You Wouldn't Want To Be A Shakespearean Actor! Bonus Features

Teachers’ Information Sheet by Nicky Milsted

It is the late 16th century, and the book follows the fortunes of ayoung boy who aspires to be an actor. He lives just outside London,in Shoreditch, where a new playhouse has just been built by JamesBurbage for his company of actors. The company also includes anupcoming and talented playwright called William Shakespeare.

After hanging around the theatre and volunteering as an ‘extra’ toplay small background roles – much to his parents’ disgust – the boyis offered an apprenticeship with the company. He soon learns,however, that life as part of Burbage’s company is not easy. Thereare errands to run, costumes to try on, hours of rehearsals and endlesslines to learn. The boy is trained to take on the female parts in theplays. He learns to walk, talk and even dress like a lady because women don’t act in the theatre in the 16th century.

An outbreak of plague in 1597 sees the company’s theatre closed to try and halt the spread of thedeadly disease; the company takes to the road to try and earn money by putting on plays in othertowns. But it is a difficult time for the company. They are turned away from many places andhave little to eat and nowhere, other than in barns or underneath their wagon, to sleep. When theyreturn to London, they are thrown out of their theatre and have to club together to build a newtheatre, which is called the Globe. This later burns down!

So although on the face of it life on stage sounds glamorous, it is clear that You Wouldn’t Want toBe a Shakespearean Actor!

Who was William Shakespeare?

William Shakespeare was born in 1564 in Stratford-upon-Avon in England. He remains the mostfamous writer that has ever produced works in English. He wrote around 38 plays – the exactnumber is still debated! – and more than 150 sonnets (which are a type of 14-line poem).Shakespeare’s plays have been performed more often than those by any other writer. They havebeen made into countless films and TV adaptations, as well as inspiring other works of literatureand art. Shakespeare’s work has been translated into at least 80 different languages (includingStar Trek’s Klingon!).

In the later 16th century, Shakespeare left Stratford-upon-Avon and moved to London, where he joined ‘The Lord Chamberlain’s Men’, the acting company of Richard Burbage. He wrote the majority of the plays performed by the company, as well as appearing in them as an actor too.When James ascended to the throne after the death of Elizabeth I in 1603, the company was given royal patronage and became ‘The King’s Men’.

You Wouldn’t Want to Be a Shakespearean Actor!

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Shakespeare’s plays included history plays about England’s kings, such as Henry V,comedies like As You Like It, and tragedies including Romeo and Juliet and Hamlet.

Shakespeare is credited with introducing a large number of words and phrases into the Englishlanguage that are still used today. Examples include:

● A foregone conclusion (from Othello)● A sorry sight (from Hamlet)● All of a sudden (from The Taming of the Shrew)● Dash to pieces (from The Tempest)● Good riddance (from Troilus and Cressida)

Shakespeare retired from his life on the stage and as a playwright in around 1613, and returned toStratford where he died in 1616. Famously his last will and testament included the gift to hiswife, Anne Hathaway, of his ‘second best bed’!

Activity 1: Life as an apprentice

Life as an apprentice in a Tudor theatre would have been hectic. The boy in You Wouldn’t Want toBe a Shakespearean Actor lives with the Burbage family, but has to do chores to earn his keep.Alongside his acting, he spends his time fetching and carrying, moving props around, and helpingto clean up the theatre after the performances. He also has lengthy rehearsals to attend, and lots oflines to learn and remember – for between 50 and 100 different roles in as many as 40 differentplays! It would be really tricky to remember which lines were from which plays. The boy usuallyplays women’s roles (because women aren’t allowed to act). This makes costume fittings aparticularly long and unpleasant experience; he is forced into a metal corset and a metal-hoopedunderskirt called a farthingale before donning an elaborate dress and wig!

Challenge your pupils to imagine that they are an apprentice in a Tudor theatre. Ask them to writea letter home to their parents describing their daily life. What do they most enjoy about their lifein the theatre? What is the most difficult, boring or unpleasant task that they have to undertake?What do they miss from home?

