the world differently than we do
Do not believe problems can be resolved
Have not learned healthy problemsolving procedure, learned to blameothers.
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Dealing with Difficult People
5 Characteristics of Difficult People:
#4. They are robbers of your time and energy.
10% (difficult people) take up to 40-60% ofmanagements time.
# 5. Behavior out of proportion to problem.
Most toxic people are blaming, complaining ordraining Jonathon Ellerby, Ph.D.
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Dr. Ben Bissell Video:
Pitfalls to Avoid in Dealing with Difficult
People
4 Pitfalls to Avoid
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Dealing with Difficult People
4 Pitfalls in dealing with Difficult People
Do not excuse peoples behavior
Do not ignore behavior
Do not believe you can change these peopleoChange their behavior, not their personality
oYou and I teach people how to treat us
Do not collude - cooperate with difficult persons so
they end up succeeding.oDifficult people either lean in or out and want you to do
the same.
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Dealing with Difficult People
5 Steps to Stopping Difficult Behavior
#1. Must stand up I am here to be taken seriously
#2. Talk straight (7% words/38% tone/55% body language)
#3. Listen to them.
#4. Avoid Triangling.
#5. Move to problem solving.
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1. Determine
InvolvementIs behavior or
issue worth my
time & effort
to deal with?
Source: Bad Apples video
Resolving Conflict One-to-One
2. PAUSE!
Understand the
Other Person
Dealing with Difficult People
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Hitting the Pause Button
Remember - Difficult people make you thinkbackwards!
Brain scientists have identified how suchpeople do it: by subverting the way yourbrain makes decision. Strong emotionsactually short-circuit the brains rational
thought processes.
Mark Goulston , M.D. author of Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to
Absolutely Anyone
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1. Determine
InvolvementIs behavior or
issue worth my
time & effort
to deal with?
3. Influence
BehaviorCommunicate
how their
behavior affects
you
(and others
if appropriate)and the
business.
Source: Bad Apples video
2. PAUSE!
Understand the
Other Person
Dealing with Difficult People
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3. Influence
BehaviorCommunicate
how their
behavior affects
you
(and others
if appropriate)
and the
business.
Source: Bad Apples video and The Peace Maker, Ken Sande, 2004
Plan your wordsChoose words that indicate that you do not want
to continue the battle, but sincerely seeking
positive dialogue.
Define the issue as narrow as possible. Be
specific. Focus.
Identify words or topics that should be avoided.
Would offend or only make matters worse.
Avoid "you always", "you never", "every time".
What words best describe your feelings?
(concerned, frustrated, confused,
disappointed, hurt, etc)
How the problem is impacting you.
Use "I" statements:
"When You _____, I Feel _____.
As a result_____."
Offer your suggestions for solving the issue.
Dealing with Difficult People
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Summary
On any given day, all of us can be difficult!
Chose your battles.
Pause before reacting. Understand your naturalresponse to conflict.
Listen and give respect. Understand their viewpoint.
Recover and move on.
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Thank You!