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DeepPhytocracy:FeralSongs---ANARCHETYPES1.CORPOREALISTSBackstory:Ridingthegreen-washingwave,corporealistsandpinetreesgowelltogether.Pinesgrowinginthisregionaretwistedinallsortsofways(becauseofwind,witches,energyflows,whoknows?),sothey’rejustabunchofbadapplesasbuildingmaterialanddemandforpaperpulp,whichiswhattheywereusedfor,hasalsobeenplummeting.Resurrectedfrommarketobsolescence,CuronianpinetreeshavenowbecomeacheapsourceofalternativebiofuelandassuchalleviateLithuaniandependenceonforeignoil.Bestofall,theyseemtobegrowingquickly,colonizingtheSpit,overgrowingthedunesandinvadingthebeaches.Toolsandmethods:Thecorporealiststakethewoodatfacevalue,moreismoreismore.Theequationissimple:tocalculatethevalueofforest,takethepriceofbiofuelperliterminusproductioncostsdividedbysellermarginmultipliedbycircumferenceoftreetrunksmultipliedbycorrelationfactorbetweengirthandheightinagivenforestdistribution.Instructions:Usingthepreciselycalibratedwearablepinevalueassessmenttool,collectmeasurementsfromeverypinetreeappearinginthemarkedarea.Stepone:Dress.Theheadholeshouldgiveawaytheappropriateorientation.Steptwo:Putthethumbofonehandthroughtheopening.Grabamarkerwiththathand.Stepthree:Toperformthemeasurementaction,facethetreeandpressyourtorsoagainstthetreetrunk,armsstretchedout.Whileinthisposition,extendthearmsforward,wrappingthetree.Stepfour:Markthepositionwhereyourmarker-holdinghandtouchesthevalueassessmenttool.Makesureyoutakeameasurementofeverypinetreeinthearea.

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2.KURORTODOXBackstory:Thetimeofmasssun-bakingonthebeachisover–thekurortodoxrequiremorefromlife,andonlythebestfromnature.Thekurortodoxarewellacquaintedwiththeterritorialexclusivityandworldcultural-naturalheritagestatusofthearea,butwhattheyaretrulyafteristhepsycho-emotionalimpactofitsnaturalresources.Theyseekthecollectablespectacle,agreengazeofperfectproportions;toidentifyitsaestheticappeal,scenicbeautyandvisualquality.This,afterall,iswhatrepresentsthequalityofbeing.Toolsandmethods:Comingfromatraditionofquantifiedselves,theylostconfidenceintheirownperception,andanyway,theyaredefinitelynotaftersubjectivebeauty.Thetriedandtestedgoldenratioiswhatensuresahighqualityoftheiraestheticexperience.Instructions:Workinpairs.Theframewithafragile,thinsheetofglassdepictsacarefullychosengoldenratiocomposition.Yourtaskistoidentifyyourtop5plantcompositionsinthedemarcatedareabymatchingthefeaturesofplantsandlandscapetobestfitthegoldenratiocomposition.Behighlyselectiveandaspreciseaspossible.Itisabsolutelynecessarytofindatleasttwocompositionsthatcanonlybeviewedwithyouheadagainstthegroundandatleastonelookingupward.Remember,youcannottrustyourpersonaljudgment;youraestheticappraisalbuddymustverifyanysuggestion.Identifythecompositionsfortheenjoymentofotherkurortodoxbyplacingoneflagoneachsideofthecompositiontomarktheview.

