Welcome to this Special Issue on Humor and Death · Matthieu Ricard calls “a pebble in my...

By Don Baird, Guest Editor, Humor, Death and Dying

“Wagner’s music,” it has been said, is really “much better than it sounds.”*

The same may be said for this issue.

The idea of reading an entire issue dealing with our last forbidden topic, even with humor along to help the medicine go down, may seem a rather grim undertaking (if you’ll pardon the expression).

And yet truly thinking about and applying our temporary human situation to everyday existence helps us maximize gratitude, seize the moment to find whatever joy and meaning we can, and learn to treasure each day more fully. We can stop postponing doing what’s most important to us or waiting for it to happen some day in the future.

Thank you to the wonderful knowledgeable writers who in these pages bring this subject to life.

And yes ultimately that’s what this special issue is really about—life…and using our knowledge that it’s all temporary to live more fully, authentically and meaningfully while we still can.

*(Mark Twain quoting 19th century writer Bill Nye—and not the science guy).

Summer 2017

Association for Applied and Therapeutic Humor

A NEWSLETTER FOR, BY, AND ABOUT AATH MEMBERS

Welcome to this Special Issue on Humor and Death

Inside this issue

2 A Personal Memory

3-4 Top Ten Reasons

5-6 That’s not funny

7-8 Tears of sorrow, tears of joy

9 Laughter and tears— same coin, two sides

10-12 Prepare to die laughing

13-14 Barriers to humor in end-of-life care

15-16 Helping children balance grief and joy

17 Spotlight Cheryl Fell

18-19 Spotlight Tabatha Mauldin

20 Death goes to the movies

21 Trivia Quiz

22 The Wonder of Sporty

23 Convention Wrap up

25 Book Review

26 Book Review

27 Message to Members

28 The Funny PageNEXT TIME:Focus on Health and Spirituality

AATH Humor Voice • Summer 2017 • 2

When I was 17 my father died at the age of 50 of a sudden heart attack. After the funeral, friends and family gathered at our home. Among those who were there supporting us, was a young man, probably in his 20’s, who was my high school French teacher. A small group of my close friends and I were huddled together, and he joined us. Within a few moments, he lightened the mood with humorous stories and anecdotes. I recall how both respectful and uplifting he was.

During the gathering I went into the kitchen and overheard some of my mother’s friends chatting about how awful and disrespectful my teacher was being by bringing levity into a house of mourning. Even at age 17 I knew there was something wrong with their negative thinking about humor. My teacher was attentive, connected, and yes, offered levity with us kids. He was not disrespectful or, in my eyes, in any way inappropriate. The serious me at that age (I was much more serious than humorous as a kid) recognized the benefit of humor that can be integrated into the mourning process. The humorous me of today fondly recalls those sad events with a tickle in my heart for the man who added moments of joy to the mourning process.

That moment was truly impactful for me, and I have tried to respectfully offer humor in sad and challenging situations hoping that my humor will benefit someone as his humor benefited me.

Postscript (2017):

I recently learned that my dear French teacher died in 2013. After reading his obituary I discovered that his love of life, respect for others and playful humor were all part of his being. He was a doctor loved and adored by his family, friends, and patients. He and I would have been friends as adults and I wish we had reconnected as adults.

A Personal MemoryBy Steve Sultanoff, Ph.D., CHP

Author Steve SultanoffSteven Sultanoff, PhD, CHP is a psychologist, professor at Pepperdine, professional speaker, past AATH president, and internationally recognized expert on therapeutic humor. (humormatters.com)

“My belief is that we are going to eventually discover that the most dramatic health benefits of humor are not in laughter, but in the cognitive and emotional management that humorous experiences provide. The experience of humor relieves emotional distress and assists in changing negative thinking patterns.” Steven M. Sultanoff, PhD.

Steve with Mom and Dad

Tragedy and comedy are but two aspects of what is real, and

whether we see the tragic or the humorous is a matter of

perspective.

Arnold Beisser, polio-disabled author


Malachy McCourt said he was delighted to come to live in America because he’d heard nobody ever died here. Some “passed on,” he’d heard. Others “went to a better place.” But you almost never heard of anyone dying.

In his classic book Denial of Death, Ernest Becker wrote that our cultural “denial of death” gives us a whiff of living in an “open air lunatic asylum.”

We tend to live up to the joke comedian George Burns would say in his 90s when asked about the subject of his mortality. “I can’t die. I’m booked.”

We have so many things to do, we don’t have time for death. After all, there are dishes to wash, deadlines to meet, and, after all, we bought season tickets.

Yet this denial comes at a price. By not contemplating our temporary nature and applying it to our daily lives to live more fully now, we lose many of the

benefits of the more fully examined life.

After avoiding the topic most of our life, some event may confront us with the fact of our temporary condition. An illness. A birthday. The loss of a friend or relative or seemingly immortal celebrity. A health scare. A disruption of your life plan. Realizing that someone younger than yourself has died.

Do we stay with and apply this realization to our own life—or do we run away from it as quickly as possible to something else?

Psychiatrist Irvin Yalom wrote that the human tragedy isn’t death (which after all comes to all who receive the gift of life). The tragedy rather is time wasted. (As the French monk Matthieu Ricard has said: “it’s not that we don’t have enough time. It’s that we waste so much of it.”)

Yalom says the human tragedy is unlived life, living only based on what everyone else says we must do with the limited time we have on earth. It’s ignoring the value and the beauty of the here and now, even though things are currently (and for the foreseeable future) imperfect.

When Dr. Yalom’s therapy clients fully realized and incorporated into daily life decisions their (and our) mortality, many very important things often happened. Making every moment count became more important. Significant life changes were made. (These changes had felt otherwise too difficult without the energy that comes from the realization: “if not now, when?”)

Humor allows us to approach, think, and talk about topics that would be too difficult to consider otherwise. Used with compassion, it is one of the healthier ways we have to soothe ourselves and others. It allows us to say the unsayable, and allows us to treat even our most basic human fears as yet another source of play.

Thus compassionate humor can help us to think about that most difficult topic—death—and hopefully to gain some of the wisdom of living the examined life that Dr. Yalom has written of.

Both humor and death awareness can allow us to lead a much fuller, freer, more grateful existence (while we still can). Here are 10 ways how:

Both help us find a way to forgive the lack of perfection in life, others… and ourselves.

Top 10 Reasons for using humor to think about our mortality By Don Baird, Psy.D.

Malachy McCourt

George Burns

Psychiatrist Irvin Yalom

10Continued on next page


Humor and death awareness allow us to de-escalate our annoyance with life’s imperfections. Both allow us ways to change our perspective. When compared to death, that traffic jam can become what Matthieu Ricard calls “a pebble in my shoe.”

In his public therapy teachings, psychologist Albert Ellis (who created rational emotive behavior therapy) used to listen to clients talk about their problems, and then respond by saying “it’s too damned bad that this has happened in your life. Yet I believe you can still find a way to have a good life, anyway.” He asked where is it written that life has to be the way we want it to be? He even created humorous songs that talked back to our human tendency to “miserabilize” our life not being what we thought we’d ordered.

Both can reconnect us to our human freedom. Both death awareness and humor remind us that we have the freedom to take things less solemnly than we used to!

Remember Baird’s dictum: “most nonsense you hear in life is said with a straight face.”

Both help us remain approachable to others and to be the best in ourselves all the days of our life.

Both can restore a sense of gratitude for the gift of each day’s awakening.

Both help keep us from being distracted from the big picture of our life by daily challenges and disappointments. They encourage the attitude: “If I can laugh with it, I can live with it.”

Humor helps us find safe, playful ways to “say the unsayable” and thus address rest-of-life and end-of-life issues that are too difficult to address without humor. A caring, compassionate humor used in thinking of death makes the topic less threatening and the benefits of living more meaningfully more accessible.

Both help us avoid the emotional reasoning that can lead us into anxiety and despair. Our mood is so important in our ability to appreciate our lives and our days. Humor can help us keep a day of difficulties from being an “unlived day.”

Both can help us to stop postponing doing the things that can give our life meaning. In the film My Little Chickadee, W. C. Fields is pursued by an angry mob and asked if he has any last requests. He says “I’d like to see Paris before I die… but Philadelphia will do.”

