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PRESTON
WORLD EXCLUSIVE
HAILKINGTERRY
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TERRY
Welcome to the second edition of Barbershop, your
community magazine. In this edition we focus on
Schizophrenia and aim to bust some of the myths
that surround this mental health problem.
We have brought together mental health
practitioners who look to improve the quality of life
of those who have this mental illness. In contrast
to widespread belief, Schizophrenia is not a split
personality, and those who are living with the illnessdo not need to be conned to the house, hospital or
be imprisoned.
There are lots of different views about why people
develop the condition but its cause is more likely
to be due to a combination of different factors
including genetic and environmental ones.
Approximately one in a hundred people will
experience schizophrenia in their life-time. Although
it affects men and women, men are more likely to
develop the condition earlier on in life. Regardless of
gender, schizophrenia can have a disruptive effect
on those who have it as well as their friends and
family.
Despite the impact Schizophrenia may have, this
edition of Barbershop will highlight the fact that with
access to ongoing support and appropriate medical
treatment, having Schizophrenia should not stop
people leading a fullling life.
Stephen Lewis
from the editor
Barbershop The Magazine
Editorial Director ///Tony Roberts
Operations Director ///Tyrone King
Creative Director ///Chris Mason
Email [email protected]: www.colourmind.co.uk
Barbershop Birmingham
Project Manager ///Stephen Lewis
Editorial Board
Stephen Lewis, Angela Simmonds,
Terry Rigby, Patrick Kwesiga, Monique
Rosemond, Niki McGrath, Sarah Clee.
ContributorsAngela Simmonds, Stephen Lewis,
Kafilla Noorin, Tony Roberts, Ibrar
Uddin, Hardev Malhi, Uroy Kelly,
Michelle Bhalroo, Elian Lucas, James
Pogson, Marcus Fletcher, Dawn
Reid, Darren Williams, John Mayer,Jason Dwyer, Carl Gifillian, Monique
Rosemond, Marcus Fletcher, Nasreen
Akhtar
Comic Artwork ///Mark Anderson
Photography
Anthony McFarlane, Darren Leopold
Williams, Ibrar Uddin, Jason Dwyer,
Angela Simmonds, Tony Roberts,
Chris Mason
Thanks to
Terry Rigby, Ken Jackson, Davy Hay,
Habz, Darius, Caron Thompson,
Mohammed Ashfaq, Saghir Ulhaq,
Elian Lucas, Marcus Fletcher, CarlGifillian, South Birmingham Primary
Care Trust, Birmingham East and
North Primary Care Trust, Heart of
Birmingham Primary Care Trust,
Midland Heart Housing Association,Ashram Housing Association, Patti Gift
Therapy, KIKIT Project,
Servol Community Trust.
Special Thanks to
Terry Rigby, Cherry Dale, TonyRoberts, Tyrone King, Tony Merry,
Angela Simmonds, Julia Cave, H.M.PShrewsbury, Jean Tompkins, Metrics
Barbershop, Habz Barbershop.
Contact Info:
Stephen Lewis, Ashram Housing
Association, Fairgate House, 2nd Floor,
205 Kings Road, Tyseley, Birmingham
B11 2AA. Tel 0121-764-3818
Signposts....................................................................sometimes nding the right support can be like nding the right turning onSpaghetti Junction. So we put together a handy guide
Unlocking the Community......................................Us men are useless when it comes to our health. So we askeda woman to help sort us out.
Not Jeckyl or Hyde..................................................Most people think that schizophrenia is plit personality. But thats a myth.
We talked to two experts to get the facts straight.
Kicking It ...................................................................Just handing out methadone scripts to heroin addicts is never goingto work in the long term. We get into the heart of the community tond out what really works.
Love is the Drug......................................................Youre more likely to live longer and healthier if you have good lovingrelationships. As Saghir Ubhar know only too well.
Jordans Choice ................................................................................................................
Faced with medication side effects or a life in and out of hospital,Jordan faces some tough decisions in our new comic strip
Lion Kings ..........................................................................................................................Rastafarianism is about more than smoking spliffs and lying in hammocks.
Honour Bound...................................................................................................................Black people are not, on the whole, mentally well says Davy Hey. Discuss.
40 Shades of Green..........................................................................................................St Patricks Day saw Birmingham awash in green as people celebrated Irelands patron saint.
How Much?.......................................................................................................................With Economic Armageddon on the horizon, theres not a lot to laugh about. But we can try.
Prison Break .......................................................................................................................One prisoner explains how two hours with his family made the prison walls disappear.
State of Confusion.............................................................................................................Cannabis is legal right? No. It isnt. But it would help if the government would make its bloody mind up.
Friends in Low Places........................................................................................................Bipolar disorders are not just about good days and bad days. Its far more extreme.
Elian Lucas gives the low down on his balancing act.
Da Mans Dem ....................................................................................................................Metrics barbers on Dudley Road is more than just a place to get your haircut. With a pool table,
music and a gym it is a proper community centreFrom the Barbers Chair....................................................................................................Habz has been on Alum Rock Road for years. So its not surprising that hes got a thing ortwo to say about the health of the community.
