Welcome!Salaam AlaykumIn this issue we have focused on the Holy Quran. As mums we strive to teach ourchildren about the best of everything. But what of our Holy book? Do we reallystrive to convey and teach the true nature of this divine book so that they may growup understanding and cherishing the Quran?

In his final will and testament Imam Ali (as) instructs his children: ‘Remain attached tothe Quran. Nobody should surpass you on being intent on it or more sincere inimplementing it.

Issue 6Jamaadil Thaani1430/2009

Changing the way werecite QuranPre and Post Natal YogaBook ReviewsDadima’s StoryA Different Kind ofMarriageBudget HolidayMothers as LeadersFood FocusProduct ReviewKids ActivityKids Competition

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Small Things Make BigMuslims - Tips for instilling

Islam in your children.This edition, we have focused onmaking the Quran a part of yourchild’s daily routine. We havechosen 5 short segments of ayahswhich can be practically appliedaround the house. There arevarious ways in which you canexplain these. They may be stuck upin appropriate places around thehouse as constant reminders. Onemum relayed how she would weavean elaborate story with the ayah as

the punch line or they can just beadded as part of ourconversations with them.You will be amazed at the benefits.Not only does it introduce theQuran to them at a different levelthan what they are used but it alsoteaches them through practicalways to constantly keep Allah andwhat pleases him in their minds. (In the bathroom)

Sura Tawba, Ayah 108 “And Allahloves those who become pure andclean.”This is a good ayah when they donot want to be interrupted withthe chore of showering. ‘Which oneof you wants to be loved by Allahbecause He loves those who areclean?’ What usually follows is arace to the bathroom! (On the washing machine)

Sura Mudathir, Ayah 4 “And purifyyour clothes.”Especially helpful when they wantto wear the same favourite top dayin day out!

(On the clothes cupboard)

Sura A’raf, Ayah 31 “Put on yournice things at every place ofworship.” How often is there a tugof war when deciding what to wearto mosque? ‘With my son it iswanting to wear the sporty socksthat just do not go with the blacktrousers. Explaining and teachingthis ayah makes it something thatAllah will be pleased with and not‘mummy not letting me wear what Iwant!’

(In the kitchen)

Sura A’raf, Ayah 31 “Eat and drinkbut do not waste.”Often this ayah will motivate themto finish that last bite simplybecause it is what will make Allahhappy.

(Where you pray)

Sura Taha, Ayah 14 “And establishprayer for my remembrance.” Good for when you want toencourage them to pray gently andnot forcefully.

Source: “Lessons from the QuranColouring Book”

Growing FeetProviding parents with “Pearls ofWisdom” (Islamic and Secular)through the growing years

PREGNANCY – Making theDecision

(Extracted from What to Expectwhen Expecting, by Eisenberg,Murkoff and Hathaway)

Women have more options inchildbirth today than ever before.And with the exception of certainemergency situations, the decisionof whether or not to havemedication during labour anddelivery will be largely yours. To tryand make the best possible decision,for you and your baby:

• Discuss the topic of pain reliefand anaesthesia with yourpractitioner long before labourbegins. Find out what kinds of drugsor procedures are available andwhat side effects may beexperienced by mother and/orchild.• Recognise that, although childbirthis a natural experience that manywomen can go through withoutmedication, it is not supposed to bea trial by ordeal or a test of bravery,strength, or endurance. The

pain of childbirth has beendescribed as the most intense inthe human experience. Medicaltechnology has given women theoption of relief. Not only is this anacceptable option, it is, in certaincases, the preferred one.• Keep in mind that taking childbirthmedication entails both risks andbenefits and should only be usedwhen the benefits outweigh therisks.• Don’t make up and close yourmind in advance. Though it’s okay totheorise what might be best for youunder certain circumstances, it’simpossible to predict what kind oflabour and delivery you’ll have.• If during labour you feel you needmedication, discuss it with youmidwife or doctor. But don’t insiston it immediately. Try holding out 15minutes or so and putting that timeto the best possible use –concentrating on your relaxation orbreathing. You may find that with alittle more support you can handlethe pain or that the progress youhave made in that time gives youthe will to go on without help. Ifhowever you find that you needthe relief as much or even more, askfor it – and don’t feel guilty. If ofcourse, your doctor decides thatyou need medication immediately,

for your sake or your baby’s,waiting may not be advisable.• Remember that your well-beingand that of your baby are yournumber one priority, not some pre-conceived, idealised childbirthscenario. All decisions should bemade with that priority in mind.

INFANCY (0-12 Months) –Today’s Slower babies

(Extracted from What to Expect inthe First Year, by Murkoff, Eisenbergand Hathaway)

Something you should definitelykeep in mind when yourcompulsion to compare gets thebest of you (and it will): babiestoday are developing later in somemajor gross motor skill categoriesthan they used to. Not becausethey’re less naturally precocious,but because they’re spending lesstime on their tummies. Puttingbabies to sleep on their backsdramatically reduces the risk ofSIDS (Sudden Infant DeathSyndrome), but it also temporarilyslows motor development. Withlittle opportunity to practise thoseskills babies used to practise ontheir tummies (such as rolling overand crawling), more babies areaccomplishing these skills later.

