Leadership and Self-deception The Arbinger Institute

March 2015

1

Presented by Kobus Serfontein

What is Self-deception?

Self-deception is not knowing – and resisting the possibility – that one has a problem

How do I help someone see what they don’t

want to see?

Most conflicts are perpetuated by self-deception. So are most failures in

communication – and most breakdowns in trust and accountability

“It is in the darkness of their eyes that men get lost” Black Elk

Two main reasons for our self deception

1.We see others as objects and not as people

2. The choices we make

We (leadership) have a PROBLEM? We see others as OBJECTS and not as PEOPLE?

Behaviour

Out of the Box I see myself and others as PEOPLE (Responsiveness)

In the Box I see myself and others in a distorted way – as OBJECTS (Resistance) Obstacle Irrelevant Vehicle

Ways of Being is deeper and more important than our behaviour

When you enter the “box”: 1. You start to justify your behaviour 2. Your view about reality and others becomes distorted 3. You provoke others to enter their “box”

Leadership and Self-deception? (How we get in the box)

Feeling

CHOICE

Honour it Betray it “Self-betrayal”

Arbinger Institute, 2009

When you enter the “box”: 1. You start to justify your behaviour 2. Your view about reality and others becomes distorted 3. You provoke others to enter their “box”

From Self-betrayal to self-deception? “In the Box”

1. An act contrary to what I feel I should do is called self-betrayal

2. When I betray myself, I enter the box 3. Over time, certain boxes become characteristic

of me, and I carry them with me 4. By being in the box, I provoke others to be in

the box 5. In the box, we invite mutual mistreatment and

obtain mutual justification.

What doesn’t work in the box?

1. Trying to change others 2. Doing the best to “cope” with

others 3. Leaving 4. Communicating 5. Implementing new skills or

techniques

At the Root of the Business Effects

The purpose of work: To achieve results together.

The foundational workplace self-deception, then: 1. Like childbed fever, self-deception has many different symptoms – from

lack of motivation and commitment to stress and communication problems.

2. You allow or participate in blame. 3. You get in the box. 4. You don’t help them get better. 5. They get worse, reinforcing your betrayals.

The cure: Staying out of the box makes you a better leader (even when someone

more senior “invites you back in”). It is easier for team members to stay productive with a leader like you

who is “out of the box.”

When you (as leader) and your people are “in the box” – there can be NO PERFORMANCE

Blame Lack of commitment Lack of motivation Poor communication Lack of trust Conflict