Xenofilkia Issue 94
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Transcript of Xenofilkia Issue 94
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8/9/2019 Xenofilkia Issue 94
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XENOFILKI
APRIL
#94
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8/9/2019 Xenofilkia Issue 94
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WELCOME TO XENOFILKIA the bimonthly filkzine.
EDITOR:
Lee Gold, 3965 Alla Road, Los Angeles, CA 90066; (310) 306-7456
DEADLINE: Usually the 7th day of every odd month: Jan, Mar, May, July, Sep, Nov
Deadline for Xenofilkia #95 May 7th, 2004
CONTRIBUTE by let ter or em ail (to Lee Gold): [email protected]
X E N O F IL K I A I N DE X E S : http://theStarport com/xeno/
thanks to Steve Savitzky)
COST:
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plus
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with a UK an wi th a US$ cheque account . Your cos t i s :
FREE if the issue contains one of yo ur f i lksongs that 's not generally available. (Let me k now if i t 's been
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Cover: Sorceress
by M ichel le Dockrey
Beas t o f M y Kind
The Las t March of G ondor
Gardener
Talkin' Tolkien
Vorthalia the Bold
The Latest W est-Coast Filker
Red-Haired Girl
High F ly the Nazgul - addit ional verse
Broken Cradle
W hat Happened to the Mars Lander
A Lament for a Future Lost
News f rom Iraq
W hat 's Left of the Stars
A Worm wi th No Name
Unicode
Real Old Time Religion - more verses
First Contact, Worst Case
M akin ' Poopie
Fas t Broom
The Song of Wand ering Charlie
Table of Contents
by M ark A. M andel
by Rober t Wynne & Lar issa March
by Jane M ai lander
by Blake Hodgetts
by Cather ine O'Shea
by Bi l l Laubenheimer
by Elo ise M ason
by Rick W eiss
by M ike Van Pel t
by Pat Mathews
by Mark Hom ing
by M arcus Bales
by H. Paul Shuch
by Michael McAfee
by Gary McGa th
by J im Rousey and Gary McG a th
by Nick Smith
by Robin Baylor
by Debra Fran Baker
& N ightRoads Associates
by Ar ie l Weinberg
1874
1875
1876
1877
1878
1880
1881
1881
1882
1883
1884
1885
1886
1887
1888
1889
1890
1891
1892
1893
All songs and artwo rk not covered by prior copyright are Cop yright as part of Xe nofilkia #94, April , 2004.
All r ights to ar twork an d songs revert to the au thors upon p ublication of Xen ofilkia #94.
-page i-
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XENOFILKIA #94
age 1874
BEAST OF MY KIND
by M ark A. M andel, Copyright 2004
to the tune of "Least Of My K ind," by Cat Faber
Prowling around the flocks,
Slipping between the rocks,
Seeking my chance to leap and rend .
Sudden ly, on the wind,
Scent of my foe and kin:
Traitor , who call yourself "man's best fr iend"
Think on the bargain's cost ,
W hat 's gained and w hat is lost?
Tethered and tamed and confined,
Robbed of your destiny,
Slave now, who once was f ree ,
You are the leashed of my kind .
There s tands my witless prey,
Too close to run away.
Lunge, leap, and str ike It l ies now dea d.
Tearing , I start to feed,
Driven by haste and need,
Flesh, f leece, and grass all the sam e blood-red.
Think on the b argain's cost ,
W hat 's gained and what is lost?
Tethered and tamed and con fined,
Robbed of you r destiny,
Slave now, who once was f ree ,
You are the leashed of my kind.
Now w e come face to face ,
Two of one sundered race,
Ga ze holding gaze across the kil l .
Slowly, you stoop to l ick,
Tongue flashing sharp and quick. . .
W ild in your eyes now , the wolf l ives s t il l
Now is the bargain lost ,
Now that you know the cos t,
No m ore to serve, confined.
Back to your destiny,
Pack-brother , l iving free,
You are the beast of my k ind
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XEN OFILKIA #94
age 1875
THE LA ST M A RCH OF GONDOR
by Robert Wyn ne and Larissa March , Copyright 2004
to the tune of "Least of My K ind" by Cat Faber
Armored in batt le m ail ,
Sw earing we shall not fail ,
Cursing, we r ide to Mordor 's Door.
M en, e lves and dwarves uni te
Facing the Shadow's m ight
Here is a challenge he ca n ' t ignore
W ell spent the batt le cost
All hope is not y et lost
Frodo sti ll carr ies the r ing
You have no t fought in va in
W hen you m arch forth again
You sha ll be led by your king.
W e fought and d id no t y ie ld
Pelennor 's batt lefield
Now we ap proach the Dark Lord ' s ga te
Sauron we wi l l defy
Hoping to d raw his eye
Far from the one w ho' l l decide our fate
W ell spent the batt le cost
All hope is not ye t lost
Frodo sti ll carr ies the r ing
You h ave no t fought in va in
W hen you m arch forth again
You sha ll be led by your king.
One day m ay te l l the ta le
Courage of m en shall fail
That will not be this day, I swear
Look on me now , Dark Lord
Reforged , the broken sword
Thoug ht you that Is ildur had no heir?
