Chapter 4:Building Relationships by Communicating Supportively*Developing Management Skills

Learning ObjectivesBuild supportive relationships even when delivering negative feedbackAvoid defensiveness and disconfirmation in interpersonal communicationImprove ability to apply principles of supportive communicationImprove relationships by using personal management interviews*

Positive RelationshipsResult in better physical and emotional well-beingHelp people perform better at work and concentrate more on the task at hand.*

Frequent Organizational ProblemsReliance on technologyDominance of e-mailLess face-to-face communication

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Problems with Electronic CommunicationToo much information, low qualityNo content to information, lacks meaningInterpretation of information depends on relationships with sender*

Communication ProblemsMost individuals dont seem to feel a strong need to improve their own skill level*

Focus on AccuracyThe ability to transmit clear and precise messages.*

Inconsistent PronunciationsWe polish Polish Furniture.He could lead if he would get the lead out.A farm can produce produce.The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse.The present is a good time to present a present.The dove dove into the bushes.*

Relationships Between Unskillful Communication and Interpersonal Relationships*

Coaching and CounselingCoaching: giving advice, direction or information to improve performance.Counseling: helping someone understand and resolve a problem him/herself by displaying understanding

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Coaching and CounselingCoaching: focuses on abilities

*Counseling: focuses on attitudes

When to CoachLack of abilityInsufficient informationIncompetenceSubordinate must understand the problem

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When to CounselPersonality clashesDefensivenessOther factors tied to emotionsI can help you recognize that a problem exists.

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Obstacles to Supportive CommunicationDefensivenessOne individual feels threatened or attacked as a result of the communicationSelf-protection becomes paramountEnergy is spent on constructing a defense rather than on listeningAggression, anger, competitiveness, and/or avoidance as a result of the communication

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Obstacles to Supportive CommunicationDisconfirmationIndividual feels incompetent, unworthy, or insignificant as a result of the communicationAttempts to reestablish self-worth take precedenceEnergy is spent trying to portray self-importance rather than on listeningShowing off, self-centered behavior, withdrawal, and/or loss of motivation are common reactions

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Supportive CommunicationHelps the sender communicate accurately and honestly without jeopardizing interpersonal relationships.*

Attributes of Supportive CommunicationCongruentDescriptiveProblem-OrientedValidatingSpecificConjunctiveOwnedSupportive Listening

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Supportive CommunicationBased on congruence: a match between what an individual is thinking and feeling*

Supportive CommunicationIs descriptive and reduces the tendency to evaluate and cause defensiveness.*

Descriptive CommunicationDescribes objectively the event, behavior, or circumstanceFocus on the behavior and your reactionFocus on solutions*

Supportive CommunicationIs problem-oriented and does not focus on personal traits which cannot be changed.*

Supportive CommunicationValidates and helps others feel recognized, understood, accepted, and valued.*

Invalidating CommunicationConveysSuperiorityRigidityIndifferenceImperviousness*

Validating CommunicationEgalitarianFlexibleTwo-wayBased on agreement*

Supportive CommunicationIs specific and identifies something that can be understood and acted upon.*

Global CommunicationFocuses on extremes and absolutes which deny any alternatives. My way or the highway!*

Supportive CommunicationIs conjunctive and joined to a previous message.*

Disjunctive CommunicationOccurs when there is,Lack of opportunity for others to speakExtended pausesTopic control

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Interaction ManagementCreates conjunction by:Taking turns speakingManagement of timingTopic Control*

Continuum of Conjunctive StatementsInsert figure 4.2*

Supportive CommunicationIs owned and acknowledges the source of the idea. Ownership conveys responsibility.*

Disowned CommunicationResults in the listener never being sure of whose point of view the message represents.*

Supportive CommunicationRequires active listening and responding effectively to someone elses statements.*

Effective ListeningIn skills important for managers, effective listening was ranked highest.Individuals usually understand about a fourth of what is communicated.

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Responding to OthersFour Types of ResponsesAdvisingDeflectingProbingReflecting

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Response Types*

AdvisingProvides direction, evaluation, personal opinion, or instructionCreates listener control over the topicCan produce dependence*

DeflectingSwitches the focus from communicators problem to on selected by the listenerAppropriate if reassurance is neededImply that the communicators issues are not important*

ProbingAsks questions about what the communicator saidUsed to gather informationCan appear that the communicator must justify what is happening

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Four Types of ProbesElaborationClarificationRepetitionReflection*

ReflectingMirror back to the communicator the message that was heardInvolves paraphrasing and clarifyingCould appear that the listener isnt listening*

Personal Management InterviewA regularly scheduled, one-on-one meeting between management and subordinates*

Personal Management InterviewStep 1: A role-negotiation session which sets expectations of employees and managers.Step 2: A set of on-going one on one meetings to development and improvement.*

Effects of Personal Management Interview*

Culture and CommunicationLanguage pattern and structures are dramatically different across culturesThere are, however, universal principles that apply to interpersonal problems

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Behavioral GuidelinesDifferentiate between coaching situations and counseling situationsUse problem-oriented statements rather than person-oriented statementsCommunicate congruently by acknowledging your true feelings without acting them out in destructive ways

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Behavioral GuidelinesUse descriptive, not evaluative, statementsUse validating statements that acknowledge the other persons importance and uniquenessUse specific rather than global statements when correcting behaviorUse conjunctive statements that flow smoothly from what was said previously

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Behavioral GuidelinesOwn your statements, and encourage the other person to do likewiseDemonstrate supportive listeningImplement a personal management interview program characterized by supportive communication

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