Work Zine Vol Issue 5

8/14/2019 Work Zine Vol Issue 5

http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/work-zine-vol-issue-5 1/11

I was o the view that we ind one design and stick with it but Abid thinks it will cramp our style. He thinks we

should keep it resh and change the design every issue. I decided to embrace his idea and give you guys a party

theme. I know, you’re probably thinking; who the hell is this? Isn’t this supposed to be a serious newsletter thingy?

I say relax, you’re too serious with yoursel and please don’t go harassing Abid, he’ll take away my editorial

rights. Anyway, I’m supposed to be telling you some stu, ah yes! Stu about being laid back or a while and

“conversating”, imagine Sevo and Mutebi indulging in a lazy cold one on a Thursday evening at Stakeout, we

would have survived all that nonsense earlier this month. Let me go on.

Apparently we live in a class society. Depending on the criterion being

used, you either belong to one class or another. For example; i you’re

gainully employed, particularly by a company in URA’s good books,

you’re considered “corporate”. I however you’re engaged in ventures

o the entrepreneurial nature, you’re considered to be o the group

called “NEKO”, short or “nekolera gyange”. That’s just one pleasant

example that comes with such dierences as dress code, demeanour,

weekday proggie and many other things. There’s a tendency or these

so called classes to be taken too seriously, apparently some people

can’t hang with others because o these things. For me, I’ve discovered

that being able to comortably move across these deinitions is a

good lie skill. The corporate people will probably know it as social

networking; the NEKO people know it intuitively. I imagine the theory

is that the more people you really know, the easier it is or you to

get the shit you want done, done. Just the other day I was hanging with Navio, okay, he just happened to be in the

same place but I said what’s up and some weeks ago I rode home on a baji with some guy engaged in the gardening

business. I don’t know how these guys will help me but at least Navio did that nice jam and the baji guy provided

some leaves I shall claim to have used or culinary purposes. Let me stop meandering and ind some sort o point

in all this drivel. Hmmm, yup, I have chosen to belong to the class o party people! Some may think that it’s society

that determines your place in the world but I say the individual reigns supreme. So I consciously use my God given

ree will to decree that I belong to that class, the one o party people. See you guys on Furahi Day!

WorkZine

Corporate Slavery

There are few

companies that call

themselves corporate

that do not practice

the art or is it social

science of corporate

slavery.

BAN KAI!

Remember the time

when 3:30 p.m. meant

you were rushing

home from school, to

try and catch the latest

episode of “Samurai

X” on Sanyu

Television?

Group Savings

Often times the main

thing that prevents

one from engaging in

certain activities is the

lack of an adequate

source of support.Burning Down the House!

It started out as a small tussle for

authority and power in a hitherto little

known district and town of Kayunga

approximately 45 kilometres east of

the capital Kampala.

wishingeverydaywasfriday

Vol1ISSU

23SEPT2

Party People!Yes, another issue, another crack at the design. You’ve probably

noticed (we hope) that we’ve had different designs for each issue

that’s gone out so far.

good day,

In The NewsGenocide fears flare in Uganda aspoliticians take tribalistic stands

Suspicious deaths at pensions house

Beatles, Whitney Houston and Jay-Zre-ignite hope in world music industry

Kim Clijsters stuns the tennis world

Swine flu suspected in Western Uganda

Proposed internet rules draw fierce debateworld over

Muslims celebrate end of Ramadhanworldwide

Angolan President marks 30 years in power

Facebook hacking site scam exposed

Workout during pregnancy prevents“overweight babies”

Obama calls Kanye West a jackass

w H A t ’ S I N S I D e :

@rhinorck



Alarm - sudden sharp apprehension and

fear resulting from the perception of

imminent danger /A sudden fear caused

by the realization of danger./ A warning of

existing or approaching danger.

In the workplace , causes of danger and

fear are not very far. Ranging from a new

boss to an old foe, sources of alarms come

in various shades and shapes. But the onesto worry about are those that come from

outside. Fire and terrorism are primary

concerns in many an employ. Smoke

detectors, metal detectors, cameras with

night vision , key cards and door buzzers

are the weapons technology has given

us. Ronnie <stanbic > has to go through

checks every morning. “Guards are

situated at the entrance and if the detector

beeps, a checkdown is done. It can be

inconveniencing but it does help make fee

secure.” Maureen <Barclays> has a key

card : “swipe swipe swipe. Swipe here.

Swipe there. I guess its to be expected. It’s

a bank.” Carol <Huawei> as goes through

the rigourous card system at Twed

plaze : “it does keep the unauthorizedout. It works but has loopholes,” Esther

<Eskom> is used to the surprise fire

and terrorist drills : “they keep you alert

and prepared.” Mike <URA> prefers to

digress : “those drills are now a bother.

They sound the alarm all the time and

when we leave our desks , we find it was

just a drill. I have noticed people in the

building now stay at their desks when

they hear the alarm.” and such an attitude

can be dangerous. Charles <morgatech>

keeps his eyes and ears open. “in this

city, anything can happen” The recent

riots in Kampala proved him right. Most

people had the shouts and didn’t bother.

“Just another disturbance,” Kate <UBA>

surmised. By the time she realized that theissue was serious, she was caught at work

and could not leave. Sarah <Sheraton

hotel> was in shock : “I was so scared

when I heard the rumors that kept passing

round and round. I almost hid under my

desk.” as the dust settles from the chaos,

information uncovered reveals that some

of the injured and dead were simply

victims of circumstance. Being at the

wrong place at the wrong time. Michael ,

a security officer : “its prudent to respond

to any alarm appropriately. If you are

at work and something occurs , please

take immediate action. Its better to be

safe than sorry. A good number of people

perished in the New York 9/11 attacks due

to a slow response. Panicking is a wasteof time and energy . The best thing to do

is to keep a cool head and try to identify a

place of safety. Letting your instincts take

over is usually a bad thing. Pinpointing

the danger and its nature is usually the

best thin got do. This helps you come up

with an appropriate response. sometimes

staying put is the best thing to do. Others

taking to your heels could save your life.