Both help us truly take the remaining days of our life seriously…but not solemnly As the Russian writer Alexander Herzen wrote, “to love life is to love the temporary.”

Both can help us avoid the tragedy of the unlived life and create instead the comedy of a life lived with gratitude, humility and joy.

To sum up (wait, I misplaced my calculator—oh there): Dr Yalom tells us thinking about our mortality can help us live today more fully and authentically. And yet, as Ernest Becker, Malachy Mccourt and others have shown, thinking about death is hard and something we’d rather not do, whatever its benefits. Compassionate humor about our mortality can help us overcome the anxiety and difficulty and can help us make the most of the human condition (which is conspicuously temporary).

As T. S. Eliot felt there is sometimes more wisdom in music hall jokes than in entire systems of philosophy, I’ll end with a quote from the late British comic Benny Hill: “Live every day as if it was your last. One of these days, you’ll be right.”

© 2017 Don Baird.

Top Ten Reasons (continued)

Author Don Baird Don Baird is a speaker, writer, adjunct professor and former AATH Board Member.

He has a Masters in Counseling Psychology from Northwestern University and a doctorate in Clinical Psychology from CHPP.You may find more of his thoughts (in case you’re wondering where they went) at sufferingishighlyoverrated.net.

9

8

7

6

5

4

3

2

1

Matthieu Ricard

Alfred Ellis

W.C. Fields

Benny Hill


Mom, age 65, died 2 weeks after being diagnosed with cancer. A small cell carcinoma lurked in her lungs and hid behind her sternum. Undetected for months, the cancer had metastasized to the long bones of her body and her adrenal glands above her kidney. The pain was immense, uncontrolled and death was a relief. Hospice was a godsend.

Frustrated and grieving, I resorted to different types of humor. Humor is my go-to strength. It balances me, bends me, and creates flexibility when I feel inflexible. And, truth be told, when I can get others to laugh, I feel empowered to take my next breath, especially when grief knocks the wind out of me. Breathing is important. Potty humor, puns, playfulness, and sarcasm held me up during my grief.

I guess part of me didn’t care if someone agreed with my sense of humor because it was my mother who died, not theirs. I was a people pleasing person. After mom died I gave myself permission to say: n Non Not now, maybe latern Please ask someone elsen This won’t work for me

However, I didn’t just say succinctly any of the above “no answers.” I felt the need to be blunt, and/or qualify my answers, usually with one of my four humor pillars. I recognize my humor wasn’t for everyone. It was the best I could do under the circumstances.

Here are a few examples of how I got through the first six months with creating (my brand of) humor or witnessing humor in the making.

Shopping for a casket:

I guess putting my 18-month-old niece in one of the caskets was over the top, huh?

The casket salesman clutched his chest and yelled, “NO.” I said I just wanted my niece to experience the soft part of the casket. Besides, the casket salesman was beginning to annoy me.

We (my brother and I) decided on mom’s casket easily.1. It matched her furniture at home.2. It was on sale.

At Mom’s funeral:

The best part of mom’s funeral was when the Rabbi was speaking in Hebrew and my three-year-old nephew blurts out, “Poppa, that man is speaking Spanish!”

Holidays:

Easter was at the end of March. People asked why I wouldn’t be going to church. I told them I could still hear mom’s screams in my head. And I didn’t want to think about Jesus’ pain. I lived my mom’s. I told people I would watch Monty Python: The Life of Brian for my spiritual lesson this Easter. “Always Look on the Bright Side” is the best song ever!

Mother’s Day arrived and I felt lost. For over 40 years I always made or bought Mom a funny or teasing card. This year, I stood in front of the card section for 20 minutes, tears welling up in my eyes.

I took a deep breath. If mom were alive, what kind of card would I send? So I bought four of the silliest sarcastic cards I could, addressed them to my two aunts, my brother and a cousin. Inside I wrote,” Mom is dead; I had to send these to you!”

That’s not funnyTaking the risk to grieve with humor and tears

By Debra Joy Hart

Mom (on right) taught me about approaching others as a clown.


Thanksgiving: This was mom’s holiday. It’s not that mom ever cooked a turkey, but wherever we were, we would usually have the best talks and laughs. We would laugh at how I cooked the turkey with the entire plastic still in it. My brother and I would confess wrongdoings as children. My mom and I would watch movies. I dreaded this Thanksgiving starting in September. I came up with a plan. My daughter and I (I had gotten remarried four years before my mom died) would volunteer at her High School and serve a meal to homeless or almost homeless people. This idea did not go over well with my husband or his family. My mother-in-law was the only one who understood how difficult this holiday was for me. This was one of those times where I argued for my sanity and grieving process. I kept this new tradition for three years. My compromise was: I will show up to dinner AFTER my volunteer work.

Thus we created our new stepfamily Thanksgiving tradition: Have dinner with family BEFORE Thanksgiving day. Serve home made sushi rolls and bbq pork or Italian beef. Now I spend every Thanksgiving eating my favorite cold cereal in front of Macy’s Thanksgiving parade. It makes me feel like a kid again and relive great memories.

Christmas: Growing up Jewish, Christmas wasn’t a big deal. We would go to someone else’s house to have ham. So, when we were at my mother in law’s home, I took a bite and thought: “Mom, this ham’s for you!”

Magazine subscriptions

One of the most difficult things I dealt with after her death, was stopping magazines or publications. I contacted these publications by email, snail mail, and phone. Each time, I provided her name, previous address and day of death. Sometimes I went so far as to send a death certificate. One particular magazine kept sending subscription note cards. Frustrated, I filled out the card with my mother’s name, address of cemetery and row/grave number. Let them figure out how to stop the magazines from piling up graveside.

Keep the rug

My husband and I did store a few of Mom’s things at our home. For three years, I did not have the emotional strength to look, reminisce, and decide what gets thrown out or what gets recycled to another person.

In her belongings was a nondescript mint green throw rug. I threw it in the trash container, in our garage.

I went upstairs to look thru her jewelry, and very loudly, I heard her voice say, “Keep the rug.” Now, it didn’t matter if I really heard this voice or I imagined the voice. What did matter was it felt familiar, comforting, and I was having a wonderful, silly argument with my mother. I answered back, “If you wanted the rug so much, you shouldn’t have died so soon.”

Again, I heard, “You should keep the rug. It’s a good rug.” I countered with,

“I don’t need the rug, it stays in the garbage.” And Mom, having the last word, said, “Keep that rug.”

I finished sorting the jewelry, and went out our back door to the garage. There was the mint green rug on our step. Yes, I was as they say, totally freaked out. I asked my husband if he put it there. He answered, in my mother’s accent, ‘“Why did you throw this out? It’s a good rug.”

I still talk to Mom, in my heart. Occasionally we argue. My mother-in-law died eight years later, and my husband understood my grief process much more. I took risks to grieve the way I needed to. I hope this article gives you permission to grieve at your own pace and in your own way, with laughter and tears.

Reprinted with permission from Grief Digest.

That’s not funny (continued)

Author Debra Joy HartDebra Joy Hart is a CT (Certified Thanatologist) as well as an RN, CLL-E, minister and clown. As an international speaker, Debra Joy encourages gentle humor and loving laughter at times of crisis and thru grief. She loves her husband unit, her three grown children, her 6.5 grandchildren, and two obnoxious cats. Feel free to reach out to her at [email protected].

The poet Kahlil Gibran once wrote, “the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.” Comics know how true this is. Several well-known comedians experienced a tragic childhood and turned their grief into humor.

Charlie Chaplin, for example, was five-years-old when his father died of alcoholism. Soon after that his mother went insane and no longer recognized her own son. Some of the other comedians who turned tears to laughter were Carol Burnett, Joe E. Brown, Jackie Gleason and Art Buchwald.

Research has shown that there is a close connection between the tears of sorrow and the tears of joy. Dr. William H. Frey, a biochemist from Minnesota, has found that emotional tears contain a greater concentration of toxins than tears that are produced by other means, such as those that occur when cutting an onion. He also speculates that the tears produced by laughter serve that same function as the tears of sorrow.

Two other researchers, Dacher Keltner, professor of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley, and George Bonanno, professor of education and psychology at Columbia University in New York City, interviewed 45 adults whose spouses died six months earlier. What

they were interested in was “What allows people to adjust to life-altering traumas?” What they found was that the widows and widowers who smiled and laughed when they talked about their deceased spouses experienced less grief for up to two years later.

