Wedding Speeches Overview Since the dawn of human civilization, humans have felt a duty to capture special events in a network of words to preserve them for generations to come. From primal forests where warriors beat their breast and yelled intelligible sounds over the body of a slain beast to the elegant halls of ornate palaces toasting the elite of high society, speeches have been written, memorized, proclaimed, and recorded as a testament to people’s births, marriages, and deaths, the entire scope of a complete human drama. Perhaps the most felicitous of celebrations is a wedding, with its culmination of courtship, blending of families, gathering of the community, and hope for posterity. Youth, beauty, and love are conjoined in an odd mixture of mirth and mourning as the joyous couple leaves their respective families to merge into an entirely separate, new household. It is fitting, then, that relatives and friends of bride and groom should stand up to commemorate the occasion with a few special words of remembrance that may encompass such diverse elements as nostalgia, reflection, praise, advice, and humor, and more, all part of everyday life and precious memories that bind us in unbreakable circles of fondness and festivity. The groom’s best man is a carefully chosen friend who has supported the groom through good times and bad. He is the trusted supporter who safeguards the wedding ring for the marriage ceremony. Standing at the groom’s side as an emblem of devoted friendship, the best man ensures that the wedding arrangements from the groom’s side of things go smoothly and well. His speech at the wedding reception reveals the groom’s personal side, often including both strengths and weaknesses for those who know him less well. A Maid of Honor helps to prepare the bride for her special day, assisting with details like dress, cosmetics, ceremonial preparations, and reception plans. Her long-time friendship vouches for the bride’s integrity and readiness to become a wife. The Maid of Honor’s speech touches on friendship highlights, the bride’s special qualities, and her devotion to the groom. The bride or groom’s father takes a patriarchal role in the festivities, representing the immediate and extended family and by his appearance and speech supporting the marriage contract. Providing a life-long perspective of his son or daughter, the father’s speech may include warm, tender, funny, or stirring anecdotes to touch the hearts of everyone present. One or both mothers of the connubial couple may choose to share mixed feelings about watching their children come of age and leave home for good to create their own family. Moms are apt to recall the bride or groom’s rite-of-life passages like learning to walk, starting school, becoming an adolescent, earning an award, overcoming defeat, and beginning adult life. Mothers typically emphasize emotional bonds and spiritual insights that have developed from watching over their children for a couple of decades.

Friends past and present of bride and groom may offer to stand up and recount landmark events that offer unique insight to the couple’s developmental years or coming-of-age passages. Most avoid the traditional “roast” with its associates of juvenile humor, although some may take this approach. Often the friends represent a certain time of life for bride or groom, such as childhood or the college years. Whatever your relationship to the happy couple, you will enjoy hearing others’ words that bring to life the obscure details that flesh out a full portrait of the two who are about to become one. * * * Best Man Speech #1: Focuses on a specific quality. This type of speech plays on personal experience to reveal or emphasize a little-known quality about the groom. Its effectiveness stems from implicit praise and real-life events that show rather than merely tell about the groom’s character, suggesting something like a confessional tone that is endearing to listeners. (Substitute your groom’s name for “John Doe” used here.)

John Doe (groom) has been a friend of mine for the past four years, ever since we started working together. Let me tell you something about John, something that most of you may not know. Jane (bride) is getting a terrific, caring husband. John is the most generous guy I know. He doesn’t like anyone to know it, though, so he puts on this gruff, ‘I-don-care’ exterior a lot of the time. But whenever someone passes the hat at the office, John’s check is the first one in the pot.

I first found out about John’s selfless attitude when I broke my arm right after I came there to work. I was off work for a couple of days, and when I got back, there was this mountain of paperwork on my desk. I sat there and tinkered with it awhile, but then got discouraged and was about ready to give up and go home and just collect sick pay for awhile, though I didn’t have much left at that point. John stopped by my desk and said something like, “You look beat. Why don’t you get out of here? I can check those reports for you and have them on the boss’s desk in the morning. I handled them before you came on board. Take something for that pain—I can see it all over your face.” He was right; my arm was aching. I had heard John talk about some sports event he had tickets for that evening. To tell the truth, I was too tuckered out to ask if he were still planning to go. Grateful, I left in a hurry, went home, took my medicine, and hit the sack early. Next day, those reports were done, just as John said. I never found out if he made the ball game or not—Hey John, what was the score? When the secretary’s grandson was selling candy bars for an MS fundraiser, I happened to see John’s check at the bottom, first one in the box, when it got knocked over and the lid fell off. Picking it up, I almost whistled at the amount, because I know John doesn’t eat chocolate—though maybe they were all for Jane! Time after time, John comes through for us down at the plant. He worked weekends and even occasional third shifts for a guy whose wife was battling breast

cancer. When she passed away, John worked a week of double shifts to cover the guy’s absence. Then he personally took over a fruit basket and office collection for the family. Don’t get mad at me, John—Jane has a right to know what she’s getting into! All in all, John is the kind of guy you want around in a crisis. He’s not afraid to get his hands dirty. John will just do what needs to be done without thinking twice. And he won’t remind you about it later, either. Jane, you’re probably going to have to get used to sharing John with people in need. He’s just that kind of guy, like it or not. * * * Best Man Speech #2: Plays on shared youth. This approach outlines a shared background or history that may span several years and various life events. As before, the fictitious “John Doe” can be replaced with your groom’s name. John Doe and I have known each other since fourth grade. Man, do you remember old Mrs. Gumpp, John? She sent you to the principal’s office about every day! Or was it me she sent? Oh well, it doesn’t matter. Wherever one of us went, the other wasn’t far behind. John and I clicked from the first day of that school year. His family had just transferred from Peoria, and all of us were wondering about the new kid in class. The girls thought the little towhead was cute—can’t think why! But we boys wondered what kind of stuff he was made of. Was he a tough guy? A prep? A wimp? On the playground that day we found out. He was just like us, a little bit of everything combined. He could talk the talk, but we wouldn’t find out for a few years if he could walk the walk. In the meantime, though, he and I became best buds. A couple of years later, I tried out for middle school wrestling, and so did he. Then John got weaseled into a creative writing contest by his mom (Sorry, Mrs. Doe!), so I wrote something, too. We did okay with wrestling, with a decent record our first year. But John’s poem got 2nd place in the contest—is that how you stole Jane’s heart, buddy? Before we knew it, we were in high school. That’s when John showed his true mettle. I still had a few months to go with my orthodontic braces, and during the first week of 9th grade some of the so-called cool guys started picking on me. John and another guy named Pete hung out at lunch and after school, but these guys used to catch me at my locker or between classes. At first they just hurled insults to get my goat. Then they started pushing me. I pushed back, but there were three of them and one of me. I knew it was just a matter of time. John came up before Spanish class one day to borrow my book; he’d left his at home. He saw those guys give me a push with some comment about my braces. They started to take off when they saw John, but he lunged into the first kid and pushed him backward so hard he fell. I grabbed the second guy’s shirt but he pulled away and bolted with the other two. After that, no one messed with us. Since then, we’ve faced a few rumbles, and walked away from some. We got our first cars about the same time and double-dated some. Oops Jane—you didn’t hear that!

I could spend hours telling you stories about everything we got into, but John’s life is taking another path now, one on which I can’t go with him. But we’ll still get together once in a while to relive the past, right buddy? Or should I ask Jane? * * * Best Man Speech #3: Draws on adult friendship or later acquaintance. This speech reflects a professional or adult-level relationship with recent anecdotes. The best man may be someone with whom the groom has worked, has attended the same college, or shares similar interests like golf, working out at the gym, rebuilding cars, etc. I haven’t known John Doe as long as some of you, but he and I have enjoyed some pretty cool times together. He and I met at the gym a couple of years ago. I was going pretty regularly, maybe three or four times a week, but John was showing up maybe twice a week. I noticed he seemed to hit the jogging track pretty hard. After that it was racquetball. Later, we switched exercise clubs for one with a pool. Man, he would hit the water and be off like a shot. You could tell he was working off stress. We shot some basketball hoops a few times, and eventually he started opening up.

It turned out he was going through some tough times. I don’t want to dwell on that today as we celebrate the happiest day of John’s life, but you all know what I’m talking about. Anyway, we started spotting each other on the weights and soon we were hanging out pretty regularly. Sometimes a group of us would go bowling or out to dinner, and sometimes we’d bring dates—you didn’t hear this part, Jane! John eventually got over that one thing, and pretty soon he seemed like a normal guy. I came close to getting engaged to this one girl. I mean, I thought I loved her and wanted to be with her forever. But John subtly pointed out a few things that I tried not to see—like some other guy was picking up her after work sometimes, and she occasionally wasn’t available on weekends, always with some kind of excuse. Anyway, I soon found out, mainly thanks to John’s prodding, that she was seeing the other guy, too. I kept seeing her for a while, but put the engagement idea on hold. As it turned out, she dumped me for the other guy, then dumped him for someone else. I hear she’s married and happy now. Then John fixed me up with a girl that had a thing for him—so he could wait for you, Jane!—and she and I are now pre-engaged, I guess you’d call it, right, honey?