Your pupils could also prepare an itinerary or daily schedule for an apprentice using the activitysheet. It would have been a day packed with rehearsals, errands and learning lines.

Activity 2: A poster for a play

Publicity is really important when it comes to putting on a play – both in Shakespeare’s times andtoday. Can your pupils research a Shakespearean play of their choice, and design a poster toadvertise a modern performance of it? You may like to provide a selection of recent play postersfor your pupils to analyse first. What elements are important on a publicity poster?

Talking point: how do your pupils think that plays may have been advertised in Shakespeareantimes? (See also Activity 3: The company parade) ©

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Extension activity: 2016 is the 400th anniversary of William Shakespeare’s death. Challenge your pupils to design a poster or piece of artwork to mark this anniversary.

You could ask your pupils to think of ways that the anniversary could be celebrated – would theywant to put on a Shakespeare festival, create a modern musical montage of some of his mostfamous lines, or nominate ‘National Speak-like-Shakespeare Day’ for charity for example?!Encourage your pupils to be imaginative and creative with their ideas! Can they ‘sell’ theiranniversary idea to their classmates?

Activity 3: The company parade

When Shakespeare’s company, the Lord Chamberlain’s Men, is forced to leave their theatre andLondon during an outbreak of Bubonic Plague (the Black Death) in 1597, they take their plays ontour. When they arrive in a new town, it is important for the company to make sure that everyoneknows they have arrived and create enough excitement to ensure that people living in the townattend their performance.

The members of the company would take part in a company parade through the streets showingoff their acting and singing skills. Some of the company may have played musical instruments;others may have juggled or shown off acrobatic skills.

Challenge your class to put on their own company parade! They could work together or in smallgroups. They might like to compose and perform a song about why people should come andwatch them perform. They may like to choreograph a dance routine, or perform lines from one ofShakespeare’s plays.

Why not try… performing your parade for an invited audience of parents?

Activity 4: Shakespeare’s language

Lots of common phrases in the English language today were first used by Shakespeare.

Begin by challenging your pupils to match the modern English explanations of some (or all) withthe Shakespearean phrases on the activity sheets. Can they write sentences of their own thatinclude the Shakespearean phrases?

Why not try… a game of Shakespeare phrase bingo? Each pupil should choose nine phrases fromthe activity sheets to include in their blank grid on the ‘Hark you!’ activity sheet. Read out theShakespeare phrases one at a time at random to complete a game of bingo. For Shakespeareanauthenticity, rather than using ‘bingo’ as the winning call, use ‘hark you!’ It was used byShakespeare in his plays as a means for a character to attract the attention of others. For example,in Hamlet, Hamlet encourages Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to listen to him by saying: “Harkyou, Guildenstern – and you too – at each ear a hearer”

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Extension activity: with more able pupils, or once you have played a simple game of Shakespeare phrase bingo and your pupils are confident that they know the phrases, try using the modern English explanations, rather than the phrases themselves.

When your pupils are very familiar with the phrases, you could even try playing Shakespearephrase bingo by just calling out the names of Shakespeare’s plays and matching phrases to theplays that they were used in!

Research challenge: Shakespeare wrote large sections of many of his plays using rhymingcouplets and iambic pentameter. Can your pupils use the internet to help them to find out whatiambic pentameter is? They could even try writing some of their own rhyming couplets in iambicpentameter!

Extension activity: alongside his plays, Shakespeare wrote over 150 sonnets. These are a type of14-line poem with a structured rhyming pattern, written in iambic pentameter. One ofShakespeare’s most well-known sonnets, known as Sonnet 116, is reproduced below (and on theactivity sheet). This poem is still read regularly at weddings today. Can your pupils work out therhyming pattern? When reading it aloud, can they hear the rhythm of the iambic pentameter?

Let me not to the marriage of true mindsAdmit impediments. Love is not loveWhich alters when it alteration finds,Or bends with the remover to remove:O, no! it is an ever-fixed mark,That looks on tempests and is never shaken;It is the star to every wandering bark,Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeksWithin his bending sickle’s compass come;Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

If this be error and upon me proved,I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Challenge your pupils to try and write their own sonnets. Remember that they must follow the ‘dadum, da dum, da dum, da dum, da dum’ rhythm of iambic pentameter, and must have a regularrhyming pattern too!