No work is more important than you.

Destroyed work and property can be

recovered. Your life can’t !”

Businge Abid Were

This ensures that those who areearning more don’t overwhelmother members and turn the groupinto a dictatorship. The group sizevaries from one group to another but5—10 is more apt number whichallows easy management and doesn’tstrain personal bonds. The money

collected amounts to a pool fromwhich members can carry out differentfinancial activities. When any membercomes up with a business opportunity,it is discussed and if approved, theactivity is implemented using fundsfrom the saving account. Ownershipof the activity is hence in the group.On another level, members can borrowmoney form the group at a set interestlevel which is usually lower than theone the banks offer. In such cases, thecollateral a member gives is usuallyhis/her share in the pool. For this typeof group to work , members shouldbe well known to each other. This

builds up the element of trust whichis key to the group survival. Eachmember has a role to play and no oneis excess baggage. Group compositioncan be based on different factorslike alumni from schools, religiousbackground, personal ties, work relations , character and reputation

e.t.c. The bonds amongst members arebuilt up through regular interactions.Some groups meet at least once amonth at different locations. Othersin addition also have mega-meetingor outing every year where memberscome with their immediate family fora day of fun. Some others have setrules in their documentation whichleads to penalties if a member doesnot attend three monthly meetings in arow . Others have features where latecoming is punishable usually througha fine. Some others reward memberswho bring in profitable opportunities. Profits and losses are usually shared

equally amongst members or coube shared depending on contributmade. Some groups are registeredwhereas some are not. Most that aregistered are in the form of SACyet some people go for fully fledgcompanies. The important thingfor these groups to succeed is clea

documentation that caters for allaspects of the group including entand exit of members into the groudisciplinary action, rules of operaaims and objectives, sharing of loprofit, succession in case of deathinternal politics amongst others. Wthe savings group is done properl, it can provide a steady and solidfoundation for the rest of one’s lif

Catherine Komujuni Kenya Commercial Bank

Group SavinGSOften times the main thing that preventsone from engaging in certain activities isthe lack of an adequate source of support.A friends based savings group provides onwith two essential ingredients : financial anmoral support. The most common feature o

these groups is a joint savings account that require more than two signatures withdraw. There is usually a set amount of money that each member is requir

to deposit every specified time period usually one month.

And i I am to say, there are only two

proessions that have mastered the art o

corporate slavery, accountancy and inance.

Little wonder that they are both proit

motivated, cash inspired and involved in

capitalism’s extension o slavery. Corporate

slavery is a way in which companies like the

one I work or (sorry, slave or) make ends

meet. It is the way in which they can legallyget ree labour without outsourcing to India or

Bangladesh.

You join a “big” corporation (by Ugandan

standards anyway) resh rom campus

and bleak o your employment rights. The

corporate master will drat you a contract that

will stipulate in all that you will work or him

and only him up to a point in time when he

can hire another resh graduate to ill your job.

The corporate master will entice you to

going to his irm (arm) and not the other

by dangling the ully-paid-proessional-

qualiication carrot in ront o you. He’ll

probably do this even beore you graduate

through recruitment workshops at your

campus. And or good measure, he will

probably tell you how his is a multinational

corporation with several branches the world

over. This will get your

hopes running like Semenya

as i you have a chance

o being taken “outside

countries” nga the arthest

your MD goes is Nairobi to

attend the regional strategic

meeting every ive years.

Unortunately, you will

eat the carrot but soon ind

out that there was but one

carrot and no more to ollow.

Soon it will be the stick

(dependence on that monthly salary) that you

cannot do without that will make you stay at

his arm. That is when you will have to put the

extra hours (which soon become a norm) o

5pm to midnight to ensure deadlines are met.

These deadlines on a sad thought are never

met because your boss will always ind

with your midnight-done work. This w

surely mean you have to relight the mid

lamp again and again as daily chores pi

and on.

It thus pains me to se

hommies and colleag

get buried in work as

own the business. Takchill and sit back and

what you can in the h

the master told you h

paying or, any extra

surely should be well

on Facebook, twitter,

MySpace and not wo

Corporate Slavery!There are few companies that call themselves corporate that do not practice the art or is it social scie

of corporate slavery. It is not rare to hear of friends in corporate companies burning away the midni

oil to beat deadlines.

Rafayi

Retirement Watch

Raising the alarm!



The Audacity of Dreamscan visualize the scene again and again like it was today.11; 30 p.m, Saturday

ight, the 15th of August 1998, Entebbe International Airport. I was leaving

ome for the first time in 25 years, destination Harvard University, a place where

knew all my dreams would come true.

As I said that final good bye to my parents and friends, I saw dreams, expectations, hope so thick ou could slice it with a knife, I could see a tinge of sadness in their eyes laced with a glimmer of appiness for me. As I stepped aboard the Boeing 707, I knew my life was about to change for ever,hen I woke up.

Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today to embrace the audacity of dream. It is said that theuality of ones life is determined by the size of the dream that one carries. Since time immemorial,he people who have shaped and continue to influence global affairs are those who were audaciousnough to dream.

