Love, Loathe And Learn Why I Loved, Then Loathed And Finally Learned From Facebook a real story

First I loved Facebook

I reveled in the attention,

and was engrossed in the gossips.

I used to enjoy seeing what others did or posting what I did,

You may call it stalking

or may be the love of self.

Yes, I loved my BIG ego.

I could say many things that I couldnt say on their face and yet go scot free

I was connected without really needing to meet or waste time.

I loved those surreal experiences and

was thrilled with my second world

I admired my own posts to no end,

and cherished the persona that I created for myself

Subtly but surely, Facebook became THE only reality.

I was addicted, and I would not admit.

My Facebook image larger than the real me and those shoes hard to fill

In real world and when I met real people, a false sense of familiarity overpowered the distance

Now, I started loathing myself

I saw that peoples opinions about me was not about me

I imagined that they saw me as a time waster

Even though I compromised 4+ hours of sleep each day

They saw me as jobless jack, or so I assumed.

They were probably calling me an egotist,

And I was getting increasingly uncomfortable with such notions

I was getting distant with myself, unable to accept that reality

Many a time, I saw them as intruding into my private life

At other times, I suspected that they were nonchalant

I felt terrible when people did not like my banal posts

I felt let down just because 299 friends wished on birthday. (I have all of 943 friends)

I started disliking their views and vice versa

I started reading too much into what they were posting

I made foes out of friends more because

I suspected that they knew me more than they should about me.

I started getting confused with my innate introversion and supposed exuberant extroversion.

There were conflicts with me and me

My many roles merged into one completely and a confused personality for all to see

I experienced incompleteness as everybody seemed to be doing awesome while my life seemed awful

Dreadful, hideous, repulsive, vile and upsetting to say the least

When I have nothing to write that day, I felt melancholic

No like in 4 hours was a misery, just as the wait for the next like or next comment was excruciating

Sleepless nights and sleeping pills wouldn't work

I snapped, slapped myself awake

And took a short Facebook Sabbath. I deactivated Facebook

And deleted the app from my phone and the iPad.

I started running sea ward and ran long distances, alone

Meditated by the beach, Rollerbladed on sidewalks

Prayed and started to discover the new me

That was in sync with me

And hence learned a few lessons

Facebook in itself was not bad. It was my own addiction

It was not how others saw me. It was how I thought they saw me.

They did not ignore me. They had placed importance to themselves.

Not that they didnt like me, they just took care of themselves.

The real world, real people were intact with their pristine goodness.

There still existed real meetings, real friends.

Online did not erase off-line identity. They coexisted.

There was a lot to learn and a lot more to unlearn.

So this is what I did

I slashed my friends list. All those not regularly adding value or making make me laugh had to go - unfollow or hidden.

I set a max limits on people. Less people, less content, less gossip, more time

I found a good reader app I use Flipboard to consolidate news and browse once a day for just 20 min.

I time boxed my online presence. I check Facebook only during breakfast, taxis or if I am waiting for some one.

I minimized the number devices Now my devices now serve specific functions

I deleted my phone app Just the way we remove junk food from the fridge to stick to a diet.

I turned to reliable content sources I followed useful content from professionals only on twitter, LinkedIn and tech blogs.

I use apps like Klout and Buffer to schedule sharing and wolfram alpha , retweet lab tell me on the good times to post.

The results are telling

Ive found myself refreshed, focused, and energetic.

I re-discovered the beauty of the world beyond inbox, newsfeeds and comments.

I was easy to love and loathe, it was arduous to step back, breathe in and to look at one self in the mirror.

And the journey continues #LifeIsOn #FullVolume

Love, Loathe And Learn Why I Loved, Then Loathed And Finally Learned From Facebook

By a President aspirant, amateur author, doting dad, experimental entrepreneur, passionate photographer, social media evangelist, tireless traveler, happenstance humanoid - Rajesh Soundararajan | @rajeshsound