Activity 5: Play scripts

Take a section from a Shakespearean play of your choice and encourage your pupils to look athow play scripts are set out. Can they spot elements such as scene setting and stage directions?How do you know which character says which words? Are there clues about how words shouldbe spoken?

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Either: challenge your pupils to create their own play script of a simple story (you could pick a well-known fairy story such as Goldilocks and the Three Bears)

Or: ask your pupils to annotate a section from a Shakespearean play, identifying the differentelements of the play script. Can they write a play script in modern English retelling the action anddialogue from the section of the Shakespearean play?

Activity 6: Memorising lines

Learning and remembering lines was one of the hardest elements of being a Shakespearean actor.Shakespeare’s plays included long monologues (speeches by one character, often reflecting ontheir own feelings or motivations) as well as lots of complicated interaction between characters.

Challenge your pupils to memorise a monologue from one of Shakespeare’s plays. A good choiceis the ‘Seven ages of man’ speech from As You Like It (Act II Scene VII) which begins with thefamous line “All the world’s a stage” (reproduced below, and on the activity sheet).

All the world’s a stage,And all the men and women merely players;They have their exits and their entrances,And one man in his time plays many parts,His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,Mewling and puking in the nurse’s arms.Then, the whining school-boy with his satchelAnd shining morning face, creeping like snailUnwillingly to school. And then the lover,Sighing like furnace, with a woeful balladMade to his mistress’ eyebrow. Then, a soldier,Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard,Jealous in honour, sudden, and quick in quarrel,Seeking the bubble reputationEven in the cannon’s mouth. And then, the justice,In fair round belly, with a good capon lined,With eyes severe, and beard of formal cut,Full of wise saws, and modern instances,And so he plays his part. The sixth age shiftsInto the lean and slippered pantaloon,With spectacles on nose and pouch on side,His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wideFor his shrunk shank, and his big manly voice,Turning again toward childish treble, pipesAnd whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,That ends this strange eventful history,Is second childishness and mere oblivion,Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything

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Learning lines is a skill that requires a lot of practice. Our top ten tips below will help your pupils – which method do they find helps them most?!

You Wouldn’t Want to Be… Memorising Lines! – our Top Ten Tips!

1) Read out loud – read the passage that you are trying to memorise out loud.Repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat! And then, repeat again!!

2) Add a little bit at a time – don't try to memorise the whole passage at once.Work in small chunks and you'll find it easier to learn. With the ‘Seven agesof man’ speech, you might like to work on each ‘age’ separately.

3) Record your lines – try using an MP3 player, mobile phone or computer torecord you saying the lines aloud. Replay this recording to yourself whenyou are doing other things.

4) Write down your lines – writing and rewriting the lines out on paper by hand(or typing them on a computer repeatedly) can help you to remember them.

5) Move around as you memorise – it is much easier to remember lines if youadd in movement at the same time. Use gestures or different movements whenyou say particular words or phrases. In the ‘Seven ages of man’ speech, youcould associate a different gesture or movement with each ‘age’.

6) Use visualisation – think about pictures or people when you are sayingyour words. Can you imagine the person as each of the seven ages fromthe speech? What would they look like? Linking a picture in your mindwith the words will also help you to remember them.

7) Work from the beginning – start learning your lines from the beginning.When you are confident with the first line, add in the second line, thenthe third, and so on. See how far you can go without forgetting something!

8) Work from the end – sometimes it can actually help to start at the end ofthe speech and work backwards! Start with learning the last line of yourspeech, then add on the line before it, then the one before that, and so on.The advantage with this approach (over working forwards) is that you’llbe saying the newest information first each time as you add more on andworking towards the parts that you are really confident with, rather thanstarting with what you know and working towards what you don’t know!