Many are even skippingthe crawling stage entirely.Though this slowdownisn’t considered significantdevelopmentally (andskipping the crawlingphase is never a problemunless a baby is skippingother developmentalmilestones as well, such as

rolling over, sitting up, and so on),parents can help their babies alongby making sure they spend plentyof supervised playtime on theirbellies from an early age. (Parentswho wait too long to flip theirbabies at playtime will find that theirbabies balk at this unaccustomedposition.) So remember: Back tosleep, tummy to play.

THE TODDLER YEARS –Keeping Your Cool

(Mainly based on “What to Expect– the Toddler Years”, by Eisenberg,Murkoff and Hathaway)

Nobody is cool, calm and collectedall of the time – particularly whenthere’s a toddler in the house. Butsince frequent parental tantrumsare not good for you or yourtoddler, it’s a good idea to try somesimple strategies to help minimisethe possibility of such explosions.These will be covered over fourissues, Inshallah.

Part 1:• Steer away from stress on ‘dangerdays’. Blow-ups are much morelikely on days when your toddler iswhiny, overtired and cranky; whenyou’ve got problems at work; whenyou’ve had a fight with your spouse,your mother, your best friend; whenyou’re experiencing PMS; when thewashing machine’s given out in themiddle of a load and the repairperson can’t make it until nextweek. When you’ve had ‘one ofthose days’, try to avoid activitiesthat are likely to add to the stress(a trip to the shoe shop, forexample). Instead, take time for anactivity or outing that promises tobe relaxing for both of you (a tripto the park or watching a videowith your feet up).• Choose your issues carefully.Instead of squaring off with yourtoddler over every question, savethe showdowns for really importantmatters. As your toddler comes torealise the innate fairness of thispolicy (grown-ups don’t always gettheir way), he or she will feel less

compelled to argueevery point. This willreduce blow-ups onboth sides and makeit easier for you tohold your groundwhen necessary.• Take a time-out.When you feelyou’re about to boilover, step away fromthe situation for afew minutes. Countto ten (or a hundred,if you need to), takea couple of deepbreaths (or use thebreathing exercisesyou learned inchildbirth classes),do a meditation, think aboutsomething pleasant, repeat over andover to yourself a phrase you findcomforting (such as ‘I am calm andserene’) – until you’ve stoppedsimmering. Do not, however, leaveyour toddler alone while you regainyour composure.

THE OLDER YEARS – LoveLanguages (Part 2 – QualityTime)

(Based on “The Five LoveLanguages” by Gary Chapman)

This issue, we will focus on thethird love language that childrenmay have.

Receiving Gifts:

Many parents and grandparentsspeak the language of giftsexcessively. In fact, when one visitsthe toy stores, one wonders ifparents believe that is the onlylanguage of love. If parents have themoney, they tend to buy many giftsfor their children. Some parentsbelieve, that is the best way to showlove. Some parents try to do fortheir children what their parentswere unable to do for them. Theybuy things they wish they had as achild. But unless that is the primarylove language of the child, gifts maymean little emotionally to the child.

The parent has good intentions, buthe/she is not meeting the emotionalneeds of the child by giving gifts.If the gifts you give are quickly laidaside, if the child seldom says “thankyou,” if the child does not take careof the gifts that you have given, ifshe does not prize those gifts,chances are “Receiving Gifts” is nother primary love language. If, on theother hand, your child responds toyou with much thanksgiving, if sheshows others how wonderful youare for buying the gift, if she takescare of the gift, if she puts it in aplace of prominence in her roomand keeps it polished, if she playswith it often over an extendedperiod of time, then perhaps“Receiving Gifts” is her primarylove language.What if you have such a child butyou cannot afford many gifts?Remember, it’s not the quality orcost of the gift; it is the “thoughtthat counts.” Many gifts can behandmade, and sometimes the childappreciates that gift more than anexpensive, manufactured gift. In fact,younger children will often playwith a box more than the toy thatcame in it. You can also finddiscarded toys and refinish them.The process of refinishing canbecome a project for both parentand child. You need not have lots ofmoney to provide gifts for yourchild.

FeatureChanging the way we

recite the QuranBy Tahera Kassamali, Canada

Our Present SituationOne of the strengths of ourcommunity is the emphasis onreciting the Holy Quran. From ayoung age our children are taughtthe Adaab of recitation, properMakhraj and pronunciation ofletters, rules of Tajweed, etc.Madrasahs and Islamic Schoolsteach it as part of the curriculum.Our gatherings usually begin with arecitation from the Quran. Therecitation of certain Surahs isusually a part of our daily scheduleand many of us will take time torecite, or at least listen to therecitation of, particular Surahs often.Familiarisation with good recitationis undoubtedly an asset of themembers of our community.

What we lack however is a deeperappreciation of the contents of theQuran. Most of us do not gobeyond recitation, or sometimes thetranslation. We read the Quran in ashallow and unfeeling manner, oftenremaining unmoved by the depthsof the truth in the verses. This isnot only because we do notunderstand the Arabic. Even if weread the translation, we fail torespond as we should. This coldnessto the Quran is very common. It is

as though we have never read theverse which says: The believers areonly those whose hearts tremble whenAllah is mentioned, and when His signs

are recited to them, their faithincreases . . . (8:2)

What prevents us fromincreasing in faith when werecite the Quran, from beingemotionally and spirituallyaffected by it? Why are ourhearts not overcome with awewhen we recite, although Allahsays: Had We revealed this Quranto a mountain, you would haveseen it bowing, crumble, out ofthe fear of Allah? (59:21)

