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June 2017 | 46:6

We’ve Only Just BegunMarriage preparation in the parish

Page 3

Page 2Wedding PrayersPage Byrne Shortal

Weôve Only Just BegunPeg Ekerdt

Celebrating MatrimonyPaul Turner

Proverbs and WeddingsRoger Karban

High Seas of Marriage Page 8 Mike Barrett

Wedding Liturgies Page 9

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Ron Sondag

Singing the Rites J. Michael McMahon

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Page 7

Cover graphic - Mark Bartholomew

Cover and art - Julie Lonneman

Prayers for a WeddingBy PAIGE BYRNE SHORTAL

INTRODUCTIONMy friends, we are gathered here to celebrate love — a love that is universal, yet specific to these two people before us; a love that is the source of great joy, and sometimes great sorrow; a love that is at the heart of what makes us human, because it is a love that is from God. Let us pause a moment to remember those we love and those times we have failed to love, and ask for the grace of God’s abundant mercy.

PENITENTIAL ACT

• Lord Jesus, your first miracle was at a wedding feast where you revealed the abundant grace of God. Lord,have mercy.• Christ Jesus, you promised that wherever two or three are gathered in your name, you are present: Christ,have mercy.• Lord Jesus, you taught that the most important commandments are loving God and loving each other. Lord,have mercy.

PRAYER OF THE FAITHFULPRESIDER: Brothers and sisters, we have listened to the Word of God and witnessed our Lord’s presence in this exchange of vows. Confident of God’s presence among us, let us pray for those who most need our prayers.

MINISTER: We pray today for ______ and ______ . For continued joy in each other’s presence, comfort in hardship, consolation in grief, good health, and long life in the company of many friends . . . we pray,• We pray for all who have brought ______ and ______ to this moment. For their family members and friends whose relationships have been inspiring examples of the goodness of marriage . . . we pray,• We pray for the responsible use of our blessings. For hospitable homes and hearts; for gentleness toward those who are most vulnerable; for generous attention to those placed on our path . . . we pray,• We pray in gratitude for those who traveled to be with us today: for their safe return home. And we pray for those who could not be with us, but who support us by their love and prayers ... we pray,• We pray in remembrance of our ancestors and loved ones who have died and who still surround us with their care; and for those who are grieving the loss of someone dear to them . . . we pray,• We pray for the intentions of each one of us today. (PAUSE) For those for whom we are concerned; for those for whom we have promised to pray; for those we love and those who love us . . . we pray,

PRESIDER: Good and gracious God, watch over and protect our homes. Strengthen the love which unites families in peace and joy and help us to honor your presence among us. We pray always in Jesus’ name. Amen.

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We’ve Only Just BegunCELEBRATION FEATURE

Marriage preparation in the parish

By PEG EKERDT

When I began work as a pastoral associate in 1995, the pastor, Fr. Nor-man Rotert, was six months into his job. In our first meetings, he asked me to take on the parish ministries of liturgy, adult formation and mar-riage preparation. Norman Rotert was a good leader who empowered his staff to do what needed to be done for effective ministry. When I agreed to accept the work in these ministerial areas, Norman had only one directive: “Get these weddings under control.”

And so my work with marriage preparation began. Through the years, I have learned a lot as I have welcomed over 600 engaged couples. While sharing their desire to begin their married lives in the Catholic Church, I, too, share with them some valuable insights throughout the sacramental formation process:

This is the place where you come to remember why you are getting married and making all these plans. This is the place where you can talk about your faith, your dreams, your challenges, and your fears. This is the place where we hope you can forget about caterers, invitations, cake tasting and worries about creating a perfect day. No such day exists. Spend as little as you can. And remember this process is not about one day. This is the process that helps you prepare to live this sacramental commit-ment for the rest of your lives.

At the same time, I tell them that in addition to the nine-month process of sacramental preparation, I have the responsibility of helping them create the marriage ceremonies that will be uniquely theirs, while at the same time, faithfully reflect the Catholic liturgies. I provide a folder that has all the information needed to plan a wedding ceremony.

create liturgies that are joyful, welcoming, participative and quite frankly, what Norman Rotert had in mind those many years ago.