9) Practice with someone – having someone to listen to you and prompt youcan really help, especially when you are confident that you nearly know it all!

10) Try singing your lines – singing, rather than saying, your lines help youto remember them as the tune will help to fix them in your head!

Why not try… performing the monologue(s) to an invited audience of parents?

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Activity 7: Costume design

Challenge your pupils to design a costume for a character of their choice from a Shakespeareplay. They might like to design a costume for a boy playing a woman’s role! They can use thepictures from You Wouldn’t Want to Be a Shakespearean Actor for inspiration.

Extension activity: suggest that your pupils have been invited to design a costume for the samecharacter in a version of the play in a modern setting. How would the costume vary from the onethat they designed for the play set in Shakespeare’s time?

Activity 8: Tussy mussys and pomanders

In You Wouldn’t Want to Be a Shakespearean Actor, the company leave London when there is anoutbreak of plague. Many people in Shakespeare’s time believed that sweet-smelling herbs couldhelp to fight or prevent the plague.

People carried pomanders – small balls of scented gum or wax – to sniff regularly to try to wardoff illnesses.

An alternative to a pomander would have been a simple tussy mussy. There are instructions formaking a tussy mussy on the activity sheet. The instructions and photos are reproduced with thekind permission of the Young Archaeologists’ Club (www.yac-uk.org).

Pupils’ pack contents

● ‘Life as an apprentice’ creative writing sheet● ‘An apprentice’s day’ creative writing sheet● ‘Shakespeare’s language’ activity sheets (4)● Shakespeare bingo! grid● Sonnet 116 by William Shakespeare● ‘Seven ages of man’ from As You Like It by William Shakespeare (Act II Scene VII)● Costume design● How to make a tussy mussy● Blank sheet with the border top and bottom for your pupils’ own artwork and writing

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Shakespeare’s language

Below you will find the correct explanations for each of the Shakespearean phrases in modern English. There are four sheets of phrases and explanations to mirror the four activity sheets in the pupils’ pack. You can use this phrase list and/or the explanations for your game of Shakespeare bingo. You could even use the play in which Shakespeare used the phrase to make the game really tricky! (Note: there are some plays that feature more than once.)

Sheet 1

A sorry sight Something unwelcome. Nowadays also used to describe Macbeth someone or something that is untidy or messy

All that glisters is not gold* Not everything that looks good is valuableThe Merchant of Venice * In modern English this phrase is usually ‘All that glitters...’

All one to me When making a choice between options, any one is as Troilus and Cressida good as another

As cold as stone Very coldHenry V

The be all and end all Something that is the last word or complete solution to an issueMacbeth

As merry as the day is long Used to describe a person who is very happyMuch Ado About Nothing

For ever and a day Indefinitely; going on and onThe Taming of the Shrew

Foul play Bad or dishonest behaviour. Now often used to describeLove’s Labours Lost violence or rule-breaking in sports

Good riddance Being pleased to be rid of someone or somethingTroilus and Cressida ©

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Shakespeare’s language: Sheet 2

Green-eyed monster A feeling of jealousy The Merchant of Venice

Heart's content Complete satisfaction; being very happy with somethingHenry VI, Part II

High time The correct time to do something Comedy of Errors

Hot-blooded Having a bad temper The Merry Wives of Windsor

I will wear my heart Not hiding your feelingsupon my sleeveOthello

In a pickle To be in a very difficult position; stuckThe Tempest

In stitches To laugh and laugh and laugh...Twelfth Night

Lie low To hide or keep yourself away from others’ attentionMuch Ado About Nothing

More fool you Said to someone who is doing something silly or foolishThe Taming of the Shrew

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Off with his head Literally, chop off his head! The phrase was famously usedHenry VI Part III by Lewis Carroll in Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

Out of the jaws of death To be saved or rescued at the very last minuteTwelfth Night

Pomp and circumstance With great show or magnificent ceremony Othello

A sea change A complete transformation The Tempest

Send him packing To send someone away, often in disgraceHenry IV, Part I

Short shrift To make short work of something or give it little thoughtRichard III

