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Advice: 7 Comics and Games: 8 Coupons: 12 How To: 4 Sports: 11 Quiz: 10 Quotes: 6
INSIDE THIS EDITION Featured Arcle About Last Week: 2
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The worst thing to happen to Miami since ACC Refs
The band was warming up. Theplayers were stretching. The students
were nding their seats. All seemed per-
fectly normalthis past Saturday at Sun
Life Stadium until an hour and half be-
fore kicko of the Miami-KSU game,
when the referees decided to cancel the
game due to potential severe weather.With non-conference opponent K-State
coming to town, the ACC assigned an all
Big East referee crew: Head Ref George
Wilson (an original Big East ref), Imani
Nia (a known Rastafarian), and George
Carlin. In a press conference on Friday,
ACC blogger Heather Dinich questioned
ACC commissioner about the referee
team. Gentlemen, you have a voodoo
shaman whos never heard of football anda famous comedian whos been dead for
three years reng this game. What are
you thinking? The commissioner re-
sponded Well, all of our refs for non-
conference games are usually made up
of drunk FSU fans we nd in Tallahassee.
We thought wed try something dier-
ent for this game.
The referees got together after the
players nished their rst warm up and
decided to cancel the game entirely. Nia
claimed that the pregame dragonies,
sprinkling, and the readings from his
Dungeons and Dragons dice indicated
the end of the world was coming. Underthe secret unocial reng handbook
for ACC games, a majority vote of the
ociating crew is required to make any
major changes to the game procedure,
including cancelling the game. Head Ref
Wilson claimed that the lightning was a
legitimate concern and precautionsshould be made. Nia voted also to sus-
pend play on the account that his chick-
en bones indicated that there was an
85% chance that the dragonies would
spontaneously grow to the size ofChris
Walkers pickup truck and start devour-
ing everyone in sight. Kansas State Biol-
ogy faculty member Dr. Andrews re-
viewed Nias procedure and conrmed
the scientic accuracy. These two votes
Pictured: Fans running from the stadium last week
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were enough to cancel the game.
George Carlins dead corpse abstained
from voting, though ten minutes after
voting, his blue ghost Jedi Master spirit
appeared in the press conference roomclaiming that this was football, not base-
ball and that the struggle should contin-
ue. In spite of Carlins protest, he was
told multiple times that This is Florida,
George. We dont do recounts.
An anonymous ACC ref was asked
about the peculiarity of the events on
Saturday. Ive never seen anything like
this in all my years of watching/
ociating football. This is actually
weirder than the combined ve times
Ive been asked by an FSU kicker for a
do-over under the claim that the sun
was in my eyes.
Since this was a non-conferencegame, there is no current plan to re-
schedule it. Both teams will play out the
remainder of their seasons. In the event
either is eligible for a BCS bowl game
come December, the NCAA will have
Stanford and Duke Physicists use their
experimental time machine to send both
teams back in time to play their game.
Whether you are looking at conference
realignments or voodoo magic, this sea-
son is turning out to be one interesting
In normal football play, ght songs are played following a touchdown or eld
goal. Despite weeks ofvigorous research, we have not been able to nd an in-
stance in which the Bethune-Cookman ght song was played against a Division I
-A/FBS opponent. As such, we have to assume one does not exist. In lieu of al-
ternate lyrics, I would like to make the following public service announcement;
this is particularly for the benet of the freshmen.
PAY ATTENTION TO THE B-CU BAND, ESPECIALLY AT HALFTIME!
CULTURE SHOCK IS GOOD FOR YOU!!!
(Addendum: If you are not from the South, this applies to you, but with more
rage-infused excitement, expletives, and foaming at the mouth)
What Fight Song?
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HOW TO:Watch a Hurricane Away football game
1. STEP AWAY FROM THE MARCHING BAND UNIFORM! It may be hard to not just
throw on the dri-t and super sexy white shoes before leaving your room; there were
3 home games in a row. However, you can dress like a normal Miami Hurricanes fan
now! So be sure to wear as much Hurricane gear as humanly possible!
2. Find a suitable venue; this could be
your room, a friends room, the new
Bualo Wild Wings in Sunset, the Rat,
or many other places
a) For an optimal viewing experi-
ence, a at-screen television of 32+ is
recommended with HD channels. If
you REALLY want to be submersed in-to the game, add a surround sound
system. Anything less than the above
will severely detract from a fantastic
watch party.
