RELATIONSHIPS

Are we prepared for Relationships?

Matthew 7:3-4

“and why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye?

“How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye?’’

FAITH BASED LEADERS

Healthy Leadership can not be seperated from healthy relationships.

Relationships are currency of God’s Kingdom.

PRINCIPLES OF RELATIONSHIPS

1. THE LENS PRINCIPLE

2. THE MIRROR PRINCIPLE

3. THE PAIN PRINCIPLE

4. THE HAMMER PRINCIPLE

5. THE ELEVATOR PRINCIPLE

1. THE LENS PRINCIPLE

Who We are Determines How We See Others.

Story of a traveler nearing a city asked an old man about the people who lived in that city. The old man enquires as to how were the people in his home town. The traveler replied, mean, untrustworthy and detestable in all respects. The old man replied, you will find the people same here. Soon after another traveler asked the old man the same question. Again the old man asked him about the people where he was from. The second traveler responded, they were honest, industrious and friendly. The old man replied to the traveler that you will find the people same here.

The old man was very wise to see other people as a reflection of themselves.

If I am a ________person, I will see others as_______.

If I am a ________person, I will see others as_______.

If I am a ________person, I will see others as_______.

BIBLical CASE STUDY—IANABAL

(I SAMUEL 25:1-42)

• David was anointed by Samuel as future king. David was also known as the protector of the land.

• David and his men passed through Nabal’s property.

• David asked Nabal to spare some food and drinks for his men.

• Nabal was a wealthy man. • He refused to give anything to David and

his men. Insulted them and sent them away.

NABAL’S FAILURES

• Nabal’s self-awareness was very low.• He was so caught up in his own selfish little

world.• Nabal was wealthy and satisfied, but did not

want to build relationships. (v.2)• He was selfish and distrustful of others.

(v.3)• His was numb to good attitude (He did not

give or receive encouragement)• He discouraged healthy and good

relationships. (v.6)

he forgot how others helped him. (v.7-8)

He belittled others. (v.10)

He failed to count the blessings and counted only losses.

he was insecure, self centered, insensitive and not generous. (v.11)

he was building his own (worldly) kingdom, not god’s kingdom. (v.11)

BIBLE CASE STUDY—IBABIGAIL

(I SAMUEL 25:1-42)

• Abigail was Nabal’s wife. She heard about this mistreatment and knew David would retaliate.

• She wanted to have good relationship with David and won him over.

• David left in peace.

ABIGAIL’S SUCCESS

• Risky initiative• Emotional

security• Genuine humility• Personal

responsibility• Selfless attitude

Generous spirit

Forthright approach

Quick wit

Eternal perspective

Kind affirmation

2. THE MIRROR PRINCIPLE

The First Person We must Examine is Ourselves

The first person we must examine is ourselves.

Coping with difficult people is always a problem, especially if the difficult person happens to be you.

Take care of your own blind spots and character flaws. (This is Self- Leadership).

BIBLE CASE STUDY—IiDavid (II Samuel 11-12)

1. King David was considered as the greatest king in the history of Israel.

2. Jesus was even called the “Son of David.”

3. However David failed to follow the “Mirror Principle.”

4. Neglectsinmore sinadulterydeceptionmurder

5. Abuse of power led to his failure. (II Sam.11)

FIVE COMMON ABUSES OF POWER THAT LEADERS FACE

TODAY1. Drifting away from those disciplines

we still demand in others. (v.1)2. Believing that others owe us, we

shamelessly use them. (v.2-3)3. Attempting to fix things up rather

than make things right. (v.6)4. Refusing to accept the fact we could

be blindly out of God’s will. (v.11)

5. Believing that people in our way are expendable. (v.14)

People who are unaware of who they are and what they

do, often damage relationships

THE MIRROR TEST

Consider the following truths

that every leader must understand.

THE MIRROR TEST 1.The first person I must ------ is myself.(self-

awarness)2.The first person I must get ------ with is

myself. (self- image)3. The first person I must ----------------------- is

myself. (self-improvement)4. The person to-------------- me problems is

myself. (self-honesty). 5.The first person that can make a ----------------

is myself.( self-responsibility)6.The first person I must ------------ is myself.