W ell spent the batt le cost
All hope is not ye t lost
Frodo sti ll carr ies the r ing
You hav e no t fought in va in
W hen you march for th again
You sha ll be led by your king.
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XENOFILKIA
#94 age 1877
I look out over the Sea from this vessel all gleam ing and grey.
Hailed as the Last of the Ringbearers , carr ied aw ay.
Singing Elves greet as my ship com es to land.
I s tumble in soft s i lver sand.
Pm lif ted up by a four-fmgered hand . . .
"W ell , Pm here, Mr. Frodo," I say.
Hear me o h, hear me oh,
There 's a fmal long journey that I have to go. (2x)
TALKIN' TOLKIEN
Parody Lyrics Copyright 2004 Blake Hodgetts , inspired by a subject heading on rec.m usic.f i lk:
to the tune of "Talkin' Baseball" by Terry Cashman
W ell, Gandalf got i t s tarted,
Kne w hobbits were s tout-hearted,
Although their way of l ife was quite reserved.
From duty Sam and Frodo never swerved ,
And in the end old Sauron got wh at he deserved.
W e're talkin ' Tolkien,
From Bree to Minas Tir i th.
Talkin' Tolkien,
Fangom to Osgi l ia th .
Sam wise stabbing Shelob using Sting;
Aragom, returning as the King;
W e're talkin ' Frodo, Gollum and the Ring.
Now Legolas and G imli ,
They we nt to batt le grimly,
W hile Faramir was p laced upon a pyre .
M erry and Pippin r isked their l ives to save the Shire,
And Frodo brou ght the One back to i ts forging fire.
W e're talkin ' Tolkien,
From W eathertop to Tookland ,
Talkin' Tolkien,
From Isengard to Buckland.
Bloody swords and ax es clang and cling;
Gandalf m aking heads ro l l wi th Glam dr ing;
W e're talkin ' Frodo, Gollum and the Ring.
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XENOFILKIA #94
age 1878
VORTHALIA HIE BOLD
by Catherine O'Shea
to the tune of "Pinky and the Brain"
This is the theme son g for the 'his torical ' children's show 'Vorthalia the Bold - Legendary H ero from the
Time of Isolation' for which, if you recall , Miles s t i l l rem em bers all nine verses
(A Civil Campaign).
I suspect
this was one of those 'his torical' shows in which the h ero m anaged to ha ve a key p art in every single his torical
event of importance Thus there are references to Vorlopoulos ' cooks (verse 2) , Lord M idnight (verse 5) , the
Incendiary Cat Plot (verse 6) , the defene stration of the Cou ncil of Counts (verse 7) and the Countess w ho had
herself legally declared m ale in order to inherit , and w as involved in a bizarre court case over her later m arriage
(verse 8) , not to m ention the folk tale with the b asil pot (verse 4). I s trongly suspect that there w as, in fact a
tenth verse about the m utant who k ept his heart in a box; given M iles ' personal feelings on m utants , however, i t
is not surpris ing that he n ever m em orised this verse, and failed to recall i ts existence.
Chorus : Vor tha li a the Bo ld Vo r tha li a the Bo ld
Legendary H ero in days of Old
W ith brawn as wel l as b ra in
He'l l save the day again
Vorthalya*
This spel l ing indicates a th ree-syl lable p ro nuncia t ion
Vo rthalia the Bold, bold, bold, bold
f V o r t h a l ia , i n s te a d o f t h e u s u a l f o u r .
Bold, bold, bold, bold
Bold.
In isolation t im e
W ith vil lains great or small
W hen i t came to f ighting cr ime
He w as the best of all
CHORUS
He ca n fight in any str ife
W ith sword or mace or hook
W ith a cleaver or a knife
He's bet ter than a cook
CHORUS
W hen d imm er heroes fa l l
His wits will s tay the course
For i t 's know n to one and all
That he 's smarter than his horse
CHORUS
The ladies love his air
And in charm he has no peers
Though their families may glare
No basil pot he fears
CHORUS
Politic'ly astute
The Council he could sway
For he knew that in a vote
Lord Midnight would say "Neigh ".
CHORUS
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XEN OFILKIA #94
age 1879
W hen in a t reas'nous p lo t
His r ivals did conspire
He knew wel l tha t one mus t no t
Set the cat on f ire
CHORUS
He'd an ed ucator 's m ind
In service to the State
To the Counci l he def ined
The v erb 'defenestrate '
CHORUS
His love seemed doom ed to fa i l
For h is wife he had to sue
Though declared bo th Count and male
She was a countess too
CHORUS
So w atch and lis ten here
And you ' l l hear the s tory told
Of a hero w ithout peer -
Of Vorthalia the Bold
Vo rthalia the Bold
Vorthalia the Bold
His deeds are uncounted,
His vir tues untold
W ith brawn as wel l as b ra in
He'l l save the day again
Vorthalya*
Vorthalia the Bold, bold, bold, bold
Bold, bold, bold, bold
Bold.