Despite the connections between laughter and tears, there is a major difference. Laughter helps us transcend our suffering; crying does not.

Tears of sadness turn us inward; we cry and feel sorry for ourselves. Laughter, on the other hand, focuses us outward. Laughter expands our vision and gives us a new way of seeing our situation. Author Helmuth Plessner notes that “The laughing person is open to the world.” The crying person, on the other hand, only sees his world, his suffering. Perhaps this is why one Yiddish proverb tells us that “laughter can be heard farther than weeping.”

Tears of sorrow focus only on one aspect of our loss: our pain. They emphasize the seriousness of the situation, bind us to our suffering, and narrow our vision.

On the other hand, when we can allow some humor to be part of our pain, we are not as directly involved in our suffering. It is as if we put on someone else’s glasses to view our situation. Everything seems familiar, but there is a slightly different look to the picture.

It is not that our pain itself has diminished; it’s just that space around it has gotten bigger. Any animal confined to a small area will eventually become agitated and restless. It will bray, kick and try to tear down the fence. Expand the fence, and it will be content. One Zen master advised, “To give your sheep or cow a large spacious meadow is the way to control him.” So, to ease a loss, try making the fence bigger with laughter, not with tears.

I am in no way minimizing the value of crying. Crying is an important part of our pain, loss, and grief. It is one of the primary ways the body relieves tension when under pressure. We must give ourselves permission to cry.


Tears of sorrow, tears of joyBy Allen Klein, MA, CHP

Jackie Gleason

Charlie Chaplin

Carol Burnett

Dacher Keltner, PhD

George Bonanno, PhD

Suppressed tears can linger and continue to cause problems for a lifetime; it can be detrimental to both our physical and mental health. One psychotherapist believes that a major source of violence in this country today is our inability to cry. Another researcher found that there was a close connection between those who rarely cry or have a negative attitude about crying and such illnesses as ulcers and colitis.

Crying is important and should not be suppressed. But at some point, our upset, pain or grief, continued crying may not be the healthiest thing for us. We must begin to put what we cry about in perspective so that we can get on with our life. Tears cannot do that. Laughter can.

© Allen Klein 2017


Healing with Humor (continued)

Author Allen KleinAllen Klein, the world’s only Jollytologist, is an award-winning professional speaker and best-selling author of such books as The Healing Power of Humor, The Courage to Laugh, and You Can’t Ruin My Day. He has a Lifetime Achievement Award from AATH and a Certified Speaking Professional designation from the National Speaker’s Association. www.allenklein.com TEDx talk: http://tinyurl.com/z4hfsx5

Vicki Hannah Lein, professional speaker and author of “Find the Funny Faster,” tells of a poignant moment her family experienced as her mother was near death. The family had gathered around the bedside. Her husband leaned over and murmured, “Shirley, you’ll always be in our hearts.” Shirley stirred and looking perplexed replied, “I’ll always be in your yard?”

After she passed, Vicki commissioned a bench specially hollowed to hold her mother’s ashes. It sits in her beautiful garden in Corvallis, Oregon. Inscribed are the words, Shirley May: Forever in Our Yard.

Author, Deb Gauldin, Singing Nurse Extraordinaire

There will be laughter at my memorial. I’ve planned for it, built it into the arrangements, left specific directions. Oh there will be tears too. They go hand in hand, don’t they? It feels so good to laugh and cry. What a wonderful, natural stress release, a total relaxation response. It’s just what we need when we’ve lost a loved one.

Interesting process, this growing older, one thinks of things like this. I have come to the conclusion that it’s almost a duty for Grandparents to model this behavior for the next generation. They should see that yes, we grieve and bid our loved ones a fond farewell, and then we celebrate their lives. Our culture does this with food, drink, tributes from friends and associates, even music. There is laughter, not in church, synagogue or mosque, of course. But, later after the service or sometimes instead of a service, there’s laughter. Just recalling the many humorous incidents of the deceased’s life especially told by friends who are great storytellers, you can’t help but laugh. It’s a catharsis. It’s a tribute to the dearly departed. It “wakes” our memories of them. We may even tip a glass or two and deliver some of their favorite toasts.

As times change and services change it’s interesting to note the many new ways we honor the deceased. Sometimes the memorial features a running visual loop of the deceased in younger days. Awards presented are noted as are other important events in the person’s life. How wonderful to remember them when they were hale and hearty. I’ve seen some of the awards beautifully displayed amid flowers and other artifacts. A History, if you will, of the passage of time for the person being honored. A dignified and fitting end to a life well lived. Visuals are wonderful, people crowd around the table where things are displayed. They watch the DVD over and over.

I was at a memorial recently where the deceased was an artist, younger than I actually. Her daughter invited us all to help ourselves to a piece of jewelry the artist had created. What a lovely remembrance of her talent and her love. I think of her each time I wear the piece I picked.

I’ve been to many memorials of people much younger than I. What a touching and solemn reminder of how precious life is. I leave those ceremonies with new gratitude for being alive. Then I check my bucket list. Let’s see, where will I visit next? I vow to make the most of the time left. RIP, dear friend, I’d rather wear out than rust out.

Laughter and tears — same coin, two sidesBy Bobbe Lyon

Author Roberta LyonRoberta Lyon, better know as Bobbe, promotes the positive uses of humor in her many presentations. She is also a certified Gerontologist. She is the author of two books, numerous magazine and newspaper articles, and co-presents the Memorial each year at the AATH Annual Conference.


The lights of stars that were extinguished ages ago still

reach us. So it is with great men who died centuries ago,

but still reach us with the radiation of their personalities.

Kahlil Gibran, poet


They say that everything we do in life is preparation for something we will do later in life. Yet, somehow, having had about 100 billion people die in all of human history, and having buried the dead for 350,000 years, death remains the thing for which most people are unprepared. You might think we’ve had enough practice to get us used to the idea, but apparently not.

Fear of death is one of the strongest fears of human beings. The moment we are born we are headed for a certain death, or for death certainly. But, fear of death — whether it’s a fear of the unknown, a religious proposition, or something else — stimulates denial, through which we avoid proper planning, and are often left suspended in not-very-well-suppressed anxiety.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. — Folk saying

Steve Allen saw and showed us that we can find humor in our fears:

“The most common fear is the fear of dying. The second most common fear is speaking in public. The third most common fear is dying while speaking in public.”

On the other side of the coin, Malachy McCourt reveals that fears lurk in our humor:

“What is the mortality rate around here? The same as everywhere else, one per person.”

Working with psychiatrist Joel Schwartz, MD, calling ourselves HAMS ON WRY, we have launched “Laugh Will & Testament.” Starting with death and dying, this is the first in a series based on psychologically sound principles for making it easier to talk about things that are hard to talk about.

This is applied and therapeutic humor. Humor allows us to be open to new perspectives and, when coupled with laughter, helps discharge emotional tension.

More than merely talking about the topic, we offer participants experiences and activities based on existing beliefs, theories, and scientific findings. These activities have the potential to be therapeutic. By allaying fear, anger and depression; by strengthening optimism; by lifting spirits (pun acknowledged), we can do a better job of planning for the end and enjoying the rest of our lives.

Presented by credible mental health and humor experts, humor becomes a therapeutic ally. Audiences relax as they experience a process of immersion in death-related humor. When they are more relaxed, they are ready to consider alternative perspectives on the topic; to plan, and to consider adding non-traditional, light-hearted touches to end-of-life processes such as obituaries and memorial celebrations.

I’ve had so much plastic surgery that when I die they’ll donate my body to Tupperware. — Joan Rivers

I’m not afraid of dying, I just don’t want to be there when it happens. — Woody Allen

“The halls of heaven ring with the laughter of the saints.”

_____________________

They say that everything we do in life is preparation for something we will do later in life.

Thirty-three years ago, when I was drawn into a ‘calling’ for humor, I was impressed with the quips that showed how humor, aging, illness, death, and happiness might be connected.

“Enjoy life, nobody is getting out alive.”

“You don’t stop playing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop playing.”

“You’re only young once, but you can remain immature indefinitely.”

