Leadership is TheatreBook by David M. Boje

Publisher: Tamaraland (Las Cruces, NM), 2005; 2007

Chapter 3: What has Birth Order got to do with Leader Traits?August 2000; Revised Aug 10, 2007

Note: this chapter is Part of FREE On line book: Leadership Out of The Box http://cbae.nmsu.edu/~dboje/388 On Line Leadership Textbook http://cbae.nmsu.edu/~dboje/388/Leadership_Theatre_book.htm

Pirate’s Island

ABSTRACTThis chapter is about leader traits in theatre of leadership. Pirate’s Island is where one recruits their traits as a leader. “Ye First Born?” In leader trait studies, first-born children are more often leaders. Parents expect them to lead the younger ones. In Part I I tell you a story about my birth order (good model for doing your story assignments). Part II, is summary of what are the predicted traits of only child, 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and last child in the birth order. Part III looks at ways to change the traits you are scripted to have by your family. Part IV applies birth order to Sam Walton (founder of Wal-Mart).

Warren Bennis, a leadership author says there is relationship between leaders and birth order.1 A number of other leader authors say the same thing about the effect of child-rearing practices and birth order on leaders (Bass, 1960; Bird, 1940; Stogdill, 1948, 1974).

We learn a life script, in our family. It is reinforced, or slightly modified in our education and our work career. Life scripts of first-born children differ from those of second, or third, or last born. Of course it all depends how you grew up, and how far apart in age you are. In organization, people script roles, leaders play roles scripted by the organization. The chapter begins with a story-example, then gives you some background of birth order traits. Keep in mind you can restory those traits whenever you make the choice to act differently.

All the world's a stage,And all the men and women merely players.They have their exits and their entrances;And one in his time plays many parts. . . . (Shakespeare’s As You Like It). 

The organization provides a splendid stage on which to perform birth-order scripts. Our birth order, without modification, can become a role we learn to play in organizations. The leader is also the director and an author of scripts that others are contracted (or otherwise influenced) to follow. Study your family script’s impact upon your life script. Compare the life scripts your parents had, and the one you grew up in. How did your leader traits get scripted? Did you learn to play a role, one you kept playing in your life? What were the turning points in their life?

1 More on Bennis and birth order http://www.pfdf.org/leaderbooks/l2l/spring99/bennis.html1

PART I: BOJE’S STORY EXAMPLE OF BIRTH ORDER – FRIST BORN

Note: This story is written as a scene-by-scene dialogue. It begins with some brief explicative narration, to set the stage. I wrote the story, and then made some ties to the chapter theme.

Question: What is effect of Birth-Order on leadership?

My traits as leader come from being first-born. I learned to be responsible at a very early age. I am first-born. My younger brother, by 4 years is named Steve. Then there is my youngest brother Kevin, and the youngest of the family, my sister Karen. When the family’s life script broke up, it affected my life-script.

SCENE 1: RISING ACTION: “The Discovery” (takes place in Paris, France. David is 14.David: “Steve, watch the house.”Steve (9 years old, 2nd born): “It’s all clear. I dare you to grab some smokes.”

As I (David), seated in the rear, (never one to turn down a dare) reached under the front seat of the Grey Peugeot Station Wagon. I pulled out a pack of Viceroys, from a carton.

David: “What is this photo?” I found it under the carton, under the seat. Steve: “Looks like the girl I saw dad talking to when I waited in the car after work. What do we

do?”David: “Give it to mom. She deserves to know.” (What game is this I am playing?)

I’ll skip the part where I give the photo to mom. Then, a few hours later Dad gives me what for, for messing up his life, and denies there is anything sinister to the photo. That Christmas, I get a 49cc motor-bike for my birthday. I ride it from Celle Saint Cloud (a suburb West of Paris) to the American School of Pairs (on Madame Du Barry’s property). Madame Du Barry was a French mistress of Louis XV of France, and was killed during the ‘Reign of Terror.’ I went to school at her Château de Louveciennes. She was beheaded by guillotine on Place de la Concorder on Dec 8 1793 (during French revolution).2

SCENE 2: CLIMAX: “The Break Up” (Still in Paris, France, in 1962)Mom: “What do you mean, I’m going home! Without you, with the four kids? You rotten b_ _ _

_ _ _! // (these // marks mean people talking at once, cutting each other off).

2 For more on Madame du Barry, see Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madame_du_Barry2

Dad: “I’ll be along, as soon as I get settled in Brazil. It’s a new assignment, and a promotion (he was a football player in high school, big-boned, a line-backer)//

Mom: “It’s that secretary, Jan is her name// (a basketball player in high school, known as the blonde bomber, Mom is pretty tough, herself). She picks up an end table and sends it crashing across the tile floor. [What game is this. Did he dare her to break it? I recall that he did]. The marble top (which weighed more than me) shatters into several thousand chunks.

Dad: “Go ahead break them all. Who cares, anyway?//Mom: “Fine!” She heads for the coffee table. [As she does this, I stare into the abyss, and I

remember Jan [the young secretary], how dad brought her to parties at the house, how I danced the Twist with her (Chubby Checker was all the rage then). There is lots of screaming and yelling, but all I can focus on is the broken marble, the splintered wood. I have my arm guarding my two brothers (Steve & Kevin) and my sister (Karen), keeping them back on the other side of the doorway, just off the living room. Karen, the youngest is still in diapers. Steve is 9; I’ m 14 years old. The living room is a mess, like a semi truck crashed into the living room. I can picture it still, to this day, just as it was then.

