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To: Mr. Boss

From: James Wright

Date: 6/8/2016

Subject: het !. o" De#t o" $%ce&&e'ce (')itatio'

(' &oo*i'g o)er the i')itatio' to our a''ua& gra+uatio' #art,- a "e a&armi'g errors i' the

i')itatio's com#ositio' ha)e come to m, atte'tio'. rimari&,- the st,&e o" riti'g ma*es the

i')ite seem as i" it as u'#ro"essio'a&&, thro' together ithout much thought- a' im#ressio'

e +o 'ot a't those e ho#e to atte'+ the e)e't to ha)e. There are a&so a "e #&aces at hich

the #iece re#eats itse&" or +oes 'ot ma*e se'se. )era&&- this i')itatio' is #oor&, ritte' a'+ (

recomme'+ hea), re)isio'.

The "irst #rob&em that rises to m, atte'tio' is that the riti'g st,&e is a&& ro'g "or hat

is bei'g attem#te+ here. The riter seems to be riti'g to a casua& grou# o" "rie'+s about

si'gi'g b, a #art, to ha'g out ith some co&&ege stu+e'ts. This is i' 'o a,- sha#e- or "orm

hat shou&+ be ha##e'i'g here. This is a' i')itatio' to a' ho'ors societ, gra+uatio' #art,- a'+

shou&+ be treate+ as such. The riter a&so +oes't seem to be ab&e to sta, re&e)a't throughout the

#iece. The, *ee# gi)i'g +etai&s about #rior ,ears- e)e' the +etai&s that e ou&+'t a't a',o'e

heari'g about those ,ears. The, s#e'+ a&& o" a #aragra#h +oi'g this- the' ait u'ti& the 'e%t to

e)e' co''ect that to the curre't )e'ue. The, a&so re#eate+ themse&)es a time or to- hich ca'-

to some- come o"" as ob'o%ious. This a##&ies +oub&, so he' hat ,ou are re#eati'g is as*i'g

"or +o'atio's. Were ( a' a&um' recei)i'g this i')itatio'- ( ou&+ be orrie+ ( ou&+ be goa+e+

about it a&& 'ight- i" the, cou&+'t e)e' get through the i')itatio' ithout me'tio'i'g it tice.

That ou&+ 'ot ma*e me a't to atte'+.

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The author a&so seemi'g&, "ai&e+ to use the three a##ea&s. (t just sim#&, is't there "or the

most #art. The author +oes 'ot use ethos- the, e)e' u'+ermi'e hat cre+ibi&it, the, +i+ ha)e

through #oor structure a'+ arra'geme't. This is somethi'g that cou&+ be great&, im#ro)e+ o' i"

it ere sim#&, *e#t i' the authors mi'+ he' re)isi'g this #iece.

ogos cou&+ be great here- i" o'&, the author me'tio'e+ ho- this bei'g a' ho'or societ,

a'+ hat'ot- ho bri&&ia't some o" the mi'+s that i&& be here are. Ma*e them a't to atte'+- to

get to *'o those ho ma+e it through ith these ho'ors.

athos cou&+ a&so be a'other #oer"u& too& i' the authors be&t- i" ,ou me'tio' ho

e'jo,ab&e this i&& be- "or the atte'+ee a'+ their 3#&us o'e4. (t is im#&ie+ that there is a' e%tra

i')ite attache+ to the o'e #ri'te+- but that is 'e)er outright state+- a #rob&em this #iece has time

a'+ time agai'. There s a&so 'o me'tio' o" ho s#ecia& this e)e't cou&+ be to the gra+uates-

#erha#s remi'+ the a&um'i hat their gra+uatio' #art, a&rea+,

(' co'c&usio'- this i')itatio' is ob)ious&, 'ot e""ecti)e- a'+- through m,

recomme'+atio's- a'+ just ma,be through a restructuri'g o" the ho&e #roject- e ca' get those

atte'+a'ce 'umbers u#.