So John and I have had a lot of great times together. We’ve been there for each other. When Jane came into the picture, I knew she was the girl for John. The four of us go out on a pretty regular basis, and I hope it stays that way after the wedding.

John is the kind of guy that you can confide in about things you don’t want to tell anyone else. We’ve gone through some tough times, and I know I can count on him for the long haul—ditto for me, John! * * * Best Man Speech #4: Based on bride’s male relative or a male friend’s perspective.

Sometimes the groom’s best man comes from the bride’s side of the family. This can happen when the groom doesn’t have a friend he wants to designate as best man, or if the best man is not available—for example, if the couple get married away from home. Often the groom is close to his new bride’s brother, cousin, or one of her male friends or co-workers. This is the kind of speech that person might make. I’d like to offer a toast to my sister’s new husband, John Doe. Welcome to the family, John. I suppose you know the best and worst of our relatives, but let me fill you in a few details. Don’t worry, Jane, I won’t tell him about that embarrassing episode with the boy next door. You were all of what—six? My lips are sealed! Anyway, John, our family is like any other, as you no doubt know by now. You’ve been coming around for maybe two or three years now, and you’ve learned how to duck out the back when Mom’s in a bad mood or Dad’s got his eye on you for lawn help. Just kidding, folks! But let me say a few words about what you’ve gotten yourself into, now that there is no back door to back out of. My sister Jane can be the most annoying creature on earth! After hogging the bathroom for an hour every morning, exiting just about three minutes before I have to dash off to work, I go in and find towels on the floor and makeup all over the counter. Then at night, I come home to one of her experimental dinners that you will now be treated to, John. I’ll bet you can’t wait! Let me tell you, they are to die for—and I mean that literally! And what can I say about her housecleaning—since there isn’t any? But to tell you the truth, John, maybe I’m saying these things because I’m going to miss my sister now that she’s married. It could be I’m just a little jealous over her constant prattling about what a great money manager you are, and how grateful Mom and Dad are that you help out around the house. I guess I took for granted being the only son in our family until you came along. But since then, I hear these constant comparisons, usually to my detriment!

I have to say, though, it’s been great having a brother like you. I always wanted one, though I never said anything. And it’s true; you handle money like a pro, and I know you’ll give my sister all the things she deserves because of it. I’ve learned a few things from you, John, like how to really listen when Dad offers advice or tells his old war stories. I’ve come to see our family with new eyes, buddy, your eyes. I appreciate them more than I could ever have thought possible a few years ago.

So let me finish by saying that when I “grow up” and finish college next year, I want to be just like my mentor and new big brother, John Doe. Cheers! * * * Best Man Speech #5: Offers the view of the groom’s family member, like a brother. A close male relative of the groom has watched his brother or cousin change over the course of the courtship and in preparation for marriage. These intimate observations offer close-up insights to the groom’s life, personality, and character. Any of these, or a combination thereof, will make a good theme for this type of wedding toast.

My brother, John Doe, just got married today. I guess I don’t have to tell you people that, since we’re all here celebrating for that reason. But I have to keep telling myself, over and over, because it doesn’t seem real yet. John and I have grown up together for nearly 25 years now, almost a quarter century. Man, I almost can’t envision life without him. We’ve lived in the same house, shared the same family, and even drove the same car while in college, even though he’s a year younger. That’s John, though, always ahead of the game, whereas I tend to drag my feet and think things over before carrying them out. John has been a terrific brother. Not perfect, of course, but a fun guy to hang with all the same. When Seth, our older brother, got married a few years ago, John and I spent even more time together. Oh yeah, I know he had other friends, and of course he and Jane became inseparable almost from the day they met. But we’ve always had this special bond—are guys allowed to say things like that? There’s this annual camping thing we’ve done for ten years now, at first with Seth until he bit the dust—uh, I mean, entered marital bliss, Jane! Since then it’s been just John and me. I think both of us expected me to be the next one to cut the family cord. I thought about joining the army or traveling around Europe for a while, the gypsy of the family. But something always held me back. Maybe it was after Dad died when we were in college. Seth graduated and moved to Boston with a new job right after that, and I guess I kind of felt responsible for John. Not that Mom didn’t do a great job, but he kind of needed a male relative too, you know? In addition to camping, we went to ball games, rebuilt the engine in John’s car, and did the kind of stuff that brothers do. Then, when Jane entered the picture, I backed out some. I guess I was a little resentful at first. Seth was married and gone, and then John had Jane, and I was alone. Still, there was this peaceful feeling, though, knowing that John was going to be all right and that Jane was the kind of girl who would look after my brother. So I’m going to do some of those things I put on hold, John. I got my ticket for Paris last week, and I’m taking two weeks’ vacation from my job to go see Europe. John, it’s good to know I’m leaving you in Jane’s capable hands. And when I get back, I’m still counting on catching a ball game or playing tennis once in a while. Thanks for being a great brother all those years I needed you!

Maid of Honor speech #1: Bride’s best friend since childhood. When the bride’s life-long friend, now her Maid of Honor, offers a toast at the wedding reception, it provides a special time for reflection and fun. The duo’s many years of growing and learning together provides opportunities for anecdotes from several types of life experiences, including adolescence, high school, college, and careers. The Maid of Honor might want to touch on one or more of these, or coordinate with other speeches so that several different themes emerge. Jane Doe and I met in first grade, and life has never been the same since. Through birthday parties, playground fights, and sleepovers, we build a friendship that has brought us as close as two girls can be. Jane’s mom, as you know, died when she was eight, and her dad did not remarry for several years. During that time Jane and I became inseparable. My parents practically adopted her, since her dad sometimes had to travel with his job and she couldn’t be left alone. It was like having another sister, although my younger sibling and I did not have much in common anyway. But Jane and I were like two pearls on a string; we liked the same clothes, music, and later, boys, and these were the things we usually shared or fought over. Eventually, when Jane was 13, her dad remarried. I remember how upset she was at the time—no offense, Mr. And Mrs. Smith! She was the typical snotty teen who didn’t want a step-mom. I consoled her as best I could, reminding her how great it would be to have a second mom, not like the rest of us who had just one. Mrs. Smith was wonderful in helping out with Girl Scouts, and later she volunteered as an assistant coach for the volleyball team. First Jane was embarrassed, but when she saw how the other girls took to her step-mom’s upbeat coaching style, she became actually proud of her. I was so glad they finally bonded to have the meaningful relationship they do today. I was even jealous for a while, but then got over it! In high school they called us the “twins.” With our shoulder-length blonde hair and freckled faces, we could pass for sisters, and often did. But Jane was taller and a little more slender, while I was the “cozy” one of the pair. Boys gravitated to Jane first, but she usually was generous in sharing her catch with me, gently steering those in my direction that she thought I would get along with. Not you, though, John! We planned to attend the same college, but somehow she went away to the state university while I went to the community college. Thank goodness for email and semester breaks! I visited her campus and she came to events at mine, like the Spring Fling, and that’s where she met John. Now, almost three years later, here we are. She got John, and I met Bill at her college graduation party. I suppose we’ll be planning our pregnancies next. Here’s to Jane and a long life of wedded bliss! * * * Maid of Honor speech #2: Bride’s close friend from recent adulthood. I honestly can’t recall when Jane and I first met. It was sometime in 2001 after that terrible disaster. We were volunteering with the Red Cross to help contact relatives of local families who were possible victims. She and I staffed telephone operations and

took information from people worried about loved ones who lived in New York or D.C. It was such an awful time, but Jane never lost her calm or her buoyancy. She kept reassuring everyone that things were under control and that we would do all we could to get information they needed. We worked a couple of days non-stop, with just a few hours for a quick nap. During that time I had to tell a 60-year-old widow that her stockbroker son wasn’t coming home. Jane kept an eye on the brief exchange while I told the woman and tried to comfort her. Then Jane came over and slipped an arm around the woman’s shoulder, not saying anything, just patting her gently while sharing her misery. I learned a lot about friendship that day, the kind that sees a need and meets it and shares losses even with people you don’t know. That’s how it’s always been with Jane, learning new things and people skills. After that we found out that our office buildings were just ¼ mile apart. We started meeting for lunch midway, or one of us would walk to the other’s place of business. Soon we were having lunch several times a week. Then it grew into monthly dinners or theater outings. Occasionally we double-dated, or just hung out at each other’s apartment, renting old movies, sharing worries about bills, boyfriends, whatever. When I broke up with a guy I’d been seeing nearly a year, Jane talked me to signing up for a dance class with her. ‘I always wanted to study ballet,’ she said earnestly. ‘How about you?’ After admitting it wasn’t first on my list of new things to try, we gave it a go. Surprisingly, I signed up for a second and third class after liking the first so much, but Jane sort of lost interest. That was okay, though. I liked her pushing me a little to try something new. She’s a natural leader and encourager, as many of you know. She formed a downtown coalition to save the historic landmark church that was scheduled for demolition. Then she got the mayor on her side about the need for a city park for the kids to play in. Now Jane has written an e-book on community involvement, which I am sure will be published in the near future.