It is not only the materials that have made a difference. After we peruse the folder’s liturgy planning contents that first session, we review how the parish preparation pro-cess will unfold in the next several months: completion of a communica-tion inventory, two meetings with a family therapist to help the couple consider the importance of fami-lies of origin and family systems, a class on sacrament and prayer, a blessing at a Sunday Mass, and four sessions with a parish lead couple or participation in an Engaged En-counter weekend. The final s tep is submission of that liturgy planning form one month before the wedding date when the marriage registration papers are also completed.

Conversations that form usOnce the process and materials

are explained, we begin an hour-long conversation that gives the couple the opportunity to share what has brought them to this moment in their lives. They talk about the people and events that have made them who they are and the marriages, if any, that have inspired them. Through the years I have heard many stories and learned many things.

Many couples are blessed to have experienced parents’ marriages that are imperfect but real relationships of complementarity, that are faithful and solid. Such couples are blessed to have that stability in their lives.

At the same time, many of the cou-ples we encounter have experienced the divorce of their own parents — and they bring various reactions to those divorces: “They divorced, but they got along and made it work for us as a family.” “They are better off now.” “I saw it coming.” “I was blindsided.” “They waited until we were in college.” “They still cannot

— Julie Lonneman

This process is not about one day. This is the process

that helps you prepare to live this sacramental commitment for the rest

of your lives.

It includes liturgy planning forms for weddings with and without a Mass, copies of the Scriptures, a list of music and parish musicians, sample universal prayers, and a template for a program or worship aid. The folder also contains articles about married life, Fr. Paul Turner’s article on the marriage ceremony, a Natural Family Planning pamphlet, and a small prayer book for engaged couples based on the writings of Pope Francis. These materials help couples think about the rituals and symbols of Catholic liturgy as they

© Celebration Publications — CelebrationPublications.org

be in the same room together.” And finally, “I know what doesn’t work, and I know what I will to do make my marriage work.”

Many couples cite the significant part that grandparents have played in their lives as role models for mar-riage, for faith and nearly always, as sources of unconditional love. In ad-dition, there are neighbors, coaches, teachers, siblings and friends who have formed these individuals who now propose to marry. There have been losses, successes and college and life decisions, both good and bad. They have been formed by them all.

To be sure, every individual has a unique story, but it is not unusual for tears to begin to flow i n t hese conversations. One or both will often say, “I don’t know why I am crying.” As I reach for the tissue box, I assure them that the very things they are talking about have brought them to this most important decision in their lives — and their tears express what is too deep for words. There have been times — as they shared stories that are testament to their goodness and the power of human resilience — that I have cried with them.

The conversation continues and explores the love that has developed between them, and their challenges and strengths as a couple. As the time together seems to be drawing to a close, we consider the role that faith has, or has not, played in their lives. When one of them is not Catholic, I express our heartfelt gratitude for her or his willingness to enter this Roman Catholic process. Regardless of faith traditions, when I ask about faith, they most often assume I am asking whether they come to church. So, the first answers are frequently these: “We don’t come as often as we should.” “We will go more once we have kids.” I tell them I hope to see them more in the Sunday gath-erings — and ask them why they are waiting until they have kids to deepen their commitment to Sunday liturgy and a community of faith.

Deepening the conversationBut my real purpose in asking

about faith is to invite them to think and talk about questions like these:

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work (as well as work with florists, photographers and the occasional professional wedding coordinator), we have helped our couples create liturgies that are testament to the power of Catholic ritual to move and bind human hearts in prayer and celebration.

Shaping the liturgiesThe actual work is in the details

— and it is work. But good liturgy demands it. The aforementioned planning forms provide the tem-plate. From order of procession to song of sending and/or recessional, the forms outline each step of the liturgy and the choices each couple has to make.

Two orders of procession are provided. They certainly can be tweaked, but this is where the litur-gical formation begins. Again, we re-mind couples that this is where they come to remember that this day is about both of them. This isn’t “her” day. It belongs to them both. They are told they confer the sacrament upon each other, and each is equally important. From selecting readings and music to vows and prayers, you do this together. And, when it comes to the church, you both process down the center aisle — just as the principal participants do in other sacramental celebrations (first Com-munion, confirmation and diaconal and presbyteral ordination).

However, how they get down the center aisle is up to them. The rite encourages them to come as a couple; in reality, very few do that. But, many walk with their parents in recognition that this is the union of two families. Yet, it is also true that many fathers and daughters have long envisioned making that walk alone. When that is a couple’s choice (or parents’ preference), the mother of the bride still is in the procession, ideally escorted ahead of the bride and father with the groom and his parents preceding them.