Beats, Lyrics and Life........................................................................................................Local rapper Marcus Fletcher, aka Mike Dangerous talks to Barbershop about how thebeat keeps him going.
Poem.....................................................................................................................................by Carl Gillifan
Miss Lous Kitchen.............................................................................................................Tasty Saltsh Fritters are on the Barbershop menu.
Barbershop Launch...........................................................................................................Pictures from the launch of Barbershop Birmingham at The Drum.
28 BARBERSHOPBIRMINGHAM BARBERSHOPBIRMINGHAM29
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from thebarbers chair
during busy times.
What is the age and ethnicity of most of your
customers?
All sorts! I get Asians, White, Black, Chinese, eastern
European. I also get a lot of students, with the
college being quite close. I have customers from 0 to
over 60s. For newborns, disabled and people who
are sick I also do home visits.
You must make a lot of money shaving Asian
babies heads?
Thats good business! For an adult we charge a ver,
but a baby its ten pounds.
What kind of issues do men mostly talk about?
People talk about everything. Families, kids, football,
cricket, politics, family problems, credit crunch and
recession!
What does mental health mean to you?
When people have problems. And when people get
stressed from their missus!
What are you trying to say, all men are stressed
because of their wives?
No, but most of them! No, but if you have
problems at home, outside, workplace slowly, slowly
you become mentally ill PAGAL! When you are on
your own, you get depression. When youre mentally
ill, you just cant talk to people, cant socialise,
and cant work because your head is not thinking
straight. These days, when kids take drugs it affects
their mental health.
So many young lads are losing their hair and that
is really depressing for them! They come to me for
advice, but I dont know what to say, shave it off or
get treatment for hair plantation.
Youve got a lot of hair
Ive got plenty, I use a lo t of gel every single day, but
Im still ok!
Do you see any customers who have mental
health issues?
Yes, there are a few who, you know, has 10p less
(pointing to his head). Some people come to the
shop and ask me if they need a haircut? Im a
barber to cut hair. I just do what they say!
Why do you think men dont access health
services?
Waiting time! Doctors make you wait for ages! Or
if you ring for an appointment by the time they give
you an appointment youre better, theres no point.
How do you think men deal with stress?
Men just ignore everything and carry on! Or if
theyve got a problem they deal with it and nd a
solution.
How do you and men you know keep healthy?
I go to the gym and go running. People play sport
or some just dont do anything.
What did you think of the Barbershop Cup last
year?
Last year we had 12 teams. All customers who
went said they enjoyed it and had a good day out.
Have you had a good response for the
Barbershop Cup 09?
Yes! Weve ran out of applications, everybodys
been asking and theyre really looking forward to it.
Do you think youre teams have a good chance of
winning?
Denitely! Last year we were runners up, but this
year we are hoping to win! The cup will sit nicely on
my glass shelf.
AL-JUBAILS BARBERS HAS BEEN IN PRESTONFOR 10 YEARS. HAJ WENT DOWN TO TALK TOOWNER RIZWAN ASLAM ABOUT EVERYTHINGFROM CUTTING HAIR TO FOOTBALL
28 BARBERSHOPPRESTON
Where does the name Al_jubails come from?
Al-Jubail is a city on the Persian Gulf coast in Saudi
Arabia. I used to live there with my dad. We have 7
barbershops there, 3 of which are called Al-Jubail.
This is a franchise.
Were you there during the Gulf War in 1991?
Yes, during the war for a few weeks we went to
Mecca for safety and then came back. Life carried
on as normal. We werent scared, we just lived
normally.
What are the barbers shops like in Saudi?
Very posh! Sofas, relaxing atmosphere, we have
very rich customers. The chairs in this shop are from
Saudi.
At what age did you start barbering?
At the age of 20.
Do you enjoy your job?
Yes. I enjoy it more than Saudi, youve got freedom
here. Over there you cant do anything. There
wouldnt be any women coming into barbers shops!
How many people work at your shop?
I run the shop on my own, but I get few exi helpers
FROM THE BARBERS CHAIR
BARBERSHOPPRESTON28
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Standing Up
Rastafarianism is a religious-cultural
movement that began in the
1930s. It started in Ethiopia during
the coronation of the His Imperial
Majesty, Prince Haile Selassie I
on November 2, 1930. This wasno ordinary event because a year
earlier Marcus Mossiah Garvey had
a prophetic vision, of a king being
crowned in Africa.
Rastafarianism is known as the
religion of the poorer black people of
Jamaica. It is not only a religion but
also a way of life, and a stand against
poverty, oppression and inequality
of religious ideas as well as global
problems.
Out of Africa
Rastafarians believe that Haile
Selassie, also known as Ras Tafari
Makonnen, the last emperor ofEthiopia, is the Messiah. After his
coronation, several people searched
the Bible for conrmation of this and
found in the Psalms: A Prince shall
come out of Egypt, and Ethiopia shall
soon stretch out her hand unto Jah.
They believed the prophecy had been
fullled and these people were the
rst Rastafarians. There are now over
1 million Rastafarians worldwide.
Apart from carrying the legal title
King of Kings, Lord of Lords,
conquering Lion of the tribe of
Judah that is written in Revelations;
Haile Selassie is thought to be the
225th descendant of King Salomon,
son of David, and the Queen of
Sheba.