Why do we not visualise whatthe Quran tells us, as is thequality of the Muttaqeen?During the night they are

standing on their feet, reading portionsof the Qur’an, and reciting it in a wellmeasured way, creating through it grieffor themselves, and seeking by it acure for their ailments. If they comeacross a verse creating eagerness (forParadise) they pursue it avidly, andtheir spirits turn towards it eagerly . . .and when they come across a versewhich contains fear (of Hell) they bendthe ears of their hearts towards it andfeel as though the sounds of Hell andits cries are reaching their ears.(Nahjul Balagha, Khutba 193)

Looking For AnswersTo answer these questions we mustprobe deep into ourselves, into ourattitude towards the Quran, ourmotives for reciting it, and thehabits that we have formed overthe years. What do we think ofbefore we begin reciting the Quran,as we are reciting it, and after wecomplete reciting it? What is it thatcreates this barrier to a heartfeltappreciation and reaction to theQuran? The following points couldhelp us in the quest for someanswers.

1) Recitation of the Quran is oftenritualistic, rather than intrinsicallymotivated. We recite it because wefeel we should, not because we

want to. We focus on the thawaband merits of a particular Sura andare eager to complete it so we donot miss the benefits of that Sura.

2) We overlook the fact that God istalking to each of us in the Quran.We think of it as a book of generalguidance, with specific historicalcauses of revelation. We forget thatit is also a personal book ofguidance, something that we canapply to daily situations in life. Wedon’t see it as a cure for ouremotional and spiritual diseases, abalm for our pain and an energiserwhen our spirits are failing.

3) We are not familiar with much ofthe beauty within the Quran. Wehave not read with reflection thebeautiful passages which talk aboutthe wonders of creation, about thequalities of special believers, aboutrelationships in society, about thenature of man . . . etc. What adifference it would make if wepaused at these verses and tookthem to heart, instead of passingover them as we try to complete aSura or a Juz’.

Have we ever pondered over thefollowing verses, wondered at thedepth of meaning in them, absorbedthem, thought over them,remembered them often, appliedthem . . .? If we did we would beawestruck at the magnificence ofthe Qur’an:

He sends down water from the cloud,then water courses flow (with water)according to their measure, and thetorrent bears along the swelling foam .. . thus does Allah compare Truth andFalsehood; as for the foam, it passesaway as a worthless thing, but thatwhich profits the people, it stays on theearth. Thus does Allah set forthparables. (13:17)

Have you not considered how Allahsets forth a parable of a pleasantword being like a pleasant tree, whoseroot is firm, and whose branches are inthe sky, yielding its fruit in everyseason by the permission of its Lord?

And Allah sets forth parables formankind that they may be mindful.(14: 24-25)

These and many other verses of theQuran revive the spirit and mind.They cause us to stop and thinkdeeply, correct our perspectivesand improve ourselves. But thischange for the better will onlyhappen if we change the way werecite the Quran.

A Shift In Our AttitudeTo create this change in ourcommunity we need to change theway Quran is recited in our homes.We need to learn, and to teach ourchildren, the correct way ofrecitation which is not the justcorrect verbal and physicaletiquette but also the mental,emotional and spiritual etiquette ofreciting the Quran. This includes:

a) Pondering over the QuranWill they not reflect over the Quranor are there locks on their hearts.(47: 24 )

b) Deriving spirituality and peacefrom the QuranThose who believe and whose heartsare set at rest by the remembrance ofAllah, surely by Allah’s remembranceare the hearts set at rest. (13:28)

c) Being touched emotionally by theQuranSay, believe in it or don’t believe in itsurely those who were given theknowledge before it, fall down on theirfaces making Sajdah when it is recitedto them and they say Glory be to ourLord! Most surely the promise of ourLord will be fulfilled, and they fall downon their faces weeping and it increasestheir humility.(17: 107 – 109)

d) Responding to the questionsthat God asks us in the QuranFor example when Quran says:Which of the bounties of your Lordwill you deny? (55:16), say: None ofyour bounties, my Lord, do I deny.

Some Practical GuidlinesTo achieve these Adaab we couldtry to begin some effective habitsregarding the Quran.

1) Each member of the familyshould have his/her own copy ofthe Quran with translation. Theycan make notes in that Quran,underline and highlight verses,check certain words etc. It canbecome a useful asset in gainingmore familiarity with the contentsof the Quran.

2) Recite the Quran in a non-ritualistic manner. It is not always

necessary to recite acomplete Sura, or torecite in order. Take anypassage from the Quranand read it a few times.Ponder over it, discussit, check the Tafsir ifpossible. Think about itat particular moments inlife when it can beapplied. Talk about it athome.

3) Choose selectedverses to memorise andapply them to dailysituations. For example,the verses about anger,about back-biting, aboutmaking peace betweenbelievers . . . should be

memorised and then recited at thetimes when these situations arise.Go over verses which talk aboutthe bird, rain, fruits, animals,alternation of night and day . . . etc.and memorise them. How great itwould be to be able to recite averse about the bird when we see abird in the sky, or to think aboutthe verse on rain when it begins torain. This will assist us inunderstanding and applying theQuran to our lives.

4) Discuss verses of Quran thatyou hear from lectures and majlises.Check the verses when you gethome and talk about it on thedinner table. This creates afamiliarity with various verses of theQuran. A Quran calendar can alsobe useful towards this. A new versefor each day of the year helpseveryone in the family to becomeaware of various verses of theQuran.

