Working with Grieving Children After Violent Death: A ...
132
• ) 4"5914 NATIONAL ORGANIZATION FOR VICTIM Working with Grieving Children After Violent Death: A Guidebook for Crillle Victilll Assistance Professionals Marlene A.Young, Ph.D., J.D. Executive Director National Organization for Victim Assistance Prepared August, 1996 Under Cooperative Agreement Number 95-VF-GX-KOOI, for Office for Victims of Crime ove Blank Pages Removed If you have issues viewing or accessing this file contact us at NCJRS.gov.
Transcript of Working with Grieving Children After Violent Death: A ...
• ~
~
) 4"5
914
NA
TIO
NA
L O
RG
AN
IZA
TIO
N F
OR
VIC
TIM
ASSISTANC~
Wor
kin
g w
ith
Gri
evin
g C
hild
ren
Aft
er V
iole
nt D
eath
:
A G
uid
eboo
k fo
r C
rill
le V
icti
lll
Ass
ista
nce
Pro
fess
iona
ls
Mar
lene
A.Y
oung
, Ph.
D.,
J.D
. E
xecu
tive
Dire
ctor
N
atio
nal O
rgan
izat
ion
for V
ictim
Ass
ista
nce
Prep
ared
Aug
ust,
1996
U
nder
Coo
pera
tive
Agr
eem
ent
Num
ber 9
5-V
F-G
X-K
OO
I, fo
r
Offi
ce fo
r Vic
tims o
f Crim
e
ove
-
Advo
cRtta
g/or
tbeF
,ur -;;
;;-:=
====
====
====
====
= Tf
fiIlII
Iftt 0
/ CrIm
e Vl
ct/n
u
Uni
ted
Sta
tes
Dep
artm
ent
of J
usti
ce
Off
ice
of J
usti
ce P
rogr
ams
Off
ice
for
Vic
tims
of C
rim
e
NC
J 16
5814
Blank Pages Removed
If you have issues viewing or accessing this file contact us at NCJRS.gov.
Ack
now
led
gmen
ts
The
aut
hor i
s gra
tefu
l for
the
sign
ific
ant c
ontr
ibut
ions
to th
is p
ublic
atio
n m
ade
by o
ur a
dvis
ors:
R
ober
t Pyn
oos,
Ph.
D.,
ofth
e U
nive
rsity
of C
ali f
omi a
at L
os A
ngel
es, a
nd K
aren
Tho
ben,
Ed.
D.,
ofth
e Pr
ince
Geo
rges
Cou
nty
Publ
ic S
choo
l Sys
tem
in s
ubur
ban
Mar
ylan
d. W
e ap
prec
iate
the
crea
tive
ef
fort
s of
Hr P
rodu
ctio
ns, W
ashi
ngto
n, D
.C.,
prod
ucer
s of
the
vide
o th
at a
ccom
pani
es th
is G
uide
book
. Sp
ecia
l tha
nks
to C
OPS
Kid
s, a
nat
iona
l org
aniz
atio
n w
hich
sup
port
s ch
ildre
n o
f sla
in la
w e
nfor
cem
ent
offi
cers
, for
allo
win
g N
OV
A to
"pi
lot t
est"
man
y of
the
activ
ities
in th
is G
uide
book
at t
heir
ann
ual
mee
ting
in M
ay o
f 199
6 at
the
FBI T
rain
ing
Aca
dem
y in
Qua
ntic
o, V
A.
Als
o co
ntri
butin
g m
any
usef
ul s
ugge
stio
ns to
the
final
dra
ft w
ere
Mar
ti Sp
eigh
ts, D
irec
tor o
f the
Sp
ecia
l Pro
ject
s D
ivis
ion
at O
VC
, and
Dua
ne R
agan
, PhD
., a
Pro
gram
Spe
cial
ist i
n th
at D
ivis
ion.
N
OV
A, o
f cou
rse,
ass
umes
full
resp
onsi
bilit
y fo
r the
Gui
de a
nd th
e ac
com
pany
ing
vide
o, a
nd a
ny
opin
ions
exp
ress
ed h
erei
n ar
e no
t nec
essa
rily
thos
e of
OV
C.
Our
than
ks to
all
ofth
e in
divi
dual
s an
d to
the
man
y pr
ogra
ms
who
resp
onde
d to
our
requ
est f
or
info
rmat
ion
abou
t ser
vice
s ava
ilabl
e th
roug
hout
the
Uni
ted
Stat
es fo
r gri
evin
g ch
ildre
n. M
any
peop
le
took
the
time
to s
end
us e
xtre
mel
y us
eful
wri
tten
mat
eria
l and
man
y al
so s
pent
tim
e w
ith u
s on
the
phon
e to
mak
e su
re w
e ha
d th
e in
form
atio
n w
e ne
eded
. T
heir
ent
husi
asm
for t
he p
roje
ct w
as in
spir
atio
nal.
Abo
ut t
he O
rgan
izat
ions
N
atio
nal
Org
aniz
atio
n fo
r V
icti
m A
ssis
tanc
e T
he N
atio
nal O
rgan
izat
ion
for V
ictim
Ass
ista
nce
is a
pri
vate
, non
-pro
fit m
embe
rshi
p or
gani
zatio
n o
f vi
ctim
and
witn
ess a
ssis
tanc
e pr
actit
ione
rs, v
ictim
serv
ice
prog
ram
s, c
rim
inal
just
ice
prof
essi
onal
s,
rese
arch
ers,
form
er v
ictim
s, h
ealth
and
men
tal h
ealth
pro
fess
iona
ls, c
lerg
y m
embe
rs, a
nd o
ther
s com
mit
ted
to th
e re
cogn
ition
and
impl
emen
tatio
n o
f vic
tim ri
ghts
. N
OV
A's
activ
ities
are
gui
ded
by fo
ur p
ur
pose
s: n
atio
nal a
dvoc
acy,
pro
vidi
ng d
irec
t cri
sis
serv
ices
to v
ictim
s, s
ervi
ng a
s an
edu
catio
nal r
esou
rce
to v
ictim
ass
ista
nce
and
allie
d pr
ofes
iona
ls, a
nd p
rom
otin
g be
tter c
omm
unic
atio
n am
ong
its m
embe
rshi
p.
For
info
rmat
ion
abou
t NO
VA
or o
ther
NO
VA
pub
licat
ions
, con
tact
: N
atio
nal O
rgan
izat
ion
for V
ictim
Ass
ista
nce
1757
Par
k R
oad,
N.W
. (2
02)
232-
6682
no
va@
dige
x.ne
t W
ashi
ngto
n, D
.C.
2001
0
(202
) 46
2-22
55 f
ax
http
://w
ww
.acc
ess.
dige
x.ne
tJ.-n
ova
Off
ice
for
Vic
tim
s o
f Cri
me
The
Off
ice
for V
ictim
s o
f Cri
me
was
est
ablis
hed
by th
e V
ictim
s o
f Cri
me
Act
(VO
CA
) to
serv
e as
th
e Fe
dera
l gov
ernm
ent's
chi
ef ad
voca
te fo
r Am
eric
a's c
rim
e vi
ctim
s. O
VC
adm
inis
ters
man
y fo
rmul
a an
d di
scre
tiona
ry g
rant
s fo
r pro
gram
s des
igne
d to
ben
efit
vict
ims,
pro
vide
s tra
inin
g fo
r div
erse
pro
fes
sion
als w
ho w
ork
with
cri
me
vict
ims,
and
dev
elop
s pr
ojec
ts to
enh
ance
vic
tims'
rig
hts
and
serv
ices
. It
s m
issi
on is
to p
rovi
de v
ictim
s w
ith ju
stic
e an
d he
alin
g. T
o ob
tain
add
ition
al c
opie
s o
f thi
s G
uide
book
or
for m
ore
info
rmat
ion
abou
t OV
C, c
onta
ct:
Off
ice
for V
ictim
s of C
rime
Off
ice
of J
ustic
e Pr
ogra
ms
U.S
. Dep
artm
ent o
fJus
tice
63
3 In
dian
a A
venu
e, N
.W.
Was
hing
ton,
D.C
. 20
531
(202
) 51
4-64
44
(202
) 61
4-63
83 f
ax
(800
) 627
-687
2 O
ffic
e fo
r Vic
tims
of C
rim
e R
esou
rce
Cen
ter
Thi
s pr
ojec
t was
sup
port
ed b
y C
oope
rati
ve A
gree
men
t Num
ber 9
5-V
F-G
X-K
OO
I aw
arde
d by
the
Off
ice
for
Vic
tim
s o
f C
rim
e, O
ffic
e o
f Jus
tice
Pro
gram
s, U
.S.
Dep
artm
ent o
f Jus
tice
. T
he A
ssis
tant
Att
orne
y G
ener
al, O
ffic
e o
f Jus
tice
P
rogr
ams,
coo
rdin
ates
the
acti
viti
es o
f the
fol
low
ing
prog
ram
off
ices
and
bur
eaus
: B
urea
u o
f Jus
tice
Ass
ista
nce,
B
urea
u o
f Jus
tice
Sta
tist
ics,
Nat
iona
l In
stit
ute
of J
usti
ce, O
ffic
e o
f Juv
enil
e Ju
stic
e D
elin
quen
cy a
nd P
reve
ntio
n, a
nd
the
Off
ice
for
Vic
tim
s o
f Cri
me.
Poi
nts
of v
iew
in t
his
docu
men
t are
thos
e o
f the
aut
hor
and
do n
ot n
eces
sari
ly
repr
esen
t the
off
icia
l po
siti
on o
r pol
icie
s o
f the
U. S
. D
epar
tmen
t of J
usti
ce.
2
'. • ~\
Wor
king
wit
h G
riev
ing
Chi
ldre
n A
fter
Vio
lent
Dea
th:
A G
uide
book
for
Cri
me
Vic
tim
Ass
ista
nce
Pro
fess
iona
ls
Tab
le o
f Con
tent
s
I.
Intr
oduc
tion
...
....
...
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 9
II.
Bac
kg
rou
nd
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. .
11
III
Pre
para
tion
of t
he C
areg
iver
..
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
. 13
A
. G
rief
an
d L
oss
....
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. .
13
B.
Tra
um
a an
d V
iole
nce
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 15
C
. A
lpha
bet o
f Pos
itive
Car
egiv
er A
ttri
bute
s an
d S
kill
s fo
r W
orki
ng W
ith
Gri
evin
g C
hil
dre
n.
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 17
IV
. T
he G
riev
ing
Chi
ld .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
..
21
A.
Dev
elop
men
t Sta
ges
Aff
ect t
he T
raum
a an
d G
rief
Rea
ctio
ns o
f Chi
ldre
n ..
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. .
21
B.
Chi
ldho
od D
evel
opm
enta
l S
tage
s ..
....
....
....
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 22
1.
In
fant
s an
d T
oddl
ers
(0-2
) ..
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
. 22
2.
P
re-S
choo
l(2-
6) ..
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
22
3.
S
choo
l-A
ge (
6-10
) ..
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
..
23
4.
Ear
ly A
dole
scen
ce (
10-1
3 G
irls
, 12
-15
Boy
s). ..
....
....
....
..
24
5.
Ado
lesc
ence
(13
-18)
..
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
. 25
C
. C
hild
ren'
s R
eact
ions
to T
raum
a at
Any
Dev
elop
men
t Sta
ge
are
Aff
ecte
d by
the
Im
pact
of "
Par
ent L
oss"
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
26
1.
A
ctua
l L
oss
ofP
aren
t(s)
...
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
26
2.
P
erce
ived
Los
s of
Par
ent(
s) ..
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
26
3.
A
ctua
l or P
erce
ived
Par
ent L
oss
Can
be
Mor
e T
raum
atic
Tha
n th
e T
raum
a E
vent
Its
elf
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 26
D
. C
hild
and
Adu
lt G
rief
Rea
ctio
ns a
re E
xace
rbat
ed
by V
iole
nt T
raum
atic
Los
s. .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 27
1.
In
tens
ity
of E
mot
ion
Incr
ease
s . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. ..
27
2.
D
urat
ion
of G
rief
May
be
Ext
ende
d fo
r Y
ears
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
27
E
. T
rau
ma
and
Gri
ef P
atte
rns
of C
hild
ren
are
Sim
ilar
to
Adu
lts
But
are
Man
ifes
ted
Dif
fere
ntly
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. ..
27
I.
L
engt
h o
f Gri
evin
g, A
long
With
Act
s ofM
oum
ing
and
Rem
embr
ance
, Ext
end
Thr
ough
out t
he
Dev
elop
men
tal
Sta
ges
...
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
..
27
2.
Gri
evin
g is
Int
erru
pted
by
Cur
rent
Nee
ds o
r E
vent
s. .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. ..
28
3.
Chi
ldre
n's C
omm
unic
atio
n St
yles
Dif
fer f
rom
the
Com
mun
icat
ion
Sty
les
of A
dult
s. .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
..
28
4.
Som
e A
dults
Hav
e Sp
iritu
al B
elie
fs T
hat H
elp
The
m to
Cop
e W
ith
Tra
uma
and
Gri
ef.
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
..
28
F.
Tra
umat
ic G
rief
Rea
ctio
ns .
....
.. .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 28
1.
L
oss
and
Dea
th .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. ..
28
2.
D
enia
l ..
....
....
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 29
3.
L
osse
s C
ause
d by
Dea
th a
re C
oncr
etel
y Id
enti
fied
in
a C
hild
's L
i fe; E
xpla
natio
ns A
bout
Dea
th a
nd
Los
s ar
e O
ften
Int
erpr
eted
Lit
eral
ly.
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 29
3
Tab
le o
f Con
tent
s (C
ontin
ued)
4.
Tra
uma
Rea
ctio
ns a
re R
elat
ed to
Gri
ef R
eact
ions
..
....
....
....
30
a.
P
rote
st o
r Ang
er O
ver
the
Los
s or
Dea
th
....
....
....
. 30
b.
S
orro
w a
nd S
adne
ss A
bout
the
Los
s or
Dea
th
....
....
. 30
c.
G
uilt
or
Sel
f-B
lam
e ..
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
31
5.
C
hild
ren
Face
Add
ition
al R
isks
Whi
ch In
crea
se
the
Tra
umat
ic G
rief
Rea
ctio
n . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 31
V
. In
terv
enti
ons
for
Gri
evin
g C
hild
ren
...
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 33
A
. C
areg
iver
Com
mun
icat
ion
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
...
33
B.
Goa
ls o
f Ass
ista
nce
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
..
33
I. E
stab
lish
Saf
ety
and
Sec
urit
y. .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 33
2.
A
llow
Chi
ldre
n to
Tel
l Wha
t Hap
pene
d an
d to
Tal
k A
bout
Dea
th.
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. .
34
3.
Pred
ict W
hat W
ill H
appe
n an
d Pr
epar
e C
hild
ren
for
the
Futu
re .
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
. 34
C
. M
etho
ds o
f Int
erve
ntio
n ..
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
...
35
1.
Ora
l S
tory
tell
ing
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
..
35
2.
Gui
ded
Free
Pla
y ..
....
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. .
35
3.
Sti
mul
atin
g D
iscu
ssio
n ..
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
35
4.
C
reat
ive
Wri
ting
....
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. .
36
5.
Cre
ativ
e A
rt .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. .
36
6.
Dra
mat
ic E
nact
men
ts.
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. .
36
7.
Mu
sic.
. . .
. ..
. ..
..
. ..
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. ..
. ..
. ..
. . .
. . .
. . .
..
37
8.
Pray
er, R
epet
itiv
e M
edit
atio
ns, a
nd C
hant
s. .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. ..
37
D.
Sam
ple
Que
stio
ns, E
xerc
ises
and
Act
ivit
ies
Use
ful
in W
orki
ng W
ith
Ch
ild
ren
.. .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
.. .
. . .
.. .
. . .
. . .
. . ..
37
1.
Fin
ding
Out
the
Chi
ld's
Ver
sion
of W
hat H
appe
ned.
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 39
2.
E
xplo
ring
the
Dif
fere
nce
Bet
wee
n L
ife
and
Dea
th .
.. .
. . .
. . .
. . .
..
40
3.
Exp
lori
ng W
hat H
appe
ns to
a P
erso
n A
fter
He
Die
s. .
. . .
. . .
. . .
..
41
4.
Exp
lori
ng W
hy a
Sud
den
Dea
th h
as O
ccur
red
....
.. .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 42
5.
Id
enti
fyin
g T
raum
a or
Gri
ef R
eact
ions
..
....
....
....
....
....
. 43
6.
C
opin
g W
ith T
raum
a or
Gri
ef R
eact
ions
...
....
....
.. .
. . .
. . .
..
44
7.
Mem
oria
ls a
nd R
emem
bran
ce .
...
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . ..
45
E.
Su
pp
ort
Gro
up
Act
ivit
ies
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 49
1.
A
ges
2-6
(Six
Ses
sion
s) .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. ..
50
2.
Age
s 7-
11 (
Six
Sess
ions
) . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 63
3.
A
ges
12-1
8 (S
ix S
essi
ons)
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
..
77
F.
Th
e N
eed
for
Pro
fess
iona
l Hel
p W
ith
Gri
evin
g C
hil
dre
n.
. . .
. . .
. . .
..
93
VI.
P
roto
cols
for
Wor
king
Wit
h G
riev
ing
Ch
ild
ren
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. .
95
A.
Bac
kgro
und
Con
side
rati
ons.
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 95
B
. D
efin
itio
ns.
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. ..
96
C.
Vic
tim
Ass
ista
nce
Pro
fess
iona
l's R
espo
nsib
ilit
ies
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
..
97
D.
Pro
toco
lfo
r W
orki
ng W
ith
Chi
ldre
n 0
-6
....
....
....
...
. . .
. . .
. ..
101
E.
Pro
toco
l for
Wor
king
Wit
h C
hild
ren
7-11
..
....
....
....
....
....
..
105
F.
Pro
toco
lfo
r W
orki
ng W
ith
Chi
ldre
n 12
-18
....
.. .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 10
9
4
Tab
le o
f Con
tent
s (C
ontin
ued)
App
endi
x I:
App
endi
x II
:
App
endi
x II
I:
App
endi
x IV
:
App
endi
x V
:
App
endi
x V
I:
App
endi
x V
II:
App
endi
x V
III:
Tra
um
a an
d G
rief
..
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
...
113
Dir
ge W
itho
ut M
usic
. .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. ..
115
Wor
kshe
et:
Fea
rs A
bout
Dea
th.
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . ..
117
Wor
kshe
et:
Fea
r A
ctio
n P
lan
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 11
9
(Exc
erpt
) A
nger
: T
he M
isun
ders
tood
Em
otio
n ..
....
....
....
121
Wor
kshe
et:
Ang
er ...
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
.. 1
25
Wor
kshe
et:
Ang
er A
ctio
n P
lan
....
....
....
....
....
....
...
127
(Exc
erpt
) G
ivin
g So
rrow
Wor
ds .
....
....
....
....
....
....
.. 1
29
Bib
liog
rapy
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 14
1
Chi
ldre
n's
Boo
ks A
bout
Dea
th ...
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
...
153
For
m f
or E
valu
atin
g G
uide
book
...
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
.. 15
5
5
•
Wor
king
wit
h G
riev
ing
Chi
ldre
n A
fter
Vio
len
t D
eath
:
A G
uid
eboo
k fo
r C
rim
e V
icti
m A
ssis
tan
ce P
rofe
ssio
nal
s
Jim
was
tw
elve
yea
rs o
ld a
nd T
erry
was
nin
e w
hen
thei
r si
ngle
-par
ent
mot
her
was
sho
t an
d ki
lled
on
the
way
hom
efro
m w
ork.
Shel
ley
was
eig
ht y
ears
old
and
Bob
by w
as t
wo
whe
n th
eir
mot
her
was
sho
t an
d ki
lled
by
thei
r fat
her
b€!fo
re h
e ki
lled
him
self
.
Van
essa
was
four
teen
whe
n sh
e w
as s
tabb
ed a
nd
kill
ed b
y an
old
er te
enag
e bo
y in
her
sch
ool y
ard.
H
erfr
iend
s w
ere
witn
esse
s.
Ken
ny w
as s
ix w
hen
his
olde
r br
othe
r M
ason
was
ki
lled
alo
ng w
ith t
hree
oth
er k
ids
in a
dru
nk d
rivi
ng c
rash
.
Tim
e st
oppe
d fo
r th
em a
ll w
hen
viol
ent d
eath
tor
e th
eir
youn
g liv
es a
part
in a
pai
n th
at w
ill l
ive
fore
ver.
7
•
I. In
trod
ucti
on
Jim
, Ten
y, S
helle
y, B
obby
, Van
essa
and
Ken
ny a
re r
epre
sent
ativ
e of
the
hund
reds
of t
hous
ands
o
f chi
ldre
n w
ho e
xper
ienc
e tr
aum
atic
dea
th e
ach
year
. It
is e
stim
ated
that
as
man
y as
twen
ty p
erce
nt o
f to
day'
s ch
ildre
n w
ill h
ave
surv
ived
the
deat
h o
f a p
aren
t by
the
end
of h
igh
scho
ol; e
leve
n ch
ildre
n a
day
are
kille
d by
gun
s in
acc
iden
ts, s
uici
des,
and
mur
ders
; an
aver
age
offo
ur st
uden
ts a
yea
r die
in a
sch
ool
syst
em o
f6,0
00 st
uden
ts; a
nd th
at a
chi
ld b
y th
e ag
e o
f 14
will
hav
e w
itnes
sed
18,0
00 d
eath
s-m
ost
ly
viol
ent m
urde
rs o
n te
levi
sion
. (L
inda
Gol
dman
, Lif
e an
d L
oss:
A G
uide
to G
riev
ing
Chi
ldre
n, 1
994)
T
hese
figu
res
do n
ot b
egin
to a
ccou
nt fo
r the
add
ition
al d
eath
s o
f fri
ends
or l
oved
one
s ca
used
by
drun
k dr
ivin
g cr
ashe
s or
vio
lent
dea
ths
witn
esse
d in
the
stre
ets
of o
ur c
ities
.
Vic
tim a
ssis
tanc
e pr
ofes
sion
als d
eal w
ith c
rim
e, v
iole
nce
and
trau
ma
rout
inel
y as
par
t oft
heir
ev
eryd
ay w
ork.
Man
y re
spon
d to
cri
sis
calls
at t
he s
cene
s o
f cri
me
and
mos
t hav
e ca
se lo
ads
in th
e cr
imin
al ju
stic
e sy
stem
. T
rain
ing
and
educ
atio
n is
cri
tical
in o
rder
to p
rovi
de th
em w
ith th
e kn
owle
dge
and
skill
s th
ey n
eed
in o
rder
to p
rovi
de q
ualit
y se
rvic
e. I
t is a
lso
impo
rtan
t for
thei
r ow
n m
enta
l hea
lth
as th
ey c
onfr
ont t
he p
ain
and
angu
ish
caus
ed b
y cr
ime.
Perh
aps
som
e o
f the
mos
t dif
ficu
lt ca
ses
for v
ictim
ass
ista
nce
prof
essi
onal
s are
thos
e in
whi
ch
they
pro
vide
ass
ista
nce
to c
hild
ren
and
adol
esce
nts.
Cri
me
seem
s pa
rtic
ular
ly c
ruel
whe
n it
is p
erpe
tr
ated
on
the
youn
g. T
he d
evas
tatio
n le
ft in
its
wak
e af
ter t
he m
urde
r of a
frie
nd, f
amily
mem
ber o
r ac
quai
ntan
ce o
f chi
ldre
n ca
n la
st a
life
time.
Vic
tim a
ssis
tanc
e pr
ofes
sion
als
are
not e
xpec
ted
to p
rovi
de
ther
apy
or lo
ng-t
erm
gri
ef co
unse
ling
for c
hild
ren
who
hav
e su
rviv
ed tr
aum
atic
dea
th, b
ut so
me
help
w
ith d
eath
not
ific
atio
n an
d m
any
prov
ide
guid
ance
and
com
fort
as c
hild
ren
talk
abo
ut th
eir r
eact
ions
, be
gin
the
mou
rnin
g pr
oces
s and
dev
elop
way
s of r
emem
beri
ng th
eir l
oved
one
s.
Thi
s gui
debo
ok is
not
a tr
aini
ng m
anua
l.
• It
is d
esig
ned
to s
erve
as
a qu
ick r~ference
for v
ictim
ass
ista
nce
prof
essi
onal
s in
thei
r wor
k w
ith c
hild
ren,
par
ents
, sch
ool t
each
ers
and
coun
selo
rs, c
lerg
y m
embe
rs a
nd o
ther
s as
they
add
ress
the
need
s of g
riev
ing
child
ren.
• It
sum
mar
izes
the
stat
e o
f kno
wle
dge
ongr
ieJ a
nd tr
aum
a re
acti
ons o
j chi
ldre
n, s
ugge
sts
met
hods
and
act
iviti
es fo
r int
erve
ntio
n an
d su
ppor
tive
coun
selin
g, a
nd p
rese
nts
sam
ple
age-
spec
ific
su
ppor
t gro
up c
urri
cula
.
• It
out
line
s a s
ampl
e pr
otoc
ol fo
r vic
tim a
ssis
tanc
e pr
ogra
ms
and
othe
rs w
ho w
ork
with
ch
ildre
n to
use
to e
stab
lish
guid
elin
es fo
r res
pond
ing
dire
ctly
to g
riev
ing
child
ren.
• It
incl
udes
abi
blio
grap
hyof
furt
her
reso
urce
s fo
r vic
tim a
ssis
tanc
e pr
ofes
sion
als
and
thei
r al
lies a
s w
ell a
s a
bibl
iogr
aphy
of u
sefu
l rea
ding
s fo
r chi
ldre
n.
The
term
"ca
regi
ver"
is u
sed
thro
ugho
ut th
is g
uide
book
to d
enot
e a
pers
on p
rovi
ding
sup
port
to
the
chil
d, b
ecau
se w
hile
vic
tim
ass
ista
nce
prQ
fess
iona
ls a
re it
s pr
imar
y au
dien
ce,
its
mes
sage
is
desi
gned
Jor
thos
e w
ho w
ork
in c
oope
rati
on w
ith
them
as
wel
l.
9
II.
Bac
kgro
und
"Nob
ody
is b
orn
with
a g
enet
ic d
iath
esis
to
psyc
hic
trau
ma.
If
you
sc
are
a ch
ild
badl
y en
ough
, he
wil
l be
tra
um
ati
zed
-pla
in a
nd
si
mpl
e.
But
if yo
u co
mbi
ne t
he t
raum
a w
ith a
dea
th o
r a
new
di
sabi
lity
, th
en y
ou w
ill s
ee d
epre
ssio
n, p
aran
orm
al th
inki
ng,
an
d/
or c
hara
cter
cha
nge
-co
unt o
n it.
"-
Len
ore
Ter
r
Dea
th is
a d
iffi
cult
con
cept
to u
nder
stan
d an
d ac
cept
for a
dults
and
chi
ldre
n al
ike.
The
end
of
life
can
be c
once
ptua
lized
in m
any
way
s, b
ut th
e pe
rman
ency
ofl
oss
and
the
dyin
g pr
oces
s ca
nnot
be
expl
aine
d un
til it
is e
xper
ienc
ed.
Whe
n a
natu
ral d
eath
occ
urs
at th
e en
d o
f a lo
ng li
fe, i
t may
be
ex
pect
ed a
nd p
repa
ratio
ns m
ade
to a
djus
t to
the
ultim
ate
loss
. G
rief
over
the
dece
ased
may
be
pain
ful
and
prol
onge
d, b
ut th
ere
has
been
tim
e be
fore
dea
th to
con
side
r its
con
sequ
ence
s fo
r tho
se w
ho
cont
inue
to li
ve.
Whe
n de
ath
is s
udde
n an
d co
mpl
icat
ed b
y tr
aum
a, th
ere
is n
o tim
e to
ada
pt to
the
shoc
k an
d pa
in o
f sep
arat
ion
and
final
ity.
Sorr
ow m
ay b
e a
fund
amen
tal e
xper
ienc
e bu
t the
exp
erie
nce
of e
xtra
ordi
nary
cri
sis m
ay b
e eq
ually
ove
rwhe
lmin
g. T
he in
abili
ty to
mak
e se
nse
out o
f the
dea
th, t
o un
ders
tand
why
it h
appe
ned,
and
to c
ompr
ehen
d ho
w it
has
inte
rrup
ted
1 ife
can
frus
trat
e, a
nger
and
dr
ive
surv
ivor
s to
des
pair
.
Chi
ldre
n ar
e pa
rtic
ular
ly su
scep
tible
to th
e im
pact
of t
raum
atic
dea
th fo
r sev
eral
reas
ons.
Chi
ldr
en d
o no
t den
y tr
aum
a; ra
ther
, the
y te
nd to
rec
ord
its fu
ll ho
rror
and
impa
ct.
Tra
uma
is te
rror
izin
g to
th
em, r
ende
ring
them
hel
ples
s an
d un
prot
ecte
d. D
eath
is u
nfam
iliar
. T
heir
cop
ing
skill
s ar
e of
ten
unde
rdev
elop
ed.
The
y ar
e st
ill in
the
proc
ess
of d
evel
opin
g th
eir o
wn
pers
onal
ities
and
iden
titie
s. T
hey
ofte
n do
not
hav
e sp
iritu
al re
sour
ces
on w
hich
to re
ly.
Adu
lt ca
regi
vers
are
cri
tical
in h
elpi
ng c
hild
ren
thro
ugh
the
trau
ma
of vi
olen
t dea
th a
s w
ell a
s th
e gr
ievi
ng p
roce
ss.
Yet
, man
y ad
ults
are
unp
repa
red
for v
iole
nt d
eath
them
selv
es.
Adu
lt ca
regi
vers
mus
t co
nsid
er th
eir o
wn
reac
tions
to d
eath
and
trau
ma
care
fully
bef
ore
wor
king
with
gri
evin
g ch
ildre
n.
Aft
er c
areg
iver
s co
nsid
er th
eir o
wn
reac
tions
, the
y sh
ould
lear
n as
muc
h as
they
can
abo
ut th
e re
actio
ns o
f chi
ldre
n, a
nd e
xplo
re re
sour
ces
and
tech
niqu
es to
pro
vide
ass
ista
nce
to th
e gr
ievi
ng c
hild
.
11
III.
Pre
par
atio
n o
f the
Car
egiv
er
Thi
s se
ctio
n is
not
des
igne
d as
a p
rim
er o
n gr
ief a
nd tr
aum
a re
actio
ns.
It is
exp
ecte
d th
at
care
give
rs w
ho a
re w
orki
ng w
ith c
hild
ren
will
hav
e ba
sic
educ
atio
n an
d tr
aini
ng o
n gr
ief a
nd tr
aum
a is
sues
. R
athe
r, th
e se
ctio
n is
incl
uded
in th
is g
uide
book
to a
ssis
t car
egiv
ers
in c
larif
Yin
g th
eir o
wn
resp
onse
s to
gri
ef an
d tr
aum
a.
A.
Gri
ef a
nd L
oss
Mos
t adu
lts h
ave
lived
thro
ugh
the
deat
h o
f som
eone
they
kno
w.
The
y re
aliz
e th
e sh
ock
of r
ecog
nitio
n th
at th
ey w
ill n
ever
see
that
per
son
agai
n an
d of
ten
have
end
ured
dis
turb
ing
thou
ghts
con
cern
ing
the
dyin
g pr
oces
s. B
ut m
any
cons
ciou
sly
put a
side
thei
r sor
row
in o
rder
to "
go o
n"
with
life
and
to m
aint
ain
ever
yday
func
tioni
ng.
As a
resu
lt, m
any
adul
ts c
arry
with
them
the
pain
of
unre
solv
ed g
rief
. Su
ch g
rief
may
eru
pt u
nexp
ecte
dly
whe
n an
indi
vidu
al is
exp
osed
to s
ituat
ions
that
re
min
d hi
m o
r her
oft
he d
eath
and
the
loss
. E
ven
whe
n in
divi
dual
s ha
ve m
ade
an e
ffor
t to
conf
ront
pas
t de
aths
and
act
ivel
y m
ourn
thei
r los
ses,
pot
ent m
emor
ies
may
be
resu
rrec
ted
whe
n th
ey e
ncou
nter
oth
er
deat
hs.
It is
bot
h un
real
istic
and
und
esir
able
to tr
y to
ext
ingu
ish
such
mem
orie
s an
d th
eir c
onse
quen
ces.
T
he w
isdo
m o
f Dei
tric
h B
onho
effe
r is c
ompe
lling
on
this
po
int-
"Not
hing
can
mak
e u
pfo
r th
e ab
senc
e o
f som
eone
who
m w
e lo
ve,
and
it w
ould
be
wro
ng to
try
to
fin
d a
sub
stit
ute;
we
mus
t si
mpl
y ho
ld o
ut a
nd s
ee it
thro
ugh.
Th
at s
ound
s ve
ry h
ard
atfi
rst,
bu
t at t
he s
ame
time
it is
a g
reat
con
sola
tion
. fo
r th
e ga
p, a
s lo
ng
as i
t rem
ains
unf
illed
, pre
serv
es th
e bo
nds
betw
een
us.
It is
non
se
nse
to s
ay th
at G
odfi
ll th
e ga
p; h
e do
es n
otf
ill i
t, bu
t on
the
cont
rary
, he
kee
ps i
t em
pty
and
so h
elps
us
to k
eep
aliv
e ou
r fo
rmer
com
mun
ion
with
eac
h ot
hel~
eve
n at
the
cos
t of p
ain.
"
Car
egiv
ers
shou
ld ta
ke th
e tim
e an
d ef
fort
to e
xplo
re th
eir o
wn
loss
es a
nd th
e co
nseq
uent
gri
ef
in o
rder
to b
e ab
le to
con
trol
pos
sibl
e in
trus
ive
reco
llect
ions
whi
ch m
ay in
terf
ere
with
thei
r abi
lity
to b
e he
lpfu
l to
thos
e th
ey a
re tr
ying
to h
elp
in th
e pr
esen
t. To
faci
litat
e th
is e
xplo
ratio
n, th
e fo
llow
ing
proc
ess
may
be
usef
ul.
The
pro
cess
can
be
used
with
car
egiv
ers
in tr
aini
ng a
s a
grou
p or
by
indi
vidu
al
care
give
rs in
pri
vate
. C
areg
iver
s sh
ould
try
to p
ut th
eir t
houg
hts
or m
emor
ies
into
ver
bal o
r wri
tten
resp
onse
s be
caus
e it
help
s gi
ve c
oncr
ete
fonn
to th
eir e
mot
ions
and
reac
tions
.
I.
Rem
embe
r at l
east
one
of t
he m
ost s
igni
fica
nt d
eath
s in
you
r lif
etim
e. [
It is
use
ful f
or
care
give
rs to
iden
tifY
all
sign
ific
ant d
eath
s th
ey h
ave
surv
ived
, ift
hey
rem
embe
r mor
e th
an o
ne.]
With
ea
ch d
eath
, try
to: a.
Rem
embe
r whe
re y
ou w
ere
whe
n yo
u w
ere
notif
ied
ofth
e de
ath.
Des
crib
e th
e pl
ace.
b.
Rem
embe
r how
you
wer
e to
ld o
r how
you
lear
ned
of t
he d
eath
. D
escr
ibe
the
wor
ds y
ou r
ead
or h
eard
.
13
c.
Rem
embe
r rea
ctio
ns y
ou h
ad w
hen
you
lear
ned
of t
he d
eath
. D
escr
ibe
thos
e re
acti
ons.
d.
Rem
embe
r wha
t you
and
oth
ers
did
in th
e fi
rst t
wen
ty-f
our h
ours
aft
er y
ou le
arne
d o
f the
dea
th.
Try
to d
evel
op a
chr
onol
ogy
of w
hat h
appe
ned.
Des
crib
e an
y pa
rtic
ular
ly p
ower
ful
mem
orie
s an
d th
e im
pact
oft
hose
eve
nts.
e.
Rem
embe
r wha
t you
did
fro
m th
e ti
me
of n
otif
icat
ion
unti
l the
fun
eral
, bur
ial o
r m
emor
ial s
ervi
ce.
Try
to d
evel
op a
chr
onol
ogy
of w
hat h
appe
ned.
Des
crib
e an
y pa
rtic
ular
ly p
ower
ful
mem
orie
s an
d th
e im
pact
oft
hose
eve
nts.
f R
emem
ber w
hat h
as h
appe
ned
sinc
e th
e de
ath
and
how
that
dea
th a
ffec
ts y
our l
ife
toda
y.
2.
As
you
thin
k o
r tal
k ab
out y
our m
emor
ies,
ask
you
rsel
fhow
thos
e m
emor
ies
rela
te to
w
hat i
s kn
own
as a
com
mon
pat
tern
of g
rief
.
a.
Den
ial-
Did
you
or o
ther
s fi
nd t
he d
eath
har
d to
bel
ieve
or a
ccep
t?
b.
Con
fusi
on a
nd P
rote
st-
Did
you
or o
ther
s be
com
e an
gry
abou
t the
dea
th o
r try
to
arg
ue a
bout
its
real
ity?
Did
you
or o
ther
s be
com
e an
gry
wit
h w
hat h
appe
ned
afte
r the
dea
th?
Did
yo
u o
r oth
ers
feel
ang
er a
t you
rsel
ves
beca
use
of h
ow o
r why
the
pers
on d
ied,
or b
ecau
se o
f gui
lt o
r re
lief
at th
e pe
rson
's d
eath
?
c.
Des
pa
ir-W
as
ther
e a
tim
e w
hen
you
or o
ther
s w
ere
so s
ad th
at li
fe d
idn
't s
eem
w
orth
livi
ng?
d.
Det
ach
men
t-W
as
it d
iffi
cult
to fi
nd e
nerg
y to
do
thin
gs o
r to
beco
me
emot
iona
lly
invo
lved
wit
h ot
her p
eopl
e or
cur
rent
eve
nts
in y
our l
ife?
e.
Inte
grat
ion
or R
eso
luti
on
-Do
you
rem
embe
r a ti
me
whe
n yo
u re
aliz
ed th
at y
ou
coul
d ac
know
ledg
e w
hat h
appe
ned
and
knew
that
you
wer
e go
ing
to g
o o
n w
ith
life
? D
id y
ou m
ake
chan
ges
in y
our a
ttit
udes
, val
ues,
goa
ls, b
ehav
iors
, or l
ifes
tyle
bec
ause
oft
he
pers
on's
dea
th?
3.
Des
crib
e w
ays
you
mou
rned
for t
he d
ecea
sed.
4.
Iden
tifY
thou
ghts
, rea
ctio
ns, o
r fee
ling
s ab
out t
he d
eath
that
bot
her y
ou n
ow.
a.
Are
ther
e re
gret
s th
at y
ou h
ave
abou
t how
the
pers
on d
ied?
b.
Are
ther
e re
gret
s th
at y
ou h
ave
abou
t you
r rel
atio
nshi
p w
ith
the
pers
on a
t the
tim
e of
deat
h?
c.
Did
the
deat
h he
lp to
aff
inn
or ra
ise
ques
tion
s ab
out b
elie
fs y
ou h
ad a
bout
life
and
de
ath
befo
re th
e pe
rson
die
d?
5.
Des
crib
e ho
w th
e de
ath
of t
hat p
erso
n af
fect
s yo
u to
day.
14
toda
y.
a.
Poss
ible
neg
ativ
e eff
ects
.
• Anx
iety
abo
ut y
our o
wn
deat
h or
the
deat
hs o
flov
ed o
nes.
• Fea
r for
or o
ver-
prot
ectiv
enes
s o
f you
r chi
ldre
n.
• Nig
htm
ares
, tho
ught
s or
day
drea
ms
of d
eath
.
• A se
nse
that
you
or o
ther
s w
ill d
ie s
oon.
• Avo
idan
ce o
f dea
th-r
elat
ed th
ough
ts, i
mag
es o
r ritu
als.
• With
draw
al fr
om r
elat
ions
hips
with
oth
ers.
b. P
ossi
ble
posi
tive
effe
cts.
• A re
new
ed s
ense
oft
he m
eani
ng o
flif
e an
d its
con
tinui
ty.
• Inc
reas
ed e
njoy
men
t of e
very
day
life
and
expe
rien
ce.
• A se
nse
of c
onne
ctio
n w
ith th
e de
ceas
ed p
erso
n.
• Com
forti
ng m
emor
ies.
• Inc
reas
ed d
esir
e to
bec
ome
invo
lved
with
oth
ers.
6.
Des
crib
e yo
ur u
nder
stan
ding
of d
eath
-yo
ur b
elie
fs, c
once
rns
or fe
ars.
7.
Des
crib
e ho
w y
ou h
ave
plan
ned
for y
our o
wn
deat
h.
8.
Des
crib
e ho
w y
our e
xper
ienc
e o
f dea
th a
ffec
ts th
e w
ay y
ou li
ve y
our e
very
day
life
B. T
raum
a an
d V
iole
nce
"Tra
umat
ic e
vent
s ar
e ex
trao
rdin
ary,
not
bec
ause
the
y oc
cur
rare
ly,
but r
athe
r be
caus
e th
ey o
verw
helm
the
ord
inar
y hu
man
ad
apta
tion
s to
l([
e. "
-J
ud
ith
Hem
lan
Whi
le m
ost a
dults
hav
e ex
perie
nced
dea
th in
thei
r life
times
, man
y bu
t not
all
adul
ts h
ave
expe
rien
ced
a vi
olen
t, tra
umat
ic e
vent
or s
erie
s of e
vent
s. V
iole
nt tr
aum
a ru
ptur
es a
n in
divi
dual
's ps
ychi
c eq
uilib
rium
and
soc
ial e
nviro
nmen
t. It
frac
ture
s ev
eryd
ay e
xist
ence
and
leav
es th
e in
divi
dual
in a
st
ate
of ch
aos
and
fear
. It
requ
ires
indi
vidu
als
to g
o be
yond
thei
r nor
mal
res
ourc
es to
rega
in a
sens
e o
f or
der a
nd e
quili
briu
m a
nd to
rest
ore
valu
e an
d m
eani
ng to
thei
r liv
es.
15
Car
egiv
ers w
ho h
ave
expe
rien
ced
trau
ma
may
hav
e so
ught
hel
p or
foun
d in
tern
al re
sour
ces
that
ga
ve th
em th
e st
reng
th to
reco
nstr
uct t
heir
sens
es o
f saf
ety,
aut
onom
y, tr
ust,
self
-est
eem
, and
abi
lity
to
esta
blis
h re
latio
nshi
ps w
ith o
ther
s. C
areg
iver
s who
hav
e no
t exp
erie
nced
trau
ma
may
yet
hav
e th
eir
lives
test
ed.
In e
ither
case
, bef
ore
care
give
rs b
egin
to h
elp
trau
ma
surv
ivor
s, it
is im
port
ant t
o re
view
th
eir u
nder
stan
ding
of t
he im
pact
of t
raum
a an
d th
e pr
oces
ses
of r
ecov
ery.
For
thos
e ca
regi
vers
who
ha
ve e
xper
ienc
ed tr
aum
a, it
is a
lso
criti
cal t
o id
entif
Y v
estig
es o
fthe
trau
mat
ic e
xper
ienc
e th
at m
ay
inte
rfer
e w
ith th
eir a
bilit
y to
pro
vide
car
e or
non
-jud
gmen
tal s
uppo
rt to
vic
tims.
The
follo
win
g ex
erci
se c
an b
e he
lpfu
l in
unde
rsta
ndin
g an
d id
entif
Yin
g tra
uma
issu
es w
hich
may
co
ncer
n th
e ca
regi
ver.
As
indi
cate
d ab
ove,
the
exer
cise
can
be
used
with
car
egiv
ers
in tr
aini
ng a
s a
grou
p or
by
indi
vidu
al c
areg
iver
s in
pri
vate
. C
areg
iver
s sh
ould
try
to p
ut th
eir t
houg
hts
or m
emor
ies
into
ve
rbal
or w
ritte
n re
spon
ses
beca
use
it he
lps
give
con
cret
e fo
rm to
thei
r em
otio
ns a
nd r
eact
ions
.
1. R
emem
ber a
vio
lent
eve
nt th
at w
as tr
aum
atic
for y
ou o
r som
eone
you
love
d. A
s yo
u re
mem
ber,
try
to: a.
D
escr
ibe
whe
re y
ou w
ere,
who
you
wer
e w
ith, a
nd w
hat y
ou r
emem
ber s
eein
g,
hear
ing,
sm
ellin
g, to
uchi
ng, o
r doi
ng in
you
r im
med
iate
reac
tion
to th
e tra
uma.
b.
Des
crib
e wha
t hap
pene
d im
med
iate
ly fo
llow
ing
the
traum
atic
eve
nt a
nd y
our
reac
tions
and
thou
ghts
.
c.
Dev
elop
a c
hron
olog
y of
wha
t hap
pene
d an
d de
scri
be a
ny p
artic
ular
ly p
ower
ful
mem
orie
s and
the
impa
ct o
f tho
se e
vent
s.
d.
Des
crib
e w
hat h
as h
appe
ned
sinc
e th
e tr
aum
a an
d ho
w th
ose
even
ts h
ave
affe
cted
yo
ur li
fe to
day.
2.
As
you
thin
k or
talk
abo
ut y
our m
emor
ies,
ask
your
self
how
thos
e m
emor
ies
rela
te to
w
hat i
s kn
own
as a
com
mon
pat
tern
oft
raum
a re
actio
ns.
a.
Shoc
k an
d disbeli~
f-D
id y
ou im
med
iate
ly u
nder
stan
d w
hat h
ad h
appe
ned?
Did
yo
ur s
ense
oft
ime
chan
ge; e
.g.,
did
thin
gs s
eem
to h
appe
n sl
owly
or v
ery
quic
kly?
b.
A n
ger-
Wer
e yo
u an
gry
at w
hat h
appe
ned,
who
did
it, p
eopl
e w
ho c
ame
to h
elp
you,
or o
ther
s? c.
F
ear-
Wer
e yo
u fr
ight
ened
? D
id y
ou fe
ar fo
r you
r lif
e or
the
lives
of o
ther
s?
Was
ther
e a
part
icul
ar p
oint
in ti
me
whe
n yo
u w
ere
mos
t fea
rful
? W
as th
ere
a pa
rtic
ular
poi
nt in
tim
e w
hen
you
belie
ved
you
wer
e sa
fe a
gain
?
d.
Con
fusi
on o
rfru
stra
tion
-D
id y
ou b
ecom
e co
nfus
ed a
bout
wha
t to
do?
Was
th
ere
a pe
riod
oft
ime
that
wen
t by
whe
n yo
u di
dn't
know
wha
t had
hap
pene
d, h
ow it
had
hap
pene
d or
w
hy it
had
hap
pene
d?
16
e.
Gui
lt or
self-
blam
e -
Was
ther
e ev
er a
tim
e w
hen
you
thou
ght t
hat s
omet
hing
you
ha
d do
ne o
r had
n't d
one
had
cont
ribu
ted
to th
e tr
aum
atic
eve
nt?
Did
you
eve
r wor
ry th
at y
ou h
ad
surv
ived
or b
een
less
inju
red
than
som
eone
els
e?
£ S
ha
me-D
id y
ou e
ver t
hink
that
som
ehow
the
even
t mad
e yo
u a
bad
or u
ndes
ir
able
per
son?
Did
you
eve
r thi
nk th
at so
meo
ne e
lse
wou
ld th
ink
less
of y
ou fo
r bei
ng tr
aum
atiz
ed?
g.
Gri
ef-
Wer
e yo
u ve
ry s
ad a
bout
wha
t hap
pene
d?
Wer
e yo
u un
happ
y an
d so
rrow
ful b
ecau
se o
f wha
t you
lost
?
3.
Des
crib
eway
s th
at h
elpe
d yo
u ge
t thr
ough
eve
ryda
y lif
e.
4.
Des
crib
e th
ings
you
did
or t
houg
hts
you
had
that
hel
ped
you
to b
egin
to h
elp
othe
rs
agam
.
5.
Jden
t(1Y
thou
ghts
, rea
ctio
ns, o
r fee
lings
abo
ut th
e tr
aum
a th
at b
othe
r you
now
.
a.
Are
ther
e si
tuat
ions
that
you
avo
id o
r abo
ut w
hich
you
hav
e an
xiet
y be
caus
e th
ey
rem
ind
you
of t
he tr
aum
a?
b.
Are
ther
e pe
ople
who
m y
ou a
void
or a
bout
who
m y
ou h
ave
anxi
ety
beca
use
they
re
min
d yo
u o
f the
trau
ma?
c.
Are
ther
e tim
es w
hen
the
mem
orie
s of
the
even
t are
par
ticul
arly
dif
ficu
lt to
live
with
?
6.
Des
crib
e ho
w th
e tr
aum
a af
fect
s yo
u to
day.
7.
Des
crib
e ho
w th
e tr
aum
a af
fect
s yo
ur v
iew
of t
he fu
ture
.
C.
Alp
habe
t o
f Pos
itiv
e C
areg
iver
Att
ribu
tes
for
Wor
king
Wit
h G
riev
ing
Chi
ldre
n
The
follo
win
g lis
t of c
areg
iver
attr
ibut
es a
nd s
kills
is p
rese
nted
alp
habe
tical
ly to
hel
p ca
regi
vers
re
mem
ber c
ritic
al e
lem
ents
of s
uppo
rtive
cou
nsel
ing
for c
hild
ren.
• A
-A
dvoc
acy
-
• B
-B
elie
f-
The
will
ingn
ess
to a
dvoc
ate
on b
ehal
f oft
he b
est i
nter
est o
f the
ch
ildre
n th
roug
hout
thei
r tra
uma
and
grie
f.
The
will
ingn
ess
to b
elie
ve w
hat c
hild
ren
say
and
thin
k.
• C
-C
omm
unic
atio
n -T
he sk
ills t
o co
mm
unic
ate
with
chi
ldre
n th
roug
h ex
pres
sive
and
ve
rbal
tech
niqu
es in
lang
uage
app
ropr
iate
to th
eir a
ges.
• D
-D
esir
e-T
he d
esire
to le
arn
from
the
child
ren
and
thei
r exp
erie
nces
and
pe
rcep
tions
.
17
• E
-E
mpa
thy
-
• F
-F
eedb
ack
-
• G
-G
uida
nce
-
• H
-H
ones
ty -
• I
-Im
agin
atio
n -
• J
-Ju
dgm
ent -
• K
-K
now
ledg
e -
• L
-L
augh
ter-
• M
-M
emor
y-
The
abi
lity
to re
cogn
ize
and
sym
path
ize
with
feel
ings
of
child
ren.
The
abi
lity
resp
ond
to c
hild
ren
with
val
idat
ing
reas
sura
nce.
The
abi
lity
to g
uide
chi
ldre
n as
they
cla
rifY
thei
r tho
ught
s an
d co
ncer
ns.
The
com
mitm
ent t
o an
swer
the
ques
tions
of c
hi ld
ren
as
hone
stly
and
fact
ually
as
poss
ible
and
nev
er to
mak
e pr
omis
es th
at c
an't
be k
ept.
The
abi
lity
to jo
in in
the
fant
asy
and
play
of c
hild
ren.
The
abi
lity
to m
ake
good
com
mon
sen
se d
ecis
ions
and
to
judi
ciou
sly
solv
e pr
oble
ms t
hat c
hild
ren
may
face
.
The
det
erm
inat
ion
to s
eek
new
kno
wle
dge
and
info
rmat
ion
abou
t chi
ldho
od tr
aum
a an
d gr
ief.
The
cap
acity
to e
xpre
ss a
sen
se o
f hum
or a
nd jo
in in
the
laug
hter
of c
hild
ren.
The
abi
lity
to r
emem
ber o
ne's
ow
n ch
ildho
od, t
raum
as, a
nd
grie
fs in
ord
er to
bet
ter u
nder
stan
d th
e re
actio
ns o
f chi
ldre
n.
• N
-N
on-j
udgm
enta
l-T
he a
bilit
y to
put
bia
ses,
pre
judi
ces,
and
per
sona
l val
ues
asid
e in
ord
er to
sup
port
chi
ldre
n an
d th
eir f
amili
es.
• 0
-O
rgan
izat
ion
-
• P
-Pa
tienc
e -
• Q
-Q
uiet
-
• R
-R
elia
ble
-
• S
-S
ecur
e-
• T
-T
houg
htfu
l-
The
abi
lity
to p
rovi
de c
hild
ren
with
org
aniz
ed ro
utin
es a
nd
stru
ctur
es to
hel
p th
em s
tabi
lize
thei
r wor
ld.
The
cap
acity
to b
e pa
tient
as c
hild
ren
tend
to g
riev
e sp
orad
ical
ly.
The
will
ingn
ess
to u
se s
ilenc
e as
a m
etho
d o
f com
mun
icat
ion
and
to li
sten
qui
etly
and
atte
ntiv
ely.
The
com
mitm
ent t
o be
ing
on ti
me
and
true
to y
our w
ord
to h
elp
child
ren
rebu
ild th
eir a
bilit
y to
trus
t.
To
have
sel
f-es
teem
and
a p
erso
nal s
ense
of s
ecur
ity in
ord
er to
co
nvey
safe
ty a
nd s
ecur
ity to
chi
ldre
n.
The
will
ingn
ess
to th
ink
thro
ugh
new
situ
atio
ns a
nd p
robl
ems
with
a c
hild
-cen
tere
d ph
iloso
phy.
18
• U
-U
nder
stan
ding
-
• V
-V
alue
s-
• W
-W
atch
ful-
·x-
xxx-
• y
-Y
outh
ful-
• Z
-Z
est-
The
cap
acity
to lo
ok a
t thi
ngs
and
unde
rsta
nd th
em b
oth
in a
br
oad
cont
ext a
s w
ell a
s in
the
narr
ow p
ersp
ectiv
e o
f the
m
omen
t.
A c
lear
kno
wle
dge
of o
ne's
ow
n pu
rpos
e in
life
and
the
cons
eque
nt v
alue
s be
hind
one
's w
ork.
The
abi
lity
to b
e at
tent
ive
to th
e ne
eds
and
reac
tions
of
child
ren.
The
abi
lity
to k
now
whe
n ch
ildre
n ne
ed p
hysi
cal c
omfo
rt (h
ugs
and
kiss
es) a
nd b
eing
com
fort
able
with
reac
hing
out
to c
hild
ren
phys
ical
ly (a
nd k
now
ing
prop
er b
ound
arie
s in
pro
vidi
ng p
hysi
cal
com
fort)
.
The
mai
nten
ance
of y
outh
ful a
ttitu
des a
nd b
ehav
iors
in re
spon
se
to s
ugge
stio
ns a
nd th
ough
ts o
f chi
ldre
n.
A c
apac
ity
for
expe
rien
cing
the
zest
ofH
fe w
ith
its
joys
an
d
sorr
ows
and
mos
t of a
ll it
s ho
pe!
19
IV. T
he
Gri
evin
g C
hil
d
Tra
uma
over
whe
lms
a pe
rson
's se
nse
of c
ontr
ol, c
onne
ctio
n an
d m
eani
ng in
life
. It
caus
es a
n in
divi
dual
to e
xper
ienc
e fe
ar, h
elpl
essn
ess
and
isol
atio
n. F
or th
is re
ason
, any
dea
th m
ay b
e tr
aum
atic
for
a ch
ild.
The
dea
th o
f an
elde
rly
gran
dfat
her w
ho w
as th
e so
urce
of n
urtu
ring
, car
egiv
ing,
and
pro
tect
ion
may
be
a tr
aum
atic
eve
nt a
nd so
urce
of g
rief
for a
gra
ndch
ild w
hile
it m
ay b
e an
exp
ecte
d m
omen
t of
sorr
ow in
the
chil
d's
pare
nt's
life
. V
iole
nt d
eath
is e
xper
ienc
ed a
s a d
oubl
e tr
aum
a. T
here
is th
e tr
aum
a o
f dea
th a
nd th
ere
is th
e vi
olen
t tra
uma
that
cau
sed
the
deat
h.
Thi
s se
ctio
n ex
plor
es th
e ty
pica
l dev
elop
men
tal s
tage
s o
f chi
ldre
n an
d th
eir r
eact
ions
to tr
aum
a,
and
conc
lude
s w
ith a
look
at h
ow tr
aum
a re
actio
ns a
re r
elat
ed to
gri
ef re
actio
ns.
A. D
evel
opm
ent S
tage
s A
ffec
t the
Tra
uma
and
Gri
ef
Rea
ctio
ns
of C
hild
ren
Rea
ctio
ns te
nd to
mir
ror g
row
th s
tage
s an
d fo
cus
on th
e le
vel a
nd n
atur
e o
f the
pri
mar
y ne
eds
at th
e tim
e o
f the
trau
ma
as w
ell a
s th
e ab
ility
to a
bsor
b in
form
atio
n an
d re
mem
ber.
Chi
ldre
n ne
ed to
pro
cess
thei
r tra
umas
and
gri
efth
roug
h ea
ch d
evel
opm
enta
l sta
ge.
Ifth
e tr
aum
a an
d gr
ief
inhi
bit,
dela
y, o
r cau
se a
chi
ld to
"sk
ip"
a de
velo
pmen
tal s
tage
, the
re w
ill b
e a
need
to g
o ba
ck a
nd
revi
sit t
hat s
tage
in li
ght o
f the
trau
mat
ic g
rief.
Chi
ldre
n al
so p
roce
ss th
eir g
rief
mor
e sl
owly
than
adu
lts.
Thi
s m
ay b
e du
e to
sev
eral
asp
ects
re
latin
g to
thei
r rea
ctio
ns to
dea
th.
Chi
ldre
n do
not
fully
gra
sp th
e pe
rman
ence
of d
eath
. C
hild
ren
are
unab
le to
sus
tain
con
scio
us s
adne
ss fo
r lon
g pe
riod
s oft
ime.
Chi
ldre
n do
not
usu
ally
den
y th
e tr
aum
a o
f de
ath
but t
hey
may
den
y th
e re
ality
oft
he d
eath
. Fu
rther
, the
y do
not
hav
e an
alte
rnat
ive
real
ity th
at
assu
res
them
oft
he p
ossi
bilit
y o
f fin
ding
new
rela
tions
hips
to re
ly u
pon.
Chi
ldre
n m
ay b
ecom
e "s
tuck
" in
one
pha
se o
f the
mou
rnin
g pr
oces
s fo
r mon
ths
or y
ears
at a
tim
e.
Den
ial o
f dea
th's
per
man
ence
may
resu
lt in
dre
ams,
day
drea
ms
and
nigh
tmar
es o
fthe
de
ceas
ed, w
aitin
g fo
r the
dec
ease
d's
retu
rn, v
isio
ns o
f reu
nifi
catio
n w
ith th
e de
ceas
ed, b
elie
fin
rein
carn
atio
ns a
nd p
aran
orm
al b
ehav
iors
(eve
nts t
hat c
anno
t be
expl
aine
d ra
tiona
lly o
r log
ical
ly).
Ang
er a
nd
prot
est a
t dea
th is
oft
en d
ispl
aced
on
pare
nts,
pee
rs, o
r adu
lts in
aut
hori
ty.
Pare
nts
who
hav
e "f
aile
d to
pro
tect
" ch
ildre
n or
are
per
ceiv
ed to
hav
e be
en n
eglig
ent i
n th
eir d
utie
s m
ay b
e th
e ta
rget
s fo
r rag
e. T
hey
may
als
o be
com
e th
e fo
cus
of a
nger
whe
n th
ey fa
il to
exh
ibit
open
gri
efbe
caus
e ch
ildre
n so
met
imes
thin
k th
at s
uch
failu
re m
eans
that
the
pare
nts
didn
't ca
re a
bout
the
deat
h. C
hild
ren
ofte
n m
anif
est t
heir
ang
er a
t sch
ool o
r in
the
neig
hbor
hood
bec
ause
par
ents
see
m to
o bu
sy to
take
no
tice.
Des
pair
may
be
man
ifes
ted
thro
ugh
extr
aord
inar
y se
lf-b
lam
e an
d bT
Uilt b
y ch
ildre
n ov
er th
e de
ath.
Som
ethi
ng th
ey d
id c
ause
d so
meo
ne e
lse
to d
ie-e
ven
ifth
e su
ppos
ed c
ause
is r
oote
d in
ev
eryd
ay b
ehav
iors
or c
hild
hood
thou
ghts
. D
espa
ir c
an a
lso
be a
con
sequ
ence
of e
mot
iona
l num
bing
su
ch th
at th
e ch
ild s
ees
no re
ason
to li
ve w
hen
life
has
no jo
y or
mea
ning
.
21
Eve
ntua
l res
olut
ion
of g
rief
in c
hild
ren
is o
ften
impe
ded
beca
use
they
do
not k
now
how
to th
ink
abou
t or p
lan
for a
futu
re.
The
y do
not
kno
w h
ow to
dev
elop
new
rel
atio
nshi
ps a
nd e
stab
lish
conn
ec
tions
with
oth
ers.
B. C
hil
dh
ood
Dev
elop
men
tal S
tage
s
1. I
nfan
ts a
nd T
oddl
ers
(Age
s 0-
2)
• In
fant
s ha
ve li
mite
d ve
rbal
cap
acity
to e
xpre
ss th
eir n
eeds
or e
mot
ions
. H
owev
er,
they
exh
ibit
sign
ific
ant p
hysi
cal d
istr
ess
if da
ily n
eeds
are
not
met
. T
hey
also
reta
in p
hysi
cal m
emor
ies o
f tr
aum
atic
eve
nts
even
thou
gh th
ey m
ay n
ever
be
able
to a
rtic
ulat
e th
ese
mem
orie
s or
retr
ieve
cle
ar
imag
es o
fthe
eve
nts.
A p
hysi
cal m
emor
y (o
r "im
prin
t") o
ccur
s w
hen
the
body
reca
lls s
enso
ry p
erce
ptio
ns o
ftra
umat
ic e
vent
s. M
uch
late
r, un
expl
aine
d ph
ysic
al p
ains
can
occ
ur th
at a
re r
elat
ed to
thes
e ph
ysic
al m
emor
ies.
• In
fant
s in
itial
ly e
xper
ienc
e th
eir m
othe
rs a
s ex
tens
ions
oft
hem
selv
es w
ith n
o cl
ear
dist
inct
ion
betw
een
self
and
othe
r. A
s th
ey g
row
old
er, t
hey
may
bec
ome
mor
e aw
are
of d
iffe
rent
iatio
n bu
t the
y st
ill s
ee th
eir p
rim
ary
care
take
rs a
s ex
istin
g so
lely
to m
eet t
heir
nee
ds.
• In
fant
s la
ck a
sens
e o
f obj
ect p
erm
anen
ce u
ntil
arou
nd o
ne y
ear o
f age
. W
hen
peop
le le
ave
the
imm
edia
te p
rese
nce
of i
nfan
ts, i
nfan
ts fe
ar th
at th
ey a
re g
one
fore
ver.
As
infa
nts g
row
to
two
year
s ol
d th
ey b
egin
to e
xplo
re th
eir o
wn
inde
pend
ence
and
aut
onom
y. H
owev
er, t
hey
need
co
nsta
nt re
assu
ranc
e th
at th
eir a
dult
care
give
rs w
ill b
e av
aila
ble
whe
n ne
eded
.