Prepare to die laughing

By Steve Wilson

Steve Allen

Steve Wilson


“Humor may not cure anything but it makes the unbearable a little more bearable.”

“Comedians have a strange vocabulary; they want to kill but they don’t want to die.”

Back in the day, when I was starting my humor expedition, health was the central theme and promise of what humor would bring if we did it right. Norman Cousins, and a group of nurses, were leading the way.

Death and dying were not tackled head-on, but were alluded to around the edges of humor prescriptions. It is still mostly true but, according to trends in religion and the funeral industry, things are changing. In today’s world of global communications and modern thanatology, more people are open to things like fun funerals and good goodbyes.

More than 100 euphemisms attest to how hard it is to talk about death directly.

Bought the farm. Pass on. Bite the dust. Cashed in one’s chips. Crossed the Jordan. Give up the ghost. Go to one’s reward. Kick the bucket. Pushing up daisies.

In Roz Chast’s graphic memoir, “Can’t We Talk About Something More Pleasant?”, she finds humor and heartache in being her parents’ sole caretaker during their final years.

____________________

When she died in 1962, my mother’s youngest living sibling was my Uncle Irv (of blessed memory). At that time, he taught me some important lessons about death and dying that I have practiced ever since. One lesson was that in grief there is a need — an obligation — to balance the heavy weight of loss with something light and self-caring. There is no way that he could have realized that he was helping to prepare me for what I am doing now. But he did.

I was 20 years old. My mother, age 52, had died of ovarian cancer just weeks following the diagnosis.

We were observing “shiva” at my parents’ apartment. Shiva is the week-long mourning period in Judaism for first-degree relatives: father, mother, son, daughter, brother, sister, and spouse. The ritual is referred to as “sitting shiva.” Immediately after burial, people assume the status of mourner. This state lasts for seven days, during which family members traditionally gather in one home (preferably the home of the deceased) and receive visitors, observing the traditional Jewish week of mourning immediately following the burial of a loved one.

It was a horribly sad, confusing, and solemn time.

The afternoon of the third day, I was sitting on a couch next to Uncle Irv. We had been sitting in virtual silence for a couple of days when he leaned over and whispered a question to me, “Have you ever had a manicure?” I didn’t believe I heard him correctly so I asked him to repeat the question. He did. I said, “No.” The conversation went something like this.

UI: “Well, let’s get a manicure.” Me: “When?” UI: “Right now.” Me: “How?” UI: “There’s a salon close by. I’ll bet we could walk in and get manicures together.” Me: “Are you sure it’s OK?” UI: “Yes. Especially when you are so sad. Even in grief, you must take care of yourself. You must be kind to yourself. A few minutes of distraction, the walk to the salon, and having the manicurist take care of us, will be a good thing.”

Prepare to die laughing (continued)

Norman Cousins

Steve and Pam


We excused ourselves with the explanation that we were going out for some fresh air. During the walk to the salon, Uncle Irv talked to me, Yoda-like, imparting life lessons that have been valuable to me ever since. I felt a little bit better.

____________________

Now, I am at the stage of life that some refer to as The Third Act. There are surely more days behind me than ahead. I’m prepared to tackle the topic directly, and with humor. In the process, I intend to offer others the opportunity to do the same.

I’ve cultivated a deeply appreciative understanding of the psychology of humor, the science of laugher, and pathways to happiness — including more than 40 years of Buddhist meditations on mortality. I am closer than ever to coming to terms with my mortality, and blending it all into programs and seminars on the topic.

Every time I deliver this program, I think gratefully of those who have helped me prepare for the occasion. My friends and colleagues at AATH are high on my list.

They say that everything we do in life is preparation for something we will do later in life. I don’t know who ‘they’ are, but I think they are right.

©2017 All Rights Reserved

Prepare to die laughing (continued)

Author Steve WilsonSteve Wilson is an award-winning psychologist, speaker and author. He and Pam, The Empress of Everything, live in Columbus, Ohio. He is the Cheerman of The Bored of World Laughter Tour, Inc., and Director of National Humor Month. For more information visit The Facebook page Laugh Will & Testament, and the websites www.WorldLaughterTour.com, and www.HumorMonth.com, or phone 1-800-669-5233.

AATH Humor Voice • July 2017 • 12

According to most studies, people’s number one fear is

public speaking. Number two is death, Death is number two!

Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if

you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing

the eulogy.

Jerry Seinfeld, comedian

Comedy is a tragedy plus time.

Carol Burnett, comedian (attributed)


When Socrates spoke his famous last words, “Crito, we owe a cock to Asclepius,” he was not just cracking an in-joke with a friend.

Asclepius was the ancient Greek god of medicine, who was associated with health and healing. The sick would leave offerings of hope for cure to Asclepius or as thanks for getting better. When, on his death bed, Socrates reminds his friend to leave a gift for the god after he is gone, he is reasserting Plato’s philosophical stance that in death one would find the ‘cure’ to life’s ills. The kind of denial of death underlying this worldview pervades Western attitudes to this day and impacts the kind of care we offer, or not, to those at the end of life—including therapeutic humor.

While modern hospice care was institutionalized in the early 20th century in the UK, US and Canada, it was only in the last few decades that palliative care emerged as a distinct medical specialization. From a public health perspective, hospice care had come to be seen as somewhat limited, and there was a desire for an approach to, and way of thinking about, end-of-life care that would better translate into health system contexts and engage more effectively with public health.

As populations grow worldwide, there is a rise in the number of people living, and living longer, with chronic disease. In response, the meaning of palliative care is shifting, exacerbating the variability in quality and availability of end-of-life care within and between jurisdictions. Called the “neglected core business of medicine,” palliative care services have been identified as a “human right” and the lack thereof a “global moral failing.”

In 2014, the World Health Organization (WHO) released a report calling for the urgent need to address these gaps in the provision of palliative care. The WHO report highlights healthcare professionals’ and patients’ negative perception of palliative care as a key barrier. Since patients often get their cues from their healthcare providers, it is suggested that educational interventions should target, specifically, healthcare professionals’ attitudes towards dying and death.

Alongside the emergence of palliative care, attention is increasingly being paid to the therapeutic value of humor—which, incidentally, can be traced back to the medical theory of Hippocrates, a contemporary of Plato. More and more evidence suggests that there are a number of physiological and psychosocial benefits associated with humor, yet the study of humor and its health effects is not always taken so seriously (not unlike end-of-life care).

We know from scientific and anecdotal evidence that patients at the end of life use and value humor. Exploratory qualitative research suggests that humor may even be essential for confronting and managing physical and mental suffering in these patients. Yet despite these significant outcomes, humor is not being implemented systematically during patient–provider interactions. Why not?

Research on barriers to implementation suggests that health care professionals resist incorporating humor into clinical contexts due to the perception that humor is inappropriate and can be condescending. In the context of end-of-life care, beliefs about the inappropriateness of humor may be even more pronounced because of the tension between the very nature of humor

Barriers to humor in end-of-life care: No laughing matter! By Jess Bytautas

Socrates

Asclepius

Hippocrates


and the role of providers in caring for the sick and dying. Within the prevailing biomedical model of healing and cure dating back to at least the 5th century BCE, palliative care and humor therapy can come across as somewhat antithetical.

Until and unless this resistance is better understood, the gap between best evidence of humor and health care practice will persist. Understanding health care professionals’ discomfort in using humor during their interactions with severely ill and dying patients is essential to designing interventions that can successfully fill this gap and improve the quality of care for patients and their families.

End-of-life care (continued)

Author Jess BytautasJess Bytautas is a Level 1 student in the AATH Humor Academy and a PhD student in Public Health at the University of Helsinki, Finland.

There’s something about death that is comforting.

The thought that you could die tomorrow frees you to

appreciate your life now.

Angelina Jolie, actress

Life is a series of experiences, each of which makes us

bigger, even though it is hard to realize this. For the world

was built to develop character, and we must learn that

the setbacks and grieves which we endure help us in our

marching onward.

Henry Ford, industrialist

When we die, we die three times. First, when our brain

ceases to function. Second, when our heart stops beating.

Third, when our name is no longer spoken in the world.

Jewish saying


While there are many ways to honor and remember those that we have loved and lost, one of the often overlooked ways is to honor our loved ones by sharing the joy of their lives and the joy that they brought us. Yes, we will mourn and miss their presence, but we may also honor their spirit by cherishing the loving and often funny memories they shared with us. George Bernard Shaw said, “Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.”