Call ie Hil ls wrote M ASSFILC: I was chat t ing w ith one of my f i lker buddies today, and he rem inded m e that
our new a lbum was NOT the only recent re lease to fea ture my mus ica l input . I'm cer ta in ly proud of the work I
did for Blake Ho dgetts ' album, and think that if you like eclectic, lyr ic-r ich fi lk, you sho uld check it out.
Featured perform ers include Tony F abris on guitar and Arlene ("Callie") Hills (Echo's Children) on flute lending
color and depth. Rounding out the performan ce roster are cameos by Angelica Sather Hod getts (courtesy of Ash
Productions) and harpist Laura Z aerr .
This CD runs over 73 minutes and includes a fu l l 12-page bookle t w i th a l l o f the song ly r ics . For more
information and audio samples, please see the album 's webpage at : ht tp: / /vvww .efn.org/ bch/blindsight .html
"Storming H eaven," the new CD b y Avalon Ris ing, can be bought a t h t tp : //www .avalonris ing .com/d isc .h tml
It 's a collection of progressive Celtic and original rock so ngs ranging from d ance tun es to ballads, with hints of
Otherwhere and Otherwhen. Lead s ingers are Kr is toph Klover and M argare t Davis . Ins t rum enta l is ts a re Klover
(electr ic guitar) , Davis (f lute and harp) , and Cat Taylor (electr ic f iddle) , backed by the rhythm section of M ark
Ungar, Kevin Fa nning, and Scott Irwin.
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XENOFILKIA #94
age 1880
THE LATE ST WEST-C OAST FILKER
by Bill Laubenheim er ( instigated by Carole Parker)
to the tune of "The Last Saskatchewan Pirate" by The Arrogant Worm s
(The phrases in braces in the last line are intended as seasonal. The one to be done d epends on w hether FKO
or OVF F is next on the schedule.)
I used to be a w riter , and I m ade a l iving fair
From references and user guides for sundry high-tech ware.
But t imes were ha rd, and though I tr ied, I lost my job on e day --
The VPs shipped it overseas and told m e "That 's our way."
I scoured the Net for writ ing jobs, the answe r always no,
There were som e slots for editors , the pay wa s much too low .
Job web sites sent programm er reqs, I could not work out why ,
I cashed my unemploym ent checks unt i l the wel l ran dry
Then I though t, I 'm losing heart , I can' t let this go on,
I need to fmd som e fi lkers at my local S-F con:
Chorus Cause i t 's a heave-ho heigh-ho f i lker 's l i fe for me,
Steal ing tunes and tw ist ing wo rds to f i t the m elody.
And it 's a ho-hey heigh-hey Fanboy s, run and hide,
W hen you see the da ndelion that the fi lkers wear with pride.
You'd th ink tha t loca l fandom would be aw are of me,
But just the other con, a careless fan I chanced to see.
As he was w histl ing gaily, I f ilked him on the spot,
Lampo oned his boo ks, his games, his clothes, and hair he hasn' t got.
An overpass near Portland spans a m ighty stream,
Fanbo ys scurry under i t , too scared to even scream,
'Cause they know Banjo Carole could be lurking aw fully close,
To capture them and sing them hours of off-key fanfic ose,
(Chorus)
W ell , Lawyer Ray he sued us 'cause he thought we p layed too loose,
He lost f ive t ime s in court -- he didn' t understand Fair Use,
But his clients lost their taste for paying thousands e very day,
And now he ' s d rumm ing wi th us and we ca l l h im Bodhran Ray .
A guitar and a songboo k, and a pleasant place to play,
I won' t bow to M ichael Jackson or the R-I-Double-A,
From Rusty- down to CopperCon, the terrors of the We st
If you bring a song into the room , we' l l fi lk our very best
(Chorus)
The fi lker l ife 's appealing, but you w on' t just fm d it here,
I 've found in G erman y there 's bands that you've just got to hear .
They roam the Rhine from Dusseldorf, through Bingen to Cologne,
Taking songs from m any countr ies , to f ilk them for their own.
W ell now the hou r is gett ing late, the con's about to end.
M y filking's done for now , but I am glad to call you fr iends.
I 'l l be back n ext f i lk con, but now I 've got to g o.
I hear there 's lots of singing do ne {at F ilkOntario} / {in c entral O-hi-o}
(Chorus twice)
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XENO FILKIA #94
age 1881
RED-HAIRED GIRL
by Eloise (Beltz-Deck er) Mason , with apologies to Charles Schultz
to the tune of 'Brown -Eyed G irl ', by Van M orrison
Hey, all those years ago, back before I knew your nam e . . .
Holdin' out a football , or playin' a baseball gam e.
Flyin ' kites into trees and laughin' , teasin ' you just for fun.
W atchin' Snoopy fly his dogho use into the mo rning sun.
I miss you, my Red-Haired G irl;
You , my Litt le Red-Haired Girl .
Now whatever happened to Frankl in and Pigpen?
They wa ndered out of our l ives, but I 'm seeing their faces again.
Go in' off to college, growin' apart , no matter how hard we tr ied.
Findin' you in grad school, honey, holdin ' you while you cried
On m e, my Red-Haired G ir l;
You , my Litt le Red-Haired G irl .
Bridge : Do you remem ber how w e used t o s ing?