Each and everyone alive has a dream. It is the one thing that after all has been said and done willtand out as your very own. Your dream distinguishes you from the person sited next to you. A dreams the agent that drives life. Nothing is impossible to the dreamer. The greatest that the Almighty Godave us is the power of imagination. Imagination can take you places. Life without a dream is like

motion without meaning, activity without direction and events without reason. Without a dream, lifes trivial, petty and pointless. Yet just because you have a dream, doesn’t mean you are ready to fulfill. Every dream has journey, a journey of handwork. Dreams attract persecution. Friends and familynd a multitude of obstacles stand in the pursuit of our dreams. So what do we do?

n order to achieve your dream, you need to leave your comfort zone, what Zig Zigler calls the landf Familiar. You need to develop a personality and character that can fulfill that dream. Developkills that can help you fulfill that dream. Endurance, perseverance, self control, assertiveness,iscipline and the most important, the relentless pursuit of an intimate relationship with God. Takeour Education seriously; work smart and not hard in the pursuit of academic excellence. Develop aharacter that is reflective of courage and strength, integrity; it preserves dreams, an unwavering willo succeed and absolute confidence in God that you can achieve.eek knowledge; learn from others’ experiences, read ravenously, expansively and extensively. Delayelf gratification and cultivate a spirit of patience and endurance.he relentless pursuit and consequent achievement of your dream will not only preserve your life butring joy and fulfillment to those around you while bringing glory and honor to God the father.

Dearly beloved, I implore you to pursue your dreams.

Tashobya Davis

As I sit in the office, on this cold Monday

vening, trying to contemplate the meaning

f life while staring at a facebook page and

stening to bollywood music, I try to come up

with a solution for the writers’ block which has

it me over the past few days and it’s official;

m STILL blocked. However, when I have

othing to write, I usually like to put it down so

hat posterity will see that even when I wasn’t

hinking, thoughts would still float through my

rain.....so, here goes:

here is no water at home. There is electricity.

means that you can’t wash, but you can Iron.

his tells me that there is a god; a Greek god, a

eranged Greek god in charge of Kla affairs...

Was watching this movie last night. You knowow heroes of movies have to overcome

urdles to reach their goal? Well, this heroine’s

truggle was ugliness, I mean, she was IT. Her

mother was prettier than her, her best friend

was prettier than her, even her worst enemy was

rettier than her. Then she stepped on a car and

ll it’s windows burst, that’s now a Godzilla

evel of ugly. Soooooo hugely ugly.

hen my boda b guy saw a toy benz (you know

he one I am talking about. The only one where

he word toy and Mercedes Benz come into

our mind at the same time. The one where

hey wanted a tradeoff between material and

tyle, and style got the unfair end of the deal;

looks like a flat nosed boxer...)Anyways, he

says mbuno he couldn’t buy the car even if theypaid him. That’s way too ambitious, first own

the motorbike, which isn’t even a mercedes,

then talk about shit you can’t buy. Right now,

you couldn’t buy your bike even if the owner

paid you!

My kid sis wanted to watch Ice Age 3 for the

fifth time yesterday. I know teenagers can

be retarded, but you have to draw the line

somewhere. What, you are preparing for an Ice

Age quiz where you could win millions? No,

no, there are parts of the movie that you could

have missed the first four times you watched

it? Girl, pick up a textbook before I smack you

over the head with one.

Since paper is from trees, I’m thinking E-paper

will be from E-trees. Quite literal, but that’s

how they do it in cartoons....

My random rumblings have to give way to an

impatient friend who wants to go home now......

Random musings...or ramusings!

Otea the Great!

Pamela Achii

BreastCancer:

men and women

Who are the custodians o the “mammary glands”? Both males and emales,

and indirectly. How would we respond i our girlriends /wives one day have

away with one or both o her breasts? Who will support her in choosing surge

death?

Breast Cancer is a malignant tumor that starts rom the cells o the breast. A

malignant tumor is group o cancer cells that invade the surrounding tissues. disease occur almost entirely in women but men can get it too.

Risk actors or breast Cancer.

A risk actor is anything that aects your chances o getting a disease. Simpl

a woman is the main risk actor or developing breast cancer. Although wome

many more breast cells than men, the main reason they develop more breast

is because their breast cells are constantly exposed to the growth-promoting e

o the emale hormones estrogen and progesterone. Men can develop breast c

but this disease is about 100 times more common among women than men.

Age. Chances o getting breast cancer increases with age. About 1 out o 8 inv

cancers are ound in women below the age o 45 and the chances gets higher

grow older.

Genetic actors. Certain types o cancers are inherited rom parents due to tra

o genetic materials. Similarly women whose close relatives have cancers als

higher chances o developing the disease. Also, a woman with cancer in one

has a 3- to 4-old increased risk o developing a new cancer in the other breasin another part o the same breast. Women with denser breast tissue (as seen o

mammogram) have a higher risk o breast cancer. Unortunately, dense breas

can also make it harder or doctors to spot problems on mammograms. Wom

who have had more menstrual cycles because they started menstruating at an

age (beore age 12) and/or went through menopause at a later age (ater age 5

have a slightly higher risk o breast cancer. This may be related to a higher li

exposure to the hormones estrogen and progesterone.

Not breast-eeding : Some studies suggest that breast-eeding may slightly lo

breast cancer risk, especially i breast-eeding is continued or 1½ to 2 years.

explanation or this possible eect may be that breast-eeding reduces a wom

total number o lietime menstrual cycles .

Alcohol and Tobacco: The risk increases with the amount consumed.

Antiperspirants : Internet e-mail rumors have suggested that chemicals in und

antiperspirants are absorbed through the skin, interere with lymph circulatio

cause toxins to build up in the breast, and eventually lead to breast cancer.

Several studies have suggested that women who work at night -- or example

on a night shit -- may have an increased risk o developing breast cancer.

High at diets, obesity, lack o physical exercises are some o the actors that

increase chances o breast cancer. We will only reduce the risks by watching

those actors that we can control directly as seen above and more importantly

important to go or breast examination.