SCENE 3: FALLING ACTION: “The Motel” (Back to Spokane, Washington)Mom: “Watch them!” She is referring to the younger kids, as she goes into a motel room to call

our dad. She’s sure getting meaner, but it’s understandable. A lot on her mind; and, we’ve been in that room a few days. Each day there is a maddening call.

David: “No problem.” I pull out my camera. I’ve learned how to keep them busy. It’s the kind with a roll of film in it (before digital). I am also wearing a wind-up watch (got it at my confirmation; it’s gone now).

David: (to his siblings) “Stand here, in front of this motel room door.” The kids line up. They look up to me. I click the photo.

Dénouement (It means to unpack the meaning of the story scenes). I knew this was a time to be responsible, to take my position role as first-born. I grew up many years that moment I never want to forget that moment. Our lives had changed forever.

The marriage ended (about 1962) when Daniel (my dad, in his 30s) ran off with Jan (an English secretary, 18 years old, 4 years older than me). Jan was Daniel’s secretary for two years. Lorane (my mother, in her 30s) complained to SHAPE (Supreme Headquarters Allied Powers Europe) and to ITT (International Telephone & Telegraph). In those days corporations did not put up with such affairs. Of course it also meant no more alimony or child support payments (ever). Daniel had the family sent back to Spokane Washington, and after two payments stopped sending money, forcing the family onto

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welfare. And me, 14 years old (taking the above picture), went from being fairly rich in Paris to being poor and on welfare, in the states. I was on welfare, from ages 14 to 17, when I left home, and got a job at, changing tires at Montgomery Wards. I had worked before that, at age 14, at Krause’s greenhouse, in the field with a hoe.

CHAPTER APPLICATIONS of story to birth-order

1. Learning to Lead According to Alfred Adler, a neo-Freudian, the 1st born tells the young ones what to do. I am David Boje, and I was the first-born child to Loraine (Joyce Eaton) and Daniel Quentin Boje. Lorane (my mother) was stranded in Washington. My parents divorced when I was 14. Mom did not know how to drive, had to manage four kids. With a great deal of strength and fortitude she took care of her children. I mimicked that strength, and learned to take care of them too. That meant I had to become responsible, to take on dad-roles (hearing about household finances, getting a job to bring in money for the family), and take care of my younger brothers and sister, while she took the bus to hassle with the government. Believe me when I tell you, I had to learn to lead at a very young age. I was always expected to lead my two brothers and my sister. I have a talent for leading that is a direct result of all my childhood experiences, where my mom and my siblings expected me to lead.  And when I left home, those responsibilities fell to my brother Steve. To this day, I find leading just comes natural to me. Put me in the middle of chaos, in the most turbulent scene, and I’m ready to step up and take charge. It’s who I am.

2. Restorying an Old Script: Release Self-Blame and Replace with Forgiveness We moved from the rich life in Paris to welfare in Washington State. Lorane (my mother) had to cope with the welfare system, a town (Spokane) without friends. These are examples of stressful life events in my family experience that shaped my life script. For example, in scene one, I found Jan’s photo and gave it to my mom. Was this snitching? Or was it answerability? Answerability comes from the work of Mikhail Bakhtin (1990, 1991). Answerability is when you realize, you are compelled to act. You are the one person in that moment who can make a difference. For many years, I plamed myself for scene two (the break up of the marriage) thinking it was because I had given the photo to my mom. Now I realize, that marriage was doomed from many years, and there had been violent quarrels often, all the years I had grown up. I forgave God, my parents, and myself. Took a few decades, but it was worth it. Did it by restorying the old script, learning that kids often feel they are responsible or to blame for divorce, and they are not. A script is a kind of game we learn to play, what Berne (1964: 48) defines as “an ongoing series of complementary ulterior transactions progressing to a well-defined, predictable outcome.” Breaking furniture, yelling and screaming in a violent manner, in a marriage (or any relationship), have predictable outcomes (pain, divorce, rage, anger, resentment, unforgiveness). Each script (game) has its “snare” an ulterior motive, something in the conflict, one or both parties wants to happen in a transaction (e.g. a chance to express rage, or a chance to give in, or a chance to get even). The problem with old scripts, is many of them are con games, ways to get your way that are unhealthy to one or both parties. The self-blame con is pretty common script (game) people play, parents play it out on themselves, and then on their children, and unchanged (not restoried), it’s played out one generation after another. E.G. IWFY – If Weren’t For You, is a game where the husband or wife says, IWFY and runs their life of blame.

3. Release and Replace Old Traits for New Traits: There was a time when my dad drank a lot, and a time when my mother hit the tranquilizers. The youngest (last-born), my sister lives not too far from our mother, who lived next to her sister in a trailer (the two fought since they were kids, because of a divorce). It's all about life script, and repeating a script. My brothers have been on drugs for many years, and my sister married and divorced a (recovered) alcoholic. Steve (2nd oldest) has been fighting heroine addiction for over 20 years (he died in July 2007, in Manhattan). Good news, I found out after he died (no contact for 10 years), he had gotten off heroine, and was in charge of a feed the homeless program at a church; hundreds turned out for

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his funeral. Kevin the youngest brother is currently recovered (AA) managing buildings in Seattle. Karen (youngest of the 4 of us) now runs AA meetings. None of us drink anymore; too risky (got addictive genes).  I drank a six-pack a day, in college, and since about 1994, have not had a drop. My Dad died last March 12, 2002. I learned to forgive him, for falling in love with Jan, for taking off. I learned his side of the story. We grew quite close, in his final years. So it is possible, as Eric Berne (1964, Games People Play) tells us, to change a life script, to exercise forgiveness, and to release some traits (drinking) and replace them with some new ones.