John is a lucky guy, and he’s going to have to stay active to keep up with Jane. I hope, though, the wedding won’t diminish our friendship. Maybe her new hubby will share her now and then, for old times sake. But I also hope we can keep trying new things together. Now that she’s married, maybe I’ll be the next. Good luck, John and Jane! * * * Maid of Honor speech #3: Bride’s relative—sister, aunt, sister-in-law, etc. A relative of the bride who presents a toast can get caught up in emotion, so common for this type of celebration, as she explores a past relationship with the bride while pondering the future. A family member’s point of view can become poignant, humorous, or insightful, filling in with a few deft strokes added color to complete the bride’s portrait for this array of guests. Jane Doe is the kind of niece everyone should have. My sister and her husband wisely had the foresight to deliver their first daughter on my 15th birthday, so my niece and I enjoy a special relationship. I was hardly old enough to be a mother figure, and yet

barely young enough to be her sister. Perhaps because we lived a few houses apart and I babysat her all the time when she was a kid, we share a unique bond that brings us together on her wedding day. My niece Jane made me a better person than I would have been otherwise. Naturally prone to taking risks, whenever she was around I knew I needed to set a good example. Sometimes I resented her presence, like when my boyfriend was supposed to pick me up one night and Jane innocently lingered in my room. Try as I might, I could not get that three-year-old child to leave, so there was no way I could shimmy down the drainpipe to meet Kyle as planned. But that was Jane, even at a tender age getting people to do the right thing. When I got a job after graduating high school, I would have to baby-sit Jane when Aunt Kate worked second shift at the factory. Uncle Mike always worked second, so there was no one to watch my little niece. Since I had a full-time job, the last thing I wanted was another part-time position watching a preschooler when I’d much rather be out spending my freshly earned money. Instead, I took Jane to the zoo and then out for fast food. I tried to answer her endless stream of questions about why monkeys have tails and why the zebras didn’t look like horses. That girl helped me develop patience that I never would have had otherwise. When Mom got sick a few years later, I was the only single one of us kids left, so I had to take care of her. Sis dropped Jane off, too, when she needed a sitter, but instead of being a pest, Jane ran all over the house to bring things I needed for Mom, whether it was a fresh towel or the mail. She was a blessing in those days, since I couldn’t get out much to have a social life with my friends, and it was hard to take care of a mother who had a terminal illness. Jane’s presence forced me to keep calm when I wanted to scream. She helped me think of others like herself and my mother when I just wanted to think about myself. After Mom died, Jane filled a gap in my family life. She and I spent time together shopping, cleaning, whatever. Although I never married, I always felt like Jane was my little girl, shared with my sister of course, to whom I will always be grateful. I just want to say today that I am very proud of how my girl has turned out, and I am glad we were there for each other all those years. To you, my darling! * * * Maid of Honor speech #4: Emphasize bride’s character or personality. Limiting a wedding speech to one trait or characteristic is easy for listeners to follow. This provides opportunities for other guests to toast additional qualities in the bride. But if you don’t have enough to say about one of her strengths, expand the speech to three points. They will create an organized structure in a simple style. Jane Doe is the most organized person I know. You can’t let her walk into a messy room or you will lose everything! Trash, drawers, closet—you won’t be able to find a single thing after Jane’s been there. She has this strange desire for order and structure that many of us find absolutely abhorrent. I remember when the boss introduced us at work a few years ago. Already I disliked her. There she was, this perfectly groomed woman with not a hair out of place. I saw her greedy eyes devour the mess on my desk,

and a panicky urge to push her from my office sprang up. Since then, I have to keep fighting that urge to absolutely flee Jane’s presence or cover everything when she sets foot in my office or my house. Jane is too organized for her own good—and ours as well! Take this wedding, for example. Who do you think masterminded all these arrangements? The casual guest might assume it was Jane’s mother or me, her Maid of Honor. But I assure you that Jane had it planned from Day One, or early on, anyway. Graciously she let us come up with a few ideas of our own about where to host the reception, what to serve, and so on. But then with her usual tact, Jane stepped in and took control. In a matter of days the guest list had been pared to manageable size, the reception dinner budget was trimmed and yet lavishly outfitted—am I right about this, everyone? Then she exchanged my crass idea of purple off-the-shoulder bride’s maid dresses for tasteful lilac designs and short sleeves. From table decorations to flowers and music, Jane not only has organizational skills, she has good taste. Is there any greater threat to the Maid of Honor’s role than a combination like that? All I can say now is, cleanup crew beware! Seriously, though, Jane has been my muse and inspiration for tackling many kinds of distasteful chores. Under her tutelage I cleaned up my office clutter and actually got a raise. Granted, I did misplace the novel I’d been reading a couple packages of cookies, but the raise was worth it! When we cleaned out my attic, I actually made money selling some of the antique items that Jane had learned about on E-Bay. The girl is worth her weight in gold! So I just want to say that I’m glad I know you, Jane Doe, and I look forward to our highly organized friendship in years to come. John and Jane, may you never know a moment’s mess in your new life! * * * Maid of Honor speech #5: Focus on bride’s relationship with groom. This type of speech accents the bride’s and groom’s new beginning. It can highlight the strengths both bring to bind their union, or it can illustrate their synergy as a couple previously and in times to come. The focus remains on the two together rather than the individuals. Jane and John Doe are special individuals in their own right. Together, they will become an unstoppable team. After 25 years as individuals sowing good deeds in the world, they have joined today to double their energies and their influence. Who would have thought all those years ago when these two great people came into the world that they would find each other and fall in love to bring us all together today in celebration of their nuptials? When John and Jane met in high school, I remember thinking they did not fit together well. John was outspoken and aggressive, the kind of guy who could get on your nerves fast. Naturally he chaired the Debate Team and played football. He had the kind of personality that everyone noticed. Some admired him, but others didn’t. On the other hand, Jane was a quiet girl. People hardly noticed her in classes, but she was the one who

got top grades. Because she kept to herself, no one gave her much thought. But it was clear from her report card that she did a lot of thinking and knew how to solve problems. How they ever got together I don’t recall. It probably had something to do with her being a peer tutor for writing papers. John must have gone in for help in managing his words, right John? Anyway, sometime during our sophomore year they became an item, and they’re still going strong all these years later. John was—and still is—the front man. His bravado makes things happen the way both of them want. Jane is the brain behind the brawn. She thinks things out and they talk them over. In our junior year Jane ran for Student Council after creating a masterful promotion. John made sure everyone heard about it, and he talked unsure voters into siding with his sweetie because of her great campaign platform. Needless to say, Jane got elected and then reelected our senior year. They worked as a team, along with others, to clarify the school dress code and started a student newspaper. It won a state award, you know. Even though John and Jane went to different colleges, they stayed in touch. There was even a yearlong break-up when they dated other people, thinking maybe they were too different for each other. That was right after John got into a little trouble picketing the biology prof’s lab. But Salt and Pepper finally realized they were meant for each other, and they’ve been together since. Now that they both have professional jobs in different careers they still find ways to work together to make things better for others. They implemented a safety protocol checklist for John’s company, and now they’re working on a stray cat-neutering program with the local vet’s office. I think it’s safe to say we can expect great things from this dynamic duo in the future. Let’s give them both a round of applause!