3. If you plan on hosting a watch party, be sure to have many delectable treats! How-
ever, it would be unreasonable for you to provide all the food; were all poor college
students. Suggest to your party attendees that they bring a small appetizer or bev-
erage to share! Problem solved.
a) Likewise, if you are attending a watch party that you are not hosting, be cour-
teous! Trash the whole place and draw celebratory scribbles on the wall after
every Hurricane touchdown! Your party host/hostess will thank you later by never
inviting you over again.
Before the Game
Fig 1.1. Celebratory Scribbles.
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During the Game
4. Arrive somewhere between 15-30 minutes before kicko.
5. Take advantage of not being in uniform, and tell the refs how you really feel. They
may not hear you, and the people around you may not appreciate all the loud nois-es, but the point is that you
told them how you truly
feel, and that they can go
s*#@ lots of big d&@$s.
(save lots of big ducks of
course. Were duck-friendly
people here in Miami).
6. Watch the Hurricanes WIN!!! After every touchdown or eld goal, be sure that you
and everyone else sings Spirit (you better know it by now. And if you dont, SHAME
ON YOU!). Similarly, after every rst down, sing the rst down tag, followed by an
obnoxious AND THATS GOOD. FOR ANOTHER HURRICANE . FIRST DOWN!!!
7. Give the host/hostess a high-ve and a bighug for a wonderful football shindig. If you
were at a restaurant or sports bar, be sure to
be extra generous to the waiter/waitress for
putting up with all your shenanigans.
8. Celebrate with delicious, adult beverages.
Nothing better than a warm glass of milkto
put you to bed after the crazy, exciting foot-
ball game
After the Game
So now that you know how, be sure to watch the Miami Hurricanes take
down Virginia Tech next weekend! If you have other plans, or dont feel like
watching football tsk tsk. Sebastian would not be happy with you.
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Quotable Quotes
Youre like BJs Brooke Cathey
Is this long enough for you? SarahWagnerI like mine a little bigger. GabbyThompson
You can have my sausage. Bre Young
Hey , how are your lips doing? Jorel Rivas
Which lips? Julio Garcia
Youre not a fan of footsie? Taylor Rambo
Not footsie-ing my nipples! Matt Pollard
You spilled it in Rays case! Ewww Erika
Frost
In & out, in & out, you need to gure it out.
If you look at me Ill give it to you. Chris
Walker
Why am I wet? Rebecca Liberatore
Hit it then move on. Sam Castagna
Tuning a section of piccolos is more di-cult than scoring a touchdown. Erica
Sturm
Im sorry. I keep vibrating on the table.
Brittany Truehart
Some people just oer me their junk.
Kristy Hamlin
Its OK, just dont get it on my pants.
Chris Walker
Its wet and it smells nice. Kristy Hamlin
Yeah, my mom has cock blocked me be-
fore. Its OK, we hugged it out. Matt Pol-
lard
Its so big. It won't t. Its about to ex-
plode.Ernesto Fernandez
Look. I just swallowed this whole thing.
Ray Amador
Dont forget to submit your funny out of context quotes to the
Windy Chord box, or by email to [email protected]
Sh*t my dad says
Football Players FP (frantically): Wheres a trainer. Im hurtin!Trainer: Whats wrong.
FP: I got a toothache.
Trainer: . . . *facepalm*(Actually overheard by band members)
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Questions for the Queen
I really don't like standing at football games
and last week my section leader yelled at meto stand up. I thought it was really rude.
What can I say to him so that I don't have tostand up at games?-Annoyed and seated
A&S,
Why would anyone not want to stand up at a
Canes football game? I can only assume that
your legs were too tired from running around
your house screaming at the season nale of
the Bachelorette. If standing up to supportyour football team isnt up your alley, maybe
you should drop marching band, grab yourself
a cold, fruity drink, and join the Sex and the
City Fan Club. They meet every week in the
UC, and if you dont know where that is, Im
sure you wont mind asking for directions.
Most women refuse to play football because
they would never be caught dead on a eld
wearing the same outt as 10 other people
Q .
I keep getting quoted saying really embar-
rassing things in the Windy Chord. I can't helpit though! Dirty things just come out of my
mouth all the time! How can I make my
friends stop quoting me in such an embarrass-
ing way?
