Willy Wonka Script

1

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

Movie Script

GUIDE TO THIS SCRIPT:

This transcription was completed May

10, 1998. In only a few places, the

words were hard to make out; these

places are indicated by a *** after

any word which is in question.

UPDATE - February 26, 1999

I have received the words that Willy

Wonka is singing during the

Wonkamobile ride! They are now in

the script, with translation!!!

Translations of foreign phrases

follow in brackets.

Scene numbers do not correspond to

every change of scene (e.g., the news

montages are lumped together). I

numbered in a way such that major

changes of locations or progressions

of action take a new number.

No credit info is listed -- you can

find it on the video or on any number

of Willy Wonka web sites.

Any info, suggestions, omissions, or

possible corrections (but I'll fight

ya tooth and nail!), please e-mail

the transcriber (Aaron Villa, not the

owner of this page) at -- Happy

reading!

WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE

FACTORY

transcribed by Aaron Villa

(Kids run from school to the Candy

Shop.)

1. BILL'S CANDY SHOP

(Kids enter, yelling.)

KIDS: (yelling) Sizzler! I want a

Sizzler!

BILL: All right, all right, all right,

what's it going to be? A triple

cream cup for Christopher . . .

KIDS: (yelling) A Squelchy Snorter!

BILL: A Squelchy Snorter for

Otis . . .

ONE KID: I want a Squelchy

Snorter . . .

BILL: A Sizzler for June Marie . . .

ANOTHER KID: C'mon, give me a

Sizzler . . .

BILL: And listen! Wonka's got a new

one today.

KIDS: What is it?

BILL: This is called a

Scrumdidilyumptious Bar.

WINKELMANN:(mispronouncing)

Scrumbibilyunctious Bar? How does

he do it?

BILL: My dear boy, do you ask a fish

how it swims?

2

WINKELMANN: No . . .

BILL: Or a bird how it flies?

WINKELMANN: No . . .

BILL: No sirree, you don't! They do

it because they were born to do it.

Just like Willy Wonka was born to be

a candy man, you look like you were

born to be a Wonkarer.

WHO CAN TAKE A SUNRISE

SPRINKLE IT WITH DEW

COVER IT IN CHOCOLATE AND A MIRACLE

OR TWO

THE CANDY MAN

THE CANDY MAN CAN

THE CANDY MAN CAN 'CAUSE HE MIXES IT

WITH LOVE

AND MAKES THE WORLD TASTE GOOD

WHO CAN TAKE A RAINBOW

WRAP IT IN A SIGH

SOAK IT IN THE SUN AND MAKE A

STRAWBERRY LEMON PIE

KIDS:

THE CANDY MAN?

BILL:

THE CANDY MAN

THE CANDY MAN CAN


WITH LOVE


KIDS: Me! Me!

BILL:

WILLY WONKA MAKES

EVERYTHING HE BAKES

SATISFYING AND DELICIOUS

TALK ABOUT YOUR CHILDHOOD WISHES

YOU CAN EVEN EAT THE DISHES

WHO CAN TAKE TOMORROW

DIP IT IN A DREAM

SEPARATE THE SORROW AND COLLECT UP

ALL THE CREAM

THE CANDY MAN

KIDS:

WILLY WONKA CAN

BILL:

THE CANDY MAN CAN


WITH LOVE


AND THE WORLD TASTES GOOD

'CAUSE THE CANDY MAN THINKS IT

SHOULD . . .

2. ON THE STREET

(Charlie has been watching through

the window. He

walks away, toward Mr. Jopeck's

newsstand.)

CHARLIE: Hi, Mr. Jopeck.

JOPECK: Ah, come along, Charlie;

you're late.

CHARLIE: It's payday, Mr. Jopeck.

JOPECK: You're right. (He pays

Charlie.) There you are.

CHARLIE: Thanks.

3

JOPECK: Say hello to your Grandpa

Joe.

CHARLIE: Okay.

(Charlie delivers the papers.)

3. WONKA'S FACTORY GATES

(Charlie stands outside the gates

looking at the factory.)

TINKER:

Up the airy mountain

Down the rushing glen

We dare not go a-hunting

For fear of little men.

You see: Nobody ever goes in, . . .

and nobody ever comes out!

4. BUCKETS' HOUSE

GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: Charlie's late.

GRANDPA JOE: He works too hard for a

little boy. He should have some time

to play.

MRS. BUCKET: Not enough hours in the

day. With the four of you bedridden

for the past twenty years, it takes

a lot of work to keep this family

going.

GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: If only his father

were alive.

GRANDPA JOE: Soon as I get my strength

back, I'm gonna get out of this bed

and help him.

MRS. BUCKET: Dad, in all the years

you've been saying you're going to

get out of that bed, I've yet to see

you set foot on the floor.

GRANDPA JOE: Well . . . maybe if the

floor wasn't so cold.

(Charlie enters.)

CHARLIE: Hi, everybody!

GRANDPA JOE: Wake up!

GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: Wake up!

GRANDPA JOE: Wake up; Charlie's home!

CHARLIE: Grandpa George. (He kisses

him.) Grandma

Georgina. (Kisses her.) Grandma

Josephine. (Kisses her.)

Grandpa Joe. (Kisses him. Looks at

Joe's bowl of cabbage water.) Is

this your supper, Grandpa?

GRANDPA JOE: Well, it's yours too,

Charlie.

CHARLIE: I'm fed up with cabbage

water. It's not enough!

GRANDMA GEORGINA: Charlie!

GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: It's all we have.

GRANDPA JOE: What are you saying?

CHARLIE: How about this? (Produces

a loaf of bread.)

MRS. BUCKET: Charlie, where'd you get

4

that?

GRANDPA JOE: What difference does it

make where he got it? Point is: he

got it.

CHARLIE: It's my first payday.

MRS. BUCKET: Good for you, Charlie.

We'll have a real banquet.

CHARLIE: Mom . . .? Here's what's

left. You keep it. Except for this.

From now on, I'm going to pay for your

tobacco.

GRANDPA JOE: No one's going to pay for

it, Charlie. I'm giving it up.

MRS. BUCKET: Come on, Dad, it's only

one pipe a day.

GRANDPA JOE: When a loaf of bread

looks like a banquet, I've no right

buying tobacco.

CHARLIE: Go on, Grandpa. Please

take it.

5. BUCKET'S HOUSE - LATER THAT NIGHT

CHARLIE: After I finished my paper

route, I was in front of Wonka's.

There was this strange man there. I

think he was a tinker. He was

standing right behind me, looking up

at the factory. Just before he left

he said, "Nobody ever goes in, and

nobody ever comes out."

GRANDPA JOE: And right he was,

Charlie. Not since the tragic day

that Willy Wonka locked it.

CHARLIE: Why'd he lock it?

GRANDPA JOE: Because all the other

chocolate makers in the world were

sending in spies--dressed as

workers!--to steal Mr. Wonka's

secret recipes. Especially

Slugworth . . . oh, that Slugworth,

he was the worst! Finally Mr. Wonka

shouted, "I shall be ruined! Close

the factory!" And that's just what

he did. He locked the gates and

vanished completely. And then

suddenly, about three years later,

the most amazing thing happened.

The factory started working again,

full blast! And more delicious

candies were coming out than ever

before. But the gates stayed locked

so that no one, not even Mr. Slugworth,

could steal them.

CHARLIE: But Grandpa, someone must be

helping Mr. Wonka work the factory.

GRANDPA JOE: Thousands must be

helping him.

CHARLIE: But who? Who are they?

GRANDPA JOE: That is the biggest

mystery of them all.

6. SCHOOL

MR. TURKENTINE: Charlie Bucket.

CHARLIE: Yes, Mr. Turkentine?

MR. TURKENTINE: I shall need an

5

assistant. Come and give me a hand.

(Charlie joins him at the front.)

We have here nitric acid, glycerin,

and a special mixture of my own.

Together it's horrible, dangerous

stuff; blows you up. But mixed

together in the right way, as only I

know how, what do you think it makes?

CHARLIE: I don't know, sir.

MR. TURKENTINE: Of course you don't

know. You don't know because only I

know. If you knew and I didn't know,

then you'd be teaching me instead of

me teaching you. And for a student

to teach his teacher is presumptuous

and rude. Do I make myself clear?

CHARLIE: Yes, sir.

(The students laugh.)

MR. TURKENTINE: Good. Now, mixed

together in the right way, these

three highly dangerous ingredients

make the finest wart remover in the

world. The trick is to pour them in

in equal amounts. Now, Charlie, you

take the nitric acid and the glycerin,

and I'll take my own special mixture.

You ready? Good lad: pour.

(They pour; the mixture emits a small

boom and a large puff of smoke. The

kids cheer.)

CHARLIE: Did we do it wrong?

MR. TURKENTINE: No, certainly not;

this is for very big warts.

(Commotion in the hall.)

KID #1 (O.C.): I'm gonna get there

first. Get out of my way.

MR. TURKENTINE: Now what's going on

out there?

KID #2 (O.C.): I hope there's still

some left.

(Mr. Turkentine opens the door.)

MR. TURKENTINE: You, Winkelmann,

come here. What's

happening?

WINKELMANN: Willy Wonka's opening

his factory; he's gonna let people

in.

MR. TURKENTINE: Are you sure?

WINKELMANN: It's on the radio. And

he's giving truckloads of chocolate

away.

MR. TURKENTINE: Class dismissed!

WINKELMANN: No, no, it's only for

five people.

MR. TURKENTINE: Class un-dismissed.

WINKELMANN: He's hidden five Golden

Tickets, and the people who find them

will win the big prize.

MR. TURKENTINE: Where's he hidden the

tickets?

WINKELMANN: Inside five Wonka Bars!

6

You gotta buy Wonka Bars to find 'em!

MR. TURKENTINE: Class re-dismissed!

KID #3 (O.C.): I'll meet you

downstairs.

KID #4 (O.C.): I'm gonna buy the whole

store!

(Commotion continues; kids saying,

"I'm gonna . . ." fades into the

general wash of noise.)

7. NEWSROOM

TV NEWSMAN: And now, details on the

sudden announcement that has

captured the attention of entire

world. Hidden among the countless

billions of Wonka Bars are five gold

tickets. And to the five people who

find them will come the most fabulous

prize one could wish for: a lifetime

supply of chocolate.

8. BUCKETS' HOUSE

TV NEWSMAN (on TV): (continuous) And

as if this were not enough, each

winner before he receives his prize

will be personally escorted through

the top secret chocolate factory . . .

GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: (on "escorted")

They're all crazy!

GRANDPA JOE: Sssshhh! The man's a

genius! He'll sell a million bars.

TV NEWSMAN: (continuous) . . . by the

mythical Willy Wonka himself. The

amount of chocolate involved in this

competition has relighted*** the

imagination to incite*** candy

eaters and all citizens around the

world.

CHARLIE: (on "involved") Grandpa, do

you think I've got a chance to find

one?

GRANDPA JOE: One? I'm counting on

you to find all five!

CHARLIE: One's enough for me.

9. NEWS MONTAGE

TV NEWSMAN: (continuous) Already we

have reports coming in that the

response is phenomenal. Wonka Bars

are beginning to disappear from candy

store shelves at a rate to boggle

the mind. Truly it is incredible the

way that Wonkamania has descended

upon the globe. While the world

searches, we watch and wait,

wondering where the pursuit will lead

and how long the spirit of man will

hold up under the strain.

10. PSYCHIATRIST'S OFFICE

HOFSTEDDER: I'm still having these

dreams, Doctor, and I still can't

stop myself from believing them.

DOCTOR: I've told, Mr. Hofstedder, to

believe in one's dreams is a

manifestation of insanity. And the

sooner you accept this, the sooner

you will get well.

7

HOFSTEDDER: But I dreamed the

Archangel appeared and whispered

into my ear and told me where to find

a Golden Wonka Ticket.

DOCTOR: And what exactly did he say?

HOFSTEDDER: Well what difference

does that make? This was a dream, a

fantasy. I mean, you said just now--

DOCTOR: Shut up, Hofstedder, and tell

me where the ticket is!

11. NEWSROOM

ANCHORMAN: We began with five Golden

Tickets like five lucky bolts of

lightning ready to strike without

notice at any point on the map. No

one knew where, no one knew when the

first one would hit. But as you all

know, last night we got our answer.