The game is afoot The action is happeningKing Henry IV Part I

This is the short and The plain truth; what something isthe long of itThe Merry Wives of Windsor

To be, or not to be Is it better to live or to die?Hamlet

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A foregone conclusion An inevitable or obvious resultOthello

All of a sudden SuddenlyThe Taming of the Shrew

Dash to pieces Break into small pieces The Tempest

Fancy free Being without responsibility A Midsummer Night’s Dream

Makes your hair Something that is frighteningstand on end Hamlet

Wild goose chase A hopeless or impossible questRomeo and Juliet

Too much of a good thing Having too much of something can be bad for youAs You Like It

Truth will out Whatever is true will eventually be discovered. The Merchant of Venice You cannot hide the truth

Star-crossed lovers A name for two people who are unlucky in loveRomeo and Juliet

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Imagine that you are an apprentice in a Tudor theatre. Write a letter home to your parentsdescribing your daily life. What do you most enjoy about your life in the theatre? What is themost difficult, boring or unpleasant task that you have to do? What do you miss from home?

Name: _____________________________________________________________________

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Life as an apprentice

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A day in the life of an apprentice in a Shakespearean theatre would have been packed full oftasks. Use this sheet to create an itinerary or daily schedule for an aspiring actor. Would they havelines to learn, rehearsals to attend or costume fittings, for example?

Name: ________________________________________________________________

TIME TASK

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An apprentice’s day

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Shakespeare’s language (1)Lots of phrases in modern English were first used by Shakespeare.

Can you match the Shakespearean phrase with the correct explanation? Draw a line linking thephrase to its explanation.

Name: _____________________________________________________________________

A sorry sight Indefinitely; going on and onMacbeth

All that glisters is not gold When making a choice between options, any one is as The Merchant of Venice good as another

All one to me Bad or dishonest behaviour. Now often used to describeTroilus and Cressida violence or rule-breaking in sports

As cold as stone Used to describe a person who is very happyHenry V

The be all and end all Something unwelcome. Nowadays also used to describeMacbeth someone or something that is untidy or messy

As merry as the day is long Being pleased to be rid of someone or somethingMuch Ado About Nothing

For ever and a day Not everything that looks good is valuableThe Taming of the Shrew

Foul play Something that is the last word or complete Love’s Labours Lost solution to an issue

Good riddance Very coldTroilus and Cressida

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Name: _____________________________________________________________________

Green-eyed monster To be in a very difficult position; stuckThe Merchant of Venice

Heart's content Said to someone who is doing something silly or foolishHenry VI, Part II

High time To laugh and laugh and laugh...Comedy of Errors

Hot-blooded Complete satisfaction; being very happy with something The Merry Wives of Windsor

I will wear my heart A feeling of jealousyupon my sleeveOthello

In a pickle The correct time to do somethingThe Tempest

In stitches To hide or keep yourself away from others’ attentionTwelfth Night

Lie low Having a bad temperMuch Ado About Nothing

More fool you Not hiding your feelingsThe Taming of the Shrew

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Name: _____________________________________________________________________

Off with his head Is it better to live or to die?Henry VI Part III

Out of the jaws of death To make short work of something or give it little thoughtTwelfth Night

Pomp and circumstance A complete transformation Othello

A sea change The action is happeningThe Tempest

Send him packing The plain truth; what something isHenry IV, Part I

Short shrift With great show or magnificent ceremonyRichard III

The game is afoot To send someone away, often in disgraceKing Henry IV Part I

This is the short and Literally, chop off his head! The phrase was famously usedthe long of it by Lewis Carroll in Alice’s Adventures in WonderlandThe Merry Wives of Windsor

To be, or not to be To be saved or rescued at the very last minuteHamlet

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Name: _____________________________________________________________________

A foregone conclusion Having too much of something can be bad for youOthello

All of a sudden Something that is frighteningThe Taming of the Shrew

Dash to pieces A hopeless or impossible questThe Tempest

Fancy free SuddenlyA Midsummer Night’s Dream

Makes your hair Whatever is true will eventually be discovered. stand on end You cannot hide the truthHamlet

Wild goose chase Being without responsibility Romeo and Juliet

Too much of a good thing Break into small pieces As You Like It

Truth will out A name for two people who are unlucky in loveThe Merchant of Venice

Star-crossed lovers An inevitable or obvious resultRomeo and Juliet

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Shakespeare bingo!Name: ______________________________________________________________

Choose nine of the Shakespearean phrases from the selection on the ‘Shakespeare’s language’activity sheets and write them into the grid above, one in each space.

