Why Can't I Move On? Narcissistic Abuse: A Complex Trauma. Compiled by Jeni Mawter
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Transcript of Why Can't I Move On? Narcissistic Abuse: A Complex Trauma. Compiled by Jeni Mawter
“Why Can’t I Move
On?”
Narcissistic Abuse:
A Complex Trauma
Compiled by Jeni Mawter
www.jenimawter.com
http://www.mymajors.com/blog/creativeoutlook/files/2013/10/chained-dreams-online.jpg
What happened when you met your
narcissist?
The narcissist mirrored your needs, desires,
fears and insecurities. They mirrored your
ideals, beliefs and value systems. They shared
your ethics and human compassion. They
were the whole package.
Mind + Body + Spirit + Soul = Soul Mate
You’d found your Soul Mate!
Narcissistic Relationships
are mutually
addictive
http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/originals/b4/78/db/b478dbc011d6086ed99c19e7a55a9769.jpg
Narcissistic Relationships
are mutually
addictiveThe Narcissist
wants to be:
Loved
Adored
Admired
Cherished
http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/x/chain-hearts-
17930342.jpg
You want to
be:
Loved
Adored
Admired
Cherished
A Relationship with a
Narcissist
comes at a cost
Mental Cost = Sanity/Self-
esteem/Confidence
Physical Cost = Energy/Safety/Health
Psychological Cost =
Fear/Depression/Anxiety
Spiritual Cost = Lose your ‘Self’/Soul/Spirit
Social Cost =
Reputation/Networks/Supports
Sexual Cost = Relationships/Pleasure/Trust
Financial Cost = Security/Money/Home/Job
http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/dd/b2/73/ddb273f68f08c262425fd14f0f10c89d.jpg
“Why do you
keep paying
with your life?”
Maybe you don’t know
what you’ve been dealing
with
http://www.adamsmith.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/ignorance-620x300.png
Maybe you ignore Warning
Signs
http://naijaoddstories.files.wordpress.com/2013/08/wpid-17.jpeg
Don’t listen to your intuition?
http://brainworldmagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/shutterstock_99404807.jpg
Maybe you do know
EVERYTHING about
Narcissistic Personality
http://media-cache-ec3.pinimg.com/736x/dc/23/ec/dc23ec68e11e3fd8856c66529a204c8c.jpg
Yet you
still
can’t
move on!
Knowledge
hasn’t helped you
http://assets.mixxtopia.com/images/730x%3E/80/91/0d/80910d0dfde84859be2c44a84616f107.jpg
Knowledge alone is not enough
https://homesforfamilies.files.wordpress.com/2014/09/knowledgeispower.gif
Maybe you choose not to
act?
http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs47/f/2009/239/3/4/
i__m_sorry__my_hands_are_tied__
by_boobookittyfuck.jpg
Maybe you don’t know how to
act?
http://www.psychologyatsouthyarra.com.au/images/psychology_help.jpg
Don’t know where to start?
http://orgjunkie.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/when-you-dont-know-where-to-start2.jpg
What
to do?
Who
am I?
http://modifiedarts.org/wp-content/
uploads/Potter-11.jpg
Caution!
https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7019/6489863301_3269733f06.jpg
Why are you stuck
in this perpetual cycle?
Stuck in the aftermath of
Narcissistic Abuse?
Some thoughts
…
Have you become
dehumanized?
As human beings we:
- have essential needs to be accepted, loved and respected by ourselves and others.
- have dreams and hopes for meaningful and productive futures.
- need to feel connected with others.
- need some form of control in our lives.
Society Let You Down? - Mythshttp://sd.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk
Society Let You Down? – Family
http://real.fstatuses.com/cards/hearts/642154.jpg
Society Let You Down? –
Religious Leaders
http://images.3aw.com.au/2012/12/19/3901153/191212-Religious-Symbols.jpg
Society Let You Down? –
Health Professionals
http://www.paulkiritsis.net/drugabuse.jpg
Society Let You Down? -
Counselors
http://image.slidesharecdn.com/7mythsaboutnarcissism-110215075316-phpapp02/95/7-myths-about-narcissism-4-728.jpg?cb=1411737172
Society Let You Down? –
Law Enforcement
http://d3thflcq1yqzn0.cloudfront.net/022416038_prevstill.jpeg
Society Let You Down? –
Legal System
Narcissists
love
Courtroom Drama
http://storytweetblog.com/2014/09/13/
narcissistic-repercussion/
Society Let You Down? –
You
ME?!!!
