WhatYouHeardIsNotWhatISaid TrainersGuide 2007 ENG

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“ What you heard isNOT what I said!”The Keys to Effective Communication

Course designed by:

JCI Sen. Reginald T. Yu, ITF 101 JCI Manila (Philippines)

E-Mail: [email protected]

TRAINER’S GUIDE


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2“What You Heard is NOT What I Said!” – The Keys to Effective Communication

Credits:

Communicating Effectively (The BriefcaseBooks)

By Arredondo, LaniPublished by McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc.2 Penn Plaza, New York, NY 10128, USACopyright 2000Website: www.books.mcgraw-hill.com

The Undiscovered Self

By Jung, Carl G.Published by New American Library

375 Hudson Street, New York, NY 10014, USACopyright 1958Website: www.penguinputnam.com

Speak for Success

By Ward, SusanPublished by The New York Times Company229 West 43rd Street, New York, NY 10036Phone: (1-212) 556-1234Website:http://sbinfocanada.about.com/od/speakforsuccesscourse/a/speechlesson1.htm

Barriers to Effective Communication

By Wilson, BrianPublished by College of Marin835 College AvenueKentfield, CA 94904, USAPhone: (415) 485-9322Email: [email protected] Website: http://www.marin.edu

What’s My Communication Style?

By Bearley, William L.; Eicher, James P., Jones, John E.Published by HRDQ Experience Learning2002 Renaissance Boulevard #100King of Prussia, PA, USA 19406-2756 Phone: (610) 279-2002Email: [email protected] Website: www.hrdq.com


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Course Outline

“ What You Heard is NOT What I Said!” –

The Keys to Effective Communication

SUMMARYIn this seminar, participants will explore ways on how to communicate effectively, as away of understanding themselves and others. It incorporates methods stemming fromthe right combination of tone of voice, words, body language and pace of speech andactions. These four areas make up the components of a person’s behavioral style. Itaims to adapt our behavior in order to communicate effectively with others.

OBJECTIVES1. To learn what comprise effective communication and its various components.

2. To become aware of your own communication style and its strengths andweaknesses.

3. To learn and practice key skills that will make your communication more effective.

4. To understand behavior patterns that are barriers to effective communication5. To become motivated to use the tools and techniques immediately for improving

your communication.

MAIN POINTS1. Opening2. Effective Communication: What is it?3. The Communication Process4. Communication Styles5. Key Communication Skills6. Barriers to Communication7. In summary8. Evaluation and Closing

LENGTH Minimum length: Half-Day; Maximum length: Two (2) Days

PARTICIPANTS Unlimited

EQUIPMENT1. Laptop or desktop computer2. LCD projector and screen3. Whiteboard and marker

MATERIALS1. Participant’s Guide (handouts)2. Communication Style Assessment Forms (handouts)3. Permanent marker (one for each group of at least 2 participants)4. Writing Instrument per participant

REFERENCES1. Arredondo, Lani. Communicating Effectively (The Briefcase Books) McGraw-Hill

Companies, Inc., USA, 2000.

2. Jung, Carl G. The Undiscovered Self . New American Library, USA, 1958.3. Ward, Susan. Speak for Success. The New York Times Company. New York,

USA, 2007.4. Bearley, William L.; Eicher, James P., Jones, John E. What’s My Communication

Style? HRDQ Experience Learning. Pennsylvania, USA. 2007.

ROOM LAYOUT Classroom


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Time, Slides and Materials Notes for the Trainer

Minimum: Half-Day “ What You Heard is NOT What I Said!” Maximum: Two Days The Keys to Effective Communication

1. OPENING

Show Slide 1, “ What You Heard is NOT What I Said!” and leave it up until youstart the session.

A. Welcome

Start the session on time. Welcome all participants and thank them for attendingthe seminar. Explain that the session is about how to become a more effectivecommunicator, which they can apply outside JCI. Urge them to participate,disagree, debate, ask questions and try to learn as much as possible during thesession.

We are going to share some ideas about how to communicate effectively and Ireally hope to hear your input and ideas on this topic, not just mine. We canagree with each other or disagree and that is fine, but we need to be respectful ofeach other’s opinions while debating the content of the course. Activelyparticipating by contributing ideas and opinions will be an important factor ineffective learning during this seminar. To get the best results from the session,total involvement is required from each participant.

Communication is the ability to share information with people and to understandwhat information and feelings are being conveyed by others. Communication cantake on many forms including gestures, facial expressions, signs, vocalizations(including pitch and tone), in addition to speech and written communication.

Communication skills are important to developing professional and personalrelationships. Relationships begin and grow through communication, and thequality of communication influences the quality of the relationships. Effectivecommunication skills are essential. Without them, one's effectiveness in all rolesin life- professional, leader, manager, parent, friend, etc. – is limited.

The process of verbal interaction is important to maintaining our health andemotional well-being. Communicating effectively with others is an importantcharacteristic of leadership and it shapes our success. When we share ourexperiences and feelings sincerely, we come to realize that all of us experienceemotions, but that each of us experiences them in our own way. We canrecognize the similarities among us as well as our individual differences.