Father of bride speech #1: Daddy’s little girl. Often, dads will toast their daughters and new sons-in-law by underscoring the relationship with the little girl who has been close to their heart and now must be relinquished to the care of another. The special father-daughter relationship takes center stage for this display of affection. Everyone at the reception pretty much knows what to expect from the bride’s father, yet his words often become a universal symbol that touches the hearts of all fathers and daughters in the audience. The lovely bride seated to my right is really just my little girl in disguise. Somewhere under that designer gown and perfectly arranged hair is a squirmy little ten-year-old in pigtails and overalls. That redheaded child with a temper and a smile to melt your heart was my fishing buddy, checkers champion, and garage assistant throughout her growing-up years. While I lent my girl to her mama for occasional kitchen duty or shopping sprees, Jane Doe was always her daddy’s helper and companion. But over the past year or two she has transferred her company and allegiance to a bright young man who reminds me of myself at that age. For that reason only do I willingly relinquish my only daughter to his careful protection. Jane was just enough of a tomboy to quench my longing for a son. After her birth, my wife Caroline was unable to have more children, so both of us doted on Jane. Fortunately, we agreed early in our daughter’s life to share her between us. Caroline taught her the domestic arts while I showed Jane how to build a campfire, paddle a canoe, and change her engine oil when she got her first car. Getting Jane as a daughter was better than having a son, since she was both feminine and a constant reminder of her mother as well as the little helpless girl I could protect and love. But her strength and courage kept me company on many outings that some girls might have spurned. Whether she enjoyed these excursions, I don’t really know. But Jane let me believe that she liked them as much as I did. She never complained or asked to do something else instead. As she grew older and started moving through her teen years, I felt a sense of hopelessness, knowing my little girl was no longer young or small. Jane was becoming her own person, and nothing I could do or say would prevent that. Reluctantly I let her go, asking her now and then to accompany me on a morning hike or help me change the sparkplugs in my old Chevy. Her face would lose its busy look and she would once more turn into an older version of her childhood self, face animated, eyes bright, that mischievous smile lurking about her mouth when she tried to fool me into thinking I had put in the wrong engine plugs. Now that she’s grown, it is not without a tug at my heart that I watched my daughter walk down the wedding aisle with the man who will share new adventures with her. I believe she has made a wise decision in marrying John Doe, and Caroline and I wish them all the happiness in the world. I only hope that she will save a small part of her new life for the occasional Saturday morning with Dad, and that she and John will lend us their children for the same fun times we used to have with Jane. * * *

Father of bride speech #2: Giving her away to a new life. I can hardly believe this beautiful young woman that I gave away today is the little girl who used to climb on Daddy’s knee. The day she was born, the nurse placed a squalling infant in my arms, and I wondered what it would take to satisfy her. I still wonder that sometimes! But now that will be her husband’s concern as I transfer my daughter to his care and protection. Jane was the proverbial apple of my eye. With her mother’s smile and that dashing edge to her character that comes from her father’s side of the family, Jane was the perfect representation of our marriage. Fierce and vulnerable by turns, our little girl was bent on becoming her own person from the time she could walk. It was all her mother and I could do to get her to listen, though in general she was an obedient child. Yet something in her insisted on doing things her own way, on meeting life on her own terms. Part of me was annoyed with this rebellious streak, but another part admired my little girl’s independence. But far from letting her go to do what she wanted, I kept her close by to keep watch over her. Jane learned to help me at the tool bench, hammering and sawing her way through dozens of boards until she learned to make birdhouses and picnic benches as well as I could. Then I took her to ballgames, even when her mom preferred to stay at home. It would be just the two of us out there in the stands, cheering our favorite team, booing the ref’s calls. My heart thrilled to see my girl’s scrunched-up nose, looking much as I had at her age. When we found that we were unable to have more kids, she became even more precious. Her mother taught her to cook and clean, much as Jane disliked those tasks. I taught her to build things and do yard work. With her I got the best of both worlds—a pretty little girl and a frisky little tomboy. As she got to be a teenager and made friends that took her into public social circles, I fretted a little that my girl was growing up, but knew it was for the best. I could not keep my little fledgling in the nest forever. But when she started dating boys—that was another matter altogether! I scowled and worried whenever one came to pick up her for a date. I insisted they come in and be introduced, and then imposed a curfew. Jane didn’t like it, but she understood it was for the best. We always tried to give each other space and grace in making decision about her development and future. So when John Doe came into the picture, I didn’t expect it to go anywhere. I figured he was another guy who was smitten by my unique daughter’s long list of talents. But somehow I kind of expected her to brush him off eventually, too, as she had done the others who weren’t quite right for her somehow. But John stayed. And stayed. And stayed. Now it looks like we’re going to have him as a permanent part of our family. John, I don’t have to tell you that you’re getting a gem—take care of her, son. * * * Father of bride speech #3: Building on multi-generational family. This speech adds a nice touch when several generations of the same family gather for the celebration, or when the father wants to emphasize the continuity and linkages between

generations. More than focusing on the couple, the words that follow bridge age and culture gaps to bind relatives of all ages and areas. Jane and John, we are all happy for you today knowing that the two of you have found each other and made a life-long commitment to pledges yourselves to a shared life of joy and harmony. This is a solemn moment as we reflect on the past to remember those who have gone before, the ones who pioneered new lifestyles and locations throughout the world to blaze new paths for our family lines. Great-grandmother Hannah arrived on these shores with her parents from Russia many decades ago, all alone, without a clue as to what the future might hold. They found a husband for her so that she could build her own family and fulfill her destiny in life. It wasn’t easy, but she and Great-grandfather Alexander worked hard with little to sustain them but commitment, and soon, love. Their six children, in turn, married and raised children, of which I am one. Many of them found different paths in life, and few of us now are left in this region. But we have come together to commemorate those whose courage and fortitude made it possible for you to be born and marry in a free country. The opposite of Hannah and Alexander, my daughter and husband John found love first, and now we join with them to celebrate that love and affirm their commitment to one another until death should part them. My wife and I lost our firstborn to a rare disease. That made it all the harder to send our other children into the world to make their way. Reluctantly, we did so. Our daughter Jane left our protective nest and went away to work in a big city. There she found John and they fell in love. Now they have returned to us to pledge their affection for one another. We, the bride’s family, want the couple to know that we support their decision to marry. We will do all we can to help them get started in their life together, at the same time realizing they must do many things for themselves to become independent and create their own family tree. Yet their family is just one more branch in our tree, even as it shoots roots into the ground to push up another generation to continue our long ancestral line. Jane and John, all of us are proud of you. We are your blood relatives, the people who raised you, set you free, and claim you once more as a new and separate family circle that overlaps with ours and the one started by your great-grandparents so long ago, and their great-grandparents before them. Now, if God should bless your union with children, your fruitfulness will grow young leaves to lengthen our branches and strengthen our roots in generations to come. May God bless you and your offspring! * * * Father of bride speech #4: Expectations for the husband. It is traditional for fathers to say a few words at the wedding to their new son-in-law as a ceremonial gesture of placing their daughters in the care of a spouse. While the tone may be officious, paternal, or jovial, the message comes through loud and clear: “Take care of my little girl or you will hear from me, buster!” My daughter Jane today will leave her parents’ home and enter the one provided by husband John. Of course, she technically stopped living with us a few years ago, but

we have continued to look out for her interests and meet her needs in any way we could. When John came into her life, our family unit began to change. Instead of calling her father to change her car oil, our daughter learned that John was even more eager to come and help out. Jane’s frequent stopovers to see us gradually diminished as John took a more active role in her life. John goes grocery shopping with Jane, he keeps her sheltie when she travels with her job, and he’s the one she calls first when down with the flu. Yes, John has replaced us in some measure as the sun in our little girl’s universe. But then again, Jane is not a little girl anymore. And the universe she knew as a child has expanded to become a much larger place since then. As she transfers her orbit to a new solar system, her mother and I can only hope that she will look upon us as a dim but constant star that continues to watch and love her from a distance. John has proven himself worthy of our daughter’s affections in many ways. Graduating magna cum laude with his college class, he now holds a very promising position with a blue chip company. Though Jane would love his fine character if he were barefoot and poor, it is comforting to us, her parents, that John had the foresight to plan ahead before getting married so that he can present his wife with a new home and the option of staying home when the little ones begin to come along. More importantly, however, John has proven is love his love for Jane by his commitment to her well being. He encouraged her to take night classes and finish a college degree, and she now has a meaningful nursing career. John asked for our daughter’s hand two years ago, but patiently waited when she needed more time to be sure. He will make her a fine husband by providing personal and financial security because he loves her. No parent can ask more than that. In placing my daughter’s hand in that of her husband-to-be at the beginning of the wedding ceremony, I gave away a piece of my heart as well. But in taking John’s hand to give him my daughter, I knew we were gaining a terrific son. John and Jane, may your love for each other continue to grow, and may your new life together remain a refreshing reminder of the promise and commitment of true love. * * * Stepfather of bride speech #5: Making memories. A stepfather’s role in his stepdaughter’s wedding is a delicate and precious thing. On one hand, he may want to sidestep the competition and strife that accompany so many events combining blended families. On the other, he may be eager to demonstrate unconditional love for his adopted family by serving in whatever wedding role the bride chooses to place him. If asked to make a speech, a stepfather might point to the special moments that fused blended family members together. Jane and John Doe have graciously given permission for me to say a few words in a toast on this felicitous occasion. I have not had the honor of meeting each guest here today, so let me begin by introducing myself as Jane’s stepfather. I entered Jane’s life after marrying her mother nearly ten years ago. I was impressed by how well Jane and her brother Joe tolerated a new person in the household. Their father had been gone only