Traditions
Like any religion, Rastafarisum has its
own traditions
Dreadlocks have several meanings.
First, they are a part of the biblical
Nazarene vow, who forbids shavenand combed hair. (It is not the
dreadlocks that make someone a
Rastaman, as some Rastas dont
wear dreadlocks).
The locks, because of their
appearance, symbolize the roots
of the man, and his spirituality, the
connection with Jah. They can also
be seen as a symbol of the Lion.
Ganja - also known as hemp,
cannabis, or marijuana - is used as
a holy sacrament by Rastas in many
ways. The legend says that the Holy
Herb was found growing on King
Solomons grave.
Rasta ag. The red, gold and green
are the colours of the Rasta ag. The
red symbolizes the blood of black
people, the yellow the stolen gold
and the green the lost lands of Africa.
The Star of David is the symbol of
the link between His Imperial Majesty
Haile Selassie and King David. Also,
Rastas consider themselves like the
Israelites in exile in Babylon. The Star
of David is the symbol of Israel.
The Conquering Lion and the Lamb.
They both symbolize HIM Haile
Selassie according to the Revelations
and the opening of the seven seals.
They are two faces of a same reality,
the Alpha and Omega.
God is Black
The base of Rastafarian belief is
that Haile Selassie is the living
representative of God for the black
race. Ethiopia is believed to be
Rastas heaven on earth, where
there is no afterlife or hell. And thatJah (God) will send sign and help the
black exodus back to Africa.
Rastafarians use the same Bible as
Christians, with special reference to
the books of Genesis, Kings, Psalms
and Revelations. His Imperial Majesty
Haile Selassie also released a
version of the Bible based on ancient
Ethiopian scriptures.
When He died in 1975, his death was
not accepted by some Rastafarians
who could not accept that God
incarnate could die. Many believe
that it was a scam and that he will be
back to liberate his followers.
MENTION THE WORD RASTA, AND MOSTPEOPLE WILL PICTURE A STONED OUT JAMAICAN,LOUNGING ON A BEACH, STARING OUT ON THEOCEAN WITH A FOOT-LONG SPLIFF IN HIS MOUTH.HOWEVER, THERE IS MORE TO RASTAFARIANISM THAN
HAMMOCKS AND DREADLOCKS, AS BARBERSHOPSANGELA SIMMONDS EXPLAINS.
The Lion Kings
28 BARBERSHOPBIRMINGHAM BARBERSHOPBIRMINGHAM29
KING OF KINGS,
LORD OF LORDS,
CONQUERING
LION OF THE
TRIBE OF JUDAH
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THE REAL HEROES
OF TODAY ARE THE
PEOPLE WHO GO ABOUT
THEIR MUNDANE LIVESWITH A LONG LIST OF
BROKEN DREAMS AND
AMBITIONS
nomoreheroes
The modern day hero is a fucking disgrace. Petty
tabloid squabbles and the need for that precious 15
minutes of fame has destroyed the very ideals of
what a hero should be.
Todays youth are forced to acknowledge the heroes
of the past, rather than embrace the heroes of
today. And why is this? Quite simply, because therearent any.
Cult Icon
Cassius Clay is revered for being, arguably, the
greatest boxer of all time. But it was his actions out
of the ring that made him the cult icon that he was.
After changing his name and publicly declaring that
he had joined the Nation of Islam, Ali refused to go
to war in Vietnam. I aint got no quarrel with them
Viet Cong, he said.They never called me a nigger.
Had anyone else said that, the media would have
lambasted, harassed and victimised them. But
because it was Ali - because of his status - he
began to raise awareness in an America that
was blinded by censorship and ignorance. His
willingness to stand up for something he believed in
made him a Hero to millions.
TalismanThe same can be said of Nelson Mandela. The man
spent 27 years of his life imprisoned for resisting
the governments violence against his people. All he
(and others) wanted was for the Apartheid to come
to an end. For black people to be treated in the
same manner as whites.
With the luxury of hindsight, it is easy for us to hail
Mandela as the one person who brought about the
change in attitude towards black people. He wasnt.
But he was much more: He became a talisman. He
became the face of the black nation of South Africa.
He was an idol, and his imprisonment fuelled the
hope of others. Like Ali, he was willing to sacrice
himself for the benet of others. This makes him,
arguably, the greatest Hero to ever walk the planet.
Fast-forward to today, however, and the label of
Hero has been dragged through the dirt. To label
someone like Katie Price a Hero is quite honestly
abysmal. It is akin to dancing on John Lennons
grave, screaming racist slurs about Martin Luther
King. To associate the word Hero with anyone
who walks out of the Big Brother house is a crying
shame, and anyone who does so should be shot. In
the face.
Misplaced Admirations
So who is my Hero, you may ask? Well, as a young
child, my hero was Steve McManaman. He was
an enigmatic right-winger with a passion for direct,
attacking football. He is also (for my sins) the reason
why I am a diehard supporter of Liverpool Football
Club.
But as I grew up and matured (many would argue
otherwise) it quickly became apparent that having
a footballer as a hero was a mistake. That I had
misplaced my admirations.