PART II: What is the Relationship between Leadership and Birth Order of you in your family?

Our birth order and personality traits as they shape the way we cope and interact and develop as leaders.  You can write a story about your own family and a situation of conflict that involves you and yours (if only child you and your parents).  Then in the application of references, you can look at how similar or different you are to the Birth Order of the Leader you are studying. 

Birth Order Definition: “Birth order” refers to whether we were perhaps the first child born in a family or maybe one of many, or maybe even the last. Many researchers think that where we are in relationship to our brothers and sisters helps influence how we develop. Thinking about birth order is one way we get some good clues as to why we are the way we are. Of course, there is no way to always accurately predict how one person may turn out — we are all too different, complex, and unique. Source University of Maine Coop Extension3

We learn our Life Script in our family situation. 

Our parents, our grandparents, uncles, aunts, and our friends and siblings -- they all enroll us into a life script.  We learn to play a scripted role that meshes with the roles of the other family members. We there is one smart child, and then we learn not to compete with them and play a different strength (e.g. creative artist). Or we compete head on, mimic same talent, and all kinds of sibling rivalry results. Or second born will pick a different area in which to excel.

DEFINITION: Life Script

Eric Berne (1964), author of Games People Play, says we write a life narrative (or script) for ourselves with a Beginning, Middle, and End. I abbreviate this to BME narrative. A BME narrative, such as Boje’s family break-up, becomes a guide for future choices, such as friends, partners, and even our occupation. We recruit people into our lives so we can act out the BME narrative, learned as a child, over and over as we get older. I divorced, so did my two brothers, and my sister. Our BME narrative becomes our survival strategy. It’s good to write out our early BME narratives. They tell us how we ‘set ourselves up’ to keep reenacting the same life script (for more on this topic, see (Cheshire Therapy web site).4

We reenact a BME script, learned in our childhood, to re-live the ‘strokes’, those emotional events that branded our makeup. The problem is when the script becomes, not a survival

3 Marine Corps view on birth order http://www.umext.maine.edu/onlinepubs/htmpubs/4359.htm4 For more on Parent-Adult-Child and Eric Berne’s Life Script, do web search. E.g. Cheshire Therapy Web site Accessed Sep 4 2005 http://www.cheshire-therapy.co.uk/

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game, but an entire way of life. This can mean setting ourselves up to keep reenacting a BME over and over (when we don’t need it to survive).

Your life script develops from an early age. Parents tell you “be seen, not heard” or “you are the most precious gift in the world.” Your birth order has a guiding impact upon your leader behavior. Parents treat kids differently. Brothers and sisters take on roles, leaving the next born fewer options. Parents expect firstborns to take care of the younger ones, to watch out for them. Sometimes standards change, and the last-born do not have such responsibilities. What follows next are guides, not molded in stone. Each family is different. We will look at the birth-order traits, and then in the following section suggest ways you can change traits, and write your own story, become whatever leader you desire to be.

SCRIPTS OF BIRTH ORDER

This section is a distillation of insights from several available web resources. E.G. Alfred Adler, a neo-Freudian argues, “Each child is born on a different theatrical ‘stage. We learn inthe family home, to perform a ‘script’ with the help of parents who try to direct the play” (Birth Order Forum).5

The Medicine Net Website (with article by Cynthia Hanes) tells you about traits of birth order, based on Eckstein as well as Adler’s work.6 There is a birth order chart of child character traits at (Child Development Info web site).7 If you want to do this before reading about it, stop here, and take the Birth Order Quiz (its short, at Patacake.com).8  Or take the TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS: A LIFE SCRIPT QUESTIONNAIRE (Charles Thompson).9 I will summarize here, what these sites have to say (caution, these are guides, and each family is different; you can change a script).

Only-Childs Only Child can feel quite pampered and spoiled. They get lots of attention, and can be treated by parents as the ‘little adult.’ May feel incompetent because adults always are more capable. Yet, they have the center of attention in the family, and enjoy it. They seek that center, and can become, you guessed it, ‘self-centered.’ They rely on others, rather than their own efforts (may not learn to do the most simple tasks). When they don’t get their way, only-childs can feel very unfairly treated. They may refuse to cooperate, and play divide and conquer games, similar to how they manipulated their parents. If child reels parents are just too competent, they may elect to have only role left, and be incompetent or too overly self-critical to try. Kristen Collett finds in a study, "only children exhibit seven characteristics that are representative of leadership. Research will also explore if these children possess these qualities as a result of birth order or because of a variety of independent reasons, such a parenting style, education, and environment." (The Relationship Between Leadership Qualities of Only Children).10 In what follows, if there is a gap of five or more years, then that child can be just like the only child.