[If you r gu i tar sk i l ls are u p to the task , inser t severa l bars of 'L inus and Lucy '
( aka t h a t song Sch roede r w as a lways p l ay ing on p i ano) h e r e .
Otherwise , s ing i t with na na n as . Hey, th is is f i lk - d igni ty??]
So hard to fmd ou r way , now tha t we 're on our own.
Saw Linus jus t the o ther day man, how tha t boy has grown.
He cam e out of the closet last year (som etimes I 'm o vercom e thinkin' about i t) .
And I worry 'bout po or ol ' Marcie, now that her 'Sir ' is gone,
But you're my Red-Haired G irl .
You 're my Litt le Red-Haired G irl .
HIGH FLY TH E NA ZGUL addit iona l verse
by Rick Weiss
to the tune of "Green Grow the Rashes-O"
Did I get i t in f i rs t? How many variations have com e in? [This is the only one I 've got.--LG]
I 'l l s ing eleven, o h
Hig h fly the Nazgul, oh
W hat is your e leven, oh?
Eleven for Peter Jackson 's Oscars, ten for the batt les of the r ing, and nine for the nine brave w alkers . . ..
Issue #100 of Xenofilkia is fast approaching,
in just another year . Chances are that issue w ill also have pa ge
1984. Anyone with suitable
songs should
cons ider send ing them in , in advance . Many thanks . Lee
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XENOFILKIA #94
age 1882
B R O K E N C R A D L E
by M ike Van Pelt
to the tune of "Cat 's in the Cradle", Harry Chapin
I started on this soo n after the
Columbia
crash, but it was too depressing to wo rk on; I only had a few lines and
the last verse. Saturday night at Baycon, I got h it in the head with inspiration, and com pleted it to this point.
W e splashed down just the other day,
Returned to Earth in our usual way
Barely mentioned on the evening new s,
W e didn't get any interviews
It 's not like it was w ith Neil and Buzz
No missions planned to go back, now
But I know w e're gonna go again.
Just one week ago we walked on the Moon
I really believe w e'll go bac k real soon
W e can't ignore the future or lose the dream
Our future is out in space
Our future has to be in space
The new space shutt le 's delayed again
Sky lab hits Australia, now that 's a sin
That stat ion could be saved without much cost
But space is out of style and m uch m ore was lost
So there's pieces of our future scattered on the ground
W e've got to start it all again
W e've got to start it all again
I remem ber when I walked on the M oon
I still believe we'll go back there soo n
I just don't know when, but w e've got to go
I hope we don't move too slow
I really hope we a ren' t too slow.
I just heard the new s, another shutt le dow n
Wh at 's left of the program h as been shut dow n
They say the co st 's too high, and the risk too great
Go ing out there wil l have to wait
W hat we real ly need now is to fix things on Earth here
No m ore space flight, too mu ch risk we fear.
A long time ago we w alked on the Moon
I'd like to believe we 'll go ba ck there soon
But all they say ab out that is it 's not the time ,
There 's problem s plenty here on Earth, now,
There's problem s plenty here on Earth.
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XENO FTLICIA #94
age 1883
I 'm the la s t one le f t who on Luna t rod
And they 've jus t spot ted an as te roid
I t 's f ive yea r s ou t ; we 've go t lo ts o f t ime
One m il l ia rcsecond w i l l do jus t f ine
And throu gh bu reaucra t ic tur f wars and p o l i t ica l f ights
W e f in ished i t jus t in t im e , yeah
I t wa s on the pad jus t in t ime .
Bu t t hough w e t r ie d t o r e ga in sk i l ls t ha t we once had
I t b lew u p on the pad .
Al l hope d ied on tha t pad .
I t' s h a rd to be l i eve we w a lked on th e M oon
I u s ed to be l i eve we 'd go back th e r e s oon
TV show s th e s hock w ave , now i t 's c l e a r
W e d i e d w h e n w e n o l on g er d r e am e d
You d ie when you no longe r d r e am
The
only m eaningful mem oria l , the only one tha t wil l rea l ly coun t , wi l l be when there are s t ree ts , tunnels , l iving and w orking
quarters named af ter each of those as t ronauts--and those wh o w il l ye t d ie in this ef fort in perman ent ly occupied s ta t ions on
t h
m oon , on M ar s , in the as te ro id be l t , and bey ond. Bruce F . Web s te r
WHAT HAPPENED TO
T H E
MARS LANDER
by Pa t M a thews , an exe r c is e in th e obv iou s
t o t he t une o f "H ope Ey r i e "
Eng land ' s Rove r h a s lo s t i t s vo ice
The da ta , we ' l l n eve r know
I t' s b e en dow n e d by a n e n e m y
A ba d g u y k n ow n t o bo t h you a n d m e
Ye s , a m os t famil ia r foe .