Failures in communication happen when the message received is different fromthe message intended. That is why we call this course, “What You Heard is NOTWhat I Said!”

B. Introductions

If the participants do not know each other, ask them to introduce themselves,stating their name, chapter, position in the chapter and the reason that theydecided to attend this particular seminar (i.e. their expectations for theseminar).


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C. Objectives

Most organizations, JCI included, do a great job in training their members and

officers in on-the-job skills, but completely overlook interpersonal skills training.How important is communication training? We often take our ability tocommunicate for granted. We use various forms of verbal and non-verbalcommunications in nearly everything we do, and we generally give little thoughtto the process. Communication is, however, both an art and a science, andrequires our full attention and consideration if we are to use it skillfully.

Show Slide 2, “Objectives” and leave it up as you discuss the objectives for theseminar.

1. To learn what comprise effective communication and its variouscomponents.

2. To become aware of your own communication style and its strengths andweaknesses.

3. To learn and practice key skills that will make your communication moreeffective.

4. To understand behavior patterns that are barriers to effectivecommunication.

5. To become motivated to use the tools and techniques immediately forimproving your communication.

The fact is that the majority of the problems and conflicts we experience in ourpersonal lives and at work stem from our failure to communicate well. Each of uslives in a very subjective world of individual perception. Every individual sees theworld through a lens of subjectivity, and filters all input through that lens. In ourinteraction with others, we tend to assume that our words and actions areunderstood as we intended them. Unfortunately it just doesn't work out that way.

We misinterpret and are misunderstood and don't usually realize it until conflictarises.

2. EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION: WHAT IS IT?Effective communication skills are essential in determining our ability to haverewarding relations with others and to achieve satisfaction in life. The quality ofour relationships with friends, spouses, children, and colleagues are alldependent upon sound communication skills. In fact, it is often our failure tocommunicate effectively that leads to personal disappointment and thebreakdown of important relationships. Unfortunately, we often leave the successof important relationships to chance – until communication fails and therelationships begin to deteriorate. By then, however, it may already be too late.

Show Slide 3, “ Effective Communication: What Is It? – Divider Slide” andask the class why organizations need to nurture this skill. Use the whiteboardand write down the responses of the participants or ask a participant to come upand help you write down the responses of the class. Be careful not to interjectyour own thoughts and ideas into this exercise as it is very important that theclass come to a bit of a consensus as to what the value of a communications(and therefore, the purpose of this seminar) means to them.

Be sure to offer questions to keep the debate lively and open-ended. For


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instance, if participants tend to focus on the benefits of communicating effectivelywithin a voluntary organization like JCI, ask them in what other avenues we seethe need for effective communications (i.e. personal relationships with one’s

significant other, family, or work-related situations).

Also, encourage them to add more reasons why communicating effectively isimportant. In the end, summarize the comments of the class, which are written onthe whiteboard and obtain the agreement of the class as to whether thissummary is sufficient to warrant the publication of a newsletter.

Show Slide 4, “ Effective Communication: What Is It? (Slide A)” and leave itup as you discuss with the class each one of the major reasons for such:

1. Communication is we can do to give and get understanding. It is anexchange of words and meanings, a two-way process of sending andreceiving messages.

2. Effective communication occurs when there is shared meaning. Themessage that is sent is the same message that is received. There must bea mutual understanding between the sender and the receiver for thetransmission of ideas or information to be successful.

Communication involves so much more than just words. Body language has asignificant impact on communication. What is said and how it is said is equallyimportant. The sound of the voice, the facial expression, and the body posturecarry strong messages.

Show Slide 5, “ Effective Communication: What Is It? (Slide B).”

It’s easier to say that the other person doesn’t understand than to work tounderstand the other person. Each person shares equal responsibility or blame

when communication is difficult or isn’t working. Try looking at the world from theother person’s perspective. Walk a mile in his shoes.

A “definition” of Effective Communication, therefore, could be broken down intothe following elements:

• Using language that is appropriate to others' levels of understanding.• Making sure others receive the information or knowledge intended.• Developing relationships with others.• Talking with others in a way that facilitates openness, honesty and

cooperation.• Providing feedback.

3. THE COMMUNICATION PROCESS

Show, Slide 6, “ The Communication Process – Divider Slide”Communication is the exchange of messages between people for the purpose ofachieving common meanings. It is a way of exchanging and sharing ideas,attitudes, values, opinions, and facts.

Ask class for their thoughts on how a communication process goes. Elicit theiropinions on what makes an ideal communication process.


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Use the whiteboard and write down the responses of the participants or ask aparticipant to come up and help you write down the responses of the class. It isimportant here that the participants get a chance to share what they think are

the components in a complete communication cycle and determine possiblemisconceptions and how to correct them.

Tell the class that, while the list of characteristics drawn up by the class isimportant, it is even more important to first ask the basic elements which makeup an effective communication process.