• D
eath
of a
par
ent i
s exp
erie
nced
as
a cr
itica
l los
s an
d le
aves
an
infa
nt fe
arfu
l and
an
xiou
s. I
t may
als
o be
exp
erie
nced
as
abse
nce
-th
e de
ath
is d
efin
ed n
ot b
y th
e ex
iste
nce
of a
par
ent
who
is n
ow g
one
but b
y th
e no
nexi
sten
ce o
f a p
aren
t who
sho
uld
be th
ere.
Dea
ths o
f sig
nifi
cant
oth
ers
may
als
o be
exp
erie
nced
as
loss
ifth
e ch
ild re
tain
s a
sens
ory
or e
mot
iona
l mem
ory
of t
hat p
erso
n's
pres
ence
. If
the
infa
nt o
r tod
dler
is e
xpos
ed to
the
trau
mat
ic e
vent
that
cau
sed
deat
h, th
e ex
posu
re m
ay
leav
e th
e ch
ild n
umb
and
mut
ed.
It m
ay im
pede
the
initi
al g
row
th o
f aut
onom
y an
d in
depe
nden
t fun
ctio
ning
.
• T
he c
hild
will
hav
e lit
tle c
onsc
ious
und
erst
andi
ng o
fthe
loss
or t
raum
a, b
ut a
s th
e ch
ild g
row
s ol
der m
ay p
ut w
ords
to th
e ev
ent a
s th
ey s
eek
to u
nder
stan
d th
eir i
mpr
essi
ons.
2. P
re-S
choo
l (A
ges
2 to
6)
• C
hild
ren
usua
lly b
ecom
e ve
rbal
bet
wee
n tw
o an
d fo
ur.
Pres
choo
l chi
ldre
n of
ten
talk
wel
l. T
hey
can
tell
abou
t wha
t the
y ea
t and
toys
they
pla
y w
ith, b
ut d
o no
t und
erst
and
less
tang
ible
co
ncep
ts.
Dea
th m
ay b
e th
ough
t of a
s a
diff
eren
t sta
te b
ut n
ot p
erm
anen
t. C
hild
ren
ofte
n be
lieve
in a
nd
expe
rien
ce v
isita
tions
from
the
dead
per
son
thro
ugh
ghos
ts, s
piri
ts o
r rei
ncar
natio
ns.
• T
hey
may
not
be
able
to d
iscu
ss e
vent
s or
inci
dent
s in
term
s o
f tim
e an
d sp
ace,
be
caus
e th
eir u
nder
stan
ding
of t
hose
con
cept
s ar
e re
late
d on
ly to
con
cret
e or
per
sona
l con
cern
s. I
f ch
ildre
n ar
e as
ked
whe
n so
met
hing
hap
pene
d -
in te
rms
of a
mon
th, d
ay, o
r yea
r, th
ey m
ay n
ot b
e ab
le
22
•
to a
nsw
er.
But
ifth
ey a
re a
sked
whe
ther
an
even
t hap
pene
d be
fore
or a
fter
thei
r bir
thda
ys, s
peci
fic
holid
ays,
the
begi
nnin
g o
f sch
ool o
r oth
er si
gnif
ican
t eve
nts,
they
are
like
ly to
pro
vide
a re
ason
able
re
spon
se.
• T
he fo
cus
for c
hild
ren
ofth
is a
ge is
on
thei
r im
med
iate
life
. N
ones
sent
ial d
etai
ls, f
or
them
, are
oft
en fo
rgot
ten
or p
erha
ps in
tegr
ated
with
thei
r ow
n pe
rcep
tion
of i
mpo
rtan
t eve
nts.
• C
hild
ren
at th
is a
ge a
re a
ctiv
ely
enga
ged
in d
isco
veri
ng a
larg
er w
orld
than
the
hom
e or
the
imm
edia
te fa
mily
. T
his
role
of d
isco
vere
r is
need
ed to
ach
ieve
gre
ater
inde
petid
ence
in p
hysi
cal
abili
ties a
nd re
latio
nshi
ps, b
ut it
is q
uite
cha
lleng
ing.
Chi
ldre
n m
ust l
earn
that
they
can
trus
t the
ir e
nvir
on
men
t and
thei
r rel
atio
nshi
ps to
sta
y so
mew
hat s
tabl
e if
they
are
goin
g to
ven
ture
into
new
wor
lds.
T
raum
a an
d lo
ss in
terf
ere
with
the
deve
lopm
ent o
f an
unde
rsta
ndin
g of
trus
t and
sec
urity
.
• T
he m
ost c
omm
on c
omm
unic
atio
n de
vice
for t
he p
resc
hool
chi
ld is
pla
y. P
layi
ng
rem
ains
a k
ey fo
rm o
f com
mun
icat
ion
for o
lder
chi
ldre
n as
wel
l. It
is a
nont
hrea
teni
ng la
ngua
ge w
hich
ca
n m
ask
dire
ct c
onfr
onta
tion
with
non
thre
aten
ing
issu
es.
But
whi
le p
layi
ng is
an
impo
rtan
t mod
e o
f co
mm
unic
atio
n fo
r all
child
ren,
it is
ext
raor
dina
rily
impo
rtan
t in
pre-
scho
oler
s. T
heir,
verb
al a
bilit
y ca
n be
goo
d, b
ut th
eir s
ecur
ity re
mai
ns m
ore
inta
ct th
roug
h "a
ctin
g-ou
t" th
an th
roug
h la
ngua
ge.
• Fa
ntas
y is
an
inte
gral
par
t of p
lay.
It s
erve
s a
usef
ul p
urpo
se in
pro
vidi
ng c
hild
ren
with
an
outle
t for
thei
r fea
rs, h
opes
and
dre
ams.
Fan
tasy
invo
lves
mag
ical
thin
king
and
viv
id im
agin
ings
bu
t suc
h th
ough
ts a
re g
roun
ded
in o
bser
ved
real
ity.
Lac
k o
f con
cept
ual d
evel
opm
ent m
eans
that
you
ng
child
ren
can'
t ext
rapo
late
wel
l fro
m c
oncr
ete
to a
bstr
act t
houg
ht.
Hen
ce, m
any
ofth
eir f
anta
sies
invo
lve
mim
icry
, ant
hrop
omor
phis
ms,
and
var
iatio
ns o
n pe
rcei
ved
real
ity.
• T
hey
may
als
o be
lieve
that
wha
t the
y th
ink
abou
t som
ethi
ng c
an c
ause
it to
hap
pen.
Su
ch e
goce
ntri
c th
ough
ts m
ay c
ause
you
ng c
hild
ren
to b
elie
ve th
at s
omet
hing
they
did
or s
aid
caus
ed
the
deat
h o
f a lo
ve o
ne.
Chi
ldre
n m
ay u
se m
agic
al th
inki
ng to
con
stru
ct a
ltern
ativ
e re
aliti
es w
hen
the
wor
ld a
roun
d th
em is
pai
nful
. M
ost c
an d
istin
guis
h co
ncre
te fa
ct fr
om f
anta
sy b
ut m
ay h
ave
mor
e di
ffic
ulty
und
erst
andi
ng re
al v
ersu
s im
agin
ary
caus
es fo
r eve
nt.
In to
day'
s w
orld
, som
etim
es th
ey m
ay
beco
me
conf
used
with
wha
t is "
real
" on
tele
visi
on a
nd w
hat i
s re
al li
fe.
3. S
choo
l-A
ge C
hild
ren
(Age
s 6-
10)
• Sc
hool
-age
is m
arke
d by
rapi
d co
gniti
ve a
nd c
ompe
tenc
y de
velo
pmen
t. C
hild
ren
tend
to b
e ab
le to
form
ulat
e an
d ar
ticul
ate
conc
epts
, as
wel
l as
unde
rsta
nd m
ultid
imen
sion
al id
eas,
eve
n th
ough
they
may
not
be
able
to in
depe
nden
tly id
entif
Y s
uch
dim
ensi
ons.
For
exa
mpl
e, th
ey u
sual
ly h
ave
been
exp
osed
to d
eath
and
hav
e th
ough
ts a
bout
it, b
ut m
ay s
till t
hink
of i
t as
reve
rsib
le.
Dea
th m
ay b
e ex
tern
aliz
ed in
con
cret
e fe
ars
and
imag
es o
f mon
ster
s, s
cary
ani
mal
s or p
eopl
e, o
r ani
mat
ed in
anim
ate
obje
cts.
The
ir th
ough
ts a
lso
may
be
shap
ed b
y m
ispe
rcep
tions
and
myt
hs o
verh
eard
from
oth
ers
or
seen
in th
e m
edia
. • C
hild
ren
beco
me
less
ego
cent
ric
and
deve
lop
an a
bilit
y to
see
thin
gs fr
om a
noth
er
pers
on's
per
spec
tive.
How
ever
, thi
s ab
ility
may
incr
ease
con
flic
ted
feel
ings
abo
ut a
noth
er p
erso
n's
deat
h. T
he d
eath
of a
sib
ling
may
cau
se a
chi
ld to
fear
his
or h
er o
wn
mor
talit
y, fe
el b
ad b
ecau
se th
e si
blin
g is
gone
, fee
l ang
ry w
ith p
aren
ts fo
r the
ir p
reoc
cupa
tion
with
gri
evin
g to
the
excl
usio
n of
the
surv
ivin
g ch
ild, o
r fee
l gui
lty a
bout
wis
hing
the
sibl
ing
dead
at s
ome
time.
.,>
23
• Sc
hool
-age
chi
ldre
n re
late
muc
h be
tter t
o tim
e an
d sp
ace.
In
par
t thi
s oc
curs
be
caus
e th
ey b
egin
to d
evel
op re
latio
nshi
ps w
ith o
ther
peo
ple
and
thin
gs o
utsi
de o
fthe
ir o
wn
hom
e.
The
fact
that
they
mus
t be
at s
choo
l at c
erta
in ti
mes
and
day
s gi
ves
them
a m
ore
prec
ise
fram
e o
f re
fere
nce.
Wee
kday
s no
w b
ecom
e di
stin
guis
habl
e fr
om w
eeke
nds.
• C
hild
ren
beco
me
incr
easi
ngly
abl
e to
sus
tain
em
otio
nal a
ffec
t but
may
find
it d
iffic
ult
to to
lera
te th
e pa
in o
f gri
effo
r any
leng
th o
ftim
e. A
dults
may
vie
w c
hild
ren'
s nat
ural
nee
d to
spo
radi
ca
lly d
ista
nce
them
selv
es fr
om s
adne
ss a
s an
abs
ence
of g
rief
Chi
ldre
n ra
rely
for
get t
heir
sorr
ow b
ut
visi
t and
revi
sit i
n sh
ort,
inte
nse
peri
ods
of t
ime
punc
tuat
ed b
y a
dete
rmin
atio
n to
dis
trac
t the
mse
lves
w
ith o
ther
thin
gs. •
As
child
ren
grow
old
er th
ey o
ften
bec
ome
mor
e co
nsci
ous
of r
ight
and
wro
ng.
Thi
ngs
seem
to b
e bl
ack
or w
hite
. T
here
is li
ttle
room
in th
eir t
houg
hts
for t
he g
rays
. If
they
thin
k th
at
they
did
som
ethi
ng w
rong
, gui
lt m
ay b
e ov
erw
helm
ing.
I ft
hey
thin
k th
at o
ther
s ha
ve d
one
som
ethi
ng
wro
ng, a
nger
and
bla
me
char
acte
rize
thei
r atti
tude
s to
war
d th
ose
pers
ons.
• Pl
ay is
an
impo
rtan
t par
t of c
omm
unic
atio
n fo
r sch
ool-
age
child
ren;
how
ever
, the
y ne
ed to
be
able
to e
xpla
in th
e pu
rpos
e of
thei
r pla
yas
they
bec
ome
mor
e ve
rbal
. Sc
hool
-age
chi
ldre
n of
ten
crea
te "
savi
or"
endi
ngs
whe
n th
ey re
tell
stor
ies
of t
raum
a in
an
effo
rt to
ree
stab
lish
a se
nse
of
safe
ty a
nd m
aste
ry o
ver a
n ev
ent.
As
they
gro
w o
lder
, the
y m
ay b
ecom
e m
ore
inte
rest
ed in
gam
es o
r pl
ay th
at is
gov
erne
d by
rule
s an
d co
nven
tions
. T
his
is a
par
t oft
heir
dev
elop
men
tal e
ffor
ts to
inte
rnal
ize
cont
rol a
nd b
ecom
e in
crea
sing
ly in
depe
nden
t fro
m a
dults
.
4. E
arly
Ado
lesc
ence
(10
-13
for
girl
s, 1
2-15
for
boy
s)
• T
his
stag
e o
f dev
elop
men
t may
wel
l be
one
ofth
e m
ost a
wkw
ard
and
diff
icul
t for
m
ost c
hild
ren.
The
abr
uptn
ess o
f phy
sica
l cha
nge
alon
g w
ith th
e re
late
d em
otio
nal u
phea
vals
that
ac
com
pany
incr
easi
ng n
eeds
for
inde
pend
ence
and
gre
ater
feel
ings
of i
nsec
urity
are
maj
or so
urce
s o
f st
ress
to c
hild
ren.
Mor
e ch
ildre
n in
this
age
gro
up ta
lk a
bout
str
ess-
rela
ted
sym
ptom
s: n
ause
a, h
ead
ache
s, s
leep
dis
turb
ance
s, fr
eque
nt c
ryin
g sp
ells
, and
so
on.
• Pr
eado
lesc
ence
and
ado
lesc
ence
bri
ngs
with
it a
sol
id c
once
pt o
f dea
th. B
ut su
dden
de
ath
may
und
erm
ine
an e
mer
ging
sens
e o
f aut
onom
y at
the
sam
e tim
e as
it m
ay p
rope
l chi
ldre
n in
to
earl
y ad
ulth
ood.
Dea
th is
not
equ
ated
with
imag
inar
y m
onst
ers
or in
carn
atio
ns b
ut ra
ther
is p
erce
ived
as
a bi
olog
ical
pro
cess
. Fe
ars
abou
t dea
th m
ay f
ocus
on
the
dyin
g pr
oces
s an
d th
e co
nseq
uenc
es o
fthe
de
ath
for t
he li
ving
.
• T
he e
mot
iona
l rol
ler-
coas
ter t
hat a
chi
ld d
eals
with
at t
his
age
is m
anif
este
d in
wid
e m
ood
swin
gs.
The
ir o
wn
iden
tity
is n
ot c
lear
ly e
stab
lishe
d an
d th
eir s
elf-
este
em is
sha
ky.
Bra
vado
and
ag
gres
sive
beh
avio
rs m
ay b
e us
ed to
dis
guis
e th
eir v
ulne
rabi
litie
s.
• In
ear
ly a
dole
scen
ce, c
hild
ren
beco
me
mor
e pr
eocc
upie
d w
ith p
eer r
elat
ions
hips
an
d be
gin
to d
istr
ust a
dult
inte
rpre
tatio
ns o
fthe
wor
ld.
• T
here
is a
tend
ency
to in
vest
em
otio
nal i
nten
sity
in a
ll ph
ases
oft
heir
live
s. E
vent
s ar
e of
ten
perc
eive
d sy
mbo
lical
ly.
Incr
ease
d ab
ilitie
s to
und
erst
and
abst
ract
ions
may
resu
lt in
intr
ospe
ctiv
e se
arch
es fo
r the
mea
ning
ofl
ife
and
deat
h.
24
• •
• Id
eals
and
com
mitm
ents
are
vie
wed
as
a sa
cred
trus
t. B
etra
yal o
f pro
mis
es, v
ows,
or
rela
tions
hips
is ra
rely
tole
rate
d ev
en w
hen
bein
g fa
ithfu
l to
them
may
be
hann
ful t
o th
e ch
ildre
n w
ho
hold
them
.
• W
ords
mea
n a
grea
t dea
l to
the
prea
dole
scen
t and
the
adol
esce
nt c
hild
. St
orie
s,
play
s, p
oetr
y, a
nd m
usic
lyri
cs o
ften
ser
ve a
s a
basi
s fo
r ex
pre
ssio
n-b
oth
thos
e w
ritte
n by
oth
ers
and
thos
e cr
eate
d by
the
child
.
5. A
dole
scen
ce (
13-1
8)
• N
orm
ally
, ado
lesc
ence
tend
s to
incr
ease
the
emot
iona
l uph
eava
l of p
read
oles
cenc
e.
Thi
s adj
ustm
ent p
erio
d se
ems
desi
gned
bio
logi
cally
to h
elp
us m
ove
to a
dulth
ood;
how
ever
, the
wor
ld is
so
com
plex
that
suc
h gr
owth
stil
l may
see
m to
com
e to
o fa
st.
Chi
ldre
n of
ten
wan
t ind
epen
denc
e bu
t in
real
ity a
re u
nabl
e to
wor
k w
ithin
suc
h in
depe
nden
ce a
nd h
ence
may
sim
ulta
neou
sly
wan
t mor
e gu
idan
ce
and
stru
ctur
e in
thei
r liv
es.
Thi
s m
ay b
e pa
rtic
ular
ly tr
ue i
f the
chi
ld h
as b
een
abus
ed a
nd fe
els
out o
f co
ntro
l.
• T
heir
beh
avio
r ten
ds to
see
m in
cons
iste
nt.
Ado
lesc
ents
oft
en lo
ve a
nd h
ate
the
sam
e pe
rson
at t
he s
ame
mom
ent.
Ang
er m
ay m
anif
est i
tsel
f as
rage
, and
sor
row
may
bec
ome
suic
idal
. A
s a
coro
llary
to th
eir n
eed
for
inde
pend
ence
they
oft
en h
ave
a gr
eat n
eed
for p
riva
cy a
nd h
ence
be
com
e ve
ry s
ecre
tive.
Con
fide
nces
may
be
offe
red
spor
adic
ally
and
may
be
pepp
ered
with
unt
ruth
ful
ness
whe
n sh
ared
with
adu
lts.
• T
he im
med
iacy
of d
eath
whe
n it
affe
cts
teen
ager
s is
in s
tark
con
tras
t to
thei
r des
ire
to s
ee d
eath
as
a pa
rt o
f a fa
r dis
tant
futu
re.
Som
etim
es th
eir a
ctiv
ities
cen
ter a
roun
d pr
ovin
g th
em
selv
es m
ore
pow
erfu
l tha
n de
ath.
Inv
olve
men
t in
risk
-tak
ing
activ
ities
may
be
exac
erba
ted
by th
e lo
ss
of r
isk-
inhi
bitio
ns d
ue to
trau
mat
izat
ion.
• T
hey
ofte
n ex
pres
s th
emse
lves
by
actin
g ou
t and
thro
ugh
expe
rim
entin
g w
ith n
ew
beha
vior
s. V
iole
nce
may
be
used
as
an e
xpre
ssio
n o
f man
hood
by
som
e yo
ung
mal
es.
Subs
tanc
e us
e an
d vi
olat
ion
ofth
e la
w m
ay b
e pe
rcei
ved
as a
stat
emen
t aga
inst
adu
lt st
anda
rds
or a
s ad
mis
sion
to th
e ad
ult w
orld
.
• M
ost a
dole
scen
ts a
re c
reat
ive
and
ener
getic
and
wan
t con
trol
ove
r how
thos
e en
ergi
es a
re c
hann
eled
. T
hey
are
likel
y to
que
stio
n ad
ult a
utho
rity
and
dec
isio
n-m
akin
g in
whi
ch th
ey
are
not a
ctiv
e pa
rtic
ipan
ts.
• T
heir
cre
ativ
ity in
crea
sing
ly is
man
ifes
ted
thro
ugh
thec
reat
ion
of t
heir
ow
n sy
mbo
ls,
activ
ities
and
wor
ds to
exp
ress
them
selv
es.
Slan
g, fa
shio
n fa
ds, d
ance
fads
and
alte
rnat
ive
mus
ic s
tyle
s ar
e al
l exa
mpl
es o
fthi
s ne
ed fo
r cre
ativ
e ex
pres
sion
.
25
C. C
hil
dre
n's
Rea
ctio
ns t
o T
raum
a at
An
y D
evel
opm
ent
Stag
e ar
e A
ffec
ted
by
the
Imp
act
of "
Par
ent L
oss"
1. A
ctu
al L
oss
ofP
aren
t(s)
A v
iole
nt, t
raum
atic
eve
nt m
ay c
ause
the
deat
h o
f a p
aren
t. C
hild
ren
then
mus
t cop
e w
ith th
e sh
ocko
fthe
eve
nt b
ut a
lso
with
the
sudd
en lo
ss o
f one
of t
he m
ost i
mpo
rtan
t peo
ple
in th
e w
orld
to th
em.
Pare
nts
are
norm
ally
the
sour
ce o
f nur
turi
ng, c
are,
and
sta
bilit
y. T
hey
are
the
focu
s o
f a
chil
d's
sens
e o
f sec
urity
and
pro
tect
thei
r chi
ldre
n fr
om h
arm
. If
a pa
rent
sud
denl
y di
es, t
he c
hild
is le
ft
feel
ing
scar
ed a
nd v
ulne
rabl
e. I
nfan
ts a
nd to
ddle
rs m
ay o
nly
rem
embe
r fle
etin
g im
ages
or f
eelin
gs
asso
ciat
ed w
ith th
e pa
rent
, but
they
may
exp
erie
nce
the
abse
nce
of a
fath
er o
r mot
her a
s a
loss
thro
ugh
adul
thoo
d. S
ome
olde
r chi
ldre
n m
ay re
gres
s to
infa
nt b
ehav
iors
in a
n ef
fort
to r
ecap
ture
the
time
whe
n th
ey fe
lt sa
fe.
How
ever
, man
y ol
der c
hild
ren
seem
to a
ccel
erat
e th
eir m
atur
atio
n pr
oces
s, ta
king
on
adul
t rol
es a
nd b
ehav
iors
.
Som
etim
es tr
aum
atic
eve
nts
sepa
rate
par
ents
from
thei
r chi
ldre
n or
cau
se th
em to
aba
ndon
a
child
. If
child
ren
can'
t und
erst
and
why
or h
ow th
e se
para
tion
occu
rred
, the
loss
of a
par
ent u
nder
suc
h ci
rcum
stan
ces
harm
s chi
ldre
n's a
bilit
ies
to tr
ust o
ther
s, a
nd a
lso
thei
r sel
f-es
teem
.
If a
pare
nt is
the
caus
e of
the
trau
ma,
thro
ugh
acci
dent
al o
r cri
min
al b
ehav
ior,
the
loss
of t
he
pare
nt m
ay b
e co
mpl
icat
ed b
y fe
elin
gs o
f alie
natio
n, b
etra
yal,
and
even
hat
e. R
age
may
bec
ome
a do
min
ant r
eact
ion
tow
ard
the
pare
nt a
s w
ell a
s ot
hers
that
the
child
vie
ws
as c
onsp
irat
ors
with
the
pare
nt.
Chi
ldre
n m
ay b
lam
e th
emse
lves
for t
heir
par
ent's
act
ions
and
car
ry a
bur
den
of g
uilt
into
ad
ulth
ood.
2. P
erce
ived
Los
s o
f Par
ent(
s)
Chi
ldre
n te
nd to
look
to s
igni
fica
nt a
dult
figur
es in
thei
r liv
es fo
r rea
ssur
ance
abo
ut th
eir
own
reac
tions
and
to le
arn
how
to g
riev
e. P
aren
ts a
nd te
ache
rs a
re n
atur
al m
odel
s o
f beh
avio
r. H
ow
ever
, oft
en p
aren
ts a
nd o
ther
sig
nifi
cant
adu
lts in
a c
hild
's li
fe a
re u
nava
ilabl
e to
the
child
aft
er a
trau
m
atic
eve
nt b
ecau
se p
aren
ts a
re s
o in
volv
ed w
ith o
ther
con
cern
s. T
hey
may
als
o be
per
ceiv
ed to
be
unav
aila
ble
beca
use
they
don
't un
ders
tand
chi
ldre
n's
reac
tions
, avo
id o
r den
y th
at s
uch
reac
tions
are
of
ten
inte
nse
and
com
plex
, or s
impl
y do
n't o
bser
ve th
e re
actio
ns.
Pare
nt lo
ss m
ay b
e ex
peri
ence
d w
hen
pare
nts
beco
me
cons
umed
with
thei
r ow
n lo
sses
or
reac
tions
to a
trau
ma.
It i
s of
ten
diff
icul
t to
cope
with
the
impa
ct o
f vio
lenc
e an
d to
off
er c
omfo
rt to
ch
ildre
n at
the
sam
e tim
e. S
ome
pare
nts m
ay e
ven
fall
into
beh
avio
rs in
whi
ch th
ey a
ssum
e a
child
like
role
whi
le th
eir c
hild
ren
take
on
adul
t rol
es in
thei
r rel
atio
nshi
ps.
3. A
ctu
al o
r P
erce
ived
Par
ent
Los
s C
an b
e M
ore
Tra
umat
ic T
han
the
Tra
uma
Eve
nt I
tsel
f
Pare
nt lo
ss c
an a
ffec
t how
chi
ldre
n la
ter c
ope
with
adu
lthoo
d. S
ince
chi
ldre
n te
nd to
m
odel
thei
r ow
n be
havi
ors
on p
aren
t beh
avio
rs, p
aren
t los
s m
ay h
ave
an im
pact
on
a ch
ild'
s ow
n
26
•
•
pare
ntin
g sk
ills.
It m
ay h
ave
an im
pact
on
how
the
child
dea
ls w
ith o
ther
adv
ersi
ties
and
how
chi
ldre
n co
pe w
ith tr
aum
a w
hen
they
are
adu
lts.
D. C
hil
d a
nd A
du
lt G
rief
Rea
ctio
ns a
re E
xace
rbat
ed
by V
iole
nt T
raum
atic
Los
s
1. I
nte
nsi
ty o
f Em
otio
n In
crea
ses
Sinc
e m
ost g
rief
reac
tions
are
sim
ilar t
o tr
aum
a re
actio
ns, t
raum
a an
d gr
ief h
ave
a m
ultip
lier e
ffec
t on
emot
iona
l res
pons
es.
Ang
er a
t the
trau
mat
ic e
vent
or t
he p
erpe
trat
ors
ofth
e ev
ent
are
mad
e m
ore
com
plex
by
grie
ving
pro
test
ove
r los
s. F
ear o
r ter
ror a
bout
the
vuln
erab
ility
of o
ne's
ow
n lif
e is
com
plic
ated
by
the
real
kno
wle
dge
ofth
e de
ath
of o
ther
s. C
onfu
sion
abo
ut w
hat h
appe
ned,
ho
w it
hap
pene
d, o
r why
it h
appe
ned,
mir
rors
con
fusi
on a
bout
the
mea
ning
ofl
ife
and
the
mea
ning
of
deat
h. T
here
is a
lso
grie
f ove
r the
trau
ma,
com
poun
ded
by th
e gr
ief o
ver t
he c
onse
quen
t dea
th.
2. D
ura
tion
of G
rief
May
be
Ext
end
ed f
or Y
ears
Gri
evin
g re
actio
ns fo
llow
ing
expe
cted
dea
th m
ay la
st fo
r a y
ear o
r tw
o. G
rief
spas
ms
-w
hen
peop
le a
re r
emin
ded
ofth
e de
ath
of s
omeo
ne w
hom
they
love
d -
ofte
n ar
e fe
lt fo
r a Ii
fetim
e.
Gri
evin
g re
actio
ns fo
llow
ing
an u
nexp
ecte
d de
ath
may
be
unre
solv
ed fo
r fiv
e or
ten
year
s.
The
trau
ma
of t
he lo
ss m
ust b
e de
alt w
ith b
efor
e no
rmal
gri
evin
g m
ay b
egin
. T
his
mea
ns a
n in
divi
dual
end
ures
the
cris
is re
actio
n o
f sho
ck, d
isbe
lief,
ange
r, fe
ar, f
rust
ratio
n, s
ham
e, g
uilt
or g
rief
in re
spon
se to
the
trau
ma
and
may
suf
fer l
ong-
term
str
ess
reac
tions
due
to th
e im
pact
oft
he tr
aum
a. O
ften
, in
the
proc
ess
of
copi
ng w
ith th
e tr
aum
a, p
eopl
e ha
ve li
ttle
abili
ty to
face
the
fina
lity
and
impa
ct o
f dea
th.
The
ir a
bilit
ies
may
be
impe
ded
beca
use
trau
ma
issu
es a
re f
orce
d to
be
reex
peri
ence
d re
peat
edly
bec
ause
of i
nvol
ve
men
t in
the
crim
inal
just
ice
syst
em, c
ivil
litig
atio
n, o
r ref
lect
ions
by
the
med
ia.
Gri
ef m
ay a
lso
be c
onfu
sin
g be
caus
e of
the
exte
nt o
flos
ses.
Som
eone
love
d ha
s di
ed, b
ut th
e tr
aum
atic
eve
nt m
ay a
lso
have
ca
used
the
surv
ivor
to s
uffe
r a lo
ss o
f fai
th o
r tru
st in
the
wor
ld, a
loss
of i
nnoc
ence
or b
elie
fin
cert
ain
valu
es, a
loss
oft
heir
ow
n se
nse
of i
dent
ity o
r pur
pose
, a lo
ss o
f mea
ning
ofl
ife.
Eac
h o
f the
se lo
sses
ne
ed to
mou
rned
and
mar
ked
by c
onsc
ious
rem
embr
ance
of w
hat e
xist
ed a
nd n
ow is
gon
e. T
his
grie
ving
pro
cess
is s
epar
ate
and
diff
eren
t fro
m th
e gr
ief t
hat w
ill b
e ex
peri
ence
d as
one
real
izes
the
full
impa
ct o
fthe
loss
of a
love
d on
e.
E. T
raum
a an
d G
rief
Pat
tern
s o
f Chi
ldre
n ar
e S
imil
ar
to A
du
lts
Bu
t Are
Man
ifes
ted
Dif
fere
ntly
1. L
engt
h o
f Gri
evin
g, A
lon
g W
ith
Act
s o
f Mou
rnin
g an
d R
emem
bra
nce
, Ext
end
Th
rou
ghou
t th
e D
evel
opm
enta
l Sta
ges
As
child
ren
mat
ure,
they
sho
uld
repr
oces
s th
e im
pact
oft
he tr
aum
a an
d lo
ss in
the
cont
ext o
f the
ir d
evel
opm
ent.
The
loss
of a
fath
er fo
r a y
oung
todd
ler m
ay b
e gr
ieve
d ov
er in
term
s o
f
27
the
loss
of a
lovi
ng c
aret
aker
. T
he lo
ss o
f tha
t fat
her f
or th
e sc
hool
-age
chi
ld m
ust b
e gr
ieve
d ov
er in
te
rms
of t
he a
bsen
ce o
f a te
ache
r, an
aut
hori
ty fi
gure
, as
wel
l as
how
the
fath
er w
ould
hav
e be
en p
er
ceiv
ed b
y ne
w fr
iend
s an
d pe
ers.
The
loss
of t
he f
athe
r for
the
prea
dole
scen
t may
take
on
new
mea
ning
in
the
abse
nce
of a
mod
el fo
r sex
role
s or
in th
e co
nstr
uctio
n o
f the
chi
ld's
gro
win
g se
nse
of i
dent
ity.
The
loss
oft
he fa
ther
for t
he a
dole
scen
t can
aff
ect h
is o
r her
und
erst
andi
ng o
f sta
bilit
y an
d th
e gr
owth
of
inde
pend
ence
. A
you
ng a
dult
may
gri
eve
over
the
loss
of t
he fa
ther
in te
rms
of a
lovi
ng c
ompa
nion
and
so
urce
of f
riend
ship
. T
he m
eani
ng o
fthe
trau
mat
ic e
vent
may
cha
nge
as w
ell t
hrou
gh d
evel
opm
ent.
Mem
orie
s o
f a su
dden
trau
ma
are
repr
oces
sed
in a
ctiv
ities
and
atti
tude
s.
2. G
riev
ing
is I
nter
rupt
ed b
y C
urr
ent N
eed
s or
Eve
nts
Chi
ldre
n m
ust t
ake
time
out f
rom
gri
evin
g to
mee
t new
cha
lleng
es in
life
, cop
e w
ith
ongo
ing
chan
ges,
est
ablis
h ne
w re
latio
nshi
ps, p
artic
ipat
e in
sch
ool a
nd to
pla
y.
3. C
hil
dre
n's
Com
mu
nic
atio
n S
tyle
s D
iffe
r fr
om
the
Com
mu
nic
atio
n S
tyle
s o
f Adu
lts
Chi
ldre
n en
gage
in a
ctiv
ities
to d
eal w
ith tr
aum
a an
d gr
ief.
With
you
ng c
hild
ren,
thes
e ac
tiviti
es in
volv
e sp
onta
neou
s pla
y, u
sual
ly w
ith o
bjec
ts o
r oth
er c
hild
ren
who
are
read
ily a
vaila
ble.
O
lder
chi
ldre
n an
d ad
oles
cent
s al
so e
ngag
e in
act
iviti
es to
exp
ress
thei
r rea
ctio
ns.
The
se a
ctiv
ities
may
in
clud
e sp
orts
, dra
ma,
dan
ce o
r son
g. T
raum
a or
gri
ef-r
elat
ed a
ctiv
ities
may
be
spor
adic
and
repe
titiv
e.
4. S
ome
Adu
lts
Hav
e Sp
irit
ual B
elie
fs T
hat
Hel
p
Th
em to
Cop
e W
ith
Tra
uma
and
Gri
ef
Chi
ldre
n ha
ve n
ot fu
lly d
evel
oped
suc
h be
liefs
, and
trau
ma
or g
rief
intr
ude
upon
thei
r co
ncep
tions
ofl
ife
and
deat
h.
F. T
raum
atic
Gri
ef R
eact
ions
1. L
oss
and
Dea
th
The
exp
erie
nces
and
con
cept
s of
loss
and
dea
th a
re c
lose
ly in
tert
win
ed.
Dea
th is
oft
en
expr
esse
d as
the
loss
ofl
ife.
Som
eone
who
has
die
d ha
s be
en "
lost
" to
his
or h
er s
urvi
vors
. T
he e
nd o
f re
latio
nshi
ps o
r cer
tain
tim
es in
life
are
oft
en ta
lked
abo
ut th
roug
h de
ath
imag
ery:
div
orce
may
be
expe
rien
ced
as th
e de
ath
of a
mar
riag
e; m
emor
ies
ofth
e pa
st m
ay b
e th
ough
t of a
s ol
d, f
aded
or d
ead.
G
rief
reac
tions
are
nor
mal
whe
n an
ythi
ng h
as b
een
lost
. W
hen
som
eone
or s
omet
hing
is g
one
fore
ver,
the
grie
f may
see
m o
verp
ower
ing.
The
con
cept
of d
eath
for c
hild
ren
may
be
mor
e di
ffic
ult t
o un
der
stan
d w
hen
ther
e is
no
tang
ible
or p
hysi
cal e
vide
nce
of f
inal
ity.
It is
als
o di
ffic
ult f
or c
hild
ren
to c
ompr
ehe
nd o
r acc
ept t
he p
erm
anen
ce o
f dea
th.
28
2. D
enia
l
Adu
lts
ofte
n re
act t
o no
tifi
cati
on o
f tra
umat
ic d
eath
wit
h de
nial
. T
hey
can
't b
elie
ve th
at
som
eone
they
love
is d
ead
or t
hat t
hey
died
due
to v
iole
nce
or t
raum
a. D
enia
l occ
urs
beca
use
the
deat
h do
es n
ot fi
t int
o th
e ad
ult's
per
spec
tive
of n
orm
al e
very
day
life.
Tra
uma
may
not
be
extr
aord
inar
y
viol
ence
and
dea
th h
appe
n ro
utin
ely
in to
day'
s w
orld
-b
ut
trau
mat
ic d
eath
in a
par
ticu
lar i
ndiv
idua
l's
life
is e
xtra
ordi
nary
to th
at p
erso
n.
Chi
ldre
n la
ck th
e ab
ilit
y to
den
y tr
aum
a an
d de
ath
beca
use
they
do
n't
hav
e a
full
y fo
rmed
pe
rspe
ctiv
e o
f nor
mal
life
. T
hey
live
in a
tem
pora
l wor
ld th
at is
the
pres
ent.
Wha
t occ
urs
toda
y is
re
alit
y ev
en if
it is
an
awfu
l rea
lity.
Ift
hey
have
had
littl
e ex
peri
ence
wit
h lo
ss o
r dea
th, t
hey
have
litt
le
expe
rien
ce in
dea
ling
wit
h th
e em
otio
ns th
at a
ccom
pany
loss
or d
eath
. T
hey
do
n't
den
y it,
but
they
may
be
una
ble
to s
usta
in th
e sa
dnes
s o
r the
fea
rs t
hat t
hey
face
.
Fan
tasy
may
be
used
to c
ope
wit
h th
ose
reac
tion
s an
d to
esc
ape
from
thei
r int
ensi
ty.
Imag
inar
y o
r mag
ical
thin
king
is a
key
sou
rce
of e
mot
iona
l and
men
tal p
roce
ssin
g. C
hild
ren
tend
to r
epla
y th
e tr
aum
a o
r dea
th th
roug
h da
ydre
ams
as w
ell a
s ni
ghtd
ream
s. T
hey
may
not
be
as li
kely
to e
xper
ienc
e in
trus
ive
thou
ghts
or f
lash
back
s ab
out t
he e
vent
as
adul
ts.
Rat
her,
they
let t
heir
min
ds w
ande
r int
o th
ough
ts o
fth
e ev
ents
and
imag
ine
way
s to
rest
ore
the
past
or t
o tr
y to
rec
reat
e re
lati
onsh
ips
that
mig
ht
no
w e
xist
but
for t
he e
vent
. S
omet
imes
fant
asie
s ar
e sc
arie
r tha
n re
ality
. Im
ages
of a
lov
ed o
ne b
urie
d al
ive
in a
cof
fin,
con
fusi
on o
ver t
he s
tate
of s
leep
wit
h de
ath,
con
cern
ove
r whe
re th
e lo
ved
one
is n
ow
are
exam
ples
of s
ourc
es o
f sca
ry fa
ntas
ies.
On
the
othe
r han
d, y
oung
er c
hild
ren
may
cre
ate
imag
inar
y pl
aym
ates
or s
ubst
itut
e pa
rent
figu
res
in t
heir
dre
ams
to h
elp
cope
wit
h th
eir l
onel
ines
s. O
lder
chi
ldre
n m
ay id
eali
ze m
emor
ies
oft
he
pers
on w
ho h
as d
ied.
Oft
en d
ream
s an
d fa
ntas
ies
focu
s on
pos
sibl
e re
unio
ns. S
ome
chil
dren
may
exp
erie
nce
"vis
itat
ions
" by
gho
sts
or sp
irit
s o
fth
e de
ad.
Oth
ers
may
de
velo
p a
beli
efin
rei
ncar
nati
on o
fth
e de
ceas
ed.
Som
etim
es fa
ntas
y is
use
d to
exp
lore
alt
erna
tive
rol
es
that
they
mig
ht h
ave
play
ed in
res
pond
ing
to th
e tr
aum
a o
r in
prev
enti
ng a
dea
th.
Fan
tasy
may
als
o be
us
ed to
imag
ine
diff
eren
t end
ings
to th
e tr
aum
atic
eve
nt th
at c
ould
hav
e ha
ppen
ed a
nd w
ould
hav
e ha
d m
ore
posi
tive
con
sequ
ence
s.
3. L
osse
s C
ause
d b
y D
eath
are
Con
cret
ely
Iden
tifi
ed
in a
Ch
ild
's L
ife;
Exp
lana
tion
s A
bou
t Dea
th a
nd
Los
s ar
e O
ften
Int
erpr
eted
Lit
eral
ly
Som
eone
has
die
d. I
f a c
hild
see
s th
e pe
rson
who
is d
ead,
they
not
ice
the
abse
nce
of
acti
vity
. H
owev
er, t
he d
iffe
renc
e be
twee
n li
fe a
nd d
eath
may
not
be
othe
rwis
e ob
viou
s. T
heir
con
cern
ab
out t
he p
hysi
cal a
spec
t of d
eath
may
be
man
ifes
ted
thro
ugh
ques
tion
s ab
out h
ow s
omeo
ne e
ats,
br
eath
es, o
r goe
s to
the
bath
room
whe
n s/
he is
dea
d. S
ince
they
do
n't
com
preh
end
deat
h's
perm
ane
nce,
they
may
wor
ry a
bout
wha
t wil
l hap
pen
to th
e pe
rson
whe
n th
ey li
ve a
gain
. C
areg
iver
s ne
ed to
be
ale
rt to
beh
avio
rs o
r cas
ual c
omm
ents
that
mig
ht in
dica
te c
hild
ren
have
uns
poke
n qu
esti
ons.
Sim
ple,
st
raig
htfo
rwar
d an
swer
s o
r ack
now
ledg
men
ts th
at th
e ca
regi
ver h
as s
imil
ar q
uest
ions
is h
elpf
ul to
ch
ildre
n. Bec
ause
chi
ldre
n's
pers
pect
ives
are
tied
to c
oncr
ete,
fact
ual o
bser
vati
ons,
it is
par
ticu
larl
y im
port
ant t
o in
volv
e th
em in
act
ivit
ies
that
ack
now
ledg
e th
e m
ourn
ing
proc
ess
and
prov
ide
them
wit
h
29
ritu
als ~n
d sy
mbo
ls th
at h
elp
to m
emor
iali
ze w
hat h
as h
appe
ned.
Chi
ldre
n so
met
imes
thin
k th
at a
dult
s d
on
't c
are
wha
t hap
pene
d to
the
dece
ased
bec
ause
adu
lts
do n
ot in
volv
e th
e ch
ildr
en in
fune
ral a
rran
ge
men
ts o
r mem
oria
ls a
nd m
ay b
e un
com
fort
able
wit
h de
mon
stra
ting
thei
r ow
n gr
ief i
n fr
ont o
f chi
ldre
n.
Chi
ldre
n of
ten
rese
nt w
hat t
hey
perc
eive
as
atte
mpt
s to
rep
lace
love
d on
es o
r to
forg
et th
em.
Whe
n th
e de
ceas
ed's
clo
thes
or p
rope
rty
are
rem
oved
qui
ckly
, chi
ldre
n m
ay s
ee th
at a
s a
betr
ayal
of t
he d
ecea
sed.
As
chil
dren
bec
ome
mor
e aw
are
of t
he fa
ct th
at th
e de
ceas
ed w
ill n
ot re
turn
to th
eir l
ife,
they
als
o be
com
e m
ore
awar
e o
fth
e co
nseq
uenc
es o
f the
dea
th.
The
y m
iss
the
beha
vior
of t
he d
ecease
d
habi
ts, r
outi
nes,
act
ivit
ies
that
they
had
lear
ned
to e
xpec
t in
thei
r liv
es.
The
y m
ay m
iss
phys
ical
rem
inde
rs
of t
he d
ecea
sed,
par
ticu
larl
y if
adul
ts h
ave
rem
oved
clo
thes
, per
sona
l pro
pert
y, o
r pho
togr
aphs
from
the
chil
d's
hom
e o
r sch
ool.
The
y al
so m
iss
the
dece
ased
whe
n th
ey a
re n
ot a
par
t of t
heir
life
. If
a ch
ild'
s fa
ther
has
die
d, d
inne
r tim
e m
ay b
e pa
rtic
ular
ly tr
aum
atic
bec
ause
the
fath
er d
oesn
't si
t in
his
usua
l pla
ce.
Chi
ldre
n m
ay lo
ng fo
r opp
ortu
niti
es to
dis
cuss
ong
oing
life
eve
nts
wit
h a
pers
on w
ho
has
die
d bu
t who
se
rved
as
an a
dvis
or o
r cou
nsel
or fo
r chi
ldre
n du
ring
thei
r lif
e.
Los
s m
ay a
lso
be
mar
ked
by in
crea
sed
expe
ctat
ions
in a
chi
ld's
life
, suc
h as
rol
e ch
ange
s o
r the
ne
ed to
bec
ome
mor
e m
atur
e. S
omet
imes
thes
e ex
pect
atio
ns a
re d
rive
n by
chi
ldre
n's
own
inte
rpre
tati
on
oft
he
deat
h an
d th
eir n
eed
to a
ct o
r beh
ave
diff
eren
tly
in o
rder
to b
ecom
e sa
fer o
r to
subs
titu
te th
eir o
wn
life
for
the
one
that
has
bee
n lo
st.
Som
etim
es th
e ex
pect
atio
ns a
re d
efin
ed b
y fa
mil
y o
r soc
ial c
onne
cti
ons.
A g
riev
ing
mot
her m
ay tu
m to
her
son
aft
er th
e de
ath
of h
er h
usba
nd a
nd w
ant h
im to
ass
ume
the
role
oft
he
"man
in th
e fa
mily
."
4. T
raum
a R
eact
ions
are
Rel
ated
to
Gri
ef R
eact
ions
Tra
umat
ic d
eath
com
poun
ds g
rief
but r
eact
ions
to th
e tr
aum
a of
ten
take
pre
cede
nce
over
gr
ief.
T
here
is s
hock
and
dis
beli
ef ab
out t
he n
atur
e o
fth
e tr
aum
atic
eve
nt.
Em
otio
nal r
eact
ions
suc
h as
an
ger,
fear
, fru
stra
tion
, gui
lt, s
ham
e an
d gr
ief o
ver t
he tr
aum
atic
eve
nt p
rolo
ng e
ffor
ts to
beg
in li
fe a
gain
. G
rief
may
be
post
pone
d ov
er a
nd o
ver a
gain
, but
it is
als
o a
part
of t
he tr
aum
atic
rea
ctio
n. W
hile
ther
e ar
e co
mm
on e
lem
ents
of g
rief-
just
as
ther
e ar
e co
mm
ent e
lem
ents
oft
rau
ma
reac
tio
ns-
ever
y c
hild
is
dif
fere
nt.
Som
e re
acti
ons
may
be
illu
stra
ted
in th
e fo
llow
ing.
a. P
rote
st o
r A
nger
Ove
r th
e L
oss
or D
eath
Ang
er m
ay b
e di
rect
ed a
t the
per
son
wh
o d
ied
-Ho
w c
ould
he
do t
his
to m
e? H
ow
coul
d he
leav
e m
e? I
t may
be
dire
cted
at p
aren
ts o
r adu
lt c
aret
aker
s w
ho f
aile
d to
pro
tect
them
selv
es
or
the
chil
d. I
t may
be
addr
esse
d to
Go
d o
r th
e su
pem
atu
ral-
Why
did
he
have
to d
ie a
nd
som
eone
el
se is
sti
ll a
live
? S
omet
imes
it is
dir
ecte
d in
tern
ally
by
chil
dren
them
selv
es a
s th
ey w
orry
abo
ut w
hat
they
mig
ht h
ave
done
to c
ause
the
deat
h.
b. S
orro
w a
nd S
adne
ss A
bout
the
Los
s or
Dea
th
Chi
ldre
n ne
ed to
kno
w th
at c
ryin
g is
a n
orm
al w
ay to
exp
ress
sad
ness
. T
hey
need
to
know
that
feel
ing
leth
argi
c o
r uni
nter
este
d in
thin
gs a
roun
d th
em is
als
o a
sign
of t
heir
gri
ef.
Som
e ch
ildr
en m
isbe
have
or w
ithd
raw
from
ord
inar
y ac
tivi
ties
. It
is o
ften
impo
rtan
t to
reas
sure
chi
ldre
n th
at it
is
oka
y to
laug
h an
d pl
ay, a
nd th
at it
do
esn
't m
ean
they
did
n't l
ove
the
pers
on w
ho
die
d.
30
•
•
c. G
uilt
or
Self
-bla
me
Chi
ldre
n of
ten
belie
ve th
at th
eir t
houg
hts
or fe
elin
gs c
an c
ause
thin
gs to
hap
pen.
If
they
wis
h th
at s
omeo
ne w
as d
ead
and
then
that
per
son
dies
, the
y m
ay fe
el t
heir
thou
ghts
mad
e de
ath
happ
en.
The
y m
ay fe
el th
at i
f the
y ha
d be
en b
ette
r peo
ple,
God
wou
ldn'
t hav
e le
t thi
s ha
ppen
to th
em.
The
y m
ay h
ave
deep
regr
ets
and
guilt
ove
r tim
es w
hen
they
wer
e an
gry
or b
ehav
ed b
adly
tow
ards
the
dece
ased
.
5. C
hild
ren
Fac
e A
ddit
iona
l Ris
ks W
hich
Inc
reas
e th
e T
raum
atic
Gri
ef R
eact
ion
The
y m
ay e
xper
ienc
e ch
ange
s in
the
prim
ary
adul
t or a
dults
who
are
res
pons
ible
for
thei
r car
etak
ing.
The
y m
ay b
e fo
rced
to r
eloc
ate
thei
r hom
e or
to a
ttend
a d
iffe
rent
sch
ool b
ecau
se o
f th
e im
pact
oft
he tr
aum
a.
Som
etim
es th
ey a
re s
ent a
way
to h
omes
of r
elat
ives
or f
rien
ds f
or a
tem
po
rary
tim
e to
giv
e pa
rent
s or
sign
ific
ant a
dults
a c
hanc
e to
org
aniz
e th
eir l
ives
. E
xclu
ding
chi
ldre
n fr
om
tran
sitio
n ac
tiviti
es a
nd e
vent
s ad
ds to
thei
r sen
se o
f aba
ndon
men
t and
isol
atio
n. P
artic
ular
act
iviti
es
whi
ch c
hild
ren
had
enjo
yed
befo
re th
e tr
aum
a m
ay n
ow c
ease
bec
ause
the
pers
on w
ho d
ied
was
the
one
resp
onsi
ble
for p
rom
otin
g th
ose
activ
ities
or i
nvol
ving
the
child
ren
in th
ose
activ
ities
.
31
•
V.
Inte
rven
tion
s fo
r G
riev
ing
Chi
ldre
n
A. C
areg
iver
Com
mu
nic
atio
n
Initi
al e
ffor
ts a
t int
erve
ntio
n sh
ould
focu
s on
com
mun
icat
ion
tech
niqu
es th
at a
re a
ge-a
ppro
pr
iate
. C
hild
ren
shou
ld b
e en
cour
aged
to e
xpre
ss th
emse
lves
in p
lay,
art
wor
k, m
usic
, dan
ce o
r dra
ma.
V
erba
l com
mun
icat
ion
thro
ugh
whi
ch c
hild
ren
expl
ain
thei
r act
iviti
es sh
ould
als
o be
sou
ght.
• A
ttent
ion
shou
ld b
e pa
id to
hel
ping
chi
ldre
n de
velo
p a
narr
ativ
e or
a st
ory
of t
he tr
au
mat
ic d
eath
. K
ey c
ompo
nent
s o
f suc
h a
stor
y in
cl u
de p
laci
ng th
e de
ath
in th
e co
ntex
t of t
ime,
spa
ce,
unde
rsta
ndin
g cl
earl
y w
hat t
hey
obse
rved
and
cla
rifY
ing
any
part
icul
arm
ispe
rcep
tions
, and
ass
istin
g ch
ildre
n as
they
see
k to
find
a m
eani
ng o
r pur
pose
in w
hat h
appe
ned.
• C
areg
iver
s sh
ould
rem
embe
r tha
t chi
ldre
n ne
ed to
take
the
lead
in d
efin
ing
the
para
m
eter
s o
f dis
cuss
ion
or e
xpre
ssio
n. A
chi
ld's
ques
tions
sho
uld
be a
nsw
ered
fact
ually
and
sim
ply
whe
n po
ssib
le.
Car
egiv
ers
shou
ld li
sten
car
eful
ly to
que
stio
ns s
o th
at th
ey d
on't
mak
e as
sum
ptio
ns a
bout
w
hat t
he c
hild
kno
ws
or w
hat h
e w
ants
to k
now
. O
ften
care
give
rs fa
ll in
to th
e tr
ap o
f pro
vidi
ng to
o m
uch
info
rmat
ion
in re
spon
se to
a q
uest
ion.
• B
ehav
iors
sho
uld
be n
on-j
udgm
enta
l with
rega
rd to
the
trau
mat
ic e
vent
, the
trau
mat
ic
grie
f rea
ctio
n, a
nd th
e ch
ild's
age
-rel
ated
beh
avio
rs.
B. G
oals
of A
ssis
tanc
e
1. E
stab
lish
Saf
ety
and
Secu
rity
<:)..
Res
pond
to a
nd p
rovi
de o
ppor
tuni
ties
for c
hild
ren
to re
ceiv
e po
sitiv
e hu
man
ph
ysic
al c
onta
ct to
reaf
firm
nee
ds fo
r sen
sory
com
fort
and
car
e.
b.
Hel
p ch
ildre
n ge
t eno
ugh
slee
p. T
his m
ay in
volv
e re
spon
ding
to a
chi
ld's
con
cern
ab
out t
he s
afet
y o
f his
bed
room
or h
ome,
ens
urin
g th
at s
omeo
ne is
read
ily a
vaila
ble
to p
rovi
de a
ssur
an
ce a
fter
nig
htm
ares
or s
leep
dis
turb
ance
s, o
r pro
vidi
ng a
soot
hing
and
cal
min
g en
viro
nmen
t bef
ore
bedt
ime.
c.
Hel
p ch
ildre
n de
velo
p pr
otec
tive
plan
s of
actio
n if
anot
her t
raum
atic
eve
nt w
ere
to
occu
r. T
his
may
incl
ude
educ
atin
g th
em o
n w
hat t
hey
mig
ht d
o if
som
ethi
ng h
appe
ned
agai
n an
d pr
ovid
in
g th
em o
ppor
tuni
ties
to p
ract
ice
thei
r tra
uma
resp
onse
.
d.
Prov
ide
them
with
phy
sica
l sym
bols
of n
urtu
ring,
love
or r
emem
bran
ce.
Ted
dy
bear
s or
stuf
fed
anim
als
are
ofte
n a
sour
ce o
f gre
at c
omfo
rt to
chi
ldre
n o
f all
ages
. R
eest
ablis
hing
ro
utin
es a
nd h
abitu
al a
ctiv
ities
giv
es c
hild
ren
reas
sura
nce
that
life
has
retu
rned
to a
kin
d o
f ord
er.
Ritu
als
such
as
pray
ers,
a re
gula
r "m
emor
y tim
e", o
r spe
cial
cer
emon
ies
may
als
o be
a so
urce
of s
ecur
ity.
33
2. A
llow
Chi
ldre
n to
Tel
l Wh
at H
app
ened
and
to
Tal
k A
bou
t Dea
th
a.
Enc
oura
ge th
em to
tell
or d
evel
op s
torie
s th
at h
elp
them
exp
lore
inte
nse
reac
tions
su
ch a
s an
ger o
r fea
r.
b.
Ens
ure
that
chi
ldre
n un
ders
tand
dif
fere
nces
bet
wee
n lif
e an
d de
ath.
c.
Rea
ssur
e th
em th
at s
adne
ss a
nd g
rief
are
a ne
cess
ary
part
of s
urvi
ving
the
deat
h o
f so
meo
ne th
ey lo
ved.
Hel
p th
em to
des
crib
e an
d un
ders
tand
reac
tions
to tr
aum
a an
d re
actio
ns to
the
deat
h.
d.
Tal
k w
ith th
em a
bout
wha
t the
y ob
serv
ed in
the
reac
tions
of p
aren
ts, p
eers
, or o
ther
si
gnifi
cant
adul
ts.
3. P
red
ict
Wh
at W
ill H
app
en a
nd P
rep
are
Ch
ild
ren
for
th
e F
utu
re
a.
Enc
oura
ge th
e re
esta
blis
hmen
t of c
omfo
rting
rout
ines
.
b.
Edu
cate
chi
ldre
n ab
out t
raum
a, d
eath
, and
loss
.
c.
Hel
p th
em d
evel
op re
ason
s fo
r liv
ing.
d.
Hel
p th
em ta
ke ti
me
to th
ink
abou
t the
ir fu
ture
.
e.
Supp
ort a
dult
care
give
rs in
thei
r eff
orts
to re
act a
ppro
pria
tely
.
f W
ork
to h
elp
child
ren
solv
e pr
oble
ms t
hey
face
bec
ause
of t
he tr
aum
a.
• A
ddre
ss w
hat c
an a
nd c
an't
be d
one.
• H
elp
miti
gate
oth
er c
hang
es in
thei
r liv
es.
• A
ddre
ss e
stra
ngem
ent f
rom
pee
rs.
• H
elp
child
ren
fram
e th
eir l
oss
in th
e co
ntex
t of a
ll o
f the
ir re
latio
nshi
ps
and
thei
r life
as
a w
hole
.
• H
elp
child
ren
focu
s on
the
futu
re.
g.
Giv
e co
ncre
te a
id a
nd fa
ctua
l inf
orm
atio
n.
34
•
c. M
etho
ds o
f Int
erve
ntio
n
Muc
h o
f wha
t car
egiv
ers
do w
hen
inte
rven
ing
is to
try
to h
elp
chil
dren
tell
the
stor
y o
f wh
at
happ
ened
and
how
they
feel
abo
ut it
. T
he fo
llow
ing
met
hods
can
hel
p ch
ildr
en fe
el c
omfo
rtab
le te
llin
g ab
out t
heir
thou
ghts
, em
otio
ns a
nd c
once
rns.
1. O
ral
Stor
ytel
ling
Car
egiv
ers
enco
urag
e ch
ildr
en to
tell
a sh
ort s
tory
abo
ut th
e tr
aum
atic
dea
th, t
he p
erso
n w
ho
die
d or
abo
ut th
emse
lves
. C
areg
iver
s ca
n su
gges
t the
fol
low
ing
type
s o
f int
rodu
ctor
y se
nten
ces
or
phra
ses:
• "O
nce
upon
a ti
me
ther
e w
as a
litt
le g
irl n
amed
Mar
y w
ho
was
ver
y,
very
sad
bec
ause
... ";
• "A
few
day
s ag
o I w
oke
up a
nd it
was
bri
ght a
nd s
unny
and
I w
as
very
hap
py, b
ut th
en ...
";
• "I
'd li
ke to
tell
you
a st
ory
abou
t my
mot
her w
ho
was
kil
led
in a
n au
tom
obil
e cr
ash.
"
With
you
nger
chi
ldre
n, c
areg
iver
s m
ay n
eed
to m
odel
tell
ing
a sh
ort s
tory
. It
may
be
usef
ul f
or
care
give
rs to
con
side
r tel
ling
a s
tory
abo
ut th
eir o
wn
life
whe
n so
meo
ne th
ey lo
ved
died
. W
hile
this
te
chni
que
is n
ot u
sual
ly s
ugge
sted
for u
se w
ith
adul
ts, c
hild
ren
are
ofte
n ex
ceed
ingl
y cu
riou
s ab
out a
dult
s w
ho
hav
e su
ffer
ed tr
aum
as s
imil
ar to
thei
r ow
n.
2. G
uide
d F
ree
Pla
y
Tra
umat
ized
chi
ldre
n w
ill o
ften
aut
omat
ical
ly u
se to
ys to
ree
nact
thei
r tra
uma
and
thei
r co
ncer
ns.
If ca
regi
vers
hav
e a
rang
e o
fto
ys
avai
labl
e in
a s
peci
al b
ox, s
helf
, or a
bag
, chi
ldre
n ca
n p
ick
and
cho
ose
thei
r fav
orit
e m
od
e o
f exp
ress
ion.
You
ng c
hild
ren
wil
l run
to th
e to
ys o
r im
med
iate
ly a
sk
wh
at is
in t
he b
ag s
o th
ey c
an s
tart
to p
lay
as s
oon
as p
ossi
ble.
Car
egiv
ers
can
obse
rve
chil
dren
beg
in
to p
lay
wit
hout
pro
mpt
ing
whi
le d
oing
pre
para
tory
thin
gs s
uch
as p
utti
ng o
ut re
fres
hmen
ts, o
r han
ging
up
coat
s. T
hey
can
join
the
chil
dren
wit
h ne
utra
l que
stio
ns s
uch
as, "
Tha
t loo
ks in
tere
stin
g. W
hat a
re y
ou
pl
ayin
g?"
Toy
s th
at a
re o
ften
hel
pful
sto
ry te
ller
s ar
e: b
uild
ing
bloc
ks, c
ars,
truc
ks, a
irpl
anes
, hum
an
figu
res,
dol
ls, s
tuff
ed a
nim
als,
sim
ple
puzz
les
of p
eopl
e or
peo
ple'
s fa
ces.
3. S
tim
ulat
ing
Dis
cuss
ion
For
chi
ldre
n w
ho a
re a
rtic
ulat
e an
d ve
rbal
, dis
cuss
ions
can
hav
e a
heal
ing
effe
ct s
imil
ar
to th
at e
xper
ienc
ed b
y m
any
adul
ts w
ho "
talk
out
" th
eir c
once
rns
and
reac
tion
s. C
areg
iver
s ca
n he
lp
chil
dren
beg
in to
dis
cuss
the
trau
mat
ic d
eath
by
show
ing
phot
ogra
phs
oft
he
dece
ased
, sho
win
g a
vide
o st
ory
abo
ut d
eath
and
trau
ma,
rea
ding
a s
hort
sto
ry, p
oem
or p
arab
le re
lati
ng to
dea
th a
nd tr
aum
a, o
r pr
esen
ting
a n
ews
stor
y o
r med
ia a
rtic
le a
bout
the
even
t for
cri
tiqu
e.
35
The
vid
eota
pe th
at a
ccom
pani
es th
is g
uide
book
is d
esig
ned
to s
timul
ate
disc
ussi
on a
bout
ch
ildr
en's
reac
tions
, but
oth
er v
ideo
s co
uld
be u
sed
as w
ell.
4. C
reat
ive
Wri
ting
Scho
ol a
ge c
hild
ren
and
adol
esce
nts
ofte
n fin
d it
help
ful t
o w
rite
abo
ut w
hat c
once
rns
them
. O
utle
ts fo
r cre
ativ
e w
ritin
g in
clud
e jo
urna
ls, l
ette
rs to
love
d on
es, p
rose
, poe
try,
art
icle
s, o
r m
emor
y bo
oks.
Car
egiv
ers
can
help
sug
gest
title
s fo
r pag
es in
mem
ory
book
s th
at m
ay h
elp
child
ren
expr
ess
pote
nt fe
elin
gs.
Som
e id
eas
are:
• "M
ary'
s N
ame"
[the
chi
ld sp
ells
Mar
y ve
rtic
ally
dow
n th
e pa
ge a
nd a
ttach
es
a w
ord
to e
ach
lette
r tha
t ref
lect
s w
hat M
ary
mea
nt to
the
child
].
1
• "T
he th
ing
I lov
ed m
ost a
bout
Mar
y is
... "
• "M
y sa
ddes
t mem
ory
of M
ary
is .. .
'''
• "M
y ha
ppie
st m
emor
y o
f Mar
y is
... "
• "M
y fu
nnie
st m
emor
y o
f Mar
y is
... "
• "M
ary'
s fa
vori
te h
obby
, col
or, b
ird,
mus
ic, f
ood,
spo
rt w
as ...
"
• "I
f you
had
bee
n ab
le to
say
goo
d by
e to
Mar
y, w
hat w
ould
you
hav
e sa
id?"