Your teacher or one of your classmates will now read out the phrases from the sheets at randomfor a game of Shakespeare bingo! If the phrase is in your grid, cross it out. If you are the firstperson to match all of the phrases in your grid with those called out, you are the winner!

To make it more difficult, why not try using the explanations, rather than the phrases themselves?

Remember when you have crossed out all of the phrases in your grid, call out Hark You! This is what Shakespeare would have said to get people to listen to him!

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Sonnet 116

By Wil l iam Shakespeare

Let me not to the marriage of true mindsAdmit impediments. Love is not loveWhich alters when it alteration finds,Or bends with the remover to remove:O, no! it is an ever-fixed mark,That looks on tempests and is never shaken;It is the star to every wandering bark,Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeksWithin his bending sickle’s compass come;Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

If this be error and upon me proved,I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

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The seven ages of man By Wil l iam Shakespeare

All the world’s a stage,And all the men and women merely players;They have their exits and their entrances,And one man in his time plays many parts,His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,Mewling and puking in the nurse’s arms.Then, the whining school-boy with his satchelAnd shining morning face, creeping like snailUnwillingly to school. And then the lover,Sighing like furnace, with a woeful balladMade to his mistress’ eyebrow. Then, a soldier,Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard,Jealous in honour, sudden, and quick in quarrel,Seeking the bubble reputationEven in the cannon’s mouth. And then, the justice,In fair round belly, with a good capon lined,With eyes severe, and beard of formal cut,Full of wise saws, and modern instances,And so he plays his part. The sixth age shiftsInto the lean and slippered pantaloon,With spectacles on nose and pouch on side,His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wideFor his shrunk shank, and his big manly voice,Turning again toward childish treble, pipesAnd whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,That ends this strange eventful history,Is second childishness and mere oblivion,Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything

As You Like It (Act II Scene VII)

Costume design!Name: ______________________________________________________________________

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Make a tussy mussy This activity is reproduced with kind permission from the Young Archaeologists’ Club(www.yac-uk.org)

Many people in Shakespeare’s time believed that sweet-smelling herbs could help to fight orprevent the plague. People carried pomanders – small balls of scented gum or wax – to sniffregularly to try to ward off illnesses. An alternative to a pomander would have been a simpletussy mussy. Follow these instructions to make your own tussy mussy.

You will need:

● A4 cardboard● A pair of compasses● Pencil● Ruler● Material● String or embroidery thread about 25cm long● Scissors● Teaspoon● Dried or fresh herbs, such as lavender, thyme, sage, rosemary, bay and mint

Method:

1. Draw a circle about 14cm in diameter on yourA4 cardboard using a pair of compasses.Cut it out with scissors.

2. Draw around your circle template ontoyour piece of material, and cut this outso you have a circle of material.

3. Pick three or four different herbs to go intothe tussy mussy and add a teaspoon of eachinto the centre of the material.

4. Fold your material in half and then gather theedges of the material together to make a smallbag containing the herbs.

5. Tie the neck of your bag together with the stringor embroidery thread leaving enough thread toattach the bag to a belt or the wrist.

6. Sniff at regular intervals to protect from diseasessuch as the plague!

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Shakespearean X Factor

Parts:

Kate:

Dudley:

Oliver:

Dudley:

Kate:

Dudley:

This play imagines a talent show set in London in 1601, judged by famous people of the day. The young contestants are all hoping to win a main part in Shakespeare’s newest play.