two years, and they were still pretty young kids. After holding me off for some time at first, gradually they got used to me, and I to them. I’ll never forget how seriously Jane looked at me. She didn’t say much, but I could tell her little mind was trying to process the reason for my being there, though her mother had explained it very well, I thought. Though it took some time for both kids to warm up to me, and each did it in their own way, it was books that opened the door between Jane and me. I often read for relaxation, and frequently keep a book in progress on the coffee table or nightstand. Jane would watch me read after dinner, and seemed to find that fascinating, as though I were an odd creature for preferring books to television. We watched the evening news and occasional shows, but when Jane saw that I really did enjoy reading, she overcame her natural reserve and approached me candidly about it. “What are you reading?” she asked one night after dinner. “This is a book about politics,” I told her, thinking she would neither know nor care what that meant. “You mean about the president and government and things like that?” Surprised and delighted, I agreed and then told her a little more about the book. A few minutes later she went and got a book from her bedroom and sat down in the family room across from me, and our new relationship began, built on our love of books. Since then, Jane and I often have discussed books over dinner, argued over books while hiking, and even attended a few reading clubs together. We’ve also done some other things like gardening, but our true bond lies in ideas presented in books. John, I sure hope you like to read so you can share that hobby with Jane now. But maybe it’s better if you don’t so she and I can continue meeting for coffee to share our favorite authors and compare political differences. Jane, I’ll never forget the memory of you sitting on that sofa, your feet not yet touching the floor, when you brought that first book to read alongside me. Let’s toast to the joy of intellectual inquiry and discovery that will add a rich dimension to your marriage!

Father of groom speech #1: Pride in a disabled son’s achievements On the wedding day, it is not only the bride’s father who is filled with nostalgia and a bit of sadness when giving away a child to marriage. The father of the groom also may look at his son a little differently, seeing a once-small boy now grown and following in his father’s shoes. This speech emphasizes the groom’s father’s pride in his adult son. Today our family gains a beautiful new daughter in Jane Doe, our son’s choice of bride to walk through life by his side. Little did his mother and I think on that day so many years ago when John came into this world that we would one day witness his marriage with such joy coupled with a parent’s pride. John, your mother and I are very proud of all that you have thus far accomplished in your young life. You did not let a potentially serious disability limit your dreams. Finishing high school with your class and a 3.75 GPA showed the world what you are made of. Then, enrolling in college the following year started the ball rolling toward your bachelor’s degree, and then a master’s degree. Son, we are amazed by your strength and your focus despite the extra steps you had to take due to your disability. But you didn’t squirm, you didn’t make excuses, and you didn’t let it hold you back. Instead, son, you persistently went after your goals and one by one, met them. Getting the help you needed rather than trying to do things all by yourself revealed the wisdom that has made your dreams possible. If you hit an obstacle you couldn’t get over, you found a way around it. Inspiring your peers first and now the students that you teach, your life is a beacon that lights the way for others. Becoming a peer tutor in college and then volunteering at the Boys Club to help underprivileged kids learn to read was one of the many times you revealed hidden strength and fortitude. Even when some of those kids made fun of you or called you names, you stuck with it, determined to help others no matter how difficult some of them made it. When you met Jane, we were afraid you might end up disappointed. Some girls just aren’t interested in making a commitment to a man with a permanent disability. But Jane was not an ordinary girl. Her extraordinary courage and optimism quickly led us to believe that you had chosen wisely, and that she was one of the few girls who would be capable of going the distance in a challenging relationship. Jane’s strength, we soon learned, matches yours. Together you are doing things to improve our community and build a better world. Your joint award that was given by the Community Service League reveals that others have become aware of your tremendous leadership skills and are ready to recognize them. John and Jane, we are proud of you as individuals for all you have done already. We look forward to anticipation to whatever the two of you may choose as your next goal. With or without successes, we love you very much and wish you every happiness this world can offer. Cheers! * * * Father of groom speech #2: Making transitions

On the wedding day, parents of the happy couple often recognize that marriage is just a step along life’s path. Far from being an end to itself, the wedding serves as an overarching landmark through which the engaged couple passes as two single people and exits on the other side as a newly forged marital unit. Taking their place in society, bride and groom will continue adapting to the changes that marriage will bring as they continue their journey through life, side by side. Welcome, family and friends, as we toast our married loved ones as they continue their life journey. From birth until today, John and Jane traveled parallel but separate paths that crossed a while back in an unexpected way. Since then, their journey has progressed sometimes as a twosome, occasionally as singles, to reach their zenith in marriage today. Two young people who met and wooed are now wed. Their paths have merged to take them together into an unknown future. John, it wasn’t so very long ago when you were in diapers. I remember your mother saying she just couldn’t keep you in one place for very long. You tottered here and there, eager to explore the world about you, sometimes falling and getting hurt, but always getting up and moving on again. The same thing happened in school, and later, in college. Driven by curiosity and a desire to excel, you pushed onward, sometimes figuratively falling down, but then climbing to your feet once more to continue the difficult journey. Hard classes, friends’ temptations, and even our occasional family tensions could not keep you from becoming the man you were destined to be. After you met Jane, it seemed natural that the two of you should continue through life’s maze together. Alike in many ways, the two of you are also different, and maybe that’s the glue that holds you together. Like other successful people your age, you finished college, got jobs, and then got engaged. You have built a house, complete with nursery I might add, to continue down the primrose path that so many before you have followed. As we stand here today, I salute you both for your commitment to excellence, to success, and to each other. It is your commitment that will keep you together through the storms of life that will assail your little boat. But storm-tossed boats only sink with difficulty because they are steered by seasoned sailors who are determined to guide her to safe harbor. You have taken the first step of many together. Having come this far as singles, you now go forth as a couple. One by one you have made the transition from child to student to professional and now to spouse. Lying ahead of you are the child-rearing years, God willing, career development, home building, and the struggles that will come in the mastery of each phase. Beyond that is the golden era of retirement, losing loved ones, and clinging to each other. You have come this far in good faith; the rest should be manageable when you have faith. Take life one day at a time and savor the passages from one season to the next. * * * Father of groom speech #3: Tradition and religious faith

Continuity plays an important role in who we become. Some of us closely follow in our parents’ footsteps while others lag a little behind or hew their own path through new brush. A wedding celebrates the continuation of life by passing down one’s name, family heritage, and genetic makeup for future posterity. A speech in this mode celebrates identity, kinship, and connections. As John Doe’s father, I would like to take this opportunity to welcome Jane to our family circle. John and Jane have dated for over two years, making us wonder whether anything would come of their courtship. But my son finally popped the question, much to our delight, for we cannot imagine a girl who is more suitable for John or our family. Jane already has shared many of our family traditions. She is learning some of the holiday recipes and has gotten together with the womenfolk to do those things they like to do for special occasions. I might add that Jane does a brilliant job at these things, too, giving us all the more reason to love her. Like his father and grandfather before him, John is a plumber by trade. He works long hours and sometimes gets those irritating calls on weekends or holidays. John comes home grubby and grouchy, hardly fit to play with any future kids they might have while Jane cooks supper before going out with the girls for an occasional evening of fun. But Jane has seen our son at his worst. She knows what’s in store for a plumber’s wife and has still married John. Although raised in a different religious faith, Jane has accepted our belief system as her own. She and John want to raise their children in one faith to avoid confusion. John understands that some things may be handled a little differently than he is used to, but he is ready to make these concessions for the privilege of getting Jane as his bride. It won’t always be easy, but their determination will help to pave the way for mutual respect and shared traditions that will make their marriage not bitter, but better. All of us understand the benefits of searching out similarities rather than dwelling on differences. John and Jane are sensible people who have chosen to overlook their differing backgrounds in order to come together and emphasize their sameness in order to create a beautiful and healthy marriage. As they infuse their values, beliefs, and traditions into their marriage that begins today, we, their family and friends, applaud their love for each other and the new life they now begin together. In building a home on the foundation of longstanding traditions, may they add a unique blend of creativity to add a new touch to old customs and ways of doing things. May they also establish solid boundaries that allow only so much advice to enter so that they can enjoy the privacy and independence of designing their own marriage around the structure of previous generations. * * * Father of groom speech #4: Keeping promises Getting married is not a simple thing. Lives are forged together in a series of vows, or pledges, that lead to a life-long commitment. Following the ceremony, the father of the