While we in America slept, the first

golden ticket was found in the small

town of Duselheim, Germany. We've

been waiting several hours for the

follow-up story, and we're finally

ready with a live report.

12. DUSELHEIM

GERMAN BROADCASTER: Proud we are, for

the attention of the entire world

focuses today right here in Duselheim,

a community suddenly thrust into

prominence by the unexpected

discovery of the first Wonka Golden

Ticket. Its lucky finder is the son

of our most prominent parve butcher.

The boy's name? Augustus Gloop.

Augustus Gloop, the pride of

Duselheim, the fame of Western

Germany, an example for the whole

world. Augustus, how does it make

you feel to be the first Golden Ticket

finder?

AUGUSTUS: Hungry.

GERMAN BROADCASTER: Any other

feelings?

AUGUSTUS: Feel sorry for Wonka.

It's gonna cost him a fortune in

fudge.

GERMAN BROACASTER: Mr. Gloop, would

you mind saying--

(Mr. Gloop bites off the end of the

microphone.)

GERMAN BROADCASTER: Mrs. Gloop,

would you care to say a few words to

the television audience?

MRS. GLOOP: I just knew Augustus

would find a Golden Ticket. Eating

is his hobby, you know. We encourage

him. He wouldn't do it unless he

needed the nourishment, would he?

Anyway, it's all vitamins.

(As Mrs. Gloop speaks, a strange man

[Slugworth]

whispers into Augustus' ear.)

13. BUCKETS' HOUSE

ALL: Happy Birthday, Charlie!

GRANDPA JOE: Happy Birthday.

8

MRS. BUCKET: Here you are, Charlie.

CHARLIE: Thank you. (Opens the

present; it's a long red scarf.)

It's terrific.

MRS. BUCKET: We each knitted a bit:

Grandma Georgina, Grandma Josephine,

and me.

GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: I did the end

pieces with the little tassels.

GRANDPA JOE: And here's a little gift

from Grandpa George and me.

CHARLIE: I think I know what this is.

(Opens the gift; it's a Wonka bar.)

It is: a Wonka.

GRANDPA JOE: Open it, Charlie.

Let's see that Golden Ticket.

CHARLIE: Wouldn't that be fantastic?

MRS. BUCKET: It's not fair to raise

his hopes.

GRANDPA JOE: Never mind. Go on, open

it, Charlie. I want to see that

gold.

MRS. BUCKET: Stop it, Dad.

CHARLIE: I've got the same chance as

anybody else, haven't I?

GRANDPA JOE: You've got more, Charlie,

because you want it more. Go on,

open it.

CHARLIE: Here goes. (He turns his

back to them and opens it.) I got it!

GRANDPA JOE: Where? Where?

GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: Let's see!

CHARLIE: Fooled you, didn't I. You

thought I really had it.

GRANDPA JOE: Never mind, Charlie.

You'll find one.

CHARLIE: Here, everybody have a bite.

GRANDPA JOE: No no no, you eat it.

GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: Certainly not.

GRANDMA GEORGINA: No no no no no.

14. SALT'S FACTORY

(Women are on the factory floor

unwrapping Wonka Bars. The Salts are

upstairs in an office.)

VERUCA: I wanted to be the first to

find a Golden Ticket, Daddy.

MR. SALT: I know, Angel. We're doing

the best we can. I've got every girl

on the bleeding staff hunting for

you.

VERUCA: All right, where is it? Why

haven't they found it?

MR. SALT: Veruca, sweetheart, I'm not

a magician! Give me time!

VERUCA: I want it now! What's the

matter with those twerps down there?

9

MR. SALT: For five days now the entire

flipping factory's been on the job.

They haven't shelled a peanut in

there since Monday. They've been

shelling flaming chocolate bars

from dawn to dusk.

VERUCA: Make 'em work nights.

MR. SALT: (shouting down the stairs)

Come along, come along, you girls,

put a jack in it or you'll be out on

your ears, every one of you! And

listen to this: the first girl that

finds a Golden Ticket gets a one pound

bonus in her pay bucket! What do you

think of that?

(The women scream and begin

unwrapping more furiously.)

VERUCA: They're not even trying.

They don't want to find it. They're

jealous of me.

MR. SALT: Sweetheart, I can't push

'em no harder. Nineteen thousand

bars an hour they're shelling.

Seven hundred and sixty thousand

they've done so far.

VERUCA: You promised, Daddy! You

promised I'd have it the very first

day!

MRS. SALT: You're going to very

unpopular around here, Henry, if you

don't deliver soon.

MR. SALT: It breaks my heart,

Henrietta. I hate to see her

unhappy.

VERUCA: I won't talk to you ever again.

You're a rotten, mean father. You

never give me anything I want. And

I won't go to school 'til I have it.

MR. SALT: Veruca, sweetheart,

angel . . . Now. There are only

four tickets left in the whole world,

and the whole ruddy world's hunting

for them. What can I do?

WORKER: I got it! I got it, Mr. Salt,

here it is!

VERUCA: It's about time too! I want

it!

(Slugworth leads the worker up the

stairs to Veruca.)

VERUCA: Give me that ticket! It's

mine! I've found a Golden Ticket!

(Slugworth whispers in Veruca's

ear.)

MR. SALT: Thank God for that.

MRS. SALT: Aye. Happiness is what

counts with children.

Happiness and harmony.

15. NEWS REPORT

REPORTER: This, ladies and gentlemen,

is the sign of our times . . . the

symbol of the havoc, the mad craze

that's sweeping the world today.

Whatever corner of the globe we

are in, whichever of the five

10

continents we're on, the great search

for Wonka Bars continues. We're now

nearing the end of our forty-third

day in the hunt for Golden Tickets,

and everywhere we're beginning to see

signs of anxiety. Every hour on the

hour, new shipments are being sent to

different points around the globe,

but they're just not moving fast

enough. And as time passes, the men

who seek them become more and more

desperate.

16. COMPUTER LAB

TECHNICIAN: Gentlemen, I know how

anxious you've all been during these

last few days, but now I think I can

safely say that your time and money

have been well spent. We're about

to witness the greatest miracle of

the machine age. Based on the

revolutionary Computonian Law of

Probability, this machine will tell

us the precise location of the three

remaining Golden Tickets. (He

punches computer buttons; reads the

card it emits) It says, "I won't

tell. That would be cheating." I

am now telling the computer that, if

it will tell me the correct answer,

I will gladly share with it the grand

prize. (Pushes buttons; reads card)

He says, "What would a computer do

with a lifetime supply of chocolate?"

I am now telling the computer exactly

what he can do with a lifetime supply

of chocolate.

17. MILES CITY, MONTANA

MONTANA REPORTER: And it can happen

right here too, unbelievable as it

sounds, right here in America.

Where even in the smallest town, the

happiest of dreams can come true.

Because folks, here she is, Miss

Violet Beauregarde, finder of

Wonka's Golden Ticket Number Three,

from Miles City, Montana. And with

her, the proud parents: Mr.

Beauregarde, a prominent local

politician, a great civic leader, a

philosopher--

MR. BEAUREGARDE: (grabs microphone)

Hi, folks, Sam Beauregarde here,

Square Deal Sam to you, with all of

today's great giveaway bargains.

The finest values you'll get anywhere

in the entire country. Now this

little number right here's a four

door sedan . . .

VIOLET: (on "number") Come on, Dad,

they don't want you!

MONTANA REPORTER: (to Mr.

Beauregarde) Thank you, sir. Violet,

would you care to say a few words to

the nation.

VIOLET: Sure I will. Here it is,

Golden Ticket Number Three, and it's

all mine.

MONTANA REPORTER: Tell us how it

happened, Violet.

VIOLET: Well I'm a gum-chewer,

normally, but when I heard about

these ticket things of Wonka's I laid

off the gum and switched to candy bars

instead. Now, of course, I'm right

11

back on gum. I chew it all day except

at meal times when I stick it behind

my ear.

MRS. BEAUREGARDE: Violet . . .

VIOLET: Cool it, Mother. Now this

piece of gum here is one that I've

been chewing on for three months

solid, and that's a world record!

It's beaten the record held by my best

friend Miss Cornelia Prinzmetel, and

was she mad! Hi, Cornelia, how are

you sweetie?

(Slugworth whispers in Violet's

ear.)

MR. BEAUREGARDE: Let me just butt in

here for a moment to say that if any

of you folks watching are

dissatisfied with your . . .

MONTANA REPORTER: Mister . . . just

a minute . . . this isn't . . .

18. LAUNDERER

MRS. BUCKET: Charlie, what are you

doing here?

CHARLIE: I thought if you were ready,

I'd walk you home.

MRS. BUCKET: I wish I were, but it

looks like I'm gonna be here late

tonight.

CHARLIE: Oh, well, then I guess I'll

be going.

MRS. BUCKET: Well why don't you stay

a minute? Here, pull up a pile of

clothes and sit down. Everything

all right at school?

CHARLIE: Yep.

MRS. BUCKET: Good. Go on your

newspaper route today?

CHARLIE: Just finished.

MRS. BUCKET: Good.

CHARLIE: I wanted to tell you

something.

MRS. BUCKET: Oh?

CHARLIE: They found the third ticket

today.

MRS. BUCKET: Did they?

CHARLIE: Yeah. Well . . . guess I'll

be going now.

MRS. BUCKET: Is that all?

CHARLIE: Well I thought you'd like to

know. Most people are pretty

interested. I know I'm interested.

There are only two tickets left you

know. Just two. Pretty soon just

one.

MRS. BUCKET: I wonder who the lucky

ones will be.

CHARLIE: Well in case you're

wondering if it'll be me, it won't be.

Just in case you're wondering, you

can count me out.

12

MRS. BUCKET: Charlie . . . there are

a hundred billion people in this

world, and only five of them will find

Golden Tickets. Even if you had a

sackful of money you probably

wouldn't find one. And after this

contest is over, you'll be no

different from the billions of others

who didn't find one.

CHARLIE: But I am different. I want

it more than any of them.

MRS. BUCKET: Charlie, you'll get your

chance. One day things will change.

CHARLIE: When? When will they

change?

MRS. BUCKET: Probably when you least

expect it. See you later.

YOU GET BLUE

LIKE EVERYONE

BUT ME AND GRANDPA JOE

CAN MAKE YOUR TROUBLES GO AWAY

BLOW AWAY

THERE THEY GO

CHEER UP, CHARLIE

GIVE ME A SMILE

WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT SMILE I USED TO

KNOW

DON'T YOU KNOW YOUR GRIN HAS ALWAYS

BEEN

MY SUNSHINE

LET THAT SUNSHINE SHOW

COME ON, CHARLIE

NO NEED TO FROWN

DEEP DOWN YOU KNOW THE WORLD IS STILL

YOUR TOY

WHEN THE WORLD GETS HEAVY

NEVER PITAPAT 'EM

UP AND AT 'EM, BOY

SOMEDAY SWEET AS A SONG

CHARLIE'S LUCKY DAY WILL COME ALONG

'TIL THAT DAY YOU'VE GOTTA STAY IN

STRONG, CHARLIE

UP ON TOP IS RIGHT WHERE YOU BELONG

LOOK UP CHARLIE

YOU'LL SEE A STAR

JUST FOLLOW IT AND KEEP YOUR DREAM IN

VIEW

PRETTY SOON THE SKY IS GONNA CLEAR UP

CHARLIE

CHEER UP, CHARLIE, DO

CHEER UP, CHARLIE

JUST BE GLAD YOU'RE YOU

19. MARBLE FALLS, ARIZONA

ARIZONA REPORTER: While the rest of

the world goes on searching, here in

the Southwest it has actually

happened. That's what I said, friends.

There's only one Golden Ticket left

in the entire world because right

here in our own community of Marble

Falls, Arizona, is lucky winner

number four. Now, the name soon to

be heard around the universe is Mr.

Mike Teevee. Hey, Mike, do you think

we might shut that thing off?

MIKE: No, are you crazy?

MRS. TEEVEE: He won't answer 'til the

station break.

ARIZONA REPORTER: Mike, the country

13

wants to hear from you; the world is

waiting--

MIKE: Can't you shut up? I'm busy.