First Borns Firstborns, in the small family, or those who are the only child for a long period of time, are also used to being the center of attention. They tend to be high achievers, perfectionists, and natural leaders. They get real comfortable with predictable routines and structures.11 As perfectionists they can be quite critical of self and others, and feel responsible for everything. When

5 Birth Order Forum http://inst.santafe.cc.fl.us/~mwehr/genpsyc/FMBirOrd.html6 See Medicine Net for more on Birth Order Traits http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=519287 See summary chart at Birth Development website http://www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/development/birth_order.htm8 Patacake.com Birth Order on line quiz http://patacake.com/Parents/birthorderquiz.htm and see summary of birth order traits at http://patacake.com/Parents/birthorder.htm9 Thomas questionnaire on life script (some terms undefined) http://web.utk.edu/~thompson/ta.html10 Karen Colletti’s abstract is available at http://cas.bellarmine.edu/chemistry/RW/kc.doc11 Are you a perfectionist? It could have something to do with birth order http://www.brown.edu/Students/Catalyst/fall2001articles/features/roman-birthorder.html

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parents are over-critical, then the first-born feels inferior. If nurtured, and given high expectations, the firstborn becomes the achiever, perfectionist. They want to focus of attention to remain on them, especially when the second-born enters the family stage. The second born is competitive, and struggles with the first-born for the family spotlight. The firstborn becomes vocal, telling the second-born what to do, how to do it. First-born keeps trying to regain parent’s attention (from 2nd boarns and all other borns) by engaging in conformity to parent’s wishes. Or, will become the most competent child, the most responsible. A recent book by Frank J. Sulloway, argues in a book called, Born to Rebel : Birth Order, Family Dynamics, and Creative Lives, that “firstborn children identify more strongly with power and authority and are more conforming, conventional and defensive, whereas younger siblings are more adventurous, rebellious and inclined to question the status quo.”12

If the competent at power and authority route does not work out, then the 1st born acts out, misbehaves. First born will try to protect and help the other children, as long as they do not steal center stage. First borns are people-pleasers (parent-pleasers). There are gender differences to consider, such as between firstborn sons and daughters.13 Firstborn sons expect to work with the father, to provide for the family, or be seen as the one who will inherit the family ranch, or take over the business. This happened to me: my dad invented the trash compactor business, and I came out of the Army, entered the Business college expecting to take over the family business. Problem was it was bankrupt within one year, so I just stayed at university (still there). An eldest daughter is too often expected to run the household, to care for younger kids, and do all the motherly tasks, like sweing and cooking. Sometimes they get to inherit the family fortune. Two-thirds of entrepreneurs (&those in Who’s Who) are firstborns. Presidents Truman, Johnson, Carter and Geoge W. Bush are first borns. So are entertainment personalities Bill Cosby, Geraldo Rivera, and Oprah Winfrey. Jackie Onassis is firstborn.

Second Borns Never has parent’s undivided attention. Firstborn grabbed the good role (or became the bad role), so must either compete, or second born picks the opposite role. So second will develop personality traits different than the firstborn (or feel they just don’t belong, cannot fit in). That means the second is constantly competing with the firstborn So if the oldest is into routine, then the second will be flexible. If eldest is extroverted, the second will be introverted, etc. Second born and firstborn compete for parents’ attention and affection. If the older child is good in school (the pace setter), the second one goofs off (or just the opposite). One will choose one sport, and the other a different sport (or no sports at all). Sometimes, second born is competitive and tries to overtake the first child, by developing abilities firstborn did not manifest. If first child is the people-pleaser, second child becomes the rebel (or vice versa). This gets the second-born onto center stage where the parents do applaud. When a third child is born, the second one can feel quite squeezed. May push down third and other siblings, even harder than the first pushed them. David Letterman and Donald Trump are second-borns.

Third Borns (Middle Child) Being middle child means not having leader rights of olders or the privileges granted to the youngest (third born). Third born and first will ally against the middle child Life is just so unfair to the middles (all sandwiched-in). They can feel unloved, more ‘squeezed’ out than the second-born. Family stage is too full already; no place to stand, or they get lost in the crowd or just leave the stage altogether. Often, they just can find no traits left to emulate, no place at all. When that happens, they become the problem child, trying to push out the other siblings from the ‘rebel’ throne. On the plus side, middles are able to adapt, to deal with the older and younger siblings. Second child keeps teasing the third (to pass along their own inadequacies). Like the second

12 See Amazon.com for this book http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0679758763/103-6436436-1281425?v=glance13 For Son and Daughter differences of 1st born, see http://www.ancestry.com/library/view/columns/george/2453.asp 

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child, the third can be flexible, diplomatic, generous, and even outgoing (if that gets them the stage. If all else fails, be competitive. If that does not work, just leave. Third (or youngest) will ally with eldest to take out the middle.

Last Borns (Youngest Child). In huge families, the dynamics start over, behaving like the only child (on their own). Others just won’t play with them, so the young ones become the risk-takers, more outgoing. And to them older siblings are just more parents: all of them are bigger and more capable. But by this time everyone is tired of playing the parent game, and they just forget to watch and discipling the last-born. Still everyone is there do things for them, to make the decisions, to take responsibility. No one is really pushing them to achieve, so the youngest learns to play weakest and smallest, does not have to be a high-achiever, and learns not to be taken seriously. So why not just relax and enjoy? Or be the comedian ( a way to get attention). Yet, the youngest expects service, and to have their own way. They learn to question authority, to demand things. See that they are so far behind all the accomplishments of all the older siblings; they get speedy, and make the big plans to get to the top quicker (to overcome inferiority feelings), but the plans often don’t work out. Still they remain the ‘baby’ till they can become the boss of everyone. Or just stay in the baby role forever (do more manipulative gaiming, with more psychiatric disorders, and prone to substance abuse). Ross Perot, Goldie Hawn, Jim Carrey, Jay Leno, Katie Couric, and Billy Crystal are last-borns.

PART III: HOW TO CHANGE YOUR BIRTH ORDER TRAITS?

Restorying It is possible to restory your birth order scripts. To restory is to examine your birth order leader traits, the ones you learned to enact in your family. This is the first step in getting to what I call storyability. Not every event in your life is storyable. Sometimes you just keep enacting scripts, without having willful storyable control over them.