This ultimately leaves people like me without a hero.
Were forced to look elsewhere. To nd someone
who can both excite us, and make us question
the very boundaries we set for our own lives. Theiractions, unbeknownst to them, shape our own.
Everyday Heroes
So where does this leave the youth of today?
With a hell of a lot to accomplish, Id say. They
have to become the new breed of Heroes. Theyre
going to have to draw inspiration from the real
heroes of today the people who go about their
mundane lives with a long list of broken dreams and
ambitions. The people who, even though they arent
happy with the way their lives have turned out, are
willing to carry on if it means that their children are
fed and happy.
It is easy for us to criticise, and it is easy for us to
heap praise on the people who dont deserve it. But
it is the people who dont get the recognition they
deserve that are the ones that we should be basing
our actions off.
Sure, its easy to follow someone in the media
limelight. But the real heroes are the ones behind
the scenes. The parents of the heroes. The very
people who have shaped the lives of the people
who we believe are important enough to base our
own lives off of.
So who is my hero today? Simple I am. Whatever
happens, I will always be there for the people
that need me. The denition of a Hero may have
changed since the days of Lennon and Ali, but the
message remains the same: Fight for what you
believe in.
28 BARBERSHOPBIRMINGHAM BARBERSHOPBIRMINGHAM29
HARD
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NO MORE HEROES
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During my sentence, I learned how
to do graphic design and achieved
quite a lot, winning exhibitions and
doing work for the prison. The
governor built a graphic design
department around me and a couple
of other lads.
For me, prison wasnt like prison. It
was like working away from home. I
went to work in the morning, doing
design for three prisons. Governors
and prison ofcers would phone and
come to see me all day with new
work.
Normality
This meant I maintained a sense of
normality. I was quite highly paid for
a prisoner and some governors paid
me in contraband like cigarettes,
coffee and chocolate. Then, in the
evening I went back to the wing and
theyll be talking about things I dont
have a clue about and its hard to join
in. I struggled on with it for a while,
then at Christmas I explained this to
my family and they try their hardest to
make me feel included.
Socialising with old friends is
difcult. I cant associate with a lot
of my old mates because of their
criminal activities. I cant afford to be
remanded for phoning them.
Other people I knew before I got
nicked dont seem to want to be
around me anymore. They knew
what I did but I guess when I got
caught it all became a bit too real. It
just conrms that when the shit hits
the fan, your true friends take it with
you.
Genesis
In September last year, I enrolled
in a business start up course
to get my design business -
Genesis2Revolution off the ground.
I couldnt believe it, everything I
worked for whilst I was in prison had
nally come together.
The business covers all aspects of
commercial design, in print or on the
web. So whether a client wants a
quick ier or a complete corporate
identity with logos, website,
business cards, letterheads and
catalogues etc - I can see the job
through from beginning to end.
The works coming in, but its slow.
This is thanks in part to HMP Kirkam
refusing to me copies of the designs
I did for them whilst inside. How can
they expect anybody else to give
ex cons a chance when theyre not
prepared to do so themselves?
Satisfaction
Years of being a manager in the
hospitality industry have taught me
how to keep hold of customers
and keep them happy. Its hard
at the moment, working 18 hour
days sometimes just trying to get a
potential client to come over to my
business. And you dont get paid for
those hours. But dont get me wrong,
its all worth it the moment one of
them says yes.
In some ways, getting sent down was
the best thing that ever happened to
me. Ive always had great, well-paid
jobs with the extra cash from the
drugs. But none of that compares
with the satisfaction I get from
working for myself. Id never be doing
this if I hadnt been sent to prison. Its
all there if you push hard enough for it.
had a crack with the lads. It was just
like working away from home.
Because of this, some of the lads
were a bit funny with me but f*ck
em, I wasnt going to be like them.
Ive been employed at a managerial
level since I was 18, so I had plenty
of experience of running a business.
And if you think about it, the dealing
was a business so you can add 13
years of that as well.
Life on the Outside
I was released from prison on the
23rd of July last year. I spent the rst
couple of months rebuilding links with
my family. The hardest thing for me
to get used to is being around my
family. Their lives have moved on and
Ive missed out on so much. I feel like
an outsider some times.
We get together as a family and
pixelpusher
NO MORE HEROES
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Old to New
My old life feels like somebody elses
sometimes. Im not that person
anymore. Dont get me wrong, I like
my new quiet life. Ive always worked
hard (it helps me ght my depression,
Im bipolar) and business is really
rewarding.
But the old life is hard to replace. The
big difference is that I can let people
know about this business. When
youre dealing, youre trying to keep
the amount of people you deal with
to a minimum, to minimises the risk).
But youve got to keep the people
that put out for you (customers)
sweet.
I learned early in my criminal career
never to be late with payment. In
the business Im in now if Im late
paying for something Ill get a few
polite but shitty letters informing me
of the potential consequences of non
payment. Thats a world away from
the steroid crazed enforcer with a
9mm who I always managed to avoid
by paying on time.
Crossover
Theres a crossover between being a
criminal and being an entrepreneur,
youd be surprised how similar the
mindset is. Its just a pity some of the
young lads that are working their way
up the criminal ladder dont realise
that theyre on a hiding to nothing.