Boy, what a great show.

MRS. TEEVEE: I serve all his TV

dinners right here. He's never even

been to the table.

REPORTER #2: You love to watch TV,

Mike?

MIKE: You bet.

REPORTER #3: What about that Golden

Ticket, Mike? That's what we all

came to hear--

MIKE: Hold it! I wanna catch this.

REPORTER #2: You like the killings,

huh?

MIKE: What do you think life's all

about?

ARIZONA REPORTER: Mike, would you

tell us--

MIKE: (shoots his cap gun) Wait 'til

I get a real one. Colt .45. Pop

won't let me have one yet, will you,

Pop.

MR. TEEVEE: Not 'til you're twelve,

son.

(Slugworth whispers in Mike's ear.)

20. NEWSROOM

ANCHORMAN: Four down, and one to go.

And somewhere out there, another

lucky person is moving closer and

closer to finding the last of the most

sought after prizes in history.

Though we cannot help but envy him,

whoever he is, and we might be tempted

to be bitter in our losing, we must

remember there are many more

important things--many more

important things. Offhand I can't

think of what they are, but I'm sure

there must be something. And now for

tomorrow's weather and--

21. BUCKETS' HOUSE

CHARLIE: Why'd you wake me up,

Grandpa? Is something wrong?

(Grandpa pulls out a Wonka bar.)

Grandpa, that money was for tobacco.

GRANDPA JOE: I told you, Charlie,

I've given it up. Go on, open it.

One ticket left. Now let's see some

of that gold.

CHARLIE: No, you do it. I can't.

GRANDPA JOE: Something tells me we're

gonna be lucky this time. I've got

a funny feeling inside. Which end

shall I open first?

CHARLIE: That end. Just a tiny bit.

GRANDPA JOE: Like this?

CHARLIE: Now a bit more.

GRANDPA JOE: You finish it; I can't.

14

CHARLIE: No, Grandpa, you do it.

GRANDPA JOE: All right, here goes.

(He opens the wrapper.)

CHARLIE: You know . . . I bet those

Golden Tickets make the chocolate

taste terrible. (They hug.)

22. AUCTION

AUCTIONEER: Lot four-oh-three (403).

I can personally guarantee, ladies

and gentlemen, that this is the one

and only, the absolutely last case of

Wonka Bars left in the United Kingdom.

Shall we start the bidding at one

thousand pounds? Do I hear one

thousand pounds? Fifteen hundred

pounds? Two thousand? I have two

thousand five hundred here. Four

thousand pounds? Forty-five

hundred pounds! Five thousand

pou--Your Majesty!

23. CURTIS HOME

DETECTIVE: I'm sorry, Mrs. Curtis.

Doesn't seem to be anything in his

papers to give us a clue.

MRS. CURTIS: They kidnapped my

husband twelve hours ago. When are

we going to hear from them? What do

they want?

DETECTIVE: Try to stay calm. They

did it for ransom. All we can do is

wait to hear their demands.

MRS. CURTIS: I'll give them anything,

anything they want! All I want is to

have Harold back!

(The phone rings.)

DETECTIVE: (on phone) Go ahead, we're

listening. Uh huh. Uh huh.

MRS. CURTIS: What did they ask for?

Whatever it is, they can have it.

DETECTIVE: They want your case of

Wonka Bars. Mrs. Curtis, did you

hear me? It's your husband's life or

your case of Wonka Bars.

MRS. CURTIS: How long will they give

me to think it over?

24. NEWSROOM

ANCHORMAN: That's it, that's it!

It's all over! The Wonka Contest is

all over! The fifth and final ticket

has been found, and we've got a live

report coming in directly now from

Paraguay, South America.

PARAGUAY REPORTER: Ladies and

Gentlemen, it is finished. The end

has come. The fifth and last Golden

Ticket has just been found right here

in Paraguay. The finder is lucky

Alberto Min~oleta, the

multimillionaire owner of gambling

casinos throughout South America.

25. BUCKETS' HOUSE

PARAGUAY REPORTER (on TV): Here is

the most recent picture of Alberto

the happy finder, the man who has

finally put an end to Wonkamania for

15

all the world.

GRANDPA JOE: (on "put") Turn it off.

Well, that's that. No more Golden

Tickets.

GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: A lot of rubbish,

the whole thing.

GRANDPA JOE: Not to Charlie it wasn't.

A little boy's got to have something

in this world to hope for. What's he

got to hope for now?

GRANDMA GEORGINA: Who's going to tell

him?

MRS. BUCKET: Let's not wake him.

He'll find out soon enough.

GRANDPA JOE: Yeah, let him sleep.

Let him have one last

dream.

26. SCHOOL

MR. TURKENTINE: (clears throat) I've

just decided to switch our Friday

schedule to Monday, which means that

the test we take each Friday on what

we learned during the week will now

take place on Monday before we've

learned it. But since today is

Tuesday, it doesn't matter in the

slightest. Pencils ready. Today

we are going to learn about . . .

percentages. And for an example,

let's take the recent unpleasantness.

Supposing that there were a thousand

Wonka Bars in the world and during the

contest you each opened a certain

number of them. That number is a

percent. Everyone understand?

KIDS: (some moan; others:) No.

MR. TURKENTINE: You, Madeline Durkin,

how many Wonka Bars did you open?

MADELINE: About a hundred.

MR. TURKENTINE: There are ten

hundreds in a thousand; therefore you

opened ten percent. You, Peter Goff,

how many did you open?

PETER: A hundred and fifty.

MR. TURKENTINE: That's ten percent

half over again, which makes fifteen

percent. Charlie Bucket, how many

did you open?

CHARLIE: Two.

MR. TURKENTINE: That's easy. Two

hundred is twice one hundred . . .

CHARLIE: Not two hundred. Just

two.

MR. TURKENTINE: Two? What do you

mean you only opened two?

CHARLIE: I don't care very much for

chocolate.

MR. TURKENTINE: Well I can't figure

out just two, so let's pretend you

opened two hundred. Now, if you

opened two hundred Wonka Bars, apart

from being dreadfully sick, you'd

have used up twenty percent of one

thousand, which is fifteen percent

16

half over again, ten percent--

27. ON THE STREET

(Charlie finds a coin in a sewer grate

and digs it out.)

28. BILL'S CANDY SHOP

CHARLIE: (clears his throat)

BILL: Hi.

CHARLIE: I'd like a bar of chocolate

please.

BILL: Yeah, sure. What kind? A

Slugworth Sizzler? A Wonka

Scrumdidilyumptious?

CHARLIE: Whichever's the biggest.

BILL: Try a Scrumdidilyumptious.

Now that all the tickets have been

found, I don't have to hide them

anymore. (Clears his throat and

holds out his hand. Charlie pays.)

Hey, hey, hey, take it easy. You'll

get a stomach ache if you swallow it

like that.

CHARLIE: Bye.

BILL: Bye now.

CHARLIE: I think I'll buy just one

more, for my Grandpa Joe.

BILL: Sure. Why not try a regular

Wonka Bar this time?

CHARLIE: Fine.

JOPECK (O.C.): Extra, extra! Read

all about it! Hear the latest news!

Get your papers here!

MAN #1 (O.C.): What's going on?

JOPECK (O.C.): Hear about the

scandal.

29. ON THE STREET

MAN #2 (O.C.): Look at this.

MAN #3 (O.C.): Which one?

MAN #4 (O.C.): Here, let me see.

JOPECK: Extra, extra! Hear about

the scandal.

MAN #5: Gimme a newspaper.

JOPECK: All right, all right, take it

easy. One at a time.

MAN #6: Who's the one that did it?

MAN #7: Did you hear the news?

JOPECK (O.C.): (continues through

next lines) All right, all right,

just a moment . . . wait your turn . . .

give me a

chance . . .

MAN WITH PAPER: That gambler from

Paraguay made up a phony ticket.

SECOND MAN: That means there's one

Golden Ticket still floating around

somewhere.

17

MAN WITH PAPER: Can you imagine the

nerve of that guy, trying to fool the

whole world?

SECOND MAN: Aw, he really was a crook!

Well this means the contest goes on

forever. Wonder where they'll find

the next

one.

JOPECK (O.C.): Take it easy, take it

easy, one at a time.

(Charlie opens his Wonka Bar; there

is the Golden Ticket!)

WOMAN #1: Hey, you've got it! You've

got the last Golden Ticket! The

kid's found the last Golden Ticket!

Hold it up, sonny, so we can see!

MAN A: Hey, let me see it!

MAN B: It really is gold!

JOPECK: Stand back there. Leave the

boy alone!

MAN C: Hey, kid, come over here.

WOMAN #2: Let me see it! Did you see

what he's got?

JOPECK: You're going to kill him!

Leave him alone! Break it up.

MAN D: Let me see it! Over here, show

it over here!

MAN B: It really is gold!

MAN C: I wanna see it. Hey, kid . . .

JOPECK: Come on, Charlie! Hold on to

that ticket! Run for it, Charlie!

Run straight home and don't stop 'til

you get there!

(Charlie starts running home.)

30. ALLEY

(Slughworth steps into Charlie's

path.)

SLUGWORTH: I congratulate you,

little boy. Well done. You found

the fifth Golden Ticket. May I

introduce myself. Arthur Slugworth,

President of Slugworth Chocolates,

Incorporated. Now listen carefully

because I'm going to make you very

rich indeed. Mr. Wonka is at this

moment working on a fantastic

invention: the Everlasting

Gobstopper. If he succeeds, he'll

ruin me. So all I want you to do is

to get hold of just one Everlasting

Gobstopper and bring it to me so that

I can find the secret formula. Your

reward will be ten thousand of these.

(He flips through a stack of money.)

Think it over, will you. A new house

for your family, and good food and

comfort for the rest of their lives.

And don't forget the name:

Everlasting Gobstopper.

31. BUCKETS' HOUSE

CHARLIE: Look, everyone, look, I've

got it! The fifth Golden Ticket is

mine!

18

GRANDPA JOE: You're pulling our legs,

Charlie! There aren't any more

Golden Tickets.

CHARLIE: No, Grandpa, the last one

was a fake; it said so in the papers.

I found some money in the street, and

I bought a Wonka Bar, and the ticket

was in it.

MRS. BUCKET: Charlie!

CHARLIE: Look at it, Grandpa, see for

yourself!

GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: Read it, Joe, for

heaven's sake!

GRANDPA JOE: "Greetings to you, the

lucky finder of this Golden Ticket,

from Mr. Willy Wonka. Present this

ticket at the factory gates at ten

o'clock in the morning of the first

day of October, and do not be late.

You may bring with you one member of

your own family but no one else. In

your wildest dreams you could not

imagine the marvelous surprises that

await you!" Charlie, you've done

it!

MRS. BUCKET: I can't believe it!

CHARLIE: Grandpa? It says I can take

somebody with me. I wish you could

go.

GRANDPA JOE: (struggling to get out

of bed) Charlie. (Charlie helps

him.) Ah, that's good. Now help me

up. (He stands, then falls back on

the bed) Oh!

CHARLIE: Are you okay?

GRANDPA JOE: Oh yeah, I'm fine,

Charlie. (He stands up and

stumbles.)

GRANDMA GEORGINA: (screams)

MRS. BUCKET: Easy, Dad.

GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: Joe! Watch it,

Joe!

GRANDPA JOE: Look at me! Look at me!

Up and about . . . I haven't done

this in twenty years.

CHARLIE: Grandpa!

GRANDPA JOE:

I NEVER THOUGHT MY LIFE COULD BE

ANYTHING BUT CATASTROPHE

BUT SUDDENLY I BEGIN TO SEE

A BIT OF GOOD LUCK FOR ME

'CAUSE I'VE GOT A GOLDEN TICKET

I'VE GOT A GOLDEN TWINKLE IN MY EYE

I NEVER HAD A CHANCE TO SHINE

NEVER A HAPPY SONG TO SING

BUT SUDDENLY HALF THE WORLD IS MINE

WHAT AN AMAZING THING


It's ours, Charlie!

I'VE GOT A GOLDEN SUN UP IN THE SKY

Slippers, Charlie!

I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SEE THE DAY

WHEN I WOULD FACE THE WORLD AND SAY

19

CHARLIE AND GRANDPA JOE:

"GOOD MORNING! AND LOOK AT THE SUN!"