Once the procession is complete and everyone is in place, the cantor invites the assembly to sing a gather-ing song that the couple has selected in order to set a tone for their cel-ebration. Singing that hymn makes

CELEBRATION FEATURE

My foremost responsibility is offering each couple a

sacramental formation that has meaning in the course of their daily lives and will be helpful for years to come.

How do you imagine God and has that image changed since childhood? Who taught you to pray and how did you pray as a child? How do you pray now? Have you known times when you did not or could not pray? Finally, I ask: “Have you talked about any of these things before?” Invariably, they have not. Their homework is to have those conversations before they return for our second meeting.

Nearly every time I complete those initial meetings, I am filled w ith hope and gratitude that another young couple has chosen to bring themselves and their treasured love to the church community to seek God’s grace and the church’s blessing. More often, I have come to believe that these conversations and the process itself make a significant difference when it comes time to plan the wedding liturgies.

Forming couples for lifeMy foremost responsibility is not

the wedding ceremony, but rather offering each couple a sacramental formation that has meaning in the course of their daily lives and will be helpful for years to come. But what nearly always emerges as a result of our meetings and discussions is some understanding of what the parish hopes the wedding ceremony will be. To be honest, there is a collaborative spirit that would not exist if I simply handed each couple a list of rules for wedding liturgies.

That is not to say it has always been easy to communicate or achieve the goal of a prayerful, participative wed-ding ceremony that looks like and is a Catholic liturgy. It has been a process that has had its own share of wed-ding drama that is familiar to many a parish minister. But, through pa-tient, persistent, calm and consistent


it clear to guests that participation in this celebration is important. It also enables the couple to take a deep breath as the voices of their guests surround them while as they take up their own hymnal and join in by the second verse.

This is their carefully planned, once-in-a-lifetime liturgy, for which they have chosen all the liturgical minsters from among family and friends, picked the readings, and written the prayers of the faithful. They have selected their vows and the acclamation their guests will sing in response to their vows. When it is a Mass, the couple has invited people to present gifts of bread and wine. Many have asked parents or godparents to present the altar cloth and prepare the altar. We have helped them with the template, and with guidelines, but they have made it their own with the details.

Music reflects the couples, honors the ritual

No detail causes more conversa-tion than wedding music. It is around this subject that many of us, myself included, have fallen on our swords. But, over time, some of my thoughts on music have changed. Partly it is because what is sacred to this gen-eration is different from what has been held sacred by their parents. And, part of is it is because rigidity around rules is not always the best pastoral response.

So, I encourage couples to choose processional and recessional mu-sic that will make the ceremony uniquely theirs — in other words, there is more flexibility in selection of this music. My thinking is if they can choose Pachelbel’s “Canon in D,” which has no sacred base, then they also can choose their favorite song.

The music within the liturgy should lead all hearts and minds to God, and the guests should be able to sing the predominantly commu-nal hymns. But, this is where I have learned to listen more carefully when a couple selects a song that is not in the sacred realm or repertoire. I encourage them to honestly explain why a song is sacred to them. Many times I do suggest that a particular

who would have been the best man had the friend not died in a fatal car accident. They had promised each other they would have this song at their weddings. We included the song in the liturgy. I didn’t know it then, but it was the pastoral response and what we now might call a Pope Francis thing to do.

Carrying onI think of Pope Francis a lot in

these days of ministry. His exhorta-tion, Amoris Laetitia has affirmed

as and supported the work we do parish ministers in every part

of

CELEBRATION FEATURE

I am filled with hope and gratitude that another young couple has chosen

to bring themselves and their treasured love

to the church community to seek God’s grace

and the church’s blessing.

song be included at the reception rather than sung at the church. But, in the midst of such discussions I am reminded of a song like “The Prayer” which is permitted at most weddings because of its repeated phrase: “Let this be my prayer.” However, its Ital-ian lyrics are indecipherable to most, if not all. Nor do many couples actu-ally pray the Hail Mary as the “Ave Maria”is sung.

So if a couple can explain with a worthy rationale why a song is sa-cred to them, we find a way to make it work. I first learned that lesson years ago when a groom asked for a song at the preparation of the table that was not sacred. I have blessedly forgotten the name of the song. But I clearly recall saying no and sticking to my guns until the groom told me why it was important to him. It was a song that had meaning for him and his lifelong best friend, the friend

In his apostolic exhortation, Amoris Laetitia (“The Joy of Love”) Pope Francis offers wisdom on loving relationships. This pastoral document serves as an important reminder to all ecclesial ministers on how to honor and guide engaged and married couples as they reflect on the sacrament of marriage.

