WHAT THE DOCTOR SAYS - WHAT THE DOCTOR REALLY MEANS

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What the Doctor says - What the Doctor really means "This should be taken care of right away." "I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it curse itself." "Welllllll, what have we here..." "Since he hasn't the foggiest notion of what it is, the Doctor is hoping you will give him a clue." "We'll see." "First I have to check my malpractice insurance." "Let me check your medical history." "I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you." "Why don't we make another appointment later in the week." "I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this would… -or- "I need the money, so I'm charging you for another office visit." "I really can't recommend seeing a chiropractor." "I hate those guys mooching in on our fees." "Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm." "Since he hasn't the faintest idea of what to do, he is trying to appear thoughtful while hoping the nurse will interrupt." (Proctologist also say this alot.) "We have some good news and some bad news." "The good news is he's going to buy that new BMW, and the bad news is you're going to pay for it." "Let's see how it develops." "Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured." "Let me schedule you for some tests." "I have a 40% interest in the lab." "I'd like to have my associate look at you." "He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a small fortune." "How are we today?" "I feel great. You, on the other hand, look like hell."

WHAT THE DOCTOR SAYS - WHAT THE DOCTOR REALLY MEANS

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"I'd like to prescribe a new drug." "I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea." "If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call." "I don't know what the hell it is. Maybe it will go away by itself." "That's quite a nasty looking wound." "I think I'm going to throw up." "This may smart a little." "Last week two patients bit through their tongues." "Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we?" "I can't remember your name, nor why you are here." "This should fix you up." "The drug salesman guaranteed that it kills all symptoms." "Everything seems to be normal." "I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all." "I'd like to run some more tests." "I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one." "Do you suppose all of this stress could be affecting your nerves?" "He thinks you are crazy and is hoping to find a psychiatrist who will split fees." "Why don't you slip out of your things." "I don't enjoy this any more than you do, but I've got to warm my fingers up somehow." -or- "I haven't had a good laugh all day." "If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment." "I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I'm off next week." "There is a lot of that going around." "My God, thats the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this." http://forums.studentdoctor.net/threads/what-the-doctor-really-means-humor.39066/ What The Doctor Really Means! The Doctor Says... ... But He REALLY Means...

WHAT THE DOCTOR SAYS - WHAT THE DOCTOR REALLY MEANS

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"Well, what have we here...?" --- He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue. "Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?" --- I'm stalling for time. "If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call." --- I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself. "Let me check your medical history." --- I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending anymore time with you. "Well, now, we have some good news and some bad news." --- The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it. "This should be taken care of right away." --- I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself. "Let me schedule you for some lab tests." --- I have a forty percent interest in the lab. "Let's see how it develops." --- Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that really needs to be cured. "I'd like to prescribe a new drug." --- I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig. "That's quite a nasty looking wound." --- I think I'm going to throw up. "This may smart a little." --- Last week two patients almost bit off their tongues. "This should fix you up." --- The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff. Hope it works... "Everything seems to be normal." --- Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all. "I'd like to run some more tests." --- I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.

WHAT THE DOCTOR SAYS - WHAT THE DOCTOR REALLY MEANS

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http://www.menshealth.com/mhlists/medical_advice/index.php?cm_mmc=MSN-_-A+second+opinion+about+second+opinions-_-Article-_-What+Your+Doctor+Means+When+He+Say 1. "The test result is slightly abnormal, and it could be several things." This could mean: "It's definitely one of two things, and I hope it's not the first one." "We may tell the patient initially that there's a 'slight abnormality' because we don't want to worry them," says Leonid Poretsky, M.D., an endocrinologist at Beth Israel Medical Center, in New York City. For example, there are blood-test irregularities that could mean cancer, pneumonia, or nothing at all—but be assured your doctor is thinking of the most serious possibilities. If you want to hear them, ask the right question, Dr. Poretsky advises: "I know you can't tell definitively what it may be, but what are the diagnoses you're considering?" 2. "You need an ESR test." This could mean: "I have no clue what's wrong with you." The ESR (erythrocyte sedimentation rate) test measures inflammation, says Mehmet Oz, M.D., coauthor of You: The Smart Patient. It can be a shot in the dark ordered for patients with fatigue, weird fevers, or symptoms that might be all in their head. A full-body CAT scan may also signal a doctor's befuddlement. 3. "I've performed many of these operations. This could mean: "I'd choose a more experienced surgeon." A good measure of a surgeon's skills is how many times he or she has performed the procedure in question—both the lifetime total and the number per year. "Thousands" is a comforting answer for the first tally, but the annual number is the critical one to know. Replies such as "Quite a few," "Enough," or "I'm comfortable with this" could mean the surgeon is still on his learning curve, says Dr. Oz. You need a specific number. 4. "Our team decided that it was the best course of action." This could mean: "I don't know what happened during the shift change." People are more likely to avoid first-person pronouns—I," "me," and "my"—when lying, according to research by Pennebaker. "One hypothesis is that [deceivers] are psychologically trying to distance themselves from the situation," he says. Reply by asking what he or she specifically did (or failed to do) at the time. 5. "Dr. Smiddle? He's a great guy." This could mean: "I wouldn't let him touch me." Asking a doctor to rate another doctor can put him in a delicate position. The weasel words? "He's a nice guy," "He's at one of the better centers" (which means not the best center), and the like. What you want to hear are superlatives about the doctor's specific skills.