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3.PANSEMIOLOGISTICINVESTIGATORSBackstory:Withtherecentresurfacingofclaimsofplantsentience,thesuspicionsofpansemiologistsareallbutconfirmed.Workingfortheclandestinenewworldorder,theseindividualsaretaskedwithuncoveringanddecipheringthecommunicationroutesofalienentitiesandbringingtheirplotstotheattentionofpowersthatbe.Crackingtheircodeisthefirstnecessarystepofgettingtheupperhandinthisarmsrace.Wehavenarrowedthesuspectmothertrees,allegedlyresponsiblefororganizingtraffickingonthewoodwideweb,downtothree.Theirconnectionsmustnowbescrutinizedandcontactsrevealed.Toolsandmethods:Pansemiologistsarewellversedinaesthesis–theembodiedsense,awayofperceivingtheworldthroughgestureandcontactwithmore-than-humansandopeninguptothepossibilityofsensesbeyondthoseconventionallyaccepted.Astheyreachoutgesturallytoplants,appreciationisembeddedinsensousmovements,leadingtointimateencountersoftouch,taste,smell,soundandlookingclosely.Theirtoolboxconsistsoftheirhomegrownsensesandappendages,supplementedonlywithglovesforthefragile-skinned.Instructions:Threesuspectmotherpinetreesaremarkedwithredandwhitetape.Yourmissionistorevealthewaytheyconnecttotherestofthevegetalbeingsbyfollowingtheirroots.Asyouuncoverthetoplayerofmoss,diggingintothethinhumus,youwillreachlightbrown,flexibletentacles.Thesestretchfarandwide,butyoumustbecarefulnottobreakthem.Onlybyfollowingtherootstothetipoftheirjoiningwiththeothercreatures(plant,fungi,animal...),smelling,tasting,digging,doyoustandachancetoglimpsethebreadthoftheircommunicationnetwork.Markthepathoftherootswithsticksbeforecoveringthemagainwithmoss.

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4.IMAGOFETISHISTS(PROPHYLACTICCLIMATONIHILISM)Backstory:Imagofetishistsarethebastardchildrenofanti-abortionactivistgroupsandtranshumanistgeoengineers.Theywereraisedtobelieveplantsprovideecosystemservicesviasequestrationofcarbon,whichoffsetsglobalwarmingcausedbylarge-scaleindustrialdevelopments.Youthistheanswer,imagofetishistsinternalised.Woodlandareasthatregrowafterforestfires,loggingoperations,orotherdisturbancescansequesterhugeamountsofcarbondioxideandtheyplayanunexpectedlyvaluableroleinmitigatingclimatechangeandallowunbridledtranshumanistfantasiestoprosper.Iftheimagofetishists’objectofdesirewasn’tplantlife,theywouldbeshunnedaspedophiliacs,butthat’sdoublestandardsforyou.They’reespeciallyattractedtoyoung,fastgrowingbirchesandpines.Toolsandmethods:Imagofetishistscanrecognizeyounggrowthamileaway.Whenindoubt,theyuseameasuringtape,anythingbelow1.5mmakesthemquiverwithpleasure.Instructions:Systematicallycombthedesignatedareainsearchforyounggrowth.Ateachencounter,discreetlyperformaninappropriatesexualgesturetowardtheplantandsprinkleitwithafewgrainsoffertilizer.Enjoytheencounter.

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5.NEOGNOSTICAGRARIANSBackstory:Betweenthetwopositionsinstructingnatureconservation,agrariansbelieveinthevalueoftheethnoscape–naturethathasinsomewaybeentendedtoorimprintedonbyhumans(ratherthannaturehavingvalueonitsownandconservingitforitsownsake).Theneognosticagrarians,however,interpretthis“imprint”inanunusualway.Inlinewiththeresurgenceofpaganism,neognosticagrariansbelievethatafterdeath,soulsofthedepartedfinddwellingintrees,especiallybirch,lindenandpines.Thetreeswhichharborhumansoulsrepresentplantswithuniversalvalueandmustthereforebeprotectedatanycost.Toolsandmethods:Totheexperiencedneognosticagrarian,thepresenceofsoulsintreescanbeseenatfirstglance,thegiveawaybeingaparticulartwistinthebranches(afavoritespotforsoulsontheCuronianSpitisthedrunkenforestontheRussianside).Thisobservationcanthenbeindisputablyconfirmedthroughasimpledivinationritual.Instructions:Holdthechainofthesoul-seekingpenduluminyourhandwhileplacingtheotherhandonatreetrunk.Concentrateonthequestion“Isahumansoulinsideyou?”(oryourownversionofthisquestion).Thependulumwillstartmoving.Aback-and-forthmovementmeanstheansweris“yes.”Ifyourpendulumswingsinaclockwisedirectionmeans"yes",acounterclockwisedirectionmeans"no".Tiearibbonaroundeachtrunkofthetreethatyouhaveidentifiedasharboringasoul.Checkasmanytreesaspossible.