We need to find the right language, arguments and forms of witness that can help us reach the hearts of young people, appealing to their capacity for generosity, commitment, love and even heroism, and in this way inviting them to take up the challenge of marriage with enthusiasm and courage. (#40)

In their preparation for marriage, the couple should be encouraged to make the liturgical celebration a profound personal experience and to appreciate the meaning of each of its signs. (#213)

[Engaged couples] need to be encouraged to see the sacrament not as a single moment that then becomes a part of the past and its memories, but rather as a reality that permanently influences the whole of married life. (#215)

marriage preparation. From in-structions on the wedding ceremony, to the importance of worthwhile communication that is nourished by interior reflection (#141), to practical wisdom for those of us who labor in the vineyard, Francis has given this sacrament new life and rekindled a sense of purpose as we welcome our engaged couples to this life of vocation that “merges human and divine” (Gaudium et Spes #49).

Peg Ekerdt is a pastoral associate at Visitation Church, Kansas City, Mo., where her work includes pastoral care, adult formation, marriage preparation and spiritual direction. Email her at [email protected]


By: PAUL TURNER

The revised Order of Celebrating Matrimony invites Catholic parishes to review procedures for weddings — the habits they have developed and the enhancements they could make. Planners might consider these points.

The processionFor many guests, the wedding is

all about the procession. The couple have invited close family and friends, given them formal wear, and arranged their sequence in a stately procession to open their wedding.

The Catholic wedding ceremony after the Second Vatican Council envisioned the presiding priest or deacon would meet the wedding party at the door of the church to help them transition into the sacred world. The bride and the groom enter after the priest, signifying that they confer this sacrament.

This procession failed to develop because of the superstition that the couple should not see each other that day until the groom had already entered the church.

Few couples know that they may process together, arm in arm. When they hear this, some find that the pro-posed design fits their experience: The father of the bride is not giving her to the groom; the couple is entering this union willfully. If marriage prepara-tion included an explanation of this option, more couples might choose it.

The musicMany couples expect musicians to

perform popular selections or play the recordings that provided the soundtrack for their engagement. The revised ceremony says that music should be “appropriate” and express “the faith of the Church” (OCM #30). This guideline should help parishes establish criteria for weddings.

Congregational singing promotes guests to witness and participate in the liturgy. Many people do not expect

to sing when they go to a wedding, but the Catholic liturgy hopes they will. Progress will be slow, but good mar-riage preparation reminds couples of the role of liturgical music in the Catholic Church.

The presider’s introductionPresiders will see a script for in-

troducing the wedding. It appears “in these or similar words” in two versions — one addressed to the couple and the other to the assembly.

Many presiders already offer a word of welcome. The new script will help them review the points they usually say. Are they essential? Do they fit the style of the proposed in-troductions? Can they be improved?

The readingsCertain readings now carry an

asterisk to form a subset from which one reading must be drawn at a wed-ding Mass. Among the many passages that appear in the Lectionary, only some sound specific t o m arriage. When selecting readings, couples need to choose one with an asterisk. They may also encounter the biblical roots of their future life.

The consentAs the couple exchange their con-

sent, many presiders feed them their lines phrase by phrase. This has helped couples say the correct words, but “repeat after me” never appeared as one of the options for the consent, even in the first edition of the Rite of Mar-riage. The post-conciliar ceremony emphasizes the role of the couple and decentralizes the role of the priest. In the former rite, after the consent, the priest declared, “I join you,” as though he were conferring the sacrament. Those words were removed from the ceremony. However, the priest has remained front and center, often fac-ing the congregation and reciting the complete formulas of the bride and groom, the ministers of the sacrament, with their backs to the congregation.

The Order of Celebrating MatrimonyPoints to ponder in the revised order of Christian marriage

FORMATION: FAITH AND LIFE

Alternatively, the couple may read the words directly from the book or from a prepared card. In this way, the congregation hears their voices without the intervening presider. If the presider stands between the couple and the congregation at this time, the couple will naturally turn toward everyone. If the groom wears a microphone, the assembly will bet-ter hear his and the bride’s voices as they exchange their consent.