Life Script Rap Song (by Edward Ian Armchair, 2002)14

Try to change you life script,If you know your faults,If you know your feelingsIf you know it's false.

Don't you know your life script,Pre-determined acts,It is your suppressorPre-arranged facts.

Let's have a new beginning,Simply plan our lives,That way there is no problem,Developing our minds.

STORYABILITY IS NOT SAME AS RE-ENACTMENT Here is a bit of story theory. Storyability, means the ability to story events into experience. Storyability is the ability to shape events into memory (to remember events differently). To story means to take charge

14 Armstrong’s Life Script Rap Poem at http://www.eddiearmchair.com/armchair/songs/reliants1/life_script.html8

of a reenactment, to change the story (to restory) so that we shape events (reenacted over and over) into a new script, and into an experience. Storyabiity theory is that events just get reeanacted (re-lived moments of emotional trauma), but in story, we willfully shape events into experience. Without story, there is no experience, only more reenactment. In reenactment we re-live the moments. I relive a 14 year old’s remembrances of marble furniture breaking (divorce, then welfare), over and over, until such time, as I story those events into experience, into wisdom. That is what it mean to say that reenactment of BME trauma, just sets us up to maintain a problematic life script. We can choose to story those events, to see them through a lens of wisdom and maturity. We can change our life script.

Trauma and Reenactment Under times of stress, even after restorying a childhood trauma, we may revert to the ‘strokes’ that helped us survive as a child. For example, as a welfare child, I learned people treat you like ‘dirt.’ I got a chip on my shoulder the size of Mount Rushmore. When stressed, that chip sits on my shoulder, and I will react to it. When relaxed, there is no chip. I can restory this. I can shrink Mount Rushmore to the size of a kid’s marble. I can release the chip on my shoulder and replace it with wisdom. For example, being on welfare, I learned how the government and society treats its poor. I would later do volunteer work in South Central Los Angeles, in public housing, in one of the world’s largest welfare communities, helping mothers and children do economic development (between 1988 and 1996).

How does one Restory a life script?

Example: John Davison Rockefeller (1839-1937) Born into a family where a devout Baptist mother sheltered her children from their abusive bigamist father, John Davison Rockefeller learned to bear responsibility at an early age (Source).  JDR had a younger brother named William. 

Parents : William Avery Rockefeller and Eliza DavisonMarried : Laura Celestia SpelmanChildern : Elizabeth "Bessie" (Rockefeller) Strong    Alta (Rockefeller) Prentice    Edith (Rockefeller) McCormick     John Davison Rockefeller Jr.

John Davison Rockefeller 3rd was born in New York City on March 21, 1906, the eldest son of John D. Rockefeller, Jr., and Abby Aldrich Rockefeller. He was the brother of Abby Mauze, and Nelson, Laurance, David, and Winthrop Rockefeller (source). "In December 1929, Rockefeller, who had been reared to assume the lead role in his generation's philanthropic endeavors, began working in his father's office at 26 Broadway in New York City." John D. Rockefeller, Jr. was father of David, Nelson, and John D. Rockefeller III (source). 

We become mired in life scripts that hold us back from reaching our leadership potential. We work in life scripts scripted by others around us. How do we restory our life script?

Table 1 Life Script Diagnosis

SCRIPTS (GAMES) EXAMPLES from Personal Experience

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1.      What are your Birth Order Scripts?

 

2.      What are the positive outcomes of the Birth Order scripts for leadership?

 

3.      What script changes do you want to make to improve leadership?

 

One approach to life script diagnosis is to engage in prayer and/or meditation.

Life Script Mediation Exercise (Hypnoticworld.com)15 – They have a meditation exercise to help you reflect upon your life script. They regress you back to your birth, so you can reflect on your life script, and if you like, you can reflect back to past-life-scripts. The premise is, here-and-now, we are ad-libbing, not only the present life script, but are affected by life scripts of past lives. Some spiritualities believe in living many lives, until we learn our lessons. The good news is we can change our life script. This meditation gets you to reflect upon how to rewrite your life script, noting the lessons learned and not yet mastered. Lessons needing to be learned are carried forward from one life to the next. Nietzsche called this the Eternal Return. Jains (India religion) believe in living many lives. The idea of the meditation is to become master of your life script, to learn the lessons, and write your own plot. It also relates to defining the traits that stem from lessons learned, and releasing any traits remaining from lessons not learned in this life of the last ones. I happen to be Catholic, living one life, but also Jain, believing in the eternal cycle of many past lives; and practice Native (American, Danish-Viking, & Scottish) ancestral traditions that come from many generations ago. You can reflect upon life script from whatever your own spirit paths you are into.

Another approach is to sit down and write a story journal. Record stories of your life script. Record stories of events that provided you lessons. And stories of traits you have now as a leaders (positive & negative ones).

You can also look at restorying your life script story. Table 2 gives you 7 steps, with some questions to fill-in. It is a self-assessment.