Too often feeling joy after a death is viewed as disrespectful when in reality it honors the memory of the lost loved one. How can a child who feels deep sadness having lost a brother or sister also experience acceptance for the deep joy that they feel for them, and even for life itself? Often a surviving sibling feels guilty when feeling good, as if feeling good is unacceptable and dishonors the deceased. Encouraging the surviving sibling to feel good when thinking about their lost brother/sister helps to embrace their experience in a loving and respectful way.

Pleasurable and even funny memories of the lost loved one honor that person’s life and aids in the process of accepting the loss. Pleasure does not remove the pain of the loss, but it reduces the suffering a child may feel with the loss.

Pain results when someone who we love and cherish is lost to us. We feel pain, sadness, and grieve because we deeply care about the person and the relationship we experienced with them.

Suffering occurs when we place extreme negative meaning on the loss. Suffering generally results in depression or anger, and impedes our ability to move forward and create a loving, fulfilling, and happy life.

The language of suffering includes such statements as, “my life is ruined” or “I cannot be happy, fulfilled, or move on.” These self-messages are simply not true.

Your life is not ruined. It is certainly changed in sad and perhaps difficult ways, but as humans we are resilient and will adapt to the traumas of life. You can be happy and fulfilled even with the loss. I suggest that not only would your lost loved one want you to live a happy and fulfilling life, but that person would be saddened to see his/her death impede your living a fulfilling life.

If children are encouraged to both grieve for the loss and feel good for the memories of shared fun times together, they will be better equipped to move forward, thus preserving their ability to live a fulfilling, satisfying, and happy life.

How can we encourage a child to both experience the pain and yet honor with joy the one who has been lost? Perhaps the best answer to this question is balance. We can offer balance for the child by recognizing and validating the grief and sadness while also honoring the joyous memories of the one who is lost.

With love, honor, and a bit of humor:Helping children balance grief and joyBy Steve Sultanoff, Ph.D, CHP

In MemoriamI hold it true, whate’er befall;

I feel it, when I sorrow most;

’Tis better to have loved and lost

Than never to have loved at all.

Alfred Lord Tennyson


Helping a Child Grieve and Feel Joy

To validate a child’s pain, we let the child know we understand. The most effective way to demonstrate this is to mirror the child’s experience by offering such reactions as, “I know you are sad, hurt, angry, etc.” We can also offer acceptance of the child’s grief by inviting the child to share thoughts and feelings about their lost loved one.

Grieving involves the child experiencing feelings of sadness, hurt, or even anger. Moving emotionally forward involves not letting those moments inhibit the joy of life. Sharing the joyous and funny moments of life, even if those are moments about the loss of a loved sibling, helps a child to move forward in life. After allowing the child to express his/her inner experience, and validating that experience through reflecting, you can then invite the child to honor the lost loved one by recounting the joyous and funny memories of their relationship.

Stimulating a Child’s Funny Bone

There are many ways to invite children to recall humorous and joyous experiences with their sibling. You can encourage a child to talk about the times of joy with such statements as, “Tell me a time when you and your brother laughed so hard that you almost fell down.” You might also ask, “What did your brother or sister do that made you laugh?”; or “What is the silliest thing you did to make your brother or sister laugh?” You know the child best and certainly can uncover other questions that would encourage him/her to share past experiences of delight.

Sharing funny memories of the lost brother or sister honors the relationship and helps all of us to move forward. It also creates a picture album of joyous moments for the child to embrace while growing and maturing. Pleasant, humorous, and joyous memories create a solid anchor for remembering.

After her death in the line of duty, Tashi Yar, the security officer on the Starship Enterprise, stated “Death is that stage of life when one lives on in the memories of others.”

Truly our memories of humorous delight are priceless and cherished in preserving our lost ones in our thoughts and in our hearts.

Helping children (continued)

Tasha Yar, Starship Enterprise

Author Steven SultanoffSteven Sultanoff, PhD, CHP, is a psychologist, professor at Pepperdine, professional speaker, past AATH president, and internationally recognized expert on therapeutic humor. In 2012 Steve was awarded the AATH “Lifetime Achievement Award.” His web site (humormatters.com) provides a wealth of information on therapeutic humor as well as a wide range of topical humor.

For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow,

but phone calls taper off.

Johnny Carson, comedian


If AATH members don’t know member Cheryl Fell, that is fine with her. Even though she has been an active member since 2000, and generous sponsor of AATH conference components, Cheryl likes to be “behind the scenes.” And not just in AATH.

“I am a behind-the-scenes server in my church, in AATH and with Camp Bluebird – the adult cancer camp where I’ve volunteered the past 18 years,” Cheryl explains. “That is where I want to be – behind the scenes. It is where I have found I can make the most difference.”

And make a difference, she does. This author can attest to that, first-hand. [If you will allow me (Shirley Trout), I want to share my experience with Cheryl during my AATH presidency, from 2003 to 2005: Shortly after taking office, I received a lovely, hand-written greeting card from Nurse FUNshine (Cheryl Fell). I had met her, of course. But I must admit, I had never really taken time to know her. Cheryl’s personal message of support and best-wishes lifted my spirits and made me realize that a caring member of our association was lifting me – and our association – in ways that made me feel empowered. But it wasn’t just a single card. Throughout those two years (and several times since), my days were brightened by a cheerful card from Nurse FUNshine. Thankfully, those cards helped me understand that it was high-time I actually meet this unique, interesting, caring woman. Now, back to her story]:

Cheryl has worked in the mental health/psychiatric nursing field since 1985, where she eventually realized that depressed people don’t laugh. She created Nurse FUNshine to help bring humor and laughter to those in need. She also realized that her patients need to keep busy or they get agitated, so Nurse FUNshine has them help prepare their laughter group sessions and other activities. “They actually get great joy even in preparing for the sessions, so they enjoy the prep time, the activity, itself, and even after the session is over,” she explains.

After watching Nurse FUNshine make a difference in her hospital unit, Cheryl then got invited to share her character with other hospitals in that system. Cheryl also has shared the work of Nurse FUNshine at countless conferences, including AATH.

“In the 17 years I have been a member of AATH,” Cheryl explains, “I have seen changes in leadership and members have come and gone, but I respect this organization because, despite everything, it has stayed true to its mission.” Cheryl values every AATH conference she attends, as each provides her with new ideas, the chance to network with established and new friends, and to share ideas that can help those she serves as she continues her work with people suffering from depression and other psychological issues. The past several years, Cheryl’s generous spirit has led her to provide financial support for some parts of the AATH conference. She sees those gifts as yet another way she can share her family’s blessings to bless others.

While cherishing her role as a wife of 37 years, and mother of two adult children and, more recently, her two young grandchildren, Cheryl continues her (Nurse FUNshine’s) “card ministry” as one way she can make a positive difference from the place she wants to serve: behind the scenes. Cheryl’s actions provide a true testimony to what it means to stay true to one’s personal mission. Thank you, Cheryl!

Member Spotlight By Shirley Trout, CHP

Cheryl Fell, Psychiatric Nurse — Nurse FUNshine

Author Shirley TroutShirley Trout, CHP is a past president of AATH and has been a long time active member.

Jack and Lola

Husband John and Jack

Cheryl at Camp Bluebird

Cheryl with author Shirley Trout


Tabatha Mauldin’s email signature includes a bright red and yellow image of the letters “RN” styled after the iconic Superman logo and, let me tell you, she deserves every pixel of it. A Registered Nurse from North Carolina, Tabatha practices pediatrics and nursing education by day and is a busy mom, wife and community leader by night (and evenings and weekends, too). Somehow, Tabatha even finds the time to pursue a PhD on humor in nursing education at the University of Phoenix.

Recently, I chatted with the AATH scholarship-winner and Humor Academy student about her career, research and ambitions, as well as her reflections on grief and loss, the value of humor in pediatric nursing and advice for other healthcare professionals. Tabatha is a true Superwoman—and one to watch!

[Author’s note: this interview has been condensed and edited.]

Hi Tabatha! So, how did you get into nursing and teaching?