Till then



10. A woman’s sense o smell is most

sensitive during ovulation.

Now men, know her dates so you know

when best to lie about having had a shower.9. 25% o your bones are located in your eet.

So be more careul about shoving it up his/

her a***

8. Human thigh bones are stronger than

concrete!

The excuse that she will not sit on my slip

laps coz they will break no longer works.

7. Motorists who talk on cell phones are more

impaired than most drunk drivers.

The cops better give me back my money. I

told you it was never a problem to drink and

drive.

6. While 7 men in 100 have some orm o

colour blindness, only 1 woman in 1,000 do.

Ladies, when he gets his colour matching

the other way round, its genetic!

5. When a person dies, hearing is usually the

last sense to go.

Play me music on my death bed. Amazing

Grace is my preerence.

4. At age 70, more than 70% men are still

potent.

Big up to all the single men, take your time!

3. Women buy 4 out o every 10 condoms

sold.

I she says she has never, chances are

almost 50-50 she has.

2. The irst patented condom was meant to

be reused!

Why isn’t the irst patented condom in

circulation, it could have saved thousands

o lives

1.The average oice desk has 400 times more

bacteria than a toilet. Wash your hands youoice olks, we don’t know i you touched

your …desk

Mobile Katale is a grocery delivery company

specializing in delivery of fresh food products. Mo

Katale delivers the fresh food items to customers

offices around Kampala. We source our products f

various markets around Kampala. We deliver the grocery items at your premises at an agre

time. We ensure that you receive high quality products and also share with you the trend in

market prices.

Generally fresh food items in Kampala are obtained from market which are often located ivery busy areas. The shopping process is therefore very time consuming and exhausting. I

often consumes the time that would better be spent with one’s family and loved ones. It is

therefore against this back ground that we come to take away the burden of market shoppi

To place an order with Mobile Katale, you simply send an email with your order and the it

shall be delivered to your office.

The charge for the delivery is 5,000 per delivery. Our slogan is “.......simply convenient”

Ronnie – 077–6-222002Gonza -077-5-896999

e-mail us @ [email protected]

Arusha is one o Tanzania’s city most

attractive towns and the home o Tanzanite.

ItS the headquarters o a revived clone o

the East Arican Cooperation The United

National International Criminal Tribunal or

Rwanda (UN-ICTR) is also based here. IT is

also the home o Tanzanite.

The town sits in lush, green countryside at

the oot o Mt. Meru (4556m) and enjoys atemperate climate throughout the year. For

travelers, Arusha is the gateway to Serengeti,

Lake Manyara Tarangire and Arusha national

parks and the Ngorongoro Conservation Area.

Things YOU must do while here:

Visit the ew night clubs. (Don’t expect much

because you will be disappointed) But you

will have un and drink wine like water plus

lots o cocktails and meet riendly people.

Must eat Nyama Choma plus roasted

Bananas. Each and every pub oers this.

Must drink “Kilimanjaro” The Nile Beer o

Tanzania

Must Eat “Chips Mayayi” It’s cooked in a

special way where the chips is mixed with

the eggs to orm a “cakish” look. SO be keen

when you want chips and eggs. You mighthave to say plain chips, plain eggs.

All hotels in Arusha are 5 star hotels. Even the

one in the deepest village.

Expect to see 4/5 o cars with UN number

plates or EAC…Okay, things are a bit

expensive because o them. But we stillsurvive.

You must speak KISWAHILI or at least know

how to greet. Kiswahili is an oicial language

and used everywhere thus English is or a ew

and or those who studied abroad.

The public transport system is pathetic…

Don’t expect to seat alone. You have to

share. A 3 seater carries 4 people plus others

standing with the doors open. But transport

around town is cheap

You must climb Kilimanjaro which is the

highest mountain in Arica

Must visit one o the 8 wonders o the world:

Olduvai gorge (Origin o mankind) and the

Ngorongoro Crater(World largest Volcanic

Caldera)….It’s unbelievable… Plus many

more National Parks to visit out o town and

spend nights in cozy tented camps out o town

The cost o living here is, unbelievably, too

high because o the presence o ICTR in this

town. Try to go around town looking or a

house to rent and you will be shocked. The

landlord would ask you i you are working

with the tribunal, i not, you are a goner. He

won’t consider you because he knows or

sure that you cannot aord one year rent

in advance.

When the tribal closes down in 2010 it m

economic and social problems. Activitie

this town will drop . In the irst place, loc

people employed by the ICTR sta woul

be rendered jobless. I am talking about th

guarding houses and others also doing m

jobs in residences occupied by ICTR sta

The second to suer will be the AICC. T

are now rejoicing with the money they a

getting by letting out oices and houses

the same sinking boat are owners o petr

stations, Bureaux de Change and the m

o shops that you see in town.

Since the establishment o the ICTR in

Arusha the town and its environs gained

ame world wide. But ame came along

with the high price that we had to pay an

still enduring. Prices o all commodities

housing went up astronomically. Now th

court is shutting down and sta are movi

out, Arusha will hopeully be going bac

its old low prices.

Safiya KodetThe Writer lives and Works in Arusha.

[email protected]

10

STRANGE

FACTS!

Town in focus

ARUSHA

Davis Musinguzi

Bsess Wtch



BAN-KAI!

