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Another tool I have
an authority to Paul's new David to make Solomon
mentioned previously is the
convert Onesimus (the
rather than Adonijah (1
appeal.
21
The process of
runaway slave) that he would Kings 1:11-27). Moses
making an appeal is one of
accept him back and transfer
appealed to the Lord
not
several biblical resources
his debt to Paul's own
destroy His people
as
He
whereby a child (or anyone
account (philemon 10:19).
intended (Ex. 32:9-14).
in a position
of
Abigail appealed to David Hezeldah appealed to
Go
subordination) may protect
not to take his own
extend his life beyond wh
himself from abusive or
vengeance on her foolish
the Lord originally inten
tyrannical authorities. t s a
husband Nabal 1 Sam.
(2 Kings 20:3).
balance to the principle of
25:18-35). Abraham
The Appeal
and the
submission to authority
appealed to the Lord not to
Law of
the
House
taught in the Bible. Time and
destroy Sodom should he
Back
in
chapter two, I
space will not permit
find ten righteous inhabitants
development of other
explained a concept calle
The Law of the
resources and balances
House. Parents, as in this book.
But
the
r e m e m e ~ are to
appeal has been included
develop a set of hou
because
it
is especially
rules specific to thei
effective in dealing with
home situation deriv
angry children.
from their most sinc
The Scriptures
(Gen. 18:22-33). Judah
and diligent attenda
contain a good number of
appealed to the second most
upon the Scriptures. Thes
appeals made by various
powerful man in all
of
Egypt
rules fall into two distinc
individuals in different ways
(his
yet
uurevealed brother
categories: Biblically
for many reasons. Various Joseph) to let Benjamin Directed Rules which
words are used in Scripture
return to his father Jacob lest
believing children will
to convey the concept of an
Jacob die of
a broken heart
always be obligated
to
appeal. Nehemiah appealed
(Gen 44: 18-34). Jethro
follow because they are
to King Artaxerxes that he
appealed to Moses that he
directives commanded b
might rebuild Judah (Neh.
might delegate some of his
God in Scripture (e.g. yo
2:1-8). Daniel appealed to
judicial responsibility to
may not
lie, you may
no
his commander uot to be
other qualified men (Ex.
steal, you may not take y
forced to defile himself with
18: 17-27). David appealed to
own revenge, etc.) and
King Nebuchadnezzar's food
King Saul to allow im to
Biblically
Derived
Rule
and wine (Dan. 1:8-21). Paul fight with Goliath
1
Sam. those which the parents
appealed to a higher
17:31-37). David later
develop based on biblica
authority, Caesar, when
appealed to Saul to stop
principles
in
order to
Festus asked him
if
he would
pursuing (with the intent to
facilitate their own
like to be tried in Jerusalem
kill) him 1 Sam. 26:17-20).
obedience to the comman
(Acts 25:6-12). Paul also
Bathsheba, with a bit of And, fathers, do not
appealed to a subordinate,
prompting from Nathan the
provoke your children to
Philemon, who was himself prophet, appealed to King
anger; but bring them up
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the discipline and instruction
reasoning) that your child
Step 1. The instruction is
of
the Lord (Eph. 6:4).
believes you
as
his parent
properly 23 given by the
These house rules have
have not considered in
parent
been derived from Scripture
making a particular decision.
Step
2.
The instruction is
by you as a parent and your
Your child presents the new
properly acknowledged by
children ordinarily would not
information along with its
the child
be biblically obligated
to
biblical justification / Step
3.
A request
for
n
obey them. An example of a
benefits
Le.
why the Lord
appeal is properly made
by
biblically derived house rule
might be pleased with a
the child
would be: Because the
change of mind / decision)
Step 4. The appeal is
Bible says you must take
and without any further
care of your body 1 Cor.
pressure allows you to
properly acknowledged
by
6:19-20), and it is vain to
reevaluate your decision.
the parent
stay up late and rise early
This process allows parents
Step 5. The appeal is
(psalm 127:2), you may not
to change their mind without
made as additional
stay up past 9:00 p.m. on
having to sacrifice parental
information is presented to
weekdays, when you must authority.
It
also trains
m
parent by the child
get up the next morning at 6
children to communicate
Step 6. The parent
a.m. However, because such
desires biblically without
reconsiders his instruction in
rules have been established
resorting to disrespect,
light
of
he new information
by parents, and not by God,
manipulation and other
and grants or denies the
children are commanded by
manifestations of sinful
request
Scripture to obey them, but
anger.