5. C
reat
ive
Art
Chi
ldre
n lo
ve to
dra
w, p
aint
, pla
y w
ith c
lay,
and
do
craf
ts.
All
can
serv
e as
use
ful m
edia
fo
r exp
ress
ing
the
mes
sage
of g
rief
and
trau
ma.
Fin
ger p
aint
ing
and
wor
king
with
cla
y ar
e bo
th m
essy
ar
ts b
ut c
an b
e pa
rtic
ular
ly h
elpf
ul b
ecau
se th
ey s
eem
to o
ffer
chi
ldre
n a
mor
e in
tera
ctiv
e, v
isce
ral s
ense
o
f exp
ress
ion.
Cla
y is
oft
en s
ooth
ing
to th
e to
uch
alth
ough
som
e ch
ildre
n lik
e to
pou
nd o
r sta
b it
in
ange
r. O
ne im
agin
ativ
e ca
regi
ver o
ffer
ed c
hild
ren
the
oppo
rtun
ity to
fin
ger p
aint
sho
wer
sta
lls in
the
scho
ol lo
cker
room
s. T
hey
had
plen
ty o
f roo
m a
nd th
e fi
nish
ed p
rodu
ct c
ould
be
was
hed
away
eas
ily.
The
neg
ativ
e si
de o
f usi
ng im
perm
anen
t art
is th
at s
ome
child
ren
wan
t to
keep
thei
r cre
atio
ns b
ecau
se
the
expr
essi
on o
fthe
ir fe
elin
gs is
so
mea
ning
ful t
o th
em.
Whe
n w
orki
ng w
ith g
roup
s, c
areg
iver
s mig
ht
sugg
est t
hat t
he g
roup
cre
ate
a co
mm
unity
mur
al.
6. D
ram
atic
Ena
ctm
ents
Mos
t chi
ldre
n lik
e to
pla
y-ac
t, pa
rtic
ular
ly i
f pro
ps, c
ostu
me
or m
akeu
p ar
e av
aila
ble
to
enab
le th
em to
bec
ome
tota
lly in
volv
ed in
bei
ng a
noth
er p
erso
n. P
uppe
ts c
an a
lso
be u
sed.
You
ng
child
ren
may
sim
ply
use
the
oppo
rtun
ity to
reen
act f
uner
als
or p
ortio
ns o
f the
trau
ma
stor
ies.
Old
er
child
ren
and
adol
esce
nts
may
wan
t to
crea
te th
eir o
wn
"min
i" p
lays
. A
dole
scen
ts m
ay a
lso
find
play
ing
part
s or r
eadi
ng s
crip
ts fr
om c
lass
ic a
nd m
odem
trag
edie
s he
lpfu
l in
expr
essi
ng th
eir c
once
rns
over
de
ath.
36
7. M
usi
c
Lis
teni
ng to
, pla
ying
or s
ingi
ng m
usic
can
be
a w
onde
rful
rel
ease
for c
hild
ren.
It p
ro
vide
s a
reco
nnec
tion
to th
e se
nse
of r
hyth
m a
s w
ell a
s th
e fa
ct th
at c
erta
in m
usic
al in
stru
men
ts m
ay e
cho
soun
ds o
f gri
ef re
actio
ns: a
nger
mig
ht b
e ex
pres
sed
thro
ugh
the
soun
d o
f dru
ms
or a
bla
ring
trum
pet;
reed
and
str
ing
inst
rum
ents
mig
ht re
min
d ch
ildre
n o
f wee
ping
or f
eelin
gs o
flon
elin
ess;
dru
m ro
lls a
nd
cym
bals
may
refl
ect t
ensi
ons,
anx
ietie
s an
d fe
ars;
har
ps, f
lute
s, a
nd p
icco
los
ofte
n so
und
like
spir
its
talk
ing,
and
so
forth
. D
eath
-rel
ated
lyri
cs a
re f
ound
in m
usic
as
dive
rse
as c
ount
ry-w
este
rn, r
ap, o
pera
, or
hym
ns.
8. P
raye
r, R
epet
itiv
e M
edit
atio
ns, a
nd C
han
ts
The
pow
er o
f pra
yers
for m
any
child
ren
rest
s in
the
affi
rmat
ion
of s
piri
tual
bel
iefs
, but
al
so in
ass
ocia
ted
rela
xatio
n re
spon
ses
trig
gere
d by
the
repe
titio
n of
fam
ilia
r and
com
fort
ing
wor
ds.
The
y ad
d an
air
of s
olem
nity
and
gra
vity
to ri
tual
s an
d m
emor
ial a
ctiv
ities
.
D. S
ampl
e Q
uest
ion
s, E
xerc
ises
and
Act
ivit
ies
Use
ful
in W
orki
ng W
ith
Chi
ldre
n
The
follo
win
g qu
estio
ns, e
xerc
ises
and
act
iviti
es h
ave
been
use
d w
ith in
divi
dual
chi
ldre
n an
d w
ith g
roup
s o
f chi
ldre
n w
ho a
re g
riev
ing
afte
r vio
lent
dea
th.
The
y dr
aw u
pon
the
met
hods
ofi
nter
ven
tion
desc
ribe
d ab
ove
and
illus
trat
e ho
w th
ese
inte
rven
tions
can
be
used
to a
ddre
ss c
omm
on c
once
rns
chil
dren
may
hav
e. T
o th
e ex
tent
pos
sibl
e, c
hild
ren
shou
ld b
e al
low
ed to
cho
ose
exer
cise
s an
d ac
tiviti
es
they
wan
t to
do o
r to
sugg
est a
ltern
ativ
es.
It is
use
ful f
or c
areg
iver
s w
ho w
ork
with
gri
evin
g ch
ildre
n to
ke
ep to
ys, a
rt s
uppl
ies
and
light
refr
eshm
ents
read
ily a
vaila
ble.
If c
areg
iver
s are
res
pond
ing
imm
edia
tely
af
ter a
vio
lent
dea
th, t
hey
shou
ld ta
ke p
aper
and
col
ored
mar
kers
or c
rayo
ns w
ith th
em to
use
in ta
lkin
g to
sur
vivi
ng c
hild
ren.
Mos
t chi
ldre
n ta
lk m
ore
read
ily w
hen
thei
r han
ds a
re b
usy.
Whe
n w
atch
ing
a vi
deot
ape
or li
sten
ing
to a
stor
y, m
any
child
ren
also
wan
t to
have
som
ethi
ng to
do
with
thei
r han
ds.
Whi
le c
areg
iver
s w
ant t
o lis
ten
to c
hild
ren'
s st
orie
s an
d as
sist
them
to u
nder
stan
d th
at s
omeo
ne th
ey
love
d di
ed in
the
imm
edia
te a
fter
mat
h o
f vio
lent
dea
th, m
ost q
uest
ions
and
act
iviti
es w
ill b
e ad
dres
sed
or
used
in th
e da
ys o
r wee
ks fo
llow
ing
viol
ent d
eath
.
37
1. F
indi
ng O
ut th
e C
hild
's V
ersi
on o
f Wha
t H
appe
ned
Und
erly
ing
Que
stio
ns:
How
did
[pe
rson
(s) n
ame(
s)]
die?
Wha
t hap
pene
d w
hen
s/he
die
d?
Act
ivit
ies
that
Hel
p A
ddre
ss t
he Q
uest
ions
:
• D
raw
ing
or p
aint
ing
imag
es o
f wha
t ha
ppen
ed.
Hin
t:
If ch
ildre
n ar
e re
luct
ant t
o be
gin
draw
ing
or p
aint
ing,
car
egiv
ers
may
beg
in to
dra
w
and
enco
urag
e th
e ch
ildre
n to
add
to th
eir d
raw
ings
. U
sefu
l sta
rtin
g po
ints
incl
ude
draw
ing
a fa
ce o
r a
pers
on, a
hou
se, o
r the
wea
ther
for t
he d
ay.
Hin
t:
Chi
ldre
n sh
ould
be
enco
urag
ed to
des
crib
e th
eir d
raw
ings
as
they
tell
wha
t hap
pe
ned.
Oft
en, c
hild
ren
will
add
wri
tten
wor
ds to
thei
r dra
win
gs th
at h
elp
them
to a
rtic
ulat
e th
eir f
ears
.
• G
uide
d fr
ee p
lay:
in
wor
king
wit
h gr
ievi
ng c
hild
ren
who
hav
e su
rviv
ed o
r w
itne
ssed
vio
lent
dea
th,
toys
tha
t giv
e th
em a
n op
port
unit
y to
pla
y or
act
ou
t the
eve
nt m
ay
be
help
ful.
Hin
t:
Toy
s m
ight
incl
ude
child
and
adu
lt fig
ures
, pol
icem
en, f
irem
en, d
octo
rs, a
mbu
lanc
es,
fire
truc
ks, c
ars,
bui
ldin
gs, p
ets.
Hin
t:
Car
egiv
ers
shou
ld a
sk th
e ch
ildre
n ho
w th
ey m
ight
pla
y w
ith th
em.
Oft
en c
hild
ren
have
car
egiv
ers
play
the
"bad
guy
" or
som
eone
with
who
m th
ey a
re u
pset
so th
ey c
an e
xpre
ss th
eir
dist
ress
at a
real
per
son.
Hin
t:
Chi
ldre
n of
ten
have
an
acut
e m
emor
y o
f the
trau
mat
ic e
vent
and
can
repl
ay v
ivid
ly
the
mos
t fri
ghte
ning
par
t oft
hat e
vent
. It
may
invo
lve
loud
sou
nds,
ang
ry re
spon
ses,
or s
pora
dic
activ
ity.
Car
egiv
ers
shou
ld b
e pr
epar
ed to
cop
e w
ith s
uch
reac
tions
and
pro
vide
imm
edia
te n
urtu
ring
to
child
ren
to h
elp
them
feel
saf
e ag
ain.
• D
ram
atic
ree
nact
men
ts:
olde
r ch
ildr
en m
ay
wan
t to
deve
lop
a pl
ay to
des
crib
e w
hat
happ
ened
, par
ticu
larl
y in
the
wee
ks o
r m
onth
s fo
llow
ing
the
deat
h.
Hin
t:
With
old
er c
hild
ren,
car
egiv
ers
shou
ld b
e pr
epar
ed to
cla
rify
any
mis
conc
eptio
ns th
e ch
ildre
n m
ay h
ave
abou
t wha
t hap
pene
d w
hen
the
viol
ent d
eath
was
a su
icid
e, h
omic
ide
or a
n ac
cide
nt.
Hin
t:
Dra
mat
ic re
enac
tmen
ts m
ay b
e tr
aum
atic
eve
nts
for c
hild
ren
and
care
give
rs s
houl
d be
pre
pare
d to
pro
vide
cri
sis
assi
stan
ce i
f the
dra
ma
is o
verw
helm
ing.
39
2.
Exp
lori
ng t
he D
iffe
renc
e B
etw
een
Lif
e an
d D
eath
Und
erly
ing
Que
stio
n: H
ow d
o y
ou k
now
that
som
eone
or s
omet
hing
is d
ead?
Act
ivit
ies
that
Hel
p A
ddre
ss th
e Q
uest
ion:
• T
ouch
ing
a de
ad p
erso
n o
r a
nim
al m
ay
help
chi
ldre
n co
mpa
re b
ody
war
mth
an
d
iden
tifY
a d
iffe
renc
e in
th
e fe
el o
f th
e sk
in o
f som
eone
livi
ng.
• L
iste
nin
g fo
r th
e he
artb
eat o
f a d
ead
pers
on o
r a
nim
al m
ay
help
chi
ldre
n to
com
p
are
th
e he
artb
eat o
f so
meo
ne
livi
ng.
Hin
t: L
ooki
ng a
t wha
t hap
pens
whe
n ey
egla
sses
or a
mir
ror a
re p
lace
d cl
ose
to th
e m
outh
o
f a d
ead
pers
on o
r ani
mal
and
com
pare
the
resu
lts
to w
hat h
appe
ns w
hen
the
sam
e th
ings
are
pla
ced
clos
e to
som
eone
livi
ng.
Bre
ath
cont
ains
moi
stur
e th
at w
ill c
ause
a f
og w
hen
it co
mes
into
con
tact
wit
h a
cool
pan
e o
f gla
ss.
Hin
t: S
ome
chil
dren
nev
er h
ave
the
oppo
rtun
ity
to s
ee th
e de
ad b
ody
of a
lov
ed o
ne o
r ac
quai
ntan
ce b
ecau
se th
ey a
re n
ot p
enni
tted
to a
tten
d th
e w
ake
or g
o to
the
fune
ral
hom
e o
r fun
eral
se
rvic
e. H
owev
er, i
t is
not u
ncom
mon
for c
hild
ren
to s
ee a
dea
d an
imal
, eit
her a
pet
or a
n an
imal
who
ha
s di
ed o
utsi
de (
baby
bir
ds th
at h
ave
fall
en o
ut o
ftre
es, f
or e
xam
ple)
.
Hin
t: I
t may
be
extr
emel
y di
ffic
ult f
or th
e pa
rent
or o
ther
car
egiv
er to
ass
ist a
chi
ld to
ex
plor
e th
e m
eani
ng o
f dea
th b
y vi
ewin
g th
e bo
dy o
f a d
ead
love
d on
e. I
t mig
ht b
e ea
sier
for
som
eone
w
ho
wor
ks in
the
fun
eral
hom
e to
hel
p th
e ch
ild
see
and
touc
h th
e bo
dy.
• U
se a
n i
llus
trat
ive
anal
ogy
thro
ugh
a gl
ove
exer
cise
.
Hin
t: H
ave
the
chil
dren
put
on
a gl
ove
and
then
mov
e th
eir h
an
d-p
ick
up
an o
bjec
t,
shak
e ha
nds
wit
h an
othe
r per
son,
or p
lay
wit
h a
toy.
The
glo
ve m
oves
wit
h th
e ha
nd b
ecau
se th
e ha
nd
is th
e li
fe f
orce
wit
hin
the
glov
e. H
ave
the
chil
dren
take
off
the
glov
e an
d la
y it
on
the
tabl
e. E
xpla
in th
at
whe
n th
e li
fe f
orce
is r
emov
ed, t
he g
love
is s
imil
ar to
a d
ead
body
whi
ch h
as n
o Ii
fe i
n it.
It c
an n
o lo
nger
mov
e, f
eel,
touc
h, o
r pla
y.
• S
om
e ch
ildr
en m
ay
wan
t to
see
the
body
of t
he
love
d o
ne
wh
o d
ied.
Hin
t: I
fth
e de
ath
was
vio
lent
, thi
s m
ay n
ot b
e po
ssib
le d
ue to
law
enf
orce
men
t pol
icy
or
pare
ntal
obj
ecti
on.
A v
iew
ing
of t
he b
ody
is u
sefu
l, if
chil
dren
are
pro
perl
y pr
epar
ed fo
r w
hat t
hey
wil
l se
e. l
fth
ey c
anno
t see
the
body
, it m
ay b
e im
port
ant t
o le
t par
ents
kno
w th
at it
may
take
som
e ti
me
for
chil
dren
to a
bsor
b th
e co
ncep
t tha
t the
per
son
is d
ead
and
wil
l not
retu
rn.
40
3. E
xplo
ring
Wha
t H
appe
ns t
o a
Per
son
Aft
er H
e D
ies
Und
erZy
ing
Que
stio
n: W
hat h
appe
ns to
a p
erso
n af
ter h
e di
es?
Act
ivit
ies
that
Hel
p A
ddre
ss th
e Q
uest
ion:
• R
ead
a po
em o
r st
ory,
or
show
a v
ideo
tape
abo
ut s
omeo
ne o
r so
met
hing
dyi
ng.
Ask
th
e ch
ildr
en t
o co
mm
ent o
n th
e en
ding
. W
hat
are
thei
r be
lief
s or
thou
ghts
abo
ut w
hat
hap
pene
d?
Hin
t:
Exa
mpl
es o
f sho
rt s
tori
es in
clud
e: A
ny A
ardv
arkf
inds
Hop
e, a
bo
ok
by
Do
nn
a 0
' Too
le.
Mor
e ex
cell
ent s
tori
es w
ill b
e in
the
loca
l lib
rary
.
Hin
t:
Che
ck th
e lo
cal l
ibra
ry o
r vid
eo s
tore
s fo
r vi
deos
that
add
ress
dea
th th
at w
ould
be
appr
opri
ate
for c
hild
ren
of v
aryi
ng a
ges.
Hin
t:
If ch
ildr
en a
re s
choo
l-ag
e o
r abo
ve, t
he c
areg
iver
may
ask
them
to h
elp
read
the
stor
y.
Hin
t:
Car
egiv
ers
shou
ld e
ncou
rage
chi
ldre
n to
wri
te th
eir o
wn
stor
ies
abou
t wha
t hap
pe
ned
to th
e bo
dy o
f the
ir lo
ved
one
and
wha
t the
y be
liev
e ha
ppen
s to
the
spir
it o
f the
ir lo
ved
one.
• D
raw
ing
or p
aint
ing
imag
es o
f wha
t ha
ppen
s.
Com
mon
pic
ture
them
es i
nclu
de:
-D
epic
tion
of b
uria
l or f
uner
al p
roce
edin
gs.
-Sp
irit
ual
conc
epts
suc
h as
a p
erso
n go
ing
to h
eave
n or
bei
ng in
hea
ven,
gh
osts
, go
od o
r ev
il s
piri
ts.
-T
houg
hts
on w
here
the
per
son
is o
r w
hat h
e lo
oks
like
aft
er d
eath
.
Hin
t:
Car
egiv
ers
shou
ld b
e al
ert t
o fr
ight
enin
g im
ages
, sel
f-de
pict
ions
oft
he
chil
d w
here
th
e ch
ild
mig
ht b
e sh
own
in h
idin
g o
r wit
hout
impo
rtan
t bod
y pa
rts,
dep
icti
ons
oft
he
dece
ased
that
are
di
stor
ted
or p
arti
ally
dra
wn,
etc
.
Hin
t:
Car
egiv
ers
shou
ld e
ncou
rage
chi
ldre
n to
des
crib
e th
e pi
ctur
es a
nd a
sk q
uest
ions
ab
out a
ny im
ager
y th
at is
dis
turb
ing.
41
4. E
xplo
ring
Why
a S
udde
n D
eath
has
Occ
urre
d
Und
erly
ing
Que
stio
n: W
hy d
o yo
u th
ink
[per
son(
s) n
ame(
s)]
died
?
Act
ivit
ies
that
Hel
p A
ddre
ss th
e Q
uest
ion:
• L
ife
Cyc
les
Dis
cuss
ion
Tak
e ch
ildre
n on
a fi
eld
trip
to o
bser
ve li
fe a
nd d
eath
in th
e na
tura
l wor
ld.
In a
par
k,
child
ren
mig
ht b
e ab
le to
look
at a
livi
ng tr
ee, a
dyi
ng tr
ee, a
nd a
tree
kill
ed b
y a
stor
m o
r fire
. In
sect
s m
ay b
e ob
serv
ed li
ving
and
dea
d-s
om
e su
dden
ly b
ecau
se a
chi
ld s
tepp
ed o
n th
em.
A y
oung
ani
mal
m
ay b
e vi
ewed
and
con
tras
ted
with
a v
ery
old
anim
al.
Hin
t:
Thi
s di
scus
sion
is m
ost h
elpf
ul a
s an
edu
catio
nal t
ool i
n pr
epar
atio
n fo
r dea
th;
how
ever
, it c
an b
e us
ed in
the
afte
rmat
h o
f sud
den
deat
h to
try
to p
lace
all
deat
h in
per
spec
tive.
Hin
t:
Car
egiv
ers
shou
ld b
e pr
epar
ed fo
r que
stio
ns a
bout
the
diff
eren
ces
betw
een
vari
ous
kind
s of
life
, how
it is
dec
ided
whe
n lif
e sh
ould
end
, why
doe
s so
meo
ne I
love
die
, etc
.
• "F
indi
ng A
nsw
ers"
Gam
e W
ith D
iscu
ssio
n
Inst
ruct
ions
: Pr
ovid
e a
larg
e sh
eet o
f con
stru
ctio
n pa
per t
hat i
s di
vide
d in
to a
mat
rix
of
thre
e la
rge
squa
res
by s
ix la
rge
squa
res.
Chi
ldre
n ar
e as
ked
to w
rite
or d
raw
six
reas
ons
they
bel
ieve
he
lped
to c
ause
the
deat
h of
the
pers
on th
ey lo
ved
in th
e fi
rst s
et o
f ver
tical
squ
ares
. C
areg
iver
s th
en
verif
Y o
r cor
rect
eac
h o
f tho
se re
ason
s in
the
seco
nd s
et o
f ver
tical
squ
ares
. In
the
thir
d se
t of v
ertic
al
squa
res,
car
egiv
ers a
nd c
hild
ren
toge
ther
agr
ee o
n th
e as
sess
men
t tha
t it w
as n
ot th
e ch
ild'
s fa
ult.
Hin
t:
Thi
s exe
rcis
e ex
plor
es m
agic
al th
inki
ng a
nd th
e po
ssib
ility
that
chi
ldre
n bl
ame
them
selv
es fo
r thi
ngs
they
do,
thin
k or
feel
pri
or to
the
deat
h o
f a lo
ved
one.
Car
egiv
ers
can
reas
sure
ch
ildre
n th
at th
eir j
ob in
life
is to
be
a ch
ild a
nd th
at li
fe a
nd d
eath
dec
isio
ns a
re n
ot u
nder
thei
r con
trol
.
Hin
t:
Thi
s ex
erci
se a
lso
help
s ch
ildre
n to
lear
n ab
out t
he f
acts
that
sur
roun
d th
e de
ath
of a
lo
ved
one
and
to c
larif
Y m
isco
ncep
tions
and
rum
ors.
• "I
f I C
ould
Say
Goo
d-by
e" E
xerc
ise
With
Dis
cuss
ion
Inst
ruct
ions
: A
sk c
hi ld
ren
to w
rite
or t
o de
pict
wha
t the
y th
ink
thei
r lov
ed o
ne w
ould
wan
t th
em to
kno
w i
f tha
t per
son
wou
ld h
ave
had
an o
ppor
tuni
ty to
tell
them
they
wer
e go
ing
to d
ie s
udde
nly.
A
fter
chi
ldre
n ex
pres
s th
is id
ea, t
hey
are
then
ask
ed to
wri
te o
r dep
ict w
hat t
hey
wou
ld h
ave
wan
ted
thei
r lov
ed o
ne to
kno
w.
Hin
t:
Thi
s exe
rcis
e he
lps
child
ren
expl
ore
issu
es o
f aba
ndon
men
t, an
ger o
r gri
ef ov
er th
e su
dden
loss
of a
love
d on
e. I
t als
o he
lps
child
ren
to e
xpre
ss th
eir c
onfu
sion
ove
r why
dea
th h
appe
ns.
Hin
t:
The
sec
ond
part
oft
he e
xerc
ise
help
s ch
ildre
n th
ink
thro
ugh
how
they
mig
ht re
solv
e th
ese
issu
es a
nd g
o on
livi
ng.
42
•
•
5. I
dent
ifyi
ng T
raum
a or
Gri
ef R
eact
ions
Und
erly
ing
Que
stio
n: W
hat d
o yo
u re
mem
ber f
eelin
g af
ter y
ou k
new
or f
ound
out
that
[per
son(
s)
nam
e( s)
] was
dea
d?
Act
ivit
ies
that
Hel
p A
ddre
ss th
e Q
uest
ion:
• "C
olor
Me
Blu
e" E
xerc
ise
and
Dis
cuss
ion
Inst
ruct
ions
: D
istr
ibut
e pa
per a
nd c
olor
ed m
arke
rs a
nd a
sk c
hild
ren
to m
ake
a se
ries
of
self
-por
trai
ts id
entif
Yin
g ho
w th
ey fe
el w
hen
they
are
ang
ry, a
frai
d, c
onfu
sed,
ash
amed
, gui
lty, l
onel
y,
sad,
exc
ited,
hap
py, f
eelin
g lo
ved.
The
se c
an b
e do
ne o
n on
e pa
ge o
r a s
erie
s o
f sep
arat
e p
ag
es
one
for e
ach
type
of f
eelin
g. A
sk c
hild
ren
to u
se a
spec
ial c
olor
for e
ach
feel
ing.
Aft
er th
ey h
ave
draw
n th
ose
pict
ures
, chi
ldre
n ar
e as
ked
to id
entif
Y w
hich
feel
ing
they
rem
embe
r hav
ing
first
aft
er le
arni
ng o
f th
eir l
oved
one
's d
eath
. T
hen
they
are
ask
ed to
iden
tifY
oth
er p
ictu
res t
hat i
llust
rate
add
ition
al fe
elin
gs.
Hin
t:
In th
e in
itial
sta
ges
ofth
is e
xerc
ise,
car
egiv
ers
shou
ld u
se s
impl
e, n
onth
reat
enin
g ill
ustr
atio
ns w
ith y
oung
er c
hild
ren
of w
hat t
he v
ario
us e
mot
ions
mig
ht m
ean.
Fo
r exa
mpl
e, g
uilt
mig
ht
be d
escr
ibed
as
"dra
win
g ho
w y
ou m
ight
look
if yo
u fe
lt ba
d be
caus
e yo
u di
d so
met
hing
wro
ng b
ut
didn
't w
ant t
o te
ll an
yone
."
Hin
t:
Car
egiv
ers
and
child
ren
may
wan
t to
keep
thes
e ill
ustr
atio
ns to
use
as
they
con
tinue
to
mee
t and
talk
abo
ut tr
aum
atic
gri
ef.
The
y ca
n be
com
e a
usef
ul r
efer
ence
poi
nt.
How
ever
, car
egiv
ers
shou
ld n
ote
that
chi
ldre
n m
ay w
ant t
o ch
ange
the
colo
r of d
iffe
rent
em
otio
ns a
s th
eir f
eelin
gs c
hang
e.
Hin
t:
Old
er c
hild
ren
may
not
wan
t to
take
the
time
to d
raw
pic
ture
s; h
owev
er, m
any
may
be
abl
e to
thin
k in
term
s o
f col
ors
that
cor
resp
ond
to th
eir r
eact
ions
mor
e ea
sily
than
nam
ing
thei
r re
actio
ns.
The
y m
ight
be
aske
d if
they
can
thin
k o
f a c
olor
that
fits
how
they
felt.
Som
etim
es a
vid
eo
proj
ectio
n of
the
colo
r whe
el m
ight
ass
ist t
hem
in id
entif
Yin
g th
e nu
ance
s o
f the
ir fe
elin
gs.
• R
oadm
ap o
f Tra
uma
Exe
rcis
e an
d D
iscu
ssio
n
Inst
ruct
ions
: A
sk c
hild
ren
to d
raw
a li
ne fr
om th
e tim
e th
at th
eir l
oved
one
die
d un
til th
e pr
esen
t. H
ave
them
mar
k im
port
ant e
vent
s th
at h
ave
happ
ened
dur
ing
that
tim
e on
the
line
and
indi
cate
w
heth
er th
ey w
ere
thin
gs th
at fe
lt sa
d, b
ad, m
ad, o
r gla
d.
Hin
t:
Eve
nts
may
incl
ude
the
first
tim
e th
ey re
turn
ed to
sch
ool,
the
fune
ral,
an in
terv
iew
by
the
polic
e, a
life
cha
nge
such
as
a di
vorc
e o
f par
ents
or t
he b
irth
of a
new
sib
ling,
and
so
forth
.
Hin
t:
Mos
t eve
nts
will
rela
te d
irec
tly to
the
trau
mat
ic d
eath
or b
e in
terp
rete
d in
ligh
t of
that
trau
ma.
Hin
t:
Car
egiv
ers
shou
ld b
e pr
epar
ed to
talk
abo
ut th
e on
goin
g im
pact
of t
he tr
aum
a,
clar
ifY a
ny m
isco
ncep
tions
, and
hel
p w
ith c
hild
ren'
s und
erst
andi
ng o
f ord
inar
y lif
e ch
ange
s tha
t tak
e pl
ace
and
thos
e th
at m
ight
hav
e be
en p
reci
pita
ted
by th
e im
pact
oft
he tr
aum
a.
Hin
t:
Man
y th
ings
in a
chi
ld's
life
will
cha
nge
as a
resu
lt o
f tra
umat
ic d
eath
. T
he c
areg
iver
m
ay s
eek
to fi
nd p
ositi
ve re
solu
tions
in th
ose
chan
ges,
but
som
e ne
gativ
e ch
ange
s may
take
pla
ce.
Car
egiv
ers
shou
ld b
e pr
epar
ed to
hel
p ch
ildre
n co
pe w
ith c
onse
quen
t and
suc
ceed
ing
trau
mas
.
43
6.
Cop
ing
Wit
h T
raum
a or
Gri
ef R
eact
ions
Und
erly
ing
Que
stio
n: H
ow c
an y
ou li
ve w
ith y
our f
eelin
gs?
Act
ivit
ies
that
Hel
p A
ddre
ss th
e Q
uest
ion:
• C
lay-
thro
win
g -
to A
ddre
ss A
ng
er
Ang
er a
nd ra
ge a
re th
e m
ost v
olat
ile a
nd p
oten
tially
vio
lent
em
otio
nal r
eact
ions
to tr
aum
a an
d gr
ief.
Old
er c
hild
ren
may
be
able
to e
xpre
ss a
nger
in w
ritin
g, v
erba
lly o
r thr
ough
con
stru
ctiv
e so
cial
ac
tion.
You
nger
chi
ldre
n m
ay fi
nd it
mor
e di
ffic
ult t
o fin
d w
ays
to a
dequ
atel
y al
levi
ate
thei
r fur
y. C
lay
thro
win
g ha
s be
en u
sed
by s
ome
care
give
rs to
ass
ist t
hem
. A
larg
e pl
astic
she
et o
r gar
bage
bag
is
plac
ed o
n th
e gr
ound
or f
loor
. U
nmol
ded
soft
cla
y is
giv
en to
chi
ldre
n. T
hey
may
sha
pe it
or s
impl
y ro
ll it
in a
bal
l. T
hey
are
then
allo
wed
to th
row
the
clay
on
the
shee
t as
hard
as
they
can
. E
ach
time
they
th
row
it d
own,
they
are
enc
oura
ged
to e
xpre
ss w
hat t
hey
are
thro
win
g it
for.
Hin
t:
If do
ne in
gro
ups,
this
act
ivity
nee
ds to
be
clos
ely
mon
itore
d so
that
chi
ldre
n do
not
th
row
the
clay
at e
ach
othe
r.
Hin
t:
A m
odif
icat
ion
ofth
is e
xerc
ise
invo
lves
usi
ng d
iffe
rent
col
ors
of c
lay
and
havi
ng
child
ren
iden
tity
diff
eren
t fee
lings
with
eac
h co
lor a
nd th
row
ing
the
colo
rs a
s th
ey e
xpre
ss d
iffe
rent
fe
elin
gs.
Hin
t:
Ven
tilat
ion
of a
nger
is a
use
ful e
xerc
ise
so lo
ng a
s it
is fo
llow
ed b
y re
laxa
tion
and
defu
sing
exe
rcis
es so
that
the
ange
r doe
s no
t esc
alat
e in
em
otio
nal i
nten
sity
.
• P
repa
ring
Sa
fety
Pla
ns -
to A
ddre
ss F
ear
Chi
ldre
n w
ho h
ave
been
trau
mat
ized
by
viol
ent d
eath
nee
d to
hav
e id
eas
abou
t how
they
ca
n pr
otec
t the
mse
lves
in th
e fu
ture
. Pr
actic
al s
afet
y pl
ans
may
not
be
fool
proo
f but
they
can
pro
vide
ch
ildre
n w
ith a
mea
sure
of r
eass
uran
ce.
Car
egiv
ers
shou
ld ta
lk to
chi
ldre
n ab
out t
heir
fear
s an
d tr
y to
pr
ovid
e th
em w
ith s
kills
to a
ddre
ss b
asic
pro
blem
s. F
or in
stan
ce, a
chi
ld m
ay h
ave
hear
d th
at th
ey
shou
ld c
all t
he p
olic
e in
an
emer
genc
y, b
ut th
ey d
o no
t kno
w w
hat t
he n
umbe
r is
or h
ow to
dia
l it.
Tha
t is
a s
impl
e le
sson
. T
he d
isas
ter e
duca
tion
prov
ided
to c
hild
ren
in e
arth
quak
e an
d hu
rric
ane
zone
s ar
e ex
ampl
es o
f edu
catio
n pr
ogra
ms
that
hel
p ch
ildre
n fe
el m
ore
com
pete
nt w
hen
thre
aten
ed w
ith th
ose
disa
ster
s. C
rim
e pr
even
tion
and
educ
atio
n pr
ogra
ms
can
help
chi
ldre
n fe
el m
ore
com
pete
nt w
hen
thre
aten
ed w
ith v
iole
nce.
Car
egiv
ers
shou
ld a
lso
wor
k w
ith si
61J1i f
ican
t adu
lts to
ens
ure
that
chi
ldre
n kn
ow w
hat w
ill h
appe
n to
them
if a
noth
er tr
aum
atic
dea
th o
ccur
s in
thei
r I iv
es.
Whe
re w
i 11 t
hey
go?
Who
will
they
live
with
? H
ow m
ight
they
con
tinue
to b
e in
con
tact
with
thei
r fri
ends
if t
hey
mus
t mov
e to
ano
ther
nei
ghbo
rhoo
d?
Hin
t:
Chi
ldre
n sh
ould
be
allo
wed
to p
ract
ice
safe
ty s
kills
ove
r and
ove
r aga
in u
ntil
they
re
spon
d au
tom
atic
ally
to p
erce
ptio
ns o
fthr
eats
.
-C
on
tin
ued
-
44
Hin
t:
Chi
ldre
n sh
ould
be
allo
wed
to d
evel
op th
eir o
wn
safe
ty te
chni
ques
and
try
them
out
to
see
if t
hey
wor
k. [
fthe
ir su
gges
tions
or a
ttem
pts
refl
ect g
ood
thin
king
but
nee
d re
fine
men
t, ca
regi
vers
sh
ould
rein
forc
e th
eir e
ffor
ts.
[fth
eir s
ugge
stio
ns a
re d
ange
rous
or w
ould
be
futil
e, th
ey s
houl
d be
en
cour
aged
to c
onsi
der a
ltern
ativ
es.
Hin
t:
Safe
ty p
lans
sho
uld
have
rea
listic
cha
nces
of s
ucce
ss.
Car
ryin
g a
good
luck
cha
rm
may
pro
vide
reas
sura
nce,
but
will
not
pro
vide
a c
hild
with
safe
ty.
• Jo
urna
l-w
riti
ng -
to A
ddre
ss C
onfu
sion
Kee
ping
a re
gula
r jou
rnal
is s
omet
hing
that
all
scho
ol a
ge c
hild
ren
can
do.
For y
oung
ch
ildre
n th
is m
ay in
volv
e ke
epin
g a
scra
pboo
k of
thin
gs w
ith a
few
pri
nted
wor
ds th
at d
escr
ibe
feel
ings
an
d th
ough
ts.
Old
er c
hild
ren
can
expa
nd th
eir i
deas
and
reac
tions
. T
he v
alue
ofj
oum
al-w
riti
ng is
that
it
give
s ch
ildre
n a
chan
ce to
nar
rate
thei
r sto
ry o
ver a
nd o
ver a
gain
as
wel
l as
to e
xpre
ss th
eir r
eact
ions
. E
ach
narr
atio
n m
ay h
elp
them
sor
t thr
ough
fact
s an
d em
otio
ns th
at c
onfu
se th
em.
Hin
t:
Car
egiv
ers
shou
ld a
ssur
e ch
ildre
n th
at th
eir j
ourn
als c
an b
e ke
pt p
riva
te b
ut e
ncou
rag
e th
em to
sha
re th
em v
olun
taril
y.
Hin
t:
Chi
ldre
n m
ay fi
nd it
eas
ier t
o sh
are
the
cont
ents
of t
heir
jour
nals
ifth
ey th
ink
that
th
eir e
xper
ienc
es w
ill h
elp
othe
rs w
ho fa
ce s
imila
r tra
uma
or g
rief.
• I'
m O
K A
ffir
mat
ions
-to
Add
ress
Sh
am
e
Car
egiv
ers
can
talk
to c
hild
ren
who
feel
ash
amed
of w
hat t
hey
did
duri
ng a
trau
mat
ic e
vent
, ha
ving
sur
vive
d a
trau
ma,
or h
ow th
eir l
oved
one
die
d to
thin
k ab
out t
he g
ood
thin
gs th
ey d
o an
d th
e go
od th
ings
thei
r lov
ed o
nes
have
don
e. C
hild
ren
may
be
aske
d to
list
the
thin
gs th
at th
ey a
re p
roud
est
of-
in th
emse
lves
or t
heir
love
d on
es -
and
to k
eep
a ch
art o
f eac
h tim
e th
ey d
o so
met
hing
or
rem
embe
r som
ethi
ng th
at re
affi
rms
that
qua
lity
or a
ttrib
ute.
Chi
ldre
n m
ay a
lso
feel
ash
amed
of t
hing
s th
at h
appe
n to
them
aft
er a
trau
ma.
Som
etim
es c
hild
ren
who
hav
e be
en p
erce
ived
by
adul
ts to
hav
e be
en "
hero
es"
duri
ng a
trau
ma
feel
par
ticul
arly
ash
amed
bec
ause
they
"kn
ow"
insi
de th
at th
ey w
ere
scar
ed a
nd fe
lt he
lple
ss.
Car
egiv
ers
can
talk
to c
hild
ren
and
deve
lop
plan
s fo
r ho
w to
res
pond
to
emba
rras
sing
que
stio
ns, c
omm
ents
or s
ituat
ions
. W
ritin
g ou
t "cu
e ca
rds"
that
chi
ldre
n ca
n ca
rry
with
th
em to
rem
ind
them
of h
ow th
ey p
lan
to r
espo
nd c
an p
rovi
de e
xtra
sec
urity
.
• W
orry
Bea
ds -
to A
ddre
ss G
uilt
an
d A
nxi
ety
Wor
ry b
eads
are
com
mon
obj
ects
use
d in
pra
yer a
nd m
edita
tion
in m
any
part
s of
the
wor
ld.
In a
n ad
apta
tion
of t
his
use,
car
egiv
ers
may
ask
chi
ldre
n to
mak
e a
set o
f bea
ds o
ut o
f pap
ier-
mac
he,
oldj
ewel
ry, g
lue
and
pape
r or o
ther
mat
eria
ls.
Eac
h be
ad c
an b
e us
ed to
sym
boliz
e sp
ecif
ic w
orri
es,
guilt
feel
ings
or a
nxie
ties
a ch
ild m
ay h
ave.
The
y st
ring
and
kee
p th
em to
touc
h an
d fe
el w
hene
ver t
hey
are
thin
king
anx
ious
thou
ghts
. T
hey
sym
boliz
e th
at th
ese
thou
ghts
are
with
in th
eir c
ontr
ol a
nd c
an b
e so
othe
d an
d ca
lmed
by
thei
r fin
gers
.
-C
on
tin
ued
-
45
• R
itua
l: T
he B
urde
n B
aske
t
Thi
s ri
tual
, dra
wn
from
Nat
ive
Am
eric
an T
ribe
s, w
here
bur
den
bask
ets
wer
e co
nstr
ucte
d ou
t of c
edar
to a
bsor
b an
ger a
nd te
ars
to c
arry
eve
ryda
y bu
rden
s, in
volv
es c
reat
ing
a ba
sket
out
of t
he
child
's c
hoic
e o
f mat
eria
l. T
he c
hild
then
wri
tes
or d
epic
ts fe
elin
gs th
at a
re o
verw
helm
ing
and
depo
sits
th
em in
the
bask
et.
The
bas
ket t
hen
is b
urne
d an
d th
e as
hes
scat
tere
d to
hel
p de
fuse
the
inte
nsity
oft
he
imm
edia
te fe
elin
gs.
Hin
t:
Chi
ldre
n sh
ould
be
supe
rvis
ed c
lose
ly if
the
bask
et is
bur
ned.
Hin
t:
Som
etim
es c
hild
ren
wan
t to
disp
ose
of t
he b
aske
t in
a di
ffer
ent w
ay
-su
ch
as
thro
win
g it
in a
bod
y o
f wat
er.
Hin
t:
Som
etim
es c
hild
ren
mig
ht w
ant t
o ke
ep th
e ba
sket
and
its
cont
ents
and
pic
k a
spec
ific
tim
e ea
ch d
ay o
r wee
k to
look
at t
heir
bur
dens
and
ree
xam
ine
the
issu
es in
a n
ew c
onte
xt.
• R
itua
l: T
he H
eali
ng C
ircl
e
The
sha
man
i (na
tura
l med
icin
e) tr
aditi
on th
roug
hout
the
wor
ld s
ugge
sts
that
a h
ealin
g ci
rcle
ca
n he
lp u
s co
nnec
t with
spi
rit a
nd a
ffir
m o
ur p
lace
in th
e un
iver
se.
The
Hea
ling
Cir
cle
uses
eac
h o
f the
fo
ur d
irec
tions
in n
atu
re-S
ou
th, W
est,
Nor
th a
nd E
ast t
o id
entif
y sp
ecif
ic ta
sks
and
proc
esse
s o
f de
velo
pmen
t for
indi
vidu
als a
nd c
omm
uniti
es to
atte
nd to
in th
eir l
ives
. C
hild
ren
may
par
ticip
ate
in a
rit
ual a
dapt
ed fr
om th
e sh
aman
i tra
ditio
n th
at u
ses
thes
e di
rect
ions
to a
ddre
ss th
eir n
eeds
. Mus
ic a
nd
rhyt
hm c
an b
e us
ed to
acc
ompa
ny th
is ri
tual
.
A c
ircl
e is
dra
wn
on th
e gr
ound
and
the
child
sta
nds
faci
ng S
outh
. T
his
is th
e di
rect
ion
of t
he
heal
er.
The
chi
ld a
sks
the
win
ds o
f the
Sou
th to
hel
p hi
m d
eal w
ith h
is tr
aum
a an
d gr
ief.
The
chi
ld te
lls
the
sout
h w
inds
of h
is s
orro
w a
nd lo
ss a
s w
ell a
s an
y se
nse
of a
band
onm
ent b
y th
e on
e he
love
d. A
rh
ythm
ic d
rum
beat
acc
ompa
nies
the
stor
y.
The
chi
ld th
en fa
ces
Wes
t. It
is in
this
dir
ectio
n th
at th
e ch
ild is
ask
ed to
talk
abo
ut h
is f
ears
and
hi
s lo
nelin
ess.
Thi
s is
the
dire
ctio
n o
f cou
rage
. H
e ca
lls u
pon
the
spir
its o
fthe
Wes
t to
help
him
fac
e th
ose
fear
s. A
tim
e o
f sile
nce
is u
sed
to h
elp
the
child
gat
her h
is c
oura
ge.
The
chi
ld th
en f
aces
Nor
th to
ask
for
the
abili
ty to
cop
e w
ith h
is a
nger
, fea
r, an
d sa
dnes
s. H
e as
ks th
e sp
irits
oft
he N
orth
to h
elp
him
rec
onne
ct w
ith f
amily
and
co
mm
un
ity
-to
bre
ach
the
gap
the
trau
ma
has
caus
ed.
A d
ance
of r
emem
bran
ce a
nd o
utre
ach
to o
ther
s is
use
d to
beg
in th
is p
roce
ss.
The
chi
ld fi
nally
fac
es E
ast t
o fin
d a
visi
on to
gui
de h
im in
the
futu
re.
The
task
of d
ecid
ing
how
to
go
on in
volv
es fr
eein
g on
esel
ffro
m th
e pa
st s
o th
at o
ne c
an b
e fu
lly c
omm
itted
to th
e pr
esen
t and
the
futu
re v
isio
n. S
ongs
of h
ope
acco
mpa
ny th
e ch
ild a
s he
face
s th
is d
irec
tion.
Hin
t:
Thi
s rit
ual s
houl
d be
pla
nned
in a
dvan
ce a
nd in
volv
e pa
rtic
ipat
ion
and
assi
stan
ce o
f ca
regi
vers
. It
may
be
mos
t app
ropr
iate
for o
lder
chi
ldre
n be
caus
e o
f the
com
plex
ity o
fthe
sym
bolis
m.
Ado
lesc
ents
may
wan
t to
crea
te th
eir o
wn
rhyt
hm a
nd m
usic
al a
ccom
pani
men
t.
Hin
t:
Thi
s rit
ual m
ay b
e us
ed in
four
dif
fere
nt d
iscu
ssio
n se
ssio
ns w
ith th
e ch
ildre
n in
-vo
lved
.
46
•
7. M
emor
ials
and
Rem
embr
ance
Unde
r~vi
ng Q
uest
ion:
How
can
you
rem
embe
r the
one
you
love
d an
d ex
pres
s yo
ur lo
ss?
Act
ivit
ies
that
Hel
p A
ddre
ss th
e Q
uest
ion:
• F
uner
als
an
d F
orm
al M
emor
ial S
ervi
ces
Con
sist
ent w
ith th
e sp
iritu
al b
elie
fs o
fthe
fam
ily, c
areg
iver
s sh
ould
enc
oura
ge p
aren
ts to
in
clud
e ch
ildre
n in
fune
rals
and
mem
oria
l ser
vice
s so
they
can
exp
ress
thei
r ow
n gr
ief,
say
good
-bye
to
thei
r lov
ed o
ne a
nd b
e m
ore
conn
ecte
d w
ith th
e gr
ief o
f the
ir pe
ers
and
sign
ific
ant a
dults
. C
hild
ren
may
w
ant t
o br
ing
"gif
ts"
to s
uch
serv
ices
or d
epos
it le
tters
or m
emen
tos
in th
e co
ffin
or a
t the
bur
ial s
ite.
Ofte
n tr
aditi
onal
spi
ritu
al a
nd m
ourn
ing
ritua
ls h
elp
to a
ccom
plis
h th
e ac
know
ledg
men
t of d
eath
and
the
reaf
firm
atio
n of
life.
• C
hild
-cen
tere
d M
emor
ial S
ervi
ces
Man
y tim
es c
hild
ren
need
to h
ave
thei
r ow
n m
emor
ial s
ervi
ces
in a
dditi
on to
the
ones
pl
anne
d by
and
for a
dult
grie
vers
. Su
ch p
lans
sho
uld
be e
ncou
rage
d an
d su
ppor
ted.
• C
ultu
rall
y-sa
ncti
oned
Rit
ual:
All
Sai
nts
Day
In M
exic
o, A
ll Sa
ints
Day
is a
tim
e to
hon
or th
e de
ad.
It ce
nter
s ar
ound
feas
ting
and
offe
ling
food
to th
e de
ad a
s w
ell a
s gi
ft e
xcha
nges
and
fam
ily r
euni
ons.
Car
egiv
ers
coul
d su
gges
t tha
t ch
ildre
n an
d th
eir f
amili
es a
dopt
a si
mila
r rit
ual-
perh
aps
on th
e bi
rthd
ay o
fthe
dec
ease
d lo
ved
one
or
on a
day
with
spe
cial
mea
ning
for t
he fa
mily
.
• C
ultu
rall
y-sa
ncti
oned
Rit
ual:
Bud
dhis
t a
nd
Shi
nto
Tra
diti
ons
Man
y ho
mes
hav
e an
alta
r hon
orin
g de
ceas
ed a
nces
tors
. Pi
ctur
es m
ight
be
plac
ed th
ere
and
even
an
urn
cont
aini
ng c
rem
atio
n as
hes.
Fam
ily m
embe
rs m
ay m
ake
offe
ring
s to
thei
r lov
ed o
nes,
as
k ad
vice
, or s
tate
opi
nion
s. T
he c
onne
ctio
n w
ith th
e pa
st li
ves
in th
e pr
esen
t. C
hild
ren
may
wan
t to
choo
se a
spec
ial p
lace
in th
eir o
wn
hom
e w
here
they
feel
esp
ecia
lly c
lose
to a
dec
ease
d fa
mily
mem
ber
and
mak
e a
habi
t of c
omm
unic
atin
g th
eir i
deas
and
feel
ings
to th
at p
erso
n.
Bec
ause
chi
ldre
n te
nd to
grie
ve a
nd m
ourn
spo
radi
cally
ove
r lon
g pe
riod
s of t
ime,
indi
vidu
aliz
ed
mem
oria
l act
iviti
es s
houl
d al
so b
e su
ppor
ted.
-C
on
tin
ued
-
47
• Tr
easu
re M
ap
Car
egiv
ers
can
supp
ly c
hild
ren
wit
h a
larg
e st
ack
of o
ld m
agaz
ines
, sci
ssor
s, g
lue
and
a la
rge
piec
e o
f con
stru
ctio
n pa
per.
Ins
truc
t chi
ldre
n to
go
thro
ugh
the
mag
azin
es q
uick
ly a
nd f
ind
pic
ture
s, w
ords
, or c
apti
ons
that
rem
ind
them
of t
heir
love
d on
e. A
sk th
em to
cut
out
thos
e th
at c
atch
thei
r ey
es.
Aft
er th
ey h
ave
asse
mbl
ed a
pil
e o
f cut
outs
, tel
l the
m to
wri
te th
e na
me
or d
raw
a p
ictu
re o
f the
ir
love
d on
e in
the
mid
dle
of t
he c
onst
ruct
ion
pape
r and
then
glu
e th
e ot
her i
tem
s ar
ound
in w
hate
ver o
rder
th
ey w
ant.
The
y m
ay w
ant t
o dr
aw li
nes
from
eac
h it
em to
the
pict
ure
or n
ame
in t
he c
ente
r. O
r the
y m
ay w
ant t
o d
raw
line
s th
at c
onne
ct a
ll th
e it
ems
to e
ach
othe
r and
then
en
d in
the
cen
ter.
Wha
teve
r the
or
der,
the
chil
dren
hav
e cr
eate
d a
trea
sure
map
oft
hei
r tho
ught
s an
d fe
elin
gs o
f the
love
d on
e.
Hin
t:
A v
aria
tion
oft
his
exe
rcis
e fo
r old
er c
hild
ren
is to
take
a p
iece
of p
aper
, and
in th
e m
iddl
e o
f the
pap
er p
ut th
e na
me
oft
he
pers
on.
The
n, th
ey s
houl
d be
inst
ruct
ed to
wri
te w
ords
aro
und
that
per
son'
s na
me
that
they
ass
ocia
te w
ith
them
.
Hin
t:
Chi
ldre
n m
ay u
se th
is a
s a
way
to m
emor
iali
ze a
lov
ed o
ne.
It m
ay a
lso
be u
sed
to
expl
ore
unre
solv
ed fe
elin
gs o
fth
e ch
ild
abou
t the
dec
ease
d.
• A
Mem
ory
Bo
x
Chi
ldre
n m
ay w
ant t
o sa
ve it
ems
that
rem
ind
them
oft
hei
r lo
ved
one
in a
spe
cial
box
that
ca
n b
e lo
oked
at w
hen
they
feel
sad
or w
hen
they
wan
t to
feel
the
pre
senc
e o
fth
eir
love
d on
e. C
on
stru
ctin
g an
d de
cora
ting
an
old
ciga
r box
or s
hoe
box
for
this
pur
pose
can
be
crea
tive
and
com
fort
ing
wor
k.
• V
isits
to
Cem
eter
y
Car
egiv
ers
mig
ht s
ugge
st r
egul
ar m
onth
ly v
isit
s to
the
cem
eter
y w
here
the
love
d on
es o
f ch
ildr
en a
re.
Chi
ldre
n ca
n w
rite
lett
ers
abou
t the
ir c
urre
nt a
ctiv
itie
s in
life
, poe
ms
of r
emem
bran
ce, o
r ch
oose
son
gs to
sin
g. T
his
acti
vity
hel
ps c
hild
ren
keep
a s
ense
of c
omm
unio
n an
d co
nnec
tion
wit
h th
e sp
irit
oft
he
love
d on
e.
48
E. S
up
por
t Gro
up
Act
ivit
ies
The
fol
low
ing
page
s co
ntai
n sa
mpl
e su
ppor
t gro
up s
essi
on to
pics
that
can
be
used
wit
h gr
ievi
ng c
hild
ren,
bro
ken
dow
n in
to a
ge b
YfO
UP
S b
y de
velo
pmen
tal l
evel
s. W
hile
som
e ca
regi
vers
may
fe
el m
ore
com
fort
able
if g
roup
s ar
e li
mit
ed to
chi
ldre
n o
f sim
ilar
dev
elop
men
tal l
evel
s, o
ther
car
egiv
ers
have
fou
nd m
ixed
age
s m
anag
eabl
e in
one
gro
up.
Gro
ups
shou
ld b
e li
mit
ed to
no
mor
e th
an 2
0 ch
ildr
en
to f
acil
itat
e co
mm
unic
atio
n. I
t is
best
to h
ave
at le
ast t
wo
trai
ned
care
give
rs in
att
enda
nce.
Sup
port
gr
oups
wit
h ol
der c
hild
ren
can
be f
acil
itat
ed b
y pe
ers
or g
roup
mem
bers
but
sho
uld
have
adu
lts
avai
lab
le f
or re
sour
ce a
nd c
ouns
el.
You
nger
gro
ups
may
be
faci
lita
ted
by a
dole
scen
ts in
par
tner
ship
wit
h ad
ults
.
Gro
up s
essi
ons
shou
ld u
sual
ly la
st n
o lo
nger
than
112
to I
hou
r wit
h gr
oups
age
s 2-
6; I
hou
r fo
r gr
oups
age
s 7-
11; a
nd
1 1
/2 h
ours
to 2
hou
rs f
or g
roup
s ov
er th
e ag
e o
f 12
. R
efre
shm
ents
sho
uld
be
prov
ided
, ifp
ossi
ble.
It i
s pr
efer
able
if g
roup
s m
eet w
eekl
y fo
r 6 w
eeks
and
then
take
a b
reak
bef
ore
star
ting
aga
in, i
f nee
ded.
Thi
s al
low
s ti
me
for
the
grou
p m
embe
rs to
get
to k
now
and
trus
t eac
h ot
her,
bu
t als
o al
low
s gr
oup
mem
bers
an
opp
ortu
nity
to d
rop
out a
fter
the
firs
t cyc
le, i
f the
ses
sion
s ar
e no
lo
nger
nee
ded
or d
o no
t fit
into
thei
r sch
edul
e.
Sup
port
gro
ups
may
cen
ter a
roun
d on
e pa
rtic
ular
trau
mat
ic e
vent
that
aff
ecte
d a
sign
ific
ant
popu
lati
on o
f chi
ldre
n su
ch a
s a
sudd
en d
eath
in a
sch
ool s
etti
ng o
r on
the
gri
ef o
f chi
ldre
n w
ho h
ave
surv
ived
the
deat
h o
f a lo
ved
one
in a
var
iety
of t
raum
atic
eve
nts.
The
pur
pose
oft
he
grou
p is
:
• T
o he
lp th
e ch
ildr
en p
roce
ss th
e tr
aum
atic
exp
erie
nce,
its
afte
nnat
h an
d th
eir r
eact
ions
.
• T
o id
enti
i)r t
roub
ling
thou
ghts
or e
mot
ions
sur
roun
ding
the
expe
rien
ce a
nd th
e de
ath.
• T
o pr
ovid
e ed
ucat
ion
for c
hild
ren
on tr
aum
a, g
rief
, and
hea
lthy
cop
ing
stra
tegi
es.
• T
o pr
ovid
e to
ols
and
skil
ls f
or c
hild
ren
to u
se in
eve
ryda
y li
fe a
s th
ey c
ope
wit
h tr
aum
atic
gr
ief.
49
1. A
ges
2-6
Sett
ing:
Whe
n yo
ung
chil
dren
mee
t in
a gr
oup
it is
bes
t ift
he
faci
lita
tors
arr
ange
for
a c
omfo
rt
able
env
iron
men
t whe
re th
ey c
an s
it o
n th
e fl
oor
in a
cir
cle.
Chi
ldre
n m
ay b
e en
cour
aged
to b
ring
a
favo
rite
stu
ffed
ani
mal
to th
e gr
oup.
Alt
erna
tive
ly, f
acil
itat
ors
mig
ht p
rovi
de th
e ch
ildr
en w
ith
such
a
stuf
fed
toy
to h
old
on to
whi
le th
ey p
arti
cipa
te in
the
gro
up.
Par
ents
may
be
pres
ent b
ut s
houl
d no
t pa
rtic
ipat
e in
the
sess
ions
. P
aren
ts s
houl
d be
kep
t inf
orm
ed o
f the
sub
ject
mat
ter o
f eac
h gr
oup
and
any
re
ques
ts fo
r chi
ldre
n to
do
acti
viti
es a
t hom
e o
r bri
ng th
ings
from
hom
e. R
efre
shm
ents
suc
h as
coo
kies
an
d ju
ice
shou
ld b
e pr
ovid
ed a
t the
end
of t
he s
essi
on.
Tool
s: P
aper
, cra
yons
, glu
e st
icks
, pic
ture
s cu
t fro
m m
agaz
ines
, hou
sepl
ants
or f
low
ers,
a
pitc
her a
nd
pap
er c
ups,
rib
bon,
and
a b
all.
50
Sess
ion
On
e (2
-6):
Int
rodu
ctio
n; D
iscu
ssio
n of
Vio
lent
Dea
th
A.
Fac
ilit
ator
s In
trod
uce
The
mse
lves
an
d E
xpla
in t
he
Pur
pose
of t
he
Gro
up s
essi
ons.
"Goo
d af
tern
oon.
I
am S
uzie
Wils
on a
nd th
is i
s Ju
dy M
artin
. W
e ar
e lo
okin
gfor
war
d to
tal
king
and
pla
ying
wit
h yo
u to
day.
D
id e
very
one
brin
g a
toy
wit
h th
em?
[Alt
erna
tive
: D
id
ever
yone
get
a t
oy a
s th
ey a
rriv
ed?}
C
an y
ou a
ll h
old
your
toy
up fo
r us
to
see?
T
hank
you
. Ju
dy a
nd
I ar
e go
ing
to p
lay
wit
h yo
u ev
ery
wee
k un
til
Than
k'lg
ivin
g.
[Fac
ilit
ator
s sh
ould
id
entif
j; a
hol
iday
or
seas
on t
hat c
orre
spon
ds to
whe
n th
e si
x w
eek'
! w
ill e
nd
} E
very
one
here
has
kn
own
som
eone
the
y lo
ved
who
die
d re
cent
ly.
That
is
wha
t w
e w
ant
to t
alk
abou
t -w
hat y
ou
thin
k ab
out
that
an
d h
ow y
ou
feel
. W
e al
so w
ant
to g
et to
kno
w y
ou a
ll a
lit
tle
bette
r.
So w
e w
ant y
ou
to t
ell
us y
ou
r na
me
an
d a
lit
tle
bit a
bout
the
per
son
you
know
who
die
d
To h
elp
us d
o th
at,
we
are
goin
g to
pla
ya b
all g
ame.
B.
Lis
t B
asic
Rul
es;
Tape
The
m t
o th
e W
all
to R
efer
to T
hrou
ghou
t th
e Se
ssio
n.
Rul
es f
or G
rou
p P
arti
cip
atio
n
• O
nly
one
pers
on ta
lks
at a
tim
e.
• E
very
one
has
a ch
ance
to ta
lk b
ut n
o on
e ha
s to
. •
No
one
shou
ld m
ake
fun
of a
nyon
e el
se in
the
grou
p.
• It
's o
kay
to b
e up
set a
nd fe
el f
eeli
ngs.
•
It's
not
oka
y to
hit
or s
hove
som
eone
els
e.
• A
ny q
uest
ion
can
be a
sked
, not
all
que
stio
ns c
an b
e an
swer
ed.
C.
Ba
ll G
ame
Fac
ilit
ator
s ho
ld a
bal
l in
thei
r han
ds a
nd g
ive
the
foll
owin
g in
stru
ctio
ns.
"We
are
goin
g to
rol
l th
is b
all t
o on
e o
f you
. Yo
u w
ill c
atch
it.
Whe
n yo
u c
atch
it,
we
wan
t you
to
tell
eve
rybo
dy y
ou
r na
me,
the
nam
e o
f you
r st
ufle
d an
imal
, an
d th
e na
me
of t
he
pers
on w
ho d
ied
Th
en,
we
wan
t you
to t
ell
us w
hen
the
pers
on d
ied
and
how
she
or
he d
ied
W
hen
you
aref
inis
hed
talk
ing,
you
get
to r
oll
the
ball
bac
k to
us
and
we
wil
l rol
l it
to s
omeo
ne
else
. W
hen
you
hav
e th
e ba
l!,
you
get
to t
alk;
whe
n so
meo
ne e
lse
has
the
ball,
you
get
to l
iste
n. "
Mod
el th
is a
ctiv
ity
by ro
llin
g th
e ba
ll to
ano
ther
faci
lita
tor a
nd te
llin
g yo
ur n
ame,
the
nam
e o
f yo
ur s
tuff
ed a
nim
al, a
nd th
e na
mes
of p
erso
ns w
hom
you
hav
e kn
own
who
hav
e di
ed.
Whe
n th
e ba
ll is
ro
lled
to th
e ch
ildr
en, f
acil
itat
ors
shou
ld b
e pr
epar
ed to
hel
p th
e ch
ildr
en re
mem
ber t
he q
uest
ions
by
as
king
aga
in,
"Wha
t:'!
you
r na
me?
W
ho i
s yo
ur fr
iend
[in
dica
te t
he s
tuff
ed a
nim
al}?
W
ho d
id y
ou
kn
ow w
ho d
ied?
Can
you
tell
me
whe
n or
how
it h
appe
ned?
" F
acil
itat
ors
shou
ld r
espo
nd b
y
sayi
ng th
ey a
re s
orry
the
pers
on d
ied
and
reas
sure
chi
ldre
n th
at b
eing
sad
is o
kay.
D.
Th
inki
ng
Ab
ou
t L
ife
an
d D
eath
• B
egin
this
exe
rcis
e by
say
ing,
-C
on
tin
ued
-
51
.. Whe
n so
meo
ne d
ies,
the
y ar
e de
ad.
They
don
i m
ove,
eat
, sl
eep,
or
brea
the.
Th
eir
hear
t doe
sn i
bea
t. W
hen
they
die
, th
ey c
an t
com
e ba
ck to
life
. W
hat
do y
ou t
hink
bei
ng d
ead
mea
ns?"
• A
sk th
e ch
ildr
en to
cho
ose
a pi
ece
of p
aper
and
som
e cr
ayon
s.
• A
sk th
e ch
ildr
en to
dra
w a
pic
ture
of d
eath
on
one
side
of t
he p
aper
.
• A
sk th
em to
dra
w a
pic
ture
ofl
ife
on th
e ot
her s
ide.
• A
sk e
ach
oft
he
chil
dren
to e
xpla
in th
eir p
ictu
res.
• C
lari
fy m
isco
ncep
tion
s an
d be
pre
pare
d to
ans
wer
que
stio
ns.
E.
Con
clu
sion
• T
han
k th
em fo
r be
ing
a pa
rt o
f the
gro
up a
nd fo
r pl
ayin
g to
geth
er.