GRANDPA JOE:

I NEVER THOUGHT THAT I WOULD BE

SLAP IN THE LAP OF LUXURY

'CAUSE I'D HAVE SAID

CHARLIE:

"IT COULDN'T BE DONE"

GRANDPA JOE:

BUT IT CAN BE DONE

Oooh! The cane, Charlie! Ah!

Ahhh! (He laughs.) Here I go!

Watch my speed!

GRANDPA JOE:

I NEVER DREAMED THAT I WOULD CLIMB

OVER THE MOON IN ECSTASY

BUT NEVERTHELESS IT'S THERE THAT I'M

SHORTLY ABOUT TO BE



I'VE GOT A GOLDEN CHANCE TO MAKE MY

WAY

AND WITH A GOLDEN TICKET IT'S A GOLDEN

DAY

GRANDPA JOE:

Good morning! Look at the sun!


'CAUSE I'D HAVE SAID, "IT COULDN'T BE

DONE"

GRANDPA JOE:

BUT IT CAN BE DONE

I NEVER DREAMED THAT I WOULD CLIMB

OVER THE MOON IN ECSTASY

BUT NEVERTHELESS IT'S THERE THAT I'M

SHORTLY ABOUT TO BE



I'VE GOT A GOLDEN TICKET

I'VE GOT A GOLDEN CHANCE TO MAKE MY

WAY

AND WITH A GOLDEN TICKET IT'S A GOLDEN

DAY

MRS. BUCKET: Stop! It says the first

of October; that's tomorrow!

GRANDPA JOE: Jumping Crocodiles,

Charlie! We've got a lot to do.

Comb your hair, wash your face,

polish your shoes, and brush your--

MRS. BUCKET: I'll take care of

everything, Dad.

GRANDPA JOE: We don't have too much

time.

CHARLIE: Grandpa . . . on the way home

today, I ran into Mr. Slugworth.

32. WONKA'S FACTORY GATES

(A large crowd is gathered, including

reporters and a band.)

MIKE: Hey, Mom, we're on TV! Hi,

everybody in Marble Falls! Hi,

Billy! Hi, Maggie! Hi, Fishface!

How do I look?

(Cut to:)

20

LOCAL REPORTER: You guys ready?

CAMERAMAN (O.C.): Yeah, you're on.

LOCAL REPORTER: Well, this is it

folks. This is the big day, the

historic day on which Willy Wonka has

promised to open his gates and shower

gifts on the five lucky winners.

From all over the globe, people have

gathered here waiting for the hour to

strike, waiting to catch a glimpse of

that legendary magician Mr. Willy

Wonka.

(Cut to:)

MR. BEUAREGARDE: Hi, friends. Sam

Beauregarde here. The next time

you're in Miles City, Montana, don't

forget to visit Beauregarde's

AutoMart . . .

VIOLET: (on "Beauregarde's") Cut it

out, Dad; for heaven's sake, this is

my show! Hi, Cornelia sweetie, I've

still got it. And how's this for a

stretch? (She stretches her gum

down and lets go.)

(Cut to:)

VERUCA: I want to go in first before

anybody else.

MR. SALT: Anything you say,

sweetheart.

(Cut to:)

MRS. GLOOP: (taking food away from

Augustus) Save some room for later,

Augustus liebling [darling].

(Cut to:)

CHARLIE: Grandpa?

GRANDPA JOE: Mmm?

CHARLIE: I don't believe it. We did

it; we're actually going in.

GRANDPA JOE: We're going to see the

greatest of them all: Mr. Willy

Wonka!

(The clock strikes ten. Willy Wonka

emerges; the crowd cheers until they

see he is limping with a cane. At

the end of the red carpet, he sticks

the cane in the stones and performs

an acrobatic somersault. The crowd

applauds.)

WONKA: Thank you. Thank you.

Welcome, my friends. Welcome to my

chocolate factory. (to the ticket

holders) Would you come forward

please?

MR. SALT: Veruca first! Get back,

you! Come on, Veruca sweetheart!

(Slugworth gives the thumbs up to

Charlie.)

CHARLIE: That's Slugworth! That's

the one I've told you about!

WONKA: Welcome. It's nice to have

you here. I'm so glad you could come.

This is going to be such an exciting

day. I hope you enjoy it. I think

you will. And now would you please

show me your Golden Tickets.

VERUCA: I'm Veruca Salt.

21

WONKA: My dear Veruca, what a

pleasure. And how pretty you look in

that lovely mink coat.

VERUCA: I've got three others at

home.

WONKA: And Mr. Salt, overjoyed to see

you, sir. Would you just step over

there for a minute.

AUGUSTUS: Augustus Gloop.

WONKA: Augustus, my dear boy, how

good to see you--and in such fine

shape. And this must be the radiant

Mrs. Gloop. Just over there, dear

lady.

VIOLET: Violet Beauregarde.

WONKA: Darling child, welcome to

Wonka's.

VIOLET: What kind of gum you got here?

WONKA: Charming, charming!

MR. BEAUREGARDE: Sam Beauregarde

here, Mr. Wonka.

WONKA: My dear sir, what a genuine

pleasure.

MR. BEAUREGARDE: If ever you need

anything in the automotive line, just

call on Sam B, phone number's on the

card. With Sam B, it's a guarantee.

MIKE: I'm Mike Teevee.

WONKA: Mike . . .

MIKE: Wham! (He pulls his gun.)

You're dead!

WONKA: Wonderful to meet you, Mike.

And Mrs. Teevee, how do you do? What

an adorable little boy you have.

MRS. TEEVEE: Thank you.

WONKA: Just over there.

CHARLIE: Charlie Bucket.

WONKA: Well, well, Charlie Bucket, I

read all about you in the papers.

I'm so happy for you. And who is this

gentleman?

CHARLIE: My grandfather, Grandpa

Joe.

WONKA: Delighted to meet you, sir.

Overjoyed, enraptured, entranced;

are we ready? Yes! Good! In we

go!

(They all enter the factory.)

33. ENTRANCE HALLWAY

WONKA: Now: hats, coats, galoshes,

over here. But hurry please, we have

so much time and so little to see.

Wait a minute! Strike that.

Reverse it. Thank you.

VIOLET: When do I get my chocolate?

MR. BEAUREGARDE: First take off your

coat, Violet.

22

MIKE: Boy, what weird looking coat

hangers.

(The hand coat hangers grab the

clothes; the group gasps and screams,

startled.)

WONKA: Little surprises around every

corner but nothing dangerous. Don't

be alarmed. And as soon as your

outer vestments are in hand, we'll

begin. Now. Will the children

kindly step up here.

(He pulls back a curtain to reveal a

contract.)

MR. BEAUREGARDE: (mutters, reading)

MR. SALT: (mutters through his teeth,

reading, then:) Floods, fire, frost,

or frippery?

MIKE: Accidents? What kind of

accidents?

MR. BEAUREGARDE: . . . Labor

unions? . . . (Returns to muttering.)

MRS. TEEVEE: I didn't know we had to

sign anything for this tour.

MR. BEAUREGARDE: . . . in trying to

determine . . . (mutters)

VIOLET: I can't see what it says in

the bottom.

WONKA: Violet? You first. Sign

here.

MR. BEAUREGARDE: Hold it! Lemme

through here, you kids. Violet,

baby, don't you sign anything there.

What's this all about?

WONKA: Standard form of contract.

MR. BEAUREGARDE: Don't talk to me

about contracts, Wonka; I use 'em

myself. They're strictly for

suckers.

WONKA: Yes, but you wouldn't begrudge

me a little protection. A drop.

MR. BEAUREGARDE: I don't sign

anything without my lawyer.

MR. SALT: My Veruca don't sign

anything either.

WONKA: Then she don't go in. I'm

sorry, rules of the house.

VERUCA: I want to go in. Don't you

dare stop me.

MR. SALT: I'm only trying to help you,

sweetheart.

VERUCA: (to Violet) Gimme that pen.

(to Mr. Salt) You're always making

things difficult.

WONKA: Nicely handled, Veruca.

She's a girl who knows where she's

going. Violet . . .?

MR. BEAUREGARDE: Wait a minute,

what's all that small print there at

the bottom?

23

WONKA: Oh, if you have any problems,

dial information, thank you for

calling. Mike? Augustus?

MR. BEAUREGARDE: Violet. Violet!

MRS. TEEVEE: I assume there's an

accident indemnity clause.

WONKA: Never between friends.

MIKE: Saw this in a movie once. Guy

signed his wife's insurance policy.

Then he bumped her off.

WONKA: Clever.

CHARLIE: What about me, Grandpa?

GRANDPA JOE: Sign away, Charlie; we

got nothing to lose.

VERUCA: Let's go in; come on!

WONKA: Patience, patience, little

dear. Everything has to be in order.

Everyone's signed? Yes. Good. On

we go! (opening lock)

Ninety-nine . . . forty-four . . . one

hundred percent pure. (He pushes

open the door.) Just through the

other door please.

34. DEAD END HALLWAY

(They rush in; chaos ensues.)

MR. SALT: Uh, Wonka, there's some

mistake here . . .

MIKE: There is no other door.

VERUCA: There's no way out!

WONKA: Well I know there's a door here

someplace.

MRS. GLOOP: (screams)

MR. BEAUREGARDE: I don't like this,

Wonka; I don't like it at all!

MR. SALT: Is this a trick or something,

Wonka?

MRS. GLOOP: Help! Mr. Wonka, help!

I'm getting squashed! Save me!

WONKA: Is it my soul that calls upon

my name?

VERUCA: Let me out or I'll scream!

MRS. TEEVEE: Somebody's touching me.

MR. SALT: Now look here, Wonka . . .

WONKA: Excuse me, question time will

come at the end of the session. We

must press on. Come along . . . come

along . . . Ah, here we are.

MR. BEAUREGARDE: Oh, don't be a darn

fool, Wonka; that's the way we came

in.

WONKA: It is? Are you sure?

MR. SALT: We've just come through

there.

WONKA: Huh. How do you like that?

(He leans against the door; it opens.

24

The crowd emits "Oh"s and "Aw"s.

During this:)

VIOLET: It's all different . . .

WONKA: There we are . . .

MR. SALT: What is this, Wonka? Some

kind of fun house?

WONKA: Why, having fun?

MRS. TEEVEE: I've had enough. I'm

not going in there.

MR. BEAUREGADE: Come on, Violet,

we're getting out of here.

WONKA: Oh, you can't get out

backwards. You've gotta go forwards

to go back. Better press on.

35. SKEWED PERSPECTIVE ROOM

(Wonka walks down the hall which gets

shorter as it goes on.)

CHARLIE: Hey, the room is getting

smaller!

MRS. TEEVEE: No, it's not; he's

getting bigger.

MR. SALT: He's at it again.

MIKE: Where's the chocolate?

MR. BEAUREGARDE: I doubt if there is

any.

MR. SALT: I doubt if any of us will

get out of here alive.

WONKA: Oh, you should never, never

doubt what nobody is sure

about.

MRS. GLOOP: You're not squeezing me

through that tiny door.

MR. SALT: You're off your bleeding

nut, Wonka. No one can

get through there.

WONKA: My dear friends, you are now

about to enter the nerve center of the

entire Wonka Factory. Inside this

room, all of my dreams become

realities. And some of my realities

become dreams. And almost

everything you will see is eatible.

Edible. I mean, you can eat almost

everything.

AUGUSTUS: Let me in, I'm starving!

WONKA: Now, don't get overexcited!

Don't lose your head, Augustus! We

wouldn't want anyone to lose that!

Yet. Now, the combination . . . This

is a musical lock. (He plays the

opening to Mozart's "Marriage of

Figaro.")

MRS. TEEVEE: Rachmaninoff.

WONKA: Ladies and gentlemen . . . boys

and girls . . .

36. THE CHOCOLATE ROOM

WONKA: (as the door opens) The

chocolate room.

Hold your breath. Make a wish.

25

Count to three.