Step
1.
The instruction is
only as long as they are
How to Make
an
Appeal
given by the parent.
lawfully under their parents
Biblical appeals, referred
A key implication of
authority.
to
in
Scripture by such words
Ephesians 6:4 is that parents
Your child may appeal a
as
petitions, requests, and
will by giving commands to
biblically derived rule.
supplications, were made in
their children. These
( Dad, there is a special
different ways by many
commands represent
program on television
individuals depending on the
decisions that have
tonight at 9 p.m. that my
personalities, positions and
(hopefully) been made
teacher suggested we watch.
circumstances of the
within the framework of
May I break curfew to see
individuals involved. The
Scripture, but as mentioned
it? On the other hand, your
following appeal process is
above, are not necessarily
in
child may never appeal a
one that has been devised for
and of themselves, biblical
directed rule. 22 ( Dad, is it
use by children with their mandates. Most parental
okay if steal a book from
parents. It is certainly not the
decisions and instructions
the library? )
only right way of malcing
will be of the Biblically
The basis
of
an appeal is
an appeal. I suggest it as a
Derived variety. Although
the presentation
of
new or
starting point from which
parents may not
have
a
additional information
parents may develop and fine
particular portion of
(preferably supported by a
tune a more personalized
Scripture in mind when
biblical desire and system for their children.
giving instruction, the
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command should be
your child further expresses
Perhaps i
you choose
a
consistent with the
humility, and submission to more gracious
way
to
"instruction
of
the Lord"
s
authority, communicating
approach
me, I
will
consi
found in the Bible with the that it is your prerogative
to
it
later.
(request
denied)
ultimate aim of developing
grant or deny the request.
Example:
Yes, you may.
Christ-like character in the This further prepares the
(request granted)
child.
Example: I want
you
parent's heart for objectively Step 5. The appeal is
to be in bed
by
9:00
p.m.
considering the appeal. A
made as
new
informatio
tonight.
child's voice of wording is
is presented to the parent
Step 2: The instruction is
very important at this point.
the child.
aclmowledged by the child.
He is humbly requesting
This new information
A child respectfully
permission to make an
should include facts that
affirms that he both
appeal not questioning or
your child believes you
understands and intends to
challenging a parent's
should consider; informa
obey the instruction, thus
decision. Acceptable phrases
that your child believes y
placing himself in the best
include: "May I please
did not consider in makin
possible position to make an appeal?", "Would you permit the original decision.
It m
appeal. This step, in addition
an appeal?", "May I be
be information that was n
to demonstrating the
allowed to appeal?", or
Imown to you when
you
f
attitudes of honor and
"May I submit an appeal?"
considered the matter bei
obedience, tends to disarm
Example:
I
have new
appealed.
parents from unnecessary
information. May
I
make
an
It was apparent to Esth
defensiveness (pride), anger,
appeal?
that King Ahasuerus did n
and fear of being
Step 4. The appeal is
mow that Esther was a Je
manipulated that might
ac mowledged by the parent.
when he gave Mordecai
otherwise hinder objective
f you believe it necessary
permission to annihilate t
consideration
of
the appeal.
to hear the appeal, you may
Jews (Esther 2:20; 7:3,4)
"The wrath of a king (or an
do so. Indeed, the parent
was apparently new
authority, i.e. parents) is s
would be a fool not to listen
information to Philemon
messengers of death, Bnt a
to an appeal that has been
Onesimus had become a
wise man will appease it"
properly made. "The wisdom
Christian through Paul' s
(prov. 16:14). Example:
from above
is
... reasonable
influence and had begun
"Dad, I understand that you
(easy to be entreated. IUV)"
minister to him (Phil. 10:
would like me to be
in
bed
(James 3:17). If however,
Judah apparently
by
9 p.m. tonight (and I
the appeal has not been made
perceived that it was new
intend to
do
so.)"
correctly (Prov. 26:4), tlle information
to
Joseph tha
Step 3. A request for an
child has begun
to
abuse the
Benjamin's father loved h
appeal is made by the child.
appeal process, or time will
so
much that
he
feared fo
By asking permission to
not allow an appeal at that
his life should Benjamin
make an appeal, (much like
moment, you may decline to
return (Gen. 44:19-32).
Esther did when she
hear it. Bxample: Son,
that
It was apparently new
presented herself before
is
not the
way
you
were information to King Saul
Ahasuerus; Esther 5:1-3),
taught
to
address your
father.