Crime is now a mugs game. Theres
no loyalty anymore. The same people
you class as mates are probably
the ones thatll send you down.
If youre a criminal now, you cant
trust anybody and thats a lonely life,
believe me.
They need to see that their criminal
skills can earn them legitimate cash.
That they can spend freely, without
attracting police attention. Its all
there - the ability to read people,
supply and demand, market research,
working under pressure, cash ow,
customer services and dealing with
suppliers.
None of what Im doing would be
possible without my girlfriend. She
puts up with me when my mood
drops, she calms me when I get a bit
manic, she stood by me whilst I was
inside even though I told her to walk,
and she works hard round the house
so I can concentrate on the business.
She makes my life better in every way.
NO MORE HEROES
IF IM LATE PAYING FOR
SOMETHING, ILL GET A FEW POLITE
BUT SHITTY LETTERS. THATS A
WORLD AWAY FROM THE STEROID
CRAZED ENFORCER WITH A 9MM
WE ALL NEED TO GETTHINGS OFF OUR CHESTS
AT TIMES. SO IF YOUNEED SOME ADVICE,INFORMATION OR JUSTA POINTER IN THE RIGHTDIRECTION, PICK UP THEPHONE OR GO ONLINE.
SIGNPOSTS
Benet Enquiry Line
Free condential helpline giving general advice
and information about benets to people with
disabilities, carers or representatives
0800 88 22 00 (Freephone)
Monday - Friday- 8.30am - 6.30pm
Saturday9am- 1pm
www.direct.gov.uk
Samaritans
Condential 24 hour telephone and email service
giving emotional support to those going through a
crisis.
08457 90 90 90(national number)
08457 90 91 92(Textphones for the deaf and hard of hearing)
01772 822022 (local number)
Open
Call in 11am 9pm Mon to Sat
11 ST WILFRID STREET, PRESTON, LANCS, PR1 2US
www.samaritans.org
HopelineUK
HOPELineUK is a condential helpline service
staffed by trained professionals who can give
support, practical advice and information to
anyone concerned that a young person theyknow may be at risk of harming themselves.
08000 68 41 41 (Freephone)
Monday to friday- 10am - 5pm, 7pm - 10pm
Satday and Sunday- 2pm - 5pm
www.papyrus-uk.org
NHS Direct
Not just a telephone health line, NHS Direct also
offers out of hours support for GPs and dental
services, telephone support for patients with long-
term conditions, pre and post operative support for
patients, 24 hour response to health scares, and
remote clinics via telephone.
0800 88 22 00 (Freephone)
24 hours, 365 days a year
http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk
Everything you need to know about local support
services, all in one place
0500 639 000(Freephone)
Monday to Friday - 7pm - 11pm
Saturday & Sunday-12 noon to 12 midnight.
www.lancs-mentalhealthhelpline.nhs.uk
Lancashire Mental Health Helpline
MIND
Information and advice about all manner of things
relating to mental health.
0845 766 0163
Monday to Friday - 9am to 5pm
www.mind.org.uk
Lancashire Care NHS Foundation Trust
Specialist NHS mental health services for the people
of Lancashire.
01772 695300 (general enquiries)
01772 773400(local services)
http://www.lancashirecare.nhs.uk
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ITS STEEP, ITS COLD, AND THERE
IS FUCK ALL UP HERE!
and some litter.
Q3 ///How many Black people
have swum the English Channel?
Again, none. Why? Because it is too
fucking cold and there are t hings
called boats and planes that do
it much better than us. And dont
forget that old myth that Black
people dont swim because they
have heavy bones.
Bananas
Like many of my friends who are in
their late 30s early 40s, I dont eat
bananas in public. This is due to
the fact that, back in the day, only
Tarzans monkeys ate bananas.
Research has proven that just two
bananas provide enough energy for
a strenuous 90-minute workout. No
wonder the banana is the number
one fruit with the worlds leading
athletes. But I am still not eating one
in public.
Think Again
I hope that you have found the
beginning of the article amusing,
Celebrity Handbags
Another argument sorry,
discussion. Madonna and Angelina
Jolie. People are up in arms, because
these A list celebrates are adopting
poor Black children. I say good on
them.
Lets be honest. If youre in an
orphanage, its because no one
wants you. Your life expectation is
crap. And if good old Madonna or
Angelina Jolie came and wanted to
take you away, would you not go?
Damn right you would.
Celebrity handbag, but not a throw
away hand bag. Who give a shit?
As long as that child is given love,
support and a chance of a better life,
thats what should matter.
The fact is that Madonna, Angelina
Jolie and pretty boy Brad Pitt have
not only invested in t he children
that they have adopted. They have
supported the communities these
children have come from - building
homes and hospitals - something
these communities would never have
had the opportunity do before.
Respect Due
I have heard people talk about
whether Madonna can teach these
children about their culture. But I
thought to myself, the only culture
these children have right now is
poverty and hunger.
I also hear people saying she should
adopt children from America where
she is from. To me, this is just some
sort of code saying that she should
only adopt little white babies that look
like her.