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6.STENOURBANITESBackstory:Theagoraphobic,technophilic,precariouslyworking-from-homestenourbanitesfindtherawpresenceofother-than-humanlifeunbearable.Thesheerferalityoftheforestmakesthemwanttohideinanofficespace.Butweknowsmallstepsleadtobigtransformations–forthestenourbanitewehavedevelopedaplantofacilitateasoftconfrontationwiththesubjectofstudy.Infearofwildernesstoday–aneagerinvestigatorofphytocracytomorrow!Toolsandmethods:Unliketherestofthetools,thisonedoesn’tinvestigateelementsofphytocracy.Itisthefirstbabystep,acotton-paddedencounterwiththeferalityofplantlife.Thevirtuallyvirtualreality(VVR)helmetmediatestheexperienceofanauthenticencountertotoneitdowntothemuchmorepalatablenature-simulacraaesthetic.Instructions:Carefullyslidethehelmetontoyourhead.Adjustthegogglesandheadphonestoacomfortableposition.Overthecourseoftheinvestigation,continuouslyweartheVVRhelmet,exploringthevegetallife.Whenfeelingalienated,pleasereachouttothefellowhumansworkinginthesamearea.Donotdisturbthemformorethanafewmoments.Incaseofdiscomfort,sicknessbagsareprovided.

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7.SCHIZO-XENOPHOBICSADOMASOCHISTSBackstory:Theschizo-xenophobicsadomasochistshaveaneuroticallyambivalentrelationshiptoindigeneityandautochtonicity.Asadefault,theyareenviousofplantsfortheirrootedness,consideringthemselvesmerevagrantsincomparison,neverquiteconnectedtothegroundtheywalkon.However,theirpsychecannotconsolidatethesuccessfulproliferationofinvasiveplantspecies.Aprimeexampleofahighlyirritatingspeciesistheblacklocust,Robiniapseudoacacia.Hernamesaysitall,she’saposerthroughandthrough(she’snotevenarealacacia).Sheisoneofthefewplantspeciesthatisconsideredinvasiveevenonthecontinenttowhichsheisnative.Themoreyoucuther,themoreshegrows.Toolsandmethods:KeepingtruetotheirSMnature,theschizo-xenophobicsadomasochistsapproacheveryrobinia,whichtheycanspotamileaway,withthesamepassionandfury,literallylashingouttheirfrustrationinaaffectionateinterchangeofself-androotedforeignerflagellation.Instructions:Getacquaintedwiththeflagellationtoolthathasbeenprovidedforyou.Symbolicallywovenfromthefinestbirchtreebranches,themostauthenticallyLithuaniantree(asidefromoak,lindenandspruce),itrepresentsbotharejectionandembrace.Withthegreenleavedtip,whipeachrobiniatreeyouencounterthrice,lettingoutsighofloveandhatewitheachstrike.Afterthisaction,strikeachosenpartofyourownbodywiththebackendofthewhip.