David had killed a wild b
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with his own hands
(1
Sam.
you might consider
Step
2.
The instruction is
17:34-36).
postponing the final verdict
acknowledged by the child.
New information includes
until you have thought it
"Yes
Ma'am
I realize
that
such things as an
el>. Pressed
through more thoroughly.
my room needs attention
conflicting desire of another
Example: "Yes you may
immediately .. "
authority figure (Le. parent,
watch the program after you
Step 3. A request for an
teacher, etc.), information have showered, brushed your appeal is made by
the
child.
that the parent would have
teeth, and
put
on your
"But, would you permit
pajamas so that you will be
no other way of finding out,
me to malce an appeal?"
and biblical arguments for
able to go to bed
considering another course
immediately after the
Step 4. The appeal is
of
action which would better
special." Example: "No,
acknowledged
by
the parent.
glorify God. Example: My
your mother and I made
"Go ahead."
teacher told us two days ago
plans to do something else
Step 5. The appeal
is
that a television special
tonight that w ll require our
made as additional data are
about
the
Civil
War
will be
not being distracted.
Had
presented to the parent by
on
tonight at
9
p.m. She
you told one of us about the the child.
suggested that ifwe were
program when you first
''Last night
Dad
asked
me
permitted to watch it, it
learned of it two days ago,
to wash his pick-up today. f
would help
prepare
us for the
we would have made other
I follow your instructions
lesson
tonwrrow. May
I
arrangements. I'm sorry,
but
first and attend
to my
room,
please stay
up
to
watch
the
I'll have to deny your
by the time I finish, it will
be
program?
request." Example:
dark. Dad
doesn't
think I do
Step 6.
The
parent
(Postponement) "Your
a good job washing his car
reconsiders his instruction
in
mother and I have made
after the snu goes down
light
of
the new information
other plans tonight that will
because I can't see as well.
require our not being Would
it be
all
right
i f
Iand grants or denies the
distracted. Why
don't
you
washed the care frrst, then
request.
prepare for
bed
so that your
worked
on my room?"
By this time you can
mother and I will have some
Step 6. The parent
usually evaluate the
time to discuss the matter
reconsiders his instruction in
additional data on their own
between ourselves. ViThen
light
of
the new information.
merit (and in light
of
the
you've finished we will let
Scriptures) without the
you know what we've
"I've got a better idea
distraction of typical
decided."
You may wash my car and
concerns such as disrespect
Dad's car now. Then after
The following example
supper
I'll
help
you
clean
and manipulation. Should further illustrates proper your
room."
you grant the appeal you can
employment of the appeal
Guidelines
For
xplain your reasoning to
process.
Making an Appeal
your child without being
distracted by the same
Step 1. The instruction is
Guideline 1. An appeal
given by the parent.
problems.
f
you cannot
may only be made to the
think
of
a good (biblical) .
"Go upstairs and clean parent who is presently
reason to deny the request, your room."
giving the instruction.
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To do otherwise would be
whilling, sarcasms, etc., are you and ultimately from
manipulative. It would also
not accepted. Rather, your
sovereign Lord Himself
be disruptive
of
parental child should be warned that
(Rom 13:1,2; Col. 3:20;
unity (Gen 2:24) and he is violating biblical
6:1).
f your
child
canno
contradictory to the principle
principles
of
communication persuade you to reconsid
of parental authority (Gal.
and disciplined accordingly. his position after one ap
4:1,2).
In
some cases, a trip to The
he
is
t
conclude that
it
One parent should not
Think Room would even be
apparently God's will"
entertain appeals from a
in order. I any event, the
Pet.
2:13-15)for him
to
child who has been
appeal should not be follow your instruction.
instructed by another parent
considered until your child
Knowing iliat he only ha
unless it is impossible for the
has corrected inappropriate
one chance"
to
approac
child to respond directly to
attitudes.
