What’s Your Relationship with Aging? · 2017-05-04 · Rebecca Gallagher...
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Newsletter | May 2017 What’s Your Relationship with Aging? Our relationship with the aging process not only tells us important things about how we see ourselves but also about our willingness to see others of all ages as equally viable human beings. by Jeanette Leardi, ChangingAging Contributor Forgive me for stating the obvious, but it’s worth noting that people have var- ying degrees of awareness of this fact. Some of us are conscious of the real- ity of getting older on an almost constant basis. Others of us barely give it a thought. Most of us fall somewhere in the middle. What’s more important, perhaps, isn’t how often we think about aging but rather, how we feel about it when we do. Are those thoughts positive or nega- tive ones? Do we welcome them or try to keep them from coming to mind at all? Our relationship with the aging process not only tells us important things about how we see ourselves but also about our willingness to see others of all ages as equally viable human beings. And so, the question arises: What’s your relationship with aging? We ask the question in this way because living with aging is analogous to having a rela- tionship with another person, which can be described in one of four ways. Aging as an “enemy”: People who experience aging in combative terms are doing so from a place of fear. To them, getting older means becoming more vulnerable to inevitable degeneration and decline. It’s a threat they struggle to defeat despite the reality that aging is a natural process of life. Nevertheless, they do all that they can to hold aging at bay for as long as possible by using such weapons as Botox, hair dye, and suspect nutritional supplements. Aging as a “stranger”: People who treat aging as a stranger are basically in denial about the fact that they are getting older. Aging takes on the veneer of unfamiliarity, of being foreign to one’s personal experience. “Who me?” they say. “No way! I’m not old.” Of course, this reaction is based on the same kind of fear with which one confronts an enemy, only the tactic is more one of flight rather than fight. Aging as a “neighbor”: Many people treat aging in the same way that they might tolerate an unpleasant next door neighbor whom they occasionally feel obligated to acknowledge. They deal with their aches and pains as inev- itable latter-years symptoms and stoically endure experiences of ageism, all the while failing to perceive any advantages to getting older. Aging as a “friend”: This kind of relationship is characterized by meaningful engagement. Like any friendship, aging can be sometimes challenging and problematic but also deeply rewarding in the many experiences and insights it brings. People who treat the aging process as a valued friend mindfully seek to nurture it and defend its honor and dignity. They stand up to ageism just as they would to a bully who is pushing their friend around. And they look forward to more years of such a fulfilling relationship. It’s easy to see that each of us not only falls somewhere along this enemy- stranger-neighbor-friend spectrum, but that during the course of our lives we often journey from one type of relationship with aging to another. Our relationship with aging can remain as a loving friendship throughout our lives when we understand that it’s a cumulative experience that provides us with an ever-changing variety of psychological and spiritual gifts –– if we are open to anticipating and accepting them. So I ask again: What’s your relationship with aging? If you’ve had a falling out somewhere along the line, maybe it’s time to reconcile. Keep an eye out for our shopping and lunch trips this month! Please sign up at the front desk for shopping trips to Shaw’s, Walmart, CVS, & the Dollar Store! Our lunch trips this month include places like Adria & The Lobster Pot in Wareham! ACTIVITY HIGHLIGHT Refer a friend… Get $1500! Contact us for details.
Transcript of What’s Your Relationship with Aging? · 2017-05-04 · Rebecca Gallagher...
Newsletter | May 2017
W h a t ’ s Yo u r Re l a t i o n s h i p w i t h A g i n g ?Our relationship with the aging process not only tells us important things about how we see ourselves but also about our willingness to see others of all ages as equally viable human beings.
by Jeanette Leardi, ChangingAging Contributor
Forgive me for stating the obvious, but it’s worth noting that people have var-ying degrees of awareness of this fact. Some of us are conscious of the real-ity of getting older on an almost constant basis. Others of us barely give it a thought. Most of us fall somewhere in the middle.