The universal prayerThe ritual book includes samples

of the universal prayer. Weddings and other masses normally include these prayers. The new samples for weddings provide compositional suggestions.

Many parishes have no one to compose their own universal prayer, whether for Sundays, daily masses, funerals or weddings. Yet someone could personalize any of these celebrations. Instead of copying petitions, downloading them, or subscribing to a service, a writer may compose the universal prayer as a local expression. Few parishes have taken the opportunity.

For weddings, it requires extra work. But someone skilled at writing prayers could profitably spend time with the couple, learn about their hopes and dreams, and incorporate these into a unique series of inter-cessions.

There is more, of course, that one could evaluate. But, the above list is a good place to start. Now that English-speaking congregations have a revised Order of Celebrating Matrimony, how could your parish revise its typical celebration in order to express more deeply the love and hopes of a couple and of the church?

Fr. Paul Turner is pastor of St. Anthony Parish in Kansas City, Mo. and director of the Office of Divine Worship for the Diocese of Kansas City-St. Joseph. He has written two books on marriage (One Love and Inseparable Love).

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By ROGER KARBAN

Like many priests and deacons in the U.S., when a couple asks my advice on scriptural readings for their wedding ceremony, I simply hand them a copy of Fr. Joseph Champlin’s booklet, Together for Life which offers dozens of options. But, if they go further and ask my personal opinion about a first read-ing, I always respond, “My favorite wedding reading from the Hebrews Scriptures isn’t in Fr. Champlin’s collection. It’s Proverbs 30:18-19, one of the few biblical passages written to be used at weddings.”

Yet, it might take a little explana-tion to surface the insight the sacred author is trying to convey.

In the Proverbs passage, the writer muses about four mysterious things. “Yes, four I cannot under-stand: The way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a serpent upon a rock, the way of a ship on the high seas, and the way of a man with a woman.”

The key to understanding these two short verses is in the word “way,” which in Hebrew is derek. Normally, it means more than just a generic way; it is usually translated by the experts as path or road. That is cer-tainly its meaning in this passage.

The author is amazed by four things. Though the eagle can fly ef-fortlessly through the sky, it doesn’t have any road to fly on. It makes its own path. The same can be said about a snake crawling over a rock. The fact there’s no road marked out on the rock doesn’t stop the snake from going from point A to point B. Neither is a ship at high sea restricted to a specific highway. Its road is wherever it wishes it to be.

Like all similar proverbs, the zinger is in the last statement. The writer is both convinced and amazed that just as specific roads don’t exist for eagles, snakes and ships, neither is there a specific path

in relationships between spouses. Each couple creates its own road.

While teaching a marriage course to high school students, I always encouraged them to deliberately wander around the hall during their own wedding reception, personally thanking people for joining in their celebration. But, at the same time I urged them not to listen too intently to the advice their family and friends may share on that important day. Especially after a drink or two, their guests might feel impelled to pass on their tried-and-true method for having a fulfilled and lasting marriage to these unsuspecting “rookies.” The problem is what “works” for one couple might not work for another. Some might succeed by frequently falling back on a sense of humor; others, by always being serious with one another. Just as each of us is a unique creation, so the dereks we create between ourselves and others will also be unique.

That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t seek advice when we run into the problems which inevitably arise in marriages. It’s not necessary to re-invent the wheel. Frankly, the difficulties we’ll encounter have frequently been encountered by oth-ers before us. But, often the way we confront those problems will be just as unique as the relationship we’re trying to save and build.

More than half the couples whose marriages I’ve witnessed chose Paul’s well-known 1 Corinthians 13 passage on love. They want everyone to know how patient and kind they’ll be throughout their marriage, how they’ll hopefully bear and endure any difficulties for the sake of that relationship. Nothing could be more important. Though I admire their determination to give themselves to one another in love for the rest of their lives, I believe there’s no one action that to everyone at every time always shows love. What might be a sign of love to one person in a situation today might be a sign of hatred in a different situation tomorrow. Because everyone con-stantly changes, how we give our love must also constantly change. Each spouse must discover, based on the road to which he or she is committed, how to uniquely show love right here and now.

A friend once made me aware of a quote by Margaret Wander Bonnano: “It is only possible to live happily ever-after on a day-to-day basis.” The author of Proverbs certainly agrees. It’s precisely the fidelity to the day-to-day that triggers the author’s wonder and amazement. Eagles keep flying, ships continue to sail, and snakes will always crawl over rocks, just as couples will insist on committing themselves to one another.

