Why do conflicts break out?

• We measure ourselves against others• We think in terms of stereotypes and

given roles that are hard to break out of• We have differing expectations and

perceptions that are not made explicit• We personify problems• We want to be proved right

Donald Brown's human universalsBeing able to act within the rules of society (1)Comparing ourselves to others (5) Self-control (15)Sex (22)Personal hygiene (48)

What does a user say after an online conflict process?

“I felt I was being dragged through the mud. It wasn’t said in a straightforward manner, but in that malicious, ironic, sarcastic fashion.”

“They have obviously already made up their mind that I disagree with them, or that I haven’t understood the issues involved.”

We notice different things –and hence have different expectations

Details or large figures, foreground or background, noticing or not noticing whether people wear hats, whether they have children or not... Or perhaps whether something is left out!

Women

Man

Umbrella

Tree

Sailboat

Dog

Symbol research

Symbol researchThe circle: is preferred by people who are considerate and fraternal yet unoriginal yes-men. They are kind, but not very creative. They tend to do factory or other routine work, and they love to relax for hours watching TV.

The triangle: is chosen by people attracted to power, such as the natural leader who cannot keep quiet in major gatherings, insisting on heading and coordinating everything. Sadly, this is also the group where most psychopaths come from.

The square: tends to be preferred by creative types, including many artists. We love their art and their peculiar world view, but hate to live together with them. This is also why many singles come from this group.

The cross: is chosen by typical intellectuals, who want to find the profound truth in everything, ideally in the most cumbersome and philosophical manner. They never believe in quick fixes, and they are fond of complex sentences. This is the group which nearly all computer nerds belong to.

- And that was all pure claptrap…

Fixed roles and positions

• As human beings, we tend to think in terms of highly regular structures

• We are fond of categorising objects and persons• It is very hard to break out of one’s given

role/position

Positioned

The moderator role is fixedPosition: cross, happy, agitated, grumpy, charming, young, etc.

Children and young users can also get into a position that is hard to shake off.Pretty boys … They were asking for it!

Conflicts

Conflicts are different and the same …

Stairmaster

Something happens in communication when you cannot

see each other …

- Emotional hijacking (Daniel Goleman)

Pathos versus Ethos and LogosAll good communication has three elementsA person under pressure puts across PathosThe rest of us answer with Ethos and Logos

CONFLICT

Exercise …

Help out your colleague: moderator Allan K

Could he have done anything differently?

Tools

• Communication and information. Talk about the conflict and it will change!

• Visualisation – show what you do – document it. Perhaps use the conflict escalator.

• Mentor schemes, etc.

The 360 degree perspective

1. Your own perspective2. The other’s perspective3. The 360 degree helicopter perspective

Exercise …

Learn to navigate in a real hardcore emotional tempest

Match, Pace and Lead