Fast orward a ew years (a lietime or those born in the late nineties J), pe

discovered and allen in love with T.V shows that can now be borrowed ro

library, 24, C.S.I., Prison break,One Tree Hill, that list is endless. Somewh

that, sometime during 2006, someone discovers “Avatar: the last air-bende

a cartoon that even the “grown up boys” (read men) liked to watch (he, I’ve

heard o an instance o some guy breaking up with his chic coz she couldn

him watching avatar!), and yes, it reminded many o us o those early days

“Samurai X” was the in thing. O course, what with the digital age being w

someone had to go and look or it, and the curtains were drawn back… the

much more…

BLEACH, Naruto, Inuyasha, Fullmetal Alchemist, Neon Genesis Evangel

the list goes on, and “Samurai X”? Well, the real title is “Rurouni Kenshin”

ound anime (pronounced ænəəmeə). So what i most o it was in Japanes

what the subtitles are or! Ater watching it or a while in Japanese you’ll a

ind the translated versions a bit…, well, lacking.

O course, the “normal” people at this point were wondering (still are I sup

what is it with those guys and cartoons? And what language is that anyway

would I do that when I have a perectly good season o Boston legal to wat

Well, don’t knock it till you’ve tried it. From the dark deinitely adult story

Claymore, Neon Genesis Evangelion and Blood +, to the cocky adrenaline

is BLEACH (yes, in italicized capitals) and Devil May Cry, to the more mi

Naruto, there is literally something or everyone (yes girls, there are even r

comedies, try “Honey and Clover” or “Oh, My Goddess”)*. Remember th

I mentioned? Yes, everything above the surace had been uncovered (not d

and it was a veritable mountain!! People started talking about OVAs, omak

chibis, yes, they do make sense to the initiated. But what lay just beneath t

You know how the clihanger at the end o say episode 18 o season 2 o …

(insert your avourite show here) can have you aching to know what happe

Enter Manga…

For those who know what I mean…

“BAN-KAI!!”

Manga consists o Japanese style comics and print cartoons and i you like

you’ll love Manga. Sure, it’s a bit dierent rom the western style comics t

gotten used to; or one thing they are in black and white rather than colour,

point, who cares!! You know the way most o the great epic movies we see

on books? So it is with Anime. At least 70% o the running anime shows (t

I know at least) are based on Manga o the same name, and o course, the M

oten way ahead o the anime.

Imagine watching The Lord o the Rings in 2002, and then suddenly realiz

you could just read the book and get the whole story without having to wai

year to watch it! So what i it is black and white? So what i you have to lea

rom let to right? We had inally achieved Bankai!!

The Idler’s Corner o here I am, sitting at my pc and wracking my brain for something to write, after all, the work-zine

s coming out in a couple of days or so… slated to at least, what with Eid (is it even written like that?My spell-check doesn’t get it, everyone pronounces it “Iddy” anyway) over the weekend (couldn’t

have been on Monday?) Our dear editor just might have stuffed himself too much to do anythingbout it. Anyway, like I was saying, here I am, drawing a huge blank about what to write. Actually,Huge” is a bit of an understatement, a magnificently gargantuan blank is more like it. But then Iuppose akelly needs someone to balance out her… well, let’s just call it “a slight imbalance” shall

we? She does know where I live now you know. Not that I’m much of an improvement, but hey, I’mll you got.

Now what was I thinking? Some blooming idiotic fool (two negatives do NOT make a positive in thisase) just showed up and cut off my flow to a perfectly good rant, it would have been splendid I tell

ou. Seriously, who visits at 12:30 A.M.? Here I am burning the midnight oil so I can actually haveomething for my fans (I know you’re out there (I hope)) and he bangs the door making a racket hugenough to send any self respecting father of three under the single bed he shares with his wife andetting the kids fend for themselves for the rest of the night (mbu out there in outside countries theuy gets out of bed and grabs a baseball bat to go and play at being superman, for me I (perfectlycceptable grammar in Ugandan English) have never even seen a real life baseball bat (or butt for that

matter), so you’ll excuse me if I’m of the camp that would actually be telling the wife to push up andSSHH!!” before they catch us.)

Well, fortunately for my hopeful visitor I have a slight death wish and was actually half hopinghat I would be looking at a very sharp knife at the very least when I opened the door, or at the very

worst some bonnie lass in the kind of distress that would require me to hunt down my sword (readrembling tea spoon (it could take out an eye you know)) and very rusty armor (really just a chastityelt with a four number combination to open, it does protect the important parts you know) to playhe “Knight in shining armor” bit (what is wit this American spell-check thingy anyway? there is au” in the word armor you know, stupid computer. And it actually capitalizes the “a” in “American”ee, there it goes again! Tch tch.) Well, it was no lass, not even a wench!! (Blame my language onhe books I’m reading.) And he all set to put me in distress!! And he had the nerve to ask me why the

mile I gave him showed all my teeth!suppose I could give you the blow by blow of that visit, but being the gentleman that I am, I willpare you any reason to cast aspersion on my character and only say that when I did very politely, butrmly enough to brook no argument kick him out in no uncertain terms (no, it is not raining outside,

eally, let’s just call it a heavy dew coming down, never mind the occasional flash of lightning), it wasor his own good rather than to ensure that I had a good night’s sleep which I really should be headingo right about now. See, I really am a good guy. :)

Disclaimer: No one was harmed during the writing of this article. Really.

he company is screaming MAYDAY

MAYDAY!

How do i know?? Budget cuts. That’s what they

all it. Credit crunch. That’s what they blame itn. I thought this only affected AIG, and even

hose employees are still enjoying full benefits.

all begun when they fired the cleaner, and

made the gateman take up his duties with

bsolutely no salary increase.

We carried on like there was no problem.

miling in corridors, sharing jokes, begging the

osses for lifts down the hill; generally life was

till good.