5) Encourage the use of Quranicverses in article writing, Madrasahwork, school work whereapplicable. Substantiate facts withtruths from the Quran and helpchildren understand that the Quranis a comprehensive book thatcovers all aspects of life.

These and other habits developedat home will help create anunderstanding of the Quran thatgoes beyond mere recitation. Agradual shift in our attitude towardsthe Quran may help our communitybecome like the people Allah talksso highly about: O you who believe! ifany from among you turns back fromhis Faith, soon will Allah produce apeople whom He will love and whowill love Him, humble with thebelievers, mighty against thedisbelievers, fighting in the way of Allah,not afraid of the reproaches of thosewho find fault. That is the grace ofAllah, which He will bestow on whomHe pleases. (5:54)

May the Almighty help us receivethe Grace to make the Quran abook that is alive for us, that speaksto us and guides our daily lives.

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Out of InterestPre and Post Natal Yoga

By Shamim Walji

As discussed in the last issue, yogahas a profound effect on ourphysical and mental wellbeing; anyyoga posture that stimulates thepelvic region will also regeneratethe sexual organs and promotegeneral health to aid healthyconception.Stress can be an influencing factorin a couple not being able toconceive. Yoga also focuses onproviding stress relief andrelaxation in order to balance thebody, hormones, and emotions. Withthis balance in place, the body willbe more conducive to conception.Regular practicing of yoga can toneand strengthen muscles thatsupport your reproductive organs.At the same time it increases yourblood circulation, allowing vitalnutrients and oxygen to reach yourreproductive system.To have a healthy baby is everymother’s dream and yoga helps youdo just that. A smooth pregnancy aswell as a natural childbirth is justsome of the benefits of yoga. Butmore importantly, it does wonderson the physical and mentaldevelopment of the foetus. Yoga isalso beneficial because it helps youto breathe and relax, which in turncan help you adjust to the physicaldemands of the labour and have abirth with minimum strain. Yoga canalso help to prevent classic

problems associated with childbirthsuch as back pains, fatigue, etc.Whether you decide to take Preand Post Natal classes or do yourpractice at home, be aware of somedos and don’ts as below.

Safety Guidelines in PracticingYoga1st Trimester: You probably don’thave many restrictions this early inyour pregnancy, but remember todrink lots of water before, during,and after yoga to keep your bodyhydrated all the time. Breathedeeply and evenly as you stretch. Ifyou are a pro at yoga, recognise andaccept that your regime will bedifferent. Avoid trying to progressor develop your suppleness toomuch.2nd Trimester: You need to takemore caution due to your loosejoints. Also, your slowly expandingsize will now affect your sense ofbalance. Remember to sink into anyyoga position slowly and carefullyto avoid injury. Take your time if youhave to and don’t overdo it. If youcan’t breathe smoothly and evenly,you are going a little too far.3rd Trimester: You are probablyfeeling less graceful now that yourabdomen is bigger, so performstanding poses with your heel tothe wall or use a chair for supportto avoid losing your balance.During labour and going throughthe pain, the body has a tendencyto shut and tighten, which may delaythe birthing process and causestress to the mother and the baby.

Learning the breathing techniquesof yoga and doing them properlywill ensure that you can ward offwhatever fear you have of pain orchildbirth itself. You will findyourself more serene and incontrol of your response to painand relaxing between contractions,preserving your energy for when itis really needed.Yoga has a definite and highly usefulplace in the postnatal period as well.It is a gentle but effective form ofrecuperative exercises. It isadvisable to start after six weeks ofbirth. It strengthens the pelvic floorand abdominal muscles as well asaiding general body tone.During pregnancy, Islamrecommends attention towards thebaby one is carrying throughrecitation of Quran, good thoughtsand deeds. This takes a priority overother seemingly important things inlife. Interestingly, yoga advocatesbeing non-judgemental, honest, ego-free, non-violent and having a lighthearted approach. These are alltraditional yogic principles whichare still emphasized in yoga way oflife.

Adult Book ReviewAn Enlightening Commentary into “The Light of the Holy Quran”Compiled by: Ayatollah Sayyid Kamili Faghih and Imani and A Group of MuslimScholars. Published by: Amir –Ul-Mu’mineen Ali (a.s) LibraryVolumes: 1-14 (Sura Fateha – Sura Ahzab) and 2 Volumes of (Sura Insan-SuraNaas)

Often we sincerely desire to ponder deeply about verses of the Quran but donot know where to begin. This is when we need to refer to the books of Tafseer.The above Shia tafseer is detailed yet very concise and has been laid out in asimplistic manner. Each Sura is divided into Sections and each of the sections hasa specific theme. The contents page lists each section and the accompanyingverses which relate to that theme. It also gives further details of the topics in that

particular verse and so we can refer to a particular subject by just looking at the contents page.

The verses in Arabic are laid out clearly with the English translation shown under the group of verses. Each verseor a group of verse has a commentary. In some instances; the occasion of revelation is also mentioned. Where someverses require further discussion, the compiler explains under a separate Explanations heading. Thus for exampleunder the verses of fasting, topics such as “Fasting and its Social and Hygienic Effects” , “Fasting in FormerReligions” and “Ramadhan, the Transcendent Month” are all discussed under the Explanations section.

The text of these verses and, also, the traditions and narrations from the holy Prophet (p.b.u.h.) or Ahlul-Bait (A.S.)are printed in English in bolder type than the running commentary in order to distinguish them.