What’s more important, perhaps, isn’t how often we think about aging but rather, how we feel about it when we do. Are those thoughts positive or nega-tive ones? Do we welcome them or try to keep them from coming to mind at all? Our relationship with the aging process not only tells us important things about how we see ourselves but also about our willingness to see others of all ages as equally viable human beings.
And so, the question arises: What’s your relationship with aging? We ask the question in this way because living with aging is analogous to having a rela-tionship with another person, which can be described in one of four ways.
Aging as an “enemy”: People who experience aging in combative terms are doing so from a place of fear. To them, getting older means becoming more vulnerable to inevitable degeneration and decline. It’s a threat they struggle to defeat despite the reality that aging is a natural process of life. Nevertheless, they do all that they can to hold aging at bay for as long as possible by using such weapons as Botox, hair dye, and suspect nutritional supplements.
Aging as a “stranger”: People who treat aging as a stranger are basically in denial about the fact that they are getting older. Aging takes on the veneer of unfamiliarity, of being foreign to one’s personal experience. “Who me?” they say. “No way! I’m not old.” Of course, this reaction is based on the same kind of fear with which one confronts an enemy, only the tactic is more one of flight rather than fight.
Aging as a “neighbor”: Many people treat aging in the same way that they might tolerate an unpleasant next door neighbor whom they occasionally feel obligated to acknowledge. They deal with their aches and pains as inev-itable latter-years symptoms and stoically endure experiences of ageism, all the while failing to perceive any advantages to getting older.
Aging as a “friend”: This kind of relationship is characterized by meaningful engagement. Like any friendship, aging can be sometimes challenging and problematic but also deeply rewarding in the many experiences and insights it brings. People who treat the aging process as a valued friend mindfully seek to nurture it and defend its honor and dignity. They stand up to ageism just as they would to a bully who is pushing their friend around. And they look forward to more years of such a fulfilling relationship.
It’s easy to see that each of us not only falls somewhere along this enemy-stranger-neighbor-friend spectrum, but that during the course of our lives we often journey from one type of relationship with aging to another.
Our relationship with aging can remain as a loving friendship throughout our lives when we understand that it’s a cumulative experience that provides us with an ever-changing variety of psychological and spiritual gifts –– if we are open to anticipating and accepting them.
So I ask again: What’s your relationship with aging?
If you’ve had a falling out somewhere along the line, maybe it’s time to reconcile.
Keep an eye out for our shopping and lunch trips this month! Please sign up at the front desk for shopping trips to Shaw’s, Walmart, CVS, & the Dollar Store! Our lunch trips this month
include places like Adria & The Lobster Pot in Wareham!
ACTIVITY HIGHLIGHT
Refer a friend…
Get $1500!
Contact us for
details.
Holy Communion this month has been moved from the first Thursday
of the month, to the second Thursday, May 11th, at 10:15 am in the Media Room.
Every TuesdayFancy Nails at 11:00am
Men’s LuncheonTuesday, May 30th at noon time in the
activity room
Red Hat Tea SocialWednesday, May 25th at 1:30 pm
DateSave
the
Events of This month
Staff Directory of
DEPARTMENT HEADS
Resident Of TheMONTH
Mary Cornax
Five Questions for Mary Cornax!
What are you most proud of ?“My children! I have 2 girls, Barbara & Joyce.”
Where was your favorite place to travel to?-“Morocco, My husband was stationed there for the air force. My first child was born there; we lived there for three years.”
What is your favorite activity here at All American?-“I like to play Bingo!”
Where would you travel to and why?“Florida, I went there every winter from October to April, I miss it! I miss the warm weather & swimming in the ocean!”
What is your favorite childhood memory?“Going to the beach all the time! We used to go to a friend’s cottage at Whitehorse beach. We would play in the sand and swim in the water!”
Executive DirectorKim Diaz
Business Office ManagerRebecca Suizdak
Activity DirectorJillian Longton
Resident Care DirectorHeidi MacFarlane
Food Service DirectorJane Dubois
Maintenance DirectorJoshua Bowen
Sales & MarketingKristen Ward
Rehab DirectorRebecca Gallagher
Happy Birthday May Residents!May Birthday Party
Wednesday, May 30th at 3:00pm!