Nursing was a second degree for me. I had studied to be a medical technologist, but I decided I wanted something a little bit more dynamic. The biggest reason I chose pediatrics was I had a cousin who was very sick her entire childhood and passed away at age 18 due to a medical error. I wanted to participate in healthcare so I could help improve people’s health and try to make up for what we had lost as a family. That was really the driving force for me to go into pediatrics. And I’ve just always liked to take the time to teach people. I thought, well, I’ll just make a career out of it. It was a good fit.

Tell me a bit about your PhD research.

I was inspired to work with humor by Patty Wooten, who is in AATH. In fact, I received her scholarship award this past April and presented at the AATH conference in Orlando, Florida. Several years ago, I saw Patty at one of her workshops and I was inspired by the idea that you could take humor and bring it into healthcare. You could find things that were funny and uplift yourself, and uplift your colleagues and patients.

When I started my PhD I had no idea what I wanted to do! [Laughs] So I thought, I’ll look at the concept of humor. The more I looked into it the more I realized that there’s a lot of evidence out there that supports its use and puts it forth as a valid concept—something that could really benefit patients and healthcare workers. But the problem is that there’s no one who teaches you how to use humor. You really don’t get, “these are the types of jokes that would be funny” and when to use them.

Looking at my background in pediatrics, I am very familiar with growth and development. I had stumbled across Paul McGee’s theory of humor development—it’s very closely aligned with Piaget and his cognitive developmental theory—and I thought, voila! I’m a pediatric nurse and I have students who need to learn growth and development, and this might be a really fun, interactive way to teach students to assess growth and developmental needs in children.

Amazing! How are you conducting your research?

For my dissertation, “Effect of humor interventions on nursing student anxiety and stress,” I’ve taken McGee’s theory of humor development and picked out little snippets of this type of joke is funny to this child at this age. Children’s understanding of humor evolves as they grow. If the nursing student goes into a clinical situation knowing that a child of a certain age will enjoy a knock-knock joke, then they can have a couple of jokes ready to use when it’s time to open up and communicate with that child. What I’m doing

Member Spotlight By Jess Bytautas

Tabatha Mauldin

Tabatha Mauldin and family


is measuring nursing student anxiety and stress before and after a clinical encounter. I have a treatment and a control group, so some students will learn humor strategies and others will not, and I will look for any differences between the two groups.

I understand you’re in the midst of data collection. Are you seeing any results so far?

Since I haven’t reached my sample size yet, it’s hard to say whether I see a trend one way or the other. But, certainly, through word of mouth, students are saying that they appreciate the information. My study was inspired by Marti Southam’s work. She also used McGee’s humor development but with occupational therapy students to teach them how to use humor with pediatric clients. Southam found statistical significance in her study.

Other than getting a PhD—which is awesome!—what do you hope to accomplish with your research?

I would like to see humor development actually be incorporated into the curriculum for nursing students. I think it gives them something real-world and relatable, and we know that students have a tendency to learn better when it’s real-world and relatable. Currently, there are no nursing textbooks that use Paul McGee’s humor development and I think that’s a gap in education for nurses.

Based on your experience and expertise, what are the biggest barriers right now to integrating humor therapy into the nursing curriculum?

I think administrative support is one—simply because we have such a large amount of material to get through in order to prepare students for their licensure exam. Also, I think people need to see the value in therapeutic humor. If you come at it from the perspective of helping to shore up learning of growth and development, I think it will be more readily accepted than just saying, hey, I want to throw in a humor intervention.

This issue of Humor Voice is about dying and death. I was wondering whether and how you’ve dealt with grief and loss in your work as a pediatric nurse.

A number of years ago I was looking to expand my nursing skill set, so I took a position at a nearby teaching hospital in the hematology/oncology unit. I had a friend warn me—she said, “working in that unit is really hard on your heart.” I didn’t really understand until I got up there and, in one week, we lost five patients under the age of 18. I was struck by the way the children found humor in everyday things, despite their life-threatening illnesses. It was so inspiring. Humor was just one of those things that—although you have to be careful how you interject it—is very valuable in that environment, especially with pediatric patients. It’s vital to their care.

Do you have any advice for other health care professionals on the use of humor in clinical practice?

One of the first things you need to do is become self-aware of what your humor style is. What things do you find funny? When you are aware of your personal humor style, then it really becomes easier in your daily life to incorporate a little humor here and there. Then, once you feel comfortable with humor in your daily life, it becomes easier for you to put it into practice with your patients or your colleagues. But telling a joke and doing a schtick is not for everybody. That’s why you need to recognize what your humor style is—once you do I think it becomes a part of you.

What are your hopes for becoming a Certified Humor Professional through the AATH Humor Academy?

To continue to expand on my humor skillset. I really see its value in pediatric nursing education. I feel that, by getting my CHP, it will help to legitimize some of what I’ve already been doing for years. It will give me an opportunity to really stand out and say, this is a valid concept and it’s something that can be very useful in healthcare and education, and it’s something that we need to start using more often. I’ve gotten sucked right into this organization and I just love what it does and the people in it—I’m so blessed to have met all of these wonderful humorologists!

Tabatha (continued)

Author Jess BytautasJess Bytautas is a Level 1 student in the AATH Humor Academy and a PhD student in Public Health at the University of Helsinki, Finland. She also authored the article Barriers to humor in end-of-life care: No laughing matter! in this issue.

LOVE AND DEATH (Woody Allen) (1975)

“I shall walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death. Actually,

now that I think about it, I shall RUN through the valley of the

Shadow of Death. You get out of the valley more quickly that way.”

HEAVEN CAN WAIT (Ernst Lubitsch) (1943)

His Excellency: When did it happen, Mr. Van Cleve?

Henry Van Cleve: Tuesday. To be exact, I died at 9:36 in the evening…. I ate everything

the doctor forbade, and then… I fell asleep without realizing it. And when I awakened,

there were all my relatives speaking in low tones and saying nothing but the kindest

things about me. Then I knew I was dead.

His Excellency: I presume your funeral was satisfactory.

Henry Van Cleve: Well, there was a lot of crying, so I believe everybody had a good time.

Laurel and Hardy in WAY OUT WEST (1937)

Lola: Is it true that my dear, dear Daddy is dead?

Stanley: Well, we hope so. They buried him.


Humor can help us regain appreciation of being alive

Not a filmmaker, but the late Dr. Joseph Richman was a psychiatrist at the Albert Einstein Institute who specialized in treatment of the suicidal elderly. He was also a keynote speaker at a past AATH conference. Over his career he came to feel that “we have so many losses as we grow older. If I lost my sense of humor I might be suicidal too. So my first task is to help keep my clients alive.”

Death Goes to the (Comedy) MoviesBy Don Baird

Author Don BairdDon Baird, writes the AATH Remembers presentation at our annual conference and is the Editor of this Humor Voice.


TRIVIA QUIZ Last Bequests: Weird WillsBy Kathy Laurenhue, CHP

Throughout the ages, people have made unusual bequests. Here are five examples, one of which is untrue. Can you figure out the false will – the will that wasn’t?

1. American patriot Patrick Henry left everything he owned to his wife with the provision that she never marry again, because he said he did not want to have worked his whole life to support another man’s wife.

2. American Ambassador to France Benjamin Franklin was given a portrait of King Louis XVI in a frame studded with 408 diamonds, which he left to his daughter to do as she would with the jewels. She was soon known for her sparkling fashions.

3. French Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte, never lacking in self-confidence, ordered that his head be shaved and the hair divided up amongst his friends upon his death.

4. Author Robert Louis Stevenson left his birthday (November 13) to a friend who complained that because she was born on Christmas she never got to have a real birthday celebration.

5. Sandra West, a wealthy Beverly Hills socialite left her estate to her brother, provided he made sure she was buried in her lace nightgown and her Ferrari, “with the seat slanted comfortably.”

Sources:n http://listverse.com/2008/08/23/10-unusual-last-wills-and-testaments/ n Best of Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader

1. True, but she remarried anyway.2. False. Mr. Franklin indeed left the painting to his daughter but specifically requested that she leave the frame intact and not engage in “the expensive, vain and useless pastime of wearing jewels.”3. True. The hair, examined generations later, was found to contain high levels of arsenic that may have played a role in his death.4. True.5. True.