Perhaps the best wish we can share with our newly-married friends is simply, “May you constantly amaze each other and us with the loving derek you create.”

FORMATION: LITURGY, ART & CULTURE

Proverbs and WeddingsCouples create their own amazing way of marriage

Roger Vermalen Karban is a priest of the Belleville, Ill., diocese and pastor-emeritus of Our Lady of Good Counsel Parish in Renault, Ill. He holds a licenciate in theology from the Gregorian University in Rome and did his Scripture studies at Saint Louis University. He currently teaches Scripture courses at Saint Louis University and Southwestern Illinois College.


By MIKE BARRETT

A number of years ago, I had the distinct privilege of assisting a couple approaching their wed-ding day. They asked me to meet for dinner (their treat!) to discuss the Scriptures they had chosen for their exchange of marriage vows. As we began to unfold the wedding rite, I was puzzled by a Scripture passage this couple proffered, one I had never considered for a wedding service. It was the story of Jesus calming the storm. As it turns out, this couple was so deeply connected to this passage, they practically believed this narrative was written directly to them. It seemed theirs was a love story which included the swirling of waves, the pounding of wind and rain, finding one’s way in the chaos without mooring. The sense of ad-venturous exhaustion coupled with the resignation at that point in their lives led them to trust that God had deliberately placed them together in “the same boat of life.” Talk about an evening’s journey from tortillas and sangria to the adventures of Moby Dick!

If such were the case, and I guess it could be as the groom-to-be was in law enforcement and the bride a social worker, it appears that what lead them to the altar was the strength God provided and the un-wavering faith this Gospel passage offered. The three distinct messages were “Take courage,” “It is I,” and “Do not be afraid.” So completely sold on this Gospel was this couple, I was thunderstruck at their belief and tenacity that God had brought them through all of life’s struggles and challenges to this new moment of shared life and love. I agreed to their sacramental epiphany and sug-gested that the traditional responses of “I do” during the exchange of vows might be enhanced by incorpo-rating this trusty, thematic phrase: “Take courage ... It is I ... Do not be

afraid.” With full engagement then, the invited guests in attendance witnessed and received this couple’s vows with a fuller understanding of what was brought to the altar by this couple, what they consecrated at the Gospel’s behest, and what was left behind — no more solo sailing!

Marriage is a leap of faith. The Buddha offers a vivid and rather frightening image of this notion: “Leap, and the bridge will appear.” And, when honest people approach the Lord and one another to bless their vows, there is a distinct transformation like no other which occurs not only within the couple, but within their whole cloud of wit-nesses. With extended hands over a couple, the assembled gives assent to being in a boat — together with the bride and groom. The assembly’s prayer might be articulated in this way: “We raise our hands in prayer to you, our dear friends, as you embark on yet another new voyage. Holding on to each other for dear life becomes emblematic of what sacrament is — an outward sign, confirmed b y C hrist, w hich g ives life ... to each other, the church, and the world.”

FORMATION: MINISTRY AT THE MARGINS

Sailing on the High Seas of Marriage“Take courage … It is I … Do not be afraid”

We live in a world filled w ith s o many “I don’ts” these days: pre-nups and other conditions, tempo-rary arrangements not to mention couples eloping, co-habiting, and even destination weddings meant to minimize everyone’s troubles. The spoken words “I do” are truly a living proclamation of the mystery of faith in the swirl and chaos of daily challenges.

Certainly, the Scriptures abun-dantly supplied in the new Order of Celebrating Matrimony, while not exhaustive, have their place in the traditional expectations found in the time-tested formularies. However, my experience with this particular couple can be instructive in the marriage preparation process. The wedding feast at Cana, the Beati-tudes, and the “two becoming one” references can be illustrative of the lofty theology of marriage. But 21st century storms do arise which can cause couples to arrive at the altar toting baggage which might include blended families, children born before marriage, annulments, divorce, and diversity unknown to traditional unions of the past.

Perhaps more relevant to couples seeking marriage in the church today are other Gospel references which speak to their unique, per-sonal faith story — the fig tree, the lost coin, the lost sheep, or the calm-ing of the storm — all allusions to an anxious, somewhat doting God ready to tie the knot and stake a claim on the hearts of two lovers who are becoming one by God the Father’s/Mother’s design. And, whose only Son continues to utter words of comfort to those now sail-ing on the high seas of wedded life: “Take courage ... Do not be afraid.”