(self-leadership)

Rom2:1 Therefore thou art inexcusable, O man, whosoever thou art that judgest: for wherein thou judgest another, thou condemnest thyself; for thou that judgest doest the same things.

Examine yourself and take responsibility for who you are

3.The Pain Principle

• Hurting People Hurt People and Are Easily Hurt by Them

People hurt others when they are emotionally damaged.

Unfortunately the leaders get blamed for the hurt caused because they are the ones who are responsible for the organization.

FOUR TRUTHS

1. There are many hurting people.

2. Those hurting people often hurt people.

3. Those hurting people are often hurt by people.

4. Those hurting people often hurt themselves.

BIBLE CASE STUDY—IIIKING SAUL (I Samuel 18:6-29)

KING SAUL RECOGNISES DAVID AS:

1. A mighty warrior. 2. Valuable team

member.3. An obedient servant.4. A favored man. 5. An effective leader.6. Potential successor 7. Threat to him

Saul’s insecurity soared high when

David was compared to him and was considered superior. He showed the following symptoms:

Suspicion (v.9)Attempted murder (v.11)Fear (v.11)Insecurity (v.15-16)Conspiracy (v.13,17)

Dealing with Hurting People

Don’t take it personally: Be ------------

Look beyond the person for problem: Be ---------

Look behind the situation: Be-----------

Do not add to their hurt: Be--------------

Help them find help: Be------------

Have you been hurt by someone?\

Do you understand the hurt behind their action?

4. The hammer principleNever use a hammer to swat a fly off

OF someone’s head.

Easiest traps for a leader to fall into is to exaggerate a situation. We get caught emotionally in our problems and overreact to them. This is called swatting a fly with a hammer.Leaders must be steady, wise and objective to win the trust of others.Their steady behaviour has calming effect on followers.

BIBLE CASE STUDY—IVExamples of People in the Bible unnecessarily using “hammers”--Overreacting

1. Joseph’s brothers leaving Joseph in a pit to die. (Gen. 37:20-27)

2. King David sent Uriah to the battle front to die. (II Sam. 11:14-27)

3. Herod the king executing infant males. (Matt. 2:1-18)

4. Pilate executing an innocent defendant Lord Jesus Christ. (Matt. 27:11-26)

Try practicing the following principles

• Don’t jump to conclusions, but listen to gain a big picture perspective. ------------------------

• When you act may be as important as taking the right action.-------------

• People often respond to our attitudes more than our words.--------

• Make sure the problem and the reaction match.------------------------

5. THE ELEVATOR PRINCIPLE

We can lift people up or take them down in relationships

Every relationship we have, we either add value or consume value.Adding value is imperative for leaders.Lift others up.Believe the best about them.Encourage and empower them.Compliment others.

“The world is starving for appreciation. It is hungry forcompliments. But somebody must start the ball rolling,by speaking first”.- by a noted psychologist.

BIBLE CASE STUDY—VThe story of Jonah and the people

of Nineveh(Jonah4:1-11)• Jonah is a classic failure in this principle.• He preached to the people of Nineveh to

repent but he did not do so from the bottom of his heart.

• When God forgave their sin and didn't punish them, Jonah got angry.

• Jonah wanted justice not mercy.• He had no intention of making his ministry

to Nineveh redemptive.• When God told Jonah to minister to the

people in that city, he turned and ran the other direction.

• Jonah teaches us the consequences of refusing to encourage and serve others.

Consequences of refusing to encourage and serve others.

• We miss the privilege of partnership with God. (v.1-3)

• Our choice damages more than we know. (v.4)

• We become hardened and desensitized to the tragedies we cause. (v.5-8)

• We lose both integrity and trust.(v.9-10)

Taking others to a higher level

• Leaders who take others to a higher level, have some common characteristics:

• Leaders who lift others, commit themselves to daily ----------------.

• Leaders who lift others, know the smalldifference that separates hurting from---------------

• Leaders who lift others, understand that life is not a -----------. It all matters.

Would others say that you lift them upor take them down?

Courtesy: WINNING WITH PEOPLE