Show, Slide 7, “ The Communication Process (Slide A)”

Significantly, communication is a process that requires both a sender, whobegins the process, and a receiver, completes the communication link. In anorganization, the communication process is very important for those leaders totransform the orders to their members, transform the concepts to theirconstituents, and also can help the members to report their working processes.

As a result, to totally understand the process of communication is compulsory forboth the leader and the members in an organization.

Effective communication is usually two- way. The two-way communicationprocess includes:

• A Sender - This is the first person to speak or the one who initiates thecommunication.

• A Receiver - This is the "listener," the one or ones for whom the messageis intended. Receivers are usually interpreting and transmitting messagessimultaneously. They are listening to what is being said and thinking about

what they are going to say when the sender stops talking. Simultaneously,they may be reacting in nonverbal ways- with a smile or nod, flushed face,trembling hands or in some other way, depending on how they areinterpreting the message.

• The Message- This is what the sender wants the receiver to know. Itincludes the verbal message (content) and nonverbal messages inferredfrom the sender and the environment.

• Feedback- This is the lifeline of effective communication, the ingredientthat distinguishes two-way from one-way communication. Without it,senders and receivers are far less likely to achieve mutual understandingabout the message.

After the first few seconds, interpersonal communication becomes asimultaneous two-way sending and receiving process. While senders are talking,they are receiving nonverbal reactions from receivers. Senders make inferencesbased on the receivers' reactions and adjust subsequent communicationaccordingly. For example, they may change their tone, speak loudly or usesimpler language. The ability to do this, results in the message being betterunderstood. It helps prevent miscommunication.


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Show, Slide 8, “ The Communication Process (Slide A)”

However, if we seek more details of the communication process, we find that the

Mathematical Theory of Communication Model of the late Dr. Claude Shannon,dubbed as “The Father of Information Theory,” is the most widely-acceptedversion of the communication process.

If we analyze his diagram, the communication process can be analyzed into itsbasic components:

1. The sender is the initiator of the message.

2. Encoding is the process of translating the intended meaning into symbols(which includes words and gestures).

3. The message is the encoding process outcome, which consists of verbaland nonverbal symbols that have been developed to convey meaning tothe receiver.

4. The medium is the method used to convey the message to the intendedreceiver (such as by telephone, e-mail, reports). Factors to consider whenselecting a medium include relative speed, cost, convenience, intelligibility,timing, feedback options, and documentation.

5. The receiver is the person with whom the message is exchanged.

6. Decoding is the process of translating the symbols into the interpretedmessage. In effective communication, the sender and receiver achieve acommon meaning.

7. Noise is any factor in the communicating process that interferes withexchanging messages and achieving common meaning.

8. Feedback is the basic response of the receiver to the interpretedmessage. During feedback, the receiver becomes the sender. It alsoprovides preliminary information to the sender about the success of thecommunication.

Why is the study of this process important?

Human success or ruin, even life and death, commonly depend on how well wecommunicate. "Human error" is usually cited as the root cause of majordisasters: crashed airliners, fatal mistakes in hospitals and surgery, giant oil

spills, sunken ships, broken marriages, business bankruptcies, extinction ofnations or their borders, civil and criminal court decisions, ruined cities, lost wars.

Although greatly oversimplified, this description of the complex communicationprocess should have the practical value of putting us all carefully on guardagainst the illusory complacency that communicating effectively is simple oreasy. Instead, it is complex and difficult, deserving our highest concentration.


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4. COMMUNICATION STYLES

Show, Slide 9, “ Communication Styles – Divider Slide”

Individuals have various preferences for both communicating with others andinterpreting the communications from others. Numerous models have beendeveloped which describe how to recognize an individual's preferred style ofcommunicating and what strategy to use in communicating most effectively withthem.

Ask class for their thoughts on how they would define a “communication style.”Elicit their opinions on what makes an ideal communication style – if there is oneat all.

Use the whiteboard and write down the responses of the participants or ask aparticipant to come up and help you write down the responses of the class. It isimportant here that the participants get a chance to share what they think arethe various communication styles, based on their own experiences incommunicating with others.

Show, Slide 10, “ Communication Styles (Slide A)”

If you find yourself frustrated, stifled, pushed, or confused about your currentrelationships with your friends or by the people you attract, take a look at thecommunication in your relationship and your communication style.

Is your approach to communication well-matched with your current set of friendsor with people you tend to attract? If so, you will tend to be fairly satisfied andcontent in your relationships. But if not, you will tend to be frustrated, feel eitherstifled or pushed, and may find yourself confused about the relationship much of

the time.

Communication is the act of sending and receiving messages. Style is how webehave. So communication style, then, is how we behave when we aresending and receiving messages. Our personal communication style is thatstyle we use most often, when we are able to communicate in our most naturalway. You see it every day. There are loud communicators and quiet ones.

There are detailed communicators and those who are not. There are those whoare friendly and caring, and those who are more direct and analytical. When wedon't understand those differences, communication can become a problem.

Show, Slide 11, “ Communication Styles (Slide B)”

Although each individual is unique, there are commonalities to personal style. Infact, most research has found two basic dimensions of style, assertiveness andexpressiveness.