This tafseer is a great first step towards getting familiar / acquainted with the Quran. It is detailed but easy tounderstand. It can be used on a frequent basis (not too heavy) but also if you need to research particular versesor chapters. The way in which this Tafseer has been compiled means that it can be used by both the older andyounger members of the family.

Books of Tafseer are an eternal investment and to be desired for in every household.

Children’s Book ReviewChildren’s Stories by Uthman Hutchinson

At present the only one of its kind amongst Islamic literature, the series is acollection of 36 short stories grouped by reading levels, Levels one through to sixcorrespond to the American school grading system (ages 6-11 years). This seriesis based on an American Muslim family living in a small city. The parents, their threeschool-aged children and their friends from America, Afghanistan, Pakistan andMalaysia form the characters of the series.

These stories will entertain and delight. Aimed at giving a true picture of Muslimpractice and culture as they exist in a contemporary setting, they somehow neverlose sight of their audience. The stories address a child’s experiences andconcerns with insight and humour. Whatever one’s background, this series will beof great value and pleasure to teachers, parents and children alike.

A list of the series follows:Grade 1 – Crocodile Pray, Miswak, First fast, The Axe, Snowed in, Bad Day and Good DayGrade 2 – Jamal’s Jam, The Attic, Bismillah, Tomatoes, Gone Fishing and Finders KeepersGrade 3 – Muffins, Muffins, Applesauce and The SquirrelGrade 3 – Blueberries, Blueberries, Blueberries II and The PromiseGrade 4 – Chicken Pox, Chicken Pox, Great Grandpa’s Story and Great Grandpa’s Story IIGrade 4 – The Cave, The Cave, Big Business and The Lost BusGrade 5 – In Anger, In Anger, Fajr Trouble, What’s in a Name, The Vandals, The Vandals II and The GuestGrade 6 – The New Kind, The New Kid, The New Kid II, Grandma’s Death, The Showdown, TV or Not andPrecious.

Relatives CornerDadima’s Story

Our parents and grandparentsreflect on the years that have goneby and speak about it like it was adistant dream. They talk about the‘good old days’ where a loaf ofbread would cost 10p, how familiesworked together to make thingswork and how having 10 childrento compliment their families was thenorm. But just how better off werethey in the past?

We interviewed Rubab bai Haji, an84 year old great grandmother. Shestarted out her life in Dodoma, gotmarried in Dar-es-Salaam, travelledacross Africa with her salesmanhusband and has now settled inCanada with her son. We asked her

a few simple questions including,what was life like living as a bigfamily? What role did your familyplay in your children’s upbringing?How has life changed? and finallywhich life is better?

Modern in her views of the currentWestern society she told thefollowing story:

When I was young and not marriedwe used to hang out in the localyard and play ‘Tikri’ (hopscotch)with our friends – there wereseven of us and now we are leftwith two living. There was no senseof boys and girls being separate weall played together. Education wasn’tabout getting the best grades orcoming first in class – it was simplyabout going to school.

I then got married, becoming theeldest daughter in law, leavingbehind the ‘Tikri’ to play housewifeto my husband and his family. Therewere many of us in the house sothere was a lot of work to do. We

all had cooking turns and thosethat weren’t cooking werelooking after the children ofthe cooks. Cooking wasn’tabout putting a bowl, spoonand cereal for breakfast it wasabout puris, parathas forbreakfast, a fully cooked lunch,followed by a light, but freshlyprepared dinner. Eating dinnerwas a social event; we would allgather on a mat on the floorand of us would sit with all thechildren and feed them withour hands.

Years went by and everyonedispersed into their own lives.

But the crux came when the eldersof the family passed away leavingbehind us youngsters to hold thefort. We moved into our own houseas did the others and I would say‘chapra parigya’ (the roof fell fromthe house).

Life went on and we travelled fromtown to town, the children goteducated wherever we lived, and asthey grew older we sent them toEngland for further studies. Therewere no phone calls to call them tofind out how they were, we just gota letter once in a while and ifsomeone was visiting England wewould get the ‘samachar’ (news).Once my children had settled intotheir lives I travelled visiting themnow and again but my base was myhome town Dar-es-salaam where Ilived comfortably enjoying themosque and revisiting my friends.

Nowadays, I see my grandchildrenlocked up in their room studyinginstead of cooking lunch at home!We start our day eating breakfast atrestaurants. I have to say myfavourite phrase now – time ismoney, life is busy! We have becomea culture of mixed marriages, mixedfood, mixed religions in fact we areall mixed up.

God has made me a ‘free bird’ withvery little responsibility. In fact,nowadays, all I do is travel and enjoylife with my children, grandchildrenand my great grandchildren.

So are we better off? We’ll I wouldsay ‘badhu sarkhu che’ (we are thesame), I still enjoy my life whateverthe situation but I’ve learnt to adaptto whatever Allah has blessed uswith. If you learnt to adapt youdon’t dwell on the past but look atthe fruits that have been sown forthe future.