Thursday, May 4th at 6:15 pmShort stories with Janet! Join her in the media room for a travelougue
to Tokyo!
Friday, May 19th at 3 pmHappy Hour and Entertainment with
Dick Mandell!
Thursday, May 25th at 3 pmBillionaire Bingo with Eric! Join us
for a fun filled game of bingo!
Wednesday, May 31st at 1:30 pmLawn games on the back patio!
Sund
ay
Mon
day
Tues
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nesd
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Thur
sday
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turd
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ay D
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ay o
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vuot
Fr
iday
10:0
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oppi
ng tr
ip to
Sha
ws!
10
:15
Sit &
Get
Fit
11:0
0 Le
t’s g
o A-
May
ing!
1:
30 F
low
er a
rrang
ing
1:45
Bal
ance
& m
obilit
y 2:
15 W
alki
ng c
lub
3:00
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py H
our
6:30
Nig
ht a
t the
mov
ies
10:1
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itnes
s 11
:00
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ails
1:
30 D
omin
oes!
3:
00 T
aco
Tues
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Soci
al in
the
bist
ro!
3:45
Boo
k cl
ub
6:15
Gam
e ni
ght w
ith
Jane
t!
10:0
0 St
. Joh
n’s
Ros
ary
10:4
5 Si
t & G
et F
it 11
:00
Lunc
h tri
p to
Adr
ia
1:30
Pok
eno!
2:
15 G
entle
Yog
a 3:
00 H
appy
Hou
r 6:
00 N
ight
at t
he m
ovie
s-
Men
’s c
hoic
e!
10:1
5 Fu
nctio
nal F
itnes
s
11:0
0 D
aily
Insp
iratio
ns
1:30
Jew
elry
mak
ing
3:00
Ice
crea
m b
ar s
ocia
l! 6:
15 S
hort
sto
ries
with
Jan
et-
Trav
elog
ue- A
rose
for T
okyo
!
10:1
5 Ba
lloon
Vol
leyb
all!
11
:00
Wha
t’s o
n yo
ur b
ucke
t lis
t?
1:30
Let
’s le
arn
abou
t Cin
co D
e M
ayo!
3:
00 C
inco
De
May
o H
appy
H
our!
6:
30 R
esid
ent c
hoic
e!
10:1
5 W
eeke
nd w
orko
ut
11:0
0 W
hat A
m I?
1:
30 K
entu
cky
Der
by D
ay!
2:30
Lau
ghte
r Yog
a 3:
30 B
ingo
Buc
k Bi
ngo!
6:
30 C
lass
ic T
.V. s
how
ni
ght
10:1
5 W
eeke
nd w
orko
ut
11:0
0 R
osar
y gr
oup
1:30
Cat
holic
Mas
s w
ith F
athe
r R
ing
2:30
Cre
ativ
e cr
afts
3:
30 B
ingo
Buc
k Bi
ngo!
6:
30 B
oard
gam
es in
the
bist
ro!
10:0
0 Sh
oppi
ng tr
ip to
Wal
mar
t! 10
:15
Sit &
Get
Fit
11:0
0 Tr
ivia
! 1:
30 J
ewel
ry m
akin
g!
1:45
Bal
ance
& m
obilit
y 2:
15 W
alki
ng c
lub
3:00
Hap
py H
our
6:30
Nig
ht a
t the
mov
ies
10:1
5 Fu
nctio
nal F
itnes
s 11
:00
Fanc
y N
ails
1:
30 C
reat
ive
craf
ts
3:00
Bra
in G
ames
! 3:
45 B
ook
club
6:
15 G
ame
nigh
t with
Ja
net!
10:0
0 St
. Joh
n’s
Ros
ary
10:4
5 Si
t & G
et F
it 11
:00
Lunc
h tri
p to
Mon
pons
ett
1:30
Gra
ndpa
rent
talk
2:
00 E
nter
tain
men
t with
Ric
hie
Bern
! 3:
00 H
appy
Hou
r 6:
00 N
ight
at t
he m
ovie
s- M
en’s
ch
oice
!