Next came the absence of small things. No

amosas for breakfast, just chapatis, eggs,

hicken pies and white coffee. Then no chapatis

or breakfast, just eggs, chicken pies and white

offee. Then no eggs for breakfast, just chicken

ies and white coffee. Then no chicken pies

or breakfast, just white coffee. Then it was

lack coffee. Then it was black tea. Now we

re advised to have breakfast before we come

n as there is alot of work and no breakfast

me to waste. This time, although we felt the

inch, we acted like all was good. We still gave

he occassional smiles in the corridors, but the

okes ceased! Must have been because they

were usually told over breakfast. The lifts, those

ould not be avoided because everyone who has

een up here knows the place is far.

After that came the water saga. Yes! We are one

f those offices that have water dispensers at all

orners. Water for the front desk, water for the

nterns, water for the guests, water for each boss

n his capacity, and so on. Right now, there is

ust water for the kitchen staff, which we now

ll use. The excuse they gave is no one really

as time to go down to the supermarket to buy

re-fills.

We got used to these things, and work went on,

but the tension was eminent.

Then, vendors started harrasing me for their

pay. Some had not been paid in like eight

months. This was crazy, but this did not perturbme at all. It would not affect my salary, so what

the heck! No stress. I did what i do best, lied to

them, and they believed.

Many more vendors came and went with no

option but to be patient.

What happened next was kind of anticipated.

Meals were stopped. Considering we had been

eating on credit for four months, one would

have been a fool to be suprised. What suprised

us instead was the fact that we were not given

lunch allowance after that. We were encouraged

never to miss lunch, and keep our receipts. Had

to buy a new handbag. These things accumulate

so freakin fast.

All the while, salaries had always been paid

on time. By the 28th of every month, ouraccounts were credited. So when we were told

that salaries would be paid on the 5th of every

month, a bulb was lit in my head. But not bright

enough to worry me.

Today as i write this, i must say the bulb has

burst because it is the 23rd and i am still waiting

on that 5th salary. Honestly, i never knew

budget cuts could impinge on the salaries.

Well, thats me. I’v been told i have delayed

understanding (DU), and i think now i agree.

My boyfriend said he noticed our SOS cry

when they stopped the meals, and i was stupid

not to notice as that was the time his lunch visits

also ended.

To sum it all up, when there’s something

strange, in the com-pa-ny, who you gonnacall............??? Are there Company busters????

Somebody?? Anybody??

This is an SOS!

Remember the time when 3:30 p.m. meant you were rushing home rom sc

to try and catch the latest episode o “Samurai X” on Sanyu Television? No

something you wanted to miss… I don’t know how many times we watche

re-watched those 80 or so episodes they kept airing (or some reason they n

did inish the story!!). Ah, beginnings… or the ledgling pirate it was abou

time we realized “Hey, I can record these on tape (tape!! Can you imagine,

and watch them over and over.” And or the ledgling Manga addict? Well,

was barely the tip o the tip o a huge iceberg.

Sara Akelly Brian Coutinho



Sports DumpF.1:

Fisichella has completed his dream move to Ferrari

. Rumour has it that orce India got a letter rom Al Capone himsel so they just

couldn’t stand in Ferrari’s way. Now there came Monza, a race circuit without a lot o down

orce. Well, the stage was set or the Brawn cars. Barichello’s second win in two races, Button second. No

this dude Hamilton had this misconceived idea that he could out muscle a Brawn car. Look where it got him. In the

barricades.

SOCCER:

Someone needs to give me some superlatives with which to describe Maradona. Does that dude know how rustrated one can be watching

that Argentine display at 3.30a.m!!Aguerro not starting an important qualier against Brazil AT HOME is beyond me. Granted the dude is a

national hero. As close to God as a mere mortal can come, but his decisions are so bafing. I I was the Argentines’ coach, it’d be me telling them,“do your thing out there, we’ll win or sure.” Maradona apparently doesn’t get this concept and has managed to kill the creative engine that traditionall

drives them. Don’t ask me about France and Portugal. Perennial pretenders. I will not miss them.

nchester City: Beating Arsenal 4-2 has really made me seriously think about Man City . And to think they were without Robinho and Tevez!! Adebayor’s

bration was the highlight o the game or me. I Money City’s top our credentials were ever in much doubt, the Manchester derby should have been tes-

ony enough . Forget United’s deensive horrors, many teams have ailed to take advantage o them. It’s the way City clinically tucked away every woe that

ght the eye. No team in the premiership has such re power I insist. At this rate, we are looking or nominations o who is leaving the top our. Is it notewo

that the battle o Manchester was won by a certain Owen who cost 47m less than the crocked Tevez??

enal: Wenger complaining about Fletcher kicking the Arsenal mideld out o the game. Seriously, you would think the dude would have learnt by now.

at’s how every team that beats Arsenal manages to do it. Remember the days when Lauren Mayer and Ljunmberg were the smallest on the Arsenal team?

uld any one kick Vieira out a game?? No. What happened?? Unbeaten run. But then again Wenger knows best!! Arsenal’s champions league game showed

nger that winning ugly really isn’t such a bad idea. Take nothing away rom Arsenal or rather Thomas Vermaelen, in the game against Wigan. And the dud

ow Arsenal’s top scorer. And he went about his goal scoring duties while ensuring that the gooners kept a clean sheet.

erpool: .Ever since the loss to Martin O’Neal’s men Loserpool have since gone ahead to win all their available points even in Europe. Against Westham

ugh it was evident that they still have a lot o work to do. Torres. The buy o this season’s antasy league. Two goals when the going was tough were enoug

ive the scousers maximum points. At the end o the day you wonder what poor Benitez will do when El Niño gets injured.