When
appealed to
you, should motivate im
the instructing parent. A
in a disrespectful or
give it his best effort."
child who attempts to
attempt may inv
do so should be sent
doing any
immediately back to appropriate rese
the instructing parent
before hand,
for consideration of
working
on
the appeal (and
(practicing if
possible
necessary) the
consideration of
development of
disciplinary
proper wording
consequences for violating
. unsubmissive manner, you
of
voice
and
non-verbal
this guideline).
may respond as follows:
If
communication, and wa
Guideline 2. An appeal
you
can
put together a more for
the best
time (like E
will only be considered by
respectful
way
to make your did)
to
make
ilie request
the appropriate parent if the
appeal, I
may
consider it. Hasti ly made appeals of
child's verbal
and
non-verbal
Until you do, I will have to result in declines where
communication reflect both
deny your request. Any more thought-out appea
submission to and respect for
further disrespect will result tend to be more success
authority.
in appropriate disciplinary
Guideline 4. An appe
All appeals should be
consequences. Do you
to be considered a privi
understand?"
made using such words,
that must be earned rath
tones of voice, and non-
Guideline 3. An appeal than an unalienable righ
verbal communication (refer may only
be
made one time.
The
privilege
of
an a
to me communication pie in
By multiple appeals (i.e.
should come only to chi
chapter three) that shows
"But, Mom, pleeeeease "
who have faithfully
parental respect and "Why?"; "Well, then can
demonstrated
submission (Eph. 6:1,2).
I 7") your child trustworthiness. Childre
Thus, appeals attempted with
demonstrates an whose decisions are
manifestations of sinful unwillingness to graciously
characterized by wisdom
anger, pouting, sulking,
accept a
no
answer from. earn
the
respect necessa
14
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be entrusted to make an
analogy - employers)
no
answer to prayer from
appeal. Children who
according to the flesh (Eph.
God. They should learn to
characteristically make
6:5); and as a general rule, -
think,
If
I
cannot persuade
foolish choices are probably
Christians are to be subject
my parents to change their
. not
trustworthy enough
to
to one another in the fear
of
mind after one
well thought
make
appeals in a proper
Christ (Eph. 5 :21).
out, respectful appeal,
then
I
manner (let alone with the
Since the ability to make
must conclude
that it
is
proper motives). The Bible
an effective appeal is crucial
apparently
not God's
will
for
warns against placing
to any interpersonal
me to
get
what I
want
at this
confidence in unfaithful men
relationship involving
point in time. He is
(Prov. 12:19). Children who
authority, training children
sovereignly working through
abuse the appeal process by
how to appeal to their
my parents to
conform
me to
making so many appeals that
parents helps prepare them
the image of His Son. I
will
appealing becomes more of a
for lifelong success in such
be thankful for this denied
patteru than obedience or
relationships. This character
appeal and cooperate
with
who constantly violate any
training also teaches
them
His sanctifying work in my
of the four guidelines should
how to obey -
Let
your
life.
Q
likely be suspended
speech always be with grace,
21 This
chapter contains
temporarily from appeal
seasoned (as
it
were) with
concepts that have been adapted
privileges.
salt, so that you
may
know
and
expanded
from Growing
Every Christian finds
how you should respond to Kid's God's Way by Gary and
himself in subordinate
each person (Col. 4:6).
Ann
Marie Ezzo. Used by
positions at various times in
Finally, there is something
permission.
his life. Many of these
that is even more important
22 They may,
however, appeal
relationships are ordained by
than teaching children
how your
interpretation that a
God, and submission by the
to make a gracious appeal.
particular behavior violates a
subordinate to the superior,
That
is teaching them how to
biblical prinCiple.
is required
by
Scripture.
graciously accept an appeal
23 Properly means in
Christian wives are to be
that has been denied.
biblical
manner. It means that
submissive to their own
Perhaps you've never
the
speaker's communication
does
husbands cf. 1 Peter 3:1).
considered the fact that many
not
violate
any
biblical directive
Church members are told,
of the prayers in the Bible
about communication.
The
Obey
your (church) leaders
are really appeals to God to
speaker's
words, tone of voice,
and submit to them (Heb.
change circumstances. Yet
and non-verbal communication
13: 17), Christian citizens are
the attitude of the one
reflect
grace,
respect and the
commanded to
be
in
praying is often Not my
appropriate submiSSion to
subjection to the governing will
but
Thine be done. I
authority. ee Chapter Three for a
authorities (Rom 13: 1),
believe that one of the most
more
detailed review.
believing slaves (and by
vital elements of teaching
Printed by permission of
application- believing children how to appeal is
r
employees) are to
be
teaching them how to view a
Calvary Press Publishing, Box
805; Amityville, NY 11701; (800);J
obedient to those who are denial from their parents in
their masters (and
by
much the same way as a
789-8175.
AprilJMay,
1998'1' TIiECOUNSEL of Chalcedon
1' 15
,
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.
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