Yes, I agree that Madonna should
pack up doing music and just grow
old gracefully. However, I think
Madonna, Angelina Jolie or anyone
else who has the compassion, the
love and the heart to raise a child that
is not their own should be applauded
not be made to feel like they are
trying to purchase Gucci bags
illegally from another country and sell
them cheaper in this country.
Madonna Respect Due!
No Limits
I started the piece talking about the
Olympics so I think that is where I will
end. The most decorated athlete from
the Beijing Olympics was ipper the
swimmer Michael Phelps, who won
an amazing eight gold medals.
But who is Cullen Jones? Well, hes
also a swimmer and he won a gold
medal in the 4x100m freestyle relay
in a world record t ime. And! Guess
what? He is Black!
Some people used to say Black
people dont play golf. Now there
is Tiger Woods. I, like many other
people, used to say that there would
never be a Black president of the
USA. Now we have Obama.
So really the point is that there is
nothing you cant do, whether youre
Black, white , green, red, pinkish,
brownish, olive with hint orange, blue,
purple, WHATEVER!!!!! Just give it a
try. Who knows, that action just might
save someones life or even change
the world.
but now I want to tell you about
something that is serious. Organ
donation. Many Black people think
that organ donation doesnt affect
them.
Think again. Why? Because, as
Black people, we are three times
more likely to need a kidney
transplant than the rest of the
population. Thats because we are
at greater risk of diabetes and high
blood pressure and these are a
major cause of organ failure.
The fact is that donated organs
need to be carefully matched to
the recipient to ensure blood and
tissue groups are compatible. But
there is a serious shortage of Black
donors. As a result, Black people
have to wait on average about twice
as long as a white person for a
kidney transplant. Right now over
620 Black people in the UK, some
of them small children are waiting
for a transplant. Some them will die
waiting. Thats denitely not funny.
While watching the 2008 Beijing
Olympics I like the rest of the world
was fascinated by the success of
Usain Bolt the 100 metre and 200
world champion. His grace and
speed was a pure joy to watch to
me the star of the Olympics, but
it also got me thinking about what
Black people dont do.
It is often said that Black people are
fast runners because it is in their
genes. I suggest that this training
started way back in the days of
slavery, when running away from the
those that tried to catch them was
a form of survival training. Or in my
youth, being chased by a bunch of
ag waving skinheads kept me t.
So let me pose to you a series of
questions!
Q1 ///Who is Cullen Jones?
Q2 ///Mountain climbing. Can any
of you think of any Black person
who has climbed Mount Everest?
Answer. None. Why? Because its
steep, bloody freezing and there is
fuck all up there apart from snow
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what women want?DOES YOUR BIRD DO THE FOLLOWING?/// WANT TO TALK WHEN MATCH OF THE DAY IS ON?
///GIVE YOU THE HUFF WHEN YOURE 5 MINUTES LATE
AND MAKE IT OUT THAT YOURE LATER THAN YOU
ACTUALLY ARE?
///GET ANNOYED WHEN YOU HAVENT GIVEN HER ANY
ATTENTION IN THE LAST HALF HOUR, THEN SAY,
YOURE GETTING BORED OF ME ARENT YOU?
/// QUESTION EVERY GIRL IN YOUR PHONEBOOK?
28 BARBERSHOPPRESTON
We dont know about you, but women confuse the
shit out of us. So we thought wed ask one to help
us out. Laura Molloy spills the beans on how to
keep your missus sweet.
We just like to keep you men on your toes. Really,
we do this for many reasons down to insecurities,
jealousy, wanting to be reminded that we look good,
or generally just to test you. YES we do test and
usually most of the time.
Most women dream of being treated like a princess
- wined and dined and, in our boyfriends eyes,
a sex goddess. I know you lads arent all that
romantic so just try your best, a compliment here
and there every now and again should keep her
smiling. Us birds are mostly happy when we know
that we are the centre of your lives.
Tell her that the way shes done her hair looks
nice or you like the colour of her nails. If you pick
a small detail it will appeal to her more because it
means you havent just pointed out the obvious.
Never make a big deal out of the fact youve just
complimented her, because this then leaves her
thinking yay hes noticed. Rather than fucks sake
he never notices.
Its not always the big things that you have to do
to make girls happy, its the smaller things that you
have thought a lot about. By the smaller things I
dont mean crap chat up lines, I mean make her
a meal or buy her a bunch of owers. Cmon lads
theyre only 3.00 from the local garage.
Send a nice txt, even you guys can string a few
gooey words together. Or if you feel that its too
soon for love texts, then just send her a text saying
something sweet like you cant wait to see her
tonight. We love to know we are on your minds
instead of the big boobed babe on the front of the
latest ZOO!
SURPRISES!! Women love surprises, owers,
chocolates, meals, candles, joint baths, planned
alone time, massages, going out etc. Its not hard to
run a bath, light a few candles and share the bath. It
might be uncomfortable and you might not like it but
youre doing it for her, so put a smile on your face
and pretend. She will love that youve done it and
then will surely return the favour, or better
Women are generally needy creatures, you men will
just have to accept it. If you follow these guidelines
shes sure to be putty in your hands!!