• S
erve
refr
eshm
ents
.
• E
nco
ura
ge th
e ch
ildr
en to
take
thei
r pic
ture
s ho
me.
• R
emin
d th
em th
at th
ey m
ight
thin
k ab
out d
eath
or t
he p
erso
n th
ey lo
ved
duri
ng th
e ne
xt
wee
k an
d if
they
wan
t to
draw
mor
e pi
ctur
es a
bout
wha
t the
y th
ink
or fe
el, t
he f
acil
itat
ors
wou
ld li
ke to
se
e th
ose
pict
ures
at t
he n
ext g
roup
ses
sion
.
52
Sess
ion
Tw
o (2
-6):
Fee
ling
s
A.
Illt
rodu
ctio
lls
alld
Pur
pose
of G
roup
Ses
siol
l
Faci
litat
ors
shou
ld b
egin
by
revi
ewin
g th
ough
ts th
e ch
ildre
n m
ight
hav
e ha
d du
ring
the
wee
k.
"Hi.
It s
grea
t to
see
you
all a
gain
. I
hope
you
all
bro
ught
you
r.f;
·iend
s (t
he s
tufT
ed
anim
als)
. D
id a
nyon
e dr
aw a
ny p
ictu
res
last
wee
k th
at y
ou w
ould
like
to s
hare
? D
oes
anyo
ne
have
a s
tory
q[s
omet
hing
that
hap
pene
d du
ring
the
wee
k th
at y
ou w
ould
like
to
tell
?" [
If th
e ch
ildr
en a
nsw
er y
es, f
acil
itat
ors
shou
ld a
sk e
ach
one
who
wan
ts to
sho
w s
omet
hing
or
tell
som
eth
ing
to d
o so
.}
"Thi
s w
eek,
we
wan
t to
lea
rn m
ore
abou
t th
e pe
ople
you
kno
w w
ho d
ied
-w
hat
they
w
ere
like
an
d h
ow y
ou
feel
now
that
the
y ar
e go
ne. "
B.
Mem
ory
Pic
ture
s
• A
sk th
e ch
ildre
n to
dra
w p
ictu
res
of t
hing
s th
eir l
oved
one
like
d or
that
rem
ind
them
of
thei
r lov
ed o
ne.
• S
ugge
st th
at th
e ch
ildre
n se
lect
som
e pi
ctur
es fr
om m
agaz
ines
or o
ther
pub
licat
ions
of
com
mon
item
s su
ch a
s ca
ndy,
flow
ers,
hou
seho
ld a
pplia
nces
, car
s, a
nim
als
or fu
rnitu
re th
at re
min
d th
em
of t
heir
love
d on
e an
d gl
ue th
em o
n th
e pi
ctur
e pa
per.
[Pre
-cut
pic
ture
s ca
n sa
ve ti
me.
]
• A
sk ea
ch c
hild
to ta
lk a
littl
e bi
t abo
ut th
e m
emor
y pi
ctur
e.
C.
Fee
lill
g P
ictu
rebo
ok
Ask
the
child
ren
to d
raw
one
pic
ture
eac
h o
f how
they
look
whe
n th
ey e
xper
ienc
e th
e fo
llow
ing
feel
ings
.
"How
do
you
loo
k w
hen
you
feel
hap
py?"
"H
ow d
o yo
u l
ook
whe
n yo
u fe
el m
ad
?"
"How
do
you
look
whe
n yo
u fe
el a
frai
d?"
"How
do
you
look
whe
n yo
u fe
el li
ke y
ou d
id s
omet
hing
wro
ng?
" "H
ow d
o yo
u l
ook
whe
n yo
u fe
el s
ad?
"
• H
elp
the
child
ren
stap
le o
r tap
e th
em to
geth
er in
a b
ook
with
a c
over
on
it th
at s
ays"
[C
hild
's N
ame]
's Fe
elin
gs B
ook"
.
• E
xpla
in th
at:
"Fee
ling
s ar
en ~
wro
ng o
r ri
ght
but t
hey
can
mak
e u
sfee
l goo
d or
bad
. "
"Eve
ryon
e ha
s di
ffer
entf
eeli
ngs
at d
!fTer
ent
tim
es b
ut m
ost
qfu
s ha
ve s
imil
ar
feel
ings
to
each
oth
er a
t som
e tim
e. "
-
Co
nti
nu
ed-
53
"Som
etim
es i
t is
har
d to
tal
k ab
out
wha
t w
e ar
efee
ling
bec
ause
we
don'
t th
ink
othe
r pe
ople
can
und
erst
and.
but
it o
fien
hel
ps to
tal
k ab
out
wha
t w
e ar
efee
ling
bec
ause
it
mak
es u
sfee
lles
s lo
nely
. ..
• E
xp
lain
that
thes
e bo
oks
can
be u
sed
ever
y ti
me
the
grou
p m
eets
to s
how
eac
h ot
her
how
eac
h ch
ild
feel
s th
at d
ay.
• A
sk ea
ch c
hild
whi
ch fe
elin
g th
ey h
ave
righ
t now
whe
n th
ey th
ink
abou
t the
ir lo
ved
one.
• U
se th
e ba
ll g
ame
to h
elp
chil
dren
take
turn
s ta
lkin
g an
d li
sten
ing.
D.
Con
clus
ion
• T
han
k th
e ch
ildr
en fo
r com
ing
to th
e se
ssio
n.
• S
erv
e re
fres
hmen
ts.
• A
sk th
e ch
ildr
en to
rem
embe
r to
draw
pic
ture
s o
f wha
t the
y m
ight
feel
dur
ing
the
wee
k
so th
at th
ey c
an b
ring
them
to th
e ne
xt s
essi
on.
54
Sess
ion
Thr
ee (
2-6)
: F
ear
A.
Intr
oduc
tion
s a
nd
Pur
pose
of G
roup
Ses
sion
Faci
litat
ors s
houl
d be
gin
by re
view
ing
thou
ghts
the
child
ren
mig
ht h
ave
had
duri
ng th
e w
eek.
"Hi.
It s g
reat
to s
ee y
ou a
ll a
gain
. 1
hope
you
all
bro
ught
you
rfri
ends
(th
e st
uffe
d an
imal
s).
Did
any
one
draw
any
pic
ture
s la
st w
eek
that
you
wou
ld li
ke to
sha
re?
Doe
s an
yone
ha
ve a
sto
ry o
f som
ethi
ng th
at h
appe
ned
duri
ng t
he w
eek
that
you
wou
ld li
ke t
o te
ll?"
aft
he
chil
dren
ans
wer
yes
, fac
ilit
ator
s sh
ould
ask
eac
h on
e w
ho w
ants
to s
how
som
ethi
ng o
r te
ll s
ome
thin
g to
do
so.}
R
emem
ber
ourf
eeli
ng b
ooks
tha
t you
mad
e la
st w
eek
[dis
trib
ute
thef
eeli
ng
book
s}?
Can
eac
h o
f you
pic
k ou
t the
pic
ture
tha
t sho
ws
how
you
are
feel
ing
righ
t now
? [A
s th
e ch
ildr
en p
ick
out t
heir
pic
ture
s, a
sk th
em t
o te
ll w
hy t
hey
aref
eeli
ng th
at w
ay.}
"Thi
s w
eek,
we
wan
t to
talk
abo
ut t
hing
s th
at w
e ar
e af
,-aid
of
Lots
o.l
tim
es w
hen
som
eone
we
love
die
s, w
e ge
t sca
red
abou
t th
e w
ay th
ey d
ied,
how
oth
er p
eopl
e tr
eat
us,
or
may
be w
heth
er w
e're
goi
ng to
die
soo
n, t
oo.
Eve
ryon
e is
saf
e he
re r
ight
now
, bu
t 1 k
now
whe
n 1
get s
care
d o.
fsom
ethi
ng s
omet
imes
I w
ant t
o cu
rl u
p in
to a
lit
tle
teen
y ba
ll a
nd h
ide.
"
B.
Scar
y P
ictu
res
• A
sk th
e ch
ildre
n to
dra
w a
pic
ture
of a
sca
ry th
ing.
• A
sk ea
ch c
hild
to e
xpla
in w
hat i
t is
that
is s
cary
in th
e pi
ctur
e.
• A
sk th
e ch
ildre
n to
try
to c
hang
e th
e pi
ctur
e to
mak
e it
less
sca
ry.
Thi
s ac
tivity
allo
ws
child
ren
to re
aliz
e th
at th
ey h
ave
som
e po
wer
ove
r sca
ry th
ings
.
C.
Stu
ffed
An
ima
l Pla
y
• A
sk th
e ch
ildre
n to
pre
tend
that
thei
r stu
ffed
ani
mal
s are
ver
y fr
ight
ened
of s
omet
hing
.
• A
llow
each
chi
ld to
des
crib
e w
hat t
heir
ani
mal
is a
frai
d of
.
• A
sk ea
ch c
hild
to s
how
the
grou
p w
hat t
heir
ani
mal
mig
ht d
o if
it w
ere
afra
id o
r how
th
ey m
ight
mak
e th
e an
imal
fee
l saf
e ag
ain.
D.
Hou
sepl
ant
Act
ivit
y
• F
ill a
larg
e pi
tche
r with
wat
er a
nd la
bel t
he p
itche
r with
a m
arke
r as
"Fea
rs".
• G
ive
each
chi
ld a
pap
er c
up.
• A
sk ea
ch c
hild
to n
ame
som
ethi
ng th
ey a
re a
frai
d of
. W
hile
the
child
is ta
lkin
g ab
out i
t, th
e fa
cilit
ator
s sh
ould
:
• P
ou
r the
ir "
fear
s" fr
om th
e pi
tche
r int
o th
eir p
aper
cup
s. W
hen
each
chi
ld h
as a
cup
full
of f
ears
: -
Co
nti
nu
ed-
55
• A
sk th
e ch
ildr
en to
pou
r the
ir fe
ars
into
a h
ouse
plan
t.
• E
xpla
in th
at w
hen
we
keep
ou
r fea
rs to
our
selv
es, t
hey
ofte
n m
ake
us m
ore
afra
id.
Whe
n w
e ar
e ab
le to
po
ur t
hem
out
, we
can
feel
str
onge
r and
they
can
hel
p us
gro
w -ju
st
like
the
wat
er w
ill h
elp
the
plan
t to
grow
.
E.
Con
clus
ion
• T
han
k th
e ch
ildr
en fo
r com
ing
to th
e se
ssio
n.
• S
erv
e re
fres
hmen
ts.
• A
sk th
e ch
ildr
en to
rem
embe
r to
draw
pic
ture
s o
f wha
t the
y m
ight
feel
dur
ing
the
wee
k so
that
they
can
bri
ng th
em to
the
next
ses
sion
.
56
•
Sess
ion
Fou
r (2
-6):
Ang
er
A.
Intr
oduc
tion
s a
nd
Pur
pose
of G
roup
Ses
sion
Faci
litat
ors
shou
ld b
egin
by
revi
ewin
g th
ough
ts th
e ch
ildre
n m
ight
hav
e ha
d du
ring
the
wee
k.
"Hi.
It s
grea
t to
see
you
all a
gain
. I
hope
you
all
bro
ught
you
rfri
ends
(th
e st
uffe
d an
imal
s).
Did
any
one
draw
any
pic
ture
s la
st w
eek
that
you
wou
ld li
ke to
sha
re?
Doe
s an
yone
ha
ve a
sto
ry o
f som
ethi
ng th
at h
appe
ned
duri
ng th
e w
eek
that
you
wou
ld li
ke t
o te
ll?"
[I
f the
ch
ildr
en a
nsw
er y
es, f
acil
itat
ors
shou
ld a
sk e
ach
one
who
wan
ts to
sho
w s
omet
hing
or
tell
som
eth
ing
to d
o so
.]
Rem
embe
r ou
r fee
ling
boo
k'!
[dis
trib
ute
thef
eeli
ng b
ooks
]?
Can
eac
h o
f you
pi
ck o
ut th
e pi
ctur
e th
at s
how
s ho
w y
ou a
refe
elin
g ri
ght n
ow?
[As
the
chil
dren
pic
k ou
t the
ir
pict
ures
, as
k th
em t
o te
ll w
hy th
ey a
refe
elin
g th
at w
ay.]
"Thi
s w
eek,
we
wan
t to
tal
k ab
out
times
whe
n w
e ar
e an
g'y.
L
ots
qf t
imes
whe
n so
meo
ne w
e lo
ve i
s ki
lled,
we
get
mad
at
the
pers
on w
ho k
ille
d th
em,
at p
eopl
e w
ho s
houl
d ha
ve
help
ed th
em,
at o
ther
peo
ple
who
don
i u
nder
stan
d.
Som
etim
es p
eopl
e te
ll u
s w
e sh
ould
n i b
e an
gly,
but
no
one
can
help
it (
[the
y fe
el a
ngry
som
etim
es w
hen
som
eone
die
s su
dden
ly. ,
.
B.
Wor
king
With
Cla
y
• P
lace
pla
stic
gar
bage
bag
s in
fron
t of e
ach
child
and
giv
e th
e ch
ildre
n ba
lls o
f cla
y.
• A
sk th
em to
mak
e so
met
hing
that
mak
es th
em a
ngry
.
• M
ake
som
ethi
ng th
at a
nger
s yo
u as
wel
l. It
help
s sm
all c
hild
ren
to s
ee f
acili
tato
rs d
o th
e sa
me
thin
gs th
at th
ey d
o.
• A
sk e
ach
child
to d
escr
ibe
wha
t the
y ha
ve m
ade
and
why
.
• A
sk th
em w
hat t
hey
wou
ld li
ke to
do
with
thei
r cla
y-s
om
e m
ay s
mas
h it,
oth
ers
may
th
row
it o
n th
e pl
astic
as
hard
as
they
can
, or o
ther
s m
ay ju
st ro
ll it
up.
C.
Phy
sica
l A
ctiv
ity
• G
uide
angr
y ac
tivity
and
teac
h ch
ildre
n to
con
nect
thei
r fee
lings
with
saf
e ph
ysic
al
expr
eSSI
on.
• A
dapt
the
chil
dren
's so
ng, "
If Y
ou 'r
e H
appy
and
You
Kno
w It
Cla
p Y
our H
ands
" to
pr
ovid
e a
safe
out
let f
or a
nger
. T
each
the
child
ren
the
song
usi
ng "
If Y
ou 'r
eAng
ry a
nd Y
ou K
now
It"
as
a s
ubst
itute
for
"Hap
py".
Enc
oura
ge c
hild
ren
to c
lap
thei
r han
ds, s
tom
p th
eir f
eet,
and
sing
loud
ly in
an
ger.
D.
Stu
ffed
An
ima
l Pla
y
• E
xpla
in to
chi
ldre
n th
at it
is o
kay
to b
e an
gry
at s
omeo
ne, b
ut it
is n
ot o
kay
to h
urt o
r hi
t som
eone
with
who
m w
e ar
e an
gry.
-C
on
tin
ued
-
57
• A
sk th
e ch
ildre
n to
pre
tend
they
are
ver
y an
gry
at th
eir s
tuff
ed a
nim
al a
nd th
en to
de
mon
stra
te w
hat t
hey
mig
ht d
o to
sho
w th
eir p
et th
ey a
re a
ngry
.
• E
xpla
in th
at h
ittin
g or
thro
win
g is
not
a g
ood
way
to b
e an
gry.
• E
nco
ura
ge th
em to
alte
rnat
ivel
y de
al w
ith a
nger
by
not p
layi
ng w
ith th
e an
imal
, dra
win
g a
pict
ure
ofth
eir a
nger
and
sho
win
g it
to th
e an
imal
, or b
y pi
ckin
g up
thei
r cla
y, m
akin
g an
ani
mal
lik
enes
s and
sm
ashi
ng it
.
E.
Con
clu
sion
• T
han
k th
e ch
ildre
n fo
r com
ing
to th
e se
ssio
n.
• S
erve
refr
eshm
ents
.
• A
sk th
e ch
ildre
n to
rem
embe
r to
draw
pic
ture
s o
f wha
t the
y m
ight
feel
dur
ing
the
wee
k so
that
they
can
bri
ng th
em to
the
next
ses
sion
.
58
•
• •
Sess
ion
Fiv
e (2
-6):
Gri
ef a
nd M
ourn
ing
A.
Intr
oduc
tion
s an
d P
urpo
se o
f Gro
up S
essi
on
Faci
litat
ors s
houl
d be
gin
by re
view
ing
thou
ghts
the
child
ren
mig
ht h
ave
had
duri
ng th
e w
eek.
"Hi.
It:')
grea
t to
see
you
all a
gain
. I
hope
you
all
bro
ught
you
rfri
ends
(th
e st
ufTe
d an
imal
s).
Did
any
one
draw
any
pic
ture
s la
st w
eek
that
you
wou
ld li
ke to
sha
re?
Doe
s an
yone
ha
ve a
sto
ry o
f som
ethi
ng th
at h
appe
ned
duri
ng t
he w
eek
that
you
wou
ld li
ke t
o te
ll?"
a
lth
e
chil
dren
ans
wer
yes
, fac
ilit
ator
s sh
ould
ask
eac
h on
e w
ho w
ants
to
show
som
ethi
ng o
r te
ll s
ome
thin
g to
do
so.}
R
emem
ber
ourf
eeli
ng b
ook<
> [d
istr
ibut
e th
efee
ling
boo
ks}?
C
an e
ach
of y
ou
pick
out
the
pict
ure
that
sho
ws
how
you
are
feel
ing
righ
t now
? [A
s th
e ch
ildr
en p
ick
out
thei
r pi
ctur
es,
ask
them
to
tell
why
the
y ar
efee
ling
that
way
.]
"We'
ve t
alke
d a
lot
abou
t th
e w
ay w
efee
l a.ft
er s
omeo
ne w
e lo
ve i
s ki
lled
, bu
t of
ten
the
mai
n th
ing
wef
eel
is s
adne
ss.
Ther
e ar
e a
lot o
lrea
sons
to b
e sa
d an
d m
ost o
f the
m h
ave
to
do w
ith m
issi
ng th
e pe
rson
who
is
gone
. To
day
we
are
goin
g to
tal
k ab
out h
ow w
e ca
n re
mem
ber
the
pers
on w
e lo
ve s
o th
at t
heir
mem
Ol:Y
can
be
with
us
alw
ays.
"
B.
Fun
eral
Act
ivit
y
• E
xpla
in to
chi
ldre
n th
at m
any
adul
ts p
artic
ipat
e in
mem
oria
l ser
vice
s and
fun
eral
s to
re
mem
ber t
he p
erso
n w
ho d
ied.
• F
ind
out f
rom
the
child
ren
if th
ey a
ttend
ed s
uch
a se
rvic
e or
fune
ral
for t
heir
love
d on
e .
• A
sk th
em i
fthe
y ha
ve a
ny q
uest
ions
abo
ut th
e fu
nera
l and
try
to c
lari
fy a
ny m
isco
ncep
tio
ns o
r con
cern
s.
• A
sk th
em to
dra
w a
pic
ture
oft
hing
s th
ey r
emem
ber a
t the
fun
eral
or m
emor
ial.
• A
sk th
em to
tell
the
stor
y o
f the
pic
ture
.
C.
Mem
ory
Stor
ies
• E
xpla
in to
the
child
ren
that
one
way
of r
emem
beri
ng s
omeo
ne th
ey lo
ve is
to te
ll st
orie
s ab
out t
hem
to p
eopl
e th
ey m
eet.
• E
ncou
rage
them
to p
ract
ice
telli
ng s
tori
es a
bout
the
pers
on th
ey lo
ve b
y te
lling
a st
ory
to th
eir s
tuff
ed a
nim
al f
or th
e gr
oup.
D.
Col
or M
emor
ies
• E
xpla
in to
the
child
ren
that
oft
en c
erta
in c
olor
s re
min
d us
of o
ther
peo
ple.
Som
etim
es
the
colo
r was
the
favo
rite
col
or o
f the
per
son
who
die
d. S
omet
imes
the
colo
r is
a co
lor t
hat y
ou s
aw o
n th
e da
y of
the
fune
ral.
• S
how
the
child
ren
a co
lor c
hart
or b
ox o
f col
ored
mar
kers
and
ask
them
to p
ick
the
colo
r tha
t rem
inds
them
of t
he p
erso
n w
ho h
as d
ied.
59
-C
on
tin
ued
-•
Ask
the
chil
dren
to e
xpla
in w
hy th
e co
lor r
emin
ds th
em o
fth
e de
ceas
ed.
Ifth
e co
lor i
s as
soci
ated
wit
h go
od m
emor
ies,
the
chil
d sh
ould
be
enco
urag
ed to
do
an e
ntir
e pi
ctur
e in
mem
ory
oft
he
love
d on
e in
that
col
or.
Ifth
e co
lor i
s as
soci
ated
wit
h ba
d m
emor
ies,
the
faci
lita
tor
shou
ld ta
lk to
the
chil
d ab
out h
ow th
e co
lor m
ight
be
chan
ged
and
the
mem
ory
mig
ht b
e sh
aded
in f
avor
of a
goo
d m
emor
y. E
xam
ple:
A c
hild
may
pic
k a
red
mar
ker b
ecau
se h
e sa
w h
is m
othe
r kil
led
and
rem
embe
rs
the
bloo
d. T
he fa
cili
tato
r may
be
able
to e
ncou
rage
the
chil
d to
thin
k ab
out a
goo
d m
emor
y o
f his
m
othe
r suc
h as
whe
n th
ey p
laye
d in
the
sun
. T
he fa
cili
tato
r can
then
take
a y
ello
w m
arke
r and
sho
w th
e ch
ild
ho
w to
cha
nge
red
to o
rang
e to
rep
rese
nt th
e su
n ra
ther
than
the
bloo
d.
E.
Con
clus
ion
• T
han
k th
e ch
ildr
en fo
r com
ing
to th
e se
ssio
n.
• S
erv
e re
fres
hmen
ts.
• A
sk th
e ch
ildr
en to
rem
embe
r to
draw
pic
ture
s o
f wha
t the
y m
ight
feel
dur
ing
the
wee
k so
that
they
can
bri
ng th
em to
the
next
ses
sion
. S
ince
the
next
ses
sion
wil
l be
the
last
ses
sion
, ask
the
chil
dren
to lo
ok a
roun
d du
ring
the
wee
k fo
r so
meth
ing
-a m
emor
y o
bje
ct-
that t
hey
can
brin
g to
the
grou
p th
at re
min
ds th
em o
f the
ir lo
ved
one.
60
•
Sess
ion
Six
(2-6
): G
oing
on
Wit
h L
ife
A.
Intr
oduc
tion
s a
nd
Pur
pose
of G
roup
Ses
sion
Faci
litat
ors s
houl
d be
gin
by re
view
ing
thou
ghts
the
child
ren
mig
ht h
ave
had
duri
ng th
e w
eek.
"Hi.
It:\,
grea
t to
see
you
all a
gain
. I
hope
you
all
bro
ught
yourFiend~· (
the
stuf
Ted
anim
als)
. D
id a
nyon
e dr
aw a
ny p
ictu
res
last
wee
k th
at y
ou w
ould
like
to s
hare
? D
oes
anyo
ne
have
a s
tory
o.f
som
ethi
ng th
at h
appe
ned
duri
ng t
he w
eek
that
you
wou
ld li
ke t
o te
ll?"
af t
he
chil
dren
ans
wer
yes
, fac
ilit
ator
s sh
ould
ask
eac
h on
e w
ho w
ants
to s
how
som
ethi
ng o
r te
ll s
ome
thin
g to
do
so.}
R
emem
ber
ourf
eeli
ng b
ook\
' [di
stri
bute
the
feel
ing
book
s}?
Can
eac
h o.
fyou
pi
ck o
ut th
e pi
ctur
e th
at s
how
s ho
w y
ou a
refe
elin
g ri
ght n
ow?
[As
the
chil
dren
pic
k ou
t th
eir
pict
ures
, as
k th
em t
o te
ll w
hy t
hey
are
feel
ing
that
way
.}
"Tod
ay is
the
las
t ti
me
that
we
wil
l mee
t bef
ore
Than
ksgi
ving
. It
: ... b
een ve
~v s
peci
al
gett
ing
to k
now
eac
h o.
fyou
. B
ut it
:\, t
ime
to s
ay g
ood-
bye
for
a w
hile
. So
tod
ay w
e w
ant
to t
alk
abou
t w
hat e
ach
o.fu
s is
goi
ng to
do
as y
ou c
onti
nue
to g
row
up
and
get o
lder
. F
irst
, I
wan
t to
se
e w
hat
mem
ory
obje
ct y
ou b
roug
ht to
sho
w u
s. "
B.
Mem
ory
Obj
ects
• B
ring
to th
e gr
oup
a ro
ll o
f ri
bbon
and
pre
-cut
hea
rts
at le
ast t
wo
inch
es in
siz
e.
(Hea
rt d
oilie
s ca
n al
so b
e us
ed.)
• A
llow
eac
h ch
ild to
sho
w th
e m
emor
y ob
ject
, des
crib
e it
and
tell
why
it is
impo
rtan
t.
• C
ut a
pie
ce o
f rib
bon
and
atta
ch it
to a
hea
rt.
As
the
child
say
s th
e na
me
of t
he p
erso
n w
ho d
ied:
• W
rite
the
nam
e in
blo
ck le
tters
on
the
hear
t. (A
llow
the
child
to d
o th
is i
fhe
or s
he
know
s ho
w to
pri
nt.)
• A
tta
ch th
e he
art t
o th
e m
emor
y ob
ject
.
• T
ell t
he c
hild
ren
that
in m
any
cultu
res,
peo
ple
keep
mem
ory
obje
cts
in th
eir h
ome
or
carr
y th
em w
ith th
em to
con
tinue
to fe
el t
hat t
hey
can
talk
to th
eir l
oved
one
s.
C.
Loo
king
Int
o th
e F
utur
e
• A
sk th
e ch
ildre
n to
dra
w a
pic
ture
of w
hat t
hey
wan
t to
be w
hen
they
gro
w u
p.
• A
sk th
em to
tell
the
stor
y o
f the
pic
ture
.
• P
rovi
de th
em w
ith e
ncou
rage
men
t and
val
idat
ion
of p
ositi
ve p
erso
nalit
y at
trib
utes
that
ar
e re
flec
ted
in th
eir d
ream
.
-C
on
tin
ued
-
61
D.
Con
clus
ion
• T
han
k th
e ch
ildre
n fo
r com
ing
to th
e se
ssio
ns.
• G
ive
each
chi
ld a
spec
ial m
emen
to to
take
hom
e fr
om th
e gr
oup
(Exa
mpl
es: a
larg
e go
ld s
tar w
ith th
e gr
oup'
s na
me
and
the
chil
d's
nam
e, a
cer
tific
ate,
a se
t of c
olor
cra
yons
and
pap
er, a
sm
all t
oy, a
nd s
o fo
rth).
• S
erve
refr
eshm
ents
.
62
2.
Age
s 7-
11
Sett
ing:
Chi
ldre
n sh
ould
be
seat
ed in
cha
irs
arou
nd a
tabl
e in
a c
omfo
rtab
le e
nvir
onm
ent w
ith
the
faci
lita
tors
. P
aper
, cra
yons
, and
mar
kers
sho
uld
be a
vail
able
on
the
tabl
e.
Ref
resh
men
ts s
uch
as
chip
s, c
ooki
es, f
ruit
and
juic
e o
r sod
a sh
ould
be
prov
ided
at t
he e
nd o
fth
e se
ssio
n.
Tool
s: P
aper
, cra
yons
, mar
kers
, nam
e ba
dge
mak
er w
ith
colo
red
pape
r, a
nd a
ssem
bly
mat
eri
als
(alt
erna
tive
ly: n
ame
tags
wit
h pl
asti
c ho
lder
s), s
tick
ers,
old
mag
azin
es. p
aper
bag
s, g
lue
stic
ks, f
lip
char
t.
Sess
ion
One
(7-
11):
Int
rodu
ctio
n;
63
Dis
cuss
ion
of V
iole
nt D
eath
A.
Intr
oduc
e Yo
urse
lves
to
the
Chi
ldre
n a
nd
Exp
lain
Pur
pose
of t
he G
roup
Ses
sion
s.
"Goo
d af
tern
oon.
I
am S
uzie
Wils
on a
nd th
is i
s Ju
dy M
artin
. W
e ar
e lo
okin
gfor
war
d to
tal
king
with
you
toda
y.
Judy
and
I ar
e go
ing
to b
e he
re o
n T
hurs
day
afte
rnoo
n ev
e/~V
wee
kfo
r th
e ne
xt s
ix w
eeks
. E
very
one
here
has
kno
wn
som
eone
the
y lo
ved
who
was
kil
led
rece
ntly
. V
iole
nt d
eath
is
a te
rrib
le t
hing
and
we'
re s
on
y th
at it
has
hap
pene
d in
you
r liv
es.
That
is
wha
t w
e w
ant
to t
alk
abou
t -w
hat y
ou t
hink
abo
ut h
omic
ide
and
mur
der
and
how
yo
u'v
e be
en
feel
ing.
D
urin
g th
ese
sess
ions
ther
e ar
e so
me
basi
c ru
les
tofo
llow
so
that
eve
(von
e.le
e!s
com
-fo
rtab
le a
nd h
as a
n op
port
uni~
y to
tal
k !l
they
wis
h. "
B.
Lis
t Bas
ic R
ules
; Ta
pe T
hem
to
the
Wal
l to
Ref
er to
Thr
ough
out
the
Sess
ion.
Rul
es f
or G
roup
Par
tici
pati
on
• O
nly
on
e pe
rson
talk
s at
a ti
me.
•
Eve
ryon
e ha
s a
chan
ce to
talk
but
no
one
has
to.
• N
o o
ne s
houl
d m
ake
fun
of a
nyon
e el
se in
the
gro
up.
• It
's o
kay
to b
e up
set a
nd fe
el f
eeli
ngs.
•
It's
no
t ok
ay to
hit
or s
hove
som
eone
els
e.
• A
ny
que
stio
n ca
n be
ask
ed, n
ot a
ll q
uest
ions
can
be
answ
ered
.
C.
Nam
e G
ame
"We
also
wan
t to
get
to k
now
you
all
a l
ittl
e he
tte/:
So
we
wan
t you
to t
ell
us y
our
nam
e, s
omet
hing
abo
ut th
e pe
ople
who
die
d an
d ho
w th
ey d
ied.
To
hel
p us
get
acq
uain
ted,
we
have
han
ded
out t
wo
nam
e si
gns
-on
e is
a h
adge
for
you
to w
ear
and
the
othe
r is
a s
ign
to
plac
e in
fro
nt o
f you
at
the
tabl
e.
We
wan
t you
to w
rite
you
r na
me
on e
ach.
but
we
also
wan
t you
to
thi
nk a
bout
a p
ictu
re o
r sy
mbo
l tha
t you
thi
nk d
escr
ibes
you
or
your
love
d on
e an
d to
dra
w i
t or
cho
ose
a st
icke
r or
cut
out
a p
ictu
re t
hat
repr
esen
ts i
t and
put
that
on
the
badg
e an
d si
gn a
s w
ell .
..
Aft
er th
e ch
ildr
en d
o th
is, g
o a
roun
d th
e ci
rcle
and
ask
eac
h ch
ild
to s
ay th
eir n
ame,
an
d d
esc
ribe
the
sym
bol o
r pic
ture
.
D.
Vid
eota
pe
• T
ell t
he c
hild
ren:
"Man
y ch
ildr
en h
ave
had
pare
nts.
sib
ling
s o
rfh
end
s w
ho w
ere
kille
d.
The
sefa
cts
don'
t mak
e it
any
eas
ier
to l
ive
with
a p
erso
nal l
oss
but i
t m
ay h
elp
to h
ear
how
oth
er c
hild
ren
have
tho
ught
abo
ut v
iole
nt d
eath
. Th
e vi
deot
ape
was
pre
pare
d to
hel
p ch
ildr
en t
ell o
ther
chi
ldr
en w
hat
they
ha
vefe
lt a
fter
som
eone
the
y lo
ved
had
been
kill
ed.
"
-C
on
tin
ued
-
65
• Sh
ow
the
vide
otap
e.
"You
hav
e se
en s
ome
of t
he r
eact
ions
of k
ids
who
hav
e su
ffer
ed a
vio
lent
dea
th a
mon
g th
eirf
amil
ies
orfr
iend
s.
Eve
rybo
dy r
eact
s d(
ffere
ntly
. E
ach
of y
ou h
ave
your
ow
n st
orie
s.
We
wan
t to
hea
r th
ose
stor
ies
to l
earn
mor
e ab
out h
ow w
e ar
e d(
ffer
ent
and
how
muc
h w
e ar
e th
e sa
me.
E.
Tel
ling
the
Stor
y o
f V
iole
nt D
eath
• A
sk th
e ch
ildr
en to
take
a p
iece
of p
aper
and
som
e co
lore
d m
arke
rs.
Ask
them
to
thin
k ab
out t
he d
ay th
eir l
oved
one
was
kil
led,
and
wha
t the
y re
mem
ber.
Fac
ilit
ator
s ca
n pr
ompt
thei
r th
inki
ng b
y as
king
som
e o
f the
foll
owin
g qu
esti
ons
depe
ndin
g up
on th
e ev
ent(
s) g
roup
mem
bers
hav
e ex
peri
ence
d.
-W
here
wer
e yo
u w
hen
it h
appe
ned?
-
How
did
you
fin
d o
ut w
hat h
appe
ned?
-
Wha
t do
you
rem
embe
r se
eing
? -
Wha
t do
you
rem
embe
r he
arin
g?
-W
hat
do y
ou r
emem
ber
smel
ling
? -
Wha
t di
d yo
u do
?
As
they
are
thin
king
abo
ut th
e da
y, a
sk th
em to
dra
w a
pic
ture
oft
he
wor
st m
emor
y th
ey h
ave
abou
t tha
t day
. A
fter
they
hav
e co
mpl
eted
thei
r dra
win
gs, a
sk fo
r vo
lunt
eers
to s
how
thei
r pic
ture
s o
r to
tell
the
stor
y o
fth
ose
bad
mem
orie
s.
• A
sk th
e gr
oup
try
to r
emem
ber i
fth
ere
was
any
goo
d pa
rt o
f the
day
.
• A
sk th
em to
dra
w a
pic
ture
of t
he b
est m
emor
y th
ey h
ave
abou
t the
day
.
• A
sk fo
r vo
lunt
eers
to s
how
or t
ell t
hose
sto
ries
.
F.
Thi
nkin
g A
bo
ut L
ife
an
d D
eath
Fac
ilit
ator
s sh
ould
beg
in th
is e
xerc
ise
by
say
ing,
"W
hat d
oes
it m
ean
to b
e de
ad?"
The
n as
k th
e ch
ildr
en to
cho
ose
a pi
ece
of p
aper
and
som
e cr
ayon
s. A
sk th
em to
dra
w a
pic
ture
of d
eath
on
on
e si
de o
fth
e pa
per.
Aft
er th
ey a
re f
inis
hed,
ask
them
to d
raw
a p
ictu
re o
flif
e on
the
othe
r sid
e.
Whe
n th
ey a
re th
roug
h dr
awin
g, a
sk e
ach
of t
he c
hild
ren
to e
xpla
in th
eir p
ictu
res.
Fac
ilit
ator
s sh
ould
he
lp to
cla
rify
mis
conc
epti
ons
and
be p
repa
red
to a
nsw
er q
uest
ions
.
G.
Con
clus
ion
• T
han
k th
em fo
r be
ing
a pa
rt o
fth
e gr
oup.
• S
erv
e re
fres
hmen
ts.
• E
nco
ura
ge
chil
dren
to ta
ke th
eir p
ictu
res
hom
e.
• R
emin
d th
em th
at th
ey m
ight
thin
k ab
out d
eath
or t
he p
erso
n th
ey lo
ved
duri
ng th
e ne
xt
wee
k an
d if
they
wan
t to
draw
mor
e pi
ctur
es a
bout
wha
t the
y th
ink
or fe
el, t
he f
acil
itat
ors
wou
ld li
ke to
se
e th
ose
pict
ures
at t
he n
ext g
roup
ses
sion
.
66
•
Sess
ion
Tw
o (7
-11)
: F
eeli
ngs
A.
Intr
oduc
tion
s a
nd
Pur
pose
of G
roup
Ses
sion
• R
evie
w th
ough
ts th
e ch
ildre
n m
ight
hav
e ha
d du
ring
the
wee
k.
"Hi.
It s
grea
t to
see
you
all a
gain
. D
id a
nyon
e dr
aw a
ny p
ictu
res
last
wee
k th
at
you
wou
ld li
ke to
sha
re?
Doe
s an
yone
hav
e a
stm
y o.
fsom
ethi
ng th
at h
appe
ned
duri
ng t
he w
eek
that
you
wou
ld li
ke to
tel
l?"
[{lt
he c
hild
ren
answ
er y
es, f
acil
itat
ors
shou
ld a
sk e
ach
one
who
w
ants
to
show
som
ethi
ng o
r te
ll s
omet
hing
to d
o so
.}
"Thi
s w
eek,
we
wan
t to
lea
rn m
ore
abou
t th
e pe
ople
you
kno
w w
ho d
ied
-w
hat
they
wer
e li
ke a
nd
how
yo
u fe
el n
ow th
at t
hey
are
gone
. "
B.
Mem
ory
Pic
ture
s
• A
sk th
e ch
ildre
n to
cre
ate
pict
ures
of t
hing
s th
eir l
oved
one
like
d or
that
rem
ind
them
of
thei
r lov
ed o
ne.
• S
ugge
stth
at ch
ildre
n lo
ok th
roug
h th
e m
agaz
ines
and
cut
out
pic
ture
s of
thin
gs th
at
rem
ind
them
oft
heir
love
d on
e an
d gl
ue th
em o
n th
e pi
ctur
e pa
per.
• A
sk ea
ch c
hild
to ta
lk a
bout
the
mem
ory
pict
ure.
C.
Fee
ling
Pic
ture
Boo
k
• A
sk th
e ch
ildre
n to
dra
w o
ne p
ictu
re e
ach
of ho
w th
ey lo
ok w
hen
they
exp
erie
nce
the
follo
win
g fe
elin
gs. "H
ow d
o yo
u l
ook
whe
n yo
u fe
el h
appy
? "
"How
do
you
loo
k w
hen
you
feel
mad
? "
"How
do
you
look
whe
n yo
u fe
el a
frai
d? "
"H
ow d
o yo
u lo
ok w
hen
you
feel
like
you
did
som
ethi
ng w
rong
? "
"How
do
you
look
whe
n yo
u fe
el s
ad?
"
• H
elp
the
child
ren
stap
le o
r tap
e th
e fe
elin
g pi
ctur
es to
geth
er in
a b
ook
with
a c
over
on
it th
at s
ays
"[C
hild
's N
ame]
's F
eelin
gs B
ook"
.
• E
xpla
in th
at:
-F
eeli
ngs
aren
't w
rong
or
righ
t but
the
y ca
n m
ake
usf
eel g
ood
or b
ad.
-E
very
one
has
d(ff
eren
tfee
ling
s at
d(f
fere
nt t
imes
but
mos
t o.f
us h
ave
sim
ilar
fe
elin
gs t
o ea
ch o
ther
at s
ome
time.
-
Som
etim
es i
t is
har
d to
tal
k ab
out
wha
t w
e ar
e fe
elin
g be
caus
e w
e do
n't
thin
k ot
her
peop
le c
an u
nder
stan
d, b
ut it
oft
en h
elps
to t
alk
abou
t w
hat
we
are
feel
ing
beca
use
it
mak
es u
s fee
l le
ss l
onel
y.
-C
on
tin
ued
-
67
• E
xpla
in th
at th
ese
book
s ca
n be
use
d ev
ery
tim
e th
e gr
oup
mee
ts to
sho
w e
ach
othe
r ho
w e
ach
chil
d fe
els
that
day
.
• A
sk ea
ch c
hild
to d
emon
stra
te a
fee
ling
that
they
hav
e n
ow
whe
n th
ey th
ink
abou
t the
ir
love
d on
e.
D.
Con
clus
ion
• T
han
k th
e ch
ildr
en fo
r com
ing
to th
e se
ssio
n.
• S
ugg
est t
hat t
hey
take
thei
r mem
ory
pict
ures
hom
e.
• K
eep
the
"Fee
ling
Boo
ks"
until
the
next
sess
ion.
• S
erve
refr
eshm
ents
.
• A
sk th
e ch
ildr
en to
rem
embe
r to
draw
pic
ture
s o
f wha
t the
y m
ight
feel
dur
ing
the
wee
k
so th
at th
ey c
an b
ring
them
to th
e ne
xt s
essi
on.
68
Sess
ion
Thr
ee (
7-11
): F
ear
A.
Intr
oduc
tions
an
d P
urpo
se o
f Gro
up S
essi
on
• R
evie
w th
ough
ts th
e ch
ildr
en m
ight
hav
e ha
d du
ring
the
wee
k.
"Hi.
It:~
gre
at to
see
you
all
aga
in.
Did
any
one
draw
any
pic
ture
s la
st w
eek
that
yo
u w
ould
like
to s
hare
? D
oes
anyo
ne h
ave
a st
ory
o/so
met
hing
that
hap
pene
d du
ring
the
wee
k th
at y
ou w
ould
like
to t
ell?
"
• A
sk fo
r vol
unte
ers
who
wan
t to
show
or t
ell s
omet
hing
.
• D
istr
ibu
te th
e F
eeli
ng B
ooks
.
• A
sk ch
ildr
en to
pic
k ou
t a p
ictu
re th
at s
how
s ho
w th
ey fe
el r
ight
now
.
• A
sk fo
r vo
lunt
eers
to te
ll a
bout
the
pict
ure
they
cho
se.
• In
trod
uce
the
topi
c fo
r th
e da
y.
"Thi
s w
eek,
we
wan
t to
tal
k ab
out
thin
gs t
hat
we
are
a/ra
id o
f L
ots
o/t
imes
w
hen
som
eone
we
love
die
s, w
e ge
t sca
red
abou
t the
way
the
y di
ed,
how
oth
er p
eopl
e tr
eat
us,
or
may
be w
heth
er w
e're
goi
ng to
die
soo
n, t
oo.
Eve
ryon
e is
saf
e he
re r
ight
now
, bu
t I k
now
whe
n I
get s
care
d o/
som
ethi
ng s
omet
imes
I w
ant t
o cu
rl u
p in
to a
lit
tle
teen
y ba
ll a
nd h
ide.
"
B.
Wha
t Mak
es Y
ou S
care
d?
• A
sk e
ach
chil
d to
nam
e so
met
hing
that
sca
res
them
and
to te
ll w
hy
it s
care
s th
em.
C.
Let
ter
Wri
ting
• A
sk th
e ch
ildr
en to
wri
te a
let
ter t
o so
meo
ne w
ho
m th
ey th
ink
is v
ery
impo
rtan
t or
pow
erfu
l and
tell
them
in th
e le
tter
wha
t the
y sh
ould
do
abou
t the
sca
ry th
ing.
(E
xam
ples
of p
eopl
e to
w
rite
to in
clud
e: T
he P
resi
dent
, God
, a p
olic
eman
, a te
ache
r, th
eir p
aren
ts.)
D.
Act
ion
Pla
nn
ing
• D
ivid
e th
e ch
ildr
en in
to s
mal
l gro
ups
of3-
5.
• T
ell t
hem
to ta
lk a
nd th
ink
abou
t thr
ee th
ings
they
wan
t to
know
ho
w to
do
that
wou
ld
mak
e th
em fe
el s
afer
.
• A
sk e
ach
grou
p to
list
thos
e th
ree
thin
gs o
n a
piec
e o
f pap
er.
• A
sk ea
ch g
roup
to r
epor
t the
ir li
st to
the
full
grou
p.
-C
on
tin
ued
-
69
• Id
enti
fy th
ings
that
chi
ldre
n ca
n le
arn
in o
rder
to f
eel s
afer
.
• D
emon
stra
te h
ow to
do
sim
ple
thin
gs.
Exa
mpl
es in
clud
e:
-Ho
w to
use
afi
re e
xtin
guis
her.
-H
ow
to c
all t
he p
olic
e or
em
erge
ncy
serv
ices
. -
Wha
t to
do
(lth
ere
is a
n ea
rthq
uake
(or
tor
nado
or
hurr
ican
e or
floo
d. e
tc.)
.
E.
Con
clus
ion
• T
han
k th
e ch
ildre
n fo
r com
ing
to th
e se
ssio
n.
• S
erve
refr
eshm
ents
.
• A
sk th
e ch
ildr
en to
rem
embe
r to
draw
pic
ture
s o
f wha
t the
y m
ight
feel
dur
ing
the
wee
k so
that
they
can
bri
ng th
em to
the
next
ses
sion
.
70
Sess
ion
Fou
r (7
-11)
: A
nge
r
A.
Intr
oduc
tion
s a
nd
Pur
pose
of G
roup
Ses
sion
• R
evie
w th
ough
ts c
hild
ren
mig
ht h
ave
had
duri
ng th
e w
eek.
"Hi.
It s
grea
t to
see
you
all
aga
in.
Did
any
one
draw
any
pic
ture
s la
st w
eek
that
yo
u w
ould
like
to
shar
e? D
oes
anyo
ne h
ave
a st
ory
of s
ome t
hing
tha
t hap
pene
d du
ring
the
wee
k th
at y
ou w
ould
like
to
tell
? "
• A
sk fo
r vol
unte
ers
to s
how
or t
ell s
omet
hing
.
• D
istr
ibut
e th
e Fe
elin
g B
ooks
.
• A
sk fo
r vol
unte
ers
to c
hoos
e a
pict
ure
to s
how
how
they
feel
rig
ht n
ow.
• In
trod
uce
the
topi
c fo
r the
day
.
"Thi
s w
eek.
we
wan
t to
tal
k ab
out
tim
es w
hen
we
are
angl
y.
Lot
s o
f tim
es w
hen
som
eone
we
love
is
kille
d. w
e ge
t m
ad a
t th
e pe
rson
who
kil
led
them
. at
peo
ple
who
sho
uld
have
he
lped
them
. at
oth
er p
eopl
e w
ho d
on't
unde
rsta
nd.
Som
etim
es p
eopl
e te
ll u
s w
e sh
ould
n't b
e an
gry.
but
no
one
can
help
it ~r t
heyf
eel a
ngly
som
etim
es w
hen
som
eone
die
s su
dden
ly.
..
B.
Pup
pet
Pla
y
• D
istr
ibut
e pa
per b
ags,
mar
kers
, col
ored
pap
er, s
ciss
ors
and
glue
to th
e ch
ildre
n.
• A
sk th
em to
mak
e a
pape
r bag
pup
pet o
f the
ir fa
vorit
e an
imal
.
• A
sk th
e ch
ildre
n to
nam
e th
e pu
ppet
.
• M
ake
a pa
per b
ag p
uppe
t of y
ours
elf o
r an
anim
al.
• U
se y
our p
aper
bag
pup
pet t
o as
k th
e qu
estio
n o
f eac
h ch
ild'
s p
up
pet
"Wha
t mak
es y
ou r
eally
, re
ally
mad
? ! "
• A
sk th
e pu
ppet
s: "
Wha
t do
you
do w
hen
you
get m
ad?"
• L
ist a
ll th
e w
ays
that
the
pupp
ets
resp
ond
on th
e fli
p ch
art.
• D
istr
ibu
te h
ando
ut o
n go
od w
ays
to b
e m
ad a
nd b
ad w
ays
to b
e m
ad.
• T
alk
to th
e ch
ildre
n ab
out g
ood
way
s to
be
mad
and
bad
way
s to
be
mad
.
-C
on
tin
ued
-
71
C.
Ph
ysic
al A
ctiv
ity
Ang
er c
reat
es e
nerg
y th
at n
eeds
to b
e re
leas
ed.
Fac
ilit
ator
s ca
n gu
ide
that
act
ivit
y an
d te
ach
chil
dren
to c
onne
ct th
eir f
eeli
ngs
wit
h sa
fe p
hysi
cal e
xpre
ssio
n.
• G
ive
the
chil
dren
a p
iece
of p
aper
and
a p
enci
l or m
arke
r.
• A
sk th
e ch
ildr
en to
wri
te o
r dra
w a
bout
the
thin
g th
at m
akes
them
ang
ry.
• T
ape
a la
rge
piec
e o
f pap
er w
ith
a bi
g re
d ci
rcle
on
the
wal
l.
• A
sk th
e ch
ildr
en to
wad
thei
r ang
er [p
aper
] in
to a
bal
l.
• A
sk th
e ch
ildr
en to
thro
w th
eir a
nger
at t
he c
ircl
e on
the
wal
l.
• A
llow
them
to p
ick
up th
e pa
per b
alls
and
thro
w th
em a
gain
and
aga
in.
D.
Con
clu
sion
• T
han
k th
e ch
ildr
en fo
r com
ing
to th
e se
ssio
n.
• Se
rve
refr
eshm
ents
.
• A
sk th
e ch
ildr
en to
rem
embe
r to
draw
pic
ture
s o
f wha
t the
y m
ight
feel
dur
ing
the
wee
k so
that
they
can
bri
ng th
em to
the
next
ses
sion
.
72
Sess
ion
Fiv
e (7
-11)
: G
rief
and
Mou
rnin
g
A.
Intr
oduc
tion
s a
nd
Pur
pose
of G
roup
Ses
sion
• R
evie
w th
ough
ts th
e ch
ildre
n m
ight
hav
e ha
d du
ring
the
wee
k.
"Hi.
It s g
reat
to s
ee y
ou a
ll a
gain
. D
id a
nyon
e dr
aw a
ny p
ictu
res
last
wee
k th
at
you
wou
ld li
ke t
o sh
are?
Doe
s an
yone
hav
e a
stor
y o
f som
ethi
ng th
at h
appe
ned
duri
ng th
e w
eek
that
you
wou
ld li
ke to
tel
l?"
• A
sk fo
r vol
unte
ers
to s
how
or t
ell s
omet
hing
.
• D
istr
ibut
e Fe
elin
g B
ooks
.
• A
sk fo
r vol
unte
ers
to c
hoos
e a
pict
ure
to s
how
how
they
are
fee
ling
righ
t now
.
• In
trod
uce
topi
c fo
r the
day
.
"We'
ve t
alke
d a
lot
abou
t th
e w
ay w
efee
l af
ter
som
eone
we
love
is
kille
d, b
ut
ofte
n th
e m
ain
thin
g w
efee
l is
sadn
ess.
Th
ere
are
a lo
t of r
easo
ns t
o be
sad
and
mos
t of t
hem
ha
ve to
do
wit
h m
issi
ng th
e pe
rson
who
is
gone
. To
day
we
are
goin
g to
tal
k ab
out
how
we
can
rem
embe
r th
e pe
rson
we
love
so
that
the
ir m
emor
y ca
n be
with
us
alw
ays.
"
B.
Fun
eral
Act
ivit
y
• E
xpla
in to
chi
ldre
n th
at m
any
adul
ts p
artic
ipat
e in
mem
oria
l ser
vice
s an
d fu
nera
ls to
re
mem
ber t
he p
erso
n w
ho d
ied.
• A
sk th
e ch
ildre
n if
they
atte
nded
suc
h a
serv
ice
or fu
nera
l for
thei
r lov
ed o
ne.
• A
sk th
em if
they
hav
e an
y qu
estio
ns a
bout
fune
rals
.
• C
lari
fy an
y m
isco
ncep
tions
or c
once
rns.
• D
ivid
e th
e ch
ildre
n in
to s
mal
l gro
ups.
• A
sk ea
ch g
roup
to p
lan
a fu
nera
l or m
emor
ial.
• R
econ
vene
the
child
ren
as a
larg
e gr
oup
and
ask
each
gro
up to
tell
or d
emon
stra
te th
e fu
nera
l or m
emor
ial t
hey
plan
ned.
C.
Mem
ory
Stor
ies
• E
xpla
in to
the
child
ren
that
one
way
to re
mem
ber s
omeo
ne th
ey lo
ve is
to te
ll st
orie
s ab
out t
hem
to p
eopl
e th
ey m
eet.
-C
on
tin
ued
-
73
• R
ead
a sh
ort s
tory
abo
ut s
omeo
ne w
ho h
as d
ied.
• A
sk th
e ch
ildr
en to
wri
te a
sho
rt s
tory
abo
ut th
e pe
rson
they
love
d.
• A
sk fo
r vol
unte
ers
to re
ad th
eir s
tori
es w
hen
they
are
fin
ishe
d.
E.
Con
clus
ion
• T
han
k th
e ch
ildr
en fo
r com
ing
to th
e se
ssio
n.
• Se
rve
refr
eshm
ents
.
• A
sk th
e ch
ildr
en to
rem
embe
r to
draw
pic
ture
s o
f wha
t the
y m
ight
feel
dur
ing
the
wee
k so
that
they
can
bri
ng th
em to
the
next
ses
sion
. S
ince
the
next
ses
sion
wil
l be
the
last
ses
sion
, ask
the
chil
dren
to l
ook
arou
nd d
urin
g th
e w
eek
for so
meth
ing
-a m
emor
y o
bje
ct-
that t
hey
can
brin
g to
the
grou
p th
at re
min
ds th
em o
fth
eir l
oved
one
.
74
Sess
ion
Six
(7-1
1):
Goi
ng o
n W
ith
Lif
e
A.
Intr
oduc
tion
s a
nd
Pur
pose
of G
roup
Ses
sion
• R
evie
w th
ough
ts th
e ch
ildr
en m
ight
hav
e ha
d du
ring
the
wee
k.
"Hi.
It s g
reat
to s
ee y
ou a
ll a
gain
. D
id a
nyon
e dr
aw a
ny p
ictu
res
last
wee
k th
at
you
wou
ld li
ke t
o sh
are?
Doe
s an
yone
hav
e a
stD
ly o
.[so
met
hing
that
hap
pene
d du
ring
the
wee
k th
at y
ou w
ould
like
to
tell
? "
• A
sk fo
r vol
unte
ers
to s
how
or t
ell s
omet
hing
that
hap
pene
d.
• D
istr
ibut
e th
e F
eeli
ng B
ooks
.
• A
sk fo
r vo
lunt
eers
to c
hoos
e a
pict
ure
and
desc
ribe
thei
r fee
ling
s ri
ght n
ow.
• In
trod
uce
topi
c fo
r th
e da
y.
"Tod
ay is
the
las
t tim
e th
at w
e w
ill
mee
t bef
ore
Tha
nksg
ivin
g.
It s
been
ver
y .\p
ecia
l get
ting
to k
now
eac
h o.
[you
. B
ut it
:5 t
ime
to s
ay g
ood-
bye
for
a w
hile
. So
tod
ay w
e w
ant
to t
alk
abou
t w
hat
each
o.[
us i
s go
ing
to d
o as
you
con
tinu
e to
gro
w u
p an
d ge
t ol
der.
F
irst
, I
wan
t to
see
wha
t m
emor
y ob
ject
you
bro
ught
to s
how
us.
"
B.
Mem
ory
Obj
ects
• H
ave
a ro
ll o
f ri
bbon
and
pre
-cut
hea
rts
at le
ast t
wo
inch
es in
siz
e. (
Hea
rt d
oili
es c
an
also
be
used
.)
• A
llow
eac
h ch
ild
to s
how
the
mem
ory
obje
ct, d
escr
ibe
it an
d te
ll w
hy it
is i
mpo
rtan
t.
• A
fter
eac
h ch
ild
tell
s ab
out t
he m
emor
y ob
ject
, the
fac
ilit
ator
s sh
ould
cu
t a p
iece
of
ribb
on a
nd
att
ach
it to
a h
eart
.
• A
llow
eac
h ch
ild
to w
rite
the
nam
e o
f the
love
d on
e on
the
hear
t.
• T
ie o
r gl
ue th
e ri
bbon
and
hea
rt to
the
mem
ory
obje
ct.
• E
xpla
in th
at in
man
y cu
ltur
es, p
eopl
e ke
ep m
emor
y ob
ject
s in
thei
r hom
e o
r car
ry th
em
wit
h th
em to
con
tinu
e to
feel
tha
t the
y ca
n ta
lk to
thei
r lov
ed o
nes.
C.
Loo
king
Int
o th
e F
utur
e
• A
sk th
e ch
ildr
en to
thin
k ab
out w
hat t
hey
wan
t to
be w
hen
they
gro
w u
p.
-C
on
tin
ued
-
75
• D
ivid
e th
e ch
ildr
en in
to s
mal
l gro
ups
and
ask
them
to ta
lk w
ith
each
oth
er a
bout
wha
t th
ey w
ant t
o be
and
pla
n ho
w to
"ac
t out
" th
eir f
utur
e fo
r th
e w
hole
gro
up.
• R
econ
ven
e th
e ch
ildr
en a
s a
larg
e gr
oup.
Ask
eac
h sm
all g
roup
to "
act o
ut th
e dr
eam
s" o
f eac
h gr
oup
mem
ber.
D.
Con
clus
ion
• T
han
k th
e ch
ildr
en fo
r com
ing
to th
e se
ssio
ns.
• G
ive
each
chi
ld a
spe
cial
mem
ento
to ta
ke h
ome
from
the
grou
p (e
xam
ples
: a
phot
ogr
aph
of t
he g
roup
toge
ther
, a c
ard
wit
h au
togr
aphs
fro
m e
ach
grou
p m
embe
r, a
poe
m o
r quo
tati
on.)
• S
erve
refr
eshm
ents
.
76
• •
3. A
ges
12-1
8
Sett
ing:
You
th s
houl
d be
sea
ted
in c
hair
s ar
ound
a ta
ble
in a
com
fort
able
env
iron
men
t wit
h th
e fa
cili
tato
rs.
Pap
er a
nd p
enci
ls s
houl
d be
ava
ilab
le o
n th
e ta
ble.
R
efre
shm
ents
suc
h as
chi
ps, c
ooki
es,
frui
t and
juic
e o
r sod
a sh
ould
be
prov
ided
at t
he e
nd o
f the
ses
sion
.
Tool
s: P
aper
, cra
yons
, mar
kers
, nam
e ba
dge
mak
er w
ith
colo
red
pape
r, a
nd a
ssem
bly
mat
eri
als
(alt
erna
tive
ly: n
ame
tags
wit
h pl
asti
c ho
lder
s), s
tick
ers,
old
mag
azin
es, s
mal
l not
eboo
ks, g
lue
stic
ks,
fiip
char
t.
77
•
Sess
ion
One
(12
-18)
: In
trod
ucti
on;
Dis
cuss
ion
of V
iole
nt D
eath
A.
Intr
odu
ce Y
ours
elve
s an
d E
xpla
in P
urpo
se o
f the
Gro
up S
essi
ons.
"Goo
d af
tern
oon.
I
am S
uzie
Wils
on a
nd th
is i
s Ju
dy M
artin
. W
e ar
e lo
okin
gfor
war
d to
tal
king
wit
h yo
u to
day.
Ju
dy a
nd I
are
goin
g to
be
here
on
Thu
rsda
y aj
iern
oon
ever
y w
eekf
or
the
next
six
wee
ks.
Eve
ryon
e he
re h
as k
now
n so
meo
ne t
hey
love
d w
ho w
as k
ille
d re
cent
ly.
Vio
lent
dea
th i
s a
terr
ible
thi
ng a
nd w
e're
so
ny
that
it h
as h
appe
ned
in y
our
lives
. Th
at i
s w
hat
we
wan
t to
tal
k ab
out -
wha
t you
thi
nk a
bout
hom
icid
e an
d m
urde
r an
d ho
w y
ou
've
been
fe
elin
g.
Dur
ing
thes
e se
ssio
ns th
ere
are
som
e ba
sic
rule
s to
/all
ow s
o th
at e
very
onef
eels
com
-fo
rtab
le a
nd
has
an
oppo
rtun
ity
to t
alk
([ th
ey w
ish.
'.'
B.
Lis
t B
asic
Rul
es;
Tap
e to
th
e W
all
to R
efer
to T
hrou
ghou
t th
e Se
ssio
n.
Rul
es fo
r G
roup
Par
ticip
atio
n
• O
nly
one
pers
on ta
lks
at a
tim
e.
• E
very
one
has
a ch
ance
to ta
lk b
ut n
o on
e ha
s to
. •
No
one
shou
ld m
ake
fun
of a
nyon
e el
se in
the
grou
p.
• It
's o
kay
to b
e up
set.
•
It's
not
oka
y to
hur
t som
eone
els
e.
• A
ny q
uest
ion
can
be a
sked
, not
all
que
stio
ns c
an b
e an
swer
ed.
• N
othi
ng s
aid
in th
e gr
oup
shou
ld b
e re
peat
ed to
oth
ers
exce
pt fo
r ge
nera
l ide
as.
C.
Nam
eGam
e
"We
also
wan
t to
get
to k
now
you
all
a l
ittl
e be
tter.
So
we
wan
t you
to t
ell
us y
ou
r na
me,
som
ethi
ng a
bout
the
peop
le w
ho d
ied
and
how
they
die
d.
To h
elp
us g
et a
cqua
inte
d, w
e ha
ve h
ande
d ou
t tw
o na
me
sign
s -
one
is a
ba
dg
e/o
r yo
u to
wea
r an
d th
e ot
her
is a
sig
n to
pl
ace
infr
on
t o
f yo
u a
t th
e ta
ble.
W
e w
ant y
ou to
wri
te y
our
nam
e on
eac
h, b
ut w
e al
so w
ant y
ou
to t
hink
abo
ut a
pic
ture
or
,\ym
bol t
hat y
ou t
hink
des
crib
es y
ou o
r yo
ur l
oved
one
an
d to
dra
w i
t or
cho
ose
a st
icke
r o
r cu
t ou
t a p
ictu
re t
hat
repr
esen
ts i
t and
put
that
on
the
badg
e an
d si
gn a
s w
ell.
"
Aft
er th
e yo
uth
do th
is, g
o ar
ound
the
circ
le a
nd a
sk e
ach
pers
on to
say
thei
r nam
e, d
escr
ibe
the
sym
bol o
r pic
ture
.
D.
Vid
eota
pe
• T
ell t
he y
outh
:
"Man
y ki
ds h
ave
had
pare
nts,
sib
ling
s or
.fi-i
ends
who
wer
e ki
lled.
T
hese
fact
s do
n i m
ake
it a
ny e
asie
r to
liv
e w
ith a
per
sona
l lo
ss b
ut it
may
hel
p to
hea
r ho
w o
ther
s ha
ve
thou
ght
abou
t vi
olen
t de
ath.
Th
e vi
deot
ape
was
pre
pare
d to
hel
p ki
ds t
ell
othe
r ki
ds w
hat
they
ha
ve fe
lt a
.fier
som
eone
the
y lo
ved
had
been
kill
ed.
"
-C
on
tin
ued
-
79
• S
ho
w th
e vi
deot
ape.
"You
hav
e se
en s
ome
of t
he r
eact
ions
of p
eopl
e w
ho h
ave
suff
ered
a v
iole
nt d
eath
am
ong
thei
rfam
ilie
s or
/rie
nds.
E
very
body
rea
cts
d(fJ
eren
tly.
Eac
h o
f you
hav
e yo
ur
own
stor
ies.