Rove r ' s now in th e doghouse
W hich ha s no t been s een ,
Since las t a Beag le f l ew in 1918
W ar t im e mem or ie s l i nge r long
Revenge is bes t se rved cold
M arv in 's t aken a s e cond p la ce
To a da r ing Ge rm an f ly ing ace
A hundred and tw en ty yea r s o ld
Ye s , the Baron has Beag le ,
Tel l the na t ions when
W e' ll h ave to f igh t th e W ar o f W or lds aga in
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XENOFILKIA #94
age 1884
A L A M E N T F O R A F U T U R E L O S T
Copyright Mark E. Horning 2004
to the tune of "The Piano Ma n," by Billy Joel; Time signature = 3/4
C m/B
m
/G
It's three AM* on a Saturday,
F
/E
7
The guitars stand ready to play
C
m/B m /G
And all I desire is a melody
F
il
(F Cmaj7)
That will take me somewhere far away.
* 10
P M , r e a l ly d a m n l a te , e t c . a s a p p r o p r i a t e
C m/B m
/G
The future once was a friend of mine,
F
/E
7
But its former bright luster has paled
C
m/B
For it seems every day,
Am
We get further away
F il
From the promises it once entailed
Am m/G
7/F F
Bridge: da da da - de de da
Am m/G
7/F
-
da da - de de da
D7
G/F C/E G7/D
-
da da
C m
m
Sing out a song of the future now
F /E
7
Sing out a song tonight
C
m/B
m
/G
And you might rekindle a memory
F il
Of a future that used to be bright.
The Concord once flew supersonic.
From New York to Heathrow she 'd soar .
On the oppo site run,
She w ould outpace the sun,
But now she is f lying no more
And this dismal reali ty 's kill ing me
As the wor ld becomes m ore mundane
And the glories and marvels we read abo ut
Seem to have been writ ten in vain.
Bridge
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XENO FILKIA #94
age
1885
Our m oonbase w as forfeit to poli t ics
W hile NASA sings the sam e tune
And because o f our fears,
I t has been 30 y ears*
Since a man las t walked on the moon
Challenger
was los t in smoke and flame
And Columbia
fel l from the sky
W ith so m any se tbacks ,
I have finally* lost track
But I know tha t too m any have died.*
Sing out a song of
the future now
Sing out a song tonight
And you might
rekindle a memory
Of a future that used
to be bright
W e have turned our back on
the possible
And substi tuted the tame
For all r isk we avoid
And ou r spir i t 's destroyed
And the "Cult of the Safe" is
to blame.
* For the n i tp icky, change to "35 yea rs" in 2007 and
"40 -odd yea r s " i n 2008 . Th ink ing abou t 50 -odd
years i s jus t too de press ing to cons ide r .
I s ing "I have f ine- ly los t t r ack" but som e fo lks ins is t
t h
wo rd i s p ronou nced w i th th ree syl lables .
A l t e r n a t i v e :
And it seems now we're too scared to try.
Kat e G l ads t one Ma r t in DeM e l lo sugges t ed on rm . f
W e have tu rned ou r backs on the po s s ib l e
And chosen t o c l ing t o t h e t ame
And the S t a t e w i l l as su re us
W e' re s a f e and secure , a s
W e dea l ou r s e lves ou t o f t he game
And the w riters are
churning ou t fantasies,
As Science falls from
its throne,
It 's a po or excuse for
l i t e r a t u r e
But it's
better than dreaming alone.
Bridge
Sing out a song of
the future now
Sing out a song tonight
And you might
rekindle a memory
Of a future that used to be bright.
NEWS FROM IRAQ
a poem by M arcus Bales
Near Tikrit a tractor-trailer load
Of 3-M
Post-It Notes
w as stoke;
Northbound outside Baghdad, at a road-
Block by a b r idge over
the rain-swollen
Tigris , a semi hau ling
paper clips
W as hijacked at just
about the same time.
Police, reviewing
various data and tips,
Suspect i t ' s the work of Iraqi organized
crime.
W hen Bush was f ina l ly
told the thefts
occurred
He s lapped his desk and
said might have known - -
Those cottage cheesers "
The staff,
confused, conferred
W ith Condi , who
dismissed it w ith a w ord:
"The Shia or the Sunnis
might be stirred
To organize, but Kurds have a way of
their own."
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8/9/2019 Xenofilkia Issue 94
15/22
XENO FILKIA #94
age
1886
WH AT'S LEFT OF THE STAR S
lyrics 2004 by D r. H. Paul Shuch, his 2004 Earth Day song.
sung to the tune of "Wh at 's Left of the Flag" 200 2 by Da ve King of Flogg ing Mo lly
Note that the chorus keeps mo rphing, from one verse to the next. Drama
(I s ing i t mu ch slow er than the original m elody. It is , after all , a requiem for a planet. )
W e will ma ke great haste
As we head to space.
W e are searching the cosmos w ide
For another stone
W e can make our home,
For the w orld of our birth has died.
Fly away , me boys , f ly away , me boys
From o ur own sun 's gravity.
A galactic cloud be y our spacer 's shroud;
Save the rest of the stars for me.
W e have turned our back
On the skies of black
And the ocean a sickly green.
Though I must confess
That our world's a mess,
She 's the best one that I have seen.
Fly away , me boys , f ly away , me boys
From o ur own sun's gravity.
A galactic cloud be your spacer 's shroud;
Save the best of the stars for m e.
Every human gr ieves
For the forest leaves
And the birds that once fi l led the sky.