Fr. Mike Barrett is pastor of Our Lady of Good Hope Parish in Milwaukee. Contact him at: [email protected].

Holding on to each other for dear life becomes emblematic of what

sacrament is …

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By RON SONDAG

I have worked in full-time parish pastoral ministry for over 30 years. For a good bit of that time wedding liturgies have been the most difficult part of my ministry. In some sense, I’m the bad guy: the one who has to tell the couple that they cannot have songs by the rock band Guns and Roses at their wedding, or that their dog cannot be their ring bearer. I try not to be the bad guy, but I’ve also learned to grow a spine over the years.

Two basic goals for all wedding liturgies are for the couple to articu-late their faith through the marriage ritual and that their ceremony ex-presses that faith in good liturgical form while showing their own sense of beauty along with God’s.

Planning a wedding ceremony is rich with opportunities for conver-sion in Christ, especially when con-templating the readings and engaging in theological reflection on how the word speaks in their own lives. This can be the most beneficial component of wedding preparation. If done well, all that follows becomes easier and can yield better results, including choos-ing songs and prayer texts that help express those same meanings. This planning can also help align the deci-sions around the whole environment: What does the couple want people to see and feel when they enter the space? How do they want to offer hospitality and create a sense of welcome? How can they encourage their guests to pray and participate together in this sacred space and time and therefore see that Christ is the center of this celebration?

Agreeing upon the wedding deco-rations and flowers, at times, pres-ent the biggest challenge. Often, the couple may have already consulted with a florist. They may have been to Catholic weddings and liked the pew bows they saw. They may believe they ought to have a unity candle and take

flowers t o t he M arian s hrine e ven when devotion to Mary has not been part of their prayer life — it seems to them that this is what happens at all Catholic weddings.

One of the most important discus-sions to have before all plans are made concerns the public character of their ceremony: Weddings are not just private events; instead, they are a part of the whole public worship life of the church and are necessarily open to all. “Their wedding” is, in fact, “our parish wedding,” just as every baptism, confirmation, c om-munion, confession, anointing and ordination that takes place in the church building is part of our com-munal worship life. The celebration exists within the whole liturgical life of the church and this parish.

As I recall all the wedding celebra-tions throughout my ministerial career, one stands out as being a true “parish wedding.” While serving my first full-time job at a church in Loui-siana, one of the adult volunteers in our youth group became engaged and decided to have the wedding at the regularly scheduled Saturday evening parish Mass. They wanted the whole parish to share together the joy of this occasion. As people arrived at the church the couple greeted them at the door. They walked together in the entrance procession with the other liturgical ministers. The parish choir sang, parish lectors proclaimed the word, and the entire parish was invited to the reception afterward in the parish hall — a full-blown Cajun shrimp boil feast! Now that is a true example of the entire community celebrating the sacrament of matrimony!

Working with the liturgical envi-ronment is a ministry of beauty. The liturgy attempts to lift all our senses to the contemplation of God. Visual beauty is a powerful way to elicit such contemplation.

If a couple can grasp the sense that weddings are part of the parish’s

liturgical life, another discussion to follow could be about liturgical space and time. Every wedding hap-pens within the liturgical year, the church’s calendar. It will happen within the context of a day within a season with every color and theme already determined.

Each wedding carries its own sense of solemnity as well, but, it does not exist apart from the whole liturgical life of the church. Introduc-ing this concept within the initial discussions aids the couple in their understanding of this issue. It takes care and sensitivity to cultivate the couples’ attitude: The wedding which feels so personal as if it belonged to them alone actually belongs to the whole worshiping community. The bottom line is this: If they want their wedding on the vigil of Pentecost, the church decorations will be more ornate and red; if they want it in Lent the church will be simple and violet.

Sharing a binder with photos of the worship space capturing the environment during each season of the year gives the couple an idea of how the church might look at the time of their wedding. Christmas and Easter seasons are great times for weddings! Little else needs to be done in preparing the worship space dur-ing those times. Seeing photos often facilitates a discussion regarding any decorations they may wish to add. It further emphasizes that decorations are elements to support the ritual, not merely window dressing.