groom might feel an obligation to remind the couple of their mutual promises and of the parental support that is available when needed. Throughout the ages, when a person gave his word, he was expected to stand to it no matter what happened. Over time, a need for witnesses evolved, and even when a promise was made in writing, one or more witnesses made their mark to attest to the truthfulness of the persons agreeing to the terms therein. Although much has changed in recent years, the need for witnesses remains, sadly. Too often we give our word to something and then fail to keep it, using any number of reasons as excuses. Lawyers stand by to formalize a document and make it stand up in court while little weight is given to the oral vows someone makes regarding a contract or agreement. Today we have called together many guests to solemnize this special occasion: the giving of pledges by this couple to each other in a mystical union of flesh and spirit. Unfortunately, the current 50% divorce rate looms over all wedding ceremonies like the Angel of Death poised to strike at some future point. All too often, both parties in a marriage neglect to keep their vows to honor and protect the other, forsaking all others until death’s final separation. When one or both parties become disenchanted, it is easy to call the lawyer and begin divorce proceedings, forgetting about the promises made in front of witnesses like us to nurture and build up their marriage. My son John Doe and his wife Jane exchanged vows of love and commitment before each person present today. It is the couple’s duty to do everything in their power to uphold their part of the agreement. They must walk together through sickness, mood shifts, unemployment, cranky kids, extra pounds, and temptations to blaze a trail worthy of their vows. Each must support the other, at times placing the other’s needs before their own. Commitments of this magnitude are not easy, which is why we, the witnesses, must be willing to do our part as well. In observing their union, we must stand ready to come to their aid when needed in offering advice or a shoulder to cry on without taking sides. We must pledge not to interfere and instead, encourage John and Jane to work through their problems and stay true to their vows. That is our duty as witnesses. There is great power in a promise kept. A couple’s love for each other, demonstrated through all of life’s catastrophes, becomes the anchor for the marriage, and later, the family as children begin to come along. Love can be an action without the feeling to go with it during the typical dry spells that any relationship goes through until that precious spark once more returns. John and Jane, be good to each other, and know that we are here for you. * * * Father of groom speech #5: Like father, like son A wedding is a rite of passage that holds up a lens to life. Through it many fathers see their sons becoming more like them as these young men come of age and take wives to establish their own separate but parallel families. In this type of speech pattern, a father reflects on his son’s similarities to his own life.

My son, John Doe, turned 24 last week, and today he got married. I often am amazed when I look at him, because he reminds me so much of myself at that age. Like John, I dropped out of high school and worked construction for a couple of years. Then he, like me, went back and got his GED. But John is smarter than his old man. He’s now taking classes at the community college while working as a foreman with his construction crew. I made it to foreman at about the same age, but didn’t have the good sense to go to college. I want my son to have more, and it looks like he’s going to get it. Like me, John found the girl of his dreams in his early 20’s. His mother and I didn’t have a wedding, though. We just eloped so her old man couldn’t catch us and no one would make a fuss. Boy, were we ever wrong! When we got back the next day, they had a cake and family waiting to meet us. After her dad chewed me out, he gave me a hug and said “Welcome to the family, son.” I’m just glad that my boy was smarter than me and didn’t feel like he had to run off. He and Jane told us about their engagement right away, and they have graciously invited our help in planning today’s wedding and reception. Several generations of Doe men married young and lived a long time afterward, thanks to the care of their carefully chosen wives. I have no doubt that Jane is another wonderful spouse. In other ways, though, my son is not much like his father. For one thing, he has escaped the curse of this red hair! For another, John is more even-tempered like his mother, which Jane will be glad to hear. Come to think of it, she already knows! John has more ambition than me, and it looks like those college classes will pay off in helping him get a better job. He and Jane planned their first home in detail, John and the crew built it, and he and Jane have just moved into it. They’re leagues ahead of where his mother and I were when we started out. With money in the bank, a good head on his shoulders, and a lovely, supportive wife, John is ready for the future. I don’t think there is much that will daunt this couple in the years to come. If they are blessed with grandkids, I hope their kids will be blessed with this same mix of family traits and unique virtues. May our long family line continue, and may John and Jane live happily ever after.

Speech #1: Childhood friend of bride Longtime friends share a big part of each other’s lives. That is why at weddings it is very special when a childhood friend offers to say a few words of congratulation in this model with emphasis on a long acquaintance with the bride. Jane Doe and I grew up in the old neighborhood where our parents met at a yard sale. Just infants then, we soon became playmates since our families lived just four houses apart. Our budding friendship took root when we started school, and soon we had become inseparable pals in a relationship built on a foundation of solidarity and punctuated by occasional squabbles that were soon patched up. During adolescence, Jane and I talked about meeting our dream guys. I wanted one that was slender and blond, while Jane preferred dark and solid. As you can see, she found her dream guy in John Doe. Jane didn’t date much. She was quiet and somewhat studious, but daydreams as well as knowledge filled her head. Jane had a realistic plan for her future, one that included a man like John. It was just a matter of timing. Well, we grew up, graduated high school, and looked around for the next thing to do. I went to cosmetology school, and Jane got an office job. As adults, life went on more quickly. Before we knew it, we were 22 and wondering what the next step in life should be. That was when Jane met John. I wish I could say it was evident right away that he was the one for her, but to me he seemed like just another guy to date. They worked at the same office, had met at the company cafeteria, and started going out on Friday and Saturday nights. As Jane told me more and more about her new boyfriend, I began to wonder if he were the one. Sure enough, within a year they were engaged. Their engagement lasted about ten months, just long enough for Jane to have some doubts about it. But they talked things out and here we all are today! Jane and I have had so much fun for the first 20-something years of our lives, and I hope our friendship will continue into the future. Here’s to John and Jane’s happily-ever-after marriage! * * * Speech #2: College or career-based friend of groom Sometimes guys don’t like to talk much while on the job or at a sports event. That is what makes speeches from a guy friend so unique at a wedding reception. Thoughtfully planned and executed, a man’s best wishes to his pal convey feelings of celebration and camaraderie. John and I have worked in different departments at the same business for about three years. We got acquainted while playing on the company’s softball team. Then we joined the same gym. As it turned out, our departments sometimes hold joint meetings, so we’ve had several opportunities to work together and have gotten to know each other. He invited me to his parents’ house one year for Thanksgiving when my mom couldn’t make it here and a big project kept me from leaving town. He’s a great guy.

After our first few conversations, I knew we’d hit it off. John has this really offbeat sense of humor that I can totally relate to. It’s like a dry wit that few people today have or understand. When we hang out, he can say the oddest things but I’ll know exactly what he means. John dated a few girls over the time that I knew him, but none seemed to grab his heart. He would admire something about one, and another quality in someone else. But you could tell he just hadn’t found the person he wanted to spend his life with. Then I started hearing about this girl named Jane. I don’t know what it was, but his eyes seemed brighter when he talked about her. He would get this dreamy look, and I figured, ‘Look out, he’s on the brink of falling in love.’ And that’s what happened. Oh, John’s work never suffered or anything like that. He still holds high standards for himself and others. But his soul expanded to let Jane in, and he’s been different ever since. I would catch him on the phone before the workday began or checking his email at lunch. This guy who had once been Mr. Independent was evolving into Mr. Married Guy. We would go out for coffee sometimes and John would start telling me all the neat things that Jane did. ‘Oh, she volunteers here, and she’s getting a degree in Communications, yada, yada, yada.’ It began to feel like a threesome whenever John and I did something together. It wasn’t that I minded, of course. I soon met Jane and realized right away how special she is. I could see that she doted on him as much as he was crazy about her. So I asked John all the right questions when I had a chance, like what made this girl special and how long did he think it would last, and so on. He sailed right through with all the right answers, so I gave them my blessing. That was right after Jane asked me to join them for dinner and she made this unbelievable apple pie for dessert. I never used to believe in love at first sight or engagements of less than a year. But John and Jane have changed all that. I raise my glass to their happiness and good fortune at finding each other so early in life! * * * Speech #3: Friend of both bride and groom When someone who has known both bride and groom a long while decides to make a speech, the words are bound to carry special meaning. Few objective non-family members are acquainted with both newlyweds, so this type of speech offers insight and originality. I have known John and Jane Doe for a very long time, first as individuals, and later as a couple. John was my next-door neighbor for many years. I worked with Jane at her father’s produce market while I was in college. She was just a freckle-faced girl then. Little did I know that she would hook up with my long-time neighbor. At that point they didn’t even know each other. Living so close to John, I saw his best and worst sides. He was a big help to his parents, who ran the little community grocery store. He would work the register all day and half the night sometimes, especially in the summer, with just a few short breaks. We’d swap jokes sometimes when I went down to the store for a loaf of bread or a gallon of milk. Then we would get to talking and he told me how he squandered the money he