No one l ives now w ho
Has seen skies of blue,
But the mem ories never die .
Fly away , me boys , f ly away , me boys
From o ur own sun's gravity.
A galactic cloud be your spacer 's shroud;
Save the best of the stars from me.
Try to understand
It was our ow n hand
Turned our Earth to a h oly hell .
W e survivors best
Learn our lessons, lest
W e destroy other worlds as well .
Turn away , me boys , turn away , me boys ,
W e're our world 's worst enemy.
A galactic cloud be your spacer 's shroud;
Save w hat 's left of the s tars from m e.
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8/9/2019 Xenofilkia Issue 94
16/22
XENO FILK1A #94
age 1887
A W O R M W I T H N O N A M E
w ords by Michael McAfee
to the tune of "A Horse With No Nam e" by Am erica
Em
6/9
On
my first week on the planet Dune I went
m
6/9
Walking out on the sand
Em 6/9
I knew not to step with a steady beat as I
m
6/9
Went
across the land
Em 6/9
n ornithopter went overhead
m 6/9
Looking for spice below but the
m 6/9
Beauty of all the heat and dust
Em 6/9
Was
something they'd never know; You see I've
[chorus]
Em9 maj9
Been to Arrakis on a worm with no name, but I'm
Em9
maj9
Glad that I went just the same; on
Em9
maj9
Arrakis, House Harkonnen may reign but there's
Em9
maj9
Too much mystery for them to contain
After tw o w eeks on the planet Dune
My eyes b egan to turn blue; after
Three w eeks on the planet Dune
A feeling in my heart grew
And I w as taught w ell and my know ledge was great, and I
Knew w hat I had to do; because I've
[chorus]
After nine days, I let the w orms run free because their
Secret was p lain to see; and the
Spice I breathed gave me strange dreams, and my
Sister's the same, it seem s
Arrakis has an ocean, but it's deep underground, and the
Fremen w ill guard it well; will we
Triumph w ith our w eapons of sound?
Only the sp ice can tell. You see I've
[chorus]
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8/9/2019 Xenofilkia Issue 94
17/22
XENOFILKIA #94
age
1888
U N I C O D E
by G ary Mc Gath, Copyright 2003. M ay not be published, electronically or in print , without the author 's
permission. M ay not be archived except for personal use.
Thanks to Ma rk Man del for reviewing this and offering a few sugge stions.
to the tune of She l Silverstein 's "The Unicorn"
A long time ago, on the old mac hines,
There were m ore kinds of characters than you've ever seen.
Nobody could tell just which set they had to load,
They wished tha t somehow they could have one k ind of code .
There w as US-ASCII, s imp lif ied Chinese,
Arab ic and H ebrew and Vie tnamese ,
And Latin-1 and Latin-2, but don' t feel snowed;
W e'l l put them a ll together into Unicode.
The users saw this Babel, and i t made them blue,
So a big con sortium said, "This is wha t we' l l do:
W e will take this pile of sets and give each on e i ts place,
Using sixteen bits or thir ty-two, w e've lots of space
For the US-ASCII, s implif ied Chinese,
Arab ic and H ebrew and V ie tnamese ,
And Latin-1 and Latin-2, we' l l let them load
In a big set of characters called Unicode .
The Klingons arr ived whe n they heard the call ,
And they saw the sets of characters , both big and sm all .
They said to the consortium , "Here 's what we wa nt:
Just a l i t t le bit of spac e for the K lingon font."
"You 've got US-ASCII, s imp lif ied Chinese,
Arab ic and H ebrew and V ie tnamese ,
And Latin-1 and Latin-2, but we' l l explode
You if you do n' t put Klingon cha racters in Unicode."
The Unicode Conso rtium just shook their heads,
Though the looks that they were gett ing caused a sense of dread.
"The set that we've assemb led is for use on Earth,
And a foreign plane t is the Klingons ' place of bir th."
W e've got US-ASCII, s implif ied Chinese,
Arab ic and Hebrew and Vie tnamese ,
And Latin-1 and Latin-2, but you can ' t goad
Us into putt ing Klingon characters in Unicode.
The Klingons grew as angry as a minotaur;
They we nt back to their spaceship and declared a w ar.
Three hundred years ago this happene d, but they say
That 's why the K lingons sti l l despise the Earth today.
W e've got US-ASCII, simplif ied Chinese,
Arab ic and Hebrew and Vie tnamese ,
And Latin-1 and Latin-2, but we' l l be blowed
If we' ll put the Klingon langu age into Unicode.
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8/9/2019 Xenofilkia Issue 94
18/22
XENOFILKIA #94
age 1889
REAL OL D TIME RE LIGION m ore verses
by Jim Rousey
Qu etzalcoatl's quite a sm arty
And he sure knows how to party
Alw ays has a meal that's hearty
And that's good enough for me.
Now , a faithful household Herm
Well, you'll really make him squ irm
If his w orm is now unfirm,
And that's good enough for me.
Pontus was born w ith Uranus
Which shoulda made him famous
Dear lost sea god, please don't blam e us
And that's good enough for me.
Demiurge w as once the "builder"
Hope the name w on't you bew ilder
Praid the G nostics kind of killed her
And that's good enough for me.