Table 2 Restorying Methodology from Boje & Rosile 16

15 Hynoticworld.com for the past life regression meditation see http://hypnoticworld.com/regression_pastlife/life_script.asp16 Source: Rosile, Grace Ann and David M. Boje (2002b). Restorying and postmodern organization theatre: Consultation to the Storytelling Organization. Chapter 15, pp. 270-289. In Ronald R. Sims (Ed.) Changing the Way we Manage Change. Westport CONN: Quorum Books.Also see Boje & Rosile’s 2002 Metatheatre book http://business.nmsu.edu/%7Edboje/theatrics/manual/CH07 METATHEATRE INTERVENTION TOOLS.DOC

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Seven Steps for Restorying Questions

1.      Characterize – Describe the life script at its best, as if it were functioning perfectly and living up to all ideals

Write example here:

2.     Externalize the problem –What problems does your life script create? (Separate problematic life script from you as a person; Problem becomes its own story character)

Steps:

·        The problem is the problem, not you

·        Make the problem into a character (“overwork”) that the person, as character, can affect 

3.     Sympathize – What benefits does this life script (game) derive? E.g. it’s a way of surviving; it served a purpose in the day

Study the construction of dualisms (right/wrong; us/them; me/them, etc) – how they are two sides of the same coin.

4.      Revise (Commitment to Change) – Explain the ways in which this life script has had negative effects. Would people really like to be rid of this life script Why?

·        Disadvantages of the life script.

5.      Strategize (Unique Outcome)  - Tell about a time when there was a “unique outcome,” when this life script was not as strong or when it was completely eliminated.

·      Realize that multiple stories and outcomes are possible.

·        Expand the alternative story – what thoughts and feelings, what happened before, after?

6.      Re-historicize (Restory) - Take the unique outcome and instead of it being the exception, make it the rule, the NEW story.  What

·        Choose the preferred new “story.”

·        Choose the past “unique outcomes” that support it?

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evidence is there to support this “alternative” story?

7.      Publicize  - Who would say they could already see the basis for, or that they would support, this new story? Enlist the support of other stakeholders to ensure continuing success?

·        Stakeholder letters to recognize and encourage the storytellers’ efforts.

·        Provide tangible evidence of support and interest. 

Source: Rosile, Grace Ann and David M. Boje (2002b). Restorying and postmodern organization theatre: Consultation to the Storytelling Organization. Chapter 15, pp. 270-289. In Ronald R. Sims (Ed.) Changing the Way we Manage Change. Westport CONN: Quorum Books.

For a biblical view of changing life scripts, see Sherri Langton’s web site.17 Langton’s view, like that of Boje and Rosile, is that there are positive and negative life scripts.

Positive Life Scripts - Many people derive positive leader traits from their birth order, and family experiences. Parents who are loving, caring, and have spent time helping each child realize a positive relation to their brothers and sisters are to be applauded. Their work as parents helps to boost slef esteem, and crate positive self- image (Langton, para). Teachers and f riends who help you find a positive life script are also helpful.

Negative Life Scripts - Eric Berne (1962), emphasizes the negative life scripting. In many families there are abusive verbal games, as well as physical abuse. Often in a family, parents can only give limited attention to children. Many children did not find positive teachers or many friends to help them restory, and gain willful control over negative life scripts. Eric Berne also wanted to help people develop positive life scripts. A positive life script develops our capacity for intimacy and spontaneity. We do not have to follow the life scripts that were handed to us.18 For more degrees of negative life scripts see Fontiernet.net.19 The idea is the negative scripts we wrote in our childhood, we not act in (like a play) in our adulthood. Some of these scripts are conscious (we can story them). Others operate at a more unconscious level of awareness. We re-enact the scripts, and get into the same problems (or successes) over and over again, but are not aware of the script (game). The premise is that by becoming more aware of our traits, tracing these into our life scripts, we can begin to redesign (reauthor) our scripts, and exhibit different traits as leaders.

CONCLUSIONS ABOUT BIRTH ORDER TRAITS

There are formative (sometimes traumatic) life events that we “spin” into stories that shape our identity (traits). At an unconscious level, we have scripts, whose story we have not bothered to formulate at a conscious level (or its still to raw). In such cases we reenact a script, over and over, without changes. We just reenact (r re-create) the emotion, trauma, and act out the scripts. It is possible to engage in meditation, or journaling, and to be more conscious about the scripts we reenact. We can also restory events into a new life script, and thereby create new identity, and

17 Sheri Langton’s website at http://www.cog7.org/BA/NowWhat/Articles/PersonalStruggles/YourLife.html18 For more on Berne, see http://www.uktherapists.com/articles/lifestream/2000/2/04.htm19 Fnontiernet.net, a counseling service: http://www.frontiernet.net/~lscriptc/ls1.htm

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new traits (behavior ones). We can therefore write a new plot for our lives. We can become leaders quite different than our family prescribed.

Our storied memory of the past, is subject to spin. We story events into experience and remember in them in particular ways. There are alwys other ways of storying and restorying events. There is always more than one side to a story. We gain wisdom when we willfully story our life story in ways that are Growthful and healthy, for our selves and for others.

We learn to script our lives at an early age. Some believe, we are scripted by past lives. Others believe that when we are born, and find other siblings there (or not), and based upon parental expectations, we fall into roles. Sometimes those life script roles are rather constraining. We are left to exhibit traits that we may want to reconsider as we grow up, go to college, and develop our careers. Some people never do. They fall into a life script rut and never crawl out.

PART IV: RELATING BIRTH ORDER TO XYZ

Figure 1: The XYZ In the Box Model of Leadership

The XYZ model has three dimensions, each of which relates to birth order.

XYZ LEADERSHIP

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Towards a Network Theory of Leadership

I did my dissertation on the centrality of organizations and leaders in various interorganizational networks, such as communication, resource, and reputation (Boje, 1979a). Along with David Whetten, we posited that leadership takes place in an interorganizational field of strategies and environmental constraints (Boje, 1979b,1999a; Boje & Whetten, 1989; Boje, White & Wolfe, 1994).  