W
e w
ant
to h
ear
thos
e st
orie
s to
lea
rn m
ore
abou
t how
we
are
d(ff
eren
t an
d ho
w m
uch
we
are
the
sam
e. "
E.
Tel
ling
the
Stor
y o
f V
iole
nt D
eath
• A
sk th
e yo
uth
to c
lose
thei
r eye
s an
d th
ink
abou
t the
per
son
who
has
die
d an
d w
hen
th
ey fi
rst l
earn
ed a
bout
the
deat
h.
• A
sk th
em to
thin
k ab
out t
he f
ollo
win
g qu
esti
ons:
-W
here
wer
e yo
u w
hen
it h
appe
ned?
-
How
did
you
fin
d o
ut w
hat h
appe
ned?
-
Wha
t do
you
rem
embe
r se
eing
? -
Wha
t do
you
rem
embe
r he
arin
g?
-W
hat
do y
ou r
emem
ber
smel
ling
? -
Wha
t di
d yo
u do
?
• A
sk th
em to
ope
n th
eir e
yes
and
ask
for
volu
ntee
rs to
tell
wha
t the
y th
ough
t abo
ut.
• R
ecor
d co
rnm
on c
risi
s re
acti
ons
on th
e fl
ip c
hart
.
• E
xp
lain
the
patt
ern
oftr
aum
a an
d gr
ief r
eact
ion.
• D
istr
ibut
e ha
ndou
ts o
n tr
aum
a an
d gr
ief r
eact
ions
(see
App
endi
x I)
.
• A
sk th
e yo
uth
to ta
ke a
pie
ce o
f pap
er a
nd d
raw
a s
trai
ght h
oriz
onta
l lin
e ac
ross
it.
Tel
l th
em to
mar
k th
e st
art o
fth
e li
ne a
nd in
dica
te th
at th
e st
art o
fth
e li
ne w
ill s
ymbo
lize
whe
n th
e de
ath
happ
ened
. T
he e
nd o
fth
e li
ne w
ill s
ymbo
lize
toda
y. N
ow a
sk th
em to
mar
k on
the
line
any
sig
nifi
cant
ev
ents
that
hav
e ta
ken
plac
e si
nce
the
death
-in
dica
te th
ose
thin
gs th
at w
ere
unha
ppy
even
ts o
r sad
ti
mes
und
erne
ath
the
line
and
thos
e th
at w
ere
posi
tive
or g
ood
even
ts a
bove
the
line
.
• S
ho
w th
e yo
uth
an e
xam
ple
of s
uch
a li
ne o
n th
e fl
ip c
hart
.
• A
sk fo
r vo
lunt
eers
to d
escr
ibe
wha
t the
y ha
ve d
raw
n on
thei
r pap
er.
F.
Thi
nkin
g A
bo
ut
Lif
e a
nd
Dea
th
• B
egin
this
exe
rcis
e by
ask
ing
-"W
hat d
oes
it m
ean
to b
e de
ad?
" "W
hat h
appe
ns w
hen
you
die?
"
-C
on
tin
ued
-
80
•
•
• D
istr
ibu
te p
oem
, "D
irge
wit
hout
Mus
ic"
by E
dna
St. V
ince
nt M
illa
y (s
ee A
ppen
dix
II).
• R
ead
the
po
em a
nd a
sk th
e gr
oup
for c
omm
ents
and
thou
ghts
on
thei
r ow
n pe
rspe
cti
ves o
f dea
th. •
Ask
the
grou
p to
hel
p yo
u li
st th
e m
ost c
omm
on c
once
ptio
ns o
f dea
th.
Incl
ude:
-D
eath
as
an u
ltim
ate
fina
lity
-w
ith
no a
fter
lfle
. -B
iolo
gic
al d
ecay
of t
he b
ody.
-D
ea
th a
s a
rele
ase
o.lt
he s
piri
t. -
Dea
th w
ith
an a
fter
/ffe
in w
hich
the
re i
s a
heav
en,
purg
ator
y a
nd
hel
l. -
Dea
th w
ith
an a
fier
l(fe
thr
ough
rei
ncar
nati
on.
-D
eath
wit
h an
aft
erl(
fe i
n he
aven
.
G.
Rec
ordi
ng Y
our
Tho
ught
s a
nd
Rea
ctio
ns
• D
istr
ibu
te sm
all n
oteb
ooks
to e
ach
pers
on.
• A
sk th
em to
wri
te o
r dra
w a
bout
thou
ghts
or r
eact
ions
they
hav
e ab
out t
he p
erso
n w
ho
w
as k
ille
d du
ring
the
next
wee
k. T
ell t
hem
that
the
note
book
s ar
e to
be
conf
iden
tial
but
eve
ryon
e w
ill
be g
iven
an
oppo
rtun
ity
to r
ead
or s
how
wha
t the
y ha
ve r
ecor
ded
if th
ey c
hoos
e to
do
so.
F.
Con
clus
ion
• A
sk th
e gr
oup
to e
ach
brin
g a
phot
ogra
ph o
r pic
ture
of t
he p
erso
n w
ho
was
kil
led
to
the
next
gro
up s
essi
on.
• T
han
k th
em fo
r bei
ng a
par
t of t
he g
roup
.
• S
erv
e re
fres
hmen
ts.
81
Ses
sion
Tw
o (1
2-18
): T
raum
a an
d G
rief
Rea
ctio
ns
A.
Intr
oduc
tion
s a
nd
Pur
pose
of G
roup
Ses
sion
• R
evie
w th
ough
ts th
e yo
uth
mig
ht h
ave
had
duri
ng th
e w
eek.
"Hi.
It:\,
grea
t to
see
you
all a
gain
. D
id a
nyon
e m
ake
any
jour
nal e
ntri
es l
ast
wee
k th
at y
ou w
ould
like
to
shar
e? "
• In
tro
du
ce to
pic
for
the
wee
k.
"Thi
s w
eek,
we
wan
t to
lear
n m
ore
abou
t th
e pe
ople
you
kno
w w
ho w
ere
kil
led
w
hat t
hey
wer
e li
ke a
nd h
ow y
ou h
ave
been
rea
ctin
g si
nce
thei
r de
ath.
"
B.
Pic
tllr
e C
ol/a
ge
• A
sk th
e yo
uth
to c
reat
e a
coll
age
ofth
ings
thei
r lov
ed o
ne li
ked
or t
hat r
emin
d th
em o
f th
eir l
oved
one
.
• H
ave
grou
p m
embe
rs s
elec
t a p
iece
of c
olor
ed c
onst
ruct
ion
pape
r.
• G
lue
the
phot
ogra
ph o
r pic
ture
of t
he l
oved
one
on
the
pape
r.
• S
ug
ges
tth
at g
roup
mem
bers
look
thro
ugh
the
mag
azin
es a
nd c
ut o
ut p
ictu
res
ofth
ings
th
at re
min
d th
em o
fth
eir l
oved
one
and
glu
e th
em a
roun
d th
e pi
ctur
e.
• A
sk e
ach
youn
g pe
rson
to ta
lk a
bout
the
pict
ure
coll
age
and
desc
ribe
thei
r lov
ed o
ne.
C.
Rea
ctio
n E
xerc
ise
• T
ape
six
shee
ts o
f col
ored
con
stru
ctio
n pa
per w
ith
di ff
eren
t rea
ctio
ns w
ritt
en o
n th
em in
di
ffer
ent l
ocat
ions
aro
und
the
room
. T
he s
ix r
eact
ions
sho
uld
be:
Red
-An
ger
Y
ello
w -
Fea
r G
reen
-G
uilt
O
rang
e -
Sha
me
Blu
e -
Sad
ness
P
ink
-Hap
py
• E
xp
lain
that
:
-N
one
of t
hese
rea
ctio
ns a
re w
rong
or
righ
t but
d~f
rere
nt r
eact
ions
can
mak
e us
fe
el g
ood
or b
ad.
-C
on
tin
ued
-
83
-E
vel:
vone
has
d(f
fere
nt r
eact
ions
at d
(ffe
rent
tim
es t
o d(
ffer
ent
thin
gs b
ut m
ost
~lus h
ave
sim
ilar
rea
ctio
ns to
oth
ers
at s
ome
time.
-So
met
imes
it
is h
ard
to t
alk
abou
t ho
w w
e re
act
or w
hat
we
are
thin
king
be
caus
e w
e do
n't
thin
k ot
her
peop
le c
an u
nder
stan
d, b
ut it
~/i
en h
elps
to t
alk
abou
t ou
r re
acti
ons
beca
use
it m
akes
usf
eell
ess
lone
ly.
• A
sk th
e gr
oup
to c
hoos
e on
e o
f the
se r
eact
ions
to th
ink
abou
t and
then
to g
o to
the
loca
tion
mar
ked
by th
e ap
prop
riat
e pa
per.
• A
sk g
roup
mem
bers
to te
ll th
e re
st o
f the
gro
up:
-w
hat
they
tho
ught
abo
ut w
hen
they
pic
ked
the
part
icul
ar r
eact
ion.
-
how
the
y re
act
whe
n th
e.v.
/eel
angry,fea~/ul,
guil~v,
asha
med
, sa
d, o
r ha
ppy.
-
wha
t th
ey u
sual
ly d
o or
wha
t th
ey w
ould
like
to
do w
hen
the,
yfee
l ang
~v,
few
ful,
gui
lty,
asha
med
, sa
d o
r ha
ppy.
• A
fter
eac
h pe
rson
has
res
pond
ed, a
sk th
e gr
oup
mem
bers
to s
elec
t ano
ther
col
or a
nd
reac
tion
-and
mov
e to
it.
• R
epea
t the
exe
rcis
e un
til e
ach
grou
p m
embe
r has
com
men
ted
on e
ach
reac
tion
.
• A
sk th
e gr
oup
to s
it d
own.
D.
Cop
ing
With
Rea
ctio
ns
• E
xp
lain
that
reac
tion
s ca
n be
exp
ress
ed in
pos
itiv
e or
neg
ativ
e w
ays.
• A
sk th
e gr
oup
to h
elp
you
crea
te a
list
of p
osit
ive
and
nega
tive
way
s o
f dea
ling
wit
h an
ger,
fea
r, g
uilt
, sha
me,
sad
ness
and
hap
pine
ss.
• L
istt
hei
r res
pons
es o
n th
e fl
ip c
hart
.
E.
Con
clus
ion
• T
han
k th
e gr
oup
mem
bers
for c
omin
g to
the
sess
ion.
• S
ug
ges
t tha
t the
y ta
ke th
eir p
ictu
re c
olla
ge h
ome.
• R
emin
d th
em to
con
tinu
e to
wri
te o
r dra
w in
the
ir jo
urna
ls o
ver t
he n
ext w
eek.
• S
erv
e re
fres
hmen
ts.
84
•
Sess
ion
Thr
ee (
12-1
8):
Fea
r
A.
Intr
oduc
tion
s a
nd
Pur
pose
of G
roup
Ses
sion
• R
evie
w th
ough
ts th
e yo
uth
mig
ht h
ave
had
duri
ng th
e w
eek.
"Hi.
It:~
gre
at to
see
you
all
aga
in.
Did
any
one
reco
rd s
omet
hing
in y
our j
our
nals
tha
t you
wou
ld li
ke to
sha
re?
..
• A
sk fo
r vo
lunt
eers
to r
espo
nd.
• In
trod
uce
the
topi
c fo
r th
e da
y.
"Thi
s w
eek.
we
wan
t to
tal
k ab
out
thin
gs t
hat
we
are
afra
id o
f L
ots
0/ tim
es
whe
n so
meo
ne is
kill
ed.
peop
le b
ecom
e sc
ared
abo
ut th
e w
ay th
ey d
ied.
how
oth
er p
eopl
e re
act.
wha
t is
expe
cted
o/u
s, o
r m
aybe
whe
ther
we
wil
l be
kill
ed o
r di
e so
on.
too.
M
any
peop
le a
re
afra
id 0
/ lot
s 0/
thin
gs a
bout
dea
th ..
.
B.
Fea
rs A
bo
ut D
eath
• D
istr
ibut
e w
orks
heet
s o
n fe
ars
abou
t dea
th (s
ee A
ppen
dix
III)
.
• A
sk e
ach
grou
p m
embe
r to
spen
d te
n m
inut
es th
inki
ng a
bout
var
ious
fear
s an
d co
m
plet
e th
e w
orks
heet
s.
• In
stru
ct th
em n
ot to
put
thei
r nam
es o
n th
e w
orks
heet
.
• C
olle
ct th
e w
orks
heet
s, m
ix th
em u
p, a
nd d
istr
ibut
e th
em b
ack
to th
e gr
oup
mak
ing
sure
that
no
one
gets
thei
r ow
n w
orks
heet
bac
k.
• T
akin
g ea
ch fe
ar, o
ne a
t a ti
me,
ask
eac
h gr
oup
mem
ber t
o re
ad w
hat i
s w
ritt
en o
n th
e w
orks
heet
he
or s
he n
ow
has
.
• D
iscu
ss th
e di
ffer
ence
bet
wee
n pr
acti
cal,
real
isti
c fe
ars
and
impr
obab
le fe
ars.
C.
Act
ion
Pla
nnin
g
• D
ivid
e th
e yo
uth
into
sm
all g
roup
s of
3-5.
• D
istr
ibut
e fe
ar a
ctio
n pl
anni
ng w
orks
heet
s (s
ee A
ppen
dix
IV).
• T
ell t
hem
to id
entif
Y th
ree
prac
tica
l thi
ngs
that
they
wor
ry a
bout
or a
re a
frai
d o
f in
thei
r ev
eryd
ay li
fe.
-C
on
tin
ued
-
85
• A
sk th
em to
wor
k to
geth
er to
dev
elop
a p
lan
for
wha
t the
y ca
n do
to m
ake
them
selv
es
feel
saf
er.
• E
mph
asiz
e th
at th
e pl
an s
houl
d in
clud
e pr
actic
al a
ctio
n st
eps
that
they
can
impl
emen
t by
them
selv
es o
r with
the
help
of o
ther
mem
bers
in th
e co
mm
unity
.
• A
sk th
em to
iden
tify
wha
t act
ion
that
they
will
take
dur
ing
the
next
wee
k to
beg
in to
im
plem
ent t
heir
pla
n.
• A
sk ea
ch g
roup
to r
epor
t the
ir g
roup
pla
n to
the
full
grou
p.
D.
Con
clu
sion
• T
han
k th
e gr
oup
mem
bers
for c
omin
g to
the
sess
ion.
• S
erve
refr
eshm
ents
.
• R
emin
d th
e gr
oup
to c
ontin
ue to
rec
ord
thou
ghts
and
rea
ctio
ns in
thei
r jou
rnal
s.
86
Sess
ion
Fou
r (1
2-18
): A
nger
A.
Intr
oduc
tion
s an
d P
urpo
se o
f Gro
up S
essi
on
• R
evie
w th
ough
ts th
at g
roup
mem
bers
mig
ht h
ave
had
duri
ng th
e w
eek.
"Hi.
It s
grea
t to
see
you
all a
gain
. D
id a
nyon
e re
cord
any
thin
g in
yo
ur j
ourn
al
duri
ng t
he l
ast
wee
k?"
• A
sk fo
r vol
unte
ers
to s
how
or t
ell s
omet
hing
.
• A
sk fo
r sm
all g
roup
repo
rts
on w
hat t
hey
acco
mpl
ishe
d on
thei
r act
ion
plan
s de
velo
ped
last
wee
k.
• In
trod
uce
the
topi
c fo
r the
day
.
"Thi
s w
eek,
we
wan
t to
tal
k ab
out
tim
es w
hen
we
are
ang,
:v.
Lot
s o
f tim
es w
hen
som
eone
we
love
is
kille
d, w
e ge
t mad
at
the
pers
on w
ho k
ille
d th
em,
at p
eopl
e w
ho s
houl
d ha
ve
help
ed th
em,
at o
ther
peo
ple
who
don
't un
ders
tand
. So
met
imes
peo
ple
tell
us
we
shou
ldn'
t be
angr
y, b
ut n
o on
e ca
n he
lp i
t ([t
hey/
eel a
ngry
som
etim
es w
hen
som
eone
die
s su
dden
ly. "
B.
Dis
cuss
ion
of t
he P
hysi
olog
y o
f An
ger
• R
ead
and
dist
ribu
te ex
cerp
t fro
m A
nger
: Th
e M
isun
ders
tood
Em
otio
n, b
y C
arol
T
avris
(see
App
endi
x V
).
• D
istr
ibut
e ang
er w
orks
heet
s (s
ee A
ppen
dix
VI)
.
• A
sk th
e gr
oup
mem
bers
to fi
ll ou
t the
wor
kshe
ets.
• A
sk fo
r vol
unte
ers
to r
ead
the
com
men
ts th
ey m
ade
on th
e w
orks
heet
s to
the
grou
p.
C.
Bur
ning
up
Your
An
ger
• G
ive
the
grou
p m
embe
rs a
pie
ce o
f pap
er a
nd a
pen
cil o
r mar
ker.
• A
sk th
e gr
oup
to li
st th
e th
ings
that
mak
e th
em m
ost a
ngry
abo
ut th
e de
ath
ofth
eir
love
d on
e.
• In
stru
ct th
em to
che
ck o
ff th
ings
that
they
can
do
som
ethi
ng a
bout
.
• D
ivid
e th
e gr
oup
into
sm
all g
roup
s of
3-5.
• D
istr
ibut
e an
ger a
ctio
n pl
anni
ng w
orks
heet
s (s
ee A
ppen
dix
VII
).
-C
on
tin
ued
-
87
• T
ell t
hem
to w
ork
toge
ther
to c
reat
e a
pers
onal
act
ion
plan
for e
ach
mem
ber t
o ad
dres
s th
e is
sues
ove
r whi
ch th
ey h
ave
som
e co
ntro
l.
• E
mph
asiz
e th
at th
e pl
an s
houl
d in
clud
e pr
actic
al a
ctio
n st
eps
that
they
can
impl
emen
t by
them
selv
es o
r with
the
help
of o
ther
mem
bers
in th
e co
mm
unity
.
• A
sk th
em to
iden
tifY
wha
t act
ion
that
they
will
take
dur
ing
the
next
wee
k to
beg
in to
im
plem
ent t
heir
plan
.
• P
ass a
met
al w
aste
can
or b
ucke
t aro
und
the
room
and
ask
the
grou
p m
embe
rs to
th
row
the
rem
aini
ng li
st o
f ang
ry th
ings
that
they
can
't co
ntro
l int
o th
e ca
n or
buc
ket.
• S
et fi
re to
the
pape
r to
sym
bolic
ally
bum
aw
ay th
e an
ger.
D.
Phy
sica
l A
ctiv
ity
Ang
er c
an a
lso
be "
burn
ed u
p" o
r def
used
thro
ugh
phys
ical
act
ivity
.
• A
sk ea
ch m
embe
r oft
he g
roup
to th
ink
of a
spec
ific
type
of p
hysi
cal a
ctiv
ity w
hich
they
en
joy
that
they
can
use
to b
um u
p an
ger w
hen
they
bec
ome
upse
t. So
me
exam
ples
mig
ht b
e:
-ru
nnin
g or
jogg
ing
-pla
yin
gfo
otb
all
-p
layin
g a
mus
ical
inst
rum
ent
-da
ncin
g
-ro
win
g a
boat
E.
Con
clus
ion
• G
ive t
he g
roup
the
read
ing
assi
gnm
ent o
f "Fu
nera
l and
Mou
rnin
g C
usto
ms"
, fro
m
Giv
ing
Sorr
ow W
ords
by
Can
dy L
ight
ner a
nd N
ancy
Hat
haw
ay, a
nd d
istr
ibut
e co
pies
of t
he c
hapt
er
(see
App
endi
x V
III)
.
• T
han
k th
e gr
oup
for c
omin
g to
the
sess
ion.
• S
erve
refr
eshm
ents
.
• R
emin
d th
e gr
oup
to c
ontin
ue to
rec
ord
entr
ies
in th
eir j
ourn
als a
nd to
impl
emen
t the
ir
fear
and
ang
er a
ctio
n pl
ans.
88
•
Sess
ion
Fiv
e (1
2-18
): G
rief
and
Mou
rnin
g
A.
Intr
oduc
tion
s an
d P
urpo
se o
f Gro
up S
essi
on
• R
evie
w th
ough
ts th
e yo
uth
mig
ht h
ave
had
duri
ng th
e w
eek.
"Hi.
It:S'
grea
t to
see
you
all a
gain
. D
id a
nyon
e dr
aw a
ny p
ictu
res
last
wee
k th
at
you
wou
ld li
ke to
sha
re?
"
• A
sk fo
r vol
unte
ers
to s
how
or t
ell s
omet
hing
.
• A
sk fo
r gro
up re
port
s on
wha
t peo
ple
have
don
e to
impl
emen
t the
ir fe
ar o
r ang
er
actio
n pl
ans.
• In
trod
uce
topi
c fo
r the
day
.
.. We'
ve t
alke
d a
lot
abou
t th
e w
ay w
efee
l aft
er s
omeo
ne w
e lo
ve i
s ki
lled,
but
of
ten
the
mai
n th
ing
wef
eel
is s
adne
ss.
Ther
e ar
e a
lot o
f rea
sons
to
be s
ad
an
d m
ost o
f the
m
have
to d
o w
ith m
issi
ng th
e pe
rson
who
is
gone
. To
day
we
are
goin
g to
tal
k ab
out
how
we
can
rem
embe
r th
e pe
rson
we
love
so
that
the
ir m
emO
lY c
an b
e w
ith u
s al
way
s. "
B.
Fun
eral
s an
d M
emor
ials
Act
ivit
y
• E
xpla
in to
the
grou
p th
at fu
nera
ls a
nd m
emor
ials
are
a w
ay o
f say
ing
good
-bye
to
peop
le w
ho h
ave
died
and
oft
en h
elp
peop
le to
gri
eve
thei
r los
s. F
uner
als
and
mem
oria
ls c
an b
e pa
infu
l an
d gr
im f
or s
ome
surv
ivor
s.
• A
sk th
e gr
oup
how
man
y at
tend
ed s
uch
a se
rvic
e or
fune
ral f
or th
eir l
oved
one
.
• A
sk th
em i
f the
y ha
ve a
ny q
uest
ions
abo
ut w
hat t
hey
saw
or h
eard
.
• C
lari
fy an
y m
isco
ncep
tions
or c
once
rns.
• A
sk th
em to
hel
p yo
u lis
t exa
mpl
es o
f fun
eral
or m
emor
ial c
usto
ms
that
are
use
d in
di
ffer
ent c
ultu
ral g
roup
s or d
iffe
rent
par
ts o
f the
cou
ntry
.
• D
ivid
e th
e yo
uth
into
sm
all g
roup
s.
• A
sk ea
ch g
roup
to p
lan
a fu
nera
l or
mem
oria
l the
way
they
wou
ld li
ke to
see
one
hel
d.
• R
econ
vene
the
yout
h as
a la
rge
grou
p an
d as
k ea
ch g
roup
to r
epor
t on
the
fune
ral
or
mem
oria
l the
y pl
anne
d.
-C
on
tin
ued
-
89
C.
Vid
eo a
nd
Mem
ory
Stor
ies
• E
xp
lain
to th
e gr
oup
that
one
way
to r
emem
ber s
omeo
ne th
ey lo
ve is
to te
ll s
tori
es
abou
t the
m to
peo
ple
they
mee
t.
• S
ho
w th
e vi
deo,
"S
hado
w o
fth
e D
ream
". (
Con
tact
NO
VA
for
inf
orm
atio
n on
how
to
obta
in a
cop
y o
f thi
s vi
deo.
)
• E
xp
lain
that
Bet
ty J
ane
Spe
ncer
agr
eed
to d
o th
e vi
deo
as a
mem
oria
l to
her b
oys.
• A
sk th
e gr
oup
mem
bers
to w
rite
a s
hort
sto
ry a
bout
the
pers
on th
ey lo
ved.
• A
sk fo
r vol
unte
ers
to re
ad th
eir s
tori
es w
hen
they
are
fin
ishe
d.
D.
Con
clus
ion
• A
ssig
n th
e gr
oup
mem
bers
to b
ring
a m
emor
y ob
ject
to th
e ne
xt a
nd la
st s
essi
on.
• A
ssig
n th
e gr
oup
mem
bers
to w
rite
a le
tter
to th
e pe
rson
who
was
kil
led
tell
ing
them
an
ythi
ng th
ey w
ould
esp
ecia
lly
like
them
to k
now
.
• T
han
k th
e gr
oup
for c
omin
g to
the
sess
ion.
• S
erv
e re
fres
hmen
ts.
• R
emin
d th
e gr
oup
to c
onti
nue
to r
ecor
d en
trie
s in
the
ir jo
umal
s.
90
Sess
ion
Six
(12-
18):
Goi
ng o
n W
ith
Lif
e
A.
Intr
oduc
tion
s an
d P
urp
ose
of G
roup
Ses
sion
• R
evie
w th
ough
ts th
e gr
oup
mig
ht h
ave
had
duri
ng th
e w
eek.
"Hi.
It s g
reat
to s
ee y
ou a
ll a
gain
. D
id a
nyon
e dr
aw a
ny p
ictu
res
last
wee
k th
at
you
wou
ld li
ke to
sha
re?"
• A
sk fo
r vol
unte
ers
to s
how
or t
ell s
omet
hing
from
thei
r jou
rnal
s.
• A
sk fo
r gr
oup
repo
rts
on th
e pr
ogre
ss o
fth
eir f
ear
or a
nger
act
ion
plan
s.
• In
trod
uce
topi
c fo
r the
day
.
"Tod
ay is
the
las
t tim
e th
at w
e w
ill
mee
t bef
ore
Tha
nksg
ivin
g.
It ~'1
bee
n ve
ry
spec
ial g
etti
ng to
kno
w e
ach
q[ y
ou.
But
it:"
tim
e to
say
goo
d-by
e fo
r a
whi
le.
So t
oday
we
wan
t to
tal
k ab
out
wha
t eac
h q
[us
is g
oing
to d
o as
you
con
tinu
e to
gro
w u
p an
d ge
t ol
del:
Fir
st,
I w
ant
to s
ee w
hat
mem
ory
obje
ct y
ou b
roug
ht to
sho
w u
s. "
B.
Mem
ory
Obj
ects
• H
ave
a ro
ll o
f ri
bbon
and
pre
-cut
hea
rts
at le
ast t
wo
inch
es in
siz
e. (
Hea
I1 d
oili
es c
an
also
be
used
.)
• A
llow
eac
h gr
oup
mem
ber t
o sh
ow th
e m
emor
y ob
ject
, des
crib
e it
and
tell
wh
y it
is
impo
rtan
t.
• A
fter
eac
h yo
ung
pers
on te
lls
abou
t the
mem
ory
obje
ct, c
ut a
pie
ce o
f rib
bon
and
atta
ch it
to a
hea
rt.
• A
llow
eac
h pe
rson
to w
rite
the
nam
e o
fth
e lo
ved
one
on th
e he
art.
• T
ie o
r gl
ue
the
ribb
on a
nd h
eart
to th
e m
emor
y ob
ject
.
• E
xpla
in th
at in
man
y cu
ltur
es, p
eopl
e ke
ep m
emor
y ob
ject
s in
thei
r hom
e o
r car
ry th
em
wit
h th
em to
con
tinu
e to
fee
l tha
t the
y ca
n ta
lk to
the
ir lo
ved
ones
.
C.
Let
ters
to L
oved
One
s
• A
sk fo
r vo
lunt
eers
to r
ead
the
lett
ers
they
wro
te to
the
pers
on w
ho w
as k
ille
d.
• O
ffer
to c
olle
ct th
e le
tter
s fr
om t
he g
roup
and
mak
e a
book
of a
ll th
e le
tter
s to
be
dist
libu
ted
to a
ll th
e gr
oup
mem
bers
.
-C
on
tin
ued
-
91
• A
sk if
ther
e is
any
thin
g el
se th
ey w
ould
like
to d
o w
ith th
e le
tters
.
D.
Thi
nkin
g A
bou
t th
e F
utu
re
• B
reak
the
grou
p in
to p
airs
of y
oung
peo
ple.
• A
sk ea
ch p
air t
o ta
ke tu
rns
inte
rvie
win
g ea
ch o
ther
abo
ut w
hat t
hey
wan
t to
do w
hen
they
gro
w u
p an
d ho
w th
ey p
lan
to a
ccom
plis
h th
eir g
oals
.
• T
ell t
hem
to b
e sp
ecif
ic b
ecau
se a
fter
they
hav
e ta
lked
for f
ifte
en o
r tw
enty
min
utes
, ea
ch p
erso
n w
ill b
e as
ked
to "
intr
oduc
e" th
eir p
artn
er to
the
grou
p as
i fth
ey w
ere
now
thir
ty-f
ive
year
s ol
d.
• H
ave
the
grou
p m
embe
rs m
ake
thei
r pre
sent
atio
n.
E.
Con
clu
sion
• T
han
k th
e gr
oup
mem
bers
for c
omin
g to
the
sess
ions
.
• G
ive
each
you
ng p
erso
n a
cert
ific
ate
of c
ompl
etio
n of
the
grou
p pr
oces
s.
• T
ake
a pi
ctur
e o
f the
gro
up to
geth
er a
s a
"gra
duat
ion"
pic
ture
.
92
F. T
he
Nee
d f
or P
rofe
ssio
nal H
elp
wit
h G
riev
ing
Chi
ldre
n
Whi
le th
is g
uide
book
can
be
used
by
vict
im a
ssis
tanc
e pr
ofes
sion
als
and
othe
r car
egiv
ers
to
help
gri
evin
g ch
ildr
en, m
any
chil
dren
who
sur
vive
the
trau
mat
ic, v
iole
nt d
eath
of s
omeo
ne w
hom
they
lo
ve m
ay n
eed
prof
essi
onal
men
tal h
ealt
h he
lp.
The
foll
owin
g m
ay b
e sy
mpt
oms o
f the
nee
d fo
r add
itio
nal h
elp:
1.
Whe
n ch
ildr
en d
on
't ta
lk a
bout
the
dece
ased
, do
n't
men
tion
his
or h
er n
ame,
and
avo
id
hear
ing
any
conv
ersa
tion
s ab
out t
he d
ecea
sed.
2.
Whe
n ch
ildr
en b
ecom
e de
stru
ctiv
e to
pro
pert
y, o
ther
peo
ple,
pet
s o
r the
mse
lves
.
3.
Whe
n sc
hool
per
form
ance
goe
s do
wn
and
rem
ains
low
.
4.
Whe
n ch
ildr
en b
ecom
e ov
erly
con
cern
ed w
ith
doin
g an
ythi
ng w
rong
.
5.
Whe
n ch
ildr
en s
how
a p
reoc
cupa
tion
wit
h de
ath.
6.
Whe
n ch
ildr
en re
enac
t the
dea
th e
xper
ienc
e ov
er a
nd o
ver.
(S
ome
reen
actm
ent i
s a
part
o
f ven
tila
tion
, but
obs
essi
ve r
eena
ctm
ent o
ver t
ime
may
indi
cate
ext
raor
dina
ry d
istr
ess.
)
7.
Whe
n ch
ildr
en u
se th
e de
ath
expe
rien
ce a
s an
exc
use
for
unde
sira
ble
beha
vior
.
8.
Whe
n ch
ildr
en o
veri
dent
ifY
wit
h th
e de
ceas
ed a
nd b
egin
to ta
ke o
n a
sim
ilar
per
sona
lity
.
9.
Whe
n ch
ildr
en s
how
sign
s o
f hav
ing
trou
ble
eati
ng o
r sle
epin
g.
10.
Whe
n ch
ildr
en c
ompl
ain
of n
ot fe
elin
g go
od w
itho
ut a
ny e
vide
nt p
hysi
cal s
ympt
oms
for
a lo
ng p
erio
d o
f tim
e.
93
VI.
P
roto
cols
for
Wor
king
wit
h G
riev
ing
Chi
ldre
n
A. B
ackg
roun
d C
onsi
dera
tion
s
1.
Vic
tim
ass
ista
nce
prof
essi
onal
s ar
e of
ten
call
ed u
pon
to r
espo
nd to
chi
ldre
n w
ho h
ave
surv
ived
the
viol
ent d
eath
of s
omeo
ne th
ey k
now
or l
ove,
or w
ho h
ave
wit
ness
ed v
iole
nt d
eath
. S
ome
prof
essi
onal
s ar
e ca
lled
to th
e sc
enes
of v
iole
nce
and
mus
t ass
ist c
hild
ren
in t
he im
med
iate
aft
erm
ath
of a
cr
ime.
Oth
ers
may
be
aske
d to
wor
k w
ith
chil
dren
in th
e pr
oces
s o
f hel
ping
oth
er fa
mil
y m
embe
rs d
eal
wit
h th
e cr
imin
al ju
stic
e sy
stem
. St
ill o
ther
s be
com
e in
volv
ed w
ith
aidi
ng c
omm
unit
ies
or sc
hool
sys
tem
s de
velo
p an
d im
plem
ent p
lans
for
help
ing
chil
dren
cop
e w
ith
the
impa
ct o
f dea
th o
n th
eir d
aily
live
s.
The
se g
uide
line
s de
scri
be a
ppro
pria
te s
teps
for
suc
h as
sist
ance
, and
age
-app
ropr
iate
res
pons
es a
nd
prov
ide
a va
riet
y o
f ski
lls,
tool
s an
d te
chni
ques
.
2.
The
goa
l of v
icti
m a
ssis
tanc
e w
ith g
riev
ing
chil
dren
is:
To h
elp
chil
dren
und
erst
and
and
live
with
the
ir g
rief
in a
he
alth
y a
nd
con
stru
ctiv
e w
ay.
3.
Mos
t chi
ldre
n fe
el a
frai
d an
d is
olat
ed a
fter
exp
osur
e to
vio
lent
dea
th.
Suc
cess
ful
inte
rven
tion
s ar
e pr
edic
ated
on
deve
lopi
ng s
ocia
l net
wor
ks o
f sup
port
for
them
invo
lvin
g fa
mil
y m
em
bers
, sch
ool p
erso
nnel
, pee
rs, a
nd c
omm
unit
y m
embe
rs.
4.
The
impa
ct o
f dea
th o
n ch
ildr
en a
nd th
eir a
bili
ty to
cop
e w
ith
grie
f in
its a
fter
mat
h is
de
pend
ent u
pon:
a.
The
ir a
ge o
f dev
elop
men
t.
b.
The
att
ribu
tes
of t
he d
eath
-ho
w th
e pe
rson
die
d.
c.
The
rela
tion
ship
of t
he c
hild
to th
e pe
rson
who
die
d.
d.
The
nat
ure
of t
he d
eath
not
ific
atio
n.
e.
Chi
ldre
n's
prev
ious
exp
elie
nce
and
expo
sure
to d
eath
and
loss
.
f T
heir
exis
ting
cop
ing
skill
s.
g.
The
nat
ure
oft
hei
r sup
port
net
wor
k.
h.
The
info
rmat
ion
rece
ived
from
and
the
beha
vior
s an
d at
titu
des
of c
areg
iver
s ar
ound
them
.
5.
The
re a
re fi
ve c
riti
cal a
ctiv
itie
s th
at m
ust b
e ac
com
plis
hed
in o
rder
to li
ve w
ith
grie
f:
a.
Und
erst
andi
ng w
hat h
appe
ned.
95
b.
Exp
erie
ncin
g th
e pa
in o
f the
loss
.
c.
Mou
rnin
g th
e lo
ss.
d.
Com
mem
orat
ing
the
loss
.
e.
Adj
usti
ng to
and
inte
grat
ing
the
loss
into
a n
ew li
fe.
6.
Vio
lent
dea
th c
ompo
unds
gri
ef.
The
re a
re fi
ve is
sues
to b
e ad
dres
sed
in c
opin
g w
ith
the
trau
ma
of v
iole
nce:
a.
Ree
stab
lish
ing
orde
r and
saf
ety.
b.
Add
ress
ing
the
impa
ct o
f the
trau
ma
even
t.
c.
Ack
now
ledg
ing
the
dist
ress
cau
sed
by th
e tr
aum
a.
d.
Ref
ram
ing
the
trau
ma
thro
ugh
mea
ning
, pur
pose
or h
ope.
e.
Rec
onci
ling
trau
ma
and
loss
in a
new
life
.
7.
It is
ess
enti
al to
add
ress
bot
h tr
aum
a is
sues
and
gri
ef o
ver d
eath
whe
n w
orki
ng w
ith
chil
dren
who
hav
e su
rviv
ed v
iole
nt d
eath
.
8.
Mos
t vic
tim
ass
ista
nce
prof
essi
onal
s ha
ve s
urvi
ved
the
deat
h o
f a lo
ved
one
them
selv
es
and
mus
t add
ress
thei
r ow
n is
sues
pri
or to
tryi
ng to
hel
p o
ther
s-p
arti
cula
rly
chi
ldre
n.
B. D
efin
itio
ns
Ch
ild
-Fo
r th
e pu
rpos
es o
f thi
s pr
otoc
ol, a
chi
ld is
def
ined
as
an i
ndiv
idua
l bet
wee
n th
e ag
es o
f 0-1
8. T
hree
dev
elop
men
tal
stag
es a
re a
ddre
ssed
wit
hin
that
def
init
ion:
0-6
, 7-1
1, a
nd 1
2-18
. It
is r
ecog
nize
d th
at s
uch
defi
niti
on a
nd th
e de
velo
pmen
t sta
ges
are
arbi
trar
y; th
at a
per
son
may
be
deve
lopm
enta
lly
a ch
ild
past
the
age
of
18; a
nd th
at a
per
son
who
is u
nder
6 o
r 12
may
be
in a
hig
her
deve
lopm
enta
l sta
ge.
Gri
ef-
Th
e fe
elin
gs a
nd th
ough
ts th
at re
flec
t em
otio
ns in
the
afte
rmat
h of
loss
. F
or th
e pu
rpos
es o
f thi
s pr
otoc
ol, g
rief
wou
ld b
e ca
used
by
viol
ent d
eath
.
Mo
urn
ing
-Th
e b
ehav
iors
and
act
ions
that
an
indi
vidu
al u
ses
to c
ope
wit
h gr
ief.
Gri
evin
g C
hil
d-T
he g
riev
ing
chil
d m
ay b
e a
surv
ivor
of o
r wit
ness
to th
e de
ath
of a
lo
ved
one,
acq
uain
tanc
e, o
r pet
.
Vic
tim
Ass
ista
nce
Pro
gra
m-A
pro
gram
that
pro
vide
s on
e or
mor
e o
f the
fol
low
ing
serv
ic~s
to v
icti
ms
of c
rim
e: c
risi
s in
terv
enti
on, s
uppo
rtiv
e co
unse
ling
and
adv
ocac
y, in
form
atio
n an
d re
ferr
al, a
ssis
tanc
e du
ring
cri
me
inve
stig
atio
n, a
ssis
tanc
e du
ring
any
sta
ge o
f pro
secu
tion
, and
ass
ista
nce
afte
r cas
e di
spos
itio
n. A
pro
gram
may
ser
ve o
ne o
r mor
e ty
pes
of c
rim
e vi
ctim
s su
ch a
s se
xual
ass
ault
96
vict
ims,
vic
tims o
f dom
estic
vio
lenc
e, s
urvi
vors
of h
omic
ide
vict
ims,
chi
ld v
ictim
s, e
lder
ly v
ictim
s or
vict
ims o
f bia
s crim
es.
Vic
tim
Ass
ista
nce
Pro
fess
ion
al-
A p
erso
n w
ho p
rovi
des
any
of t
he s
ervi
ces
liste
d ab
ove
as a
pai
d or
unp
aid
staf
f per
son.
The
per
son
may
be
empl
oyed
by
a vi
ctim
ass
ista
nce
prog
ram
or
be
a te
ache
r or c
ouns
elor
in a
scho
ol, a
law
enf
orce
men
t pro
fess
iona
l, a
law
yer o
r pro
secu
tor,
a ju
dge,
a m
embe
r of t
he c
lerg
y, a
men
tal h
ealth
pro
fess
iona
l, or
any
oth
er in
divi
dual
who
bec
omes
a
care
give
r to
grie
ving
chi
ldre
n.
c. V
icti
m A
ssis
tanc
e P
rofe
ssio
nal'
s R
espo
nsib
ilit
ies
Whe
n w
orki
ng w
ith
grie
ving
chi
ldre
n, th
e vi
ctim
ass
ista
nce
prov
ider
shal
l:
1.
Wor
k w
ith th
e si
gnif
ican
t adu
lts a
nd p
eers
in th
eir l
ives
to c
reat
e a
safe
, com
pass
iona
te,
carin
g en
viro
nmen
t tha
t fos
ters
com
mun
icat
ion
and
ackn
owle
dgm
ent o
f the
gri
ef an
d lo
ss.
2.
Stri
ve to
pro
vide
con
cret
e an
d tim
ely
info
rmat
ion
abou
t the
trau
ma,
the
deat
h, a
nd w
hat
may
hap
pen
to th
e ch
ild o
r aro
und
the
child
in th
e af
term
ath.
3.
Rec
ogni
ze th
at g
rief
and
mou
rnin
g is
a lo
ng-te
rm p
roce
ss a
nd re
quire
s gu
idan
ce
thro
ugho
ut d
evel
opm
enta
l sta
ges.
4.
Util
ize
a ra
nge
of te
chni
ques
and
skill
s in
ord
er to
acc
omm
odat
e di
ffer
ent d
evel
opm
enta
l st
ages
as
wel
l as
to a
ddre
ss d
iffe
rent
lear
ning
cap
aciti
es o
f the
chi
ld.
In o
rder
to a
ccom
pli
sh t
he a
bov
e, a
t the
sce
ne
of a
cri
me,
the
vic
tim
ass
ista
nce
pr
ovid
er sh
all:
I. Ta
lk w
ith a
n ad
ult w
ho h
as a
sign
ifica
nt re
latio
nshi
p w
ith th
e ch
ild, p
rior t
o in
form
ing
the
child
of t
he d
eath
, if p
ossi
ble.
2.
Wor
k w
ith la
w e
nfor
cem
ent t
o fin
d ou
t wha
t inf
orm
atio
n th
e po
lice
may
nee
d fr
om th
e ch
ild.
3.
Est
ablis
h a
safe
pla
ce to
tell
the
child
abo
ut th
e de
ath
or ta
lk w
ith th
e ch
ild in
the
afte
rm
ath
of n
otifi
catio
n.
4.
Mak
e a
prel
imin
ary
asse
ssm
ent o
fthe
chi
ld th
roug
h:
a. Id
entif
Yin
g an
y po
ssib
le p
hysi
cal i
njur
ies o
r rea
ctio
ns th
at m
ight
nee
d m
edic
al
atte
ntio
n.
b.
Iden
tifY
ing
the
nam
es, a
ges,
gen
ders
, add
ress
es, s
choo
ls, o
r gra
des
of c
hild
ren
witn
essi
ng o
r sur
vivi
ng th
e de
ath.
c.
Iden
tifY
ing
the
rela
tions
hip
of t
he d
ecea
sed
to th
e ch
ild.
97
d.
Obt
aini
ng a
s muc
h in
form
atio
n as
pos
sibl
e ab
out t
he n
atur
e of
the
deat
h.
e.
Obt
aini
ng a
s m
uch
info
rmat
ion
as p
ossi
ble
abou
t the
chi
ld a
nd h
is o
r her
pre
viou
s ex
peri
ence
s w
ith d
eath
.
5.
Ens
ure
that
the
child
is w
arm
and
com
fort
able
, and
off
er p
hysi
cal c
omfo
rt, i
fthe
chi
ld
resp
onds
to it
.
6.
Be
calm
and
reas
suri
ng w
hen
telli
ng th
e ch
ild a
bout
the
deat
h or
talk
ing
abou
t his
or h
er
initi
al re
actio
ns.
7.
Con
vey
sym
path
y to
the
child
abo
ut th
e de
ath.
8.
Ask
the
child
ifhe
or s
he h
as a
ny q
uest
ions
abo
ut th
e de
ath.
9.
Be
prep
ared
to a
nsw
er q
uest
ions
hon
estly
, fac
tual
ly a
nd b
riefly
.
10. W
ork
with
sig
nifi
cant
adu
lts to
arr
ange
for a
safe
and
reas
suri
ng p
lace
for t
he c
hild
to
stay
for
the
next
24-
48 h
ours
.
11.
Spen
d tim
e w
ith s
igni
fica
nt a
dults
pre
pari
ng th
em to
wor
k w
ith th
e ch
ild d
urin
g th
e ne
xt
24-4
8 ho
urs.
12.
Arr
ange
for o
r pla
n to
pro
vide
add
ition
al s
uppo
rt fo
r the
chi
ld w
ithin
the
next
24-
48
hour
s.
Ifvi
ctim
ass
ista
nce
prov
ider
s ar
e re
ques
ted
to p
rovi
de d
eath
not
ific
atio
n to
chi
ldr
en, t
hey
shal
l:
1.
Tak
e th
em to
a sa
fe p
lace
to d
o so
. If
a tr
uste
d ad
ult i
s av
aila
ble
to b
e th
ere,
enc
oura
ge
parti
cipa
tion.
a.
Eve
n w
hen
a ch
ild h
as w
itnes
sed
a vi
olen
t dea
th, a
not
ific
atio
n is
nec
essa
ry s
ince
de
ath
is n
ot re
adily
com
preh
ende
d.
b.
A sa
fe p
lace
is o
ne w
hich
is c
omfo
rtab
le, s
ecur
e an
d re
mov
ed fr
om o
ther
maj
or
activ
ity.
Whi
le it
may
be
with
in th
eir o
wn
hom
e, it
sho
uld
not b
e th
eir b
edro
om o
r kitc
hen
beca
use
they
m
ay a
ssoc
iate
the
deat
h an
d th
eir a
ccom
pany
ing
reac
tions
with
thes
e pl
aces
and
that
ass
ocia
tion
may
in
terf
ere
with
sle
epin
g or
eat
ing
habi
ts in
the
afte
rmat
h.
2.
Prov
ide
them
, if a
ge-a
ppro
pria
te, w
ith a
bla
nket
, toy
or s
tuff
ed a
nim
al (a
favo
rite
item
, if
avai
labl
e) to
hol
d on
to w
hile
you
tell
them
wha
t hap
pene
d.
3.
Ifth
ey a
re c
ryin
g or
agi
tate
d, h
old
or so
othe
them
unt
il th
ey c
an c
once
ntra
te o
n w
hat
you
have
to s
ay.
98
•
4.
Sit d
own
with
th
em
-on
the
floor
ifa
ppro
pria
te-a
nd te
ll th
em y
ou h
ave
som
ethi
ng
sad
to ta
lk w
ith th
em a
bout
.
5.
TeJl
them
in s
hort,
fact
ual s
tate
men
ts w
hat h
appe
ned.
"You
r fat
her
was
kil
led
toni
ght.
He
is d
ead.
So
meo
ne s
hot h
im w
ith
a gu
n.
It is
ve
ry s
ad
an
dyo
ur
mot
her i
s ve
ry sa
d. "
If t
he p
erso
n w
ho d
id th
e sh
ootin
g is
alr
eady
iden
tifie
d, n
ame
him
. "M
r. Sm
ith
sho
t him
. "
6.
Ask
them
ifth
ey h
ave
any
ques
tions
, and
list
en c
aref
ully
to th
eir c
once
rns.
It i
s im
por
tant
to tr
y to
find
out
wha
t is
happ
enin
g in
side
thei
r min
ds.
7.
If ch
ildre
n ha
ve w
itnes
sed
the
viol
ent d
eath
, enc
oura
ge th
em to
rela
te a
ll th
e de
tails
they
sa
w s
o yo
u ca
n fin
d ou
t wha
t the
y th
ink
happ
ened
. T
ry to
rec
onci
le th
eir p
erce
ptio
ns w
ith w
hat y
ou
know
hap
pene
d an
d im
med
iate
ly b
egin
to d
ispe
l any
dis
torti
ons
or fe
elin
gs o
f gui
lt or
self-
blam
e.
Vic
tim a
ssis
tanc
e pr
ovid
ers w
orki
ng w
ith c
hild
ren
in th
e af
term
ath
of a
crim
e sh
all:
I. M
ake
an a
sses
smen
t of t
he g
rievi
ng c
hild
ren'
s nee
ds th
roug
h:
a.
Wor
king
with
adu
lts in
thei
r soc
ial s
uppo
rt ne
twor
k to
iden
tifY
info
nnat
ion
on:
(I)
Eac
h ch
ild in
clud
ing:
nam
es, a
ddre
sses
, gen
ders
, age
s, s
choo
ls, g
rade
s, a
nd
resp
onsi
ble
and
sign
ific
ant a
dults
or p
eers
in th
eir l
ives
.
(2)
The
nat
ure
ofth
e de
ath
and
the
rela
tions
hips
of c
hild
ren
to th
e de
ceas
ed.
(3)
The
soc
ial,
econ
omic
, rel
igio
us, a
nd c
ultu
ral b
ackg
roun
d of
the
child
ren'
s fa
mili
es.
(4)
The
chi
ldre
n's
scho
ol h
isto
ries.
(5)
Oth
er c
ritic
al e
vent
s in
the
child
ren'
s liv
es s
uch
as th
e ex
peri
ence
of p
revi
ous
deat
hs, d
ivor
ce, s
erio
us il
lnes
s or
inju
ry, l
oss
of h
ome,
exp
osur
e to
sub
stan
ce a
buse
, or s
igni
fica
nt
scho
ol o
r com
mun
ity c
hang
es.
b.
Wor
king
with
the
child
ren
to s
olic
it in
fonn
atio
n on
:
(I)
The
mea
ning
oft
he d
eath
to th
em.
(2)
The
ir u
nder
stan
ding
of t
he re
latio
nshi
p o
f the
dec
ease
d to
them
.
(3)
The
ir u
nder
stan
ding
of t
he n
atur
e of
the
deat
h.
(4)
Inte
rest
s and
spec
ial a
bilit
ies
that
may
be
help
ful i
n in
volv
ing
the
child
ren
in
mea
ning
ful a
ctiv
ities
. (5)
Sign
ific
ant a
dults
or p
eers
who
may
be
help
ful t
o th
em.
99
(6)
Atti
tude
s to
war
ds th
emse
lves
and
oth
ers
in th
e pa
st a
nd p
rese
nt.
2.
Ens
ure
that
the
child
ren
have
a sa
fe a
nd re
assu
ring
env
iron
men
t with
in w
hich
to c
ontin
ue
thei
r liv
es.
a.
A sa
fe p
hysi
cal e
nvir
onm
ent i
s one
cha
ract
eriz
ed b
y:
(l)
A la
ck o
f vio
lenc
e.
(2)
A la
ck o
f sub
stan
ce a
buse
.
(3)
Ade
quat
e nu
triti
on, o
ppor
tuni
ties
for r
est o
r sle
ep, a
nd a
dequ
ate
phys
ical
ex
erci
se.
b.
A re
assu
ring
env
iron
men
t is o
ne c
hara
cter
ized
by:
(I)
The
pre
senc
e o
f a c
arin
g ad
ult.
(2)
The
opp
ortu
nity
for e
xpre
ssio
ns o
f grie
f.
(3)
The
pre
senc
e o
f adu
lts w
ho a
re a
cqua
inte
d an
d sy
mpa
thet
ic w
ith th
e gr
ievi
ng
proc
esse
s fo
und
in c
hild
ren.
3.
Dev
elop
a lo
ng-t
erm
pla
n fo
r hel
ping
chi
ldre
n co
pe w
ith g
rief.
It sh
ould
incl
ude:
a.
A co
oper
ativ
e pa
rtne
rshi
p be
twee
n ad
ults
in th
e fa
mily
, sch
ool,
relig
ious
inst
itutio
ns,
crim
inal
just
ice
agen
cies
, and
med
ical
inst
itutio
ns.
b.
Part
icip
atio
n in
fune
ral o
r mem
oria
l pla
ns a
nd e
vent
s.
c.
Opp
ortu
nitie
s fo
r dea
th e
duca
tion.
d.
Opp
ortu
nitie
s fo
r the
exp
lora
tion
and
expr
essi
on o
f gri
ef.
e.
Opp
ortu
nitie
s fo
r edu
catio
n on
trau
ma
and
trau
ma
reac
tions
.
f. O
ppor
tuni
ties
for t
he e
xplo
ratio
n an
d ex
pres
sion
oft
raum
a re
actio
ns.
g.
Opp
ortu
nitie
s fo
r the
dev
elop
men
t of p
eer s
uppo
rt.
h.
Min
imiz
atio
n of
enco
unte
rs w
ith th
e cr
imin
al ju
stic
e sy
stem
.
1. Su
ppor
t dur
ing
the
crim
inal
just
ice
proc
ess.
J. M
onito
ring
for h
ealth
and
men
tal h
ealth
cha
nges
in th
e ch
ild.
k.
Lon
g-te
rm a
ttent
ion
to c
hang
es in
chi
ldre
n's
reac
tions
to d
eath
as
they
gro
w o
lder
.
100
D. P
roto
col f
or W
orki
ng w
ith
Chi
ldre
n 0-
6
1. B
ack
grou
nd
Inf
orm
atio
n
a.
Infa
nts
have
a li
mit
ed u
nder
stan
ding
of t
he w
orld
aro
und
them
. T
hey
do
reac
t to
the
loss
of s
tabi
lity
in th
eir e
nvir
onm
ent a
nd th
e ab
senc
e o
f car
egiv
ers
to w
hom
they
hav
e be
com
e at
tach
ed.
The
y al
so re
act t
o tr
aum
atic
eve
nts
to w
hich
they
hav
e be
en p
hysi
call
y ex
pose
d. S
uch
reac
tion
s us
uall
y in
volv
e m
anif
esta
tion
of h
igh
anxi
ety
thro
ugh
cryi
ng, b
iting
, thr
owin
g ob
ject
s, th
umb
suck
ing
and
othe
r ag
itat
ed b
ehav
iors
. S
ome
may
refu
se to
eat
or b
ecom
e un
able
to s
leep
com
fort
ably
. T
he g
reat
est n
eed
of i
nfan
ts is
for
nurt
urin
g, a
tten
tive
, phy
sica
l con
tact
. A
ris
k in
the
afte
rmat
h o
f a tr
aum
atic
dea
th is
that
in
fant
s re
ceiv
e le
ss p
hysi
cal a
tten
tion
and
car
e be
caus
e th
eir p
rim
ary
care
give
rs a
re tr
aum
atiz
ed.
b.
Chi
ldre
n un
der t
he a
ge o
f six
are
in a
n ag
e o
f exp
lora
tion
. M
ost e
xper
ienc
es a
re n
ew.
The
one
s w
hich
are
bes
t und
erst
ood
are
conc
rete
day
-to-
day
situ
atio
ns.
Con
cept
ual t
hink
ing
is n
ot y
et
deve
lope
d so
that
idea
s ab
out t
ime,
spa
ce, l
ife
and
deat
h ar
e on
ly v
ague
ly u
nder
stoo
d. C
hild
ren
deve
lop
idea
s b
y im
itat
ion,
ass
ocia
tion
, and
obs
erva
tion
. T
heir
imag
inat
ions
pro
vide
fert
ile
grou
nd fo
r dr
awin
g co
nclu
sion
s. T
his
resu
lts
in w
hat s
ome
have
term
ed "
mag
ical
thin
king
".
In t
his
age
grou
p th
ere
is le
ss d
enia
l of t
rage
dy th
an w
ith
olde
r chi
ldre
n o
r adu
lts.
Ift
rau
mat
ic d
eath
occ
urs
in c
hild
ren'
s li
ves,
it b
ecom
es a
par
t of t
heir
dev
elop
ing
sens
e o
f reali
ty-a
sta
nda
rd f
or m
easu
ring
futu
re e
xper
ienc
es.
Dea
th is
usu
ally
vie
wed
as
reve
rsib
le, i
mpe
rman
ent,
and
an
exte
nsio
n of
life
. T
he a
bsen
ce o
f som
eone
who
is lo
ved
is g
riev
ed b
ut u
sual
ly in
sho
rt, c
once
ntra
ted
peri
ods
punc
tuat
ed b
y o
ther
inte
rest
s an
d ac
tivi
ties
. If
deat
h an
d lo
ss a
re n
ot e
xpla
ined
or r
espo
nded
to
, chi
ldre
n de
velo
p th
eir o
wn
expl
anat
ions
that
are
oft
en a
com
bina
tion
of m
agic
al th
inki
ng a
nd th
eir
obse
rvat
ions
. Des
pite
thes
e co
gnit
ive
diff
eren
ces
betw
een
a yo
ung
chil
d an
d ol
der c
hild
ren
and
adul
ts, t
he
com
mon
pat
tern
of r
eact
ions
to tr
aum
a an
d lo
ss a
re s
imil
ar: a
nger
, fea
r, c
onfu
sion
, sel
f-bl
ame,
sha
me,
an
d gr
ief.
2. V
icti
m A
ssis
tanc
e P
rofe
ssio
nals
Res
pons
ibil
itie
s
a.
Wor
k w
ith
supp
orti
ve a
dult
s to
pro
vide
them
wit
h ed
ucat
ion
and
unde
rsta
ndin
g co
nce
rnin
g th
e ch
ildr
en's
nee
ds.
b.
Com
mun
icat
e w
ith
chil
dren
thro
ugh
age-
appr
opri
ate
exp
ress
ion
-pla
y, a
rt, d
ram
a,
wor
ds, a
nd s
o fo
rth.
c.
At t
he s
cene
of a
vio
lent
dea
th:
(I)
Ens
ure
that
any
infa
nts
invo
lved
are
kep
t war
m, p
icke
d up
, hel
d an
d co
mfo
rted
. E
nsur
e th
at re
!:,ru
lar r
outi
nes
for
infa
nts
such
as
feed
ing,
bat
hing
, and
sle
ep a
re m
aint
aine
d to
the
exte
nt
poss
ible
.
(2)
Hel
p ch
ildr
en b
e re
conn
ecte
d w
ith
supp
orti
ve, c
arin
g ad
ults
as
soon
as
poss
ible
. E
ncou
rage
phy
sica
l, lo
ving
con
tact
.
101
(30
Ifre
ques
ted
or n
eces
sary
, pro
vide
a d
eath
not
ific
atio
n to
chi
ldre
n.
(4)
Exp
lain
wha
t will
hap
pen
nex
t-w
ho
will
take
car
e of
them
ove
r the
nex
t few
da
ys, i
f cha
nges
will
occ
ur in
thei
r im
med
iate
live
s (d
isru
ptio
n of
vaca
tion,
abs
ence
s fr
om d
ay c
are
or
pre-
scho
ol, t
rave
l to
a fr
iend
or r
elat
ive'
s ho
me
for s
ever
al d
ays)
.
(5)
Ens
ure
thei
r saf
ety
and
care
and
reas
sure
them
of i
t.
d.
In th
e af
term
ath
of v
iole
nt d
eath
:
(I)
Ens
ure
that
chi
ldre
n ha
ve a
safe
and
a se
cure
env
ironm
ent.
(2)
Tal
k to
chi
ldre
n ab
out t
he d
eath
and
thei
r und
erst
andi
ng o
f it.
• A
sk th
em to
tell
you
wha
t hap
pene
d.
• R
econ
cile
any
dif
fere
nces
bet
wee
n th
eir s
tory
and
wha
t you
kno
w h
appe
ned.
• L
et c
hild
ren
know
that
sho
win
g em
otio
n is
oka
y.
• E
ncou
rage
and
be
prep
ared
for q
uest
ions
abo
ut d
eath
.
• A
sk th
em to
tell
you
wha
t the
y th
ink
is h
appe
ning
to th
e de
ceas
ed a
fter
dea
th.
• B
e pr
epar
ed to
dis
tingu
ish
betw
een
"mag
ical
thin
king
" an
d ot
her b
elie
fs.
(3)
Be
prep
ared
to e
xpla
in d
isru
ptio
ns in
rout
ine.
(4)
Exp
lain
wha
t will
hap
pen
at fu
nera
ls, i
nves
tigat
ions
, and
in th
e cr
imin
al ju
stic
e sy
stem
.
(5)
Prov
ide
com
fort
whe
n ch
ildre
n se
em s
ad a
nd d
epre
ssed
.
(6)
Hel
p ch
ildre
n th
ink
abou
t the
futu
re a
nd d
evel
op p
ositi
ve th
ough
ts o
f a n
ew a
nd
diff
eren
t life
.
(7)
Rea
ssur
e ch
ildre
n th
at th
eir l
oved
one
will
not
be
forg
otte
n an
d th
at th
ey c
an a
nd
shou
ld re
mem
ber t
hem
.
3. V
icti
m A
ssis
tanc
e P
rofe
ssio
nal'
s Sk
ills
a.
Ass
essm
ent o
f chi
ldre
n's v
ulne
rabi
litie
s.
b.
Kno
wle
dge
of a
nd a
bilit
y to
hel
p ch
ildre
n ac
cess
di f
fere
nt s
ervi
ces
and
reso
urce
s.
c.
Abi
lity
to ta
lk a
nd c
omm
unic
ate
wi t
h ch
ildre
n.
102
•
d.
Und
erst
andi
ng o
f chi
ldre
n's d
evel
opm
enta
l sta
ges.
e.
U
nder
stan
ding
of c
hild
ren'
s re
actio
n to
trau
ma.
f. K
now
ledg
e an
d sk
ill to
use
chi
ld-o
rien
ted
tech
niqu
es to
resp
ond
to tr
aum
a an
d be
-re
avem
ent.
g.
Abi
lity
to c
omm
unic
ate
effe
ctiv
ely
with
sup
porti
ve a
dults
in o
rder
to p
rovi
de a
dequ
ate
educ
atio
n on
chi
ld b
erea
vem
ent.
103
•
E. P
roto
col f
or W
orki
ng w
ith
Chi
ldre
n 7-
11
1. B
ackg
roun
d In
form
atio
n
a.
Scho
ol-a
ge c
hild
ren
expa
nd th
eir h
oriz
ons
to in
clud
e di
ffer
ent s
patia
l env
iron
men
ts.
The
y ac
com
mod
ate
soci
al d
efin
ition
s oft
ime,
incr
ease
soci
al r
elat
ions
hips
, and
beg
in to
sol
idifY
con
cep
tual
idea
s. T
hey
deve
lop
idea
s by
imita
tion,
ass
ocia
tion,
and
obs
erva
tion,
but
they
exa
min
e su
ch id
eas
in th
e co
ntex
t of t
heir
ow
n pa
st e
xper
ienc
es a
s w
ell.
Mem
orie
s ha
ve in
crea
sing
mea
ning
for i
nter
pret
ing
the
pres
ent,
but t
his
incr
ease
d ca
paci
ty fo
r und
erst
andi
ng o
ften
cre
ates
con
fusi
on.
It is
not
unu
sual
for
a
child
of t
his
age
to c
onfu
se w
ords
and
thei
r mea
ning
s.
b.