nchester United: The result against Spurs, totally unexpected or me. Especially ater Lennon had given such a good account o himsel against Croatia in

dweek. But I must say, Wayne Wonder might be the man to watch. Notably Giggs maintained his record as the only player to score in all the premiership

sons. The champions league win away in Turkey was probably notable or a ew things. First is the act that Scholes remains the only good passer o the

l in this united side. Gone are the days when Becks, Veron and Scholesy would ping around passes just or laughs. Oh, and the Turkish ans are out o this

rld. No sense o shame, its like carnival nite with no adult games banned. O course there was the Wayne Rooney incident. According to him it was a resul

a saliva missile red at him. The Manchester derby came and went. I must say it’s the most exciting game I have seen since the last time United played Ro

drid. But have u ever seen such crocked deending? But Michael who?? That extra time goal has gotten me considering believing.

ttenham Hotspurs & Aston Villa: many have already sent Spurs to the Europa league. I say don’t be too rash, these dudes and City can seriously change the

ape o the top our this season. And remember that Aston Villa are grinding out results even when they are playing bad. OMG. Imagine a top our with City

la and Spurs in it. Well ater Martin O’Neal suplexed ReoCoker and then bounced him rom the training camp or good measure, apparently the rest o thm got the message crystal clear. THE MAN ALSO KNOWS THE PEOPLE’S ELBOW. How else can you explain Milner’s display against Pompey? Whi

od old ‘Arry and his lovely wie were let bemused by the penalty or lack o it thereo against Chelsea, the rest o us saw that not only did Drogba drog the

also they are realy simply top 4 pretenders. And he has apparently ound a way o getting into the top our.

OTO GP: The sight o Jorge Lorenzo disappointed ater nishing second to Rossi at Misano was simply boring. I mean, 90% o everyone (stewards and rac

cials included) at the circuit were routing or Rossi. Then Rossi makes the pass on both him and Pedrosa and he still shakes his head?? When he nally

anaged to pass Pedrosa (a whole 5 laps later), Rossi who had been hiding his real pace up to until then showed what real pace is. Lorenzo was so shocked

at despite having a aster bike and less uel than his teammate just went on to lose 1.5 seconds every lap. Two incidents were winners in this race, 1. Pedro

nning out o uel ater nishing 3rd and having to hitch a ride. 2. The donkey ears (you needed to see it to understand).

Lourd Muwonge Matt



Sports DumpLourd Muwonge Matt

ENNIS:. I lost the bet on Venus and Federer winning the US open. But Christ, Kim Clijsters has never battered bette

nd she hasn’t played in two years. Wow. Did you see Murray shrink when he lost the rst set to Cilic? The dude was

shell shocked you could see it the entire game. O course my best part was when he went on to lose 5-7, 2-6, 2-6.

eanwhile or exactly 2 hours tennis was or once the most watched event on Italian TV. For some reason they thoug

rreta could survive Serena. The 17 year old Melanie Oudin was solely responsible or bringing down the USSR

orry Russia). She went through Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova, Elena Dementieva, Maria Sharapova, and Nadia Petrova

d you catch her custom made Adidas Barricade sneakers? She credits her 15 year old boyriend (PAUSE…15??

NT SHE 17? Won’t it be delement starting next year?) Austin Smith or suggesting that she etch the encouraging

ord “Believe” into the heels o her tennis shoes, where most players would simply etch their own names instead. Oh

d she has a twin sister… catch my drit…. Wink. Did I mention that her serve is no where near the 100Mph speed?

ur aces in our games?? One wonders how she wins. Well she hustles best and runs around the court astest and bare

akes unorced errors. I guess Wozniacki (where do these people get their names?) hadn’t read the script; she ended

e Cinderella story then had the guts to apologise or it. Serena Williams lost the women’s nal without playing or

atch point. The point was awarded to Kim Clijsters ater Serena threatened to shove the ball down the umpire’s thro

o mother had captured a major since Evonne Goolagong Cawley in 1980 at Wimbledon. The Williamses o course

on the doubles. Men’s tennis. I really must admit I didn’t see this coming. First o all, the Argentine Juan martin De

otro thrashing Nadal in straight sets, 6-2, 6-2, 6-2.Second was Roger Federer’s shot . That was the shot o the centur

the semi nal against Novak Djokovic. I u didn’t see it, it’s on you tube. Just how Del Potro, 20, came rom two-

ts-to-one down to stun reigning champ 3-6 7-6 4-6 7-6 6-2 we shall never know. An emotional Del Potro said: “I had

o dreams. One was to win the US Open and one was to be like Roger. I have achieved the rst.”

OCAL SPORT: Hakim Magumba (speed merchant) and Phillip Obwiny back at Villa Park?? Surely we can’t be that

sperate. Unless Sula Kato is going to do us all a big avour and bench them. I won’t deny they were somewhat re-

onsible or the glory days o the nineties and late eighties but they are truly way past it. Red pepper Vs Sanyu FM.

0 to the pepper guys?? LOL. All Hussein’s yapping remained in the studio?? But the sight o Melanie in some thing

at looked like a cheerleader’s costume. Appalling. Where was her ‘dude’?? She looks good good BTW. Last season

w the emergence o an S.C. Villa team that had taken kawoowo to a whole new level. These guys would play such

autiul ootball that like LL Cool J they would be amazed by their own beauty. Unortunately they like a certain tea

om a certain Emirates stadium would always orget to score. Now these pirates’ dudes are just too bad. Seriously

ain…… When the game looked well, over and done with they managed to mess up. What’s wrong with these dudes

omeone opined that they be over staring at the dude roasting pork but I don’t buy that. Now there is Mulindwa and

onies. These guys are trying to interpret the FUFA constitution using the dictionary. That’s just wrong and stupid.ama Mwajib sue those idiots.

RIP all who died during the riots.

The leader of the free world (Mr. Obama) called Kanye West a jackass. Cool. Did you see Mitchell

bama in those shorts jumping o air orce one?? Eh eeh??