    Since then, I have looked at how change and transformation takes place in transorganizational networks (Boje & Wolfe, 1980). The field of transorganizational development theory and praxis was first appraised in a seminal article by Culbert, Elden, McWhinney, Schmidt, & Bob Tannenbaum (1972). For a more recent review, see the Transorganizational Development Web Site). 

I will review a three-dimensional model of transorganizational network leadership. 

    X - Dimension - As an overview, George MacGregor Burns (1978) based his classic study of leadership on Kohlberg's levels of moral thinking to differentiate between transactional and transformational leadership (Dimension X). Burns looked at modal thinking (the means over ends reasoning) in the early stages of development and held these leaders to be "transactional."  Transactional leadership "requires a shrewd eye for opportunity, a good hand at bargaining, persuading, reciprocating" (Burns, 1978:169). A "transformational leader," on the other hand, "recognizes and exploits an existing need or demand of a potential follower... (and) looks for potential motives in followers, seeks to satisfy higher needs, and engages the full person of the follower" (p. 4). 

    Y - Dimension - The Y Dimension extends from Will to Serve (WTS) to Will to Power (WTP). Nietzsche's notebooks (1967) on Will to Power (WTP) were written from1883 to 1888. The transaction/ transformational leadership theorists reject the WTP bas being too immoral, merely a brutish self-indulgent or tyrannical power wielding that is immoral. But, a more careful reading of Nietzsche reveals quite a different approach to both leadership and the study of morals.  The WTP for Nietzsche has something to do with the will to initiate and implement a goal as well as the more macro construct of Darwin's theory of natural section, the power to transform the inherited advantages from generation to generation (WTP #362). And WTP is also a Will to Truth (TSZ, pp. 28, 113). For Nietzsche the world revolves around the inventor of new social and cultural values (TSZ, p. 52). Nike is a Superman leader, extending its power from cultural transformation through celebrity and star power to the factories and sweatshops of the Third World nations. The WTP is a will to overcome the small people, "they are the superman's greatest danger" (TSZ, p. 287). And the superleader is not satisfied with the happiness of the greatest number of workers or consumers (TSZ, p. 287). The Super leaders sees the abyss with the eyes of an eagle and grasps the abyss of poverty and misery with the talons of an eagle (TSZ, p. 288). 

In my multi-dimensional view, there are three critical dimensions. For simplicity, I will label them X, Y, and Z.

X - Transactional to transformational leadership, as studied by Burns (1978) and Bass (1985).

Y - From the Will to Server to the Nietzschean Will to Power. The Will to Power is specifically excluded from transaction and transformational leader theory by both Burns and Bass. I therefore treat it as a second dimension of leadership (See Boje, 2000b) for an overview..

Z - From monophonic (single voice) narrative to (polyphonic) narrative. I am interested in the 14

Tamara (Boje, 1995) of storytelling behaviors of transorganizational leadership (Boje, 1999a). 

X Dimension runs from Transactional to transformational leadership, as studied by Burns (1978) and Bass (1985). We learn our first transactions as children. We learn to be in child, adult, or parent role. When the roles of behavior are aligned, all is well. When we want to be adult and parents expect the child role, then we are not aligned, and conflict brews.

Transactional leadership "requires a shrewd eye for opportunity, a good hand at bargaining, persuading, reciprocating" (Burns, 1978:169). We are rewarded for obeying our parents, for behaving the way they want. And rewards are doled out for this: staying up later, getting a gift we wanted, etc.

A "transformational parent," on the other hand, "recognizes and exploits an existing need or demand of a potential follower... (and) looks for potential motives in followers, seeks to satisfy higher needs, and engages the full person of the follower" (Burns, 1978: p. 4). Eventually transformational leaders were thought to engage in behaviors that changed the game, even changed the world. In parent-adult-child terms, the game changes when we learn to parent ourselves, to reward our own behavior, to find independence.

In the Leadership is Theatre approach, leader behaviors are viewed as plots (grasping together characters, behaviors, and events). This is explained in the Myers-Briggs Study Guide (on line). The Birth Order implication is that while we are socialized into traits and behavior patterns, these are changeable. We can learn new plots.

Y Dimension - From the Will to Serve to the Nietzschean Will to Power. Again, is this one dimension or two? The Will to Power is specifically excluded from transaction and transformational leader theory by both Burns and Bass. I therefore treat it as a second dimension of leadership.  It is quite silly study leadership as just a well to serve; many leaders pursue power, some are able to do good things with it, others are swallowed by power.

We learn our will to power and our will to serve in our family life. It gets reinforced in school and takes root as we grow. What is apparent in Birth Order is we learn to specialize in roles. If first born chooses one kind of will, say power, the other children choose serve.

Nietzsche wrote about Will-to-Power (WTP) and Thus Spoke Zarathustra (TSZ) as having something to do with the will to initiate and implement a goal as well as the more macro construct of Darwin's theory of natural section, the power to transform the inherited advantages from generation to generation (WTP #362). So from one generation of our family Birth Order scripting to the next, there is a kind of selection going on. WTP is also a Will to Truth (TSZ, pp. 28, 113). Part of WTP is to get at what is running scripts. The WTP is a will to overcome the small people, "they are the superman's greatest danger" (TSZ, p. 287). And the superleader is not satisfied with the happiness of the greatest number of workers or consumers (TSZ, p. 287). The Super leaders sees the abyss with the eyes of an eagle and grasps the abyss of poverty and misery with the talons of an eagle (TSZ, p. 288).

