Caryn Skinner
Building Self Esteem with Your Children
SEMINAR OBJECTIVES
Examine the nature of self esteem and where it comes from
Recognise the symptoms of high and low self esteem Examine our own self esteem and how that may
impact on our children Identify a strategy for day to day parenting that
builds our own and our child's self esteem Examine practical everyday ways of ensuring we
build self esteem
WHAT DO WE WANT FOR OUR CHILDREN?
I want the best for my children I want them to be responsible, happy and caring I want them to take their place in the World I want them to have successful relationships I want them to be productive in whatever they do
and gain satisfaction from it
DEFINITION OF SELF ESTEEM
"Self Esteem is realistic self awareness and a belief that we are basically OK”
“A quiet feeling of self worth”
CORE SELF ESTEEM
CoreSelf Esteem
Self Confidence Self Trust
Self Approval
Self Image
OUR CORE SELF ESTEEM
SYMPTOMS OF LOW SELF ESTEEM
Symptoms
= Anxiety
Wish they were someone else
Rarely volunteer
Boast
Panic when faced with a new task
Feel inferior or unworthy
Over dependence onauthority figures
May bully
Lack energy
Value them Spend time with them Respect them Trust them Commit to them Be their role model Be on their side
ATTITUDE – THE FOUNDATION
KEY QUESTIONS (1)
Have I helped them feel good, or at least not bad, about themselves today?
Have I shown that I have understood their feelings and/or their point of view on anything today?
Have I shown any interest in, or asked about, anything they have done today?
KEY QUESTIONS (2)
Have I listened to them with my whole hearted attention at least once?
Will they think I am on their side?
Try to aim for at least one "yes" every day.
PRAISE
Specific
Deed not Doer
Praise
Timing Areas to Improve
ADVANTAGES OF INCREASED EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
Increased physical health
Higher academic achievement
Better formed relationships
Less tendency to violent acts
Emotionally healthy
FIVE STEPS TO EMOTIONAL COACHING
Become aware of the child's emotion Recognise the emotion as an opportunity for
intimacy and teaching Put yourself in the child's shoes and listen,
acknowledging the child's feelings Help to find words to express the emotion Set limits while exploring ways to solve the
problem
WHY DON’T WE LISTEN?
We are pursuing our own line of thought
We are relating it all to our own experience
We switch off because we know what they are going to say
We judge the speaker, labelling everything they are saying instead of listening
POSITIVE COMMUNICATION
“You think you’re so clever”
Put downs
“Actions speak louder than words”
Body language
“You’re so clumsy”
Labelling“Don’t spill it”
Making requests
“Can you hear me?”
Listening
WHY DO WE PUT OUR CHILDREN DOWN?
To say what was said to us when we were young
It is the right thing to do
We are down on our reserves
PROBLEM SOLVING
Describe the situation
Sum up in their words
Generate ideas
Pick one
Confirm if solved
WHAT DOES SELF ESTEEM DO FOR OUR CHILDREN?
Face fewer obstacles to fulfilment
The negative opinion of others will not immobilise them
They will not be undone by failure, they will learn from it
They will respect others
They will find loving others easier and have lots of love to give away!
AS PARENTS WE MUST:
Accept ourselves, recognise what we are doing is the best we can
Recognise we have a choice about how to behave as a parent
Share our thoughts, feelings and needs honestly and without fear of judgement
Look after ourselves and ask for and gain support from others
FOUR KEY TENETS FOR PARENTS
To identify our own values
To provide us and our children with a sense of direction
To accept responsibility for guiding and leading our children to adulthood
To avoid the extremes of child rearing fashions and find a sustainable middle way.
SEMINAR OBJECTIVES
Examine the nature of self esteem and where it comes from
Recognise the symptoms of high and low self esteem
Examine our own self esteem and how that may impact on our children
Identify a strategy for day to day parenting that builds our own and our child's self esteem
Examine practical everyday ways of ensuring we build self esteem
Top Related