10:1
5 H
oly
Com
mun
ion
with
Jo
an fr
om S
t. Jo
seph
’s
11:0
0 C
aptio
n th
is!
1:30
Loa
ded
ques
tions
2:
00 E
nter
tain
men
t with
Dav
e Va
lerio
! 3:
00 P
enny
ant
e 6:
15 B
ingo
nig
ht w
ith J
anet
10:1
5 Ba
lloon
Vol
leyb
all!
11
:00
Star
of t
he m
onth
- Gar
y C
oope
r!
1:30
Bus
trip
to P
eace
ful
Mea
dow
s!
3:00
Hap
py H
our!
6:
30 R
esid
ent c
hoic
e!
10:1
5 W
eeke
nd w
orko
ut
11:0
0 A
“Won
der-F
ul” D
ay!-
Stev
ie W
onde
r’s b
irthd
ay!
1:30
Cal
vary
Cha
pel S
ervi
ce
2:30
Lau
ghte
r Yog
a 3:
30 B
ingo
Buc
k Bi
ngo!
6:
30 C
lass
ic T
.V. s
how
nig
ht
10:1
5 W
eeke
nd w
orko
ut
11:0
0 R
osar
y gr
oup
1:30
Mot
herly
Hum
or &
Mot
hers
of
Inve
ntio
n!
2:30
Mot
her’s
Day
Afte
rnoo
n Te
a So
cial
3:
30 B
ingo
Buc
k Bi
ngo!
6:
30 B
oard
gam
es in
the
bist
ro!
10:0
0 Sh
oppi
ng tr
ip to
The
Dol
lar
Tree
! 10
:15
Sit &
Get
Fit
11:0
0 Yo
u be
the
judg
e 1:
30 F
low
er a
rrang
ing!
1:
45 B
alan
ce &
mob
ility
2:15
Wal
king
clu
b 3:
00 H
appy
Hou
r 6:
30 N
ight
at t
he m
ovie
s
10:1
5 C
habo
om!
11:0
0 Fa
ncy
Nai
ls
1:30
Get
ting
to k
now
you
: Th
e Ja
pane
se p
eopl
e &
thei
r cu
lture
3:
00 B
rain
Gam
es!
3:45
Boo
k cl
ub
6:15
Gam
e ni
ght w
ith J
anet
!
10:0
0 St
. Joh
n’s
Ros
ary
10:4
5 Si
t & G
et F
it 1:
30 W
ii sp
ort
2:15
Gen
tle Y
oga
3:00
Hap
py H
our
6:00
Nig
ht a
t the
mov
ies-
M
en’s
cho
ice!
10:0
0 Fu
nctio
nal F
itnes
s 10
:45
Hea
lthy
Bone
s Fo
r Life
! 1:
30 J
ane’
s co
okin
g de
mon
stra
tion!
3:
00 R
oot b
eer f
loat
soc
ial o
n th
e ba
ck p
atio
! 6:
15 S
hort
stor
ies
with
Jan
et
10:1
5 Ba
lloon
Vol
leyb
all!
11:0
0 Th
e H
isto
ry o
f Aut
o R
acin
g!
1:30
Bow
ling!
3:
00 E
nter
tain
men
t with
Dic
k M
ande
ll &
Hap
py H
our!
6:
30 R
esid
ent c
hoic
e!
Dre
ss d
own
for
Alz
heim
er’s
! W
ear P
urpl
e!
10:1
5 W
eeke
nd w
orko
ut
11:0
0 W
ho A
m I?
1:
30 C
eleb
ratin
g Ar
med
For
ces
Day
! 2:
30 L
augh
ter Y
oga
3:30
Bin
go B
uck
Bing
o!
6:30
Cla
ssic
T.V
. sho
w n
ight
10:1
5 W
eeke
nd w
orko
ut
11:0
0 R
osar
y gr
oup
1:30
Afte
rnoo
n m
ovie
mat
inee
! 2:
30 C
reat
ive
craf
ts
3:30
Bin
go B
uck
Bing
o!
