Children have to be taught discipline. They are not born with it. Little by little, parents have to teach it to them. While teaching discipline does take time and practice, it gets easier as children learn to control their own behavior. And best of all, teaching discipline does not have to hurt either the parents or the kids. Here are a few suggestions to the questions you may be having in teaching your children discipline. Parents ask...What is discipline? Discipline is helping children develop self-control. Discipline is setting limits and correcting misbehavior. Discipline also is encouraging children, guiding them, helping them feel good about themselves, and teaching them how to think for themselves. Is spanking a useful approach to discipline? No. Discipline should help children learn how to control their own behavior. Spanking is used to directly control children's behavior. Spanking does not teach children how to change what they do, as good discipline should. Isn't it easier to just spank my children? It may seem easy at the time. But babies who are hit often cry louder. Older children who are hit often are learning to solve problems by hitting others. Many parents notice that after a spanking, children may settle down for a while, but pretty soon they start misbehaving again.

Won't spanking teach children who is in charge? Kids do need to know that the adult is in charge. Spanking can teach children to be afraid of the adult in charge. Good discipline teaches children to respect the adult in charge. Respect goes both ways- treat children with respect and let them have some control, and they will respect you and listen to you. Won't spanking make my children afraid to misbehave? It can. Spanking can make children afraid to misbehave, but probably only when you are watching. Children need to learn to control their own behavior even when you are not around to watch them. Don't children need a good spanking sometimes? No child needs a spanking. Spanking can be dangerous. You can never tell when children will be hurt by a spanking if you lose control. Children do not need to be hit in order to learn how to behave.

If I don’t spank, then what can I do? You can do lots of things that will help your children learn self-control- you can help them feel good about themselves, you can show them how a person with self-control acts, you can guide them, you can set limits, you can correct misbehavior by talking to them, and you can teach them how to think for themselves. What can I do to help my children feel good about themselves? Let them know what they are doing right, as well as about the mistakes they make. Hearing good things makes us feel good and makes us want to do more good things. Say two nice but true things to children for every time you correct them. Remember, when they are changing their behavior, tell them how well they are doing, even if they only improve just a little. "Great, you played in the playground all morning without fighting." What do I need to do to guide them? One thing is to set routines for bedtime, meals and chores. Routines help children feel safe, because they know what parents expect. Young children have a hard time going from one activity to another. Warning them a few minutes ahead helps them get ready. You can say, "You have five more minutes before bedtime." Be clear about their choices. "You can have milk or juice, but you can't have soda." Remind them of your rules. Just saying no is not enough. Children often need reminders.

Here are some tips for setting limits: 1. Start with only a few rules. The more rules you have, the harder it will be for your children to remember them. 2. Know why you are saying no. As a parent you must keep your children healthy and safe. You must help your children learn to get along with other people. And you must stick to what you believe in. Explain your reasons for saying no. Be sure your child understands your reasons. "You cannot take your bike across town because there is too much traffic and you might get hurt." 3. Give kids a voice. Kids need a voice in setting limits. They need a chance to tell you what they think and feel. Even a child of five or six can talk with you and help you set fair limits. When kids help you make rules, they are more likely to obey them. It's important to understand their point of view, but just because you listen to them does not mean that you have to agree with them and change your rules. You can set many limits together, though some may have to be set by you alone. 4. Say what you mean. Be very clear about your limits. For example, state clearly the hour you want your child to go to bed. Say "8 o'clock" instead of "You are going to bed in a little while." Setting limits does not make you a "meanie" forever - not if you are fair. When you stick to your limits, your children may not like what you are doing. It makes sense that they might be unhappy. Try not to get upset. It only makes things worse. Accept their feelings, but stick to your limits. For example, say, "It is hard to leave when you are having so much fun, but it is time to go." Fair limits show that you care. If you set limits that are unfair and too strict, your children will try to get back at you. If you do not set any limits, your children will push and push until someone sets a limit for them, even maybe a school principal or a policeman.

Information supplied by:

Childcare Enhancement With A Purpose

(CCEP)

Stephanie Eger Project Coordinator

Amelia Hardin Dee McNalley

Developmental Specialists

United Cerebral Palsy of Huntsville & TN Valley

256.859.4900

United Cerebral Palsy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Understanding Disabilities

Creating Opportunities

How to Teach Your

Children Discipline

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