- Notta Potty Mouth (but dirty nonetheless)
NPM,
If youre really worried that your everyday
speech is too dirty, then perhaps you should
tie a tape recorder around your neck for an
entire day, and record every word you say. If
you nd yourself frequently using words like
shaft, moist, hole, rim, rough, or Portuguese
Breakfast, then you might have a real prob-
lem. I suggest you try taking these words andconstruct sentences that couldnt possibly be
construed as dirty. For instance: the man
made sure the shaft was nice and moist so it
would glide smoothly into the hole. Clearly,
that sentence is about a trombone player
greasing their slide. Not dirty at all.
The more you blow, the harder they get.
Thats what the Queen said! (talking aboutbeach balls, duh!)
Q .
There are so many band couples and I really
want to be in one. There's a certain drum ma-
jor I've been eyeing lately, but I can't seem toget him to notice me. I've tried playing out of
tune and blasting my horn when hes nearby,
but nothing I do is getting me the results Iwant. How can I get his attention?
- Sick of tooting my own horn
Tooter,
The reason that your drum major hasnt no-
ticed you yet is because he has more to worry
about than one person intentionally playing
badly. If you really want his attention, maybe
you should be more direct. At the next march-
ing band rehearsal, while Dr. Keck is trying toimplement a new set for the show, run out in-
to the middle of the eld and proclaim your
undying love for him at the top of your lungs.
That should get his attention for sure!
Heres to nding you a new horn to toot
Q .
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Mad Libs
Disney Mad Lib- A Whole New 1.________
I can show you the 2.________
3.________, 4.________, 5.________
Tell me, princess, now when did
You last let your 6.________ decide?
I can open your 7.________
Take you 8.________ by 9.________
Over, sideways and under
On a magic 10.________ ride
A whole new 11.________
A new 12.________ point of view
No one to tell us 13.________Or where to 14.________
Or say we're only 15.________
A whole new 16.________
A 17.________ place I never knew
But when I'm way up here
It's 18.________ clear
that now I'm in a whole new 19.________ with you
1. Noun
2. Noun
3. Adjecve
4. Adjecve
5. Adjecve
6. Body Part
7. Plural Body Part
8. Noun
9. Noun
10. Noun
11. Noun
12. Adjecve
13. Exclamaon
14. Verb
15. -ing Verb
16. Noun
17. Adjecve
18. Adjecve
19. Noun
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Probaon:
- People who dont wear Orange and Green on Fridays
Celebraon:
- Gabby Thompson for learning 3 pregame spots
-New Tenor Sax Aaron for learning the show in 2 pracces
The Good, the Band, and the Ugly
Classieds
CreavemindstohelpwritefortheWindyChord.Con-tactJordanBalke
Wanted
morecla
rinet
players
16isjustnot
enough
!
SeeAm
andaifyou
know
ofanyo
nethat
canplay
andisn
otinban
dyet
Pick up your stu from the Lost
and Found or it will become fair
game for everyone else
Attention
Come to the date auction to bet on
your fellow band members and our
super-duper secret special guest
(It is almost better than Charles Damon).
3RD ANNUAL BAND DATE AUCTION
OCTOBER 12th AFTER BAND
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Personality Quiz
Which Spirit group should you be in?
1. Whats your signature move?
A. My sultry hair ipB. My perfect Liberty
C. My wicked horn ashes
D. My CANES Spellout
2. Whats the best part about your job?
A. The super cute outts
B. Flying high
C. Awesome music
D. All of it!
3. Whats the worst part about it?
A. Creepy guys leering at us
B. No voice after the games
C. Sweating to death in my uniform
D. Youre kidding right?
4. What do you do in your free time?
A. Show o my dance moves at a clubB. Practice being peppy
C. Free time?
D. Show o my dance moves at a club
5. What number one thing does someone
need to be in your organization?
A. Desire to dance
B. Positive attitude always!
C. Total commitment to the cult group
D. BLEED ORANGE AND GREEN!!!
Now count which leer you
answered most to nd where
your UM spirit would shine!
Mostly As: You
should be a
Sunsaton!
Mostly Bs You
should be a
Cheerleader!
Mostly Cs: You
should be a
Band Kid!
Mostly Ds: You
should be
Sebasan!