Z Dimension  - Participation is from monophonic (single voice) to (polyphonic) involvement in leadership. As children, parent may tell us, “be seen and not heard.” Or they may treat us like little adults, and expect us to speak. Some leaders cultivate one voice, usually their own. Other leaders are more pluralistic, able to create polyphonic and more participative leadership (like everyone around them to honestly voice). 

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First Voice - there was one voice -In bureaucratic theater, there is mostly monologue. In bureaucratic leadership, for example, there is mostly monologue; other voices are there on the stage but forbidden to speak, or they can only be whispered, their words unhearable, drowned out by the one official narrator who is authorized to take center-stage and speak and speak some more.  As Kirkeby (2000: 232) argues it is the right of power to narrate events, to declare them romantic, tragic, comedic, or ironic, and then of course make them all into a romantic narratives that fits the bureaucratic pension for monophonic (single voiced) influence.   For any other voice to speak would be an act of bureaucratic espionage; certainly for the secretary to speak would be unthinkable rebellion. Bureaucracy is notoriously top-down, single voice, everyone else just mimics.

Second Voice - there were two voices - In the Quest Frame, two or more players take the stage, but it is rarely more than dialogue. In dialogue the "I" and the "Other" take the stage and we hear voices, but little reflexivity occurs. It is no longer the monologue of the I declaring the Other as villain. The Other gets to speak and be heard by the 'I." Children get treated as an Other. We encounter many others, be they by gender, race, ethnicity, age, nationality, etc. Quest is to try to change the Other, to make them like us. But in leadership, when one can hear the logic, perspective, or voice of the Other, they are ahead of the game. They take the first step towards reflexivity. We pick up our first prejudices and stereotypes in the family, growing up. The Quest can be about transcending them.

Third Voice - there were three voices – This third is where reflexivity has its own voice. To me, this voice that Kirkeby (2000) describes is the same one discovered long ago by Adam Smith. Smith looked at global capitalism and say that without ethics events might well follow a logic of the market place that would not lead to ethical relations among buyer and seller, employer and employed, monopolist and entrepreneur. It is the internal spectator, the voice that speaks to us while observing the First and Second (the I and the Other) rehearse there dialogue on the stage in our mind's eye. And in this model, even two actors on the stage visualize the dialogue of the Triad in their own head, but as well in the head of the other. This ethical voice, they say is learned at our mother’s knee, or perhaps in talks with our father. It gets internalized, and we go through life with this third voice, interaction with the others.

Fourth Voice - then there were four voices - This is a very special voice, one we sense is about to speak but does not, one that is on the stage but stays in the shadows. In the Fourth, "the event is never over and done with" (Kirkeby, 2000: 237). And with the about to speak voice of the Fourth, we are intuitively aware of the simulation [Spectacle] and almost can hear the polyphony of voices, a mob about to take storm the stage. We may hear a groan, a murmur, a mumbling sound, but we can never quite make out the words. We can sense somehow the bureaucratic machine, the quest journey, and even chaos itself are just mythic metaphors some people have speculated and articulated about the web of human events (web is yet another one, as it theater a metaphor). We sense the gap, and we know with one more step we will certainly fall into chaos. See Boje (2000c) for more on the multiple voices of leadership. As my friend Gephart puts it, who speaks for the trees? As leaders, there are people, animals, trees, etc that have no voice, and we take on the role of speaking for them. But this requires an ability to listen, to observe, the tune in ways that we may have learned in the family, or it can be something we learn to do, after we leave.

 

References

Bakhtin, M. M. 1990. Art and Answerability. Editied by Michael Holquist & Vadim Liapunov. Translation and Notes by Vadim Liapunov; supplement translated by Kenneth Brostrom.

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Austin, TX: University of Texas Press.  From Bakhtin’s first published article and his early 1920s notebooks

Bakhtin, M. M. 1991. Toward a Philosophy of the Act. Translation and Notes by Vadim Liapunov. Edited by Michael Holquist & Vadim Liapunov. Austin, TX: University of Texas Press. From Bakhtin’s early 1920s notebooks.

Bergdahl, Michael. 2004. What I learned from Sam Walton: How to Compete and Thrive in a Wal-Mart World. Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons, Inc.

Berne, Eric. 1964. Games People Play. NY: Ballantine Books.

Boje, David M. & Carl Rhodes. 2005. The Leadership of Ronald McDonald: Double Narration and Stylistic Lines of Transformation. Accepted for publication in Leadership Quarterly journal on April 9, 2005 - see pre-publication draft at http://peaceaware.com/McD/papers/Ronald_McDonald_LQ_2005.pdf

Boje, David M. & Carl Rhodes. 2005. The Virtual Leader Construct: The Mass Mediatization and Simulation of Transformational Leadership, Accepted for publication in Leadership Journal on June 2, 2005 See Pre-publication Draft  http://peaceaware.com/McD/papers/Fast_Food_Virtual_Leadership%20_Boje_Rhodes.pdf

Dombeck, Mark and Jolyn Wells-Moran, Ph.D. Undated webpage. Changing Perspectives On The Past (Mental Help.net).20

Ortega, Bob. 2000. In Sam We Trust: The Untold Story of Sam Walton and How Wal-Mart is Devouring America Times Business.

Walton, Sam (with John Huey) 1992. Sam Walton: Made in America My Story. NY: Doubleday.

Weber, Max.1947. Max Weber: The Theory of Social and Economic Organization. Translated by A. M. Henderson & Talcott Parsons. NY: The Free Press. 

20 Dombeck & Wells-Moran, book, Changing Perspectives On the Past. http://mentalhelp.net/psyhelp/chap15/chap15j.htm 17