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8.VEGETARIATMARTYRSBackstory:Thoughinconspicuous,thevegetariatmartyrsareinfactprotagonistsofthevegetable-humanalliance.Employingtheirfullheteronomic,phutonicpotentialasthemodeofresistancetocommodity-drivensocieties,theyarethethornineverycivilizedthigh.Theirbodiesarebiologicalcomputersandfromthepointofbirththeyhavebeentakingininformation,processing,calculating.Likethevegetalbeings,theypracticeredundancy,pattern,exteriorityanddividuality.Whenthephaseofexponentialexploitationtransitionsintotheinevitableplateau,theywillbereadytoorganize.Likeanimallikeplant.Toolsandmethods:Betweenintrospectionandabsolutemindlesspresence,thevegetariatstaysstill,growing,ruminating,gestating.Instructions:Putontheshirt.Ifyouhaveanyundergarments,removethem.Findapositionwithinthemarkedarea.Standorsitstillforthedurationoftheinvestigations.Themartyrdomwillrevealitselfintheamountofbitesyouwillhavecollectedduringthisperiod.Therepulsionoftheplanthabitatcorrelateswiththenumberofbites.Reportthenumber.

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9.NON-CRITICALBIODIVERSITYHOARDERSBackstory:Globalnatureisthenameofthegameandbiodiversityisitsultimateexpression.Closelyfollowingtheever-gloomierseverityofthe6thextinction(happeningnow),non-criticalbiodiversityhoardershavetakenituponthemselvestocollectplantspeciesandconservethemforposterity.Theyalsosufferfromacommonconsumeristaffliction,namelyhoarding-apathologicalcompulsiontoexcessivelyacquirespecimensandaninabilitytodiscardlargequantitiesofplantmaterial,whichiscoveringtheirlivingareasandcausingsignificantdistressandimpairment.Toolsandmethods:Armedwiththeirkeeneyeandalargejarwithalcohol,non-criticalbiodiversityhoarderspickleaves,stemsandflowerswithacompletedisregardforbotanyorclassification.Ifthey(think)theydon’thaveitintheircollectionyet-inthejaritgoes.Instructions:Combthearea,collectingsamplesofanynewplantsyoucomeacross.Placethemintothealcoholsolutionforconservation.

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10.HISTRIO-ADMINISTRATORSBackstory:Betweengovernmentalbodiesandthelaypublic,thehistrio-administratorsmaintainthesteadystatebetweennatureandculture,lawandorder,lifeanddeath.Thepressureofconstantlychanging,oftenconflictinglegislation,instructions,jurisdictionsandstakeholderinterestshaveleadthemtosystemicallydevelopamildhysteriawhichallowsthemtodissociatefromtheemotionaldrainoftheirjobswhilekeepingthepublicfaceofauthority.Toolsandmethods:Aidedbytheindispensabledisciplininghornandmarkedbytheaffectiveorangejacket,theirpresenceandpanopticalcapabilitiesinstillahighworkethicamongstthevolunteers.Instructions:Youmuststayalertandvigilantduringthe30-minuteinvestigation.Wheneveryouobserveslacking,boredomorchitchat,gentlyremindthevolunteersthatthetaskathandisseriousbyhonkingthehornandaskingthemtofocus.Iftheydisregardyoursuggestion,takeamoremilitantapproach,goingintoafrenzyofhonkingandhystericalyelling.ItisOKtointerjectthisactionwithapologiesandcomplaintsabouthowmuchyouhateyourjobandthatit’sreallynotyourfault.HEREISALISTOFPROPERBEHAVIOUR(deviationissanctioned):CORPOREALISTS:wearingsleeves,huggingtreesKUROTRODOX:inpairs,lookingthroughframes,markingviewswithflagsPANSEMIOLOGISTICINVESTIGATORS:diggingandfollowingtreerootsIMAGOFETISHISTS:lookingforyounggrowth,performingsexualgestures,sprinklingwithfertilizerNEOGNOSTICAGRARIANS:touchingtreeswhilereadingthependulum,tyingribbonsaroundthemSTENOURBANITES:wearingVVRhelmetsandwanderingthroughtheforestSCHIZO-XENOPHOBICSADOMASOCHISTS:flagellationoftheblacklocustandselfVEGETARIATMARTYRS:sittingorstandingstill;youcanrecognizethembytheyellowheaddressNON-CRITICALBIODIVERSITYHOARDERS:carryingalargejarandcollectingplantsHISTRIO-ADMINISTRATORS:honkingandyellingatpeoplewhoarenotworking