Lady Canes took the Common
Wealth State by storm this
past weekend, beating both
VT and UVA on the road in
straight sets. Welchs squad
showed great pose as they re-
bounded from their rst loss in
ACC play. The team won 5 of
the 6 sets by 5 points or fewer,
but their defense proved to be
the dierence this past week-
end. The back three held the
Hokies to a 0.162 conversion
percent on kill attempts. Ryan
Shaer had 23 digs this past
weekend, and this reporter can
validly claim thats not the only
time she spent on her knees
this past weekend. Captain
Carico and Becker had 24 and
23 kills for the two games
each, respectively.
The Canes look to continue
their success with Wake Forest
(4-8) and Duke (8-4) this week-
end, both games at the Knight
Sports Complex.
Volleyball
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Scores and
Schedules
Womens Soccer 8-3-2
Game: 10/2 @ 1pmWomens Volleyball 11-1
Game: 10/2 @ 1:30pm
Miami vs. Bethune-
Cookman
Coming o last weeks disap-pointing loss against KansasState, the Canes turn their at-tention to Wildcats of another
kind. This time, the Wildcatscome from Bethune-Cookman
University in Daytona.
The Enemy:
B-CU plays football in the Mid-Eastern Atlantic Conference(MEAC) of the Football Cham-pionship Subdivision (FCS),
the lower of the two Division Ifootball divisions. They are 2-1
with wins against Prairie ViewA&M and Hampton and a loss
against South Carolina State.Despite being a second-tier
program, the Canes cantaord to overlook the Wild-cats, who nished the 2010 at
10-2 and MEAC champions.
Oense Preview:Despite the loss, the Canesoense looked solid last week,especially in the second half.
Lamar Miller rushed for 107
yards, his third consecutivegame of 100+ yards this sea-son. This week marks the sup-posed return of Seantrel Hen-
derson, the
enormous sopho-more left tackle. Seantrelhad been out for months fol-
lowing oseason back sur-gery. While he will not start,
Coach Al Golden said that hewould most likely play. Behind
Henderson and a full-strengthoensive line, Miller should
have an extremely productiveday against the undersized
defense of Bethune-
Cookman. Jacory Harris had avery good second half againstKansas State and will hope re-produce that form, rather
than the less-than-stellar per-formance he had in the rst
half. Coach Golden has men-tioned that he wants the tightends to get more involved inthe passing game. However, it
still hasnt happened yet. WithUSC transfer Blake Ayles out
due to injury, it will fall onAsante Cleveland, Chase Ford,and Clive Walford to step up.
Defensive Preview:All three of Bethune-Cookmans games this season
have been shootouts. QB Ja-maar Robinson is a pocket
passer with the athleticism torun if needed while RB Rodney
Scott has 231 yards on the
season. Miamis
defensive line, which has pro-duced relatively few sacks thisseason, should be able tooverpower a Wildcat oensive
line which is less talented thanothers the Canes will face this
season. Robinsons running
ability will require SeanSpence and the Miami line-
backers to stay disciplined, as
Colin Klein punished Miamisdefense with his scrambleslast week. B-CU WR Eddie
Poole has 3 touchdowns onthe season, but the Canes fast
secondary should be able toshut him down.
Final Assessment:
Barring a complete break-down, the Canes should beable to win comfortably to-
day. If they show even a little
heart, it should be a blow-out. In short, B-CU would
have to put their 28-man
sousaphone section on theeld (during the game, not
just at halftime) to have anykind of shot at beating Mi-
ami.
Football
Chris Cicconi placed 5th in his Angry Birds competition last weekend
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Ernesto There were denitely
enough pictures of people sleep-
ing at the last game to make you
a borderline creepy stalker...
Contribung Authors:
Jordan What the heck is that thing? Balke
Samantha OMG Cupcakes!! Castagna
Sami Non-disclosure agreement Goodwin
Stephanie Beach Balls Gust
Mahew Firebird Suite Pollard
Taylor How do you not know that? Rambo
Gabby Non-racist Asian Name Thompson
Sarah Mom, can you do my laundry Wagner
Stephen Band Capt who hurls expleves Yip
Dont forget to submit your funny
quotes, classied ads, and advice
quesons to the Windy Chord box
or to [email protected]!
.15% o with your
Cane Card
during the month
of October
In store purchases only
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