Throughout my years of com-panioning engaged couples in their marriage preparation and wedding ceremony, I have always longed for at least one bride or groom-to-be to ask me this question: “We plan to be married someday. Would you help us start thinking about the wedding now before we talk to the florist?”

Wedding Liturgies Making Christ the center of the ceremony

FORMATION: PASTORAL PRACTICE

Ron Sondag is a pastoral associate at Good Shepherd Parish in Smithville, Mo.


FORMATION: SINGING THE RITES

Singing the RitesMusic in the new order for celebrating matrimony

� The order provides two forms forthe entrance of ministers and wedding party. In the first form, the ministersgo to the church entrance to greet the couple and their party, then all process into the church while the entrancechant (song) takes place. In the second form, the priest greets the couple after they have processed into the church,and then the entrance chant takesplace. Because people seem to enjoywatching the procession, attemptsat congregational singing at thismoment are often risky at best anddisastrous at worst. At celebrationswithout Mass, it can sometimes beappropriate to include a hymn im-mediately following the procession.When Mass is celebrated, it mightbe best to omit the hymn, since theGloria will be included. When there is

no singing connected to the entrance, one of the antiphons from the Roman Missal can be incorporated into the presider’s introduction.

� When Mass is celebrated, the Glo-ria is included, even on weekdaysof Advent and Lent. Since peopleare usually gathering from differentcommunities, it might be best to use a widely familiar setting with a refrain for the people.

� After the reception of the consent(vows), the order calls for a spoken or sung acclamation by the assembly. Aspoken text is provided, but any ap-propriate acclamation of praise maybe sung, including a familiar andjoyful Alleluia.

� Following the blessing and givingof rings (and the optional blessingand giving of the arras, meaning“coins,” often exchanged at Hispanic wedding rituals), the assembly mayjoin in a hymn or canticle of praise.A strong, familiar and joyful hymn(e.g., “Joyful, Joyful, We Adore You”) would usually be preferred when this option is chosen.

� Musical settings have been provid-ed for the nuptial blessing, suggesting that this prayer should be treated with greater solemnity.

An opportunity for reflectionThe starting point for selecting mu-

sic for the marriage rite can be found in this paragraph from the expanded introduction:

The chants to be sung during the Rite of Marriage should be appropriate and should express the faith of the Church, with at-tention paid to the importance of the Responsorial Psalm within the Liturgy of the Word. What is said concerning the chants applies also to the selection of other musical works. (OCM #30)

In other words, music for marriage is liturgical, an integral element of the rite. Therefore, priority should be given to the participation of the assembly and singing of the liturgi-cal texts themselves, especially the responsorial psalm. Music must also be a living and explicit expression of faith and not merely of sentiment.

The priorities and principles that guide selection of music at weddings are the same as those for Sunday Mass. As pastoral musicians reflect on the implementation of the revised order, it would be very helpful to carefully reread the thorough treatment of music for the marriage liturgy found in “Sing to the Lord: Music in Divine Worship” (#216-224). Be sure to review the section devoted to the judgments to be considered when evaluating music for the liturgy (STL #126-136).

Experienced pastoral musicians are familiar with the challenges that some-times arise when working with couples in selecting wedding music. Couples often are unaware of their own presup-positions or are unprepared to engage in the kind of judgment necessary when selecting music for a liturgical celebra-tion. As pastoral ministers, musicians need to be thoroughly versed in the principles articulated in the Order of Celebrating Matrimony and other liturgical books. More importantly, musicians must bring a spirit of caring and patience to accompany couples on this major step in their journey of faith.

J. Michael McMahon is Celebration’s music editor and has served in full-time pastoral music ministry for more than 40 years. Email: [email protected]

By J. MICHAEL McMAHON

On December 30, 2016, the new Order of Celebrating Matrimony (OCM) became mandatory for use in the dioceses of the United States. This new ritual book, a replacement for the 47- year-old Rite of Marriage, is at long last a translation of the marriage rite’s second Latin edition that was issued in 1991. The process of translating the revised order had languished because of conflict over translation norms and the consuming task of producing an English-language edition of the Ro-man Missal in that climate.

The new order is significant f or pastoral musicians, primarily for two reasons. First, it includes some new elements that affect the use of music at weddings. Second, the new ritual book presents an opportunity to reflect once again on the role of music in the marriage rite and how best to work with couples in planning wedding liturgies.

What’s new?There are five new provisions in the

revised order that deserve attention when planning music for the mar-riage liturgy:

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