Kate a young actor who has to pretend to be a boyOliver a young actor who has to act being a womanDudley an older actor who thinks he is very goodMrs Burbage the theatre manager’s wifeQueen Elizabeth 1st her royal highnessWilliam Shakespeare the playwright (1564-1616)

Backstage (in the tiring house) of The Globe Theatre

I am so nervous. What if the judges realise I’m really a girl?

(Very much the ‘grand actor’) Then you will be thrown out into the street. Quite right, in my opinion. We don’t have females in the Elizabethan Theatre. You might offend the old queen.

Really? Dudley, you’re wearing a lot of make-up on your face. Which part will you be playing in tonight’s Shakespearean X Factor Finals?

Well isn’t it obvious with me dressed like this? The most important character in William Shakespeare’s latest play, of course.

Would that be the Fool?

I would never degrade my art by playing a clown. My audition for the play ‘Twelfth Night’ is Duke Orsino. Don’t I look and sound like a grand duke? “If music be the food of love...”

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Oliver:

Dudley:

Kate:

Dudley:

Oliver:

Dudley:

Kate:

Dudley:

Kate:

Dudley:

Oliver:

Dudley:

Then you’d better go on a diet! I would love to play the part of Sir Toby Belch but because I’m only a boy, I’ve got to play the part of a woman. I’m putting on lots of make-up to make my face pale.

It’s hard to get that stuff off. It’s made of powdered hogs bones mixed with poppy oil, you know.

Yuck!

Normally I wear deadly poisonous white lead and vinegar. This job is high risk.

To play the part of Countess Olivia I’ve got to wear an uncomfortable corset and an itchy wig all night.

It suits you. But what about our girl imposter? Whoever are you hoping to play in Twelfth Night?

Well, it’s very complicated. I’ve only just read the script and Mr Shakespeare’s ink was still wet. But I want to play the part of Viola.

Viola has to be played by a boy. How can a girl play a girl?

In the play Viola dresses up as a boy. So I shall be a girl pretending to be a boy playing a girl pretending to be a boy.

I’m lost already!

How long have we got till the show starts? Is the theatre still closed?

Aah – never say a theatre is closed or the plague will strike. We say the theatre is ‘dark’. Quick, make a wish and turn round

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Kate:

Dudley:

Kate:

Dudley:

Oliver:

Dudley:

Kate:

Dudley:

Kate:

Dudley:

Oliver:

three times – and take that peacock feather out of your hat! A peacock feather onstage will cause bad luck. We actors are very superstitious, you know.

Aaah! I just saw a rat in the costume box.

Only one is good luck! There are usually hundreds of them. Being an actor is full of hardships and dangers. I have performed all over the country but just lately I’ve fallen on hard times as an actor.

It’s just a STAGE you’re going through! Get it?

No, now pass me my make-up and practise your lines.

A flag is now flying above this theatre to show it is open.

Is it white for comedy, red for history or black for tragedy?

All three! My knees are shaking so much. I get terrible stage fright.

Just remember, the audience can soon turn nasty and throw things on stage. I know an actor who was knocked out by a flying leg of pork.

Maybe that’s where the term ‘ham actor’ comes from!

Oh no, did I just hear thunder or was it the roar of applause for tonight’s judges?

Let’s hope it doesn’t rain like last week. Some of the audience got soaked – especially the commoners who paid a penny to watch. They’re called groundlings because they have to stand on the ground.

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Dudley:

Oliver:

Kate:

Dudley:

Oliver:

Kate:

Dudley:

Kate:

Oliver:

Mrs Burbage: Oliver:

Last summer in the heat we called them stinkards – for obvious reasons.Sometimes the straw on the ground stinks and attracts rats.

I’m not sure I want to be a Shakespearean actor after all.

I really want to impress the judges out there tonight. I wonder who they will be.

Haven’t you heard? One is the Bard himself – William Shakespeare. The other is Mrs Burbage, the grumpy old wife of the famous theatre manager and you will never guess who tonight’s special guest is....

It can’t be...

Surely not...