http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/111/3/d/what_do_you_mean_meme_by_jasperseidel-d4x2gtr.jpg
Maybe you won’t believe
the abuse is deliberate
https://www.pilkington.com/~/media/Platform/Icons/Pilkington%20Product%20Categories/BLC%20Safety%20Securi
ty.ashx?mw=200
You’re keeping up a façade
http://fc05.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2013/231/4/b/behind_the_mask_by_kaizoku_hime-d6it0f3.jpg
You feel ashamed …
http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Society/Pix/pictures/2011/7/6/1309962558124/Young-black-man-with-
head-007.jpg
You’ve been in denial
http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/thumb/msid-22175182,width-310,resizemode-4/poke-me-shouldnt-we-
stop-being-in-denial-over-the-health-of-our-leaders-people-readers-react.jpg
You’ve been living with the
false hope that things will
change
http://fc00.deviantart.net/fs14/f/2007/043/0/7/false_hope_by_feelmefromtheINSIDE.jpg
It feels like you’ve got
too much to lose
http://www.jobboardscripts.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/stay-or-leave.jpg
You’re being Triangulated
http://www.theravive.com/blog/image.axd?picture=2009%2F7%2Ftriangulation-a.jpg
You feel overwhelmed
http://b.fastcompany.net/multisite_files/fastcompany/imagecache/1280/poster/2014/10/3037633-poster-p-1-6-steps-to-stop-feeling-so-overwhelmed.jpg
You feel abandoned
http://www.runningwithspoons.com
You’re confused …
http://thereselives.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/large.jpg
When you Dissociate to
Disappear,
http://metaphoricalmarathons.files.wordpress.com/2012/11/20121115-143310.jpg
it feels like you’ve lost your
soul
http://images.fineartamerica.com/images-medium-large-5/a-lost-soul-brian-graybill.jpg
You’ve become a “Missing
Person”
in a body
http://pixelsatanexhibition-com.zippykid.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/michelle-robinson_uselessness-project-365-looking-for-the-lost-self_130201-1024x768.jpg
You don’t know who you are
anymore
http://www.pastortullian.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/identity_crisis-291x3001.jpg
Your assumptions about
yourself
have been shattered. You now
feel: - Vulnerable
- Unlovable
- Irrational
- Immoral
- Unworthy
- Unforgiving
- Irrelevant
- Weak
- A poor judge of character
- Shameful
- Not Safe
- Undeserving
- Lack confidence
- Gullible
- Desperate
- Bitter
- Angry
- Naïve
- A failure
- Traumatized
- Powerless
You don’t have the energy
to move on
You were taught wrong!
http://www.liveluvcreate.com/image/love_respect_forgive-439073.html
When you expect nothing
in return you’ve learnt …
http://blank.to/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/5_k.jpg
You’ve become Nothing
http://samuelatgilgal.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/criticism-784297.jpg
Maybe you’ve been betrayed
too many
times!
http://www.psychic-medium-readings.co.uk/blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/betrayal-240x300.jpg
You’ve lost all your trust
http://drewchial.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/trust-fall.jpg
Maybe there are too many
narcissists in your life?!
http://uploads0.wikiart.org/images/honore-daumier/meeting-of-thirty-five-heads-of-expression.jpg
Your boundaries are being
violated
http://musictherapyeolcare.files.wordpress.com/2014/03/fence.jpg?w=672&h=372&crop=1
You are in a permanent state
of
Hypervigilence
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NJ9wC5l-
8nE/Tqn6nW_3uzI/AAAAAAAABVk/PimfqmmjPX8/s400/Fight%2BOr%2BFlight%2BUncertainty.jpg
You can’t concentrate or
sleep
http://www.batte.com/images/figures/e.exhaustion.w.jpg
You’re exhausted …
http://data1.whicdn.com/images/40542999/thumb.jpg
You’re bogged down with
negative self talk
http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/image3.jpg
You’re confused by
mixed messages
http://www.9lenses.com/wp-content/uploads/The_Ultimate_Love-Hate_Relationship_–_Marketing__Sales.gif
You think you’re going
Crazy!
http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2011/357/e/5/i__m_not_crazy____am_i__by_maxkill300-d4k1m5d.jpg
The Pain is Physical and
Constant
http://kalabalu.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/22-649x627.jpeg
Yet your wounds are invisible
http://wwwassets.rand.org/content/rand/capabilities/solutions/addressing-the-invisible-wounds-of-
war/_jcr_content/par/solution/contextImage.aspectfit.0x0.jpg/1393779650822.jpg
Tactic: Reversal of Victim
RoleThe Narcissist puts a huge amount of effort into their
public persona. Bystanders believe that they are
genuine, righteous and kind. If a victim attempts to
disclose their maliciousness The Narcissist makes
derogatory remarks about the target’s mental state,
character and motives.