Author Kathy Laurenhue, CHPKathy is the creator of Wiser Now, www.wisernow.com, which aims to promote healthy aging by using a lighthearted touch—backed by science and fueled by fun.

Napoleon Bonaparte

Robert Louis Stevenson

Sandra West

It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there

when it happens.

Woody Allen, comedian


Sporty King and his co-chair, Heidi Hanna who shadowed Sporty so she can run an awe-inspiring 2018 AATH convention, pulled off a successful 27tth AATH Humor conference titled The Power & Purpose of Play, April 27-30 in Orlando, Florida. The conference had an increased registration over 2016 and the attendees give it a combined 95% favorable rating.

Sharon Fisher opened with Meet and Greet exercises followed by Margarita Gurri’s reminder to bring play into our intimate relationships. Then the inimitable incomparable Danny and Mrs. Barb Donuts harked us back to school day fun with a session of hopscotch, marbles, hula hoop, Four Square, coloring and jump rope. Their message, of course was playing for the sake of playing — with no one keeping score.

After an honoring of the past AATH presidents, David Glickman put on a

hilarious high-energy one-man show with mirthful song parodies and observational humor. Peter Gray observed that play and humor made human beings possible as early hunter-gatherers lived in cooperation in egalitarian male and female groups — something that was not possible for other primate groups.

Michael Rousell, Joyce Saltman and Beth Slazak led the workshops on Friday morning and Margarita Gurri, Linnea Heintz and Penny Willmering and Katherine Puckett ran the afternoon workshops. These humor samplers and breakouts all had such inviting titles and the attendees wished we could go to all of the sessions. Then the Friday Evening Recess was convened by Saranne Rothberg with AATH participants “making us laugh.”

The Saturday keynote began with one of our favorite authors and presenters, Allen Klein. Reminding us that play can lower stress levels, enhance well-being and help problem solve, none of us will ever think of play as just being for children. Charles Hoehn described how play could be a tool

The Wonder of SportyBy Kay Caskey, CHP

Our AATH convention is over and done. It was marvelous, amazing and a ton of fun. The speakers were playful, educational and motivational. But our main man was that awesome Chairman Sporty King. His planning and vision was an incredible thing.

Oh, the wonders of Sporty who wears so many hats. He cheers us and inspires us and knows where fun is at. His mission and his vision are helping folks when life gets tough. This man is superhero –he is made of fabulous stuff.

So we thank you Mr. Chairman Sporty King, You deserve medals, bills and sweet productive stocks You deserve praises, acclamations, and a whole lot of bling Veneration — Well at least your photo on a Wheaties box.

to help cope with anxiety and depression and the inimitable Steve Wilson of The World Laughter Tour presented the Uh-Oh Squad. Steve demonstrated and taught playful strategies to reduce stress, engage audience participation with his blending of the science of laughter and the psychology of humor and the experience of mirth. Of course, this day was also filled with breakouts convened by Linda MacNeal, Tabatha Mauldin, Joye Swisher and Penny Willmering and Jennipher Wiebold. Dr. Lee Berk, Colleen Cooke, Cynthia Keeler and Julie Ann Sullivan.

On the last day of the conference, Brenda Elsagher taught us how to find audiences for our passion of passing on the truths of laughter and humor, and the Usher family brought us all to tears as they inspired us to understand the value of play and humor in dealing with life changing challenges in a nuclear family environment. Amy Oestreicher presented excerpts from her one-woman autobiographical musical — Gutless & Grateful and Paul Osincup presented Sit. Stay. Play: What Humans can Learn from Dogs About Play.

The closing keynote was by Nick Gianoulis who shared his 20 years of corporate management experience of delivering more fun in the workplace than anyone in the world.

In addition, the Humor Academy graduates presented their projects and we applauded the Certified Humor Professional (CHP) recipients. Past President Jill Knox initiated a HUMOR AND PEACE MURAL and Charlie and Jill Knox sponsored our Humor Academy Peace Luncheon. On Saturday evening at the President’s Ball and Banquet, awards and recognition was given to our members and Certified Humor Professionals and then we danced the night away.

Making this conference possible is our major sponsor, Cancer Treatment Centers of America (CTCA) along with Silver sponsors, Cheryl Fell and Father Paul Moore. We are grateful.

Guiding the AATH these past years, dynamic Mary Kay Morrison provided incredible enthusiasm, unbelievable patience, support and guidance. Thank you Mary Kay!

We welcome Nila Nielsen as the incoming president who will welcome us all to the 2018 Annual AATH conference April 12-15 in San Diego, California.

See you there at RESILIENCE: Harnessing the Power of Humor!


Convention Wrap up (continued)

Author Kay Caskey, CHPAuthor Kay Caskey, CHP is a longtime member of AATH and an executive editor for the AATH Voice.

I don’t believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change

of underwear.

Woody Allen, comedian

RESILIENCEHarnessing the Power of Humor

ASSOCIATION FOR

APPLIED &

THERAPEUTIC HUMOR

ANNUAL CONFERENCE

APRIL 12-15, 2018

SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA

AATH.ORG

2018 AATH ANNUAL CONFERENCEApril 12-15, 2018 Holiday Inn San Diego – Bayside • San Diego, CA

Watch for details at aath.org

Join in on the informative fun as the Association for Applied and

Therapeutic Humor meets for their 28th Annual Conference. Come

to learn, to share best practices, to network, to meet new friends

and to walk away feeling uplifted.

Humor and laughter professionals from around the world are

invited to learn the latest applications and benefits of therapeutic

humor presented by field experts. CEU and CME credits will be

available for the conference session as well as the one-day Humor

Academy sessions.


Book Review by Kelly Epperson

The Courage to Laugh: Humor, Hope, and Healing in the Face of Death and Dying Allen Klein

Some books are timeless, and Allen’s early work, The Courage to Laugh, still rings true nearly two decades after publishing. The Amazon.com description states: “Based on the author’s years of giving speeches and leading workshops for patients and their caregivers and families, The Courage to Laugh will be the first book to:

n show how patients use humor to cope when life is threatenedn offer hope and encouragement to readers dealing with lossn give readers permission to laugh when they feel like cryingn explain how popular culture can ease death-related fearsn provide uplifting quotes and jokes

With poignant wisdom from children, parents, doctors, and nurses, combined with the spirited writing of the author, The Courage to Laugh is a lifesaving tool for everyone experiencing a serious illness and for the people who care for them.”

As they say, the only sure things in life are death and taxes so this topic never goes out of style or need (and maybe Allen will write a book on taxes someday. Oh wait, he did, sort of, — You Can’t Ruin My Day!).

Allen’s career as a seminar leader and speaker as the jollytologist began after the death of his wife, Ellen, and he wrote his first book, The Healing Power of Humor, about the humor he found during Ellen’s terminal illness. This book, The Courage to Laugh, opens with Allen telling that as he was beginning to write this one, his father died unexpectedly, giving him even more fodder for the pages. No matter how invincible we may think we are, death and dying come to visit us all. Knowing how to handle it with grace and humor is incredibly helpful.

Tears will come of course, and they need to. Laughter can come too. They are both valid in the dying and grieving process, Allen points out, and both should be celebrated. Sometimes the laughs don’t come right away, and that’s okay. Also, they may surprise you. It could be a good old knee-slapping belly laugh or just an inner chuckle or anything in between. No right or wrong, just know “it is there to provide a momentary respite from grief. It is there to show us that, indeed, life goes on in spite of our grief. It is there to give us hope.”

Grief, death, and dying is a roller coaster ride and there will be tears and laughter simultaneously. Allen discusses helpful humor and hurtful humor, and especially in dealing with death and dying knowing how to apply healthy humor is crucial.

Allen Klein is a fixture in AATH for good reason. He has spent decades extolling the benefits of healthy humor in all situations and this book can go alongside his others to stock your AATH Author Library. Take a look at Allen’s other books, including The Healing Power of Humor: Techniques for Getting Through Loss, Setbacks, Upsets, Disappointments, Difficulties, Trials, Tribulations, and All That Not-So-Funny Stuff (1989); You Can’t Ruin My Day: 52 Wake-Up Calls to Turn Any Situation Around (2015); as well as his many collections of quotes including Always Look on the Bright Side: Living Life to the Fullest (2013).

