Year 7 Short Story AssessmentCriterion Focus: A, B, C

The Criterion

A: Content – Compose an effective short story

B: Organisation – Organise ideas in a conventional, story structure with logical order (development; crisis; resolution; ending)

C: Style and Language – Focus on descriptive writing skills, showcasing ‘show’ not ‘tell’. Use correct grammar, syntax and varied sentence structures.

Planning Your Story

Imagine you are an explorer who travels to far away places.

On your last trip things went wrong and you lost contact with the outside world. After one week you were found and you are now writing the story of your experience.

Start with the point when you knew things were going wrong and end with the point when you were found.

Planning

On your planning sheet include details about: How you have arrived here (aeroplane; car; boat; bus, etc) Where will your story be set? Where have you been

exploring? The difficulties you faced before you were found (crash

landing; loss of contact with the outside world, no food/ water, etc)

How you felt at each stage of your journey? (Development; crisis; resolution; ending)

Remember, ‘Show’ not ‘tell’

Opening paragraphs - describe what you see and how you feel (from the point when you knew things were going

wrong)

Think carefully about your opening sentence – will you begin with a short sentence for suspense/ use dialogue/ ask a question, etc?

Explore the examples of openings looking for good practice. Which one do you like best? Which features might you steal?

Example openings – which features might

you steal?“You keep away from the Birdman, Gracie,” my father had warned me often enough. “Keep well clear of him, you hear me now?” And we never would have gone near him, Daniel and I, had the swans not driven us away from the pool under Gweal Hill where we always went to sail our boats.

Why the Whales Came, Michael Morpurgo

The room was warm and clean, the curtains drawn, the two table lamps alight – hers and the one by the empty chair opposite. On the sideboard beside her, two tall glasses, soda water, whiskey. Fresh ice cubes in the Thermos bucket.

Mary Maloney was waiting for her husband to come home from work.

Lamb to the Slaughter, Roald Dahl

Crucially remember, ‘Show’ not ‘Tell’

Similes:The snow was sprinkled on the hilltops like icing sugar on a cake.

Metaphors:A sea of mist descended on the valley.

Personification:The wind whistled sadly through the trees.

Emotions through physical features Adding colour

‘Show’ not ‘Tell’ examples

Include physical symptomsThe girl yawned, with heavy eyes, because she was tired.

‘Show’ using features of your setting’s context:The unfortunate rhythm of the teacher’s voice begins to send me silently to sleep. Eyes drooping, as if taunting the Prefects to isolate my insolence.

Try adding colour to your sentences:The darkness waiting from behind my eyelids offers a welcomed release from the unfortunate rhythm of the teacher’s voice…

Possible opening sentences for your first

paragraph

“We’re going down, we’re going down! Mayday. Mayday!”The direct glare of sunlight on my eyelids, the glimmer of green in the distance, the straining to see the path in ahead, led me to believe that I might be hallucinating.Is it over?Hell. This could only be described as hell.

Describe what you see and how you feel (from the point when you knew things were going wrong).

Opening paragraph

Focus on including either 1 or 2 similes in this paragraph:

The glare of the sunlight was as fierce as an alligator wrestling with it’s prey.

The rain beating down was like 300 daggers stabbing every part of my exposed flesh.

Or 1 or 2 metaphors: The sunlight was a constant whip of pain against my skin.

Daggers of rain stabbed me with every step.

Second stage – Focus on the senses.

You realize you are stranded.

Sense DescriptionSight

Sound

Smell

Touch

Taste

Explore the example of how senses have been used

effectively The attic door creaked open. Something rustled in the darkness. I stared, but could see nothing beyond the vague shapes of old suitcases and trunks piled high. It smelt damp. I struggled up into the attic and wedged the door open. Light poured into the darkness. The darkness in the head of the house. I balanced carefully upon the floor beams. I knew that if I stepped onto the plaster I could fall straight through into the room below. A cobweb brushed my face and I felt the sudden tickle of a spider crawl across my cheek. As I made my way forwards, it grew darker and colder. I was blocking the light from the attic door. There were piles of old newspapers, brown paper bags tied with string, cardboard boxes and ancient, moth-eaten rugs that smelt of mothballs. Thick dust powdered every surface. I kept thinking that I would slip and put my foot through the floor. I stopped at a pile of old camping equipment. It was a jumble of guy ropes, torn canvas, poles, wooden pegs, metal skewers and a mallet. It was there that I saw the hand. It was quite still – and white. At first I thought that it was marble. But then it moved.

Craft your paragraph to include as many senses as

you can Sight:I stared, but could see nothing beyond the line of trees in front of me.A flicker of light lit my path. Sound:Something rustled in the darkness.

A high pitched howl could be heard in the distance. Touch:A cobweb brushed my face and I felt a sudden tickle of a spider crawl across my cheek.

Branches snapped on my clothes and skin

Smell:

Moth-eaten rugs that smelt of mothballs.

Rain seemed to release a renewed scent of nature in the forest.

Taste:

A taste of salt hung in the air.

Dust clogged my throat and nose.

Self and Peer assessment

Peer assess your partner’s work using the ‘Making a Difference’ criteria. Which key words best describe your partner’s use of:

1. Similes and/ or metaphors in the opening paragraph

2. The senses in the second paragraph

9 - 10:Original/ Impressive/ Emphasis

7 – 8:Varied and Sustained

5 – 6:Clear, showing Understanding

3 – 4:Basic, indicating Awareness

1 – 2:Simplistic/ Unclear