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The Flat Earthers claim that the earth
is disc-shaped. They say our planet
is 78,225 miles around the edge,
and 24,900 miles across. The North
Pole is at the centre. Around the rim
is a 150-foot-high wall of ice which
nobody has ever crossed. This ice
wall is south and, handily, preventswater and everything else from falling
off the edge.
So, why have none of us ever seen
this ice wall? Well, they claim it has
been concealed from the public by
an elaborate government conspiracy
and thousands of supersoldiers to
keep ordinary folk from getting close
to it.
Because of the Ice Wall, there is
obviously no South Pole, which will
upset the descendents of Scott of
the Antarctic who, it seems, died for
nothing.
Uphill Struggle
Contrary to popular opinion, medieval
people didnt believed the world tobe at. The Greeks knew the Earth
was a globe and even made accurate
calculations of the Earths global
circumference.
The whole Flat Earth thing really
kicked off in the 1800s, when
some dude called Samuel Birley
Rowbotham toured the country
lecturing on his Flat Earth theory.
He dazzled audiences with his
arguments that Earth was actually
a stationary disc, with the Sun
only 400 miles from London. The
disappearance of ships over the
horizon was, he said, just a trick of
the light.
The round Earth, he reckoned, was
just an unproven theory - a sinisterconspiracy by a bunch of mad
scientists, Hell-bent on undermining
Christian faith.
For its part, the Bible offers little to
help to the aspring at-Earther. But
that doesnt stop them trying.
The Flat Earth Liberation Front
Against Television say on their
website, Eve (the worlds free
markets) is tempted with an apple
(spherical Earth) by a talking snake
(wireless telecommunications).
It would be hard to imagine, they
explain, a more obvious explanation
of our at worlds tragic history of
corrupting spherization. Nutters. The
lot of them.
Earth Rise
If anything was going to kick Flat
Earth theories into touch, then itwould be the Apollo space missions
and, especially, the famous Earthrise
photograph. Not so.
The Flat-Earthers maintain - nay,
obsessively insist that the whole
Earthrise photo thing is a scam to
hide the reality that the planet is, in
fact, at. They think the image is fake
and part of a worldwide conspiracy
by space agencies, governments and
scientists.
NASA, they insist, did not send
rockets into space. Instead, NASA
spent the money on developing
computers and imaging software to
cover their lies. Their lies, in turn, are
to cover up their various shenanigansfor nancial gain, as James McIntyre,
a British moderator of a Flat Earth
Society forum, explains:
The space agencies of the world
are involved in an international
conspiracy to dupe the public for
vast prot. Although, if he knows
how NASA makes such vast prots
from their lies, he didnt say.
Mr McIntyre describes himself as
having been raised a globularist in
the British state school system. He
says the reactions of his friends and
family to his beliefs vary from sheer
incredulity to the conviction that its
all just an elaborate joke.
Proudly Prejudiced
People are denitely prejudiced
against Flat-Earthers, says John
Davis, a Flat Earth theorist from
Tennessee. Many use the term Flat-
Earther as a term of abuse, implying
blind faith, ignorance or even anti-intellectualism.
Mr Davis, a computer scientist,
believes the Earth is at and
horizontally innite - it stretches
horizontally forever. And it is 9,000
kilometres thick.
So, why do people persist in
thinking the Earth is at in the face of
substantial evidence to the contrary?
Is it all an elaborate hoax?
Burden of Proof
How many of us can give a scientic
explanation of why the Earth is a
globe and not at? Do we possess
enough knowledge to assess
accurately what scientists tell us
about the nature of the world?On some basic level, of course, a Flat
Earth makes sense. Our beliefs reect
a struggle between what we are told
about the natural world (that the Earth
is spherical), and the experience of
our senses (that the world is at). If
you walk outside, the earth certainly
doesnt look round.
Its always good to question how we
know what we know, but its also
good to have the ability to accept
compelling evidence - such as the
photographs of Earth from space.
http://www.thefatearthsociety.org/
forum/
mad worldSURPRISINGLY, THERE ARE A STILL A LOT OFPEOPLE WHO BELIEVE, TO THIS DAY, THAT THEEARTH IS FLAT. AND THEYRE NOT MESSING ABOUT.THE FLAT EARTH SOCIETY LAUGH AT PHOTOGRAPHS OF OURPLANET FROM SPACE AND SPIT ON SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE. THE
REST OF US, THEY CLAIM, ARE POOR, MISGUIDED FOOLS.
Flat Earth Explanations
Q:If the Earth is at, why cant we see over the horizon?
A:Air is not transparent
Q: On a Flat Earth map, it would take 16 hours to y from South America to
New Zealand. Why does it only take 6 hours?
A:Strong winds.
Q:If no one has seen this Ice Wall, how do you know it is there?
A:Because if it wasnt, the seas would drain off the side of the world.
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spank thebanksBY KEVIN RUSHTONWE LIVE IN HARD TIMES. UNLESS YOUREAN MP WITH A MOAT TO CLEAN, YOUREPROBABLY A BIT SKINT. SO HERE ARE 10 TOPTIPS ON KEEPING YOUR HEAD ABOVE WATER
AND SURVIVING THE CREDIT CRUNCH.1///Instead of buying expensive contact lenses, cut
out small circles of cling lm and place them on your
eyes. Problem solved.