COME WITH ME

AND YOU'LL BE

IN A WORLD OF PURE IMAGINATION

TAKE A LOOK

(whips cane around)

AND YOU'LL SEE

INTO YOUR IMAGINATION

WE'LL BEGIN

(whips cane around)

WITH A SPIN

TRAVELLING IN THE WORLD OF MY

CREATION

WHAT WE'LL SEE

WILL DEFY

EXPLANATION

(whips cane around)

IF YOU WANT TO VIEW PARADISE

SIMPLY LOOK AROUND AND VIEW IT

ANYTHING YOU WANT TO, DO IT

WANT TO CHANGE THE WORLD

(pulls hair out of Mike's head)

THERE'S NOTHING TO IT

MR. BEAUREGARDE: Hurry up, Violet.

CHARLIE: This way, Grandpa.

WONKA:

THERE IS NO LIFE I KNOW

TO COMPARE WITH PURE IMAGINATION

LIVING THERE

YOU'LL BE FREE

IF YOU TRULY WISH TO BE




WANT TO CHANGE THE WORLD

THERE'S NOTHING

TO IT



LIVING THERE

YOU'LL BE FREE

IF YOU TRULY

WISH TO BE

MRS. GLOOP: What a disgusting, dirty

river.

MR. SALT: It's industrial waste, that.

You've ruined your

watershed, Wonka. It's polluted.

WONKA: It's chocolate.

VERUCA: That's chocolate?!?

CHARLIE: That's chocolate.

VIOLET: A chocolate river.

GRANDPA JOE: That's the most

fantastic thing I've ever seen.

WONKA: Ten thousand gallons an hour.

And look at my waterfall. That's the

most important thing. It's mixing

my chocolate. It's actually

churning my chocolate. You know,

no other factory in the world mixes

its chocolate by waterfall. (to Mr.

Salt) But it's the only way if you

want it just right . . .

CHARLIE: Grandpa, look over there

across the river! They're little

men!

26

GRANDPA JOE: Jumping Crocodiles,

Charlie! Now we know who makes the

chocolate.

MR. SALT: I never saw anybody with an

orange face before. Funny-looking

people, aren't they, Wonka?

MRS. TEEVEE: What are they doing

there?

WONKA: It must be creaming and

sugaring time.

VIOLET: Well they can't be real

people.

WONKA: Well of course they're real

people.

MR. SALT: Stuff and nonsense.

WONKA: No, Oompa Loompas.

THE GROUP: Oompa Loompas?!?

WONKA: From Loompaland.

MRS. TEEVEE: Loompaland? There's no

such place.

WONKA: Excuse me, dear lady . . .

MRS. TEEVEE: Mr. Wonka, I am a teacher

of geography.

WONKA: Oh, well then you know all

about it and what a terrible country

it is. Nothing but desolate wastes

and fierce beasts. And the poor

little Oompa Loompas were so small

and helpless, they would get gobbled

up right and left. A Wangdoodle

would eat ten of them for breakfast

and think nothing of it. And so, I

said, "Come and live with me in peace

and safety, away from all the

Wangdoodles and Hornswogglers and

Snozzwangers and rotten Vermicious

Knids."

MR. SALT: Snozzwangers? Vermicious

Knids? What kind of rubbish is that?

WONKA: I'm sorry, but all questions

must be submitted in writing. And so,

in the greatest of secrecy I

transported the entire population of

Oompa Loompas to my factory here.

VERUCA: Hey, Daddy, I want an Oompa

Loompa. I want you to get me an Oompa

Loompa right away.

MR. SALT: All right, Veruca, all

right. I'll get you one before the

day is out.

VERUCA: I want an Oompa Loompa now!

VIOLET: Can it, you nit!

AUGUSTUS (O.C.): Mmmmm . . . this

stuff is terrific.

CHARLIE: Grandpa, look at Augustus.

GRANDPA JOE (O.C.): Don't worry, he

can't drink it all.

MRS. GLOOP: Augustus, sweetheart,

save some room for later.

27

WONKA: Oh, uh, Augustus, please,

don't do that. My chocolate must

never be touched by human hands.

Plea--don't do that! Don't do that;

you're contaminating my entire river.

Please, I beg you, Augustus!

(Augustus falls in; Mrs. Gloop and

others scream.)

MIKE: Man overboard.

WONKA: My chocolate!

AUGUSTUS: Help!

WONKA: My chocolate! My beautiful

chocolate.

AUGUSTUS: Help!

MRS. GLOOP: Don't just stand there;

do something!

WONKA: Help. Police. Murder.

GRANDPA JOE: Quick, Charlie, here!

CHARLIE: Quick, Augustus, grab this!

(Augustus tries to grab the huge

lollipop Charlie offers, but he sinks

below the water.)

MRS. TEEVEE: What--what's happening

to him?

MR. SALT: It looks like he's

drowning.

MRS. GLOOP: Dive in! Save him!

WONKA: Oh, it's too late.

MRS. GLOOP: Too late?

WONKA: Oh, he's had it now; the

suction's got him.

MR. SALT: What suction?

MRS. GLOOP: Augustus, come back.

Where is he?

WONKA: Watch the pipe.

VERUCA: How long is he going to stay

down, Daddy?

MRS. GLOOP: He can't swim.

WONKA: There's no better time to

learn.

MIKE: There's his coat going up the

pipe.

MR. BEAUREGARDE: Call a plumber.

MR. SALT: He's stuck in the pipe there,

isn't he, Wonka? It's his stomach

that's done that.

AUGUSTUS: (stuck in the pipe)

Heeelllp! Heeelllp!

VIOLET: He's blocking all the

chocolate.

GRANDPA JOE: Well, what happens now?

WONKA: Oh, the pressure'll get him

out. Terrific pressure is building

up behind the blockage.

28

(Commotion.)

MR. SALT: I wonder how long it's gonna

take him to push through.

WONKA: The suspense is terrible. I

hope it'll last.

MR. SALT: He, he's gonna go up this

time. He--he-- Go on, boy, go on!

MRS. GLOOP: This is terrible.

CHARLIE: He'll never get out!

GRANDPA JOE: Yes, he will, Charlie.

Watch. Remember you once asked me

how a bullet comes out of a gun?

(Augustus shoots up the pipe.)

MRS. GLOOP: He's gone! He'll be made

into marshmallows infive seconds!

WONKA: Impossible, my dear lady,

that's absurd! Unthinkable!

MRS. GLOOP: Why?

WONKA: Because that pipe doesn't go

to the marshmallow room; it goes to

the fudge room.

MRS. GLOOP: You terrible man.

(Wonka plays a short tune on the pipe

whistle; an Oompa Loompa comes over.)

MR. SALT: Who said that?

MR. BEAUREGARDE: What the heck is

that?

GRANDPA JOE: He's got a whistle.

WONKA: Take Mrs. Gloop straight to

the fudge room, but look sharp! Or

her little boy is liable to get poured

into the boiler.

MRS. GLOOP: You've boiled him up, I

know it!

WONKA: Nihil desperandum [Nothing to

despair], dear lady. Across the

desert lies the promised land.

Goodbye, Mrs. Gloop. Adieu! Auf

wiedersehen! Gesundheit. Farewell.

OOMPA LOOMPAS:

OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DOO

I'VE GOT A PERFECT PUZZLE FOR YOU

OOMPA LOOMPA, DOOMPADAH DEE

IF YOU ARE WISE YOU'LL LISTEN ME

WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU GUZZLE DOWN

SWEETS

EATING AS MUCH AS AN ELEPHANT EATS

WHAT ARE YOU AT GETTING TERRIBLY FAT

WHAT DO YOU THINK WILL COME OF THAT

I DON'T LIKE THE LOOK OF IT

OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DAH

IF YOU'RE NOT GREEDY YOU WILL GO FAR

YOU WILL LIVE IN HAPPINESS TOO

LIKE THE OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DO

DOOMPADEE DOO

MR. BEAUREGARDE: Hey, what kind of

place you running here anyhow, Wonka?

WONKA: Uhhhh . . . mesdames et

messieurs, maintenant nous

allons faire grand petit voyage par

29

bateau. [Ladies and Gentlemen, now we

are going for a great little boat

trip.]

MR. SALT: What's he talking about?

WONKA: Voulez-vous entrer le

Wonkatania? [Do you want to come on

the Wonkatania?]

(The Wonkatania floats down the

river.)

CHARLIE: Wow, what a boat.

GRANDPA JOE: Ohhhh, looks good enough

to eat.

MR. SALT: That's quite a nice little

canoe you've got there, Wonka.

WONKA: All I ask is a tall ship and

a star to sail her by. All aboard,

everybody.

MR. SALT: Uh, ladies first, and that

means Veruca.

GRANDPA JOE: If she's a lady, I'm a

Vermicious Knid.

MR. SALT: You sure this thing'll

float, eh, Wonka?

WONKA: With your buoyancy, sir, rest

assured.

MRS. TEEVEE: She's tres joli [very

pretty], but is she seaworthy?

WONKA: Nothing to worry about, my

dear lady. I take good care of my

guests.

MR. BEAUREGARDE: Yeah, you took real

good care of that August kid over

there, that's for sure.

WONKA: Everybody aboard? You're

going to love this. Just love it.

(The boat begins to sail.)

VERUCA: Hey, Daddy, I want a boat like

this. A beautiful paddle boat,

that's what I want.

GRANDPA JOE: What she wants is a good

kick in the pants.

MRS. TEEVEE: I think I'm gonna be

seasick.

WONKA: Here, try one of these.

MRS. TEEVEE: What are they?

WONKA: Rainbow drops. Suck 'em and

you can spit in seven different

colors.

VIOLET: (picking her nose)

Spitting's a dirty habit.

WONKA: I know a worse one.

MR. BEAUREGARDE: What business you in,

Salt?

MR. SALT: Nuts.

(The boat heads into the tunnel.)

MR. SALT: Hang on, where are we going?

30

MR. BEAUREGARDE: I don't know, but I

don't like the looks of that tunnel

up there. Hey, Wonka, I want off!

WONKA: 'Round the world and home

again, that's the sailor's way!

37. THE TUNNEL

(Commotion. Disgusting images

flash on the wall.)

VERUCA: I don't like this ride,

Daddy.

WONKA: Faster!

MR. SALT: Wonka, do me a favor? Tell

those people to stop paddling back

there.

WONKA: Faster!

MRS. TEEVEE: We're going too fast!

WONKA: Faster! Faster!

VIOLET: We're gonna sink, I know it!

VERUCA: Why doesn't he stop the boat?

WONKA: Faster!

MR. SALT: Hang on, darling! Just

close your eyes and hang on tight!

MIKE: What's happening?

WONKA: Faster!

VIOLET: What is this, a freak-out?

MR. BEAUREGARDE: Hey, this isn't

funny, Wonka!

MR. SALT: You can't possibly see

where you're going, Wonka!

WONKA: You're right. I can't.

MIKE: Boy, what a great series this

would make.

MR. SALT: Wonka . . .

CHARLIE: This is kind of strange . . .

GRANDPA JOE: Yeah, strange, Charlie,

but it's fun! Ha ha!

MIKE: This is terrific!

MRS. TEEVEE: Ugghhhhhh . . .

MR. SALT: How much to get off the boat,

Wonka?

MRS. TEEVEE: Ugghhh . . . I think I'm

gonna be sick.

MR. SALT: I can take a joke, but this

has gone too far.

MR. BEAUREGARDE: Tell that little guy

to turn us around, Wonka!

MRS. TEEVEE: Aaaaaaa! Now I am gonna

be sick!

VERUCA: Save me, Daddy!

CHARLIE: (reacting when Slugworth's

face appears on the wall) Grandpa!

31

GRANDPA: It couldn't be.

(A few screams . . .)

WONKA:THERE'S NO EARTHLY WAY OF

KNOWING

MR. SALT: Heh, heh . . . he's

singing . . .

WONKA:

WHICH DIRECTION WE ARE GOING

THERE'S NO KNOWING WHERE WE'RE ROWING

MR. SALT:(echoing) ROWING . . .

WONKA:

OR WHICH WAY THE RIVER'S FLOWING

IS IT RAINING

IS IT SNOWING

IS A HURRICANE A-BLOWING

Bleh!

Not a speck of light is showing

So the danger must be growing

Are the fires of hell a glowing?

Is the grisly reaper mowing?

Yes! The danger must be growing

For the rowers keep on rowing

And they're certainly not showing

Any signs that they are slowing!