Assertiveness is the effort that a person makes to influence or control thethoughts or actions of others. People who are assertive tell others how thingsshould be. They are task-oriented, active and confident. People who are lessassertive ask others how things should be. They are process-oriented, deliberate


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and attentive.

Expressiveness is the effort that a person makes to control his or her emotions

and feelings when relating to others. People who are expressive display theiremotions. They are versatile, sociable and demonstrative. People who are notexpressive control their emotions. They are focused, independent, and private.One’s personality style is determined by his or her assertiveness andexpressiveness. Four styles result from combining assertiveness andexpressiveness.

Controlling what you say and how you say it are easier than controlling the otheraspects of communication; such as your body language and how you usephysical space. You may not realize that you have folded your arms or raisedyour eyebrow, but those actions communication something about what you arethinking. Even the way you set up your office or how your desk lookscommunications something about you.

Show, Slide 12, “ Communication Styles (Slide C)”

The noted psycho-analyst Dr. Carl Gustav Jung, has encapsulated these fourcommunication styles as follows:

1. Spirited2. Considerate3. Systematic4. Direct

Each style has definite strengths that are evident in communication.Knowledge of your strengths and weaknesses allows you to draw on them tofind situations in which your strengths are a benefit.

Show, Slide 13, “ Communication Styles (Slide D)”

One’s personality style is determined by his or her assertiveness andexpressiveness. Four styles result from combining assertiveness andexpressiveness:

1. Spirited = High Assertiveness, High Expressiveness2. Considerate = Low Assertiveness, High Expressiveness3. Systematic = Low Assertiveness, Low Expressiveness4. Direct = High Assertiveness, Low Expressiveness

Whether or not you are aware of it, your communication style comes through

you. The style that you use most often is called your dominant style.

Show, Slide 14, “ Communication Styles Model Diagram”

A better visual relationship among the different styles is shown in the slide,created by leading developmental psychologists and human resource experts atHRDQ, a leading learning materials developer and consultancy firm in the UnitedStates.


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People with different styles often develop misunderstandings that result morefrom their style differences than from real differences in their beliefs or opinions.

A certain amount of flexibility is necessary to communicate with people who have

different styles. This means understanding others’ styles and being willing andable to adjust one’s style to interact more effectively with them.

Recognizing another’s style allows us to make adjustments in our own behaviorto accommodate that person’s style. This in turn makes that person feel more atease and helps us to achieve our goals more readily. It takes some willingnessand effort to expand beyond one’s own style to interact with others. It is generallyappreciated, however, and may make the difference between success and failurein an interaction.

Minimum: 10 minutes Communication Style Self-Assessment TestMaximum: 20 minutes

Show, Slide 15, “What is Your Communication Style?”

Communicating with others is an essential skill in business dealings, familyaffairs, and romantic relationships. Do you often find yourself misunderstandingothers? Do you have difficulty getting your point across clearly? When it comesto communication, what you say and what you don't say are equally important.Being a good listener is quite crucial. Find out how your interpersonal skills rateby taking the Communication Style Self-Assessment Test.

The purpose of this test is to give the participants a“snapshot” of their communication style.

Two (2) Communication Style Self-AssessmentTest Forms (one for Speaker and one for Listener )

are then given to all participants for them to answerin a minimum of ten (10) minutes but not exceedingtwenty (20) minutes.

Show, Slide 16, “ Communication Styles (Slide E)”

After the given time period, ask the class to add thenumber of filled circles vertically for each column.The column which has the highest number of scoreswould represent their most dominant style. The columns from left to rightrepresent the following communication styles, in this order:

I – Spirited

II – ConsiderateIII – SystematicIV -Direct

Although many people have a clear, dominant communication style, otherscommunicate using several styles. Or they may also use different styles indifferent situations. Because communications take many forms (e.g. language,facial expressions, body movements), there is sometimes more flexibility inpeople’s styles.


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Describe to the class the definition and characteristics of the each of the fourdifferent communication styles.

Show, Slide 17, “Spirited”

People with a Spirited style are enthusiastic and friendly. They prefer to bearound other people and thrive in the spotlight. Because of their positive focusand their lively nature, they are able to generate motivation and excitement inothers. Spirited people work at a fast pace because they prefer stimulation.

They are well suited to high-profile positions in which public presentations areimportant. The spontaneity of Spirited people promotes quick and decisiveaction. They are good at building alliances and using relationships to accomplishwork.

Show, Slide 18, “Considerate”

People with a Considerate style value warm, personal relationships. They oftenhave good counseling skills and others come to them for support because theyare good listeners. Considerate people are cooperative and enjoy being part of ateam. They are reliable and steady. Because they are considerate, they arealways aware of others’ feelings.

Considerate people work best in an environment in which teamwork is essential.Their ability to help others makes them suitable for any of the helping professionsin which they can care for others.

Show, Slide 19, “Systematic”

People with a Systematic style place a heavy emphasis on accuracy and

objectivity. They make their decisions based on facts and attempt to leaveemotions out of them. Their reliance on data makes them excellent problemsolvers. They tend to be persistent in their analyses, maintaining a critical focusthroughout their work. Systematic people are orderly and prefer to work in anorganized environment with clear guidelines.