Ophion w as one big snake
He could cau se the earth to shake
Lost his teeth and had an ache
And that's good enough for me.
(Yes, in the fol lowing one, i t 's pronoun ced just l ike in that m ovie that you m ight have seen)
Ananke's more than just a mu mm y:
She's Necessity, you du mm y
With old Khronos, she got chum my.
And that's good enough for me.
Out of vacuum cam e the gods.
Out of w ater, ice, or clods,
They made us, w e simple sods
And that's good enough for me.
*********************
and by G ary McGath , to end the song wh en i t ' s
been going on too long.
We've sung blessings, we've sung curses,
But w hat makes it all the w orse is
We have su ng nine billion verses,
And that's good enough for
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8/9/2019 Xenofilkia Issue 94
19/22
XENOFILKIA #94
age 1890
F IR S T C O N T A C T , W O R S T C A S E
by N ick Sm i th , Augus t , 2003
to the tune of "Old Ros in , the Beau"
The s igna l cam e f r om the an tenna
And sc ient i s t s a l l took the i r bow s.
F i r s t contac t , but one t iny prob lem:
The a l iens looked jus t l ike cow s .
The a l iens looked jus t l ike cow s, the a l iens looked jus t l ike cow s.
F i r s t contac t , but one t iny prob lem : the a l iens looked jus t l ike cow s.
Imag ine ou r s hock and con fu s ion ,
And then the nex t shoe hi t the f loor
The a l ien vesse l was seek ing
The ir co lony sent long b e fore .
The i r co lony sent long b e fore , the i r co lony sent long b e fore
The a l ien vesse l was seek ing the i r co lony sent long be fore .
A co lony sh ip had gone m is sing
Som e thousands o f y e a r s i n t he pa s t .
A may day s en t homew ard a t li gh t -s peed
H ad broug ht fo r th a r e scue a t la s t .
H ad brou ght fo r th a r e scue a t la s t , had b rough t fo r th a r e scue a t la s t
A m ayday s en t homew ard a t l i gh t- s peed had b rough t fo r th a r e s cue a t l a st
The co lony sh ip had long van i shed
I ts s igna ls had a l l d ied aw ay
The a l i en s hoped th ey 'd be ab le
To take i t s descend ants away .
To t ake i t s de s cendan t s away , t o t ake i t s de s cendan t s away
The a l iens hoped they 'd be ab le to take i ts descendan ts away.
Ins tead, they had found h um an c i t ies
And na ry a t r a ce cou ld th ey f ind
Of records le f t by the i r ow n people
Or c iv i l iza t ions bov ine
Of c iv i l iza t ions bo v ine , of c iv i l iza t ions b ov ine ,
Of records le f t by the i r ow n peop le or c iv i liza t ions bovine .
The sc ien t is ts t ried not to an swer
The ques t ions the a l iens had
For s omeho w they knew tha t th e an swe r s
W ere cosmic -d i s a st r ou s ly bad
W ere cosmic -d i s a s tr ou s ly bad , we r e co smic -d i s a st r ou s ly b ad
For s om ehow they knew tha t th e an swe r s we r e cosm ic -d is a s tr ou s ly bad .
They r ad ioed down a long s equence
Tha t tu rned ou t t o be D NA
One sc ien t is t looked , and sa id "Herefo rd"
And qu ie t ly fa in ted away.
And qu ie t ly fa in ted away, and qu ie t ly fa in ted away,
One sc ient i s t looked , and sa id "He re ford" , and quie t ly fa in ted aw ay.
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8/9/2019 Xenofilkia Issue 94
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XENOFILKIA #94
age 1891
It seems that the colony landed
In England, millennia past.
Genetic drift, shipw reck and climate
Had turned them barbaric too fast.
Had turned them barbaric too fast, had turned them barbaric too fast
Genetic drift, shipwreck and climate had turned them barbaric too fast.
They'd been interbred with our cattle
And eaten on barbecu e grills
"Or m ilked, w hich is worse", a man uddered.
Our w arm alien climate w as chilled.
Our w arm alien climate was chilled, our w arm alien climate w as chilled
Some puns ju st cannot be repeated, our warm alien climate w as chilled.
The aliens proved understanding
And reckoned w e w eren't to blame
When first they m et sentient grasses
They'd really done almost the sam e.
They'd really done almost the sam e, they'd really done alm ost the same,
When first they m et sentient grasses, they'd really done almost the sam e.
"Your p lanet is judged and found w anting,
And w hen w e return to the stars
We'll spare all your innocent peop le
But Ronald McDonald is ours "
But Ronald Mc Donald is ours, but Ronald McDonald is ours
Some things just cannot be forgiven, and Ronald M cDonald is ours
MAKIN' POOPIE
C opyright Robin Baylor, 2003-2004,
to the tune of "M akin' Whoopie"
Another diaper, another day
And yet more w aste to put away.
S/he could be peein', but as you're seem '
S/he's mak ing poopie.
All babes & Mom mies, w e gotta know
That w hen it's coming, you gotta go
It's in the diaper; now get the w iper
S/he's m akin poopie.