6:30
Boa
rd g
ames
in th
e bi
stro
!
10:0
0 Sh
oppi
ng tr
ip to
CVS
! 10
:15
Sit &
Get
Fit
10:3
0 Pa
intin
g w
ith P
aul
11:0
0 Ab
out V
icto
ria D
ay!
1:30
Ban
ana
brea
d ba
king
with
Li
sAnn
e!
1:45
Bal
ance
& m
obilit
y 2:
15 W
alki
ng c
lub
3:00
Hap
py H
our
6:30
Nig
ht a
t the
mov
ies
10:1
5 Fu
nctio
nal F
itnes
s 11
:00
Fanc
y N
ails
1:
30 L
emon
ade
soci
al
3:00
Res
iden
t Cou
ncil
Mee
ting!
3:
45 B
ook
club
6:
15 B
ingo
nig
ht w
ith
Jane
t!
10:0
0 St
. Joh
n’s
Ros
ary
10:4
5 Si
t & G
et F
it 11
:00
Lunc
h tri
p to
the
Lobs
ter
Pot
1:30
Pro
test
ant s
ervi
ce w
ith
Rev
eren
d Pe
ter S
mith
2:
15 G
entle
Yog
a 3:
00 H
appy
Hou
r 6:
00 N
ight
at t
he m
ovie
s- M
en’s
ch
oice
!
10:1
5 Fu
nctio
nal F
itnes
s 11
:00
Crib
bage
& c
ards
! 1:
30 R
ed H
at T
ea S
ocia
l! 3:
00 E
ric’s
Bill
iona
ire
Bin
go!!
6:15
Gam
e ni
ght w
ith J
anet
!
10:1
5 Ba
lloon
Vol
leyb
all!
11:0
0 Ab
out R
amad
an!
1:30
Triv
ia!
2:00
Ent
erta
inm
ent w
ith th
e O
PALS
! 3:
00 H
appy
Hou
r!
6:30
Res
iden
t cho
ice!
10:1
5 W
eeke
nd w
orko
ut
11:0
0 Po
keno
1:
30 A
ftern
oon
sing
alo
ng!
2:30
Lau
ghte
r Yog
a 3:
30 B
ingo
Buc
k Bi
ngo!
6:
30 C
lass
ic T
.V. s
how
ni
ght
10:1
5 W
eeke
nd w
orko
ut
11:0
0 R
osar
y gr
oup
1:30
Lem
onad
e &
Iced
Tea
m
usic
al s
ocia
l! 2:
30 C
reat
ive
craf
ts
3:30
Bin
go B
uck
Bing
o!
6:30
Boa
rd g
ames
in th
e bi
stro
!
10:1
5 Si
t & G
et F
it 11
:00
Wha
t war
was
it?
– Tr
ivia
! 1:
30 A
bout
Mem
oria
l Day
! 1:
45 B
alan
ce &
mob
ility
2:15
Wal
king
clu
b 3:
00 H
appy
Hou
r 6:
30 N
ight
at t
he m
ovie
s
10:1
5 Fu
nctio
nal F
itnes
s 11
:00
Fanc
y N
ails
1:
30 A
bout
Sha
vuot
! 2:
00 E
nter
tain
men
t with
Mik
e H
iggi
ns!
3:00
May
Birt
hday
Par
ty!
3:45
Boo
k cl
ub
6:15
Gam
e ni
ght w
ith J
anet
!
10:0
0 St
. Joh
n’s
Ros
ary
10:4
5 Si
t & G
et F
it 11
:00
Lunc
h tri
p M
eado
wbr
ook
1:30
Law
n ga
mes
on
the
back
pa
tio!
2:15
Gen
tle Y
oga
3:00
Hap
py H
our
6:00
Nig
ht a
t the
mov
ies-
Men
’s
choi
ce!