Personal MomentsA Different Kind of

MarriageBy Salma Hooshmand

Yes, it was an arranged marriage.Kind of. Compared to today’sstandards, at least. Nearly thirteenyears ago, my East-African Khojaparents allowed me to spend onehour talking to my “khastgaar” asthey say in Farsi, “the one who ismaking a proposal.” I had seen himbefore, but never spoken to him.Needless to say, I was nervous…We covered various topics in thatone hour; we exchanged religiousideologies, thoughts on raisingchildren, our goals in life. I realisedthat he is a kind, intelligent man,who can make me laugh.Within a week, I had made mydecision. It didn’t even occur to meto ask for more meetings, to “get toknow him better”-there just didn’tseem to be anything more todiscuss. My parents approved ofhim, I liked his manners, I feltcomfortable in his company…I said“yes”!The first inkling that the differencesin our cultural backgrounds mightcause issues struck almostimmediately, while planning thewedding. I thought I hadpreemptively tackled any possibleissues by smartly declaring that Iwould wear a white wedding gownfor one occasion (a dream I hadsecretly harbored since childhood)and an Indian shararah for aanother occasion. If only it werethat simple. Iranian culture andKhoja culture, I would soon learn,are as different as chelo kabab andbiryani. There are differences ineverything from how soon thewedding should take place to thebride’s etiquette during thewedding ceremony.During the nine months we were

engaged, I learned alot about myhusband-to-be, andeven more aboutIranian culture. He,also, was educated inKhoja culture.However, I stronglybelieve that a greaterinfluence on our personalities’ thanwhere our parents come from isour “family culture”. The way yourfuture spouse was raised, thedynamics of family life, the dailyroutines; these are differences thatall couples need to reconcile with,regardless of their cultural ornational ties. Marriage, to an extent,is a culture shock for everyone; as Ilook back on those early days, it isdifficult to pinpoint which issuesthat were overcome stemmed fromour cultural backgrounds or ourfamily backgrounds.So, the wedding took place simply, inspite of the complications in itsplanning. Except for a few of theguests wondering why the bridewas so serious; and otherswondering why the groom’s familyrefused candy to be placed intotheir mouths by the in-laws, it wasas normal as any typical wedding.And so, our lives together began. Asthe years pass by, we becomecloser to each other, and culturehas become a blessing, rather than apoint of contention. Many peoplewonder, what type of food do youeat? Do your children wear ethnicoutfits? What language do yourchildren speak? What holidays doyou celebrate? They ask thesequestions very gravely, as thoughthe response is paramount to themeaningfulness of our lives. “We eatall types of food,” I answer, “Mexican,Chinese, American, Indian andIranian—I try to cook healthy foodfor my family. My daughter likes

spicy food, my son prefers milderfood…yes, my children wearshalwar khameez occasionally, sodoes my husband. The childrenspeak English mostly, but they alsospeak Farsi; my own Gujrati wasweak, and I haven’t been able toteach them much. I believe thatanyone who has the opportunity tolearn multiple languages should takeit, and I am lucky that I have learnedFarsi. We celebrate Islamicholidays…” Clothes, foods, evenholidays—these are not theelements that bring meaning intoone’s life. In a world with shrinkingboundaries, the ability to perceivefrom other points of view andempathise with our fellow humanbeings is what is most valued. Ourchildren’s life experience ispriceless; they have the benefit ofbeing exposed to two rich cultures,plus their own distinctively blendedculture. More importantly, they havegained a unique insight on life andbroad outlook on the world.

Marrying someone from a differentculture is not as alien as it oncewas; there are many couples fromvarious backgrounds who make thedecision to not only face thechallenges, but also benefit from theblessings of their differences. Life iscomplicated, but when I rememberthat initial one-hour encounterwith my future husband, I realisethat it’s actually as simple as a fewcommon goals, and the ability tolaugh together.

Travel FocusRecession proof holidays

(well almost!)

You’re probably really tired ofturning on the news and listeningto the grumpy financiers talkingabout the economic downturn aka‘the credit crunch’. And you’veprobably had conversations withyour husbands, children and friendson how you have to give up theluxuries of life. One thing you won’tneed to give up is travel – read ourguide to find out how to make yourmoney stretch when bookingholidays.

British BrillianceAsk your friends and relativesabout Dubai, Dar-es-Salaam, orDoha and they’ll be able to tell youfor hours on end what a wonderfulholiday they had. Ask them aboutthe West County, Wye Valley orWales they’ll smile and nod theirhead like a novice and talk about aschool field trip to Stevenage theyexperienced many years ago. Butrecord numbers of people areexpected to holiday at home thissummer boosting the British touristeconomy. Here are somesuggestions.

Isle of Wightwww.islandbreaks.co.ukIf you’re visiting family inPortsmouth its worth hopping onthe ferry to the Isle of Wight. Withits stunning scenery and serenity,setting foot on the island feels likeanother world, it has clifftopswhere you can view the beach

below and lookout for miles.Children will love the clean waterand sandy beaches. Don’t missQueen Victoria’s favorite seasidehome, the magnificent OsborneHouse, the flamingo park andopportunities to wind sail, windsurf and paraglide.

New Forest, Hampshirewww.thenewforest.co.ukIf beach relaxation isn’t your cup oftea then perhaps adventuringthrough New Forest is a moreappealing. Start by taking a carjourney through the forest. This is adelightful, stress-free animalspotting drive, with plenty ofopportunities to see the famousponies at close quarters andperhaps a few deer. As you wouldimagine the New Forest is aparadise for walkers and cyclistsalike with miles of splendid walksand traffic free cycle routes.Tourists to New Forestrecommend the New Forest safari,a visit to the motor museum atBeaulieu, a journey back in time tothe historical village of Buckler’sHard and there are plenty ofactivities like fishing, cycling andquad-biking for you to enjoy.