As
they
gro
w m
ore
inde
pend
ent,
child
ren
in th
is a
ge ra
nge
lear
n to
use
thei
r re
sour
ces
to a
naly
ze p
robl
ems
or si
tuat
ions
and
mak
e ch
oice
s in
how
to re
spon
d. I
f thi
s de
velo
pmen
t oc
curs
in a
stab
le e
nvir
onm
ent,
child
ren
lear
n to
trus
t the
ir re
actio
ns a
nd ju
dgm
ent a
s w
ell a
s th
e re
sp
onse
s of t
hose
aro
und
them
. V
iole
nce
or su
dden
dea
th d
isru
pts
that
sta
bilit
y an
d ch
ildre
n of
ten
beco
me
tent
ativ
e, r
adic
ally
cha
nge
beha
vior
s an
d w
ithdr
aw fr
om r
elat
ions
hips
. T
he c
once
pt o
f dea
th a
t th
is a
ge is
oft
en p
erso
nifi
ed.
A d
esir
e to
str
ike
out a
t a "
kille
r" is
oft
en a
des
ire
to o
verc
ome
deat
h its
elf.
c.
Pre-
adol
esce
nts
are
pron
e to
ext
rem
e re
actio
ns p
hysi
cally
and
em
otio
nally
. Su
ch
reac
tions
are
oft
en c
onfl
ictin
g an
d co
nfus
ing.
The
y m
ay e
xhib
it su
dden
moo
d sw
ings
or f
eel b
oth
exhi
lara
ted
and
depr
esse
d by
a tr
aged
y.
The
y ar
e se
lf-o
rien
ted
but t
end
to s
uffe
r low
sel
f-es
teem
as
a re
sult
of t
he p
hysi
cal c
hang
es o
f pub
erty
. T
his,
aug
men
ted
by e
goce
ntri
sm, m
ay re
sult
in s
elf-
criti
cism
. Pr
e-ad
oles
cent
s ten
d to
hav
e an
acu
te s
ense
of m
oral
ity.
Cer
emon
y an
d ri
tual
is v
ery
impo
rtan
t in
man
ifes
ting
this
sen
se o
f rig
ht a
nd w
rong
. R
elat
ions
hips
bec
ome
cent
ral t
o th
eir e
xist
ence
, so
ques
tions
ab
out d
eath
may
shif
t fro
m w
hat d
eath
is to
how
they
will
sur
vive
with
out t
heir
love
d on
e.
2. V
icti
m A
ssis
tanc
e P
rofe
ssio
nal'
s R
espo
nsib
ilit
ies
a.
Wor
k w
ith s
uppo
rtiv
e ad
ults
to p
rovi
de th
em w
ith e
duca
tion
and
unde
rsta
ndin
g co
ncer
ning
the
child
ren'
s nee
ds.
b.
Com
mun
icat
e w
ith c
hild
ren
thro
ugh
age-
appr
opri
ate
expr
essi
on-p
lay,
art,
dram
a,
wor
ds, a
nd s
o fo
rth.
c.
At t
he s
cene
of a
vio
lent
dea
th:
(I)
Hel
p ch
ildre
n be
reco
nnec
ted
with
sup
port
ive,
car
ing
adul
ts a
s so
on a
s po
ssib
le,
but a
llow
them
to r
emai
n in
con
tact
with
thei
r pee
r gro
ups,
if t
hey
are
pres
ent.
Enc
oura
ge p
hysi
cal,
lovi
ng c
onta
ct.
(2)
Ifre
ques
ted
or n
eces
sary
to p
rovi
de a
dea
th n
otif
icat
ion
to c
hild
ren,
take
them
to
a s
afe
plac
e to
do
so.
If a
trus
ted
adul
t is
avai
labl
e to
be
ther
e, e
ncou
rage
par
ticip
atio
n.
(3)
Ask
them
to te
ll yo
u w
hat h
app
ened
-wh
at d
o th
ey re
mem
ber?
105
(4)
Exp
lain
wha
t will
hap
pen
nex
t-w
ho
will
take
car
e o
f the
m o
ver t
he n
ext f
ew
days
, if c
hang
es w
ill o
ccur
in th
eir i
mm
edia
te li
ves
(dis
rupt
ion
of va
catio
n, a
bsen
ces
from
day
car
e or
pr
e-sc
hool
, tra
vel t
o a
frie
nd o
r rel
ativ
e's
hom
e fo
r sev
eral
day
s), o
r wha
t will
be
expe
cted
oft
hem
. D
escr
ibe
in d
etai
l wha
t the
nex
t 24-
48 h
ours
will
hol
d fo
r the
m.
(5)
Ens
ure
thei
r saf
ety
and
care
and
reas
sure
them
of i
t.
d.
In th
e af
term
ath
of v
iole
nt d
eath
:
(1)
Ens
ure
that
chi
ldre
n ha
ve a
safe
and
a se
cure
env
iron
men
t.
(2)
Tal
k to
chi
ldre
n ab
out t
he d
eath
and
thei
r und
erst
andi
ng o
f it.
• A
sk th
em to
tell
you
wha
t hap
pene
d. B
e al
ert f
or a
ny c
onfu
sing
con
cept
s or
wor
ds u
sed
in th
e de
scri
ptio
n.
• H
elp
them
cla
rify
thei
r sto
ries
and
reco
ncile
any
dif
fere
nces
bet
wee
n w
hat
they
say
and
wha
t you
kno
w h
appe
ned.
• L
et c
hild
ren
know
that
sho
win
g em
otio
n is
oka
y.
• E
ncou
rage
and
be
prep
ared
for q
uest
ions
abo
ut d
eath
.
• A
sk th
em to
tell
you
wha
t the
y th
ink
is h
appe
ning
to th
e de
ceas
ed a
fter
de
ath.
• A
sk th
em to
des
crib
e an
y pr
oble
ms t
hat t
hey
mig
ht b
e ha
ving
sin
ce th
e de
ath.
• A
sk th
em to
des
crib
e w
hat t
he n
ext m
onth
, the
tim
e be
fore
an
upco
min
g ho
liday
, or t
he n
ext f
ew m
onth
s w
ill b
e lik
e w
ithou
t the
per
son
who
die
d.
• B
e pr
epar
ed to
dis
tingu
ish
fact
from
fant
asy
and
addr
ess j
udgm
enta
l sel
f-re
flect
ion.
(3)
Arr
ange
for p
eer g
roup
dis
cuss
ions
with
oth
ers
who
hav
e su
rviv
ed a
vio
lent
de
ath.
(4)
Be
prep
ared
to e
xpla
in d
isru
ptio
ns in
rout
ine.
(5)
Exp
lain
wha
t will
hap
pen
at fu
nera
ls, i
nves
tigat
ions
, and
in th
e cr
imin
al ju
stic
e sy
stem
.
(6)
Prov
ide
com
fort
whe
n ch
ildre
n se
em s
ad a
nd d
epre
ssed
.
(7)
Hel
p ch
ildre
n th
ink
abou
t the
futu
re a
nd d
evel
op p
ositi
ve th
ough
ts o
fa n
ew a
nd
diff
eren
t life
.
106
(8)
Rea
ssur
e ch
ildre
n th
at th
eir l
oved
one
will
not
be
forg
otte
n an
d th
at th
ey c
an
and
shou
ld re
mem
ber t
hem
.
3. V
icti
m A
ssis
tanc
e P
rofe
ssio
nal'
s Sk
ills
a.
Ass
essm
ent o
f chi
ldre
n's v
ulne
rabi
litie
s.
b.
Kno
wle
dge
of a
nd a
bilit
y to
hel
p ch
ildre
n ac
cess
dif
fere
nt s
ervi
ces a
nd re
sour
ces.
c.
Abi
lity
to ta
lk a
nd c
omm
unic
ate
with
chi
ldre
n.
d.
Und
erst
andi
ng o
f chi
ldre
n's d
evel
opm
enta
l sta
ges.
e.
Und
erst
andi
ng o
f chi
ldre
n's r
eact
ion
to tr
aum
a.
f. K
now
ledg
e an
d sk
ill to
use
chi
ld-o
rien
ted
tech
niqu
es to
resp
ond
to tr
aum
a an
d be
reav
emen
t.
g.
Abi
lity
to c
omm
unic
ate
effe
ctiv
ely
with
sup
port
ive
adul
ts in
ord
er to
pro
vide
ad
equa
te e
duca
tion
on c
hild
ber
eave
men
t.
107
F. P
roto
col
for
Wor
king
wit
h C
hild
ren
12-1
8
1. B
ack
grou
nd
Inf
orm
atio
n
a.
Ado
lesc
ents
resp
ond
to th
e w
orld
and
to tr
aum
a in
way
s th
at a
re s
imila
r to
adul
ts;
how
ever
, the
y sh
ould
stil
l be
trea
ted
with
the
kind
of c
are
that
is p
rovi
ded
to y
oung
er c
hild
ren.
b.
For a
dole
scen
ts, t
he w
orld
is c
onst
antly
fluc
tuat
ing.
The
y sh
ift b
ack
and
forth
fro
m
bein
g de
pend
ent a
nd c
hild
like
to b
eing
inde
pend
ent a
nd a
ctin
g as
adu
lts.
As
they
sha
pe th
eir w
orld
s,
they
que
stio
n, c
ritic
ize
and
seek
info
rmat
ion.
The
y un
ders
tand
the
perm
anen
cy o
f dea
th, t
he fa
ct th
at it
is
uni
vers
al, a
nd th
at it
see
ms t
o oc
cur r
ando
mly
. I f
they
hav
e pr
evio
usly
exp
erie
nced
vio
lent
dea
th, t
hey
may
als
o vi
ew d
eath
as
inev
itabl
e an
d as
par
t of t
heir
imm
edia
te fu
ture
. D
eath
, for
som
e, m
ay e
ven
be
rom
antic
ized
as
an a
ltern
ativ
e to
thei
r pai
n in
life
. T
hey
expe
rim
ent w
ith v
alue
s and
beh
avio
rs to
try
to
deve
lop
thei
r ow
n se
nse
of a
n in
depe
nden
t life
sty
le.
The
ir p
rim
ary
rela
tions
hips
are
with
thei
r pee
rs.
The
adu
lt w
orld
may
see
m fo
reig
n an
d ad
ults
may
be
perc
eive
d as
unt
rust
wor
thy.
2. V
icti
m A
ssis
tanc
e P
rofe
ssio
nal'
s R
espo
nsib
ilit
ies
a.
Wor
k w
ith s
uppo
rtiv
e ad
ults
to p
rovi
de th
em w
ith e
duca
tion
and
unde
rsta
ndin
g co
ncer
ning
the
adol
esce
nts'
need
s.
b.
Com
mun
icat
e w
ith a
dole
scen
ts in
adu
lt la
ngua
ge b
ut u
se d
ram
a, a
rt, a
nd p
hysi
cal
activ
ity to
stim
ulat
e th
eir t
houg
hts
and
help
them
to e
xpre
ss th
eir f
eelin
gs.
c.
At t
he s
cene
of a
vio
lent
dea
th:
(1)
Hel
p ad
oles
cent
s re
conn
ect w
ith p
eopl
e th
ey tm
st a
nd fe
el s
afe
with
.
(2)
If re
ques
ted
or n
eces
sary
, pro
vide
a d
eath
not
i fic
atio
n to
ado
lesc
ents
.
(3)
Ask
them
to te
ll yo
u w
hat h
app
ened
-wh
at d
o th
ey re
mem
ber?
(4)
Exp
lain
wha
t will
hap
pen
next
. E
xpla
in w
hy ro
utin
es m
ay v
ary
and
why
thin
gs
will
hap
pen.
(5)
Ens
ure
thei
r saf
ety
and
care
. R
eass
ure
them
that
som
eone
car
es a
bout
them
an
d th
eir l
ives
.
d.
In th
e af
term
ath
of v
iole
nt d
eath
:
(1)
Ens
ure
that
ado
lesc
ents
are
livi
ng in
an
envi
ronm
ent i
n w
hich
they
can
sle
ep, e
at
and
func
tion
com
forta
bly.
(2)
Ask
ado
lesc
ents
abo
ut th
e de
ath
and
how
it a
ffec
ts th
eir l
ives
.
109
• A
sk th
em to
tell
you
wha
t hap
pene
d. B
e al
ert f
or a
ny c
onfu
sing
con
cept
s or
wor
ds u
sed
in th
e de
scri
ptio
n.
• H
elp
them
cla
rifY
thei
r sto
ries a
nd re
conc
ile a
ny d
iffe
renc
es b
etw
een
wha
t th
ey s
ay a
nd w
hat y
ou k
now
hap
pene
d.
• L
et a
dole
scen
ts k
now
that
reac
tions
suc
h as
ang
er, f
ear,
frus
trat
ion,
sel
fbl
ame,
sha
me,
and
gri
ef ar
e co
mm
on a
nd u
nder
stan
dabl
e.
• E
ncou
rage
and
be
prep
ared
for q
uest
ions
abo
ut d
eath
.
• A
sk th
em to
tell
you
wha
t the
y th
ink
will
hap
pen
to th
em in
thei
r fut
ure.
• A
sk th
em to
des
crib
e an
y pr
oble
ms
that
they
mig
ht b
e ha
ving
sin
ce th
e de
ath.
• A
sk th
em to
des
crib
e w
hat t
he n
ext m
onth
, the
tim
e be
fore
an
upco
min
g ho
liday
, or t
he n
ext f
ew m
onth
s w
ill b
e lik
e w
ithou
t the
per
son
who
die
d.
• B
e pr
epar
ed to
cop
e w
ith e
xpre
ssio
ns o
f ang
er a
nd f
rust
ratio
n di
rect
ed a
t yo
u, in
stitu
tiona
l aut
horit
ies,
or o
ther
s.
(3)
Arr
ange
for p
eer g
roup
dis
cuss
ions
with
oth
ers
who
hav
e su
rviv
ed a
vio
lent
de
ath.
(4)
Exp
lain
wha
t will
hap
pen
and
why
at f
uner
als,
inve
stig
atio
ns, a
nd in
the
crim
inal
ju
stic
e sy
stem
.
(5)
Prov
ide
com
fort
ifth
ey a
re s
ad o
r dep
ress
ed.
(6)
Prov
ide
them
with
tool
s to
deal
with
intru
sive
thou
ghts
and
ove
rwhe
lmin
g em
otio
ns.
(7)
Wor
k w
ith o
ther
adu
lts to
dev
elop
pro
gram
s o
f act
iviti
es th
at d
iver
t ado
lesc
ent
ener
gies
into
con
stru
ctiv
e be
havi
ors a
nd a
llow
for t
he e
xpre
ssio
n o
f grie
f.
(8)
Hel
p ad
oles
cent
s th
ink
abou
t the
futu
re a
nd d
evel
op p
ositi
ve th
ough
ts o
f a n
ew
and
diff
eren
t life
.
(9)
Rea
ssur
e ad
oles
cent
s th
at th
eir l
oved
one
will
not
be
forg
otte
n an
d th
at th
ey c
an
and
shou
ld re
mem
ber t
hem
.
3. V
icti
m A
ssis
tanc
e P
rofe
ssio
nal'
s Sk
ills
a.
Ass
essm
ent o
f ado
lesc
ents
, vul
nera
bilit
ies.
110
b.
Kno
wle
dge
of a
nd a
bili
ty to
hel
p ad
oles
cent
s ac
cess
dif
fere
nt s
ervi
ces
and
re-
sour
ces.
c.
Abi
lity
to ta
lk a
nd c
omm
unic
ate
wit
h ad
oles
cent
s.
d.
Und
erst
andi
ng o
f ado
lesc
ent d
evel
opm
enta
l iss
ues.
e.
Und
erst
andi
ng o
f ado
lesc
ent r
eact
ions
to tr
aum
a.
F.
Kno
wle
dge
and
skil
l to
use
adol
esce
nt-o
rien
ted
tech
niqu
es to
res
pond
to tr
aum
a an
d be
reav
emen
t.
g.
Abi
lity
to c
omm
unic
ate
effe
ctiv
ely
wit
h su
ppor
tive
adu
lts
in o
rder
to p
rovi
de a
deq
uate
edu
cati
on o
n ad
oles
cent
ber
eave
men
t.
111
Ap
pen
dix
I -
Tra
uma
and
Gri
ef
Tra
uma
Sho
ck,
disb
elie
f, d
enia
l
Ang
er
Fea
r C
onfu
sion
S
ham
e G
uilt
Gri
ef
113
Gri
ef
Sho
ck,
deni
al
Pro
test
A
nger
G
uilt
B
arga
inin
g
Des
pair
D
etac
hmen
t R
esol
utio
n
Ap
pen
dix
II,
Dir
ge W
ith
out
Mus
ic,
by
Ed
na
St. V
ince
nt M
illa
y
Dir
ge W
ithou
t Mus
ic
I am
not
res
igne
d to
the
shu
ttin
g aw
ay o
f lov
ing
hear
ts in
the
har
d gr
ound
. So
it i
s, a
nd
so
it w
ill b
e, f
or
so i
t has
bee
n, t
ime
out o
f min
d:
Into
the
dar
knes
s th
ey g
o, t
he w
ise
and
the
love
(y.
Cro
wne
d W
ith l
ilie
s a
nd
with
lau
rel t
hey
go;
but I
am
not
res
igne
d.
Lov
ers
an
d th
inke
rs,
into
the
ear
th w
ith
you.
B
e on
e w
ith t
he d
ull,
the
indi
scri
min
ate
dust
. A
frag
men
t o
f wha
t you
felt
, o
f wha
t you
kne
w,
Afo
rmul
a, a
phr
ase
rem
ains
, -
but t
he b
est i
s lo
st.
The
answ
ers
quic
k &
kee
n, t
he h
ones
t loo
k, t
he l
augh
ter.
the
lov
e,
The
y ar
e go
ne.
The
y ha
ve g
one
tofe
ed th
e ro
ses.
E
lega
nt a
nd
cur
led
b th
e bl
osso
m.
Fra
gran
t is
the
blo
ssom
. I
know
. B
ut I
do
not a
ppro
ve.
Mor
e pr
ecio
us w
as t
he l
ight
in y
our
eyes
tha
n al
l the
ros
es in
the
wor
ld.
Dow
n, d
own,
dow
n in
to t
he d
arkn
ess
C?l
the
grav
e G
entl
y th
ey g
o, t
he b
eaut
(lul
, th
e te
nder
. th
e ki
nd;
Qui
etly
they
go,
the
int
elli
gent
, th
e w
itty,
the
bra
ve.
I kn
ow.
But
I d
o no
t app
rove
. A
nd
I am
not
res
igne
d.
-E
dna
St.
Vin
cent
Mil
lay
115
App
endi
x II
I. W
orks
heet
F
ears
Ab
out
Dea
th
Fea
rs a
bou
t Dea
th
The
follo
win
g fe
ars
of d
eath
are
pla
ced
in o
rder
of/
owes
t pri
ority
to h
ighe
st p
rior
ity in
thei
r em
otio
nal c
onte
nt fo
r mos
t peo
ple.
Und
er e
ach
head
ing,
writ
e a
sent
ence
or t
wo
expr
essi
ng
your
reac
tion
or th
ough
ts a
bout
suc
h a
fear
. A
dd o
ther
fear
s if
you
can
thin
k o
f the
m.
1.
Pra
ctic
al F
ears
• Fe
ar fo
r wha
t may
hap
pen
to th
e pe
rson
who
has
die
d
• Fe
ar o
f cha
nges
in ro
les
or e
xpec
tatio
ns
• Fe
ar o
flos
s o
f fam
ily a
nd f
riend
s
• Fea
r of d
ying
pro
cess
2.
Fea
rs o
f Unk
now
n
• Fe
ar o
f God
or s
piri
ts
• Fea
r of j
udgm
ent a
nd fi
nalit
y
• Fea
r of b
eing
alo
ne
3. F
ears
of L
oss
of C
onne
ctio
n w
ith L
ife
• Fe
ar o
flos
s or
des
truc
tion
of b
ody
• F
earo
ffor
gett
ing
or b
eing
forg
otte
n
4. O
ther
Fea
rs?
117
App
endi
x IV
. W
orks
heet
F
ear
Act
ion
Pla
n T
hree
Fea
rs I
Hav
e S
ince
My
Lov
ed O
ne
Die
d:
1.
2.
3.
Thi
ngs
I C
an D
o To
Be
Les
s A
frai
d:
Fea
r#l:
W
hat
I C
an D
o:
Fea
r #2
: W
hat
I C
an D
o:
Fea
r #3
: W
hat
I C
an D
o:
Wha
t W
e C
an D
o To
Mak
e O
ur
Liv
es S
afer
?
1. G
oal:
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
_ _
Act
ion
Ste
ps
to A
ccom
pli
sh G
oal:
a.
__
__
__
__
__
_ b.
__
__
__
__
__
_ c.
__
__
__
__
__
_ d.
__
__
__
__
__
_ e.
__
__
__
__
__
_ 2.
Goa
l: _
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
_
Act
ion
Ste
ps
to A
ccom
pli
sh G
oal:
a.
__
__
__
__
__
_ b.
__
__
__
__
__
_ c.
__
__
__
~ _
__
_ d.
__
__
__
__
__
_ e.
__
__
__
__
__
_ 3.
Goa
l: _
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
_
Act
ion
Ste
ps
to A
ccom
pli
sh G
oal:
a.
__
__
__
__
__
_ b.
__
__
__
__
__
_ _
c. _
__
__
__
__
_ _
d. _
__
__
__
__
__
_ e.
__
__
__
__
__
_ _
119
App
endi
x V
. E
xcer
pt
An
ger:
The
Mis
un
ders
tood
Em
otio
n
by C
arol
Tav
ris
Sim
on a
nd S
chus
ter,
New
Yor
k, 1
982
The
follo
win
g ex
cerp
t, fr
om th
e be
ginn
ing
of C
hapt
er 3
of D
r. T
arvi
s's b
ook,
is in
clud
ed fo
r edu
ca
tiona
l pur
pose
s on
ly, a
s an
exa
mpl
e of
the
kind
s o
f mat
eria
ls th
at c
an b
e us
ed to
dis
cuss
this
topi
c.
Add
ition
al c
opie
s m
ay b
e re
prin
ted
only
for e
duca
tiona
l use
and
are
not
to b
e du
plic
ated
for p
rofi
t.
121
3. T
he
An
atom
y o
f An
ger
"0,
prep
oste
rous
and
fran
tic
outr
age,
end
thy
dam
ned
sple
en!"
-R
ICH
AR
D II
I, II
, iv
Whe
n yo
u ge
t ang
ry, w
hat h
appe
ns to
you
r bod
y? H
ow d
o yo
u fe
el?
Try
to
reca
ll a
rece
nt in
cide
nt
of a
nger
and
com
pare
you
r rea
ctio
ns to
the
follo
win
g lis
t of s
ympt
oms:
--ch
ange
s of m
uscl
e te
nsio
n --
;sco
wlin
g -g
rin
din
g o
f tee
th
-gla
ring
--
clen
chin
g yo
ur fi
sts
--ch
ange
s of a
rn1S
and
pos
ition
of b
ody
-flu
shin
g (g
ettin
g re
d in
face
or b
ody)
-p
alin
g (l
osin
g co
lor)
--
goos
e bu
mps
--
chil
ls an
d sh
udde
rs
-pri
ckly
sens
atio
ns
--nu
mbn
ess
--ch
okin
g -t
wit
chin
g --
swea
ting
--
losi
ng se
lf-co
ntro
l -f
eeli
ng
hot
-f
eeli
ng
cold
The
se a
re a
few
of t
he it
ems
from
the
first
mod
em, s
cien
tific
eff
ort t
o st
udy
ange
r. In
189
4, p
sy
chol
ogis
t G. S
tanl
ey H
all c
olle
cted
218
4 qu
estio
nnai
res
from
peo
ple
who
ans
wer
ed h
is c
ompl
icat
ed
quer
ies
in re
veal
ing
deta
il, a
nd H
all c
erta
inly
wan
ted
deta
il. H
e as
ked
peop
le to
pro
vide
exa
mpl
es o
f th
eir a
ngri
est e
piso
des-
--w
hat p
rovo
ked
them
, wha
t the
y di
d, h
ow th
ey te
lt la
ter,
any
phys
ical
and
m
enta
l cha
nges
. By
toda
y's
stan
dard
s, H
all's
surv
ey w
as to
o de
man
ding
, uns
yste
mat
ic, a
nd im
prec
ise.
It
was
als
o lo
ts o
ffun
, and
its
findi
ngs
entir
ely
cont
empo
rary
. O
ne o
f Hal
l's m
ost c
urio
us re
sults
was
the p
hysi
cal v
aria
tion
in p
eopl
e's
expe
rien
ces
of an
ger.
Som
e sa
id th
at a
nger
mad
e th
em fe
el g
ood,
and
oth
ers
that
it m
ade
them
feel
sic
k. "
I hav
e fo
und
it a
not
alto
geth
er u
nple
asan
t sen
satio
n to
be
in a
gre
at ra
ge,"
wro
te o
ne in
form
ant;
"It w
akes
me
up a
nd m
akes
m
e fe
el v
ery
muc
h al
ive.
" B
ut a
noth
er sa
id, "
I am
ofte
n fr
ight
ened
that
I ca
n ge
t so
angr
y, a
nd o
ften
hav
e a
nerv
ous
head
ache
late
r." A
nd s
ome
repo
rted
they
had
bot
h re
actio
ns, d
epen
ding
on
circ
umst
ance
:
Whe
n an
gry
I fee
l all
of a
sudd
en b
urni
ng h
ot, s
tifle
d an
d co
mpe
lled
to m
ake
a no
ise.
So
met
imes
1 gr
ow ic
y co
ld a
nd fe
el a
s if
! w
as a
ll bl
ancm
ange
insi
de. T
his
feel
ing
is w
orse
th
an th
e he
at, f
or 1
seem
to b
e a
ston
e.
Hal
l's re
spon
dent
s to
ld h
im th
at a
nger
pro
duce
d "c
ardi
ac s
ensa
tions
, hea
dach
es, n
oseb
leed
, mot
tli
ng o
f fac
e, d
izzi
ness
," te
ars,
sna
rls, o
r "a
com
plet
e in
abili
ty to
voc
aliz
e."
Thi
s ar
ray
of p
hysi
cal r
eact
ions
to a
nger
was
mat
ched
by
the
arra
y o
f cau
ses
of a
nger
. One
cat
egor
y o
f pro
voca
tion
was
wha
t we
mig
ht c
all t
he S
tupi
d In
anim
ate
Obj
ect,
the
idio
t thi
ng th
at p
rodu
ces
123
imm
edia
te (u
sual
Iy b
rief
) fur
y. "
Our
retu
rns
abou
nd,"
wro
te H
alI c
alm
ly, "
in c
ases
of p
ens a
ngri
ly b
roke
n be
caus
e th
ey w
ould
not
wri
te, b
rush
es a
nd p
enci
ls th
row
n th
at d
id n
ot w
ork
we 1
1 , b
utto
nhol
es a
nd
clot
hes
tom
, mir
rors
sm
ashe
d, s
late
s br
oken
, pap
er c
rush
ed, t
oys
dest
roye
d, k
nive
s, s
hoes
, boo
ks
thro
wn
or in
jure
d, e
tc. "
Whe
n in
anim
ate
obje
cts
don'
t beh
ave
as th
ey "
ough
t,"
said
Hal
l-T
her
e is
th
at m
oral
izin
g ou
ght a
gain
--w
e la
pse
mom
enta
rily
into
the
child
's c
onfu
sion
bet
wee
n ob
ject
s tha
t are
al
ive
and
thos
e th
at a
re n
ot, a
nd a
ct a
s if
the
offe
ndin
g br
ick,
pen
, or t
ool w
ere
capa
ble
offe
elin
g ou
r re
sent
men
t. B
y so
doi
ng, n
atur
ally
, we
com
poun
d th
e injury~s w
hen
you
kick
the
vend
ing
mac
hine
th
at h
as s
wal
low
ed y
our q
uart
er, t
here
by b
reak
ing
your
toe.
You
are
not
alo
ne.
But
ano
ther
cat
egor
y o
f ang
er w
as m
ore
cere
bral
, and
con
sist
ed o
f the
idi
osyn
cras
ies,
the
"spe
cial
av
ersi
ons"
that
irri
tate
us.
The
se a
re th
e ha
bits
and
aff
ecta
tions
that
som
e pe
ople
hav
e, n
o m
atte
r how
ni
ce o
r kin
d th
ey a
re o
ther
wis
e, y
ou w
ant t
o th
rottl
e th
em fo
r. O
ne h
undr
ed a
nd th
irty
wom
en s
pont
ane
ousl
y to
ld H
alI
that
ear
ring
s on
men
wer
e ab
horr
ent t
o th
em. (
I w
as s
urpr
ised
that
eno
ugh
men
wer
e w
eari
ng e
arri
ngs
in 1
894
for
this
to b
e o
f suc
h co
ncer
n.)
Men
and
wom
en a
like
repo
rted
irri
tatio
n at
"t
hum
b ri
ngs,
ban
gs, f
rizz
es, s
hort
hai
r in
wom
en, h
at o
n on
e si
de, b
aldn
ess,
too
muc
h st
yle
or je
wel
ry,
sing
le e
ye g
lass
, fla
shy
ties,
hea
vy w
atch
cha
ins,
man
y ri
ngs,
" an
d th
e lik
e.
But
it w
as th
e th
ird
cate
gory
of a
ngry
inci
dent
s, a
nger
cau
sed
by o
ne p
erso
n's
trea
tmen
t of a
noth
er,
that
dre
w th
e gr
eate
st n
umbe
rs a
nd th
e gr
eate
st p
assi
on:
Inju
stic
e. S
tupi
dity
(one
's o
wn
or a
noth
er's
).
Che
ater
s. B
ootli
cker
s (th
e m
odem
equ
ival
ent s
tilI
infu
riat
es, a
lthou
gh th
e te
rm h
as a
dvan
ced
up th
e an
atom
y). I
nsul
ts. C
onde
scen
sion
: "T
o be
trea
ted
as if
! w
ere
of n
o ac
coun
t." O
ne w
oman
sum
mar
ized
th
e lo
t: T
he c
hief
caus
es a
re c
ontr
adic
tion,
esp
ecia
lly if
l am
righ
t; sl
ight
s, e
spec
ialI
y to
my
pare
nts
or fr
iend
s, e
ven
mor
e th
an m
ysel
f; to
hav
e m
y ve
raci
ty q
uest
ione
d; th
e si
ght o
f my
olde
r br
othe
r sm
okin
g w
hen
we
are
poor
; inj
ustic
e, d
islik
e or
hat
e fr
om th
ose
who
fear
to s
peak
ri
ght o
ut; b
eing
tire
d an
d ou
t of s
orts
, etc
. In
the
latte
r moo
d th
e le
ast t
hing
[will
mak
e m
e an
gry]
like
find
ing
book
s ou
t of p
lace
... s
tupi
dity
in p
eopl
e w
ho w
ill n
ot u
nder
stan
d--t
hese
m
ake
me
feel
as
a ca
t mus
t whe
n st
roke
d th
e w
rong
way
. T
he a
nger
s th
at fe
ll in
this
cat
egor
y se
emed
to c
ombi
ne b
oth
phys
ical
reac
tions
, in
all t
heir
star
tling
va
riety
, and
men
tal p
erce
ptio
ns o
f ins
ult,
cond
esce
nsio
n, a
nd th
e lik
e, in
all
of t
heir
star
tling
var
iety
.
124
•
Ap
pen
dix
VI.
Wor
kshe
et
Ang
er
Wha
t si
gns
do y
ou
hav
e w
hen
you
get
ang
ry?
Che
ck t
hose
tha
t app
ly.
_ ch
ange
s of m
uscl
e te
nsio
n _
sco
wli
ng
_
gri
nd
ing
oft
eeth
_
gla
rin
g
_ cl
ench
ing
your
fist
s _
ch
an
ges
ofan
ns a
nd p
ositi
on o
f bod
y _
flus
hing
(ge
tting
red
in f
ace
or b
ody)
_
pali
ng
(los
ing
colo
r)
_g
oo
se b
umps
ch
ills
and
shud
ders
_
pri
ck
ly se
nsat
ions
nu
mbn
ess
_ch
ok
ing
_
twit
chin
g
_sw
eati
ng
_
losi
ng
self
-con
trol
_
feeli
ng
hot
_
feeli
ng
cold
Wha
t kin
ds o
f sit
uati
ons
caus
e yo
u to
bec
ome
angr
y?
Wri
te o
ne o
r tw
o ex
ampl
es.
"Stu
pid
Inan
imat
e O
bjec
ts"
"Spe
cial
Ave
rsio
ns"
"I nj
ust
ice"
Oth
er E
xam
ples
125
App
endi
x V
II.
Wor
kshe
et
Ang
er A
ctio
n P
lan
Wha
t mak
es m
e an
gry?
Lis
t the
top
ten
thin
gs.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
Pla
ce a
che
ck a
fter
thos
e th
ings
on
the
list
that
you
can
do
som
ethi
ng a
bout
.
Thi
ngs
I ca
n do
to
redu
ce m
y an
ger:
Ang
ry S
itua
tion
#1:
W
hat
I C
an D
o:
Ang
ry S
itua
tion
#2:
W
hat
I C
an D
o:
Ang
ry S
itua
tion
#3:
W
hat
I C
an D
o:
Ang
ry S
itua
tion
#4:
W
hat I
Can
Do:
Ang
ry S
itua
tion
#5:
W
hat
I C
an D
o:
127
App
endi
x V
III.
Exc
erpt
G
ivin
g S
orro
w W
ords
b
y C
and
y L
ight
ner
and
Nan
cy H
atha
way
W
arne
r B
ooks
, New
Yor
k, 1
990
The
foll
owin
g ex
cerp
t, c
hapt
er 4
of t
he L
ight
ner-
Hat
haw
ay b
ook,
is in
clud
ed f
or e
duca
tion
al
purp
oses
onl
y, a
s an
exa
mpl
e o
fth
e ki
nds
of m
ater
ials
that
can
be
used
to d
iscu
ss th
is to
pic.
Add
itio
nal
copi
es m
ay b
e re
prin
ted
only
for e
duca
tion
al u
se a
nd a
re n
ot to
be
dupl
icat
ed fo
r pr
ofit
.
129
Ch
apte
r 4.
Fun
eral
s an
d M
ourn
ing
Cu
stom
s
I w
ante
d to
dig
my
son
:\' gr
ave,
The
y w
ould
n't l
et m
e. T
hey
used
mac
hine
s to
do
it.
I w
ould
hav
e h
ad
gre
at sati,~faction i
ll co
uld
have
dug
the
gra
ve.
-RA
Y T
AN
GU
AY
Our
atti
tude
s to
war
d de
ath
and
mou
rnin
g ha
ve c
hang
ed d
ram
atic
ally
in th
e la
st tw
o ce
ntur
ies.
In th
e ni
nete
enth
cen
tury
, peo
ple
thre
w th
emse
lves
into
dra
mat
ic, i
mpa
ssio
ned
mou
rnin
g. T
hey
used
par
asol
s,
hand
kerc
hief
s, s
tatio
nery
, and
eve
n te
a se
ts d
esig
ned
excl
usiv
ely
for m
ourn
ing;
they
wor
e m
ourn
ing
ring
s an
d pe
ndan
ts w
hich
mig
ht e
ncas
e a
lock
of h
air o
fthe
dec
ease
d. T
he e
xces
ses
of t
he a
ge c
an b
e se
en
mos
t viv
idly
in Q
ueen
Vic
toria
, who
mou
rned
for h
er h
usba
nd, A
lber
t, no
nsto
p fr
om h
is d
eath
in 1
861
to h
er o
wn
in 1
901.
For
forty
yea
rs, s
he p
ut o
ut h
is s
havi
ng s
uppl
ies
ever
y m
orni
ng a
nd k
ept a
pic
ture
o
f him
pro
pped
up
on h
is s
ide
of t
he b
ed. N
or w
as h
er e
xten
ded
mou
rnin
g fo
r A
lber
t the
onl
y ex
ampl
e o
f her
sen
se o
f pro
prie
ty a
bout
suc
h m
atte
rs. I
n 18
59, w
hen
her g
reat
-gra
ndm
othe
r die
d, V
icto
ria
was
ou
trag
ed to
lear
n th
at o
ne o
f her
gre
at-g
rand
mot
her's
des
cend
ants
in th
e Pr
ussi
an c
ourt
was
not
dr
esse
d in
mou
rnin
g--d
espi
te th
e fa
ct th
at th
e ch
ild w
as o
nly
five
mon
ths
old.
Lila
c an
d w
hite
, she
sug
ge
sted
, wer
e pr
oper
mou
rnin
g co
lors
for b
abie
s.
Bla
ck, o
f cou
rse,
was
the
pref
erre
d co
lor f
or a
dults
, and
esp
ecia
lly fo
r wom
en, w
ho u
nlik
e m
en
wer
e ex
pect
ed to
be
clad
ent
irel
y in
that
col
or. D
urin
g th
e fir
st y
ear,
wid
ow's
wee
ds w
ere
mad
e o
f dul
l bl
ack
and
acce
ssor
ized
with
vei
ls, h
ats,
and
"w
eepe
r cuf
fs."
Dur
ing
the
seco
nd y
ear,
shin
y bl
ack,
suc
h as
silk
, was
per
mitt
ed. A
fter
war
d, o
ne m
ight
gra
dual
ly lo
ok to
war
d ot
her c
olor
s--b
egin
ning
with
whi
te,
also
a c
olor
ass
ocia
ted
with
mou
rnin
g.
Dur
ing
this
per
iod,
alth
ough
ther
e w
as m
uch
over
t mou
rnin
g, d
eath
was
rom
antic
ized
. Nin
ete
enth
-cen
tury
nov
els
are
fille
d w
ith te
ar-j
erke
r sce
nes
such
as
the
deat
hs o
f Bet
h in
Lit
tle
Wom
en a
nd
of L
ittle
Nel
l in
Dic
kens
' ser
ializ
ed n
ovel
The
Old
Cur
iosi
ty S
hop-
-an
even
t whi
ch c
ause
d w
eepi
ng
crow
ds to
gat
her i
n th
e po
rt o
f New
Yor
k av
idly
aw
aitin
g th
e ne
xt in
stal
lmen
t in
the
futil
e ho
pe th
at
Dic
kens
wou
ldn'
t let
her
die
. In
the
twen
tieth
cen
tury
, the
re w
as a
rebe
llion
aga
inst
the
mau
dlin
ext
rem
e o
f the
Vic
tori
ans.
In
its
plac
e, p
eopl
e em
brac
ed tw
entie
th-c
entu
ry re
pres
sion
. In
an e
ssay
ori
gina
lly p
ublis
hed
in 1
955
and
title
d "T
he P
orno
grap
hy o
f Dea
th,"
Bri
tish
anth
ropo
logi
st G
eoff
rey
Cor
er e
xpla
ined
that
, dur
ing
the
Vic
tori
an
era,
se~
was
unm
entio
nabl
e bu
t "de
ath
was
no
mys
tery
, exc
ept i
n th
e se
nse
that
dea
th is
alw
ays
a m
ys
tery
." B
y th
e m
iddl
e o
f the
twen
tieth
cen
tury
, it w
as th
e ot
her w
ay a
roun
d. "
Whe
reas
cop
ulat
ion
has
be
com
e m
ore
and
mor
e 'm
entio
nabl
e, ' p
artic
ular
ly in
the
Ang
lo-S
axon
soc
ietie
s, d
eath
had
bec
ome
mor
e an
d m
ore
'unm
enti
onab
le,'
" he
wro
te. M
ourn
ing
cost
umes
dis
appe
ared
; hou
ses
wer
e no
long
er d
rape
d in
bla
ck; b
lack
mou
rnin
g w
reat
hs w
ere
no lo
nger
in fa
shio
n (in
par
t bec
ause
, on
the
day
of t
he f
uner
al,
they
pro
vide
d an
eas
y m
ark
for b
urgl
ars)
; dea
th b
ecam
e a
priv
ate
affa
ir.
Tod
ay, a
lthou
gh a
con
side
rabl
e m
ovem
ent i
s con
cern
ed w
ith th
e pr
oces
s of
cons
ciou
s dy
ing
as a
si
gnif
ican
t life
exp
erie
nce,
the
proh
ibiti
on a
gain
st m
ourn
ing
rem
ains
. But
turn
ing
away
from
mou
rnin
g is
ultim
atel
y as
sel
f-de
feat
ing
as d
row
ning
in g
rief.
The
bal
ance
d w
ay to
trav
el th
roug
h gr
ief i
s to
ack
now
led
ge it
s va
ried
em
otio
ns. I
n m
any
way
s, th
at jo
urne
y be
gins
with
the
fune
ral.
The
fune
ral
is th
e fir
st m
ajor
eve
nt o
f the
mou
rner
's li
fe w
ithou
t the
dec
ease
d. M
ore
than
an
un
happ
y ga
ther
ing,
mor
e th
an a
form
aliz
ed f
arew
ell,
the
fune
ral
is th
e pi
vot b
etw
een
befo
re a
nd a
fter.
Lik
e ot
her r
itual
s, it
is a
rite
of p
assa
ge th
at p
rovi
des
a fr
amew
ork
for c
hang
e. A
t the
fun
eral
, if a
t no
othe
r tim
e, th
e aw
esom
e pa
ssag
e fr
om li
fe to
dea
th is
ser
ious
ly a
ddre
ssed
. The
fune
ral
is a
cer
emon
y o
f sep
ara
tion
that
pro
vide
s an
opp
ortu
nity
to e
xpre
ss s
tron
g fe
elin
gs, t
o be
rec
ogni
zed
and
com
fort
ed a
s a
mou
rner
, to
say
fare
wel
l with
str
uctu
re, s
olem
nity
, and
sup
port
, and
to re
alig
n ou
rsel
ves
with
the
com
m
unity
of m
ourn
ers-
the
livin
g. F
or al
l tho
se re
ason
s, th
e fu
nera
l or m
emor
ial s
ervi
ce c
an h
elp
enor
-
131
mou
sly
in th
e pr
oces
s o
f gri
evin
g.
Thi
s is
true
eve
n un
der t
he w
orst
of c
ircu
mst
ance
s, w
hen
deat
h ha
s co
me
in a
n un
timel
y an
d br
utal
fa
shio
n. E
lizab
eth
Pear
son
is a
Sha
kesp
eare
an a
ctre
ss w
hose
bro
ther
Bill
y di
ed in
197
1 w
hen
he w
as in
th
e ar
med
forc
es.
He
was
sho
t in
the
head
at a
mili
tary
bas
e, a
nd th
e de
tails
of h
is d
eath
wer
e ne
ver e
ntir
ely
clea
r: M
y br
othe
r was
a b
uddi
ng h
ippi
e,ju
st g
ettin
g in
to h
is o
wn
thou
ghts
abo
ut th
e w
ar. H
e sh
ould
hav
e be
en a
con
scie
ntio
us o
bjec
tor.
He
was
sho
t in
the
head
, and
they
sai
d it
was
su
icid
e. B
ut w
ere
his
fing
erpr
ints
on
the
gun?
I d
on't
even
kno
w. P
eopl
e I'v
e sp
oken
to
sinc
e ha
ve s
aid,
"Y
our b
roth
er w
as fr
agge
d, s
hot b
y on
e o
f his
ow
n m
en. W
ithou
t a d
oubt
. Y
our b
roth
er g
ot w
aste
d."
It w
as m
y m
othe
r's c
hoic
e to
hav
e a
mili
tary
fune
ral
and
it as
to
unde
d m
e be
caus
e I f
elt i
t was
the
mili
tary
that
kill
ed h
im. I
was
ang
ry a
t the
dec
isio
n.
But
in re
tros
pect
, I fe
el d
iffe
rent
ly. T
here
was
pro
toco
l and
that
com
fort
ed m
e. F
amily
an
d cl
ose
frie
nds
sat i
n ro
ws
unde
r a c
anop
y an
d fa
ced
a br
and-
new
alu
min
um c
offi
n w
ith a
fla
g dr
aped
ove
r it.
The
re w
as a
thir
teen
-gun
sal
ute.
It w
as o
utra
geou
sly
dram
atic
-whi
ch I
thin
k he
lped
, fir
st b
ecau
se th
ere
was
no
deny
ing
that
this
boy
was
dea
d, a
nd s
econ
d be
ca
use
I kne
w h
e w
as g
oing
to b
e pr
oper
ly la
id to
res
t. T
here
's n
o w
ay to
kno
w w
hat e
lem
ents
of a
fune
ral w
ill m
ake
an e
mot
iona
l im
pact
. The
mos
t rea
ssu
ring
asp
ect o
f a fu
nera
l may
be
the
num
ber o
fpeo
ple
who
app
ear;
it m
ay b
e w
ords
sai
d by
the
min
is
ter o
r rab
bi o
r a e
ulog
y sp
oken
by
a fr
iend
; or i
t may
be
a sm
all,
sym
bolic
ges
ture
that
pro
vide
s em
otio
nal r
elea
se. T
hat's
som
ethi
ng L
ee S
helto
n no
ted
afte
r his
eig
hty-
year
-old
fath
er w
as k
illed
in a
n au
to
mob
ile c
rash
: I don
't pl
ace
a lo
t of c
rede
nce
in ri
tual
. But
at m
y fa
ther
's fu
nera
l, on
e pa
rt o
fthe
cer
em
ony
did
affe
ct m
e. I
wen
t out
of m
y w
ay to
toss
the
first
bit
ofso
il o
nto
his
coff
in. T
ossi
ng
that
han
dful
of s
oil o
nto
the
coff
in w
as li
ke th
e fin
al g
ood-
bye.
It b
roug
ht e
very
thin
g in
to
such
focu
s at
that
mom
ent b
ut it
was
free
ing
ther
eafte
r. A
t Car
i's fu
nera
l, I w
as e
spec
ially
touc
hed
whe
n he
r cla
ssm
ates
file
d pa
st th
e ca
sket
and
one
by
one
plac
ed a
sin
gle
rose
on
top.
Tha
t ges
ture
told
me
that
her
dea
th w
ould
be
mou
rned
by
man
y. O
ver
thre
e hu
ndre
d pe
ople
wer
e th
ere;
my
sorr
ow w
as s
hare
d. T
his
is o
ne o
f the
gre
at b
enef
its o
ffun
eral
s:
they
pla
ce th
e de
ath
in a
soci
al c
onte
xt b
y gi
ving
us
an o
ppor
tuni
ty to
mou
rn to
geth
er, a
nd in
so
doin
g,
they
hel
p us
to fe
el l
ess
alon
e.
CU
LT
UR
AL
AN
D R
EL
IGIO
US
TR
AD
ITIO
NS
Whi
le d
eath
is u
nive
rsal
, way
s o
f dea
ling
with
it a
re a
s va
ried
as
the
lang
uage
s pe
ople
spe
ak a
nd th
e w
ays
they
thin
k. S
ome
cultu
res,
suc
h as
thos
e o
f the
Med
iterr
anea
n, e
ncou
rage
str
ong
emot
iona
l rea
cti
onsa
t fun
eral
s; o
ther
s fa
vor t
he s
tiff
uppe
r lip
. The
Bal
ines
e, w
ho a
re n
ot k
now
n to
cry
at a
ll, a
t lea
st in
pu
blic
, act
ually
enc
oura
ge la
ught
er a
t fun
eral
s by
dro
ppin
g th
e co
ffin
into
a cr
eek-
--1>
omet
imes
mor
e th
an o
nce.
The
Sam
oans
hav
e an
ext
rem
ely
brie
f per
iod
of m
ourn
ing,
whe
reas
in G
reec
e, w
idow
s ar
e ex
pect
ed to
wea
r bla
ck fo
r the
rest
of t
heir
live
s. I
n So
uthe
ast A
sia,
em
otio
nal r
eact
ions
are
con
side
red
perf
ectly
acc
epta
ble
in p
ublic
but
in p
riva
te g
riev
ers
are
expe
cted
to m
aint
ain
som
e co
ntro
l. T
he E
nglis
h ge
nera
lly ta
ke th
e op
posi
te a
ppro
ach.
Wha
t fee
ls n
atur
al to
one
gro
up m
ay s
eem
dee
ply
unna
tura
l to
anot
her;
wha
t is
mea
nt to
be
com
fort
ing
in o
ne tr
aditi
on m
ay, i
n th
e co
ntex
t of a
noth
er, a
ppea
r dis
re
spec
tful.
In th
e U
nite
d St
ates
, sty
les o
f mou
rnin
g va
ry w
idel
y. T
he fu
nera
l of a
jazz
mus
icia
n in
New
Orl
eans
w
ith it
s sy
ncop
ated
par
ade
rese
mbl
es v
ery
little
the
subd
ued
fare
wel
l giv
en th
eir l
oved
one
s by
the
Qua
kers
of P
enns
ylva
nia.
At t
he fu
nera
l and
dur
ing
the
peri
od o
f mou
rnin
g th
at fo
llow
s, a
beh
avio
r con
si
dere
d ut
terl
y na
tura
l and
impo
rtan
t by
one
grou
p, s
uch
as w
eari
ng b
lack
or v
isiti
ng th
e gr
ave,
may
st
rike
ano
ther
gro
up a
s un
nece
ssar
y. A
mon
g A
fro-
Am
eric
ans,
fune
rals
are
occ
asio
ns fo
r lar
ge f
amily
132
• •
and
com
mun
ity g
athe
ring
s, a
nd a
ttend
ance
is g
iven
eno
nnou
s em
phas
is, e
ven
for d
ista
nt re
latio
ns. B
ut
afte
r the
fun
eral
, acc
ordi
ng to
res
earc
h co
nduc
ted
in 1
974
by D
avid
K. R
eyno
lds
and
Ric
hard
A.
Kal
ish
com
pari
ng e
thni
c gr
oups
in th
e U
nite
d St
ates
, Afr
o-A
mer
ican
s pu
t the
leas
t em
phas
is o
n vi
sitin
g th
e gr
ave
of a
dec
ease
d sp
ouse
. Am
eric
ans
of J
apan
ese
and
Mex
ican
des
cent
, on
the
othe
r han
d, o
ver
whe
lmin
gly
thO
Ugh
t it w
as im
porta
nt to
vis
it fr
eque
ntly
. E
ven
with
in th
e co
ntex
t ofa
sing
le e
thni
c he
rita
ge, p
atte
rns
can
vary
mar
kedl
y as
fam
ilies
dev
elop
th
eir o
wn
styl
es. L
isa
Cur
ran
cont
rast
ed th
e w
ays
the
two
side
s o
f her
fam
ily--
-bot
h Ir
ish
Cat
ho
lic
cope
with
dea
th:
I've
hear
d w
ild s
tori
es a
bout
wak
es fr
om o
ne s
ide
of m
y fa
mily
. My
grea
t-gr
andf
athe
r ow
ned
a ho
tel t
hat h
ad a
salo
on a
nd m
y U
ncle
Tim
my
told
a s
tory
in w
hich
a d
ead
body
so
meh
ow e
nded
up
prop
ped
up in
the
salo
on. Y
ou h
ear s
tori
es li
ke th
at. A
s fa
r as
I kno
w
they
nev
er a
ctua
lly h
appe
ned.
But
eve
ryon
e dr
inks
a lo
t and
it b
ecom
es a
par
ty.
On
the
othe
r sid
e of
the
fam
ily, t
he w
akes
are
mor
bid,
dow
ntro
dden
, and
dep
ress
ing,
fil
led
with
gui
lt an
d re
mor
se. W
hen
my
gran
dpar
ents
on
that
sid
e of
the
fam
ily d
ied,
we
stay
ed a
t the
fun
eral
hom
e fo
r sev
eral
day
s. S
ince
my
Unc
le D
enny
was
a p
ries
t, ev
eryb
ody
up to
the
bish
op s
aid
the
fune
ral m
ass.
The
re w
ere
may
be fi
ftee
n pe
ople
-def
inat
ely
holie
r th
an th
ou.
The
goa
l in
ever
y er
a an
d in
eve
ry c
ultu
re is
the
sam
e: to
pro
vide
a p
rope
r con
clus
ion
to a
life
and
to
begi
n th
e pr
oces
s of
livi
ng w
ithou
t the
dec
ease
d. T
hose
task
s ar
e ge
nera
lly c
onsi
dere
d to
fall
into
the
real
m o
f rel
igio
n. W
heth
er th
e se
rvic
e ta
kes
plac
e in
a c
hurc
h, s
ynag
ogue
, or f
uner
al h
ome
(as
is in
cr
easi
ngly
the
case
), th
e so
lem
nity
of t
he p
roce
edin
gs, t
he re
ligio
us tr
appi
ngs,
and
the
pres
ence
of c
lerg
y un
ders
core
the
grav
ity o
fthe
even
t. Pr
otes
tant
cus
tom
s va
ry, d
epen
ding
on
the
deno
min
atio
n. G
ener
ally
, the
re is
a b
rief
serv
ice
at th
e ch
urch
or f
uner
al h
ome
that
incl
udes
a re
adin
g fr
om th
e B
ible
, pra
yers
, org
an m
usic
, pos
sibl
y th
e si
ngin
g o
f hym
ns, a
nd a
fune
ral s
enno
n or
med
itatio
n. S
elec
tions
of p
oetr
y or
pro
se a
re s
omet
imes
read
. The
ca
sket
may
be
open
or c
lose
d, d
epen
ding
on
the
deno
min
atio
n, a
nd th
ere
may
or m
ay n
ot b
e a
eulo
gy.
At t
he g
rave
, the
re is
a b
rief
com
mitt
al s
ervi
ce. A
fter
war
d, a
s in
oth
er g
roup
s, p
eopl
e us
ually
gat
her t
oge
ther
for a
mea
l. In
Cat
holic
ism
, the
rite
s id
eally
beg
in p
rior
to d
eath
, whe
n th
e dy
ing
pers
on re
ceiv
es th
e fin
al s
acra
m
ents
. (W
hen
deat
h is
sud
den,
the
prie
st is
pen
nitt
ed to
giv
e pe
nanc
e an
d ex
trem
e un
ctio
n up
to s
ever
al
hour
s af
ter d
eath
.) T
he fu
nera
l its
elf i
s co
mpr
ised
of t
hree
par
ts: t
he w
ake,
the
fune
ral m
ass,
and
the
grav
esid
e se
rvic
e. T
he w
ake,
whi
ch o
ccur
s th
e ni
ght b
efor
e th
e fu
nera
l, is
cond
ucte
d in
the
pres
ence
of
the
body
, whi
ch is
in a
n op
en c
aske
t. H
eld
eith
er in
the
fune
ral p
arlo
r or i
n th
e m
ourn
er's
hom
e, th
e w
ake
serv
ice
may
incl
ude
psal
ms,
pra
yers
, a ro
sary
, and
a sh
ort h
omily
on
the
mea
ning
ofl
ife,
dea
th,
and
resu
rrec
tion.
For
man
y ho
urs,
fri
ends
and
rel
ativ
es c
ome
to o
ffer
con
dole
nces
, to
pray
, and
to v
iew
th
e bo
dy; i
ndee
d, th
e te
nn "
view
ing"
is s
omet
imes
use
d in
stea
d o
f "w
ake.
" T
he n
ext d
ay, t
here
is a
fu
nera
l or r
equi
em m
ass.
The
cof
fin
is c
lose
d an
d co
vere
d w
ith a
whi
te p
all u
pon
whi
ch a
cro
ss m
ight
be
plac
ed. H
oly
wat
er, i
ncen
se, a
nd c
andl
es a
ccen
t the
sol
emni
ty o
fthe
hig
hly
stru
ctur
ed s
ervi
ce, w
hich
em
phas
izes
the
conc
ept o
fthe
new
life
the
dece
ased
has
fou
nd w
ith G
od.
Aft
er th
e fu
nera
l mas
s, th
e "f
inal
com
men
datio
n an
d fa
rew
ell"
take
s pl
ace
eith
er in
chu
rch
or a
t the
gr
ave
site
, whi
ch is
ble
ssed
in a
dvan
ce. I
t use
d to
be
that
the
fam
ily w
ould
avo
id w
atch
ing
the
cask
et
bein
g lo
wer
ed in
to th
e ea
rth.
Tod
ay, t
he te
nden
cy is
to s
tay,
so
that
the
real
ity o
fthe
dea
th c
anno
t be
deni
ed.
In J
udai
sm, b
uria
l tak
es p
lace
imm
edia
tely
-wit
hin
twen
ty-f
our h
ours
, ifp
ossi
ble.
The
sim
ple,
w
oode
n co
ffin
is c
lose
d, a
nd th
ere
are
few
flo
wer
s. A
t the
fun
eral
, whi
ch is
a sh
ort o
ne in
clud
ing
pray
ers
and
a eu
logy
, mem
bers
oft
he im
med
iate
fam
ily a
re g
iven
a b
lack
ribb
on w
hich
is th
en c
ut to
indi
cate
th
eir g
rief
l33
Aft
er th
e fu
nera
l, th
ere
is a
bri
ef se
rvic
e at
the
cem
eter
y du
ring
whi
ch th
e ca
sket
is lo
wer
ed in
to th
e gr
ound
and
the
mou
rner
s sh
ovel
dir
t on
it. "
Shov
elin
g th
e di
rt is
an
incr
edib
ly h
ealin
g th
ing
to d
o. A
lth
ough
I w
ould
nev
er re
quir
e it,
I e
ncou
rage
it v
ery
stro
ngly
bec
ause
I fin
d th
at th
e ac
tual
act
of b
uryi
ng
is th
e be
ginn
ing
ofth
e ac
know
ledg
men
t tha
t thi
s ho
rrib
le th
ing
has
happ
ened
and
the
wor
ld is
for
ever
di
ffer
ent,"
sta
tes
Rab
bi L
aura
Gel
ler,
dire
ctor
of H
illel
at t
he U
nive
rsity
of S
outh
ern
Cal
ifor
nia.
Fol
low
ing
the
buri
al, f
rien
ds a
nd re
lativ
es g
athe
r for
a tr
aditi
onal
"m
eal o
f con
dole
nce.
" Pe
rhap
s the
mos
t dis
tinct
ive
aspe
ct o
f the
Jew
ish
trad
ition
is n
ot th
e fu
nera
l but
the
mou
rnin
g pe
riod
th
at fo
llow
s, w
hen
mou
rner
s re
turn
hom
e fo
r sev
en d
ays
of "
sitti
ng sh
iva"
(shi
vam
eans
"se
ven"
). T
radi
tio
nally
, the
y lig
ht a
can
dle
that
bum
s fo
r sev
en d
ays,
sit
on w
oode
n st
ools
or b
ench
es, a
nd re
ceiv
e vi
si
tors
. All
activ
ities
cea
se e
xcep
t for
one
: mou
rnin
g.
The
Isla
mic
relig
ion
spec
ifie
s fiv
e ri
tual
s co
ncem
ing
deat
h: w
ashi
ng th
e bo
dy in
a c
erem
onia
l man
ner;
w
rapp
ing
the
entir
e bo
dy in
cle
an, p
refe
rabl
y w
hite
, clo
th; p
raye
r; th
e fu
nera
l its
elf,
duri
ng w
hich
mus
ic
and
cryi
ng a
re f
orbi
dden
; and
bur
ial.
If po
ssib
le, t
he b
ody
is b
urie
d di
rect
ly in
the
grou
nd, w
ithou
t a c
as
ket,
and
with
the
face
tur
ned
tow
ard
Mec
ca. A
sto
ne, a
few
bri
cks,
or s
ome
soil
can
be p
ut u
nder
the
head
, but
not
hing
· els
e is
per
mitt
ed in
the
grav
e. A
fter
war
d, p
eopl
e br
ing
food
to th
e fa
mily
. A
ccor
ding
to I
slam
, the
re is
one
God
, kno
wn
as A
llah,
and
man
y pr
ophe
ts, o
f who
m M
oham
med
is
the
last
. "M
osle
ms b
elie
ve A
llah
is a
ll an
d H
e ca
n de
cide
whe
n m
an h
as to
live
and
whe
n ou
r life
sho
uld
be e
nded
," s
tate
s A
bdal
Mag
eed
Nas
ouef
, vic
e-co
ordi
nato
r oft
he Is
lam
ic C
ente
r in
Los
Ang
eles
. D
eath
is e
xpec
ted
to b
e m
et w
ith e
quan
imity
. Con
sequ
ently
, the
mou
rnin
g pe
riod
is s
hort
. For
a
thre
e-da
y pe
riod
aft
er th
e fu
nera
l, kn
own
as A
zah,
mou
rner
s ac
cept
con
dole
nces
. Aft
er th
at, t
alki
ng
abou
t the
dec
ease
d w
ith th
e m
ourn
ers
is n
ot e
ncou
rage
d. "
It is
rem
indi
ng h
im o
f his
sad
ness
," N
asou
ef
expl
ains
. "S
o af
ter t
hree
day
s w
e sh
ould
retu
rn to
nor
mal
life
." (T
he s
ole
exce
ptio
n oc
curs
whe
n a
hus
band
die
s, in
whi
ch c
ase
the
wif
e is
exp
ecte
d to
sta
y ho
me
for t
hree
mon
ths
and
ten
days
.) M
ourn
ers
are
not s
uppo
sed
to b
ecom
e so
imm
erse
d in
thei
r gri
efth
at it
dis
trac
ts th
em fr
om th
eir r
elat
ions
hip
with
G
od. B
uddh
ists
and
Hin
dus
belie
ve th
at li
fe, d
eath
, and
rebi
rth
are
part
oft
he sa
me
cont
inuu
m, w
aves
on
the
ocea
n o
f exi
sten
ce. T
he b
ody
dies
; con
scio
usne
ss re
mai
ns. T
he tr
aditi
onal
pur
pose
oft
he fu
nera
l, w
hich
incl
udes
cha
ntin
g, p
raye
rs, t
he r
eciti
ng o
f sac
red
text
s, a
nd e
ulog
ies,
is to
hel
p th
e de
ceas
ed a
dju
st to
the
afte
r-de
ath
stat
e an
d pr
epar
e fo
r re
birt
h. A
t Bud
dhis
t fun
eral
s, th
e pr
iest
spe
aks
dire
ctly
to
the
dece
ased
. The
fune
ral i
s fo
llow
ed b
y a
fort
y-ni
ne-d
ay p
erio
d du
ring
whi
ch th
e pe
rson
who
die
d th
eore
tical
ly c
ompl
etes
the
jour
ney
from
dea
th to
rebi
rth. D
urin
g th
at ti
me,
mou
rner
s re
peat
pra
yers
in
tend
ed to
eas
e th
e tr
ansi
tion.
T
he p
hilo
soph
y an
d pr
actic
es o
f Eas
tern
relig
ions
hav
e be
com
e in
crea
sing
ly a
ttrac
tive
to W
este
rner
s du
ring
the
last
seve
ral d
ecad
es. R
on H
amm
es, a
Pen
nsyl
vani
a ar
tist,
spen
t a m
onth
at a
Bud
dhis
t mon
as
tery
aft
er h
is w
ife,
edi
tor T
obi S
ande
rs, d
ied
in a
car
cra
sh. H
e to
ld u
s ab
out s
ome
of h
is e
xper
ienc
es
ther
e:
The
y of
fere
d a
serv
ice
for T
obi.
The
re w
as a
n al
tar w
ith a
Bud
dha,
flo
wer
s (w
hich
rep
rese
nt e
arth
), w
ater
, inc
ense
(rep
rese
ntin
g ai
r), a
nd fi
re. S
o it
was
qui
te b
eaut
iful
. The
y al
so
wro
te a
poe
m a
nd g
ave
it to
me
on a
scro
ll w
ith lo
vely
cal
ligra
phy
One
of t
he th
ings
I e
xper
ienc
ed a
t the
mon
aste
ry w
as, y
ou c
an g
et s
uppo
rt, b
ut th
ey
don'
t soo
the.