(Wonka screams. Chaos.)

VERUCA: Oh, make him stop, Daddy!

MR. SALT: Wonka, this has gone far

enough!

WONKA: Quite right, sir! Stop the

boat!

38. HALLWAY OUTSIDE INVENTING ROOM

WONKA: We're there.

MRS. TEEVEE: Where?

WONKA: Here. A small step for

mankind, but a giant step for us.

All ashore!

MR. BEAUREGARDE: Let me off this

crate!

MIKE: Now why don't they show stuff

like that on TV?

MRS. TEEVEE: I don't know.

MR. SALT: What a nightmare.

VERUCA: Daddy, I do not want a boat

like this.

(Charlie and Grandpa Joe read a

sign.)

CHARLIE: Dairy cream . . .

GRANDPA JOE: Whipped cream . . .

CHARLIE: Coffee cream . . .

GRANDPA JOE: Vanilla cream . . .

CHARLIE AND GRANDPA JOE: Hair cream?

WONKA: Meine Herrschaften, schenken

Sie mir ihre aufmerksamkeit. [My

friends (masters), please give me

your attention.]

32

MRS. TEEVEE: That's not French.

WONKA: Sie kommen jetzt in den

interessantesten und gleichzeitig

geheimsten raum meiner fabrik. [You

have now come to the most interesting

and, at the same time, the most secret

room of my factory.]

MR. SALT: I can't take much more of

this.

WONKA: Meine Damen und Herren, der

Inventing Room. [Ladies and

Gentlemen, The Inventing Room.] Now

remember, no messing about. No

touching, no tasting, no telling.

GRANDPA JOE: No telling what?

WONKA: You see, all of my most secret

inventions are cooking and simmering

in here. Old Slugworth would give

his false teeth to get inside for just

five minutes, so don't touch a thing!

39. THE INVENTING ROOM

(Various contraptions bubble, churn,

and whistle.)

GRANDPA JOE: Inventing room? It

looks more like a Turkish bath to me.

CHARLIE: Even if Slugworth did get in

here, he couldn't find anything.

MR. BEAUREGARDE: You got a garbage

strike going on here, Wonka?

MRS. TEEVEE: Who does your cleaning

up?

MR. SALT: Shouldn't you be wearing

rubber gloves? You'll have the

health inspectors after you, you know

that, don't you.

WONKA: (as he mixes a concoction)

Invention, my dear friends, is

ninety-three percent

perspiration, . . . six percent

electricity, . . . four percent

evaporation, . . . and two percent

butterscotch ripple. (He tastes.)

MRS. TEEVEE: That's a hundred and

five percent!

MR. SALT: Any good?

WONKA: (high, Muppet-like voice)

Yes! Excuse me . . . (to Veruca)

Time is a precious thing. Never

waste it. (He throws an alarm clock

into the cauldron.)

VERUCA: He's absolutely bonkers.

CHARLIE: And that's not bad.

MIKE: (eating something) Mmmm . . .

WONKA:

IN SPRINGTIME, THE ONLY PRETTY RING

TIME

BIRDS SING, HEY DING

A-DING, A-DING

SWEET LOVERS LOVE THE SPRING--

(An explosion in Mike's mouth knocks

him backwards.)

33

MRS. TEEVEE: Mike!

WONKA: I told you not to, silly boy.

MRS. TEEVEE: Your teeth!

MIKE: Boy, that's great stuff.

WONKA: That's exploding candy for

your enemies. Great idea, isn't it.

Not ready yet, though, still too weak.

Needs more gelignite. (He puts

sneakers into a pot.)

MR. SALT: What's that for?

WONKA: Gives it a little kick.

MR. SALT: Wonka? Butterscotch . . .

butter gin . . . you've got something

going on inside of here?

WONKA: Candy is dandy, but liquor is

quicker. (Tests a pot.) Aaa!

VIOLET: What's the matter? Too hot,

Mr. Wonka?

WONKA: Too cold. Far too cold.

MR. SALT: That's gourmet cooking for

you.

(Mr. Beauregarde tries to look into

the Everlasting Gobstopper machine;

a buzzer goes off.)

WONKA: No! Don't. Please.

Forgive me, but no one must look under

there. This is the most secret

machine in my entire factory. This

is the one that's really going to

sizzle old Slugworth.

CHARLIE: What's it do?

WONKA: Would you like to see?

CHARLIE: Yeah.

(Wonka pushes a button. The machine

goes through a long process, then

produces Everlasting Gobstoppers.)

CHARLIE: But what's it do?

WONKA: Can't you see? It makes

Everlasting Gobstoppers.

VIOLET: Did you say "Everlasting

Gobstoppers"? (Wonka mouths the

last words with her.)

WONKA: That's right. For children

with very little pocket money. You

can suck 'em forever.

VERUCA: I want an Everlasting

Gobstopper.

VIOLET: Me too!

MIKE: And me!

WONKA: Fantastic invention.

Revolutionize the industry. You can

suck 'em and suck 'em and suck 'em,

and they'll never get any smaller.

Never. At least I don't think they

do. A few more tests.

MIKE: How do you make 'em?

WONKA: I'm a trifle deaf in this ear.

34

Speak a little louder next time. Who

wants an Everlasting Gobstopper?

(The children say "Me!" or "I do!")

WONKA: I can only give them to you if

you solemnly swear to keep them for

yourselves and never show them to

another living soul as long as you all

shall live. Agreed?

(Veruca crosses her fingers behind

her back.)

CHILDREN: Agreed.

WONKA: Good. (He hands them out.)

One for you, and one for you, and one

for you.

GRANDPA JOE: Eh, what about Charlie?

WONKA: And one for Charlie.

VERUCA: Hey, she's got two. I want

another one!

VIOLET: Stop squawking, you twit!

WONKA: Everybody has had one, and one

is enough for anybody. Now come

along. Now over here, if you'll

follow me, I have something rather

special to show you.

MR. SALT: Well, it's special, all

right. I only hope my Veruca doesn't

want one. (He laughs.)

MIKE: What a contraption.

WONKA: Isn't she scrumptious?

She's my revolutionary,

non-pollutionary mechanical wonder.

Now: button, button, who's got the

button?

CHARLIE: It's over there.

WONKA: Here?

CHARLIE: Yeah.

WONKA: (pushes the button; the

contraption begins to work) What

you are witnessing, dear friends, is

the most enormous miracle of the

machine age: the creation of a

confectionery giant! Finito!

VERUCA: That's all?

WONKA: That's all?!? Don't you know

what this is?

VIOLET: By gum, it's gum!

WONKA: Wrong! It's the most amazing,

fabulous, sensational

gum in the whole world.

VIOLET: What's so fab about it?

WONKA: This little piece of gum is a

three course dinner.

MR. SALT: Bull.

WONKA: No, roast beef, but I haven't

got it quite right yet.

VIOLET: (grabbing the gum) I don't

care.

35

WONKA: Oh, I wouldn't do that. I

really wouldn't.

VIOLET: So long as it's gum, then

that's for me.

MR. BEAUREGARDE: Violet, now don't

you do anything stupid.

VIOLET: (sighs in disgust)

CHARLIE: What's it taste like?

VIOLET: Madness! It's tomato soup!

It's hot and creamy.

I can actually feel it running down

my throat! It's delicious!

WONKA: Stop, don't . . .

CHARLIE: Why doesn't she listen to Mr.

Wonka?

GRANDPA JOE: Because, Charlie, she's

a nitwit.

VIOLET: (continuous) And every chew

gets better and better!

Mmmm . . . this sure is great soup.

Hey, second course is coming up!

Roast beef and a baked potato! Mmmm.

MR. BEAUREGARDE: With sour cream?

(He laughs.) What's for dessert,

baby?

VIOLET: Dessert? Here it comes.

Blueberry pie and cream!

It's the most marvelous blueberry pie

that I've ever tasted!

CHARLIE: Look at her face!

MR. BEAUREGARDE: Holy Toledo, what's

happening to your face?

VIOLET: Cool it, Dad! Lemme finish.

MR. BEAUREGARDE: Yeah, but your face

is turning blue!

Violet, you're turning violet,

Violet!

VIOLET: What are you talking about?

WONKA: I told you I hadn't got it

quite right yet.

MR. BEAUREGARDE: You can say that

again. Look what it's done to my

kid!

WONKA: It always goes wrong when we

come to the dessert.

Always.

MR. BEAUREGARDE: Violet, what are you

doing now?!? You're

blowing up!

VIOLET: I feel funny.

GRANDPA JOE: I'm not surprised.

VIOLET: What's happening?

MR. BEAUREGARDE: You're blowing up

like a balloon!

WONKA: Like a blueberry.

MR. BEAUREGARDE: Somebody do

something! Call a doctor!

36

MRS. TEEVEE: Stick her with a pin.

CHARLIE: She'll pop!

WONKA: It happens every time! They

all become blueberries.

MR. BEAUREGARDE: You've really done

it this time, haven't you, Wonka.

I'll break you for this.

WONKA: Oh, well, I'll get it right in

the end.

VIOLET: Help! Help!

(Wonka plays the pipe whistle.)

MR. BEAUREGARDE: We've got to let the

air out of her, quick!

WONKA: There's no air in there.

MR. BEAUREGARDE: Hmm?

WONKA: That's juice.

MR. BEAUREGARDE: Juice?!?

WONKA: (to an Oompa Loompa) Would you

roll the young lady down to the

juicing room at once, please.

MR. BEAUREGARDE: What for?

WONKA: For squeezing. She has to be

squeezed immediately before she

explodes.

MR. BEAUREGARDE: Explodes?!?

WONKA: It's a fairly simple

operation.

OOMPA LOOMPAS:

OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPA DEE DOO

I'VE GOT ANOTHER PUZZLE FOR YOU (OO

OO OO)

OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPA DAH DEE

IF YOU ARE WISE YOU'LL LISTEN TO ME

GUM CHEWING'S FINE WHEN IT'S ONCE IN

A WHILE

IT STOPS YOU FROM SMOKING AND

BRIGHTENS YOUR SMILE

BUT IT'S REPULSIVE, REVOLTING, AND

WRONG

CHEWING AND CHEWING ALL DAY LONG

THE WAY THAT A COW DOES


GIVEN GOOD MANNERS YOU WILL GO FAR



MR. BEAUREGARDE: I'll get even with

you for this, Wonka, if it's the last

thing I ever do! I got a blueberry

for a daughter . . . (The Oompa

Loompa leads him away.)

WONKA: Where is fancy bred? In the

heart, or in the head? Shall we roll

on? (An Oompa Loompa hands him his

cane) Thank you. (to the group)

Well, well, well . . . two naughty,

nasty little children gone. Three

good, sweet little children left.

Hurry, please, long way to go yet.

40. WALLPAPER ROOM

WONKA: Wait a minute. Must show you

this. Lickable wallpaper for

37

nursery walls. Lick an orange, it

tastes like an orange. Lick a

pineapple, it tastes like a pineapple.

Go ahead, try it.

GRANDPA JOE: Oh.

MIKE: Mmm, I got a plum.

CHARLIE: Grandpa, this banana's

fantastic! It tastes so real.

WONKA: Try some more. The

strawberries taste like strawberries.

The snozzberries taste like

snozzberries!

VERUCA: Snozzberries? Who ever

heard of a snozzberry?

WONKA: We are the music-makers, and

we are the dreamers of dreams. Come

along, come along.

41. FIZZY LIFTING ROOM

WONKA: Something very unusual in here.

Bubbles, bubbles everywhere, but not

a drop to drink. Yet.

CHARLIE: What's it making, Mr. Wonka?

WONKA: Fizzy Lifting Drinks. They

fill you with gas, and the gas is so

terrifically lifting that it lifts

you right off the ground like a

balloon.

VERUCA: Oh, isn't it high! Gosh!

WONKA: But I daren't sell it yet.

It's still too powerful.

MIKE: Come on, let us try some!

Please?

VERUCA: Oh, let us try some. Don't

be mean!

WONKA: No, no, no. Absolutely not.

There'd be children floating around

all over the place. Come along now;

don't hang about. You're going to be

wild about this next room.

(All but Charlie and Grandpa Joe

exit.)