Stratford-Upon-Avonwww.stratford-upon-avon.co.ukIf you find all the walking tooenergetic then drive up toWarwickshire and experienceShakespeare’s County – Stratford-Upon-Avon. Set in the beautifulcountryside on the banks of RiverAvon, Stratford-Upon-Avon is apicturesque town where you canwonder round aimlessly. Obviously,

the mainattraction hereis Shakespeare’shouses and theparks and

gardens on the banks of the riverAvon.

Cheap flights and hotelsFare comparison sites have comeinto their own during the recession.Leave lastminute.com andExpedia.co.uk behind and cut thecost of your holiday with bytrawling through some alternativewebsites.

www.Kayak.com scans the web forlow-cost flights, comparing themajority of the world’s budget andfull-fare airlines along withwww.Skyscanner.net. Both also faretracker service which lets youchoose your route and wait for thebest prices to pop up.

The Flight Checker atwww.moneysavingexpert.comallows you to choose yourdestination first and find thecheapest dates for you to fly. It’sparticularly good for cheap travelaround Europe. Also check outwww.flycheapo.com, www.who-flies-where.com andwww.attitudetravel.com. However,be prepared to spend some timesearching for that perfectdestination and the right time!

If you’re looking for bargain hotelrooms around the world leavebehind Lateroom and Hotelclub andtry www.trivago.co.uk . They areknown for their cheapaccommodation. And if you don’tfind what you’re looking for atTrivago try www.hotelly.com whereyou can see videos of your roombefore you book. If you’re lookingfor a specific hotel then trywww.Hotelscombined.com.

And finally….after all this research Ifound flights to Barcelona onRyanair and 4* accommodation onhotelly for 2 adults and 1 child forunder £250.00. So once I finishwriting this article I shall be packingmy bags and catching a plane for myshort break.

Personal and SpiritualDevelopment

Mothers as LeadersBy Aarifa Suleman, Dubai,UAE

I believe that mothers are bornleaders and the well being of everyfamily is directly related to the wayin which she leads it. A mother canmake her home a haven for herchildren and her family dependingon how she leads.

Today, we are bringing up ageneration that is remarkablydifferent from past generations. Asmothers, I believe we must strive touphold the core values that weretaught to us by our parents andgrandparents if we are tosuccessfully lead our families on thepath of light as taught to us by theAhlul Bayt.

And it is this path, the path of theAhlul Bayt that is our greatestadvantage and tool as motherstoday. To take as a lesson from thepage of the Ahlul Bayt, Imam Ali hassaid the following on leadership:

“Whoever wants to be a leadershould educate himself beforeothers; Before preaching to others,he should first practice himself.”

We learn from this hadith that ourbiggest challenge is not only toteach Islam and its principles to ourchildren but it is in fact to practiceeverything that we preach andclaim to believe to the best of ourability. When we are able to bringour actions to this level theeffectiveness of our leadershipwithin our home will multiply andits effect will bemanifest in ourchildren.

It is very easyfor us to blamethe 21stcentury

environment for its negative impacton our children. However the erathat we live in is an era of choicesand the choices that our childrenmake on the outside are often theresult of foundations that are learnton the inside. In order to ensurethat our children make steadfastdecisions that are in accord withthe straight path it is necessary thatwe as parents educate ourselveswith as much knowledge of everykind, Islamic and secular so that wecan be their source of guidance.

I once read in a parenting book that“children are often exaggeratedversions of their parents,” and thisis something that I have personallyobserved time and time again! Itmeans that any time we have a vice,it appears as an exaggerated versionin them and any time we have agood quality it also appears in anexaggerated form in them. Asparents we are their foremost rolemodels and because we are closestto them, our actions, deeds, virtuesand knowledge carry a large weightin their upbringing and consequentfuture.

Imam Hassan (as) says in one hadiththat “good akhlaq with people is theheight of intelligence.” Therefore,instilling in our children the art ofgiving in every form, humility,manners, and in general teachingthem to

celebrate in everyone’s humanity isone of our primary responsibilities.As mothers, we must strive to makeour homes a haven for anyone whoresides within.

I have homeschooled my three kidsfor the past six years and it has givenme an excellent opportunity to knowmy kids better and tap theirmaximum potential. Although it is agreat responsibility on my shoulders,I feel privileged to have had theopportunity to balance my childrens’Islamic and secular education. Forexample when we were learningabout governing a country westudied a khutba of Imam Ali (as)from Nahjul Balagha. The khutbacontained the advice from the Imamto Malik e Ashtar when he wasappointed the ruler of Egypt. Thistype of practical implementation iswhat can drive home the beauty ofIslamic principles and their relevancein this day and age to our children.With a little extra time and effort,such connections are possible even ifyour children are not homeschooled.

May the Almighty help us all to lead alife which is totally submissive toAllah. May he also help us to keep thelight of Ahlul Bayt and his teachingalive.

Leadership can bethought of as a

capacity to defineoneself to others thatclarifies and expandsa vision of the future.