Because Systematic people can work independently and follow-through on tasksthey are well-suited for independent, technical jobs.

Show, Slide 20, “Direct”

People with a Direct style tend to take charge of their lives. They prefer to be incontrol and are quite capable of working independently. They are decisive in their

actions and are high achievers. Direct people thrive on competition. They enjoythe challenge of a fight and enjoy the win even more. They maintain a fast paceas they work single-mindedly on their goals. Direct people are good in positionsof authority in which independence is required. They possess strong leadershipskills and have an ability to get things done. They are not afraid to take risks toget what they want.

In summary:


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Each style has definite strengths that are evident in communication. Knowledgeof your strengths allows you to draw on them and to find situations in which yourstrengths are a benefit.

Show, Slide 20a, “Style Strengths”

The characteristics of your dominant styles are listed in the slide. It is helpful tobe aware of your characteristics to broaden your understanding of others’ stylesas well as your own.

All four styles also contain potential trouble spots.

Some of these trouble spots stem from the simple fact that any good thing takento an extreme can become a problem.

Show, Slide 20b, “Style Weaknesses”

The characteristics of your dominant styles are listed in the slide. Understandingothers’ style trouble spots will help you to recognize times when you need toadjust your own style to improve communication.

People with different styles often develop misunderstandings that result morefrom their style differences than from real differences in their beliefs or opinions.

A certain amount of flexibility is necessary to communicate with people who havedifferent styles. This means understanding others’ styles and being willing andable to adjust one’s style to interact more effectively with them.

Show Slide 20c, “How Do You Interact?”

Recognizing another’s style allows us to make adjustments in our own behaviorto accommodate that person’s style. This, in turn, makes that person feel more atease and helps us to achieve our goals more readily. It takes some willingnessand effort to expand beyond one’s own style to interact with others. It is generallyappreciated, however, and may make the difference between success and failurein an interaction.

In this slide, behaviors that make interaction with each style more effective areshown. Ask the class to take a minute or so to study them. If you have time, askthe class on how they could capitalize on their newfound insight on their personaland individual communication styles. Ask leading questions which may beanswered by the participants, such as:

1. What are the positive aspects of your communication style? (include allforms of communication)

2. List some examples of how those positive aspects have benefited you inyour communication at work.

3. What can you do to strengthen your positive aspects or add more?

4. What are some of the aspects of your communication style that hinder the


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effectiveness of your communication?

5. What can you do to control or eliminate those hindrances to your

communication?

These insights will be most useful if everyone thinks about how effective theircommunication is now and plan how they can improve by highlighting theirstrengths and controlling their weaknesses.

5. KEY COMMUNICATION SKILLS

Show, Slide 21, “ Key Communication Skills – Divider Slide”

Interpersonal communication is an art. Some people are naturally good at it, andthey can't really tell you why. They are just great communicators. They get alongwith most people and know how to build strong working relationships. They knowhow to listen. They know how to get their point across. They know how tocollaborate and negotiate. When they need to confront, they don't hesitate, butthey don't erode the relationship in the process. In fact, the clarity they bring todifficult situations strengthens the respect that underlies their workingrelationships. These people are artists.

Some communication artists have an amazing in-born talent for effectiveinterpersonal communication. Others have developed their skills through study,practice and a lot of trial and error. Regardless of how they acquired theirinterpersonal skills, effective communicators stand head and shoulders abovetheir peers.

Show, Slide 22, “ Key Communication Skills (Slide A)”

Interpersonal communication is truly an art, but it's also a science. The science ofclear communication, active listening, persuasion and collaboration is easy toteach, but hard to learn. Effective communication is situational. The "right" thingto say or do in one situation may backfire in another. What works with oneperson doesn't work with another. Effective communicators have mastered boththe science and the art of interpersonal communication, applying the principles ofemotional intelligence to each situation they encounter.

For this course, we need to realize that there are four (4) basic requisite skillswhich we have to develop some level of competence before we cancommunicate effectively. These are:

1. Clarity

2. Expression3. Pace4. Listening

Show, Slide 23, “ Key Communication Skills (Clarity – Slide A)”

For listeners, one of the most irritating speech habits is a speaker that doesn’tenunciate clearly.


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When you don’t bother to pronounce each syllable of each word properly andwords get slurred together, you sound uneducated. Worse, your listener has ahard time hearing you – especially if there’s other noise around you or when

you’re speaking on the phone.

Minimum: 5 minutes Exercises for Clarity: Hear Yourself and Tongue TwistMaximum: 10 minutes

Show, Slide 24, “ Key Communication Skills (Clarity – Slide B)”Dropping “g”s is one of the most common examples of poor enunciation. Havethe class say this list of words out loud:

• Going• Walking• Jogging• Thinking• Striking• Selling

Did you say “go-ing” or did you say “go-in”? If you said “go-in” (or “walk-in”, “jog-gin”, etc.), you’re a G-dropper.