Ift
here
is s
uch
a th
ing
as th
e da
rk n
ight
of t
he s
oul,
I've
bee
n th
roug
h it.
I
coul
d ha
rdly
spe
ak. W
hen
I was
sitt
ing
Zaz
en, I
was
in p
hysi
cal a
gony
bec
ause
the
tend
ons
in m
y le
gs w
ere
not u
sed
to s
ittin
g fo
r tw
o-ho
ur st
retc
hes.
The
less
on w
as n
ot to
run
fro
m
pain
. It h
ad a
n im
pact
that
car
ried
me
over
. Not
to b
e a
born
-aga
in B
uddh
ist,
but i
t com
es
dow
n to
the
fact
that
with
eve
ry g
reat
relig
ious
mys
tic o
r sea
rche
r, w
heth
er it
was
the
Bud
dh
a or
whe
ther
it w
as C
hris
t, at
the
hear
t of t
heir
teac
hing
was
thei
r em
path
y fo
r the
suf
fer
ing
of m
anki
nd a
nd th
eir s
earc
h, n
ot fo
r an
esca
pe fr
om it
, bec
ause
ther
e is
n't a
n es
cape
134
•
•
from
it, b
ut fo
r a w
ay to
go
beyo
nd th
at. T
his
is w
hat s
ittin
g Z
azen
is a
ll ab
out i
n m
y lif
e: n
ot
calm
, not
rela
xatio
n, b
ut th
e is
sue
of d
eath
, life
, suf
feri
ng. B
enea
th s
ittin
g is
that
issu
e. I
n si
ttin
g is
the
reso
lutio
n.
BU
RIA
L C
UST
OM
S T
hrou
ghou
t his
tory
, peo
ple
have
bur
ied
thei
r dea
d in
vas
tly d
iffe
rent
way
s. F
ifty
thou
sand
yea
rs a
go,
the
Nea
nder
thal
s ru
bbed
the
bodi
es o
f the
ir d
ead
with
red
ochr
e an
d bu
ried
them
in th
e fe
tal p
ositi
on.
The
Egy
ptia
ns m
umm
ifie
d th
e de
ceas
ed (i
nclu
ding
thei
r dea
d ca
ts) a
nd, i
n th
e ca
se o
f the
pha
raoh
s,
erec
ted
the
mos
t ela
bora
te a
nd p
erm
anen
t tom
bs th
e w
orld
has
eve
r see
n. T
he S
cand
inav
ian
Vik
ings
pu
t the
ir d
ead
on b
oats
, set
them
afi
re, a
nd s
aile
d th
em o
ut to
sea
. The
Pla
ins
Indi
ans
plac
ed th
e co
rpse
on
a h
igh
woo
den
plat
form
or i
n th
e br
anch
es o
f a tr
ee a
nd o
nly
late
r bur
ied
the
skel
eton
in a
sac
red
buri
al g
roun
d. T
he im
puls
e to
trea
t the
bod
y in
a sp
ecia
l ritu
aliz
ed w
ay s
eem
s to
be
univ
ersa
l; bu
t not
hin
g el
se is
. In
som
e pl
aces
in E
urop
e w
here
land
is s
carc
e, fo
r in
stan
ce, b
uria
l plo
ts a
re n
ot y
ours
for
eter
nity
. The
y ar
e te
mpo
rary
resi
denc
es, a
nd a
fter
a w
hile
the
bone
s ar
e re
mov
ed a
nd th
e sp
ace
is f
reed
fo
r som
eone
els
e's
use.
I ft
his
soun
ds d
istu
rbin
g, it
mig
ht b
e be
caus
e w
e're
not
acc
usto
med
to th
e id
ea.
Nik
olas
Ste
fani
dis,
Ph.
D.,
a co
unse
lor a
t the
Cen
ter f
or L
ivin
g in
Wes
t Hol
lyw
ood,
Cal
ifor
nia,
de
scri
bed
his
expe
rien
ce w
hen
he r
etur
ned
to h
is n
ativ
e G
reec
e to
pay
his
res
pect
s to
his
dea
d gr
and
mot
her:
On
the
Gre
ek is
land
whe
re I
gre
w u
p, b
ecau
se o
f spa
ce li
mita
tions
, we
exhu
me
the
bone
s o
f the
dec
ease
d. T
here
's a
n in
tere
stin
g rit
ual t
hat g
oes
with
it. T
hey
clea
n th
e bo
nes
with
red
win
e an
d ro
sem
ary.
The
y co
unt e
very
bon
e an
d pu
t the
m in
a b
ox w
ith th
e pe
rson
's
nam
e, th
e da
te o
f bir
th, a
nd th
e da
te o
f dea
th. T
hen
they
hav
e a
mem
oria
l ser
vice
. And
then
yo
u pu
t the
bon
es to
res
t in
a co
mm
unal
mau
sole
um, a
big
bui
ldin
g w
here
all
the
bone
s ar
e st
ored
in b
oxes
. Som
e pe
ople
put
pic
ture
s o
f the
dec
ease
d on
the
boxe
s. W
hen
I wen
t ba
ck to
Gre
ece
I wen
t in
and
foun
d m
y gr
andm
othe
r's s
kull,
and
I fe
lt as
in
had
see
n he
r ag
ain.
It w
as a
goo
d ex
peri
ence
. Fo
r mos
t peo
ple
toda
y, th
e ch
oice
is b
etw
een
buri
al a
nd c
rem
atio
n. T
he c
hief
bene
fit o
f bur
ial,
and
it is
an
impo
rtan
t one
, is
that
it p
rovi
des
a sa
fe p
lace
to m
ourn
, a p
lace
that
bel
ongs
to th
e de
ceas
ed. "
I vi
sit m
y hu
sban
d's
grav
e ev
ery
year
on
his
birt
hday
," s
aid
New
Yor
ker A
nna
Shap
iro.
"I p
rune
the
shru
b I p
lant
ed th
ere,
and
I c
lear
aw
ay a
ny w
eeds
that
mig
ht b
e gr
owin
g, a
nd I
feel
as in
am
taki
ng
care
of h
im. I
t's a
con
nect
ion-
-a p
hysi
cal c
onne
ctio
n."
The
re c
an b
e gr
eat s
olac
e in
that
. C
rem
atio
n is
the
pref
erre
d m
ode
in m
any
cultu
res,
incl
udin
g In
dia,
Jap
an, a
nd E
ngla
nd, w
here
it h
as
beco
me
so p
opul
ar si
nce
the
tum
oft
he c
entu
ry th
at it
now
is th
e us
ual c
hoic
e. I
n 19
89, a
ccor
ding
to
Will
iam
Hoc
ker,
form
er p
resi
dent
oft
he N
atio
nal F
uner
al D
irec
tors
Ass
ocia
tion,
cre
mat
ion
was
cho
sen
appr
oxim
atel
y 15
per
cent
oft
he ti
me
in th
e U
nite
d S
tate
s--a
nd in
Sou
ther
n C
alif
orni
a, o
ne d
eath
in
thre
e re
sults
in c
rem
atio
n. W
hat o
nce
seem
ed a
n ex
otic
ritu
al is
bec
omin
g co
mm
onpl
ace.
A
lthou
gh c
rem
atio
n ca
n be
less
exp
ensi
ve th
an b
uria
l, m
ost p
eopl
e w
ho c
hoos
e cr
emat
ion
do s
o fo
r de
eply
per
sona
l rea
sons
that
hav
e lit
tle to
do
with
cos
t. So
me
peop
le, d
istu
rbed
by
the
idea
of t
he b
ody
grad
ually
dec
ompo
sing
, as
it do
es w
ith b
uria
l, fin
d cr
emat
ion
aest
hetic
ally
less
dis
tres
sing
. Cre
mat
ion
may
als
o be
app
ealin
g be
caus
e o
f the
man
y w
ays
of d
ispe
nsin
g th
e as
hes.
Alth
ough
they
may
be
kept
in
a ce
met
ery
vaul
t kno
wn
as a
col
umba
rium
, the
y m
ay a
lso
be s
catte
red
at s
ea o
r in
a ga
rden
. The
idea
of
the
body
bei
ng re
turn
ed to
the
eart
h in
this
man
ner-
-pos
sibl
y in
a sp
ot th
e de
ceas
ed p
erso
n lo
ved
-br
ings
com
fort
to m
any
peop
le.
Cre
mat
ion
has
draw
back
s to
o. P
eopl
e so
met
imes
hop
e th
at b
ecau
se c
rem
atio
n is
so
quic
k an
d fi
nal,
it w
ill s
hort
en th
e gr
ievi
ng p
roce
ss.lt
will
not
. Ano
ther
dif
ficu
lty c
an a
rise
whe
n th
e re
mai
ns a
re n
ot
kept
in a
spe
cial
spo
t. W
hen
they
are
sca
ttere
d ov
er a
larg
e ar
ea, t
here
is n
o m
arke
r, no
pla
que,
not
hm
g--n
ow o
r eve
r.
135
For t
hat r
easo
n, th
e fin
al r
estin
g pl
ace
shou
ld b
e ch
osen
with
car
e. T
here
's n
othi
ng w
rong
with
the
ocea
n, b
ut if
it do
esn'
t hav
e pe
rson
al a
ssoc
iatio
ns fo
r you
, the
situ
atio
n o
f "no
pla
ce to
go"
may
pro
ve
dist
urbi
ng. C
hoos
ing
an a
cces
sibl
e sp
ot c
an a
llevi
ate
that
pro
blem
. Sol
omon
Ber
g bu
ried
his
son
's a
shes
am
ong
the
tree
s an
d bu
shes
in h
is fr
ont y
ard
and
then
mar
ked
the
spot
with
a s
tatu
e tu
cked
in a
mon
g th
e fo
liage
. Mar
cy D
e Je
sus
buri
ed h
er h
usba
nd's
rem
ains
in th
e ba
ckya
rd, w
here
I h
elpe
d he
r pla
nt a
n ol
iv
e tr
ee. A
nd m
ore
peop
le th
an y
ou m
ight
exp
ect k
eep
the
ashe
s in
side
the
hous
e, a
t lea
st fo
r a w
hile
. Sa
ra a
nd P
aul G
risa
nti p
ut th
e tin
y bo
x co
ntai
ning
thei
r bab
y's
ashe
s in
the
larg
e cl
oset
that
thei
r old
er
child
ren
had
exci
tedl
y tr
ansf
orm
ed in
to a
bri
ghtly
col
ored
nur
sery
--a
room
the
baby
nev
er sa
w. J
oni
Scha
ap p
ut h
er so
n's
rem
ains
on
the
man
tel i
n th
e liv
ing
room
, whe
re it
is s
urro
unde
d by
ath
letic
trop
hies
an
d pi
ctur
es o
fthe
blo
nd te
enag
er. T
he u
rge
to c
reat
e a
spot
dev
oted
sol
ely
to th
e de
ceas
ed is
a d
eepl
y hu
man
one
. In
Japa
n, m
ourn
ers
ofth
e B
uddh
ist a
nd S
hint
o re
ligio
ns ty
pica
lly c
reat
e ho
useh
old
alta
rs
that
incl
ude
the
ashe
s an
d ph
otog
raph
s o
f the
dec
ease
d al
ong
with
oth
er o
bjec
ts s
uch
as ri
ce a
nd fl
ow
ers.
Cre
mat
ion
not o
nly
perm
its a
wid
e ch
oice
ofl
ocat
ion,
it a
lso
allo
ws
the
mou
rner
s to
cre
ate
that
spo
t in
a v
arie
ty o
f way
s w
hen
they
're re
ady.
With
a s
udde
n de
ath
in p
artic
ular
, tha
t can
be
a be
nefi
t. M
any
peop
le, i
nclu
ding
mys
elf,
like
the
idea
of d
onat
ing
orga
ns to
peo
ple
who
requ
ire
tran
spla
nts.
I
was
una
ble
to d
o so
with
Car
i bec
ause
her
bod
y ha
d be
en s
o se
riou
sly
inju
red
that
it w
as im
poss
ible
, an
d in
any
cas
e, it
did
n't o
ccur
to m
e to
ask
unt
il al
mos
t tw
elve
hou
rs a
fter
she
die
d. B
y th
en, i
t was
too
late
. Org
ans
need
to b
e ha
rves
ted
(yes
, tha
t's th
e w
ord
they
use
) im
med
iate
ly.
Fina
lly, t
here
is th
e op
tion
of d
onat
ing
the
body
to "
scie
nce.
" T
hat,
too,
is a
dec
isio
n th
at m
ust b
e m
ade
quic
kIy-
-and
gen
eral
ly w
ith th
e kn
owle
dge
that
it w
as w
hat t
he d
ecea
sed
wan
ted.
As
a ru
le,
whe
n th
e bo
dy is
don
ated
to a
scho
ol o
r res
earc
h fa
cilit
y, m
ourn
ers
hold
a m
emor
ial s
ervi
ce w
ithou
t the
bo
dy ra
ther
than
a fu
nera
l. B
ut it
is a
lso
poss
ible
to h
ave
a fu
nera
l in
the
pres
ence
oft
he b
ody
if th
e fu
ne
ral d
irec
tor i
s im
med
iate
ly n
otif
ied
the
body
has
bee
n do
nate
d. T
he u
nder
take
r can
then
pre
pare
the
body
in th
e m
anne
r spe
cifi
ed b
y th
e in
stitu
tion,
and
aft
er th
e fu
nera
l, it
will
be
sent
ther
e.
TH
E C
ASK
ET
: OPE
N O
R C
LO
SED
? A
noth
er q
uest
ion
that
may
ari
se is
whe
ther
to h
ave
an o
pen
or a
clo
sed
cask
et. E
xper
ts in
the
fiel
d o
f dea
th a
nd d
ying
alm
ost u
nive
rsal
ly fa
vor o
pen
cask
et. "
The
re's
a re
al c
atha
rsis
invo
lved
, a k
ind
of r
ele
ase,
" sa
id W
illia
m H
ocke
r. "A
fter
the
first
tim
e th
ey s
ee th
e bo
dy, t
he te
nsio
n is
bro
ken
and
it's
ver
y th
erap
eutic
. With
som
e pe
ople
, it's
not
hel
pful
. It h
as to
do
with
per
sona
lity
diff
eren
ces.
But
ove
rwhe
lm
ingl
y, I
wou
ld s
ay it
's b
ette
r for
a p
erso
n to
see
."
The
reas
on to
see
the
body
is n
ot th
at it
will
mak
e yo
u fe
el b
ette
r. It
cert
ainl
y di
d no
t mak
e m
e fe
el
bette
r to
see
my
daug
hter
in a
cas
ket.
But
it d
id h
elp
me
to a
ccep
t the
fin
ality
of h
er d
eath
. See
ing
the
body
will
not
sto
p m
ourn
ers
from
yea
rnin
g fo
r the
ir lo
ved
one
or d
ream
ing
that
the
dece
ased
is s
till a
live.
B
ut w
ith a
n op
en c
aske
t, gr
ieve
rs a
re le
ss li
kely
to h
arbo
r fan
tasi
es in
volv
ing
mis
take
n id
entit
y or
love
d on
es w
ande
ring
aro
und
with
am
nesi
a. S
eein
g th
e bo
dy d
ispe
ls a
ny li
nger
ing
doub
ts, f
or n
o m
atte
r how
sk
illed
the
unde
rtak
er is
with
mak
eup
and
wax
, whe
n yo
u se
e th
e bo
dy, y
ou k
now
. A p
erso
n yo
u lo
ve is
de
ad. T
hat's
the
real
ity.
Som
e pe
ople
wor
ry th
at s
eein
g th
e bo
dy w
ill b
e a
horr
ible
exp
erie
nce;
they
wan
t to
rem
embe
r the
de
ceas
ed a
s vi
bran
t and
hea
lthy
and
they
are
afr
aid
that
the
posi
tive
imag
es w
ill b
e ob
liter
ated
by
the
final
vis
ion.
But
oft
en, t
he w
ay th
e bo
dy lo
oks
in th
e ca
sket
can
act
ually
be
an im
prov
emen
t ove
r how
th
e pe
rson
look
ed w
hile
ill.
Nur
se th
anat
olog
ist S
herr
y G
ibso
n o
f Lou
isvi
lle, K
entu
cky,
des
crib
ed h
er
expe
rien
ce w
hen
her m
othe
r die
d:
Whe
n m
y m
othe
r die
d, s
he w
as fo
rty-
two
year
s ol
d an
d I w
as tw
enty
-six
. I to
ok c
are
of h
er th
roug
h he
r illn
ess.
She
was
a v
ery
beau
tiful
wom
an, a
ver
y pr
oud
wom
an, a
nd w
hen
she
was
in th
e ho
spita
l, sh
e ha
d tu
bes
ever
ywhe
re. S
he lo
st a
ll di
gnity
and
she
lost
so m
uch
wei
ght a
nd lo
oked
terr
ible
. I w
as in
the
med
ical
pro
fess
ion
and
knew
all
abou
t tha
t kin
d o
f
136
•
stuf
f, bu
t it w
as a
wfu
l for
that
to b
e th
e la
st im
age
of m
y m
othe
r in
my
min
d.
I cou
ldn'
t bel
ieve
it w
hen
I wen
t to
the
fune
ral
hom
e. S
he lo
oked
so g
ood.
Tha
t was
the
wom
an I
rem
embe
r. N
o, it
was
n't t
he s
ame.
Dea
d is
dea
d an
d th
ere
is n
o w
ay th
at a
dea
d bo
dy lo
oks
like
it is
aliv
e. B
ut s
he c
erta
inly
look
ed b
ette
r tha
n sh
e lo
oked
whe
n I l
eft h
er a
t th
e ho
spita
l the
nig
ht sh
e di
ed. A
nd th
at w
as s
o co
mfo
rtin
g to
me.
Se
eing
the
body
pro
vide
s a
final
opp
ortu
nity
to g
aze
at th
e fa
ce o
fthe
per
son
you
love
, to
touc
h th
em, t
o sa
y go
od-b
ye in
thei
r pre
senc
e. I
t can
als
o br
ing
a gr
eat s
ense
of r
elie
fbec
ause
at l
ast t
he p
er
son
look
s at
pea
ce. B
ooks
elle
r Dia
ne 1
. Will
iam
s o
f Ven
ice,
Cal
ifor
nia,
spe
nt m
any
nigh
ts in
the
hosp
ital
with
her
eig
ht-y
ear-
old
cous
in w
ho w
as d
ying
of c
ance
r. Sh
e de
scri
bes
her r
egre
t at n
ot s
eein
g he
r co
usin
's b
ody
afte
r dea
th:
Lau
ren
had
been
puf
fy a
nd s
he h
ad n
o ha
ir a
nd s
he lo
oked
aw
ful,
but a
s sh
e ap
pr
oach
ed d
eath
, she
got
her
eye
lash
es b
ack
and
then
she
got
thin
aga
in a
nd h
er h
air g
rew
ba
ck j e
t-bl
ack
and
curl
y-a
dif
fere
nt c
olor
, a d
iffe
rent
text
ure.
She
look
ed lu
min
ous,
bea
utif
ul, a
nd p
erfe
ct. B
ut s
he w
as fu
ll o
f rag
e an
d yo
u co
uld
read
her
pai
n in
her
face
. Aft
er sh
e di
ed, m
y au
nt s
aid
it w
as th
e m
ost e
xtra
ordi
nary
thin
g: h
er w
hole
bod
y re
laxe
d an
d th
ere
was
no
pain
and
her
face
was
cle
ar. I
'm so
sor
ry I
didn
't se
e he
r. Se
eing
the
body
doe
sn't
have
to o
ccur
at t
he fu
nera
l. In
deed
, man
y re
ligio
ns o
ppos
e op
en-c
aske
t fu
nera
ls. M
any
peop
le to
day
are
terr
ifie
d by
the
thou
ght o
f see
ing,
no
less
touc
hing
, a d
ead
body
. But
ke
ep in
min
d th
at th
roug
hout
mos
t of h
isto
ry, p
eopl
e di
ed a
t hom
e, a
nd fa
mily
mem
bers
wou
ld h
ave
natu
rally
see
n th
e pe
rson
aft
er d
eath
. See
ing
the
body
, whe
ther
it's
in a
cas
ket o
r on
the
deat
hbed
, can
pr
ovid
e bo
th a
jolt
of r
ealit
y an
d a
degr
ee o
f acc
epta
nce.
It w
on't
be a
won
derf
ul m
omen
t, bu
t in
the
mon
ths
and
year
s to
com
e, it
usu
ally
pro
ves
to b
e be
nefi
cial
. It
also
use
d to
be
cust
omar
y fo
r mou
rner
s to
dre
ss th
e bo
dy. A
lthou
gh th
is is
muc
h le
ss c
omm
on
toda
y, it
doe
s oc
cur.
Whe
n m
y m
othe
r die
d, h
er fr
iend
Dot
ty W
ard,
who
is a
nur
se (a
nd h
ence
was
not
af
raid
of t
he b
ody)
, wan
ted
to d
ress
her
and
bru
sh h
er h
air.
Man
y pa
rent
s w
hose
infa
nts
have
die
d ha
ve
foun
d so
lace
in d
ress
ing
thei
r dea
d ch
ild fo
r the
bur
ial.
And
with
in tr
aditi
onal
Jud
aism
, the
re is
a sp
ecia
l gr
oup
calle
d th
e H
evra
Kad
isha
who
se fu
nctio
n is
to p
repa
re th
e bo
dy fo
r bur
ial.
Rab
bi G
elle
r exp
lain
s,
"The
not
ion
of a
mor
tuar
y th
at y
ou ju
st se
nd th
e bo
dy to
is n
ot a
n es
sent
ial p
art o
f Jew
ish
trad
ition
. You
w
ould
vol
unte
er to
be
a m
embe
r oft
he H
evra
Kad
isha
soc
iety
, and
you
r job
wou
ld b
e to
was
h th
e bo
dy o
f dea
d pe
ople
in a
ritu
aliz
ed w
ay. T
he b
ody
is c
over
ed s
o th
at o
nly
the
part
that
's b
eing
was
hed
is u
ncov
ered
. It
's v
ery
resp
ectf
ul o
f the
bod
y. I
read
an
artic
le in
a m
agaz
ine
calle
d L
ilit
h by
a n
ontr
adi
tiona
l wom
an w
ho jo
ined
the
Hev
ra K
adis
ha o
f her
non
trad
ition
al s
ynag
ogue
, and
she
talk
s ab
out w
hat
an in
cred
ibly
impo
rtan
t exp
erie
nce
and
priv
ilege
it is
to p
repa
re a
bod
y to
be
buri
ed."
TH
E C
ON
TE
MPO
RA
RY
FU
NE
RA
L
The
pri
mar
y tr
end
in f
uner
als
toda
y is
tow
ard
pers
onal
izat
ion.
Peo
ple
wan
t fun
eral
s th
at re
flec
t the
lif
e of
the
depa
rted
. In
the
past
, tha
t has
n't a
lway
s ha
ppen
ed. I
n a
surv
ey c
ondu
cted
in th
e 19
60s
amon
g 16
9 Pr
otes
tant
min
iste
rs o
f var
ious
den
omin
atio
ns, o
nly
39 p
erce
nt a
ctua
lly re
ferr
ed to
the
de
ceas
ed b
y na
me
duri
ng th
e fu
nera
l ser
vice
s, a
ccor
ding
to P
aul I
rion
, aut
hor o
f Fun
eral
: V
estig
e o
r V
alue
? In
man
y fu
nera
ls, t
he lo
fty
ques
tions
ofl
ife
and
deat
h an
d lif
e af
ter d
eath
may
hav
e be
en a
ddr
esse
d, b
ut th
e pe
rson
lyin
g th
ere
in th
e ca
sket
was
bar
ely
men
tione
d. T
he fu
nera
l may
hav
e su
ccee
ded
as a
sta
ged
ritu
al, b
ut a
s a
cere
mon
y m
eant
to c
omfo
rt th
e m
ourn
ers
and
to p
ut th
e lif
e o
f the
dec
ease
d in
to a
con
text
, it f
aile
d m
iser
ably
. (T
he s
ame
mig
ht b
e sa
id fo
r a b
izar
re re
cent
inve
ntio
n: th
e dr
ive-
in fu
ne
ral.
You
pay
you
r res
pect
s to
the
dece
ased
with
out h
avin
g to
unb
uckl
e yo
ur sa
fety
bel
t.)
Dep
erso
naliz
ing
deat
h m
akes
it e
asie
r for
eve
ryon
e ex
cept
the
mou
rner
s to
bea
r. E
ven
the
cle
rgy
w
ho m
ay n
ever
hav
e m
et th
e de
ceas
ed o
r the
fam
ily o
fthe
dec
ease
d--m
ay fi
nd it
far e
asie
r to
prea
ch
abou
t dea
th in
som
e gr
and
theo
retic
al s
ense
than
to th
ink
abou
t an
actu
al h
uman
bei
ng w
hose
life
is
137
over
. "T
he fi
rst t
ime
I dea
lt w
ith a
per
son
who
was
gri
evin
g, I
was
a d
eaco
n fr
esh
out o
f sch
ool a
nd I
fe
lt un
prep
ared
," s
aid
the
vene
rabl
e H
arts
horn
Mur
phy,
Jr.,
oft
he E
pisc
opal
Arc
hdio
cese
of L
os A
nge
les.
"M
any
of u
s co
pe w
ith th
at s
ituat
ion
by h
idin
g be
hind
pra
yers
. In
one
resp
ect,
it's
hea
lthy,
in th
at it
tr
ies
to p
ut d
eath
in a
larg
er p
ictu
re. I
n an
othe
r way
, it's
hid
ing.
I w
ould
put
on
this
aur
a o
f the
pri
est a
nd
so w
as u
ntou
ched
by
the
pain
."
For m
ourn
ers,
that
pai
n is
unav
oida
bly
pres
ent.
Pers
onal
izin
g th
e fu
nera
l or b
eing
invo
lved
in it
s pl
anni
ng c
an o
ffer
a w
ay to
ass
uage
som
e o
f tha
t pai
n by
doi
ng s
omet
hing
for t
he d
ecea
sed.
Bei
ng in
vo
lved
faci
litat
es m
ourn
ing
by tu
rnin
g th
e gr
ievi
ng in
to a
n ac
tive
rath
er th
an a
pas
sive
pro
cess
. H
owev
er, m
any
mou
rner
s ar
e fa
r too
gri
ef-s
tric
ken
at th
e tim
e of
the
fune
ral t
o do
any
thin
g at
all.
G
ettin
g dr
esse
d is
har
d; w
alki
ng to
the
fron
t doo
r is
hard
; say
ing
"hel
lo"
is h
ard.
For
tuna
tely
, the
re a
re
man
y sm
all w
ays
of p
erso
naliz
ing
the
serv
ice.
Cho
osin
g yo
ur o
wn
mus
ic h
as th
at e
ffec
t. M
y fa
ther
love
d th
e bi
g-ba
nd m
usic
of t
he f
ortie
s an
d fif
ties,
and
that
's w
hat w
e pl
ayed
at h
is f
uner
al. R
eadi
ng fr
om a
fa
vori
te b
ook
can
also
turn
a st
anda
rd s
ervi
ce in
to s
omet
hing
intim
ate
and
mov
ing.
At C
ari's
fune
ral,
we
read
from
The
Lit
tle
Pri
nce.
Oth
er m
ourn
ers
have
cho
sen
sele
ctio
ns ra
ngin
g fr
om T
.S. E
liot
's F
our
Qua
rtet
s to
poe
try
wri
tten
by th
e de
ceas
ed.
Hav
ing
a eu
logy
is a
n ex
celle
nt w
ay to
mak
e su
re th
e de
ceas
ed is
ref
lect
ed in
the
serv
ice.
"It
's im
po
rtan
t to
talk
abo
ut th
e pe
rson
," s
tate
s A
rchd
eaco
n M
urph
y. "
We
didn
't us
ed to
do
eulo
gies
. Tha
t's
chan
ging
. Peo
ple
wan
t to
mar
k th
e lif
e th
at h
as p
asse
d."
Mou
rner
s of
ten
feel
inc
apab
le o
f giv
ing
a eu
logy
them
selv
es, w
hich
is o
ne re
ason
why
mos
t of t
he
time,
the
cler
gy d
oes
it. B
ut y
ou m
ight
ask
a fr
iend
or r
elat
ive,
som
eone
who
had
a re
al r
elat
ions
hip
with
th
e de
ceas
ed, t
o sp
eak
a fe
w w
ords
. Tho
se p
erso
nal r
emin
isce
nces
are
goo
d to
hea
r at t
hat t
ime.
Ifi
t's
poss
ible
, you
mig
ht s
peak
a fe
w w
ords
you
rsel
f, as
Dia
ne 1
. Will
iam
s di
d at
her
cou
sin'
s fu
nera
l: O
n th
e da
y sh
e di
ed, L
aure
n's
pare
nts
aske
d m
e to
spe
ak. I
t sca
red
me-
-I'v
e ne
ver
spok
en li
ke th
at b
efor
e. I
talk
ed a
bout
how
Lau
ren
and
I bec
ame
frie
nds
over
a b
ox o
f cr
ayon
s an
d ho
w s
he li
ked
grue
som
e m
ovie
s, a
nd e
very
one
laug
hed.
I ta
lked
abo
ut th
e th
ree
days
Lau
ren
and
I spe
nt to
geth
er w
hen
my
brot
her g
ot m
arri
ed.
I was
gla
d I s
poke
bec
ause
mos
t of t
he ti
me,
nob
ody
wan
ts to
hea
r you
talk
abo
ut
som
eone
who
's d
ead.
It w
as a
reli
efto
say,
this
is w
hy I
love
d he
r, th
is is
why
I'm
goi
ng to
m
iss
her s
o m
uch.
Aft
erw
ard,
ther
e w
as a
n aw
kwar
d sp
ace
and
then
peo
ple
star
ted
com
ing
up a
nd in
trod
ucin
g th
emse
lves
to m
e an
d th
anki
ng m
e. I
t mad
e m
e fe
el g
ood.
A
t man
y fu
nera
ls to
day,
fri
ends
and
fam
ily m
embe
rs a
re in
vite
d to
sha
re a
necd
otes
abo
ut th
e de
ce
ased
. The
pic
ture
that
em
erge
s ca
n be
trem
endo
usly
mov
ing.
A
noth
er w
ay to
per
sona
lize
the
serv
ice
is to
inco
rpor
ate
phot
ogra
phs
into
the
surr
ound
ings
, pos
sibl
y by
pla
cing
them
aro
und
the
fune
ral c
hape
l or a
t the
gra
ve s
ite d
urin
g th
e bu
rial
ser
vice
. Or s
et u
p a
mem
orab
ilia
tabl
e fil
led
with
pho
togr
aphs
and
obj
ects
rem
inis
cent
oft
he d
ecea
sed-
thin
gs th
at c
an h
elp
the
livin
g fin
d w
ays
to ta
lk a
bout
the
dead
. T
echn
olog
y ha
s al
so a
ffec
ted
the
fune
ral
indu
stry
, and
som
e m
ay b
e su
rpri
sed
that
its
impa
ct h
as
been
bot
h po
sitiv
e an
d pe
rson
al. W
hen
my
frie
nd C
arol
Sha
mha
rt's
hus
band
, Val
Hum
phre
ys, d
ied
of
canc
er, s
he p
laye
d a
cass
ette
tape
in w
hich
he
talk
ed a
bout
his
impe
ndin
g de
ath.
I h
ardl
y kn
ew th
e m
an,
but I
sob
bed,
as
did
ever
yone
els
e.
Vid
eo d
ispl
ays
are
anot
her r
ecen
t inn
ovat
ion.
"A
vid
eo s
cree
n is
plac
ed in
fro
nt o
fthe
fune
ral
chap
el,"
stat
es W
illia
m H
ocke
r. "P
ictu
res o
f the
per
son
who
die
d, b
egin
ning
with
thei
r you
th a
nd c
on
tinui
ng th
roug
h th
eir m
arri
age
and
into
thei
r old
age
, are
fla
shed
on
the
scre
en in
ters
pers
ed w
ith s
cene
s fr
om th
e pe
rson
's a
rea
or h
is s
tate
. Not
hing
is s
aid
but m
usic
is p
laye
d. I
t can
be
terr
ibly
touc
hing
and
be
autif
ul. "
Pr
obab
ly th
e m
ost c
reat
ive
fune
rals
are
thos
e he
ld fo
r peo
ple
who
se d
eath
s w
ere
antic
ipat
ed, a
llow
in
g th
e dy
ing
pers
on to
mak
e sp
ecia
l req
uest
s an
d th
e m
ourn
ers
to p
lan
a pe
rson
aliz
ed fu
nera
l. In
som
e
138
• •
case
s, th
e re
ques
ts a
re v
ery
smal
l. Fo
r ins
tanc
e, H
arry
Ros
enzw
eig,
who
was
cha
irm
an o
fthe
Rep
ubli
can
Part
y in
Ari
zona
for o
ver f
ifte
en y
ears
, was
sur
pris
ed w
hen
he re
ad h
is w
ife
Sand
y's
will
aft
er sh
e di
ed. "
She
had
pic
ked
out e
ight
ver
y cl
ose
wom
en f
rien
ds to
be
her p
allb
eare
rs,"
he
said
. "T
he m
orti
cian
sai
d he
's n
ever
see
n th
at."
O
ccas
iona
lly, p
eopl
e ar
e ex
trao
rdin
arily
inve
ntiv
e. S
hort
ly b
efor
e hi
s ow
n de
ath,
Los
Ang
eles
art
ist
Ben
jam
in C
ole
atte
nded
the
fune
ral o
f a c
lose
frie
nd in
New
Orl
eans
who
die
d o
f AID
S: "
He
was
cre
m
ated
. His
frie
nd E
mily
mix
ed h
is a
shes
with
glit
ter a
nd c
onfe
tti a
nd e
very
one
got a
smal
l box
. The
n th
ey
had
a pa
rade
to th
e M
issi
ssip
pi R
iver
and
they
thre
w h
im in
." I
t's c
erta
inly
not
a tr
aditi
onal
ser
vice
; but
be
caus
e it
refl
ects
so
muc
h ab
out t
he d
ecea
sed,
it m
ust h
ave
been
incr
edib
ly m
ovin
g. A
nd s
urel
y th
ose
who
par
ticip
ated
mus
t hav
e fe
lt bo
th c
onne
cted
to th
e de
ceas
ed a
nd b
ound
to e
ach
othe
r.
ME
MO
RIA
L S
ER
VIC
ES
Man
y cu
lture
s, r
ecog
nizi
ng h
ow a
goni
zing
the
first
few
wee
ks o
f mou
rnin
g ar
e al
so h
old
anot
her c
er
emon
y a
few
wee
ks a
fter
the
fune
ral.
Tra
ditio
nally
, for
exa
mpl
e, th
e G
reek
Ort
hodo
x ha
ve a
fort
y-da
y ce
rem
ony,
as
do m
any
Mus
lims.
Cat
holic
ism
mar
ks th
e fir
st th
irty
day
s w
ith a
"M
onth
's M
ind
Mas
s,"
alth
ough
thos
e ar
e no
t as
prev
alen
t as
they
onc
e w
ere.
Our
dis
com
fort
with
dea
th h
as c
ause
d us
to tu
m
away
from
man
y o
f the
rel
igio
us o
bser
vanc
es th
at tr
aditi
onal
ly p
rovi
ded
a st
ruct
ure
for g
riev
ing
and
a w
ay o
f rel
easi
ng s
ome
of t
hose
feel
ings
. Se
cula
r mem
oria
l ser
vice
s, h
owev
er, o
ften
acc
ompl
ish
the
sam
e go
al o
f rec
ogni
zing
that
initi
al p
erio
d. W
eeks
or e
ven
mon
ths
afte
r the
fun
eral
, the
se s
ervi
ces
prov
ide
addi
tiona
l opp
ortu
nitie
s to
mak
e pe
rson
al g
estu
res,
to a
ckno
wle
dge
the
loss
, and
to c
onne
ct w
ith o
ther
mou
rner
s. "
I wen
t to
a m
emor
ial
serv
ice
for
Sam
Pec
kinp
ah,"
sta
tes
actr
ess
Mar
iette
Har
tley.
"Ja
son
Rob
ards
and
I h
ad n
ever
met
be
fore
, and
we
sobb
ed in
eac
h ot
her's
arm
s. I
t was
an
exte
nsio
n o
f our
live
s. M
emor
ial s
ervi
ces
are
vita
lly
impo
rtan
t bec
ause
you
're
surr
ound
ed b
y fr
iend
s, a
nd w
ords
are
spo
ken,
and
you
can
say
goo
d-by
e w
ith w
itnes
ses.
" B
ecau
se m
emor
ial s
ervi
ces
are
less
rigi
dly
stru
ctur
ed th
an fu
nera
ls, t
hey
can
be c
reat
ed in
a fo
rm th
e de
ceas
ed m
ight
hav
e ap
prec
iate
d. W
hen
twen
ty-n
ine-
year
-old
Ben
jam
in C
ole
died
of A
IDS,
his
be
reav
ed fr
iend
s he
ld a
mem
oria
l for
him
. One
oft
hem
told
us
abou
t tha
t eve
nt:
I atte
nded
a p
arty
for
Ben
jam
in. I
t was
dif
ficu
lt be
caus
e pe
ople
wer
e dr
unk
and
emo
tiona
l and
wee
ping
. The
bes
t par
t was
that
a fr
iend
of h
is m
ade
an in
cred
ible
alta
r, co
vere
d w
ith m
irro
rs a
nd c
andl
es a
nd, i
n th
e m
iddl
e, B
en's
han
d-pa
inte
d je
ans j
acke
t. Pe
ople
wer
e as
ked
to b
ring
pho
togr
aphs
and
item
s th
at b
elon
ged
to h
im a
nd to
pla
ce th
em o
n th
e al
tar.
Whe
n w
e le
ft, w
e w
ere
each
invi
ted
to ta
ke s
omet
hing
as
a m
emen
to.
Mem
oria
l ser
vice
s ca
n be
sm
all g
athe
ring
s at
whi
ch p
eopl
e si
mpl
y sh
are
mem
orie
s. "
I atte
nded
a
mem
oria
l ser
vice
for a
n ar
t tea
cher
who
had
ver
y de
vote
d st
uden
ts,"
a L
os A
ngel
es b
iogr
aphe
r sai
d. "
A
form
er s
tude
nt, a
col
leag
ue, a
chi
ldho
od f
rien
d-a
n o
ld m
an h
e gr
ew u
p w
ith-
-and
his
wif
e al
l spo
ke.
His
rec
ent a
rtw
ork
had
been
hun
g on
the
wal
ls, a
nd th
ere
was
a s
tron
g se
nse
of c
ompl
etio
n an
d w
hole
ne
ss a
bout
them
. The
ser
vice
real
ly w
as a
cel
ebra
tion
of h
is li
fe."
Hea
ring
that
stor
y re
min
ded
me
of t
he
one
regr
et w
e ha
d at
my
fath
er's
fune
ral,
whi
ch w
as th
at w
e ha
dn't
disp
laye
d hi
s ph
otog
raph
s. H
e w
as
a w
onde
rful
pho
togr
aphe
r. It
wou
ld h
ave
been
nic
e to
see
his
pic
ture
s at
the
fune
ral,
and
I bel
ieve
he
wou
ld h
ave
liked
the
gest
ure.
W
hen
the
dece
ased
had
a v
ery
wid
e ne
twor
k o
f fri
ends
and
acq
uain
tanc
es, m
emor
ial s
ervi
ces
can
prov
ide
a m
ore
publ
ic k
ind
of m
ourn
ing.
A fe
w m
onth
s af
ter h
is w
ife d
ied,
Ron
Ham
mes
rece
ived
a c
all
from
the
publ
ishi
ng h
ouse
whe
re s
he h
ad w
orke
d, a
skin
g hi
m to
take
par
t in
plan
ning
a m
emor
ial s
er
VIce
: I a
rran
ged
for a
ser
vice
to b
e he
ld a
t Bar
nard
Col
lege
, whe
re T
obi w
ent t
o sc
hool
. She
w
as v
ery
fond
of B
arna
rd. T
ryin
g to
do
it in
the
styl
e sh
e w
ould
hav
e lik
ed, I
had
it c
ater
ed
139
with
lots
of h
er fa
vori
te f
oods
. I o
rder
ed c
ham
pagn
e an
d ca
viar
. I g
ot in
touc
h w
ith a
you
ng
wom
an fr
om th
e M
anha
ttan
Scho
ol o
f Mus
ic w
ho c
ame
and
play
ed a
ll th
e w
onde
rful
son
gs
from
the
sixt
ies t
hat T
obi l
oved
so m
uch.
The
re w
ere
a fe
w s
peak
ers,
incl
udin
g re
pres
enta
tiv
es fr
om B
arna
rd a
nd B
anta
m, a
frie
nd o
fTob
i's w
ho h
as s
ince
die
d o
f AID
S, a
nd T
obi's
w
ritin
g te
ache
r, Jo
y C
hu, w
ho d
ied
only
a m
onth
or t
wo
late
r, an
d T
obi '
s si
ster
. I m
ade
a to
ast t
o T
obi '
s lif
e. O
ver t
hree
hun
dred
peo
ple
wer
e th
ere,
whi
ch I
felt
was
a w
onde
rful
tr
ibut
e to
Tob
i. Pe
ople
wan
ted
to k
now
wha
t to
do, a
nd I
ask
ed th
at c
ontr
ibut
ions
be
mad
e to
the
Am
eric
an F
ound
atio
n fo
r A
IDS
Res
earc
h. T
hat w
as th
e w
ay s
he w
ould
hav
e w
ante
d it.
AN
NIV
ER
SAR
Y R
ITU
AL
S T
he fi
rst a
nniv
ersa
ry o
fthe
dea
th is
reco
gniz
ed a
s im
port
ant i
n m
any
cultu
res.
The
loss
is s
till s
o fr
esh,
the
grie
f so
stro
ng. Y
et th
e de
sire
to m
ove
away
from
gri
evin
g an
d in
to th
e en
joym
ent o
flif
e is
als
o pr
esen
t. F
or th
at re
ason
, the
end
of t
he f
irst
yea
r is
ofte
n m
arke
d by
a ri
tual
obs
erva
nce
of s
ome
kind
. A
mon
g W
este
rn re
ligio
ns, J
udai
sm is
mos
t spe
cific
in it
s gu
idel
ines
for m
ourn
ing.
Eac
h da
y du
ring
th
e fi
rst y
ears
, mou
rner
s re
cite
the
Kad
dish
, a p
raye
r in
prai
se o
flif
e. O
n th
e an
nive
rsar
y, k
now
n as
Y
ahrz
eit,
a ca
ndle
is li
t and
the
Kad
dish
is s
aid.
Aft
erw
ard,
it is
no
long
er sp
oken
dai
ly. "
The
folk
trad
itio
n is
that
the
soul
now
find
s pe
ace,
" R
abbi
Lau
ra G
elle
r exp
lain
s. "
Ano
ther
way
to s
ee it
is th
at th
e so
ul n
eeds
you
to le
t go
of i
t. It
's n
ot ju
st fo
r the
mou
rner
s th
at th
ere
need
s to
be
a tim
e w
hen
mou
rnin
g is
less
inte
nse,
but
for t
he d
ead
pers
on a
s w
ell."
Fro
m th
en o
n, K
addi
sh is
spo
ken
only
on
cert
ain
high
ho
ly d
ays
and
on th
e an
nive
rsar
y-fo
r the
res
t of y
our l
ife. "
As
long
as
you'
re a
live
to s
ay K
addi
sh,
you'
re e
ffec
tivel
y sa
ying
in a
ritu
al w
ay th
at th
is re
latio
nshi
p co
ntin
ues,
" R
abbi
Gel
ler s
tate
s. "
It's
dif
fer
ent n
ow, b
ut it
nev
er e
nds.
" T
he fi
rst a
nniv
ersa
ry is
n't t
he o
nly
one
that
hur
ts. "
Gri
ef re
turn
s w
ith th
e re
volv
ing
year
," w
rote
the
poet
Per
cy B
yssh
e Sh
elle
y, a
nd h
e di
dn't
just
mea
n th
e fir
st y
ear;
it h
appe
ns e
very
yea
r for
a lo
ng, l
ong
time.
Tha
t's w
hy m
any
cultu
res
and
relig
ions
set
asi
de o
ne d
ay in
the
year
whe
n m
ourn
ers
can
take
spe
ci
al n
ote
ofth
e lo
sses
they
hav
e su
ffer
ed. I
n Ju
dais
m, s
peci
al s
ervi
ces
acco
mpa
ny Y
om K
ippu
r, th
e D
ay
of A
tone
men
t, th
e m
ost i
mpo
rtan
t day
in th
e Je
wis
h ye
ar. I
n C
atho
licis
m, o
n A
ll S
ouls
' Day
, Nov
embe
r 2,
the
nam
es o
ftho
se w
ho h
ave
died
are
read
alo
ud a
nd m
ourn
ers
light
can
dles
. Pos
sibl
y th
e m
ost e
xte
nsiv
e ye
arly
ritu
al is
a v
aria
tion
of A
ll S
ouls
' Day
: the
Mex
ican
Day
oft
he D
ead.
Pri
or to
the
actu
al
day,
peo
ple
crea
te a
ltars
at h
ome
feat
urin
g ph
otog
raph
s, fl
ower
s, c
akes
, can
dles
, and
the
favo
rite
foo
ds
of t
he d
ecea
sed.
Mem
ento
mor
i, in
clud
ing
little
toy
skel
eton
s doi
ng e
very
thin
g fr
om p
layi
ng in
mar
iach
i ba
nds
to g
ettin
g m
arri
ed, a
re U
biqu
itous
. On
the
Day
of t
he D
ead,
peo
ple
spen
d th
e ni
ght a
t the
cem
et
ery,
dan
cing
, eat
ing,
dri
nkin
g, a
nd o
ffer
ing
cand
y sk
ulls
and
cof
fins
to th
eir d
ead
rela
tives
and
frie
nds.
T
he id
ea is
not
to d
wel
l on
deat
h in
a m
orbi
d w
ay b
ut to
dem
ystif
y it,
to a
llow
mou
rner
s to
thin
k ab
out
deat
h in
a g
ener
al w
ay, t
o re
mem
ber t
he p
artic
ular
dea
ths
in th
eir o
wn
lives
, to
grie
ve, a
nd to
mov
e on
. T
hose
ritu
al a
ckno
wle
dgm
ents
ser
ve th
e ps
ycho
logi
cal p
urpo
se o
f rec
ogni
zing
the
cont
inue
d gr
ief
that
mou
rner
s m
ay fe
el. T
hose
feel
ings
are
mos
t lik
ely
to a
rise
on
the
anni
vers
ary:
the
anni
vers
ary
syn
drom
e ca
n ev
en a
ffec
t peo
ple
who
do
not c
onsc
ious
ly re
mem
ber t
he d
ate.
Som
e ye
ars
are
mor
e di
ffi
cult
than
oth
ers.
One
yea
r whe
n I w
as f
eelin
g pa
rtic
ular
ly s
ad a
bout
Car
i and
was
far f
rom
the
cem
eter
y w
here
she
is b
urie
d, m
y fr
iend
Mic
hael
Bis
sonn
ette
and
I b
ough
t a b
ouqu
et o
f ros
es, w
alke
d to
the
beac
h, a
nd to
ssed
them
into
the
ocea
n. S
ymbo
lic g
estu
res
like
that
can
pro
vide
pow
erfu
l rel
ease
and
a
grea
t dea
l of c
omfo
rt th
at g
oes
beyo
nd w
hat y
ou m
ight
gai
n fr
om c
ryin
g on
you
r bed
(alth
ough
that
's
also
som
ethi
ng y
ou s
houl
d al
low
you
rsel
fto
do).
By
actin
g on
you
r sor
row
, you
beg
in to
rel
ease
it.
140
Bib
liog
raph
y
Allo
di F
. T
he c
hild
ren
of v
ictim
s o
f pol
itica
l per
secu
tion
and
tort
ure:
A p
sych
olog
ical
stu
dy o
f a
Lat
in A
mer
ican
ref
ugee
com
mun
ity.
Inte
rnat
iona
l Jou
rnal
~rMental H
ealt
h 19
89,
18: 3
-15.
A
ltsh
uler
JL
, Rub
le O
N.
Dev
elop
men
tal
chan
ges
in c
hild
ren'
s aw
aren
ess
of s
trat
egie
s fo
r co
ping
wit
h un
cont
roll
able
str
ess.
C
hild
Dev
elop
men
t 19
89, 6
0: 1
337-
1349
. A
ntho
ny S
. Th
e C
hild
ren
s Dis
cove
ry ~fDeath.
New
Yor
k: H
arco
urt,
Bra
ce,
1940
. A
pple
baum
DR
, B
ums
GL
. U
nexp
ecte
d ch
ildh
ood
deat
h: P
ost-
trau
mat
ic s
tres
s di
sord
er in
su
rviv
ing
sibl
ings
and
par
ents
. Jo
urna
l ~r C
lini
cal
Chi
ld P
sych
olog
y 19
91, 2
0: 1
14-1
20.
Arm
swor
th M
W, H
olad
ay M
. T
he e
ffec
ts o
f psy
chol
ogic
al tr
aum
a on
chi
ldre
n an
d ad
oles
ce
nts.
Jou
rnal
~rCounseling a
nd D
evel
opm
ent
1993
, 71
(4):
49-
56.
Bal
k D
. E
ffec
ts o
f sib
ling
dea
th o
n te
enag
ers.
Jou
rnal
of S
choo
l Hea
lth
1983
,53:
14-
18
Ban
d E
B,
Wei
sz J
R.
How
to f
eel
bett
er w
hen
it fe
els
bad:
C
hild
ren'
s pe
rspe
ctiv
es o
n co
ping
w
ith
ever
yday
str
ess.
D
evel
opm
enta
l Psy
chol
ogy
1988
,24:
247-
253.
B
ened
ek E
D.
Chi
ldre
n an
d di
sast
er:
Em
ergi
ng i
ssue
s.
Psy
chia
tric
Ann
als
1985
, 15
: 168
-172
. B
erli
ner L
, B
arbi
eri
MK
. T
he t
esti
mon
y o
f the
chi
ld v
icti
m o
f sex
ual
assa
ult.
Jour
nal ~
r
Soci
all')
sues
19
84,
40(2
): 1
25-1
37.
__
-',
Con
te J
R.
The
pro
cess
of v
icti
miz
atio
n: T
he v
icti
m's
per
spec
tive
. C
hild
Abu
se
and
Neg
lect
19
90,
14:
29-4
0.
Ber
zons
ky M
D.
A p
reli
min
ary
inve
stig
atio
n o
f chi
ldre
n's
conc
epti
on o
flif
e an
d de
ath.
M
erri
ll-P
alm
er Q
uart
erly
19
87,3
3: 5
05-5
13.
Bir
bace
R,
Wal
sh M
E.
(eds
).
New
Dir
ecti
onsf
or C
hild
Dev
elop
men
t:
Chi
ldre
n 50
Con
cep
tion
s ~r H
ealth
, Il
lnes
s an
d B
odil
y F
unct
ion.
Sa
n F
ranc
isco
: Jo
ssey
-Bas
s, 1
981.
B
loom
GE
. A
sch
ool d
isast
er-
Inte
rven
tion
and
res
earc
h as
pect
s. J
ourn
al ~rthe A
mer
ican
A
cade
my
of C
hild
Psy
chia
try
1986
,25:
336
-345
. B
owlb
y J.
G
rief
and
mou
rnin
g in
inf
ancy
and
ear
ly c
hild
hood
. P
sych
oana
lyti
c St
udy ~rth
e
Chi
ld
1960
, 15
: 9-
52.
__
_ . C
hild
hood
mou
rnin
g an
d it
s im
plic
atio
ns f
or p
sych
iatr
y. A
mer
ican
Jou
rnal
of
P.\:
vchi
atry
19
61,
18:
481-
498.
_
__
. P
roce
sses
of m
ourn
ing.
Int
erna
tion
al J
ourn
al o
f Psy
choa
naly
sis
1961
,44:
317
. _
__
. Att
achm
ent a
nd L
oss:
Vol
. 3.
Los
s, S
adne
ss a
nd D
epre
ssio
n.
New
Yor
k: B
asic
B
ooks
, 19
80.
__
-,'
On
know
ing
wha
t you
are
not
sup
pose
d to
kno
w a
nd f
eelin
g w
hat y
ou a
re n
ot s
uppo
sed
to f
eel.
Can
adia
n Jo
urna
l of P
sych
iatr
y 19
79; 2
4: 4
03-4
08.
Boy
d-W
ebb
N.
(ed)
. P
lay
The
rapy
with
Chi
ldre
n in
Cri
sis.
N
ew Y
ork,
Gui
lfor
d P
ress
, 19
91.
Bra
dbur
n IS
. A
fter
the
eart
h sh
ook:
Chi
ldre
n's
stre
ss s
ympt
oms
6-8
mon
ths
afte
r a
disa
ster
. A
dvan
ces
in B
ehav
ior
Res
earc
h an
d Th
erap
y 19
91,1
3: 1
73-1
79.
Bra
ssar
d M
R,
Ger
mai
n R
, H
art
SN.
Psy
chol
ogic
al M
altr
eatm
ent ~r
Chii
dren
an
d Y
outh
. N
ew Y
ork:
Per
gam
on,
1987
. B
rodk
in A
M,
Ter
r L
. C
hild
hood
tra
uma.
In
stru
ctor
19
92,
101
(8):
23-2
4.
Bur
key
J, B
orus
J, B
ums
B, M
ills
tein
K,
Bea
slet
M.
Cha
nges
in c
hild
ren'
s be
havi
or a
fter
a
natu
ral
disa
ster
. A
mer
ican
Jou
rnal
~f'Psychiatry
1982
, 13
9: 1
010-
1014
. C
arls
on B
E.
Chi
ldre
n's
obse
rvat
ions
of i
nter
pare
ntal
vio
lenc
e. I
n R
ober
ts A
R. (
ed).
Bat
tere
d W
omen
an
d T
heir
Fam
ilie
s: I
nter
vent
ion
Stra
tegi
es a
nd T
reat
men
t Pro
gram
s.
New
Yor
k:
Spr
inge
r, 1
984:
147
-167
.
141
Car
pent
er B
. (ed
). P
erso
nal C
opin
g: T
heor
y. R
esea
rch
and
App
lica
tion
. N
ew Y
ork:
Pra
eger
, 19
92. Car
ter
SR.
Use
of p
uppe
ts to
tre
at tr
aum
atic
gri
ef:
A c
ase
stud
y. E
lem
enta
ry S
choo
l Gui
danc
e a
nd
Cou
nsel
ing
1987
,21
(3):
210
-15.
C
sapo
M.
Pos
t-tr
aum
atic
str
ess
diso
rder
in c
hild
ren:
R
ecog
niti
on o
f beh
avio
ral
sign
s. B
riti
sh
Col
umbi
a Jo
urna
l o
f Spe
cial
Edu
cati
on
1991
, 15
(2):
111
-126
. C
eci
SJ,
Tog
lia
MP,
Ros
s D
F.
Chi
ldre
n: ..
Eye
wit
ness
Mem
ory.
N
ew Y
ork:
Spr
inge
r-V
erla
g,
1987
. Chi
ldre
ss P
, Wim
mer
M.
The
con
cept
of d
eath
in e
arly
chi
ldho
od.
Chi
ldho
od D
evel
opm
ent
1971
, 41:
129
9-13
01.
Chi
lds-
Gow
ell,
Ela
ine.
Goo
d G
rief
Rit
uals
. B
arry
tow
n, N
Y:
Sta
tion
Pre
ss,
1992
. C
him
ient
i G
, Nas
r JA
, K
hali
feh
I. C
hild
ren'
s re
acti
ons
to w
ar-r
elat
ed s
tres
s. S
ocia
l Psy
chia
tr
y a
nd
Psy
chia
tric
Epi
dem
iolo
gy
1989
,26:
282
-287
. C
layt
on P
, Des
mar
alis
L, W
inok
ur G
. A
stu
dy o
fno
nn
al b
erea
vem
ent.
Am
eric
an J
ourn
al ~l
Psy
chia
try
1968
, 12
5(2)
: 16
8-17
8 C
ompa
s B
E.
Cop
ing
wit
h st
ress
dur
ing
chil
dhoo
d an
d ad
oles
cenc
e. P
,\ych
olog
ical
Bul
leti
n 19
87,1
01:
393-
403.
_
__
, Mal
carn
e V
L,
Fon
daca
ro K
M.
Cop
ing
wit
h st
ress
ful
even
ts in
old
er c
hild
ren
and
youn
ger
adol
esce
nts.
Jo
urna
l ~l C
onsu
ltin
g an
d C
lini
cal
Psy
chol
ogy
1988
, 56
:405
-411
. _
_ -" H
owel
l DC
, Pha
res
V, W
illia
ms
RA
, Led
oux
N.
Pare
nt a
nd c
hild
str
ess
and
sym
ptom
s:
An
inte
grat
ive
anal
ysis
. D
evel
opm
enta
l Psy
chol
ogy
1989
,550
-559
. _
_ --
', B
anez
GA
, M
alca
rne
VL
, W
orsh
am N
. P
erce
ived
con
trol
and
cop
ing
wit
h st
ress
: A
de
velo
pmen
tal
pers
pect
ive.
Jo
urna
l ~lSocial I
ssue
s 19
91,4
7: 2
3-34
. C
orr
CA
. T
each
ing
a C
olle
ge C
ours
e on
Chi
ldre
n an
d D
eath
-A
13
Yea
r R
epor
t. D
eath
St
udie
s 19
92,
16(4
): 3
43-3
56.
Cot
ton
CR
, Ran
ge L
M.
Chi
ldre
n's
deat
h co
ncep
ts:
Rel
atio
nshi
p to
cog
niti
ve f
unct
ioni
ng,
age,
ex
peri
ence
wit
h de
ath,
fea
r o
f dea
th,
and
hope
less
ness
. Jo
urna
l ~f
Clin
ical
Chi
ld P
sych
olog
y 19
90,
19:
123-
127.
C
rens
haw
, Dav
id A
. B
erea
vem
ent:
Cou
nsel
ing
the
Gri
evin
g th
roug
hout
the
Lif
e C
ycle
. N
ew Y
ork,
N
Y: C
ross
road
Pub
lishi
ng,
1995
. C
urry
SL
, Rus
s S.
Id
enti
fyin
g co
ping
str
ateg
ies
in c
hild
ren.
Jou
rnal
~fC
lini
cal
Chi
ld P
sy
chol
ogy
1985
,14:
61-
69.
Dav
ies
B. T
he f
amil
y en
viro
nmen
t in
bere
aved
fam
ilie
s an
d its
rel
atio
nshi
p to
sur
vivi
ng s
ibli
ng
beha
vior
. C
hild
ren s H
ealt
h C
are
1988
, 17
: 22
-31.
D
avis
GC
, Bre
slau
N.
Pos
ttra
umat
ic s
tres
s di
sord
er in
vic
tim
s o
f civ
ilia
n tr
aum
a an
d cr
imin
al
viol
ence
. P
sych
iatr
ic C
lini
cs o
f Nor
th A
mer
ica
1994
, 17
(2):
289
-299
. D
awes
A, T
redo
ux C
, Fei
nste
in A
. P
olit
ical
vio
lenc
e in
Sou
th A
fric
a:
Som
e ef
fect
s on
ch
ildr
en o
f the
vio
lent
des
truc
tion
of t
heir
com
mun
ity.
In
tern
atio
nal J
ourn
al ~f M
enta
l H
ealt
h 19
89,
18:
16-4
3.
Dey
oung
M,
Cor
bin
BA
. H
elpi
ng e
arly
ado
lesc
ents
tell
-A
gui
ded
exer
cise
for
trau
ma
focu
sed
sexu
al a
buse
tre
atm
ent g
roup
s.
Chi
ld W
elfa
re
1994
, 73(
2):
141-
154.
D
ietr
ich
D, S
haba
d P
(eds
). T
he P
robl
em o
f Los
s an
d M
ourn
ing:
Psy
choa
naly
tic
Per
spec
ti
ves.
N
ew Y
ork:
Int
erna
tion
al U
nive
rsit
y Pr
ess,
198
8.
Dok
a K
J. (
ed).
D
isel
?fra
nchi
sed
Gri
el
Lex
ingt
on,
MA
: L
exin
gton
Boo
ks,
1989
. D
olli
nger
S1.
The
nee
d fo
r m
eani
ng f
ollo
win
g di
sast
er:
Att
ribu
tion
s an
d em
otio
nal u
pset
. P
erso
nali
ty a
nd
Soc
ial P
sych
olog
y B
ulle
tin
1986
, 12
: 30
0-31
0.
142
•
__
_ " O
n th
e va
riet
ies
of c
hild
hood
sle
ep d
istu
rban
ce.
Jour
nal o
/Cli
nica
l Chi
ld P
sych
olog
y 19
82,1
1: 1
07-1
15.
__
~. L
ight
ning
-str
ike
disa
ster
am
ong
child
ren.
Bri
tish
Jour
nal o
.lMed
ical
Psy
chol
ogy
1985
,58:
375
-383
. _
__
" T
he m
easu
rem
ent o
f chi
ldre
n's
slee
p di
stur
banc
es a
nd s
omat
ic c
ompl
aint
s fo
llow
ing
a di
sast
er.
Chi
ld P
sych
iatr
y an
d H
uman
Dev
elop
men
t 19
86,
16:
148-
153.
_
_ -',
Cra
mer
P.
Chi
ldre
n's
defe
nsiv
e re
spon
ses
and
emot
iona
l up
set f
ollo
win
g a
disa
ster
: A
pro
ject
ass
essm
ent.
Jou
rnal
o.l
Per
sona
lity
Ass
essm
ent
1990
, 54:
116
-127
. _
__
, O'D
onne
ll J
P, S
tale
y A
A.
Lig
htni
ng s
trik
e di
sast
er:
Eff
ects
on
chil
dren
's f
ears
and
w
orri
es.
Jour
nal
o.l C
onsu
ltin
g an
d C
lini
cal
Psy
chol
ogy
1984
, 52:
102
8-10
38.
Ear
l W
L.
Per
ceiv
ed t
raum
a: I
ts e
tiol
ogy
and
trea
tmen
t. A
dole
scen
ce
1991
, 26:
97-
104.
E
arls
F, S
mit
h E
, Rei
ch W
, Jun
g K
G.
Inve
stig
atin
g ps
ycho
path
olog
ical
con
sequ
ence
s o
f a
disa
ster
in c
hild
ren:
A
pil
ot s
tudy
inco
rpor
atin
g a
stru
ctur
ed d
iagn
osis
app
roac
h. J
ourn
alo.
lthe
A
mer
ican
Aca
dem
y 0/
Chi
ld a
nd
Ado
lesc
ent P
sych
iatr
y 19
88, 2
7: 9
0-95
. E
ggin
gton
J.
Day
o.lF
ury.
N
ew Y
ork:
Mor
row
, 19
91.