Edwin H. Friedman

Food FocusKids’ Snack and Lunches

Thinking of what to give our children for lunch isusually one of those things that mums are constantlysighing over – well, no more! ‘Healthy Eating - Kids’Snacks & Lunches’ is full of fresh ideas for schoollunches, after-school snacks your children can makethemselves, as well as meals that will appeal to thefussiest young eater. Here’s one of our favourites:

Pitta NachosServes 1

1 small wholemeal pita bread1 small tomato, chopped1 spring onion, chopped130g can corn kernels¼ cup grated low-fat cheese

1. Preheat oven to moderate 180°C. Split pitta bread inhalf, and cut into triangles roughly the size of cornchips. Arrange pitta chips on an oven tray, and cook forabout 7 minutes, or until crunchy. Remove from oventray; allow to cool.2. In a small bowl, combine tomato and spring onion.Drain corn into a strainer, and rinse under runningwater for 1 minute. Drain well and add to tomatomixture.3. Preheat grill. Place pitta chips on a bread-and-butterplate. Sprinkle grated cheese over chips. Put under grilland cook until cheese has melted. Remove from grill,pile tomato mixture onto centre of chips, and serveimmediately.

Product ReviewSanyo Xacti HD700 (Around £180.00)

You may find yourself complaining that you have to takea camera and a video camera wherever you go butSanyo have mastered the art of combining the two withtheir Sanyo Xacti range. There’s quite a few of them butrecently we bought the XactiHD700.

Equipped with 720p HD movie recording functionalityand a 7.1 Megapixel still image camera, this all in one iselegantly stylish and has an extremely slim body.

I’m used to carrying round a camera in my purse all thetime to record the treasured moments and this hasbeen replaced by my Sanyo Xacti which slightly biggerthan a camera and the same weight.

Sanyo Xacti cameras are based on the keyword‘Connect’, a concept of recording and then connectingthem straight to a PC, hard drive or DVD to share thegolden moments from everyday and saving them for thefuture. This means even your grandma can downloadthe pictures to view them.

The camera is fairly frugal when it comes to memoryand battery. Being an SD camera it’ll also take SDHCcards. I have an 8gb card in mine and it’s good for justunder 2 hours of HD footage, as is the battery, so itworks out quite well really.

Kid’s pageYou will need:• Strong card/foam sheets• Glue• Scissors• Self adhesive foam letters• Craft accessories (buy from pound shop or any craft shop likehobby craft)• Old magazines/birthday cards

Instructions:• Cut out the door hanger template and draw around the templateon strong brightly coloured card or foam sheets.• Cut the door hanger shape out of the card or foam sheet.• Cut out the Qur’an ayat and translation from the template andstick it on to your door hanger.• Decorate the door hanger however you like. Use the foam letters to write your name.You can cut out pictures from magazines or old birthday cards and stick them on too. Beas creative as you like. Use craft accessories like gems, sequins and glitter to jazz up yourhanger.

KidsCorner

Children’s Writing CompetitionLast issue, we asked your children to pick one personality from the Heroes of Kerbala, and write about them.Alhamdulillah, we had some excellent entries! Although it was very hard, the judges have picked the followingwinning entries:

Ages 5-7

Hazrat Abbas (as) by Abbasali Gulamhussein (6 yrs)

I am going to write about Hazrat Abbas. He was the flag bearer of Imam Husayn’s army. On the day of Ashura thechildren were thirsty and Bibi Sakina asked her best uncle to get water from the river Furat. Imam Husayn saidyes but said leave your sword with me. He reached the river but did not drink a drop because he knew thechildren and Imam were thirsty. When he was returning the enemies started to throw arrows and they cut offboth his hands. Hazrat Abbas held the mashk with his teeth. 1 man hit him on his head, all the water droppedand he fell off his horse. I have learnt 3 things from Hazrat Abbas. When you are thirsty or want something youalways have to think about other people first. Also if somebody wants you to help them and it’s a dangerousthing to do you always have to be brave and try your best. Also you must always respect and listen to your Imamlike if Imam e Zamana will ask me to come and fight with him I will never say no.

Ages 8-10

Hazrat Abbas (as) by Alijawad Ladak (8yrs old)

Hazrat Abbas (as) was a very kind person. He was a great defence and very brave. When Hazrat Abbas (as) sawthat even though no one wasallowed to get water, Hazrat Abbas was brave to go and try to get water for Bibi Sakina and the children. I feel sobrave when I hear this, I think no matter how hard something is I would always try to save Islam. He was verypatient and the greatest person that I have ever known. Did you know he even gave up his hands for the sake ofsaving Islam? I have learnt from one of the lectures that his arms will be replaced by special fantastic wings. He isone great true Muslim. When he went running to get water, he was really ready and killed 80 people. He has the“mashk” of water when soon his left arm was shot. His soul said keep going. When his right hand was cut off heheld the “mashk” with his teeth and when finally they shot an arrow in his eye he fell to the ground and calledfor Imam Hussein. Imam Hussein went rushing to him and Hazrat Abbas said “My Master, Fee Amaanillah.” ImamHussein said please call me your brother and Hazrat Abbas said “Khuda Hafiz.”

All the bravery Hazrat Abbas (as) has really helped me. I remember when I was younger my dad and mum wentfor Hajj and my nanima and nanabapa looked after us. When my parents came back from Hajj I fell ill and mycondition was not very good with all the pain I had, and that’s when I remembered Hazrat Abbas’ bravery whichreally helped me to hand on to the pain. I recited “Ash Shaafi” as many times as I could, and I was saying

“Assalaamu Alayka Ya Abul Fadhlil Abbas” and asked him tohelp me feel well again and he listened to me andAlhamdulillah here I am today.

Heroesof

Kerbala

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Muslim Mums Team

Fatema HajiFatema Gulamhusein

Shaheen MeraliSakina KermaliMariam Merali

Farhanaz MeraliAliya Gulmhusein

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