made working there. Of course, he was just a teenager then, but it was kind of funny to hear him talk while right there in the store. I guess his dad heard about it, though, and set his spending habits straight. After he got home from work, we would hang around and maybe go to the movies or bowl or something. John was a nice kid, totally all American. Jane and I had a blast working at the farm market just outside of town. She was funny and cute, and I had a crush on her. She never knew, though, since I treated her like my sister. That’s how she met John later, though. We were talking about some local stores that might want to buy her father’s vegetables. I told her about John’s family store, though I didn’t mention him by name. She told her dad, and he checked into it. Sure enough, the store would sell the produce. It was when she and her dad took the stuff up there that she and John met. She never had eyes for me after that, but I understood. They dated a couple of years, went to college together, and came back engaged. John and Jane made a great couple. Both were fun loving and mischievous, but when one went too far, the other pulled back, making a nice balance to avoid trouble. I got a date and the four of us went out a few times. I was struck by how easily Jane and John could talk and get along. They bickered once in a while, like any couple does, but overall they seemed to get along pretty well. All of us had fun together, and I looked forward to getting together with them. Now that we all have professional jobs and I got married a couple of years ago, those times seem a million miles away. My wife Kara and I are delighted that John and Jane have come this far and now are husband and wife. Please join me in raising a glass to our esteemed bride and groom! * * * Speech #4: Friend of bride’s or groom’s parents Watching a close friend’s child grow up is a special privilege. Being asked to commemorate those observations at the adult child’s wedding is better yet. These expressions of nostalgia and insight take a special place in the hearts of listening guests. John Doe has held a special place in my heart since the year he turned 10 and won the local Pinewood Derby. His dad, who travels with his job a lot, asked me to stand in for him at the big race. I did so gladly, and young John’s car actually placed. He had the widest smile you ever did see on a boy his age. And that freckled face of his made me think of my brother, who had passed away as a child. Living as close to his family as we did, I often spotted John on the lawn with his toys or riding his bike down the road when I would stop over to watch a television ball game with his dad on weekends. As some of you may know, John’s dad had a stroke when the boy was 16. A few months later the man died, leaving a fatherless son behind. I asked Wendy, John’s mom, if I could take him to the ballgame occasionally like his father and I had done. She gladly gave her permission, and before long, John and I had developed a close friendship. I guess I filled in for his missing father at times, and my two sons were grown already, so I appreciated the company on fishing trips when a few of us locals went out to the lake for the day. John was a good-natured boy, and he didn’t mind the old stories we used to tell.

He was a good sport, too, and would keep baiting his hook every time a sneaky fish took off with his worm or a lure. Watching John grow into a fine young man gave me a sense of undeserved pride. He almost seemed like another son to me, yet he was so much like his father that it hurt me sometimes to see him. Their family attended the same church we did, and my heart would ache to watch him sit there with his mother and put some of his own hard-earned money in the offering basket when it came around. I knew they didn’t have much, and his mother was already giving something. But that was John, always ready to give to someone in greater need than he was. He brought Jane to meet me just before they got engaged. So many years had passed, and John and built a life around his job after his mother passed away, so I didn’t see him much then. But I still heard bits and pieces of news from the neighbors, and I was thrilled to meet his girlfriend. They looked so good together that I knew it was a match made in Heaven. Now I hear that he and Jane go fishing sometimes. I wonder who waits their hooks? Everyone in our neighborhood wishes John and Jane all the best. Thanks, John, for helping a lonely guy stay connected. Take care, and many good wishes for joy and happiness in your marriage to Jane. * * * Speech #5: Friend who brought the couple together Being the one to thank for the couple’s bliss and the resulting marriage party conveys a sense of honor to this speaker. Noting how the couple met and commenting on initial impressions of both individually and then as a couple make for an interesting presentation. Folks, you have me to thank for this wonderful display of food, festivity, and fun. I introduced John to Jane a few years ago, and today we’re celebrating their nuptials. John was a crazy, fun-loving guy whose last thought was to settle down and get married. Jane was busy establishing a career when the love bug bit her. I sneakily devised a plan to put them in each other’s way, and voila! Here they are as Mr. And Mrs. It all began in a little coffee shop where I used to hang out while in college. After graduation, I went there sometimes to work on job projects by doodling at the table or drafting a report. I knew who John was because he had been coming there for a while, too. Then, when Jane stopped in for a cup of java one rainy afternoon, I began to link her in my mind with John. It wasn’t that I felt this overwhelming matchmaking urge or anything. It was more like, ‘This s a cute girl, a nice girl, and I’ll bet she would love to go out with John Doe.’ Sure enough, I described her to John the next time he came in, and he wanted to meet Jane. I wasn’t sure whether to set up a blind date or make it look like an accident. Before I could make up my mind, a few days later Jane stopped in while John and I were having coffee and a Danish. She paused by my table with a greeting as I started to get up, so I introduced her to John, who was immediately smitten. It was harder to read Jane’s face, but within a few days she and I had a chance to talk, and she admitted that John

seemed interesting. I set it up so that she would join John and me for coffee the following week. John and I had made plans to meet, so having Jane come into the shop at that time would seem natural, and John would enjoy having anyone join us since he’s a people person. It went like clockwork. John and I got there first at 11:15. Jane came in precisely at 11:30. Soon we were chatting like old friends over lunch (my treat), and John asked for her phone number. After a few weeks they were asking me to join their table, and they had become a twosome. I was seeing a girl name Shelly then, so the four of us went out to eat or got theater tickets or something along those lines. The more time I spent with John and Jane, the more compatible and right for each other they seemed. There was this one time when they had a spat and Jane left in a huff. But in a couple days things were back to normal, and they seemed happier than usual. Since then, things have gone better than ever. They got engaged last Christmas, and here we are today to celebrate their lifetime love. Who would have thought that a coffeehouse encounter would bring together two delightful people who deserve each other?

Speech #1: Mother of the bride When the bride’s mother stands to speak, everyone listens. This is typically the poignant expression of a mother’s heart in letting go of the daughter she has protected since birth. The speech can take a humorous or affectionate approach, but typically includes reflections on the bride’s character and personality as well as comments on the mother-daughter relationship and the loosening of the apron strings. I would like to share with my daughter Jane and her husband John the joy and sorrow I feel today. As I look at my beautiful daughter dressed in her wedding finery, I can hardly believe this cultivated, radiant girl is the child I have raised for twenty-something years. My little girl who I fondly recall with a ponytail and braces has grown up to become a bride in a gown with a train. I hardly recognize this calm, self-possessed young woman who has taken a husband today because I keep remembering a small girl who would ask me over and over, “Mom, am I pretty? What will I be when I grow up? Will I find someone like Daddy to marry?” The answers to those precious questions have begun to unfold. Honey, you are lovely beyond words. I only hope the photographs do you justice. With your grandmother Helen’s hair, my eyes, and your daddy’s smile, you got everything a hopeful young girl might ask for. Your gracefulness is apparent when you move or speak. A flawless complexion and a healthy form are two more ways that your prettiness shines for all to see. More than that, however, is the internal loveliness of your heart. Looking always for the goodness in others, you are seldom disappointed and manage to find it. You refuse to compromise your values, and thus provide an unassuming model of inspiration to others.

Earning a degree in social work showed the measure of your character. As a child you had a heart for those in need, and now you have the means to do something about it. The fact that you have worked you way up in the agency to become a supervisor in two years’ time reveals your dedication to this noble undertaking. Your clients and co-workers love you, confirming that you have chosen your career well.

And as for your bridegroom, well, I think he bears an uncanny resemblance to your father in many striking ways. He has your dad’s no-nonsense attitude toward getting things done, like redoing the plumbing in his house—the one where you now will live. And he also has a heart for animals, which will keep the two of you busy when strays wander through or come to live with you. Your father and your husband share a love for sports events, which thankfully gets me off the hook! John Doe is exactly the man I would have chosen for you if I had been asked to do so. Thankfully, your father shares my sentiments.