Eli
zur
E, K
aufm
an M
. F
acto
rs in
flue
ncin
g th
e se
veri
ty o
f chi
ldho
od b
erea
vem
ent r
eact
ions
. A
mer
ican
Jou
rnal
o.l
Ort
hops
ychi
atry
19
83,5
3: 6
68-6
76.
Ell
is P
L,
Per
sma
HL
, G
rays
on C
Eo
Inte
rrup
ting
the
reen
actm
ent c
ycle
. A
mer
ican
Jou
rnal
o.l
P.~ychothera
py
1990
,44(
4):
525-
535.
E
th S
, P
ynoo
s R
S. (
eds)
. P
ostt
raum
atic
Str
ess
Dis
orde
r in
Chi
ldre
n.
Was
hing
ton,
DC
: A
mer
ican
Psy
chia
tric
Pre
ss,
1985
. E
vers
tine
DS,
Eve
rsti
ne L
. Se
xual
Tra
uma
In C
hild
ren
and
Ado
lesc
ents
. N
ew Y
ork:
B
runn
er/M
azel
, 19
89.
Fam
ular
o R
, K
insc
herf
fR, F
ento
n T.
S
ympt
om d
iffe
renc
es in
acu
te a
nd c
hron
ic p
rese
ntat
ion
of c
hild
hood
pos
t-tr
aum
atic
str
ess
diso
rder
. C
hild
Abu
se a
nd N
egle
ct
1990
, 14
: 43
9-44
4.
Far
bero
w N
L,
Gor
don
NS.
M
an
ua
lfo
r C
hild
Hea
lth
Wor
kers
in
Maj
or D
isas
ters
. R
ockv
ille
, M
D:
Nat
iona
l In
stit
ute
of M
enta
l H
ealt
h, 1
986.
F
arre
lly
J, J
osep
h A
. E
xpre
ssiv
e th
erap
ies
in a
cri
sis
inte
rven
tion
ser
vice
. Th
e A
rts
in P
sych
o-th
erap
y 19
91,1
8: 1
31-1
37.
Fig
ley
CR
. Tr
aum
a an
d it
s W
ake.
New
Yor
k:B
runn
er/M
azel
, 19
85.
__
_ ,. H
elpi
ng T
raum
atiz
ed F
amil
ies.
Sa
n F
ranc
isco
: Jo
ssey
-Bas
s, 1
989.
F
itzg
eral
d, H
elen
. Th
e G
riev
ing
Chi
ld:
A Parent:~
Gui
de.
New
Yor
k, N
Y:
Sim
on &
S
chus
ter,
199
2.
__
_ .
The
Mou
rnin
g H
andb
ook.
N
ew Y
ork,
NY
: S
imon
& S
chus
ter,
199
4.
Flo
rian
V, K
rave
tz S
. C
hild
ren'
s co
ncep
ts o
f dea
th:
A c
ross
-cul
tura
l co
mpa
riso
n am
ong
Mus
lim
s, D
ruze
, Chr
isti
ans
and
Jew
s in
Isr
ael.
Jour
nal o
.lC
ross
-cul
tura
l Psy
chol
ogy
1985
, 16
: 17
4-18
9.
Fox
SS.
G
ood
Gri
ef:
Hel
ping
Gro
ups
o./T
hild
ren
Whe
n a
Fri
end
Die
s.
Bos
ton,
MA
: N
ew
Eng
land
Ass
ocia
tion
for
the
Edu
cati
on o
f You
ng C
hild
ren,
198
5.
Fre
deri
ck C
J.
Eff
ects
of n
atur
al v
ersu
s hu
man
ind
uced
vio
lenc
e up
on v
icti
ms.
Eva
luat
ion
an
d C
hang
e 19
80, S
peci
al I
ssue
: 71
-75
Fri
edri
ch W
N.
Psy
chot
hera
py o
.lSe
xual
ly A
buse
d C
hild
ren
and
The
ir F
amil
ies.
N
ew Y
ork:
W
.W.
Nor
ton,
199
0.
Fry,
Vir
gini
a L
ynn.
P
art o
.lM
e D
ied,
Too
. N
ew Y
ork,
NY
: D
utto
n C
hild
ren'
s B
ooks
, 19
95.
Fur
man
E.
A Chi
ld:~
Par
ent
Die
s: S
tudi
es in
Chi
ldho
od B
erea
vem
ent.
New
Hav
en:
Yal
e U
nive
rsit
y P
ress
, 19
74.
143
Fur
man
, RA
. The
Chi
ld a
nd
his
Fam
ily:
Th
e Im
pact
qfD
isea
se a
nd
Dea
th.
New
Yor
k: W
iley,
19
73;
225-
231.
F
urst
SS.
P
sych
ic T
raum
a.
New
Yor
k: B
asic
Boo
ks,
1967
. G
affn
ey D
A.
The
Seas
ons
q{G
rief
Hel
ping
Chi
ldre
n G
row
Thr
ough
Los
s. N
ew Y
ork:
Plu
me,
19
88. Gal
ente
R,
Foa
D.
An
epid
emio
logi
cal s
tudy
of p
sych
ic tr
aum
a an
d tr
eatm
ent e
ffec
tive
ness
fo
r ch
ildr
en a
fter
a n
atur
al d
isas
ter.
Jou
rnal
q/'t
he A
mer
ican
Aca
dem
y C
hild
an
d A
dole
scen
t P
sych
iatr
y 19
86, 2
5: 3
57-3
63.
c
Gam
pel
Y.
Fac
ing
war
, mur
der,
tor
ture
, and
dea
th i
n la
tenc
y.
Psy
choa
naly
tic
Rev
iew
19
88,
75:
499-
509.
G
arba
rino
J.
Chi
ldre
n in
Dan
ger:
Cop
ing
with
the
Con
sequ
ence
s q{
Com
mun
ity
Vio
lenc
e.
San
Fra
ncis
co, C
A:
Joss
ey-B
ass,
199
2.
Gar
bari
no J
, Gut
tman
E,
See
ley
JW.
The
Psy
chol
ogic
al(v
Bat
tere
d C
hild
. S
an F
ranc
isco
, C
A:
Joss
ey-B
ass,
198
6.
Gar
fink
el B
D, C
arls
on G
A, W
elle
r E
B.
(eds
).
Psv
chia
tric
Dis
orde
rs in
Chi
ldre
n a
nd
Ado
les
cent
s.
Phi
lade
lphi
a: W
.B.
Sau
nder
s, 1
990.
_
_ -" K
oste
lny
K,
Dub
row
N.
Wha
t chi
ldre
n ca
n te
ll us
abo
ut li
ving
in d
ange
r. A
mer
ican
P
sych
olog
ist.
19
91,4
6(4)
: 37
6-38
3.
Gan
nezy
N,
Rut
ter
M.
(eds
).
Stre
ss,
Cop
ing,
and
Dev
elop
men
t in
Chi
ldho
od.
New
Yor
k:
McG
raw
-Hil
l,19
83.
__
_ , M
aste
n A
S, T
elle
gen
A.
The
stu
dy o
f str
ess
and
com
pete
nce
in c
hild
ren:
A
bui
ld
ing
bloc
k fo
r de
velo
pmen
tal
psyc
hopa
thol
ogy.
Chi
ld D
evel
opm
ent
1984
,55:
97-
111.
•
__
_ .
Chi
ldre
n un
der
seve
re s
tres
s:
Cri
tiqu
e an
d co
mm
enta
ry.
Jour
nal q
fth
e A
mer
ican
A
cade
my
q{C
hii
d P
sych
iatr
y 19
86,2
5: 3
84-3
92.
Gil
E.
The
Hea
ling
Pow
er q
{ Pla
y:
Wor
king
with
Abu
sed
Chi
ldre
n.
New
Yor
k: G
uilf
ord,
•
1991
. Gol
dber
ger
L,
Bre
znit
z S.
(ed
s).
Han
dboo
k qf
Stre
ss:
The
oret
ical
and
Cli
nica
l Asp
ects
. N
ew Y
ork:
Fre
e P
ress
, 19
82.
Gol
dman
, L
inda
. L!
{e a
nd
Los
s: A
Gui
de to
Hel
p G
riev
ing
Chi
ldre
n.
Mun
cie,
IN
: A
ccel
er
ated
Dev
elop
men
t, C
orp.
, 19
94.
Gom
es-S
chw
artz
B,
Hor
owit
z JM
, S
auzi
er M
. S
ever
ity
of e
mot
iona
l dis
tres
s am
ong
sexu
ally
ab
used
pre
scho
ol, s
choo
l-ag
e, a
nd a
dole
scen
t chi
ldre
n. H
ospi
tal a
nd C
omm
unit
y P
sych
iatr
y 19
85,
36:
503-
508.
G
reen
A.
Dim
ensi
ons
of p
sych
olog
ical
trau
ma
in a
buse
d ch
ildre
n. J
ourn
al q
fAm
eric
an A
cade
my
q{C
hiid
Psy
chia
try
1983
,22:
231
-237
. G
uest
, Ant
hony
. A
Lit
tle
Boo
k q{
Com
fort
. L
ondo
n: H
arpe
r C
olli
ns, M
arsh
all
Pic
keri
ng
Pres
s, 1
995.
H
andf
ord
H, M
ayes
S, M
attis
on R
, Hum
phre
y F,
Bag
nato
r S, B
ixle
r E, K
ales
J. C
hild
and
par
ent
reac
tion
to th
e T
hree
Mil
e Is
land
nuc
lear
acc
iden
t. Jo
urna
l q{t
he A
mer
ican
Aca
dem
y q
fCh
iid
P
sych
iatr
y 19
86,2
5: 3
46-3
56.
Har
riso
n SI
, D
aven
port
CW
, M
cDen
nott
JF.
C
hild
ren'
s re
acti
ons
to b
erea
vem
ent.
Arc
hive
s q{
Gen
eral
Psy
chia
try
1967
, 17
: 59
3-59
7.
Har
tman
CR
, B
urge
ss A
W.
Info
nnat
ion
proc
essi
ng o
f tra
uma:
C
ase
appl
icat
ion
ofa
mod
el.
Jour
nal
qf1n
terp
erso
nal
Vio
lenc
e 19
88,
3: 4
43-4
57.
Har
tman
E,
Rus
s D
, Old
fiel
d M
, S
ivan
I, C
oope
r S.
W
ho h
as n
ight
mar
es?
Arc
hive
s q{
G
ener
al P
sych
iatr
y 19
87,4
4: 4
9-56
.
144
Haa
sl,
Bet
h, a
nd M
amoc
ha, J
ean.
Ber
eave
men
t Sup
port
Gro
up P
rogr
amfo
r C
hild
ren:
Par
tici
pa
nt W
orkb
ook.
M
unci
e, I
N:
Acc
eler
ated
Dev
elop
men
t, I
nc.,
1992
. H
arri
s, M
axin
e.
The
Los
s Th
at I
s F
orev
er.
New
Yor
k, N
Y:
Dut
ton,
Pen
guin
Pub
lish
ing,
19
95. Her
man
JL
. Tr
aum
a an
d R
ecov
ery.
New
Yor
k: B
asic
Boo
ks,
1992
. H
icks
on J
. C
hild
ren
at w
ar.
Ele
men
tary
Sch
ool
Gui
danc
e a
nd
Cou
nsel
ing
1992
,26(
4):
259-
268.
Hof
fman
ML
. D
evel
opm
ent o
f mor
al t
houg
ht,
feel
ing,
and
beh
avio
r. A
mer
ican
Psy
chol
ogy
1979
, 34
: 95
8-96
6.
Hof
fman
S,
Str
auss
S.
The
dev
elop
men
t o
f chi
ldre
n's
conc
epts
of d
eath
. D
eath
Stu
dies
19
85,
9: 4
69-4
82.
Hou
gh R
L, V
ega
W, V
alle
R,
Kol
ody
B, d
el C
asti
llo
RG
, T
arke
H.
Men
tal
heal
th c
onse
qu
ence
s o
f the
San
Ysi
dro
McD
onal
d's
mas
sacr
e: A
com
mun
ity
stud
y.
jour
nalo
.fT
raum
atic
St
ress
19
89,3
: 71
-92.
H
ul C
H,
Cha
n IS
, Cha
n S.
D
eath
cog
niti
on a
mon
g C
hine
se te
enag
ers:
Bel
iefs
abo
ut th
e co
nseq
uenc
es o
f dea
th.
jou
rna
l o.f
Res
earc
h in
Per
sona
lity
19
89,2
3: 9
9-11
7.
Hor
owit
z M
J. A
mod
el o
f mou
rnin
g: c
hang
e in
sch
emas
ofs
elfa
nd
oth
ers.
jou
rnal
o.ft
he A
mer
ica
n M
edic
al A
ssoc
iati
on.
__
_ . K
rupn
ick
J. K
altr
eide
r N
. W
ilne
r N
. L
eong
A.
Mar
nl0r
C.
Init
ial
psyc
holo
gica
l re
spon
se t
o pa
rent
dea
th.
Arc
hive
s rt
f Gen
eral
Psy
chia
try
1981
,38:
316
-323
. Ja
mes
B.
Tre
atin
g T
raum
atiz
ed C
hild
ren:
N
ew I
nsig
hts
an
d C
reat
ive
Inte
rven
tion
s.
Lex
ing
ton,
MA
: L
exin
gton
Boo
ks,
1989
. Ja
noff
-Bul
man
R.
Ass
umpt
ive
wor
lds
and
the
stre
ss o
f tra
umat
ic e
vent
s. S
ocia
l C
ogni
tion
19
89,
7: 1
13-1
36.
__
_ .
Shat
tere
d A
ssum
ptio
ns:
Tow
ards
a N
ew P
sych
olog
y rt
f Tra
uma.
N
ew Y
ork:
Fre
e P
ress
, 19
92.
Jew
ett
CL
. H
elpi
ng C
hild
ren
Cop
e w
ith S
epar
atio
n an
d L
oss.
H
arva
rd,
MA
: H
arva
rd
Com
mon
Pre
ss,
1982
. Jo
hnso
n K
. Tr
aum
a in
the
Liv
es r
tf C
hild
ren:
C
risi
s an
d St
ress
Man
agem
ent
Tec
hniq
uesf
or
Cou
nsel
ors
an
d O
ther
Pro
fess
iona
ls.
Cla
rem
ont,
CA
: H
unte
r H
ouse
, 19
89.
John
son
MK
, Fol
ey M
A.
Dif
fere
ntia
ting
fac
t fr
om f
anta
sy:
the
reli
abil
ity
of c
hild
ren'
s m
emor
y.
jou
rna
l rtf
Soc
ial
Issu
es
1984
,40:
33-
50.
John
son
S, M
aile
LJ.
Su
icid
e an
d th
e Sc
hool
s:
A H
andb
ookf
or P
reve
ntio
n, I
nter
vent
ion,
a
nd
Reh
abil
itat
ion.
S
prin
gfie
ld,
IL:
Tho
mas
, 19
87.
Jone
s R
T, R
ibbe
DP.
Chi
ld, a
dole
scen
t, a
nd a
dult
vic
tim
s o
f res
iden
tial
fir
e: P
sych
osoc
ial
cons
eque
nces
. B
ehav
ior
Mod
!fic
atio
n 19
91,
15:
560-
580.
K
affm
an N
, Eli
zur E
. B
erea
vem
ent r
espo
nses
of k
ibbu
tz a
nd n
on-k
ibbu
tz c
hild
ren
foll
owin
g th
e de
ath
of t
he f
athe
r. j
ou
rna
l rtf
Chi
ld P
sych
olog
y a
nd
P.\:
vchi
atry
19
83,2
4: 2
90-2
99.
Kan
e, B
. C
hild
ren'
s co
ncep
ts o
f dea
th.
jour
nal r
tf G
enet
ic P
sych
olog
y 19
79,
13:
141-
153.
K
elle
r PA
, H
eym
an S
R.
(eds
).
Inno
vati
ons
in C
lini
cal P
ract
ice:
A S
ourc
e B
ook
(Vol
. 10
). S
aras
ota,
FL
: P
rofe
ssio
nal
Res
ourc
e E
xcha
nge,
199
1.
Kin
zie
JD,
Sac
k W
H, A
ngel
l R
H,
Man
son
S, R
ath
B.
The
psy
chia
tric
eff
ects
of m
assi
ve
trau
ma
on C
ambo
dian
chi
ldre
n.
jou
rna
l (?f
"the
Am
eric
an A
cade
my
rtlC
hild
P,\:
ychi
atry
19
86,
25(3
): 3
70-3
76.
Kis
er L
J, A
cker
man
BJ,
Bro
wn
E,
Edw
ards
NB
, M
cCol
gan
E,
Pug
h R
, P
ruit
t D
B.
Pos
ttr
aum
atic
str
ess
diso
rder
in y
oung
chi
ldre
n:
A r
eact
ion
to p
urpo
rted
sex
ual
abus
e.
jou
rna
l of t
he
Am
eric
an A
cade
my
rtf C
hild
an
d A
dole
scen
t Psy
chia
try
1988
,27(
5):
645-
649.
145
Klin
gman
A.
Pers
uasi
ve c
omm
unic
atio
n in
avo
idan
ce b
ehav
ior:
Usi
ng ro
le s
imul
atio
n as
a s
trat
egy.
Si
mul
atio
n a
nd
Gam
es
1982
, 13
: 37
-50.
_
__
. F
ree
wri
ting
: E
valu
atio
n o
f a p
reve
ntiv
e pr
ogra
m w
ith
elem
enta
ry s
choo
l chi
ldre
n.
Jour
nal
o.f S
choo
l P
sych
olog
y 19
85,
23:
167-
175.
_
_ ---
--'. A
sch
ool-
base
d em
erge
ncy
cris
is in
terv
enti
on in
a m
ass
scho
ol d
isas
ter.
Pro
.fess
iona
l P
sych
olog
y: R
esea
rch
an
d P
ract
ice
1987
, 18
: 60
4-61
2.
__
_ " S
choo
l co
mm
unit
y in
dis
aste
r: P
lann
ing
for
inte
rven
tion
. Jo
urna
l (~lCommunity
Psy
chol
ogy
1988
,16:
205
-216
. _
__
" Sch
ool-
base
d em
erge
ncy
inte
rven
tion
fol
low
ing
an a
dole
scen
t's s
uici
de.
Dea
th
Stud
ies
1989
, 13
: 26
3-27
4.
__
_ " T
he e
ffec
ts o
f par
ent-
impl
emen
ted
cris
is-i
nter
vent
ion:
A r
eal-
life
em
erge
ncy
invo
lv
ing
a ch
ild'
s re
fusa
l to
use
a g
as-m
ask.
Jou
rnal
o.f
Cli
nica
l C
hild
Psy
chol
ogy
1992
, 21
: 70
-75.
_
__
" S
choo
l psy
chol
ogy
serv
ices
: C
omm
unit
y-ba
sed,
fir
st-o
rder
cri
sis
inte
rven
tion
du
ring
the
Gu
lf W
ar.
Psy
chol
ogy
in t
he S
choo
ls
1992
, 29
: 37
6-38
4.
__
_ . S
tres
s re
acti
ons
ofls
rael
i you
th d
urin
g th
e G
ulf W
ar:
A q
uant
itat
ive
stud
y. P
ro./e
ssio
nal
Psy
chol
ogy:
Res
earc
h a
nd
Pra
ctic
e 19
92,2
3: 5
21-5
27.
__
----
', K
oeni
gsfe
ld E
, Mar
kman
D.
Art
act
ivit
y w
ith
chil
dren
fol
low
ing
disa
ster
: A
pre
ve
ntiv
e or
ient
ed c
risi
s in
terv
enti
on m
odal
ity.
Art
s in
Psy
chot
hera
py 1
987,
14:
153
-166
. K
ooch
er G
P.
Chi
ldho
od, d
eath
, and
cog
niti
ve d
evel
opm
ent.
D
evel
opm
ent P
sych
olog
y 19
73,
9(3)
: 36
9-37
5.
Kra
nzle
r E
, Sha
ffer
D, W
asse
rman
G, D
avie
s M
. E
arly
chi
ldho
od b
erea
vem
ent.
Jour
nalo
.f
Am
eric
an A
cade
my
o.fC
hild
and
Ado
lesc
ent P
sych
iatr
y 19
90,2
9: 4
13-5
20.
Kry
stal
H.
Trau
ma
an
d A
ffec
ts.
P,\:
vcho
ana(
vtic
Stu
dy o
.('th
e C
hild
19
78,
33:
81-1
16.
Lah
ey B
B,
Kaz
din
AE
. (e
ds).
Adv
ance
s in
Cli
nica
l C
hild
P"y
chol
ogy.
N
ew Y
ork:
Ple
num
•
Pre
ss,
1982
, Vol
. 5.
L
andg
arte
n H
B.
Cli
nica
l Art
The
rapy
: A
Com
preh
ensi
ve G
uide
. N
ew Y
ork:
Bru
nner
/Maz
el,
1981
. Lan
sdow
n R
, B
enha
min
G.
The
dev
elop
men
t of t
he c
once
pt o
f dea
th i
n ch
ildr
en a
ged
5-9
year
s.
Chi
ld C
are,
Hea
lth,
and
Dev
elop
men
t 19
85,
11:
13-2
0.
Lau
b J,
Mur
phy
S. (
eds)
. P
ersp
ecti
ves
on D
isas
ter
Rec
over
y.
Nor
wal
k, C
T:
App
leto
nC
entu
ry-C
roft
s, 1
985.
L
azar
us R
S, F
olkm
an S
. St
ress
, A
ppra
isal
and
Cop
ing.
N
ew Y
ork:
Spr
inge
r, 1
984.
L
eavi
tt L
A,
Fox
NA
. (e
ds).
P
sych
olog
ical
Eff
ects
o.f
War
and
Vio
lenc
e on
Chi
ldre
n.
New
Y
ork:
Law
renc
e E
rlba
um,
1994
. L
ifto
n R
, Ols
on E
. T
he h
uman
mea
ning
oft
otal
dis
aste
r. P
sych
iatr
y 19
76, 3
9: 1
-18.
L
onet
to R
. Children:~ C
once
ptio
n o.
lDea
th.
New
Yor
k: S
prin
ger,
198
0.
Lon
igan
CJ,
Sha
nnon
MP,
Fin
ch A
J, D
augh
erty
TK
, Tay
lor
CM
. C
hild
ren'
s re
acti
ons
to
natu
ral
disa
ster
: S
ympt
om s
ever
ity
and
degr
ee o
f exp
osur
e.
Adv
ance
s in
Beh
avio
r R
esea
rch
an
d
The
rapy
19
91,1
3(3)
: 13
5-15
4.
Lor
d. J
H.
No
Tim
e/or
Goo
dbye
,,'.
Ven
tura
, C
A:
Pat
hfin
der
Pub
lish
ing,
198
7.
Lut
har
SS
, Zig
ler
E.
Vul
nera
bili
ty a
nd c
ompe
tenc
e: A
rev
iew
of r
esea
rch
on r
esil
ienc
e in
ch
ildh
ood.
A
mer
ican
Jou
rnal
o.l
Ort
hops
ychi
atlY
19
91,
61(l
): 6
-22.
L
yons
lA
. P
ost-
trau
mat
ic s
tres
s di
sord
er in
chi
ldre
n an
d ad
oles
cent
s:
A r
evie
w o
f the
lit
era
ture
. D
evel
opm
enta
l and
Beh
avio
ral
Ped
iatr
ics
1987
,8(6
): 3
49-3
56.
Lys
tad
MH
. C
hild
ren'
s re
spon
ses
to d
isas
ter:
Fam
ily
impl
icat
ions
. In
tern
atio
nal J
ourn
al o
.l F
amil
y P
sych
iatr
y 19
84,5
: 41
-60.
146
•
McC
affr
ey R
J, F
airb
anks
JA.
Post
-tra
umat
ic s
tres
s di
sord
er a
ssoc
iate
d w
ith tr
ansp
orta
tion
acc
ide
nts:
Tw
o ca
se s
tudi
es.
Beh
avio
r T
hera
py 1
985,
16:
406-
416.
M
cCan
n L
, P
earl
man
LA
. P
sych
olog
ical
Tra
uma
and
the
Adu
lt S
urvi
vor:
Th
eory
, Th
erap
y,
and
Tra
ns/o
rmat
ion.
N
ew Y
ork:
Bru
nner
/Maz
el,
1990
. M
cFar
lane
AC
. Po
sttr
aum
atic
phe
nom
ena
in a
long
itudi
nal s
tudy
of c
hild
ren
follo
win
g a
natu
ral
disa
ster
. Jo
urna
l o/t
he
Am
eric
an A
cade
my
o/C
hil
d a
nd A
dole
scen
t Psy
chia
try
1987
,26:
764
-76
9. M
cFar
lane
AC
, Pol
ican
sky
SK,
Irw
in C
. A
long
itud
inal
stu
dy o
f the
psy
chol
ogic
al m
orbi
dity
in
chi
ldre
n du
e to
a n
atur
al d
isas
ter.
P
sych
olog
ical
Med
icin
e 19
87,
17:7
27-7
38.
McL
eer
SV,
Deb
ling
er E
, A
tkin
s M
S, F
oa E
B,
Ral
phe
DL
. P
ost-
trau
mat
ic s
tres
s di
sord
er in
se
xual
ly a
buse
d ch
ildr
en.
Jour
nal o
/th
e A
mer
ican
Aca
dem
y o
/Ch
ild
and
Ado
lesc
ent P
sych
iatr
y 19
88,
27(5
): 6
50-6
54.
Mal
mqu
ist
CPo
Chi
ldre
n w
ho w
itne
ss p
aren
tal
mur
der:
P
ostt
raum
atic
asp
ects
. Jo
urna
l ~lt
he
Am
eric
an A
cade
my ~lChild P
sych
iatr
y 19
86,2
5: 3
20-3
25.
Mas
ten
AS
, B
est K
M, G
arm
ezy
N.
Res
ilie
nce
and
deve
lopm
ent:
C
ontr
ibut
ions
fro
m t
he
stud
y o
f chi
ldre
n w
ho o
verc
ome
adve
rsit
y.
Dev
elop
men
t and
Psy
chop
atho
logy
19
91, 2
: 42
5-44
4. M
eise
ls S
J, S
honk
off J
P. (
eds)
. H
andb
ook ~l E
ar(v
Int
erve
ntio
n.
New
Yor
k: C
ambr
idge
U
nive
rsit
y P
ress
, 19
90.
Mil
gram
NA
. (e
d).
Stre
ss a
nd C
opin
g in
TIm
e ~lWar:
Gen
eral
izat
ion/
rom
the
Isr
aeli
E
xper
ienc
e.
New
Yor
k: B
runn
er/M
azel
, 19
86.
Mil
gram
NA
, Tou
bian
a Y
, Kli
ngm
an A
, Rav
iv A
, Gol
dste
in I.
S
itua
tion
al e
xpos
ure
and
pers
onal
los
s in
chi
ldre
n's
acut
e an
d ch
roni
c st
ress
rea
ctio
ns to
a s
choo
l di
sast
er.
Jour
nal 0
/ Tr
aum
atic
Str
ess
1988
, I:
339-
352.
M
onah
on C
. C
hild
ren
and
Trau
ma:
A P
aren
t:s-
Gui
de to
Hel
ping
Chi
ldre
n H
eal.
New
Yor
k,
NY
: L
exin
gton
Boo
ks,
1993
. M
otta
RW
. Id
enti
fica
tion
of c
hara
cter
isti
cs a
nd c
ause
s o
f chi
ldho
od p
ostt
raum
atic
str
ess
diso
rder
. P
sych
olog
y in
the
Sch
ools
19
94,
31 (
I):
49-5
6.
New
berg
er C
M, D
e V
os E
. A
buse
and
vic
timiz
atio
n: A
Lif
e-sp
an d
evel
opm
ent p
ersp
ecti
ve.
Am
eric
an J
ourn
al ~l O
rtho
psyc
hiat
ry
1988
, 58
(4):
505
-511
. N
ewm
an C
J. C
hild
ren
of d
isas
ter:
Cli
nica
l ob
serv
atio
ns a
t B
uffa
lo C
reek
. A
mer
ican
Jou
rnal
~l P
sych
iatr
y 19
76,
133(
3):
306-
312.
O
ates
MD
. D
eath
in
the
Scho
ol C
omm
unity
: A
Han
dboo
k/or
Cou
nsel
ors,
Tea
cher
s an
d A
dmin
istr
ator
s. A
lexa
ndri
a, V
A:
Am
eric
an C
ouns
elin
g A
ssoc
iati
on,
1993
. O
llen
dick
TH
, Kin
g N
J, F
rary
RB
. F
ears
in c
hild
ren
and
adol
esce
nts:
Rel
iabi
lity
and
ge
nera
liza
bili
ty a
cros
s ge
nder
, age
, and
nat
iona
lity
. B
ehav
ior
Res
earc
h an
d T
hera
py
1989
, 27:
19
-26.
_
_ -',
Her
sen
M.
(eds
).
Han
dboo
k o
/Ch
ild
Psy
chop
atho
logy
(2n
d ed
.).
New
Yor
k:
Ple
num
Pre
ss,
1989
. _
_ -" Y
ule
W, O
ilie
r K.
Fea
rs in
Bri
tish
chi
ldre
n an
d th
eir
rela
tion
ship
to m
anif
est a
nxie
ty
and
depr
essi
on.
Jour
nal ~
lChild P
sych
olog
y an
d P
,\ych
iatr
y an
d A
llie
d Pr
~les
sion
s 19
90,3
2:
321-
331.
O
sofs
ky J
D,
Fen
iche
l E.
C
arin
g fo
r in
fant
s an
d to
ddle
rs in
vio
lent
env
iron
men
ts:
hurt
, hea
lin
g, a
nd h
ope.
Z
ero-
to-T
hree
19
94,
13(3
) P
arry
G.
Cop
ing
with
Cri
ses.
L
ondo
n: B
riti
sh P
sych
iatr
ic P
ress
, 19
90.
Par
kes
CM
. B
erea
vem
ent:
Stu
dies
~lGrie/in A
dult
Life
. M
adis
on, C
onne
ctic
ut:
Inte
rnat
iona
l U
nive
rsity
Pre
ss,
1987
.
147
Pay
ton
lB, K
rock
er-T
uska
n M
. C
hild
ren'
s re
acti
ons
to lo
ss o
f par
ent t
hrou
gh v
iole
nce.
Jou
rnal
o
/th
e A
mer
ican
Aca
dem
y q[
Chi
ld P
sych
iatr
y 19
88,2
7(5)
: 56
3-56
6.
Pol
loch
GH
. C
hild
hood
sib
ling
loss
: A
fam
ily
trag
edy.
Ped
iatr
ic A
nnal
s 19
86,
15: 8
51-8
55.
Pri
char
d S,
Ept
ing
F.
Chi
ldre
n an
d de
ath
-N
ew h
oriz
ons
in t
heor
y an
d m
easu
rem
ent.
O
meg
a-J
ou
rna
l q[
Dea
th a
nd D
ying
19
92,
24(4
): 2
71-2
88.
Pru
ett K
D.
Hom
e tr
eatm
ent f
or tw
o in
fant
s w
ho w
itne
ssed
thei
r mot
her'
s m
urde
r. J
ourn
al q
[the
A
cade
my
qlC
hil
d P~JJchiatry
1979
, 18
: 64
7-65
7.
Pun
amak
i R.
Fac
tors
aff
ecti
ng th
e m
enta
l he
alth
of P
ales
tini
an c
hild
ren
expo
sed
to p
olit
ical
vi
olen
ce.
Inte
rnat
iona
l Jou
rnal
q[ M
enta
l H
ealth
19
89,
18:
63-7
9.
Pyn
oos
RS,
Eth
S.
The
chi
ld a
s w
itne
ss t
o ho
mic
ide.
Jo
urna
l q
lSo
cia
l Iss
ues
1984
, 40(
2):
87-1
08.
__
----
' __
_ .
Wit
ness
to v
iole
nce:
The
chi
ld i
nter
view
. Jo
urna
l q
lth
e A
mer
ican
A
cade
my
qlC
hil
d P
sych
iatr
y 19
86,2
5(3)
: 30
6-31
9.
Pyn
oos
RS,
Nad
er K
. P
sych
olog
ical
fir
st a
id a
nd t
reat
men
t app
roac
h to
chi
ldre
n ex
pose
d to
co
mm
unit
y vi
olen
ce:
Res
earc
h im
plic
atio
ns.
Jour
nal q
lTra
umat
ic S
tres
s 19
88;
I: 4
45-4
73.
__
----
' __
_ . C
hild
ren
who
wit
ness
the
sexu
al a
ssau
lt o
f the
ir m
othe
rs.
Jour
nal q
l A
mer
ican
Aca
dem
y q
lCh
ild
and
Ado
lesc
ent P
sych
iatr
y 19
87,2
7: 5
67-5
72.
__
---'
__
_ .
Chi
ldre
n's
mem
ory
and
prox
imit
y to
vio
lenc
e. J
ourn
al q
lth
e A
mer
ican
A
cade
my
ql C
hild
an
d A
dole
scen
t Psy
chia
try
1989
, 28
(2):
236
-241
. _
__
" Fre
deri
ck C
, Nad
er K
, Arr
oyo
W, S
tein
berg
A, E
th S
, Nun
ez F
, Fai
rban
ks L
. L
ife
thre
at a
nd p
ost-
trau
mat
ic s
tres
s in
sch
ool-
age
chil
dren
. A
rchi
ves o
f Gen
eral
Psy
chia
try
1987
,44:
10
57-1
063.
_
__
" Nad
er K
. F
rede
rick
C.
Gon
da L
. S
tube
r M
. G
rief
reac
tion
s in
sch
ool-
age
chil
dren
af
ter
a sn
iper
att
ack
at s
choo
l.
Isra
el J
ourn
al q
lPsy
chia
try
and
Rel
ated
Sci
ence
s 19
87;
24 (
1-2)
: 53
-63.
R
ando
TA
. G
riev
ing:
How
to
go
on L
ivin
g w
hen
Som
eone
You
Lov
e D
ies.
L
exin
gton
, M
A:
Lex
ingt
on B
ooks
, 19
88.
Rap
hael
B.
The
Ana
tom
y ql
Ber
eave
men
t.
Lon
don:
Hut
chin
son.
19
84.
Rei
lly
TP,
Has
azi
lE,
Bon
d L
A.
Chi
ldre
n's
conc
epti
ons
of d
eath
and
per
sona
l m
orta
lity
. Jo
urna
l q
l Ped
iatr
ic P
sych
olog
y 19
83,
8: 2
1-31
. R
igam
er E
F.
Psy
chol
ogic
al m
anag
emen
t of c
hild
ren
in a
nat
iona
l cr
isis
. Jo
urna
l qlt
he
Am
eric
an A
cade
my
qlC
hil
d P
sych
iatr
y 19
86,2
5: 3
64-3
69.
Ron
stro
m A
. C
hild
ren
in C
entr
al A
mer
ica:
V
icti
ms
of w
ar.
Chi
ld W
ella
re
1989
,68:
145
-15
3. Rub
onis
AV
, Bic
kman
L. P
sych
olog
ical
impa
irm
ent i
n th
e w
ake
of d
isas
ter:
The
dis
aste
r-ps
ycho
pa
thol
ogy
rela
tion
ship
. P
sych
olog
ical
Bul
leti
n 19
91, 1
09: 3
84-3
99.
Rut
ter
M.
Res
ilie
nce
in t
he f
ace
of a
dver
sity
. B
riti
sh J
ourn
al q
l Psy
chia
try
1985
; 14
7: 5
98-
611.
Rut
ter
M,
Izar
d C
E,
Rea
d PB
. (e
ds).
D
epre
ssio
n in
You
ng P
eopl
e:
Dev
elop
men
t an
d C
lini
ca
l P
ersp
ecti
ves.
N
ew Y
ork:
Gui
lfor
d P
ress
, 19
86.
Sai
gh P
. T
he v
alid
ity
of t
he D
SM
-lll
pos
t-tr
aum
atic
str
ess
diso
rder
cla
ssif
icat
ion
as a
ppli
ed to
ch
ildr
en.
Jour
nal q
l Abn
orm
al P
sych
olog
y 19
89, 9
8: 1
89-1
92.
San
dova
l 1.
(ed
).
Res
ourc
es in
Cri
sis
Inte
rven
tion
: Sc
hool
, F
amil
y a
nd
Com
mun
ity
App
lica
tio
ns.
Sil
ver
Spr
ing,
MD
: N
atio
nal
Ass
ocia
tion
of S
choo
l P
sych
olog
ists
, 19
91.
San
ford
LT.
St
rong
at t
he B
roke
n P
lace
s:
Ove
rcom
ing
the
Trau
ma
qlC
hil
dh
oo
d A
buse
. N
ew
Yor
k: R
ando
m H
ouse
, 19
90.
148
San
dler
IN, G
erst
en J
C, R
eyno
lds
K, K
alig
ren
C, R
amir
ez R
. U
sing
theo
ry a
nd d
ata
to p
lan
supp
ort i
nter
vent
ions
: des
ign
of a
pro
gram
for
bere
aved
chi
ldre
n. I
n G
ottl
ieb
BH
(ed)
. M
arsh
alli
ng
Soci
al S
uppo
rt:
For
mat
s, P
roce
sses
and
Eff
ects
. B
ever
ly H
ills
, Cal
ifor
nia:
Sag
e. 1
988.
S
andl
er 1
. The
bac
kgro
und
of s
afet
y. I
nter
nati
onal
Jou
rnal
0/ P
\:vc
hoan
alys
is 1
960;
41:
352
-35
6. Sar
tore
RL
. P
oetr
y an
d ch
ildh
ood
trau
ma.
Jo
urna
lo.f
Poe
try
The
rapy
19
90,3
(4):
229
-33.
S
aylo
r C
FS
. (e
d).
Chi
ldre
n an
d D
isas
ters
. N
ew Y
ork:
Ple
num
Pre
ss,
1993
. _
_ -',
Sw
enso
n C
C,
Pow
ell
P.
Hur
rica
ne H
ugo
blow
s do
wn
the
broc
coli
: P
re-s
choo
lers
' po
st-d
isas
ter
play
and
adj
ustm
ent.
C
hild
Psy
chia
try
an
d H
uman
Dev
elop
men
t 19
92, 2
2: 1
39-
149.
Sch
afer
D,
Lyo
ns C
. H
ow D
o W
e Te
ll th
e C
hild
ren?
H
elpi
ng C
hild
ren
Und
erst
and
an
d C
ope
Whe
n So
meo
ne D
ies.
New
Yor
k: N
ewm
arke
t Pre
ss,
1986
. S
chon
fiel
d O
J, S
mil
ansk
y S.
A c
ross
-cul
tura
l com
pari
son
ofIs
rael
i and
Am
eric
an c
hild
ren'
s de
ath
conc
epts
. D
eath
Stu
dies
19
89,
13:
593-
604.
S
chum
ache
r JD
. H
elpi
ng c
hild
ren
cope
wit
h a
sibl
ing'
s de
ath.
Fam
ily
The
rapy
Col
lect
ions
19
84,
8: 8
2-94
. S
chw
artz
RE
. C
hild
ren
unde
r fi
re:
The
rol
e o
f the
sch
ools
. A
mer
ican
Jou
rnal
o.f
Ort
hops
ychi
atry
19
82,5
2: 4
09-4
19.
Sch
war
z E
D,
Kow
alsk
i 1M
. P
ostt
raum
atic
str
ess
diso
rder
aft
er a
sch
ool
shoo
ting
: E
ffec
ts o
f sy
mpt
om t
hres
hold
sel
ecti
on a
nd d
iagn
osis
by
DS
M-I
II,
DS
M-I
II-R
, or
Pro
pose
d D
SM-I
Y.
Am
eric
an J
ourn
al o
.fP
sych
iatr
y 19
91,1
48:
592-
597.
S
elig
man
EP.
Lea
rned
Opt
imis
m.
New
Yor
k: A
lfre
d A
. K
nopf
, 19
91.
Ser
oka
CM
, Kna
pp C
, Kin
gth
S, S
iem
on C
R, S
tarb
uck.
A c
ompr
ehen
sive
pro
gram
for
post
disa
ster
cou
nsel
ing.
So
cial
Cas
ewor
k: T
he J
ourn
al o
.fC
onte
mpo
rary
Soc
ial
Wor
k 19
86,6
7:
37-4
4.
Sgr
oi S
. H
andb
ook
o.fC
lini
call
nter
vent
ion
in C
hild
Sex
ual A
buse
. L
exin
gton
, M
A:
Lex
ing
ton
Boo
ks,
1982
. S
hane
M,
Sha
ne E
. O
bjec
t Los
s an
d S
elf-
obje
ct L
oss:
a
cons
ider
atio
n o
f sel
f psy
chol
ogy'
s co
ntri
buti
on to
und
erst
andi
ng m
ourn
ing
and
the
fail
ure
to m
ourn
. R
epor
t of s
cien
tifi
c m
eeti
ng
(rep
orte
r:
Wil
son
S).
Los
Ang
eles
Psy
choa
naly
tic
Bul
leti
n 19
89:
Sum
mer
: 32
-35.
S
ilve
r R
L, W
ortm
an C
B.
Cop
ing
wit
h un
desi
rabl
e li
fe e
vent
s.
In G
arbe
r 1. S
elig
man
ME
P
(eds
).
Hum
an H
elpl
essn
ess.
N
ew Y
ork:
Aca
dem
ic P
ress
. 19
80.
279-
341.
S
iege
l K
, M
esag
no F
P, C
hris
t G.
A p
reve
ntiv
e pr
ogra
m f
or b
erea
ved
chil
dren
. A
mer
ican
Jo
urna
l o.
f Ort
hops
ychi
atry
19
90,
60:
168-
175.
S
peec
e M
W,
Bre
nt S
B.
Chi
ldre
n's
unde
rsta
ndin
g o
f dea
th:
A r
evie
w o
f thr
ee c
ompo
nent
s o
f a
deat
h co
ncep
t.
Chi
ld D
evel
opm
ent
1984
, 55
: 16
71-1
686.
S
tam
broo
k M
, P
arke
r K
C.
The
dev
elop
men
t o
f the
con
cept
of d
eath
in
chil
dhoo
d:
A r
evie
w
of
the
lite
ratu
re.
Mer
rill
-Pal
mer
Qua
rter
ly
1987
, 33
: 13
3-15
7.
Sta
udac
her,
Car
ol.
Bey
ond
Gri
ef A
Gu
ide/
or
Rec
over
ingf
i·om
the
Dea
th o
.f a
Lov
ed O
ne.
Oak
land
, CA
: N
ew H
arbi
nger
Pub
lica
tion
s, 1
987.
S
ugar
M.
Chi
ldre
n in
a d
isas
ter:
A
n ov
ervi
ew.
Chi
ld P
sych
iatl
y a
nd
Hum
an D
evel
opm
ent
1989
,19:
163
-179
. S
ulli
van
MA
, Say
lor C
F, F
oste
r KY
. Po
st-h
urri
cane
adj
ustm
ent o
f pre
scho
oler
s an
d th
eir f
amili
es.
Adv
ance
s in
Beh
avio
r R
esea
rch
and
The
rapy
19
91,
13:
163-
171.
T
err L
C.
Chi
ldre
n o
f Cho
wch
illa
: A s
tudy
of p
sych
ic tr
aum
a. P
sych
oana
lyti
c St
udyo
.fth
e C
hild
19
79,3
4: 5
47-6
23.
149
__
_ . T
he c
hild
as
a w
itne
ss.
In S
chet
ky D
, Ben
edek
E, (
eds)
. C
hild
Psy
chia
try
and
the
Law
. N
ew Y
ork:
Bru
nner
/Maz
el,
1980
. 20
7-22
1.
__
_ .
Psy
chic
trau
ma
in c
hild
ren:
Obs
erva
tion
s fo
llow
ing
the
Cho
wch
illa
sch
ool-
bus
kidn
appi
ng.
Am
eric
an J
ourn
al o
f Psy
chia
try
1981
, 13
8(1)
: 14
-19.
_
__
. "F
orbi
dden
gam
es":
Pos
t-tr
aum
atic
chi
ld's
pla
y. J
ourn
al o
f the
Am
eric
an A
cade
my
~r C
hild
Psy
chia
try
1981
, 20
: 74
1-76
0.
__
---'.
Cho
wch
illa
rev
isit
ed:
The
eff
ects
of p
sych
ic t
raum
a fo
ur y
ears
aft
er a
sch
ool b
us
kidn
appi
ng.
Am
eric
an J
ourn
al ~r P
sych
iatr
y 19
83,
140:
154
3-15
50.
__
_ '. L
ife
atti
tude
s, d
ream
s, a
nd p
sych
ic t
raum
a in
a g
roup
of "
norm
al"
chil
dren
. Jo
urna
l ~r A
mer
ican
Aca
dem
y ~r C
hild
Psy
chia
try
1983
, 22
: 22
1-23
0.
__
_ '.
Chi
ldho
od p
sych
ic t
raum
a.
In C
all
JD, C
ohen
RL
, H
arri
son
SI,
Ber
lin
IN,
Sto
ne
LA
. (e
ds).
Bas
ic H
andb
ook ~rChiid P
sych
iatr
y. N
ew Y
ork:
Bas
ic B
ooks
, 19
87.
Vol
. 5,
262-
271.
_
__
. Wha
t hap
pens
to e
arly
mem
orie
s? A
stu
dy o
f tw
enty
chi
ldre
n un
der a
ge fi
ve a
t the
tim
e o
f doc
umen
ted
trau
mat
ic e
vent
s. J
ourn
al ~rt
he A
mer
ican
Aca
dem
y ~rChiid a
nd A
dole
scen
t P
sych
iatr
y 19
88, 2
7( I)
: 96
-104
. To
o Sc
ared
to C
ry.
New
Yor
k: H
arpe
r &
Row
, 19
90.
__
_ .
Unc
hain
ed M
emor
ies.
N
ew Y
ork:
Har
per
& R
ow,
1994
. _
__
. C
hild
hood
trau
mas
: A
n ou
tlin
e an
d ov
ervi
ew.
Am
eric
an J
ourn
al ~fPsychiatry
1991
,148
(1):
10-
19.
Tou
bian
a Y
H,
Mil
gram
NA
, Str
ich
Y, E
dels
tein
A.
Cri
sis
inte
rven
tion
in s
choo
l co
mm
unit
y di
sast
er:
Pri
ncip
les
and
prac
tice
s. J
ourn
al ~rCommul1ity P
sych
olog
y 19
88,
16:
228-
240.
V
ande
n B
os G
R,
Bry
ant
BK
. (e
ds).
C
atac
lysm
s, C
risi
s an
d C
atas
trop
he:
Psy
chol
ogy
in
Act
ion.
Was
hing
ton,
D.C
.: A
mer
ican
Psy
chia
tric
Pre
ss,
1987
. W
alke
r C
E,
Rob
erts
M.
(eds
).
Han
dboo
k o
f Cli
nica
l C
hild
Psy
chol
ogy.
N
ew Y
ork:
Wil
ey,
1983
. Wal
lers
tein
JS.
Pre
vent
ive
inte
rven
tion
s w
ith
divo
rcin
g fa
mili
es:
A re
conc
eptu
aliz
atio
n. I
n G
olds
ton
SE
, Yae
ger J
, et a
l. (e
ds).
M
enta
l Hea
lth D
istu
rban
ces
in C
hild
hood
. W
ashi
ngto
n, D
C:
Am
eric
an
Psy
chia
tric
Pre
ss,
1990
. W
einb
erg
RB
. S
ervi
ng la
rge
num
ber
of a
dole
scen
t vic
tim
sur
vivo
rs:
Gro
up i
nter
vent
ions
fo
llow
ing
trau
ma
at s
choo
l. Pr
~fes
sion
al P
,\ych
olog
y:
Res
earc
h an
d P
ract
ice
1990
, 21:
271
-27
8. W
eiss
man
MM
, Wic
kram
arat
ne P
, War
ner V
, Joh
n K
. P
ruso
ffB
A, M
erik
anga
s K
R, G
amm
on D
. A
sses
sing
psy
chia
tric
dis
orde
rs in
chi
ldre
n. A
rchi
ves ~rGeneral P
sych
iatr
y 19
87,4
4: 7
47-7
53.
Wel
ler E
B, W
elle
r RA
, Fri
stad
MA
. Cai
n SE
. Bow
es J
M.
Sho
uld
chil
dren
att
end
thei
r par
ents
' fu
nera
l? J
ourn
al ~rthe A
mer
ican
Aca
dem
y ~lChiid
and
Ado
lesc
ent P
sych
iatr
y 19
88,2
7: 5
59-
562.
Wel
ler R
A, W
elle
r EB
. Fri
stad
MA
. Bow
es J
M.
Dep
ress
ion
in r
ecen
tly
bere
aved
pre
pube
rtal
ch
ildr
en.
Am
eric
an J
ourn
al ~rP
sych
iatry
1991
, 14
8: 1
1536
-115
40.
Wen
ckst
ern
S, L
eena
ars
AA
. T
raum
a an
d su
icid
e in
our
sch
ools
. D
eath
Stu
dies
19
93,
17(2
):
151-
71.
Wer
tlie
b D
, Wei
gel C
, Fel
dste
in M
. M
easu
ring
chi
ldre
n's
copi
ng.
Am
eric
an J
ourn
al o
f O
rtho
psyc
hiat
ry
1987
,57:
548
-560
. W
hitc
omb
D.
Whe
n th
e V
ictim
is
a C
hild
. W
ashi
ngto
n, D
C: N
atio
nal
Inst
itut
e o
f Jus
tice
, US
D
epar
tmen
t of J
usti
ce,
1992
. W
olfe
DA
, Zak
L, W
ilson
SK
, Jaf
fe P
. C
hild
wit
ness
es to
vio
lenc
e be
twee
n pa
rent
s: C
riti
cal i
ssue
s in
beh
avio
ral a
nd s
ocia
l adj
ustm
ent.
Jou
rnal
~r A
bnor
mal
Chi
ld P
sych
olog
y 19
86,
14: 9
5-10
4
150
Wol
fens
tein
M.
Los
s, r
age,
and
rep
etit
ion.
P.\
ycho
ana~
vtic
Stu
dy o
.lthe
Chi
ld.
1969
,24:
432
-46
0. W
olfe
nste
in M
. H
ow is
mou
rnin
g po
ssib
le?
P.,y
choa
naly
tic
Stud
y o.
lthe
Chi
ld.
1966
,21:
93
-123
. W
ortm
an C
B,
Sil
ver
RC
. T
he m
yths
of c
opin
g w
ith l
oss.
Jou
rnal
o.l
Con
sult
ing
an
d C
lini
cal
P.\J
lcho
logy
19
89,5
7: 3
49-3
57.
Wri
ght
KM
, U
rsan
o R
J, B
arto
ne P
T,
Ingr
aham
LH
. T
he s
hare
d ex
peri
ence
of c
atas
trop
he:
An
expe
nded
cla
ssif
icat
ion
of t
he d
isas
ter
com
mun
ity.
Am
eric
an J
ourn
al o
.lO
rtho
psyc
hiat
ry
1990
, 60
: 35
-42.
W
yatt
GE
, P
owel
l G
J.
Las
ting
Eff
ects
o.l
Chi
ld S
exua
l Abu
se.
Bev
erly
Hill
s: S
age,
198
8.
Yat
es T
T, B
anna
rd J
R.
The
"ha
unte
d" c
hild
: G
rief
, hal
luci
nati
ons,
and
fam
ily
dyna
mic
s.
Jour
nal
o.lt
he A
mer
ican
Aca
dem
y o.
lChi
ld a
nd
Ado
lesc
ent P
sych
iatl
Jl
1988
,27:
573
-581
. Y
oung
stro
m N
. In
ner
city
you
th t
ell o
flif
e in
"a
war
zon
e".
Am
eric
an P
.\Jlc
holo
gica
l Ass
oci
atio
n M
onit
or
1992
,23(
1 ):
36-3
7.
Yul
e W
, Wil
liam
s R
M.
Pos
t-tr
aum
atic
str
ess
reac
tion
s in
chi
ldre
n. J
ourn
alo.
lTra
umat
ic
Stre
ss
1990
, 3(2
):27
9-29
5.
__
_ " U
dwin
o.
Scr
eeni
ng c
hild
sur
vivo
rs f
or p
ost-
trau
mat
ic s
tres
s di
sord
ers:
Exp
eri
ence
s fr
om t
he "
Jupi
ter"
sin
king
. B
riti
sh J
ourn
al (~l
Clin
ical
Psy
chol
ogy
1991
,30:
131
-138
. _
__
__
_ , M
urdo
ch D
. T
he "
Jupi
ter"
sin
king
: E
ffec
ts o
n ch
ildr
en's
fea
rs,
depr
essi
on
and
anxi
ety.
Jo
urna
l o.l
Chi
id P
sych
olog
y a
nd
P.\y
chia
tl:Y
1990
, 31:
105
1-10
61.
Zin
smei
ster
K.
Gro
win
g up
sca
red.
Atl
anti
c M
onth
zv
1990
,265
:49-
66.
151
1991
.
1982
.
Chi
ldre
n's
Boo
ks A
bout
Dea
th
Ale
xand
er,
Sue
. N
adia
the
Will
ful.
New
Yor
k, N
Y:
Pan
theo
n B
ooks
, 19
83.
Ber
ry, J
oy.
Abo
ut T
raum
atic
Exp
erie
nces
. C
hica
go,
IL:
Chi
ldre
n's
Pre
ss,
1990
. B
lack
burn
, L
ynn.
T
imot
hy D
uck.
O
mah
a, N
E:
Cen
teri
ng C
orp.
, 19
87.
__
__
__
. Th
e C
lass
in
Roo
m 4
4.
Om
aha,
NE
: C
ente
ring
Cor
p.,
1991
. B
lum
e, J
udy.
Ti
ger
Eye
s.
New
Yor
k, N
Y:
Mac
mil
lan
Chi
ldre
n's
Gro
up,
1981
. B
ould
en, J
im a
nd B
ould
en, J
oan.
Say
ing
Goo
d-by
e. S
anta
Ros
a, C
A:
Bou
lden
Pub
lish
ing,
Bro
wn,
Mar
gare
t W
ise.
The
Dea
d B
ird.
N
ew Y
ork,
NY
: D
ell
Pub
lish
ing,
197
9.
Bus
cagl
ia, L
eo.
The
Fal
l of F
redd
ie t
he L
eal
Tho
rofa
re,
NJ:
Cha
rles
B.
Sla
ck C
o.,
Cam
pbel
l, J
ames
A.
The
Secr
et P
lace
s. O
mah
a, N
E:
Cen
teri
ng C
orp.
, 19
92
Coe
rr,
Ele
anor
. Sa
dako
an
d th
e T
hous
and
Pap
er C
rane
s.
New
Yor
k, N
Y:
Put
nam
P
ubli
shin
g G
roup
., 19
77.
Coh
en,
Jani
ce.
I H
ad a
Fri
end
Nam
ed P
eter
. N
ew Y
ork,
NY
: W
illi
am M
orro
w a
nd C
o.,
1987
. D
odge
, N
ancy
. Th
umpy
:S' S
tOfY
: T
he S
tory
of G
rief
and
Los
s S
hare
d by
Thu
mpy
the
Bun
ny.
Spr
ingf
ield
, IL
: P
rair
ie L
ark
Pre
ss,
1984
. D
ougl
as,
Eil
een.
Rac
hel a
nd
the
Ups
ide
Dow
n H
eart
. L
os A
ngel
es, C
A:
Pri
ce S
tem
S
loan
, 19
90.
1995
.
1993
.
1990
.
Fer
guso
n, D
orot
hy.
A B
unch
q(B
alio
ons.
Om
aha,
NE
: C
ente
ring
Cor
p.,
1992
. F
rost
, Dor
othy
. D
AD
! W
hy'd
You
Lea
ve M
e"!
Sco
ttsd
ale,
PA
: H
eral
d P
ress
, 19
91.
Fry,
Vir
gini
a L
ynn.
P
art o
f Me
Die
d, T
oo.
New
Yor
k, N
Y:
Dut
ton
Chi
ldre
n's
Boo
ks,
Gre
enfi
eld,
Elo
ise.
Nat
hani
al T
alki
ng.
New
Yor
k, N
Y:
Bla
ck B
utte
rfly
Chi
ldre
n's
Gro
up,
John
son,
Joy
and
Joh
nson
, M
arv.
W
here
:S' J
ess?
O
mah
a, N
E:
Cen
teri
ng C
orp.
, 19
82.
Kal
dhol
, M
., an
d W
ench
e, O
. G
ood-
bye
Run
e.
New
Yor
k, N
Y:
Kan
e-M
ille
r, 1
987.
K
olf,
Jun
e C
erza
. T
eena
gers
Tal
k A
bout
Gri
ef G
rand
Rap
ids,
MI:
Bak
er B
ook
Hou
se,
Kre
men
tz, J
ill.
How
It F
eels
Whe
n a
Par
ent D
ies.
New
Yor
k, N
Y:
Kno
pf P
ubli
shin
g, 1
981.
K
uble
r-R
oss,
Eli
sabe
th.
Rem
embe
r th
e Se
cret
. B
erke
ley,
CA
: Cel
esti
al A
rts,
198
7.
Lan
ton,
San
dy.
Dad
dy So
Cha
ir.
Roc
kvil
le,
MD
: K
ar-B
en C
opie
s, I
nc.,
1991
. L
eSha
n, E
da.
Lea
rnin
g to
Say
Goo
d-by
e W
hen
a P
aren
t D
ies.
N
ew Y
ork,
NY
: M
acm
illa
n P
ubli
shin
g C
o.,
1975
. L
inn,
Eri
n.
Chi
ldre
n A
re N
ot P
aper
doll
s.
Spr
ingf
ield
, IL
: H
uman
Ser
vice
s P
ress
, 19
82.
Nas
ta,
Phy
liss
. A
aron
Goe
s to
the
She
lter
. T
ucso
n, A
Z:
Who
le C
hild
, 19
91.
Oeh
ler,
Jer
ri.
The
Fro
g F
ami(
v :s'
Bab
y D
ies.
Dur
ham
, NC
: D
uke
Uni
vers
ity
Med
ical
Cen
ter,
19
78 (
a co
lori
ng s
tory
book
).
O'T
oole
, D
onna
. A
ardy
Aar
dvar
k F
inds
Hop
e.
Bur
nsvi
lle,
NC
: M
t. R
ainb
ow P
ubli
ca
tion
s, 1
988.
P
owel
l, E
. S
andy
. G
eran
ium
Mor
ning
. M
inne
apol
is,
MN
: C
arol
Rho
da B
ooks
, In
c.,
1990
. R
icht
er,
Eli
zabe
th.
Los
ing
Som
eone
You
Lov
e: W
hen
a B
roth
er o
r Si
ster
Die
s.
New
Y
ork,
NY
: Pu
tnam
Pub
lishi
ng G
roup
.
153
1991
.
Rof
es, E
. K
id:S
' Boo
k ab
out D
eath
and
Dyi
ng.
New
Yor
k, N
Y:
Lit
tle
Pub
lish
ers,
197
6.
Rog
ers,
Fre
d. S
o M
uch
to T
hink
Abo
ut.
Pit
tsbu
rgh,
PA
: F
amil
y C
omm
unic
atio
ns,
Inc.
,
Rom
ons,
Jan
is.
Chi
ldre
n F
acin
g G
rief
St.
Mei
nrad
, IN
: A
bbey
Pre
ss,
1989
. S
crav
ani,
Mar
k.
Lov
e. M
ark.
S
yrac
use,
NY
: H
ope
for
Ber
eave
d, 1
988.
S
ims,
Ali
cia.
Am
1 S
till
a S
iste
r? S
lide
ll,
LA
: B
ig A
and
Co.
, 19
86.
Ter
nes,
Rob
erta
. Th
e E
mpt
y P
lace
. F
ar H
ills,
NJ:
Sm
all
Hor
izon
s, 1
992.
T
iffa
ult,
Ben
ette
. A
Qu
iltl
or
Eli
zabe
th.
Om
aha,
NE
: C
ente
ring
Cor
p.,
Inc.
, 19
92.
Tha
ut, P
amel
a. S
pike
an
d B
en.
Dee
rfie
ld, F
L: H
ealt
h C
omm
unic
atio
ns, I
nc.,
1991
. T
rais
man
, E
nid
Sam
uel.
F
ire
in M
y H
eart
; Ic
e in
My
Vei
ns.
Om
aha,
NE
: C
ente
ring
C
orp.
, 19
92.
Var
ley,
Sus
an.
Bad
ger:
S' P
arti
ng G
(fts
. N
ew Y
ork,
NY
: M
orro
w a
nd C
o.,
1984
. V
igna
, Ju
dith
. Sa
ying
Goo
d-by
e to
Dad
dy.
Nil
es,
IL:
Alb
ert W
hitm
an a
nd C
o.,
1991
. W
hite
, E
.B.
Cha
rlot
te:S
' W
eb.
New
Yor
k, N
Y:
Har
per
and
Row
, 19
52.
154
Wor
king
Wit
h G
riev
ing
Chi
ldre
n A
fter
V
iole
nt D
eath
: E
valu
atio
n o
f Gu
ideb
ook
Ple
ase
com
plet
e an
d m
ail t
o:
Nat
iona
l Org
aniz
atio
n fo
r V
ictim
Ass
ista
nce
1757
Par
k R
oad,
N.W
., W
ashi
ngto
n, D
.C.
2001
0 O
r fa
x to
: 20
2-46
2-22
55
Ple
ase
circ
le o
ne o
nly,
usi
ng a
rat
ing
of o
ne (
poor
) to
fiv
e (e
xcel
lent
).
Ov
eral
l E
valu
atio
n o
f Gui
debo
ok:
2 3
4
Sub
stan
tive
Co
nte
nt o
fth
e G
uide
book
: 2
3 4
Com
men
ts:
Org
aniz
atio
n o
fth
e G
uide
book
: 2
3 4
Com
men
ts:
Act
ivit
ies
Rec
omm
ende
d:
2 3
4 C
omm
ents
:
Use
fuln
ess
of G
uide
book
to Y
ou/Y
our J
ob
: 2
3 4
Com
men
ts:
My
expe
ctat
ion
for
this
Gui
debo
ok w
as:
fulf
ille
d un
fulf
ille
d
Wha
t di
d yo
u fi
nd m
ost
bene
fici
al?
Wha
t di
d yo
u fi
nd l
east
ben
efic
ial?
Wha
t im
prov
emen
ts w
ould
you
mak
e?
5 5 5 5 5
Wha
t ad
diti
onal
inf
orm
atio
n/tr
aini
ng r
elat
ed t
o w
orki
ng w
ith
grie
ving
chi
ldre
n w
ould
be
help
ful
to y
ou?
Wha
t el
se w
ould
you
lik
e us
to
know
? U
se r
ever
se i
fmo
re s
pace
is
need
ed.
Num
ber
of y
ears
of e
xper
ienc
e in
vic
tim
ass
ista
nce
or in
wor
king
with
gre
ivin
g ch
ildr
en f
ield
: 0-
3 3-
6 6-
9 9+
Th
ank
you
for
hel
ping
us!
155
·U.S
. G
over
nmen
t Prin
ting
Offi
ce:
1997
·417
·738
1743
13
