1
Dating & Relationships 101:
Part 1
Sponsored byKCC Student Success Peer Mentors &
Violence Prevention Task Force
KCC Peer Mentors will discusshow to be "date safe", recognize warning
signs& have a great dating experience.
2
• The Student Success Peer Mentor Program’s mission is to navigate students through their journey to succeed at KCC in all aspects of student life, including academics, extracurricular & personal well-being.
• KCC’s Violence Prevention Taskforce mission is to provide prevention education & services to create a safer, more informed campus community.
3
Did You Know That… _ ___ • __ _______ ______ _____ _______ _______ ___ ___
__ ____ ____ __ __________ ____ __ _ ____ __ _______ _________ _______ _______ _____
_ _____ • _ _____________ ________ _____ ________
__ ______ ____ ___ ________ ____ _______ ___
_ _______ • ____ __ _______ ________ __________ ________
_______ ________ ______ __ ____________ _______
In the U.S…• 1 in 4 victims report being stalked through the
use of some form of technology (such as e-mail or instant messaging). – Stalking Resource Center, 2009
In Hawaii…• In 2009, approximately 400 forcible rapes
occurred – up almost 10% from the previous year. – Honolulu News
In Colleges… • About 50% of college students experience
intimate partner violence. – Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 2010
4
What is a “Relationship”?
“The way in which two or more people or groups regard & behave towards each other” (Oxford English Dictionary, 2010).
• For our presentation, we will be focusing on intimate partner relationships.
• The term “intimate partner” includes current & former spouses & dating partners (Centers for Disease Control & Prevention, 2009).
5
Before the First Date…
Sun & Sky are planning to go out on a first date. They met on campus, had a brief conversation & felt a “connection.” They exchanged phone numbers & made plans to meet for a casual lunch. They are both excited, but nervous.
• What do you think they should wear?
6
Dressing for a First Date
What’s your impression?
3 4 521
7
1
2
3
5
Dressing for a First Date
What’s your impression?
4
8
What You Need to Know• What you wear may send different
signals to your date.
• Wearing too short skirts or shorts, widely open-necked tops, exposed underwear & so forth may give the “wrong” impression.
• You have the right to dress the way you choose, but be conscious & aware of the messages it may be sending to others & be prepared to deal with it.
9
Safety Tips Before the First Date
• Obtain information about the person ahead of time.
• Consider going out with a group.
• Meet in public & agree to meet your date there.
• Let someone know the place & time of your date.
• Carry cash & a cell phone.
• Avoid being ALONE.
10
The Date…• Sun & Sky followed all of the
safety dating tips that their friends gave them before their first date. Sun & Sky have just met at a cozy cafe’ & are now having a nice, casual lunch.
• What are some safety tips that they should be thinking about while they are on their first date?
11
Safety Tips on the First Date
• __ __ ____ ___ ____ _____________
• ____ ____ _________
• __ _________ __ ____ ____ _ ____ ________ ________
• __ _______ ___________ __ _____
• ___ __ ___ __ ____ _____
• _______ _____ ___ _______ ____
• __ _ _____ ___ ____ ________ ___________
• Say “no” when you feel uncomfortable.
• Trust your instincts.
• Pay attention to your date’s body language & behavior.
• Use alcohol responsibly (if legal ).
• Keep an eye on your drink.
• Consider using the “20 minutes rule”.
• Don’t share too much personal information.
Safe Topics to Discusson the First Date
• Where did you grow up?
• What do you like to do?
• Are you in school?/Do you work?
• Have you travelled anywhere?
• What do you like to eat?
• What kind of music do you like?
12
Tips for Safe Conversations
• Do not interrogate your date – the person may get defensive/angry.
• Keep the conversation “light” – giving too much information may compromise your safety or your intentions may be misperceived .
• Pay attention to “red flags” in your date’s verbal & non-verbal communication. 13
14
Ending the Date…
• Sun & Sky had a great time. They both want to see each other again. They are trying to figure out how they should end the date.
• Should they hug or kiss, shake hands, wave, or just say “thank you?”
15
Suggestions After aGreat First Date
• Do what makes both of you feel comfortable.
• Don’t feel pressured into taking it to the “next level.”
• Go home separately.
• Follow-up with your date if you’re interested in meeting again.
16
Suggestions After aNot-So-Great First Date
• Be aware that your date may perceive the outcome of the date differently from you.
• Be honest yet tactful about the date.
• Be firm in your response if your date is persistent.
• Do what feels comfortable for you.
17
Dating for a While…
• Sun & Sky have been dating for almost two months. They are wondering if their relationship is healthy or unhealthy…
18
Healthy or Unhealthy?
• Sky often tries to change the way Sun looks or acts.
• Sun gets angry & jealous when Sky talks to other classmates, but this makes Sky feel wanted & special.
• Sky constantly checks up on Sun throughout the day.
19
An Update on the Relationship…
• Sun & Sky are approaching their six-month anniversary. As their friend, you are happy to know that their relationship has lasted this long. However, Sun just informed you that their relationship is becoming unhealthy.
• As a friend, what can you do to help Sun?
20
Tips on Helping a Friend in an Unhealthy Relationship
• Listen. – “I believe you.”
• Acknowledge. – “No one deserves to be hurt.”
• Express Concern. – “I am concerned for your safety.”
• Respect Their Choices. – “It’s important for you to make decisions that are best for you.”
• Be Supportive. – “You are not alone. I am here for you.”
• Remain Objective. – “Do you honestly think their behavior is acceptable?”
• Provide Encouragement. – “There are many resources that are anonymous & confidential.”
21
Community Resources(refer to Emergency Contact card)
• Domestic Violence Action Center 808-531-3771
• Aloha Pride Center (support for LGBTI) 808-545-2848
• Sex Abuse Treatment Center 808-524-7273
• Na Loio (legal advice for immigrants)808-847-8828
• National Domestic Violence Hotline1-800-787-3224 TTY 1-800-787-3224
22
KCC Resources• Counselors & Instructors
• LGBTI Campus Contact:Melvin [email protected]
• Confidential Peer Educator Email: [email protected]
• Campus Security:734-9900
Sun & Sky Now…
• Sun & Sky realized they were having relationship problems, so they decided to seek help through counseling & support groups.
• Let’s discuss some guidelines that they learned…
23
24
What’s an Unhealthy Relationship?
When partners…• constantly nag or criticize each other.
• threaten or intimidate one another verbally.
• will not accept breaking up.
• use sex as a “bargaining chip.”
• abuse drugs or alcohol or pressure the other partner in to using them.
• insist on gaining access to private & social media accounts.
25
What’s a Healthy Relationship?
When partners…• encourage shared & separate
friendships.
• treat themselves & each other with respect.
• do not use manipulation to get what they want.
• trust each other & are trustworthy.
• make positive statements about each other’s strengths & achievements.
• feel safe with one another.
Stay Tuned…Join us for
Dating & Relationships 101: Part 2
KCC Peer Mentors will explore the impact of healthy & unhealthy
relationships beyond the dating stage.
Thursday, February 141:15 pm-2:15 pm
Lama 11826
Questions?
Thank you for coming!
27
Top Related