They use role reversal, feigning moral indignation
and playing the role of victim. Believing the public
persona supporters see the real victim, attempting to
be heard, as the abusive one.
From http://psychopathresistance.wordpress.com
People don’t understand
the extent of your torment
http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/9a/c1/25/9ac1255051f26cc63203a58ab14556a1.jpg
So there’s No Validation
We heal
when
we are
heard
and
validated
No Validation means No Justice
from
Legal Systems
Family
Friends
Work Colleagues
Peers
New Partners
Health Systems
http://www.wallpaperhere.com/System_Failure_6939/downloa
d_1024x768
It feels like it’s never over
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-bI36yWhwDLw/UciMvOCoDuI/AAAAAAAAAaE/pWKyiAudbKI/s1600/spider.jpg
Nothing gets resolved!!!
http://cps-static.rovicorp.com/3/JPG_400/MI0002/095/MI0002095848.jpg?partner=allrovi.com
You feel trapped
http://static.squarespace.com/static/540cc627e4b068678cd35206/t/5435aad5e4b09dbd92ea6da2/1412803285714/
06web.jpg
You’re Emotionally ‘Shut
Down’
http://chosen129.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2014/04/HolleyGerth-Quote.jpg
‘Self’ doubting
http://www.nextbigwhat.com/pi-of-life-please-stop-hiding-in-the-cracks-297/
Isolation gives ‘Self’
Protection
http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/c7/80/2b/c7802bf8ab9702442374b03cfaaa8c26.jpg
You keep re-living the pain
http://www.psychologytoday.com/files/imagecache/og/blogs/40875/2010/12/51578-41666.jpg
Your pain is your identity
http://www.imaginationstudio.com/images/digiart/damedium/Identity%20Crisis.jpg
You’re stuck on being ‘The
Victim’
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-7C9UIz3JozU/Uw2BLvI3AvI/AAAAAAAAARE/eHZEDe4hgBU/s1600/
Steve+Maraboli+Quote+Victim+Mentality.jpg
You’re Stuck in the Past
http://images.psxextreme.com/wallpapers/ps3/lost_identity_1273.jpg
Unresolved
Grief and Forgiveness
http://brainbodybalance.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/forgiveness1-300x227.png
You’re too nice! In order to move on
you must reject what drives you
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jfUgrSCsIUI/TnJBF-
42xbI/AAAAAAAAANA/RgeO0vYQf_8/s1600/I+Face+Trials+with+an+Open+Mind%252C+Faith%252C+Love+
and+Kindness.jpg
You feel meaningless
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/203/488566808_3c5703fecb.jpg?v=1178597646
You feel used and
discarded
http://dethcheez.deviantart.com/art/Discarded-2-Close-Up-60849999
You feel powerless
http://www.carolecgood.com/1206409464X4DK13I.jpg
You feel
battle
worn
http://thechive.files.wordpress.com
/2013/01/top-taps-127-42.jpg
?w=500&h=750
Why is it so easy
for an abuser
to get away with it
and so difficult
for an abuse victim
to be heard?
Unless others have experienced
Narcissistic Abuse they don’t
believe it
https://afternarcissisticabuse.files.wordpress.com/2013/12/1inexplicable.jpg?w=604
You can’t change
a Narcissist
so you have to
change your ‘Self’
What is your ‘Self’?
http://images.fineartamerica.com/images-medium-large/who-am-i-sladjana-endt.jpg
Needs
Desires
Opinions
Thoughts
Feelings
Values
Beliefs
Voice
Ideals
Start by
finding the
missing
‘You’
http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/
originals/7a/54/f6/7a54f6983fa3ae
7506473501c28fee9b.jpg
Maybe create a new ‘You’
http://i.vimeocdn.com/video/493294383_640.jpg
Watch this space!
http://www.birmingham-box.co.uk/files/images/applicationfiles/1128.001eeb5e/800x600.fitdown.jpg
About Jeni Mawter
Jeni Mawter is an Australian
writer whose young adult
multi-text novel, Kiss Kill, is
about Narcissistic Personality
Disorder.
http://amzn.com/B00PIADCNY
www.jenimawter.com
Narcissistic Abuse
thrives in secrecy
Please
share
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http://www.slideshare.net/jenimawter/moving-on-from-narcissistic-abuse-due-to-narcissistic-personality-disorder-npd-compiled-by-jeni-mawter
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