2///Get down to DFS and check down the backs
of sofas. Theres an average of 20 quid lost down a
sofa a year, so they must be sat on a gold mine.
3///Petrol costs are ridiculous these days but
who wants to ride the bus? Well, Ive found a great
way to combine the two. Simply follow a bus that
is going to your nal destination and when it stops
jump out and attach a tow rope to the back of it,
hey presto free ride. Either that, or just push your
car to its destination.
4///Carpet costs about 40 quid a square metreand you only use the bit thats under your feet. The
rest of it is just wasted. So simply cut out two small
feet shaped sections and attach them to your feet.
5///If you really want to survive the credit crunch,
you cant afford to waste anything. So, become a
sperm donor. You only get 15 quid a pop but Ive
been earning a grand a week since I was 14.
6///Avoid those nasty 30 nes for using your
mobile whilst driving. Simply put your phone in a
large shell and then pretend youre listening to the
sea whilst cruising in your Punto.
7///Do you know how much it costs just to wipe
your arse each year? Me neither, but I bet its a lot.
So split your toilet paper into two and save.
8///You can boil an egg perfectly without the use of
an expensive egg timer. Just pop an egg in boiling
water and set off from your house at exactly 60
mph. After 3 miles, phone someone and get them to
take it out.
9///Sick of spending loads of money on people
for their birthdays or Christmas? Lighten yourload by simply Tippexing out the names in cards
that you receive and sending them back to them.
If they question you on it say youre saving the
environment.
10///Instead of taking expensive showers, get
down to KFC, grab a load of wet wipes and just give
them a run round the key areas.
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them because I like fantasy and
action. I love the creative storytelling
and the art.
Refrigerators
The reason why boys read more
comic books is like why more boys
watch action movies. The main
character is generally a man, which
allows the boy to relate more to the
character. But cant anyone relate
to a character without the gender of
that character making a difference?
Then again, if the female characters
werent always being stuffed intorefrigerators, maybe more girls
would read comics.
Female characters in comic
books are constantly being badly
represented, constantly being
overpowered by the male characters
because they arent powerful
enough. So they just become sexy
sidekicks.
Boys look up to their superheroes
the same way as anyone looks up to
role models. Its the old saying; boys
want to be him, girls want to be with
stories. Thats to each their own but if
I was suggest a few g ood reads, then
certainly, Death of Captain America is
without doubt one of the best stories
ever told.
Batman: The Laughing Joke is the
amazing comic The Dark Knight
was adapted off, and sure as hell it
is amazing. And of course Ultimate
Spider-Man. For those who like more
gore Venom Vs Carnage is a must
read.
Other comics Ive read are V for
Vendetta and Sin City, and hope to
pick up Alan Moores Watchmensomeday soon. Watchmen is actually
the rst movie to go all out with
female heroes really kicking some
butt, but the movie wasnt a great
success.
Sexism
With comic books such as Wonder-
Woman and Electra being rebooted
the percentage of female comic book
readers should increase immensely.
And now with this Minx run that DC
is writing, more and more women are
entering the business each day. So
the audience will most certainly grow.
A lot of people I talk to agree that
sexism in comics is a problem. If you
go on a superhero forum, the half
dozen guys already on there judge
you straight away. The representation
of women is bad, and it would be
benecial for the industry to have a
few more titles about super heroines.
Girls should be encouraged to read
comics from a young age, much like
boys. Maybe then, the entertainmentindustry would be more welcoming
to women working in it as well as
enjoying it as much as guys do.
him, or at least, girls want to be with
someone like him.
Spin Offs
There are many female superheroes,
Wonder-woman, Super-Woman,
Elecktra, Spider-Woman, Black
Cat, She-Hulk, Silver Sable etc.
the list goes on. But none of them
have managed to hold a decent
run yet either because the female
characters are just a spin off of the
male heroes, or they simply arent
interesting enough.
A damsel in distress! Thats original.How about having normal women,
with extra-ordinary powers like
Spider-Man or Batman? Thats what
I, and a lot of ot her girls want, and
that hasnt been done yet.
Maybe actually give her a bit of esh
so she doesnt look like shell snap
in half if she was real. Relatable.
Thats the one word theyve failed
on when it comes to female heroes.
Clich
People argue that comics nowadays
are full of clichs, and predictable
When boys hear that a girl like me
actually likes reading comic books,
their reaction is normally, What?!
A girl who reads superhero comic
books? Reality News fash: girls DO
read comic books.
I am in my last year of my teenage
life and I t horoughly enjoy reading
any comics from Spider-Man to
Buffy the Vampire Slayer to the
comic strips in this very magazine.
I grew up watching Spider-Man
cartoons when I was very young,
and that was what got me intocomics in the rst place. I loved
watching cartoons and have never
stopped loving the genre.
To be honest, Ive never been one
for female superheroes, but maybe
if there was a decent one, then that
might change my mind. It would
be nice to see a real super heroine
kick a few butts around now and
again, and take down the men a few
notches.
But for me, I dont read comic books
for the female characters. I read
not just aboy thingnot just aboy thing
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