GRANDPA JOE: Let's take a drink,

Charlie; nobody's watching.

CHARLIE: Yeah.

GRANDPA JOE: A small one won't hurt

us. (He opens a bottle and drinks.)

Mmmm, not bad. (Charlie drinks.)

Well?

CHARLIE: Nothing's happening.

GRANDPA JOE: You're right, Charlie.

I can't understand WHYYYY . . . oh,

oh, oh, I feel terribly strange . . .

CHARLIE: What do we do now, Grandpa?

GRANDPA JOE: I don't know, Charlie,

but AAAAAA! OH, OH!

We're in big trouble! Mr. Wonka

isn't gonna like this.

CHARLIE: We can't stay up here all

day!

GRANDPA JOE: You're right, Charlie,

38

but--

CHARLIE: I'm gonna try and get down.

GRANDPA JOE: All right, Charlie, but

please . . . be very

careful.

CHARLIE: Hey, it's fun, Grandpa! It

works! Come on in, the

air's fine!

GRANDPA JOE: Oh, I don't know,

Charlie. I haven't been

swimming in twenty years, I--

CHARLIE: (on "haven't") Come on, give

me your hand.

GRANDPA JOE: I don't think I ought

to . . . Oh. Oh! This is great!

CHARLIE: (shooting upward) Hey, try

this, Grandpa! Whee!

GRANDPA JOE: All right, Charlie, wait

for me! Wheeeeee!

CHARLIE: Wheeeee!

GRANDPA JOE: I'm a shooting star!

CHARLIE: I'm a rocket! Grandpa,

this is really great.

GRANDPA JOE: Look, I'm a bird! I

feel light as a feather.

Look down, Charlie. We're really

high now.

CHARLIE: Watch this, Grandpa. (He

somersaults.)

GRANDPA JOE: Wonderful, Charlie.

CHARLIE: Wow. Try it, Grandpa.

GRANDPA JOE: Oh, I don't know, I . . .

CHARLIE: Come on, Grandpa.

GRANDPA JOE: All right. (He

somersaults.)

CHARLIE: Hey, you did it, Grandpa.

GRANDPA JOE: Ohhhh . . . ohhhh, I

think I hit an air pocket.

CHARLIE: You can fly to the moon this

way.

GRANDPA JOE: Let's just fly south for

the winter.

CHARLIE: Why not? I'm a bird!

GRANDPA JOE: I'm a plane!

CHARLIE: I'm . . . going too high!

Hey, Grandpa, I can't get down!

Help! Grandpa, the fan!

GRANDPA JOE: Stay away from it,

Charlie; it'll chop us to bits!

We're in trouble, Charlie. I can't

stop!

CHARLIE: It's pulling me in!

GRANDPA JOE: I can't stop! I can't

stop!

CHARLIE: What do we do?

39

GRANDPA JOE: Grab hold of something,

quick!

CHARLIE: There's nothing to grab on

to! Help! We're gonna

get killed!

GRANDPA JOE: Help! Help!

CHARLIE: Help!

GRANDPA JOE: Mr. Wonka, please!

Turn off the fan! Oh! Oh!

(He burps.) Oooo, I'm going down!

Quick, Charlie, burp, burp! If you

don't get down you'll be chopped into

ribbons!

CHARLIE: Help! I can't! Help!

GRANDPA JOE: You've gotta burp,

Charlie. It's the only way.

CHARLIE: (burps)

GRANDPA JOE: 'Atta boy. Burp again.

(Charlie continues to burp.) 'Atta

boy, come on. Ahhhh, that's

wonderful, Charlie.

(The two burp back and forth.)

GRANDPA JOE: Grab onto me, Charlie.

We're gonna be all right now. (They

land.) Good boy. From now on, we

keep our feet on the ground. Come on,

let's catch up to the others!

(One last burp.)

42. THE GEESE ROOM

WONKA: I know what you're thinking:

They can't be doing what they're

doing. But they are. They have to.

I haven't met the Oompa Loompa yet who

could do it. These are the geese

that lay the golden eggs. As you can

see, they're larger than ordinary

geese. As a matter of fact, they're

quadruple size geese which produce

octuple size eggs. They're laying

overtime right now for Easter.

MIKE: But Easter's over!

WONKA: Ssshhh . . . (He covers Mike's

mouth.) They don't know that. I'm

trying to get ahead for next year.

MR. SALT: What happens if they drop

one of those eggs, Wonka?

WONKA: An omelet fit for a king, sir.

VERUCA: Are they chocolate eggs?

WONKA: Golden chocolate eggs.

That's a great delicacy. But I

wouldn't get too close. The geese

are very temperamental.

That's why we have the Eggdicator.

MRS. TEEVEE: Eggdi-what?

WONKA: The Eggdicator. The

Eggdicator can tell the difference

between a good egg and a bad egg. If

it's a good egg, it's shined up and

shipped out all over the world. But

if it's a bad egg . . . down the chute.

GRANDPA JOE: It's an educated

40

Eggdicator.

MR. SALT: It's a lot of nonsense.

WONKA: (singing) A little nonsense

now and then is relished by the wisest

men.

VERUCA: Hey, Daddy, I want a golden

goose.

CHARLIE: Here we go again.

MR. SALT: All right, sweetheart, all

right. Daddy'll get you a golden

goose as soon as we get home.

VERUCA: No, I want one of those!

MR. SALT: Wonka, how much do you want

for the golden goose?

WONKA: They're not for sale.

MR. SALT: Name your price.

WONKA: She can't have one.

VERUCA: Who says I can't?

MR. SALT: The man with the funny hat.

VERUCA: I want one! I want a golden

goose!

Gooses,Geeses,I want my geese to lay

gold eggs for Easter

MR. SALT: It will, sweetheart.

VERUCA:

At least a hundred a day

MR. SALT:

Anything you say

VERUCA: And by the way . . .

MR. SALT: What.

VERUCA:I want a feast

MR. SALT: You ate before you came to

the factory.

VERUCA:I WANT A BEAN FEAST

MR. SALT: Huh, one of those.

VERUCA:CREAM BUNS AND DONUTS AND

FRUITCAKE WITH NO NUTS

SO GOOD YOU COULD GO NUTS

MR. SALT: You can have all those

things when you get home.

VERUCA: No, now!

I WANT A BALL

I WANT A PARTY

PINK MACAROONS AND A MILLION BALLOONS

AND PERFORMING BABOONS AND--

GIVE IT TO ME

MR. SALT: Later.

VERUCA: (elbowing Mr. Salt in the

stomach) Now!

I WANT THE WORLD

I WANT THE WHOLE WORLD

I WANT TO LOCK IT ALL UP IN MY POCKET

IT'S MY BAR OF CHOCOLATE

GIVE IT TO ME NOW

41

I WANT TODAY

I WANT TOMORROW

I WANT TO WEAR 'EM LIKE BRAIDS IN MY

HAIR

AND I DON'T WANT TO SHARE 'EM

I WANT A PARTY WITH ROOMFULS OF

LAUGHTERS

TEN THOUSAND TONS OF ICE CREAM

AND IF I DON'T GET THE THINGS I AM

AFTER

I'M GOING TO SCREAM

I WANT THE WORKS

I WANT THE WHOLE WORKS

PRESENTS AND PRIZES AND SWEETS AND

SURPRISES

OF ALL SHAPES AND SIZES AND NOW!

DON'T CARE HOW

I WANT IT NOW

DON'T CARE HOW

I WANT IT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW

(Veruca, deemed a Bad Egg by the

Eggdicator, falls down the chute.)

WONKA: She was a bad egg.

MR. SALT: Um . . . where's she gone?

WONKA: Where all the other bad eggs

go: down the garbage chute.

MR. SALT: (laughing) The garbage

chute. Where does it lead to?

WONKA: To the furnace.

MR. SALT: (laughing heartily) To the

furnace. She'll be sizzled like a

sausage.

WONKA: Well not necessarily. She

could be stuck just inside the tube.

MR. SALT: Inside the . . .? Hold on!

Veruca, sweetheart, Daddy's coming!

(He jumps down the Eggdicator chute.)

WONKA: There's gonna be a lot of

garbage today.

GRANDPA JOE: Well, Mr. Salt finally

got what he wanted.

CHARLIE: What's that?

GRANDPA JOE: Veruca went first.

CHARLIE: Mr. Wonka, they won't really

be burned in the furnace, will they?

WONKA: Hmmm . . . well, I think that

furnace is lit only every other day,

so they have a good sporting chance,

haven't they.

OOMPA LOOMPAS:


I'VE GOT ANOTHER PUZZLE FOR YOU

OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADAH DEE


WHO DO YOU BLAME WHEN YOUR KID IS A

BRAT

PAMPERED AND SPOILED LIKE A SIAMESE

CAT

BLAMING THE KIDS IS A LIE AND A SHAME

YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHO'S TO BLAME

THE MOTHER AND THE FATHER


42

IF YOU'RE NOT SPOILED THEN YOU WILL

GO FAR.



WONKA: I don't understand it. The

children are disappearing like

rabbits. Well, we still have each

other. Shall we press on?

MRS. TEEVEE: Mr. Wonka, can't we sit

down for a minute? The pace is

killing me.

WONKA: My dear lady, transportation

has already been arranged.

43. WONKAMOBILE ROOM

(Oompa Loompas fill the Wonkamobile

with soda.)

WONKA: Behold the Wonkamobile. A

thing of beauty is a joy forever.

Places, please, the dance is about to

begin. Better grab a seat, they're

going fast.

GRANDPA JOE: Mr. Wonka, what's that

they're filling it up with?

WONKA: Oh, ginger ale, ginger pop,

ginger beer, beer bubbles,

bubble-ade, bubble cola, double cola,

double bubble burp-a-cola, and all

the crazy carbonated stuff that

tickles your nose. Few people

realize what tremendous power there

is in one of those things.

GRANDPA JOE: Sorry I asked.

MIKE: You think Slugworth would pay

extra to know about this?

MRS. TEEVEE: Just keep your eyes open

and your mouth shut.

WONKA: Everybody set?

CHARLIE: Is this gonna go fast,

Grandpa?

GRANDPA JOE: It should, Charlie.

It's got more gas in it than a

politician.

WONKA: Now hold on tight. I'm gonna

really open her up this time and see

what she can do. Swifter than

eagles . . . stronger than lions . . .

(Bubble suds begin to spray out at

everyone.)

MIKE AND MRS. TEEVEE: Ohhhhhhhh!

WONKA: Must be a leak in the

distilling tubes.

CHARLIE: Grandpa!

GRANDPA JOE: I'm getting it too!

WONKA:

MARTHA! MARTHA! DU

ENTSCHWANDEST

[MARTHA! MARTHA! YOU HAVE

VANISHED]

MIKE: It's getting in my eye!

WONKA: (continuous)

AH, MEIN GLUCK NAHMST DU MIT

43

DIR

[MY HAPPINESS YOU TAKE WITH

YOU]

MRS. TEEVEE: Oh, it's even in my

shoes! I'm soaked! It'll never

come out!

MIKE: It's sticking to my gun.

WONKA: (continuous)

GEHT ES HIN WO DU ENTSCHWANDEST

[DOES IT GO WHERE YOU HAVE

VANISHED]

ODER TEILE ES MIT MIR.

[OR (DO YOU) SHARE IT WITH ME.]

MRS. TEEVEE: Oh, my dress, my hair,

my face! Ohhhhhh . . .

I'm sending you the cleaning bill, Mr.

Wonka!

(They go through the Hsawaknow.)

MRS. TEEVEE: I'm dry cleaned!

CHARLIE: Hey, Grandpa, what was that

we just went through?

WONKA: Hsawaknow.

MRS. TEEVEE: Is that Japanese?

WONKA: No, that's "Wonkawash"

spelled backwards. That's it,

ladies and gentlemen. The journey

is over.

GRANDPA JOE: Finest bath I've had in

twenty years.

CHARLIE: Let's do it again, Mr.

Wonka.

MRS. TEEVEE: You mean that's as far

as it goes?

MIKE: Couldn't we have walked?

WONKA: If the Good Lord had intended

us to walk, he wouldn't have invented

roller skates. Now would you all

please put these on. (They take

white coats and goggles.) We have to

be very careful. There's dangerous

stuff inside.