Ellen Deggeneras new idols judge… Either she will pull it off, or she is about to op HUGE.

he woman can’t be serious. Even when she is serious she manages to crack you up.

still insist, Kanye West should go back to the village. Probably Kayunga.

need to be praised for this column.



First comes the look, then comes fire.

There comes the touch , then comes

desire.

These lines from Lukas Simari’s song

fire are alive everyday in office. You

see each other everyday. You spend the whole day with each other, you sit

next to each other in office. You laugh

and chat the whole year round. You go

to office parties together. You quarrel

at office meetings. You know each

other even probably better than your

respective partners. And the clincher :

week long office workshops upcountry

and late nights at work . Then you

notice how smart they are. The sense

of style. How easy conversation is.

And just like that , you find yourself in

an office relationship. Ian <citibank>

says he wouldn’t go down that road.

“What if things turn bad and you

have to see her everyday? Hell no!!!”

Monice <Local Government> doesn’t

find it a problem. “There is nothing

wrong, it happens all the time in office.

You just have to know how to control

yourself.” Halimah <Zain> finds it

a bit of a problem. “When things get

out, shit can hit the fan. Case in point”

Albert, a human Resource manager

says it depends on company policy.

“some organizations discourage itm

others don’t. I would obey the rules.”

John <IT firm> on the other hand

“life is short. What if you die with

regrets? Just do it and get it out of your

system. She may even end up as your wife.” Mary <RICD> tends to agree

but cautiously “I think one should

keep it on t he low-low and pray that

people don’t notice.” Flavia <withheld

> rubbishes that “of course people

notice, we are not blind!! And we wait

for the fallout. It always comes and

provides very good entertainment.”

the cross section of people interviewed

tend not to be decisive or rakned in

any way. Most seem to suggest that

they wouldn’t be sure about what to do.

George <psychology major somewhere

in the UK > explains this, “Dude!! Its

temptation palin and simple, Eve ”

Dear Sir,Greetings. Why you insist that we call you Sir as opposed to your real name is beyond me. Sorry, I

digress. The purpose of this letter is to clear the hot air that has been looming over this office like a

noxious gas. And before you begin to offer suggestions we (read ‘I’) want to point out that the probl

is you.

Sir, what we want to know is this, who died and left you in charge? Must we remind you that carryin

out certain operations (which we are yet to clarify) does not make you the boss? You boast about yospecial relationship with the boss because your sister helped his wife get a maid (yes we know abou

that); I gave him change to buy newspapers last week but you don’t see me writing a song about it.

I am aware of your tendency to deny the many claims that are brought against you. Honestly

some of your emotional outbursts leave us wondering about your sex. Please, this is Uganda, not

South Africa, be clear! I remember how you ranted and raved like a possessed woman when they

stopped selling Pepsi products at the canteen. God forbid you actually win a free soda let alone

a ‘Chamuka ride’. Surely the prayers of many must count for something.

Fortunately you have two things going for you;

This is not Workers’ house and we are limited to one floor with burglar proof windows.

I am a ‘mulokole’ and lead the lunch hour fellowship of which you are a part. I also believe that

although you are a spear in my side I will receive my reward in heaven if I endure. However, please

that my endurance is running its last lap.

Lat week you got a promotion. We know. We all attended the meeting and clearly you were just as

shocked as we were. Fortunately, the emotional and psychological turmoil we have suffered is abou

to come to an end. We are trying our best to refrain from premature jubilation. Our prayer is that

you get posted to another country in a company that is involved in space exploration, so you can

go do projects in a distant galaxy. But who are we to ask the good Lord for all this when there are

more pressing issues like Iraq and black mambas? So we will settle for the office at the end of the

corridor. Good riddance.

PS: Keep wearing those shoes that sound like 6 inch stilettos. We like to be prepared for your grand

entrance into the building. The askari actually said he can hear you getting out of taxis at the stage. I

believe him.

PSS: What is it that you actually do here?Regards,

ALL OF US

Rebecca Wana Abonyo

The Boss and The Trainee

A Man joined a big Multi National Company

as a trainee. On his irst day he dialed the

pantry and shouted into the phone, “Get me acoee quickly!”

The voice rom the other side responded,

“You ool you’ve dialed the wrong extension!

Do you know who you’re talking to, dumbo?”

“No”, replied the trainee.

“It’s the Managing Director o the company,

you ool!”

The man shouted back, “And do you know

who YOU are talking to, you ool?”

“No”, replied the Managing Director.

“That’s Good!”, replied the trainee and put

down the phone!

HUMor CeNtral

Not Loving thy workmate

Lorraine

John adored and loved his girl-riend, Lorraine, to whom he was

engaged to be married. Weddingplans were well underway and hewas looking orward to spendingthe rest o his lie with Lorraine.However, a beautiul young lady,called Clearly, came to work in hisglen and they ound that they goton together very well and as timewent by, John realised that he wasin love with Clearly and that the

Love was reciprocated.Being a gentleman he decidedas he had promised to marry Lraine he would do so and steadremoved himsel rom his otherelationship.One day, he and Lorraine were

walking along the banks o theRiver Nile. As they walked, Loraine slipped and ell into the rand was swept away and drowHe stood on the bank or a ewminutes eeling very sad beorwalking away singing happily.And this is what he sang: “I casee clearly now Lorraine hasgone.” Submitted by : Stevan Ho



Sports DumpLourd Muwonge Matt

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BIRTHDAY WISHES

Joshua Nkurunziza, Riley , Kar-

ugaba Roy , Kaboneke Zaamu,

Jackson Edua, Sandra Higgins,

Paul Mwirigi , Davis Musinguzi,

Juma Boghol, Cissy Kengoro

Classifieds

Work Zine Vol Issue 5

Documents

Transcript of Work Zine Vol Issue 5