Darling, today is the proudest and happiest day of my life. Our joy is tinged with sorrow, though, in losing the little girl that I led by the hand through life to this point. Now John, it will be your turn to take our daughter’s hand and walk with her the rest of the way.

* * * Speech #2: Mother of the groom

The groom’s mother takes a special place in the ceremonial proceedings. As figurative matriarch, she represents the bridegroom’s family, so her speech will set the tone for the bride’s joining the family by proclaiming words of welcome or warning—or perhaps a little of both! On this momentous occasion, I want to extend a warm and lifelong welcome to our new daughter-in-law, Jane Doe. We have known Jane a few years now, and we are grateful for the happiness that she has brought our son, John. Jane has done this in several ways, proving her ingenuity and determination to make their relationship a successful one. John, likewise, has demonstrated an ongoing commitment to protecting Jane’s interests. Clearly, they have found in each other a life partner to love and cherish. While Jane looks to their health needs by urging John to eat plenty of fruits and vegetables, exercise, and take vitamins, John takes care of their transportation needs. He makes sure both of their cars get oil changes on time and run on four solid tires. Healthy bodies need healthy vehicles to take them where they need to go! Jane makes doctor appointments and John makes tune-up appointments. Scheduled maintenance for human and car bodies is important to ensure that both continue to operate as they should. Another way that Jane looks after their well-being as a couple is by arranging social events that keep them from becoming bored with each other or stagnant as a couple. Jane takes a balanced approach by getting tickets with other couples for many kinds of programs, from opera to football and anything in between. For his part, John encourages their attending worship services together each week. He also urges Jane to go out with the girls at least once a month while he does the same with the guys. They appreciate the value of spending time apart as well as together to forge a wholesome relationship that will go the distance. I’ve heard them say they plan to learn something new together each year. Jane, for example, wants to study a foreign language and maybe plan a family vacation someday to the land where she can use her skills. John would like to learn how to pilot a plane. While Jane claims she has no desire to take one off the ground, she has agreed to take lessons in the simulator, and John’s banking on that to change her mind for real flying. You have to admit, this couple’s plans to keep their relationship alive and exciting are anything but boring. With a positive attitude like theirs, happily ever after should be a certainty! Older generations have seen the battle scarred remains of relational conflict and abandonment. We have learned that it takes a strong commitment and a creative attitude to make relationships work today in the face of so many trials and temptations that young couples will face. That is why we are glad John married Jane, and we have every hope of their enjoying a long and mutually satisfying marriage. * * * Speech #3: Step-mother of the bride Today many stepparents fill the role of biological parents at their offspring’s weddings. Sometimes the parental role is shared in presenting several speeches or sharing functions;

at other times, a stepparent may be asked to do the honors in lieu of a natural parent. Here is an example of what a stepmother might say in her speech to the couple. When I joined Jane’s family to become her step-mom about eight years ago, it was a scary challenge for me. I wondered how I would ever be able to compete with the wonderful mother they had lived with for so many years. Then, as I looked at those children’s wondering faces, I realized competition was unnecessary. All I needed to do was fill in the gaps wherever I was needed. That strategy served us well in those early days, and today it works well, too. We never expected to lose Alicia a year ago, and I never expected to stand here as the bride’s mother to make this speech. But I am proud and honored to do so, knowing that I could never do the job that Alicia could. But like her, I love all the children, and today it is with difficulty that we let Jane go to enter her husband’s family and welcome her back with John as a married couple. Jane was the compliant one in the family. Whatever her parents, including me, said, she did it without question. Her obedience touched my heart and won my admiration. I don’t know if I could have been so good under such circumstances. I might have given a stepmother a pretty hard time! But Jane didn’t do that. Being the oldest of the three and a teen at that, she encouraged them to listen to me when I lectured them, which fortunately was not often. She helped to make them mind and made sure their chores got done. Jane sometimes made suggestions in her quiet way about how to get her younger brothers to cooperate more. Grateful for her advice, I followed it and got good results. As I’m sure her new husband John will agree, Jane is sensible and practical. Rather than being self-serving, she looks to the needs of others to make sure they are comfortable and that things are going as well as can be expected. These assets will help to make her marriage stable and solid, and her children will grow up in a peaceful, well organized home. Divorced parents raised me, and it was difficult. Jane also grew up in a home changed by divorce and remarriage, but she has not let potential divisiveness affect her. She has a clear vision of building a marriage that will last, having learned from the mistakes of others. She and John believe in the sanctity of marriage, and they want that for themselves and their family. I applaud their commitment to preserving their union, and Jane’s father and I will do everything in our power to support this young couple in whatever capacity we can. God speed to you both! * * * Speech #4: Foster mother Many children grow up in foster care, and it is a great thing when they stay with one family for a long period of time rather than be shuffled from one to another. When familial bonds form, they can be lasting, which is why some foster mothers may be invited to make a speech at the wedding of a child that they raised over a period of time. I feel very honored to be asked to say a few words about my foster child, John Doe. As many of you know, John came to live with us when he was just nine years old

after both parents were killed in a car accident. We thought then he would be with us just a few months until a family could arrange the paperwork for his adoption. But somehow that never happened, and John remained part of our family for the next nine years. I’m sure you have heard the horror stories of raising foster children. To be honest, none of that surfaced with John. He was the sweetest little boy, all ears and eyes, picking up on everything around him. John got along very well with our five-year-old and eleven-year-old sons. They bonded as brothers, and I believe they all still feel the same way today. My husband and I certainly view John as a member of our family and wanted to adopt him, but the social worker felt that John had a right to his own family name and heritage since his parents had died rather than surrendered him due to negligence. John is the kind of son that every mother dreams of. Courteous, helpful, and insightful about what needs to be done, even before asking. He always represented me as his “mother,” not his “foster mother,” at school events, community festivals, and so on. We introduced him as our son wherever we went, and no one thought of him any differently. As he grew up, graduated from high school, and went on to college, we felt like he took a little piece of our family with him. It wasn’t as though we wanted to launch the boy and be done with him. John was our son, and I longed to maintain the maternal bond as long as possible. Fortunately, John felt the same way. He wrote letters home all the time. Then, when he met Jane, he knew right away that she was the one, although he took his time in getting to know her to be sure for both their sakes. They even broke up for several months to date other people, but they couldn’t stay apart forever. Now that they’ve both graduated from college and have good jobs, it seems like John is again poised on the edge of a new adventure, this time with Jane at his side. She treats us as in-laws, for which we love her. We look forward to bonding with John and Jane’s children when they come along and maintaining the family ties we have enjoyed for more than 15 years. * * * Speech #5: Surrogate mother Sometimes a special woman plays an important part in watching over young children as they grow up. It might be a neighbor lady, a mentor figure, or someone from church or the extended community family. This might be a person who spots a need and steps in for many people, or she could be one who has simply served a particular function in the bride or groom’s life. Watching little Jane grow up in the neighborhood, you could see she was a gifted child. Oh, most folks wouldn’t be able to tell from her naughty behavior, since that girl was always getting into trouble! But that was because she was so smart. Her brain needed something to latch onto, and without books or ideas or something, she gravitated toward the more active kids who always had the latest music and talk going on. Jane was a natural leader and the kids knew it. So did her teachers, and that’s why they put her in charge of so many things—to keep her out of mischief. Jane would stop by my apartment to see how I was doing. “You okay, Mrs. Brown?” she would ask, poking her head in the half-open door. “Yes, child, I’m fine. But

what about you?” With an impish smile she would be off, as I called after her to mind her manners or tie her shoes, or something to get her to pull herself together. Later, when she was about 13 or 14, she stopped by and I would make us a cup of tea. Like all teenagers, she loved being treated like an adult, and we shared many a story of my past and her future, what she wanted in life, where she was headed and all. “Girl, you get yourself an education,” I told her. “People can take away your name, your riches, and everything else you got, but they can’t take away what you know.” Well, she followed my advice and went on to college, making top grades there. Then she got a job and came back to this area to help the other kids like her. She would come and tell me about this or that troubled child, wondering what she could do to help them. “Tell them about your own life,” I suggested. “Let them see that if you could survive and make something of yourself, so can they.” She would jump up and kiss my cheek, and away she would go, still full of life. Then one day she brought John Doe with her to see me. I could tell by the way they looked at each other and listened to one another talk that this was the real deal. Later she told me, “Mrs. Brown, John and I are so much alike. He shares my dreams for a better world. And I admire his strength and courage.” Well, here we are today, and I am very proud of that little girl who could have gotten into deep trouble but managed instead to turn her life around and make a good thing out of it. Together, she and John will make things better for others. Just remember that I knew you ‘when,’ honey!