Pr
isci
lla D
5/1
, Edi
th M
5/3
, Mar
y K
5/4,
Pat
D 5
/9, J
ean
M 5
/11,
G
eorg
e S
5/18
, Bill
Mc
5/20
C
alen
dar i
s su
bjec
t to
chan
ge, P
leas
e se
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heet
at C
onci
erge
Des
k fo
r cha
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*Fr
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act
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re h
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blu
e
ALL AMERICAN ASSISTED LIVING AT HANSON
10 REASONS FAMILIES FIGHT ABOUT SENIOR CARE
1074 West Washington Street, Hanson, MA 02341781-447-4100 | www.AllAmericanAL.com
Caring for an aging loved one can be one of the most stressful family milestones. The sheer difficulty of the task, its high cost, as well as underlying family issues can collide to create a perfect storm of discontent. But when families put aside their differences and work together as a team for the best interest of their elderly loved one, they are often able to overcome this challenge and assure that their parent’s last years aren’t marred by bickering and strife.
Here are 10 reasons families fight about senior care, and advice about how to prevent these types of conflicts from derailing you…continued from our last issue
4. One Child Does All the Heavy Lifting Often the child who lives closest to mom or dad will be the one that assumes the role of the main caregiver. When other family members don’t offer to help, the “lucky” child who is giving all the care can come to resent the siblings who have gotten off without having to help. Possible Solution: Caregivers who have found themselves shouldering an inordinate portion of the burden from caregiving shouldn’t be afraid to ask other family members for help. Sometimes it is necessary to spell out your specific needs to your siblings rather than presuming that the needs are already understood. Outline to your siblings the challenges that you’re having, and any areas that they may be able to help with. While they may not be close enough to physically offer a hand, they may be able to contribute in other areas, such as by paying for caregiving related bills. They may also be able to host your parent in their home for short periods so that you can have a break.
5. One Child in Control Excludes Others From Decision Making A scenario almost opposite of the previous example occurs when one child takes over the caregiving role and leaves their siblings or other family members in the dark, perhaps even limiting access to their parent. Possible Solution: It hurts to feel left out, but if your parent’s care needs are being met and they seem safe and happy, it might not be necessary to intervene further
right now. If your relationship with the caregiving loved one is strained and you’re less involved than you’d like to be, strive to maintain an ongoing relationship with your parent nonetheless. If your parent doesn’t have a memory disorder like Alzheimer’s, you should be able to maintain a relationship by contacting your parent on the phone. If your sibling is acting as a gatekeeper and prevents you from reaching your parents this way, write emails or letters to show that you care, learn about the situation, and stay in touch.
6. How to Pay for Senior Care For many families, the most challenging part of arranging care is the question of how to pay for it, particularly when our parents don’t have the funds to pay themselves. This scenario is increasingly common as many seniors’ retirement accounts still haven’t recovered from the 2008 global economic meltdown and subsequent recession. Unless funding for care is found through government assistance like Medicaid or veteran’s aid, the adult children will have to look to their own pockets to pay for care…or they may look to one another. Should a sibling with a big income contribute more than a sibling who earns less? Should a family member who has been providing unpaid personal care be exempted from having to contribute? These questions, and others like them, have frequently kindled fiery family conflicts. Possible Solution: Open communication is essential to preventing conflict. We shouldn’t presume that siblings will necessarily be able to contribute as much as we hope. If the cost of your parent’s care will require the grown children or other family members to help pay for the care, call a family meeting with all the people involved right away. Realistically establish the cost of care, and determine how much money needs to be raised between all the involved parties. Start by determining how much each person believes they can contribute, and if funds are still short, dig deeper as a group, talking about what each person might be able to sacrifice to make arrangements work. When these decisions are made in the open, with everyone at the table, future conflict is less likely. It’s only natural that the process should be as fair as possible, and that a sibling with a low income should not be expected to contribute as much as a sibling with a high income, but not all families agree on what’s fair and what isn’t. In these cases the voice of a neutral but knowledgeable outsider, such as elder care mediators, can also help iron out areas of disagreement and help families build consensus.
To be continued next month…