Reviewer Kelly EppersonAATH Book Reviewer and writer-speaker-mentor Kelly Epperson agrees that laughter helps us handle any situation, including deadlines. (Not so punny?) Get Kelly’s weekly inspirational email newsletter every Friday by signing up at www.kellyepperson.com.


Book Review by Louis R. Franzini

Letterman: The Last Giant of Late Night Jason Zinoman

One Less Star in the Late Night

Jason Zinoman is the first comedy critic ever hired by The New York Times. He has authored a definitive professional biography of David Letterman, thoroughly annotated, which is certain to inform readers of the inner workings of late night comedic talk shows and what Dave is “really like” as a person.

Letterman covers two major topics:

(1) the machinations of show business in producing a highly successful after hours television show. Most fans of David Letterman are unaware of those behind the scenes issues that concern network business executives and talent bookers, e.g., how the writing staff works, how decisions are made to use particular jokes or to discard certain jokes, the role of the host’s sidekick (band leader Paul Shaffer in this instance), the genre of music played by the house band and guest bands, the relationship between the star and the individual guests on the program, the guests’ agendas for their appearance, what the late night competition is offering and how successful they are, daily ratings, and much more. There will be a tremendous amount of new information on these issues for most readers. However, one problem which could arise is whether most readers will actually be interested in such detailed content. The names and daily concerns of the show’s writers and producers will be unfamiliar to nearly all general interest readers.

(2) Of much greater potential reader interest is the book’s description of the personality traits and behaviors of David Letterman, based on Zinoman’s many interviews with Dave, his writers, his relatives, and his wives and girlfriends. Letterman self-diagnoses himself variously as being impaired by anxiety, depression, attention deficit disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and hypochondria. Interestingly, his many hypochondriac concerns disappeared, when in January 2000 at age 52, he was diagnosed with five clogged blood vessels. He underwent immediate quintuple heart bypass surgery.

To understate it, offstage Letterman was difficult to work with. His moods and attitudes were typically negative and sarcastic. The pressures of the business, self-doubts, and unsatisfactory personal relationships clearly affected his interactions with his writers, assistants, and producers. Over time his show changed in its format, interview style, types of comedy bits, and the star’s on air persona. Zinoman writes, “In Hollywood, Letterman developed a reputation as cold and unhelpful at best, mean at worst (p. 92).” He himself described his interviewing as “terrible.”

This book candidly discusses Letterman’s huge disappointment at not being given the job to succeed Carson on The Tonight Show, his feud with former friend Jay Leno, and his affairs with staff and guests. Regarding the latter matters, he made an unprecedented confession on air and described his determination to strengthen his marriage and regain the favor of his wife and son.

Letterman is not funny, but Letterman is funny. He will receive the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor from the Kennedy Center in October 2017. I recommend this book, especially if you want to try to understand the psyche of David Letterman. He is a complicated man.

Reviewer Lou FranziniLou Franzini is an Emeritus Professor of Psychology at San Diego State University and the author of numerous research articles on humor and these two books: Kids Who Laugh: How to Develop Your Child’s Sense of Humor and Just Kidding: Using Humor Effectively.

Message to Members:Welcome to the AATH Humor Voice NewsletterThe Voice contains articles from world leaders in the therapeutic humor movement. Take advantage of their expertise! And while you are at it, share yours. Next up – Health and Spirituality. Contact Guest Editor Jill Knox with your ideas: [email protected].

Some people at the conference said they wanted a handy hard copy of the most recent Voice and you CAN have one! Of course it would cost squillions to mail out copies of our 25 Page + colored newsletter, but you can do it for yourself. Maybe it is time to buy a color printer.

Other ways to enjoy this keepsake:

• Download the pdf and save in your files on your computer for future reference.

• Download it and upload to iBooks or another easily accessible format on your tablet.

• You can read it on your computer right now!

Next IssueHealth and Spirituality Send us your stories, your thoughts, ideas, inspirations, drawings, and photos. Contact Guest Editor Jill Knox with your ideas: [email protected].

If you have a book that you would like reviewed, contact Kelly Epperson at [email protected]

Think about including AATH on your donation list!We are a 501c corporation, which means you can deduct your donation on your taxes. We are changing but volunteers can’t do all that needs to be done and everything has a cost. Please keep AATH in mind.

Don Baird, Guest Editor of this very edition of the AATH Humor Voice! Don regularly writes the AATH Remembers presentation at the annual conferences. If you know of anyone who should be honored or remembered, write him at [email protected].

Laurie Young, CHP, Hunter and Gatherer — the place to come if you need to be hunted or gathered. Now that we know how important it is to be a hunter/gatherer, she is feeling REALLY cool. [email protected].

Sporty King, CHP, Master of all Things Correct — I mean what can’t he do? Did you see the cereal box??? [email protected].

Kay Caskey, CHP, as always, she takes care of the serious stuff. Not only does she have an ENORMOUS brain, she is a brave adventurer having traveled deep into the UP in Northern Michigan! Send her your research papers and articles with big words.

And of course the complaint department is all hers. [email protected].

Allen Klein, leader in finding just the right quotation at the right time. He is the author of numerous books including Learning to Laugh When You Feel Like Crying from which most of the quotations sprinkled in this issue are excerpted. Allen received a

Lifetime Achievement Award from AATH.

AATH Voice Regulars:

Of course Kelly Epperson has been giving us great reviews since the start. Contact her if you have a book. [email protected].

You may have noticed Deb Gauldin heads up our “Funny Page.” If any of you have stories for you think might be a good fit, please send them along to her at [email protected].

Kathy Laurenhue will be creating a quiz to go along with the focus of each issue. [email protected].

Editorial staff:

Finn says, “Be careful out there. Safety First!”

Thanks to all the authors who have helped make this newsletter a reality!



Author Deb GauldinDeb Gauldin, RN, CHP is a singing nurse who delivers hilarious talks for over-extended and under appreciated people, especially women.

What a Way to Go By Deb Gauldin, RN CHP

As my dad neared the end of his life, he had lucid days and times where his short term memory failed him. I can report with confidence, he never had a day that wasn’t sprinkled in some way with humor and kindness.

A Rehabilitation Director assessing my father asked if he wanted life-saving measures. He looked up at this young doctor and replied, “Well Doc, if you think I can be of some service to my fellow man, keep bringing me back. Otherwise, I am ready to leave my apple fritters behind.”

Another time a physician asked, “To what do you attribute your sunny disposition?” Dad said he figured every day above ground was a good one. Grinning, the fellow continued. “Are you retired, Sir?” “Oh no”, Dad replied with pride. “I still work at a warehouse.”

“Excuse me. What is it you do there?” his doctor asked with skepticism. “Mostly the floors” answered my dad.

It was then I realized the ER doc thought my father said he worked at a whorehouse! You can imagine the look on both their faces when I translated. Dad became so tickled he began laughing and wheezing and ultimately needed respiratory assistance. His gravestone could have literally read, ‘Died Laughing.’

One crisp winter morning I arrived at my parents’ home. My mother opened the curtains and glimpsed the new fallen snow. She snapped the drapes shut and grumbled about how much she hated winter weather.

I awakened Dad and told him I was there to take him to see his orthopedic doctor. As he dressed, Mom grumbled on about the weather.

Over breakfast he asked several times if I was taking him to his dialysis treatment. I clarified that he was seeing someone for the worsening pain from his degenerating vertebrae. Mom continued to grumble about the weather.

A few minutes later, Dad teetered down the hallway all bundled up and carrying his dialysis bag. “You won’t need that bag, Dad. Today I am taking you to the back doctor.” I said.

“Oh. How is the weather today?” he asked as he opened the front door. He stopped and gasped. The sun was sparkling off the snow drifts. He paused, took a step back and exclaimed, “What a beautiful day! I wonder where I am going.”

In that instant, I knew those were the words I want etched on my grave-stone one day. ‘What a Beautiful Day! I Wonder Where I am Going.’

In the meantime, here’s to filling every day we are lucky enough to be above the ground, with laughter, kindness and an occasional apple fritter.

THE FUNNY PAGE

Welcome to this Special Issue on Humor and Death · Matthieu Ricard calls “a pebble in my...

Documents

Transcript of Welcome to this Special Issue on Humor and Death · Matthieu Ricard calls “a pebble in my...