Be warned; this was not a fair test. Pronouncing words in isolation is verydifferent than what we normally do when we speak.

Show, Slide 25, “ Clarity Exercise 1: Hear Yourself”

Have the class say the following sentences out loud three times each, while fullyenunciating each word:

• I’m going to have to rethink that bid.• Waiting to hear back from the bank is very nerve-wracking and stressful.• Before starting my business, I looked at a lot of different business

opportunities.• There’s more to learning than just reading, writing and arithmetic.

Show, Slide 26, “ Clarity Exercise 2: Tongue Twist”

Next, have the class say each of the following sentences out loud three timeseach, as quickly as they can while fully enunciating each word.

• Keeping customers content creates kingly profits.• Success seeds success.• Seventeen sales slips slithered slowly southwards.• Time takes a terrible toll on intentions.• Ensuring excellence isn’t easy.• Time takes a terrible toll on intentions.• Bigger business isn’t better business but better business brings bigger

rewards.

Because it’s so hard to perform naturally when we’re focusing on speaking well,the best way to determine whether or not we’re enunciating properly when we


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speak and stop slurring and mumbling is to enlist a speech monitor.

It’s a lot easier for someone else to pick up on our sloppy speech habits than to

hear ourselves. For convenience, choose someone that lives with you (spouse,child, or roommate), explain that you’re working on your enunciation, and ask himor her to tell you whenever you drop a G or don’t speak clearly. Keep track ofhow often your speech monitor tells you you’ve committed this speech offense.

Show, Slide 27, “Fillers”

If sloppy enunciation is one of the most irritating speech habits, using excessivefillers while you speak is the most irritating speech habit. Fillers range fromrepetitious sounds, such as “uh”, “um” and the dreaded Canadian “eh”, throughfavorite catch words and phrases, such as “you know”, “anyway”, “all right” and“like”. I won’t even attempt to give a full list of them here, because new fillerssuch as “whatever” are continuously creeping into people’s speech.

The problem with using fillers such as these when you speak is that they distractyour listener – often to the point that he doesn’t hear anything you say.

Your message is entirely lost, obscured by the thicket of fillers surrounding it.Think about the last time you listened to someone with the filler habit. Chancesare good you spent the time he spoke either being annoyed or counting thenumber of times he said the filler phrase.

Minimum: 10 minutes Exercise for Clarity: Tell Me GameMaximum: 20 minutes

Show, Slide 28, “ Clarity Exercise 3: Tell Me Game”

This exercise is designed to test the individual participant’s speech to see if heuses fillers and to identify his favorite filler words and phrases. He will need toassign a partner to listen to him.

The coach should tell the participants the purpose of the game beforehand andarrange the class into groups of two. The partner’s task is to identify and list allfillers as his partner speaks. Set a timer for one minute. His task is to speak forone minute on this topic:

• “Your business’s products and/or services.”

Do NOT allow the participant any time to think about the topic. Just have himspeak. Speaking impromptu will more closely reproduce his “usual” speech

habits.

Have them continue to use the Tell-Me Game to try and cut down on the numberof fillers they use in spontaneous speech. Increase the time of the exercise totwo minutes.

As the speaker, the participant’s role is to speak impromptu on one of thefollowing speech topics for two minutes.


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Do NOT allow the participants to spend time thinking about the topic before theyspeak.

1. Your favorite hobby and why it’s your favorite.

2. If you had unlimited resources, what would you do to improve yourbusiness?

3. What do you like best about what you do? Why?

4. What’s the worst fault a person can have? Why?

5. If you could be young again, would you? Why?

As the only way you’re going to eliminate fillers from your speech is throughconstant diligence, the help of your speech monitor (or monitors) will beinvaluable.

Show, Slide 29, “Expression”

Speaking in a monotonous voice is a real communication killer. When the varietyof your voice’s pitch doesn’t vary, it’s impossible for your listener to maintain anyinterest in what you’re saying. He tunes out – quickly. Once again, your messagefalls by the wayside.

But even if he did hear it, he probably wouldn’t believe it. People who speak in amonotone or with inappropriate expression in their voices are perceived asuntrustworthy, boring, or even shifty. As a business, sales or professional personyou can see why you’d want to fix this sloppy speech problem right away!

Minimum: 10 minutes Exercise for Expression: EmotionMaximum: 20 minutes

Show, Slide 30, “Expression Exercise 1: Emotion”

The purpose of this exercise is to practice getting more vocal variety into yourspeech, so the participants are going to be saying these sentences in differentways.

First, say the sentence out loud as you would if the participant was ecstaticallyhappy. Then say the same sentence out loud as he would if he was extremelysad.

1. I just got a call saying that I won a vacation in Las Vegas.

2. I’m going to have to change that light bulb.

3. My next door neighbor has a new Ferrari.

4. I just got an “A” in my molecular physics exam.

5. My mother-in-law is moving to our place.


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6. I’ll be able to retire in two months.