Every one loves a baby
Except w hen they've got "an air"
Now I am counting time till
I see less derriere
So now they say it's Catch 22
A b etter diaper slows learning, too.
The kid w on't mind it, w hen all's behind it
When making poopie.
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8/9/2019 Xenofilkia Issue 94
21/22
XENOFILKIA #94
age 1892
FAST BROOM
Spo i le r fo r Har ry Pot te r book #5)
W ords Copy r igh t 2003 D eb r a F r an Bake r a nd N igh tRoads Assoc ia t e s
p rev iou s ly pos t ed to m y l iv e j ouma l , ww w. l iv e jou rna l .com /u s e rs /mam adeb /
a n d t o r m f
t o t he t une o f "Fa s t Ca r" by Tr a cy Chapm an , 1988
I go t a fa s t b room,
M ade to seek l i t t le golden ba l ls
M aybe I c an f ly t o he aven
M a ybe m y b r oom c a n r u n fr om i t a l l
Any fa te is be t te r
Figh t ing to l ive and w hat ' s the use
M aybe I ' ll f ind m yse l f
M aybe I ' l l l ea rn I 've go t no thing to lose .
I go t a f a st b room
He ha s a f am i ly th a t ho lds h im c los e
She can lea rn any spe l l the re is
Fr iends so c lose I 'm af ra id to care
In my fear he ' l l k i l l them too
Jus t cas t h is cur se a s green as my ey es
And I 'l l be a lone w i th j u s t t h i s s ca r
And know wha t i t means to f e ed on dea th .
You s e e You K n ow W h o 's g o t a pr ob le m
If one of us l ives , the other one d ies
And he s ays I 'm th e one w ho ' s go t t o go
I s a y I'm gonn a r i d t he wo r ld o f h im .
M y fo lk s d i ed j u st t o k eep me a l iv e
I t 's no t m uch o f a l i f e but i t 's w ha t I go t ,
And i f s omebo dy ' s go t t o take ca r e o f h im
M igh t a s we l l be m e , w i th no th ing to lo s e .
I go t a f a s t b room
I t fl ie s so fa s t I can sweep the sky .
One day i t 'l l take m e to ba t t le
I 'l l f igh t tha t ghoul or h e ' l l win the da y.
The r e a r e times w hen I 'm f ly ing , f ly ing on m y b room
Flying so fas t I cou ld race the w ind
W hole wor ld benea th my f e e t
Noth ing to fear , no dea th up there
And I had a fee l ing tha t I be long ed
And I had a fee l ing tha t I cou ld l ive for rea l , l ive for rea l , live for rea l
I go t a f a st b room
I can ca tch the l i t t le golden ba l l
He bo ugh t th i s b room fo r me
He w as k i ll ed becau s e I'm too young
I know th ings w on ' t ge t be t te r
He ' l l s t i ll be d ead a nd I ' l l d ie f igh t ing
I 'l l fin ish wi th H ogw ar ts school
F igh t Vo ldem or t un t i l h e k i ll s me .
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8/9/2019 Xenofilkia Issue 94
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XENOFILKIA #94
age 1893
I go t a fa s t b room .
I t take s me f a r away f r om my se l f
Bu t now he ' s dead and i t l i e s in m y t r unk
And m y f r i e nds c an 't s e e why I ke ep a lone .
I d
neve r d r e amed abou t a ny th ing
Excep t how p eop l e I love com e to d i e
I
have no p lan s on how to de f ea t h im
I 'l l t ake m y fas t b room an d keep on f ly ing.
I go t a f a s t b room
I w ish I cou ld f ly away f r om th i s wor ld
But o the r s made t he de c i s ion
I f ight fo r m y l i fe and I ' l l d ie th is w ay .
I go t a fa s t b room . .. .
T H E S O N G O F W A N D E R I N G C H A R L I E
by Ar ie l W e inbe rg
a poem in sp ir ed by Y ea t s ' poem "The Song o f W ande r ing Aengus " and by "Cha r l i e on th e M TA"
I wen t dow n to th e T s t a t ion
Because a t r a in was in m y head
I
k i s s ed m y w i f e and fami ly
And o f f w i th a d ime in m y pocke t I sped .
And w hen I en te red a t Kenda l l Squa r e
And ch anged ca r s fo r the JP route
I d ropped th e d im e in to th e f a r ebox
But t he conduc to r wou ld n o t l e t me ou t .
I gazed in va in upon the f loor
But cou ld not f ind s i lver a f lam e
The cond uctor s t i ll s tood in the do or
And I
could n o t ge t o f f o f tha t t r a in .
M y w i fe st i ll b r ing s m e s andwiche s
Every d ay a t qu a r te r t il l three
She te l ls me W al te r A. O 'Br ian los t
And the fa re 's so h igh I ' ll neve r be f r ee .
Though I am o ld w i th wande r ing
From S co l l ay Squa r e to W onde r l and
I know som eday I ' ll f ind a d im e
And j ump fo r j oy and c l ap my hand s
And w a lk a long th e Esp lanade
And r ide t i ll t ime and t im es a r e done
The S i lv e r Line bu s unde r th e moo n
The Go ld Cab unde rne a th t he sun