Her royal highness herself – Queen Elizabeth. She adores the theatre. If she doesn’t like you, you’ll never act on a stage again.

I’ve changed my mind. I don’t want to be a Shakespearean actor. It’s hard work, very scary, high risk and you can get booed off the stage.

It’s too late now – we’re on. The stage manager is calling me to go on stage. This is it! (Sound of cheers and applause as he walks on stage)

The three judges sit at a table facing the stage, with a rowdy audience behind them

Ladies and gentlemen, please be quiet for the first contestant...

(As Olivia) ‘Well, come again to-morrow: fare thee well:

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Queen Elizabeth:

Mrs Burbage:

William:

Kate:

Queen Elizabeth:

Mrs Burbage:

William:

Dudley:

Queen Elizabeth:

Mrs Burbage:

William:

A fiend like thee might bear my soul to hell.

Speak up, dear. Your voice is too squeaky.

You must give Mr Shakespeare’s words much more drama.

‘Tis such a strain to write in rhymeAnd be dramatic all the time.Now go off stage and learn more of my text...And meanwhile we shall listen to the next.

(As Viola) ‘O Time, thou must untangle this, not I; It is too hard a knot for me t’ untie.’

Speak up, dear. Your voice is too squeaky.

You must give Mr Shakespeare’s words much more drama.

‘Tis such a strain to write in rhymeAnd be dramatic all the time.Now go off stage and learn more of my text...And meanwhile we shall listen to the next.

(As Orsino and very over-the-top) ‘I’ll sacrifice the lamb that I do love,To spite a raven’s heart within a dove.’

Methinks this actor looks too comical to play such a serious part.

Methinks he hath too much a funny face.

In that case, good sir, go change thy gown

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Queen Elizabeth:

Mrs Burbage:

Dudley:

All 3:

Dudley:

All 3:

Dudley:

All 3:

Dudley:

And come back hither dressed more as The ClownWe wish to see you play a comic part...Return back hence and give it all your heart.You will not know my words so now invent your ownImprovise with friends and make your clowning shown.(Dudley exits, looking appalled)

Methinks this could be so much fun...

Our Shakespearean X Factor Show is nearly done...

(Dudley returns in jester clothes, with Oliver & Kate dressed likewise)It isn’t very funny being a clown!Acting all day long, it gets me down.All the time I have to jest - and never get a moment’s rest.

No, it isn’t very funny being a clown. I just don’t find it funny, all this work for little money,Keeping up my strength to clown around.It’s so much more than acting – and stage-fright’s so distracting,

No, it isn’t very funny being a clown.

It isn’t very funny being a clown!Acting on the stage all round the town,When people shout abuse or hurl tomato juice,

No, it isn’t very funny being a clown. While audiences chuckle, my confidence can buckleBut still I must perform and not break downIt really is abysmal - people laugh when I feel dismal...

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All 3:

Dudley:

All 3:

Dudley:

All 3:

Dudley:

All 3:

Shakespeare:

Mrs Burbage:

Queen:

No, it isn’t very funny being a clown. It isn’t very funny being a clown!Acting in green tights and sparkly gown,How can I be inspiring when my acting is so tiring?

No, it isn’t very funny being a clown. In Shakespeare’s plays I tremble, when such rowdy crowds assembleAnd all I want to do is just lie down.But I have to learn the script – no sentence can be skipped

No, it isn’t very funny being a clown.

It isn’t very funny being an actorIn the very first Shakespearean X FactorThe pressure’s so intense and I’d hate to cause offence

But YOU WOULDN’T WANT TO BE A SHAKESPEAREAN ACTOR!

How dare you! I am most offended (stomps off)

Now look what you’ve done. You’ve upset the Bard. For that you’ll all lose a week’s pay. And be warned – in his next play you’ll need earplugs when a cannon goes off on stage. If you don’t like it, you’ll be fired! Ha ha.

Which all goes to show YOU WOULDN’T WANT TO BE A SHAKESPEAREAN ACTOR in Elizabethan England... EVER!

You Wouldn't Want To Be A Shakespearean Actor! Bonus Features

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