Minimum: 10 minutes Exercise for Expression: Belief

Maximum: 20 minutesShow, Slide 31, “ Expression Exercise 2: Belief”

The purpose of this exercise is to practice conveying meaning throughexpression in each participant’s speech, so once again, he is going to be sayingthese sentences in different ways.

First, call in five volunteers from the audience in front and have them recite eachsentence out loud as you would if they truly believed the statement.

Then have them say the same sentence out loud as they would if they didn’tbelieve what they were saying and wanted to convey their disbelief to theirlisteners.

1. You’ll never regret buying one of these.2. This extended warranty is a great deal.3. This is definitely a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.4. Marrying my wife/husband is the best thing that ever happened to me.5. I am on top of the world.6. I am proud to be a JCI member.

Perhaps the best source of speech exercise material is children’s books. Whenwe read one of these aloud to a child, we tend to try out a variety of differentvoices and exaggerate the expression in our voices in response to the child’sresponse as we read.

If you have no children’s books (or children) on hand, remember that any fictionwill work.

Show, Slide 32, “ Pace”

Speaking too quickly is one of the most common speech problems – perhapsbecause almost all of us tend to speed up our speech when we’re stressed orexcited. And when are we not stressed when we’re working? Making a cold call,meeting a new contact, working on a project with a deadline – all of thesesituations are stressful and cause all kinds of physiological responses, includingspeeding up our speech.

Some people, however, are genuine “motor mouths” – people who always speak

rapidly.

Speaking too slowly is much less common, but believe it or not, there are peoplewho tend to speak naturally with a rate of speed that leaves gaps between wordsand drawls out syllables to extremes.

The trick to speaking at an appropriate pace is remembering that you need tospeak at a rate that allows your listener to understand what you’re saying.


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Minimum: 10 minutes Exercise for Expression: PaceMaximum: 20 minutes

Show, Slide 33, “ Pace Exercise: Phrasing”

Because the pace of speech and comprehension are so closely linked, thisexercise focuses on speaking at the optimum pace for making your messageunderstood.

For this exercise, ask the class to form in groups of two. The partner’s task is tocomprehend what the participant is saying and give him feedback about hisspeech pace.

As the speaker, his task is to tell the partner how to do something in five steps.He may jot down the five steps he’s going to use as speaking points on a pieceof paper before he begins, if he wishes.

Groups may choose one of the following speech topics and think of five stepsdescribing how to do it. Then tell his partner how to go about it.

1. How to perfectly boil an egg2. How to plant a tree3. How to send an email4. How to handle a customer complaint5. How to make the perfect cup of coffee or tea

Show, Slide 34, “Listening”

The first step in developing skilled communication is effective listening. Relatingto others is impossible unless you can “fully hear” what they are saying.

Assuming that you truly want to communicate with others, listening is the mostimportant speech skill of all. Unfortunately, it’s also the speech skill that ispracticed the least.

We’re thinking about other things instead of listening to whoever is speaking tous. There’s a grain of truth to the adage, “in one ear and out the other”, exceptthat often the information doesn’t even enter the one ear in the first place.

It will sound strange to refer to this as a sloppy speech habit, but it is.We’re wired to listen; we just don’t bother doing it all the time.

Because we can get away with it. Most of the time, the speaker won’t know we’re

not listening. As long as we continue to face him, keep a suitable expression onour face, and don’t do something blatant such as belt out a show tune, how willhe know that we’re actually somewhere else entirely? He won’t.

But you do. And you’re the one that has to make a commitment to truly listening.In other words, I want you to become an active listener. To listen actively, youneed to change from being a passive target to being a contributor to thecommunication. Make this one change, and you’ll improve your communicationskills a thousand fold.


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Show, Slide 35, “Set the Stage”

Stop whatever else you are doing. Turn to face the speaker and make eye

contact. If you’re standing, your arms should be held loosely at your sides. Ifyou’re sitting, place your hands in your lap or loosely along each arm of thechair. Whether standing or sitting, do not cross your arms, which sends out anegative message.

If you’re sitting, your legs should also be uncrossed. Lean slightly towards thespeaker. You want your body language to send the message that you arereceptive to the speaker’s message.

Show, Slide 36, “ Appropriate Advancement”

As the speaker speaks, make appropriate comments that advance theconversation. Just saying “um” or “ah” here and there won’t do it. You need toshow the speaker that you’re actively listening to what he’s saying by makingstatements or asking questions that show that you’ve been paying attention.

Like the next technique, summarizing, this active listening technique works wellin both face-to-face and communication situations where the speaker can’t seeyou.

Show, Slide 37, “Summarizing”

This is a particularly powerful technique for showing the speaker you’ve beenpaying attention whether you’re in a face-to-face situation or listening over thephone. You can use it during conversation by saying something such as, “Youwere saying that...” and simply restating the speaker’s last point. Its mostpowerful use is at the end of the conversation, when it’s “officially” your turn to

respond.

Start by saying, “You said that...” and then summarize the speaker’s key points,closing by adding an action statement, something you will do as a result of whatthe speaker has said.