44. WONKAVISION ROOM

WONKA: Wonkavision: my very latest

and greatest invention.

MIKE: It's television.

WONKA: Uh, it's Wonkavision. Now I

suppose you all know how ordinary

television works. You photograph

something and--

MIKE: Sure, I do. You photograph

something, and then the photograph is

split up into millions of tiny pieces,

and they go whizzing through the air

down to your TV set where they're all

put together again in the right

order.

WONKA: You should open your mouth a

little wider when you speak. So I

said to myself, "If they can do it

with a photograph, why can't I do it

with a bar of chocolate?" I shall

now send this chocolate bar from one

end of the room to the other. It has

44

to be big because whenever you

transmit something by television, it

always ends up smaller on the other

end. Goggles on, please. Lights,

camera, action!

MRS. TEEVEE: (screams)

WONKA: You can remove your goggles.

CHARLIE: Where's the chocolate?

WONKA: It's flying over our heads in

a million pieces. Now watch the

screen. Here it comes. There it is.

Take it.

MIKE: How can you take it? It's just

a picture.

WONKA: All right, you take it.

CHARLIE: It's real.

WONKA: Taste it; it's delicious.

It's just gotten smaller, that's all.

CHARLIE: It's perfect.

MRS. TEEVEE: It's unbelievable.

GRANDPA JOE: It's a miracle.

MIKE: It's a TV dinner.

WONKA: It's Wonkavision.

GRANDPA JOE: It could change the

world.

MIKE: Mr. Wonka, can you send other

things? Not just chocolate, I mean.

WONKA: Anything you like.

MIKE: What about . . . people?

WONKA: People? Hmmm . . . I don't

really know. I suppose I could.

Yes, I'm sure I could. I'm pretty

sure I could. But it might have some

messy results.

MIKE: Look at me; I'm gonna be the

first person in the world to be sent

by television!

MRS. TEEVEE: Mike, get away from that

thing!

WONKA: Stop, don't, come back . . .

MIKE: Lights, camera, action!

MRS. TEEVEE: Mike! Where are you?

GRANDPA JOE: He's up there, in a

million pieces!

MRS. TEEVEE: Mike! Are you there?

WONKA: No good shouting here. Watch

the screen.

MRS. TEEVEE: Mike? Why's he taking

so long?

CHARLIE: Million pieces take a long

time to put together.

MRS. TEEVEE: Oh, where are they?

WONKA: There's definitely something

coming through.

45

MRS. TEEVEE: Is it Mike?

WONKA: Well it's hard to tell, but I--

MRS. TEEVEE: (wailing at the sight of

Mike, now shrunk) Ooooooooh

ho-hoooooh!

GRANDPA JOE: Our little group is

getting smaller by the minute.

MIKE: Look at me, everybody; I'm the

first person in the world to be sent

by television. Wow, what a wild trip

that was. It's the greatest thing

that's ever happened to me. Am I

coming in clear? Hey, Mom, I said,

"Am I coming in clear?"

WONKA: Great. He's completely

unharmed.

MRS. TEEVEE: You call that unharmed?

MIKE: Wow, that was something. Can

I do it again?

MRS. TEEVEE: No, there'll be nothing

left.

MIKE: Don't worry about a thing, Mom;

I feel fine. I'm famous. I'm a TV

star. Wait 'til the kids back home

hear about this.

MRS. TEEVEE: Nobody's gonna hear

about this.

MIKE: Where are you taking me? I

don't want to go in there!

(Mrs. Teevee puts Mike in her purse.)

MIKE (in the purse): Hey, let me out!

It's dark in here.

MRS. TEEVEE: Be quiet. (to Mr.

Wonka) Well . . .

MIKE (in the purse): Come on, Mom, I

want to be on TV.

WONKA: Well, fortunately small boys

are extremely springy and

elastic, . . .

MIKE (in the purse): Let me out, Mom,

or I'll gnaw*** my way out.

WONKA: (continuous) . . . so I think

we'll put him in my special

taffy-pulling machine. That should

do the trick.

MIKE (in the purse): I'm warning you,

Mom; there's a nail file in here . . .

MRS. TEEVEE: Taffy . . .

WONKA: (to an Oompa Loompa) To the

taffy-pulling room.

You'll find the boy in his mother's

purse. But be extremely careful.

MIKE (in the purse): (on "You'll") If

you don't let me out, I'll [smear your

lipstick]*** all over everything.

MRS. TEEVEE: (losing it) T-t-taffy

pull-- (as the Oompa Loompa

whispers to Willy Wonka) Oh, what's

he saying?

46

(Mike continues to protest.)***

WONKA: (to the Oompa Loompa) No, no,

I won't hold you responsible.

(Mrs. Teevee faints backwards into

Grandpa Joe's arms.)

WONKA: And now, my dearest lady, it's

time to say goodbye.

(Mrs. Teevee emits a noise.) No, no,

don't speak. For some moments in

life there are no words. Run along

now. (The Oompa Loompas drag her

out.) Adieu, adieu, parting is such

sweet sorrow.

OOMPA LOOMPAS:


I'VE GOT ANOTHER PUZZLE FOR YOU

OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADAH DEE


WHAT DO YOU GET FROM A GLUT OF TV

A PAIN IN THE NECK AND AN I.Q. OF THREE

WHY DON'T YOU TRY SIMPLY READING A

BOOK

OR COULD YOU JUST NOT BEAR TO LOOK

YOU'LL GET NO

YOU'LL GET NO

YOU'LL GET NO

YOU'LL GET NO

YOU'LL GET NO COMMERCIALS.


IF YOU'RE NOT GREEDY YOU WILL GO FAR


LIKE THE

OOMPA

OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DO

45. OUTSIDE WILLY WONKA'S OFFICE

WONKA: So much to do, so much to do,

invoices and bills, letters . . . I

must answer that note from the queen.

CHARLIE: Mr. Wonka, what's gonna

happen to the other kids? Augustus,

Veruca?

WONKA: My dear boy, I promise you

they'll be quite all right. When

they leave here, they'll be

completely restored to their normal,

terrible old selves. But maybe

they'll be a little bit wiser for the

wear. Anyway, don't worry about

them.

GRANDPA JOE: Eh, what do we do now,

Mr. Wonka?

WONKA: Oh, yes, well, I hope you

enjoyed yourselves. Excuse me for

not showing you out. Straight up the

stairs. You'll find the way. I'm

terribly busy. Whole day wasted.

Goodbye to you both. Goodbye. (He

enters his office.)

CHARLIE: What happened? Did we do

something wrong?

GRANDPA JOE: I don't know, Charlie.

But I'm gonna find out.

(They enter the office.)

46. WILLY WONKA'S OFFICE

(Everything is cut in half.)

47

GRANDPA JOE: Mr. Wonka?

WONKA: I am extraordinarily busy,

sir.

GRANDPA JOE: I just wanted to ask

about the chocolate. The lifetime

supply of chocolate, for Charlie.

When does he get

it?

WONKA: He doesn't.

GRANDPA JOE: Why not?

WONKA: Because he broke the rules.

GRANDPA JOE: What rules? We didn't

see any rules, did we, Charlie?

WONKA: Wrong, sir, wrong! Under

Section Thirty-Seven B of the

contract signed by him it states

quite clearly that all offers shall

become null and void if--and you can

read it for yourself in this

photostatic copy: "I, the

undersigned, shall forfeit all

rights, privileges, and licenses

herein and herein contained, et

cetera, et cetera . . . fax mentis

incendium gloria culpum, et cetera,

et cetera . . . memo bis punitor

delicatum!" It's all there, black

and white, clear as crystal! You

stole Fizzy Lifting Drinks. You

bumped into the ceiling which now has

to be washed and sterilized, so you

get nothing! You lose! Good day,

sir!

GRANDPA JOE: You're a crook! You're

a cheat and a swindler!

That's what you are. How can you do

a thing like this?

Build up a little boy's hopes and then

smash all his dreams to pieces.

You're an inhuman monster!

WONKA: I said Good Day!

GRANDPA JOE: Come on, Charlie, let's

get out of here. I'll get even with

him if it's the last thing I ever do.

If Slugworth wants a Gobstopper,

he'll get one.

(Long pause.)

CHARLIE: Mr. Wonka . . .

(Charlie leaves the Gobstopper on

Willy Wonka's desk.)

WONKA: So shines a good deed in a

weary world. Charlie . . . my boy . . .

You won! You did it! You did it! I

knew you would; I just knew you would.

Oh, Charlie, forgive me for putting

you through this. Please, forgive

me. Come in, Mr. Wilkinson.

Charlie, meet Mr. Wilkinson.

(Wilkinson--formerly known as

Slugworth--enters.)

WILKINSON: Pleasure.

CHARLIE: Slugworth!

WONKA: No, no, that's not Slugworth.

He works for me.

CHARLIE: For you?

48

WONKA: I had to test you, Charlie.

And you passed the test. You won!

GRANDPA JOE: Won what?

WONKA: The jackpot, my dear sir, the

grand and glorious jackpot.

CHARLIE: The chocolate?

WONKA: The chocolate, yes, the

chocolate, but that's just the

beginning. We have to get on, we

have to get on; we have so much time,

and so little to do. Strike that.

Reverse it. This way please. We'll

take the Wonkavator. Step in,

Charlie. Grandpa Joe, sir. This is

the Great Glass Wonkavator.

GRANDPA JOE: It's an elevator.

WONKA: It's a Wonkavator. An

elevator can only go up and down, but

the Wonkavator can go sideways and

slantways and longways and

backways . . .

CHARLIE: And frontways?

WONKA: . . . and squareways and

frontways and any other ways that you

can think of. It can take you to any

room in the whole factory just by

pressing one of these buttons. Any

of these buttons. Just press a

button and ZING! You're off.

And up until now I've pressed them

all . . . except one.

This one. Go ahead, Charlie.

CHARLIE: Me? (He pushes the

button.)

WONKA: There it goes. Hold on tight.

I'm not exactly sure what's going to

happen. Faster, faster . . . If we

don't pick up enough speed, we'll

never get through.

CHARLIE: Get through what?

WONKA: Ah-ha!

GRANDPA JOE: You mean we're

going . . .?

WONKA: Up and out!

GRANDPA JOE: But this roof is made of

glass. It'll shatter into a

thousand pieces. We'll be cut to

ribbons!

WONKA: Probably. Hold on, everybody.

Here it comes.

(The Wonkavator crashes through the

roof and flies into

the sky.)

GRANDPA JOE: You did it, Mr. Wonka,

congratulations!

WONKA: Get up. Take a look.

CHARLIE: Grandpa, our town looks so

pretty from up here.

GRANDPA JOE: Yeah, look over here,

Charlie. I think I see our house.

CHARLIE: Wow.

49

GRANDPA JOE: It really looks

beautiful.

CHARLIE: There's my school, Grandpa.

WONKA: How did you like the chocolate

factory, Charlie?

CHARLIE: I think it's the most

wonderful place in the whole world.

WONKA: I'm very pleased to hear you

say that because I'm giving it to you.

That's all right, isn't it?

GRANDPA JOE: You're giving Charlie

the--?

WONKA: I can't go on forever, and I

don't really want to try. So, who

can I trust to run the factory when

I leave and take care of the Oompa

Loompas for me? Not a grownup.

A grownup would want to do everything

his own way, not mine.

That's why I decided a long time ago

I had to find a child.

A very honest, loving child to whom

I can tell all my most precious candy

making secrets.

CHARLIE: And that's why you sent out

the Golden Tickets.

WONKA: That's right. So the

factory's yours, Charlie; you can

move in immediately.

GRANDPA JOE: And me?

WONKA: Absolutely.

CHARLIE: What happens to the rest

of--

WONKA: The whole family. I want you

to bring them all. (Charlie hugs

him.) But Charlie . . . don't forget

what happened to the man who suddenly

got everything he always wanted.

CHARLIE: What happened?

WONKA: He lived happily ever after.

END CREDIT SINGERS (VOICEOVER):




WANT TO MAKE THE WORLD

THERE'S NOTHING TO IT



LIVING THERE

YOU'LL BE FREE

IF YOU TRULY WISH TO BE

THE END

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infringment intended.

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