Minimum: 15 minutes Exercises for Listening: Listen to Me GameMaximum: 25 minutes

Show, Slide 38, “ Listen to Me Game”

The purpose of this exercise is to find out how well the participants can apply thetechniques for active listening as explained in the last three slides.

For this exercise, ask the class to again form in groups of two, preferably with thesame partner they had in the last “Tell Me Game.” The partner’s task is tocomprehend what the participant is saying and give him feedback about hisspeech pace.

This time, the previous participant who acted as the speaking in the “Tell MeGame” is going to be the listener instead of the speaker. Have his partner chooseone of the speech topics below and speak impromptu for two (2) minutes. Histask is to be an active listener, and apply the three active listening techniques


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above:

1. What are the four things you least like to do? Why?

2. What are your three best personality traits? Why?3. Who do you most admire? Why?4. What’s the worst job you ever had? Why?5. What would you do if you won US$10 million? Why?

Perform this exercise at least three times, using different speech topics andworking up to a speech time of three minutes.

You’ve now worked through six lessons designed to shape up your speech. IfI’ve succeeded in my goal for this course, you’re now able to speak moreconfidently and better able to communicate with your listeners - and thisimproved ability to communicate is already translating into more success for youin your business, job or profession.

6. BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION

Show, Slide 39, “ Barriers to Communication – Slide Divider”

One of the most common complaints from people is that they cannotcommunicate with each other. All of us have experienced, at one time oranother, the frustration of feeling misunderstood and being unable to makeourselves understood by another person.

Recognizing barriers to effective communication is a first step in improvingcommunication style.

Show, Slide 40, “ Barriers to Communication (Slide A)”

Remember the Dr. Shannon’s communication model? A breakdown in any oneof these elements can produce a barrier to communication. The message thatwas sent is not the message that was received.

Let’s go back to the simpler model of two people talking. We have to rememberthat the process of selecting and organizing symbols to represent a messagerequires skill and knowledge.

Show, Slide 41, “ Barriers to Communication (Slide B)”

From the part of the sender, obstacles can include any one of the followingreasons:

1. Lack of sensitivity to the receiver2. Lack of basic communication skills3. Insufficient knowledge of the subject4. Information overload5. Emotional interference6. Conflicting message7. Channel barriers


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Show, Slide 42, “ Barriers to Communication (Slide C)”

The communication cycle may break down at the receiving end for some of these

reasons:

1. Lack of interest2. Lack of knowledge3. Lack of communication skills4. Emotional distractions5. Physical distractions6. No provision for feedback7. Inadequate feedback

These factors can lead to a breakdown in the communication process, especiallyin groups where there is a greater likelihood that one or more of these factors willbe present. When a breakdown occurs, the result is miscommunication.

The receiver gets a different message than the one intended. The results areusually negative and can include:

• Lost time• Feelings of resentment• Rumors• Poor relationships

Because these results can greatly affect the cohesiveness and effectiveness of agroup, it is critical that all members be aware of them and help safeguard againstthem.7. IN SUMMARY

Show, Slide 43, “ In Summary – Slide Divider”

People today have more choices of communication methods than ever before.There are . . .

• Face-to-face conversations.• Meetings.• Telephones in offices, cars and airplanes.• Memos, letters and telegraphs.• Electronic mail and FAX messages.• Media methods (such as, newspapers, magazines, radio, television).

With so many choices, it is sometimes difficult to know how best to communicateKeep three things in mind when selecting a method:

1. The importance of the message.2. The effectiveness of different methods.3. The kind of feedback you want.

If the message is important, it is often best to put it in writing. This is especiallytrue if it is to be sent to several people or there is a need to document thatinformation was shared. If it is an "oh, by the way . . ." type of message intended


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for one or two people, a phone call or note may do.

Show, Slide 44, “In Summary (Slide A)”

Ask one of the participants to read the text aloud and encourage otherparticipants to comment on the text. Should they have questions, now is the timeto entertain them.

8. SESSION EVALUATION AND CLOSING

Show, Slide 45, “Closing Slide”

Ask one of the participants to read the text aloud and encourage otherparticipants to comment on the text. Should they have questions, now is the timeto entertain them.

Effective communication is a skill. It can be learned and improved upon withpractice. This is necessary if individuals are to come together and become agroup. Through the process of communication- sending and receiving messages- individuals can develop understanding and respect for one another, shareinformation, challenge each to think differently and find the best possiblesolutions to the issues around which the group has formed.

So, let’s all “Be Better!”

Remind them of the importance of taking their individual development training tothe next level with the tools equipped on how to communicate effectively, basedon the principles learned in this seminar.

Allow some of the participants to briefly evaluate the session. If time allows, ask

them for a written evaluation form to be fil led out (Feedback Page on theParticipant’s Manual).

Conclude the session in a positive way, getting a commitment from theparticipants to utilize the ideas from the seminar in their own local organizations.Thank the audience for the time, energy, talents and participation.

WhatYouHeardIsNotWhatISaid TrainersGuide 2007 ENG

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Transcript of WhatYouHeardIsNotWhatISaid TrainersGuide 2007 ENG