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Immanuel Lifestyle Student Handbook

Curriculum Developed ByMargaret WebbJessica Handy

Leren Chamberlain

Table of Contents

WEEK 1: Relational Circuits 3 RELATIONAL CIRCUITS PRACTICE 6

WHAT IS THE IMMANUEL APPROACH? 8

RELATIONAL CIRCUITS SUMMARY 10

RELATIONAL CIRCUITS EXERCISES 11

WEEK 2: Securely Attached Relationship 12 SECURE ATTACHMENT STORY NOTES 16

SECURE ATTACHMENT SUMMARY 17

WEEK 3: Finding and Sharing a Connection 18 CONNECTION STORY NOTES 21

CONNECTING WITH IMMANUEL 22

SHARING A CONNECTION STORY 23

WEEK 4: Deepening the Connection 24 OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS 27

WEEK 5: Return to Joy 28 THE JOY RING 32

WEEK 6: Facilitated Connection Experiences 34WEEK 7: Next Steps and Facilitated Connection 36 SHARING MY IMMANUEL STORY 39

WEEK 8: Gratitude 40 IMMANUEL LIFESTYLE GROUP: POSSIBLE STRUCTURE 41

SCRIPTURE SUPPORT 42

IMMANUEL RESOURCES BIBLIOGRAPHY 47

THE IMPORTANCE OF CONFIDENTIALITY 50

CONFIDENTIALITY AGREEMENT 51

HOLD HARMLESS AGREEMENT 52

IMMANUEL LIFESTYLE CLASS FEEDBACK 53

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WEEK 1: RELATIONAL CIRCUITS

Understanding:

Immanuel Prayer focuses on relationship and connection rather than pain What Relational Circuits are and why they matter

Skills:

Identifying when Relational Circuits are on and off Using RC Exercises to turn them back on

INTRODUCTIONSClass goal: Increase each person’s capacity to have an interactive relationship with God.

This -- EXPERIENTIAL CONNECTION WITH GOD -- is the foundation for deep and lasting:

o spiritual growth

o healing from painful experiences & life events

o relationships with others (& unity in the Body of Christ)

What to expect: Knowledge-based teaching informed by an understanding of the brain.

Experiential exercises to discover how relational connection occurs with God and others.

Specific explanations and skills to intentionally increase understanding of & capacity for relational connection.

Practical examples, demonstrations, and reflection on Immanuel as a lifestyle, with foundation laid for Immanuel as an intervention & Immanuel as a prayer ministry.

Sources & resources: Alive and Well website - www.alivewell.org

Vimeo – vimeo.com/aliveandwell

IMMANUEL RESOURCES handout – see end of Week 1 in your handbook

People :

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o Dr. Karl Lehman - immanuelapproach.com

o Dr. Jim Wilder & Shepherd’s House – joystartshere.com

Chris & Jen Coursey - THRIVE

Ed Khouri – Connexus / Thriving Recovery

TEACHING: RELATIONAL CIRCUITSWhat are they & why do they matter?

Joy is relational connection: “Someone is glad to be with me.”

Our brains have circuits that guide our relational connections with God and others.

What is it like to have our RCs on? Off?

When RCs are on, the person is more important than the problem.

When RCs are off, we can notice and intervene to get them back on.

RCs are off when…

o I just want to make a problem, person or feeling go away.o I don’t want to listen to what others feel or say.o My mind is “locked onto” something upsetting.o I don’t want to be connected to __________ (someone I usually like).o I just want to get away, fight or freeze.o I more aggressively interrogate, judge and fix others.

TRIAD EXERCISE: RELATIONAL CIRCUITS STORIESEach triad member share a 3-minute story of a time when your RCs were on. Include details about the event, your emotions & your body, just as Jessie did in her example about the hotel room.

What clues do you have that your RCs are on based on the event you just shared about? What clues do you have based on the group’s interactions as you shared your stories?

Each triad member share a 3-minute story of a time when your RCs were off. Include details about the event, your emotions & your body.

How do you know when your RCs are off?

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GROUP EXERCISE: RELATIONAL CIRCUIT EXERCISESIf our RCs are off, how do we get them back on?

RC Exercises/Shalom for my body

o Moro Reflex (startled, either angry or scared)

o First Aid Yawn (alternate facing right and left)

o Attachment Center Exercise (breathe in and tap, breathe out and massage)

o 4x each ~ “When I am afraid, I will trust in you, O Lord.” (Ps 56:3)

Expressing Gratitude

Attunement

LIVING THE IMMANUEL LIFESTYLE

1. Noticing RCs on/off: Practice doing the RC exercises & record what you notice.

2. Follow the directions for the Relational Circuits Practice below.

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Relational Circuits Practice1

The purpose of this exercise is to help you recognize when your & others’ relational circuits are on and off. Identify one person in your life to observe. Go through the following steps and spend the next week focusing on this relationship. Make sure you choose someone with whom you will spend time this week. You will also be observing yourself in many different settings and relationships throughout the week.

1. Pay attention to the person you have chosen for the week. Identify and write down at least three times this week when you have noticed his/her relational circuits were ON. What signals told you his/her RCs were on? Make a list of these signals and notice which ones are consistently there when his/her RCs are on.

RCs on time #1 -

RCs on time #2 -

RCs on time #3 -

2. Pay attention to the person you have chosen for the week. Identify and write down at least three times this week when you have noticed his/her relational circuits were OFF. What signals told you his/her RCs were off? Make a list of these signals and notice which ones are consistently there when his/her RCs are off.

RCs off time #1 -

RCs off time #2 -

RCs off time #3 -

3. Note down the same things for yourself:

1 Based roughly on THRIVE Year One Basic Skill Training Exercise 3.3

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RCs on time #1 -

RCs on time #2 -

RCs on time #3 -

RCs off time #1 -

RCs off time #2 -

RCs off time #3 -

What are your most common signals that your own RCs are on? off?

4. How can your observations about RCs improve the quality of your own life & your relationships? Be specific about how & when you can apply this learning.

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What is the Immanuel Approach?

The Immanuel Approach offers a process that is very useful to help people connect to the Lord in a prayer ministry session.

Immanuel Prayer is a process of connecting personally and interactively with the Lord, and removing barriers and hindrances to an intimate, interactive lifestyle of connection with him. The goal is to build and deepen a securely attached relationship with the Lord, one that increases our capacity to stay connected to him even in difficult life situations or painful experiences.

Two aspects – Healing Lifestyle and Healing Ministry

1) Healing Lifestyle – to develop secure attachment to Jesus in order to experience his presence as part of everyday life, to be able to access his presence in the midst of painful feelings and experience, to share them with Him and receive His perspective and truth.

2) Healing Ministry – a facilitated prayer experience. “Interacting with Immanuel (God Who is With Us) in a way that resolves painful life experiences.”

Definitions:

Connecting With Jesus – a specific way of connecting informed by understanding the relational connection circuits in the R brain – experiential rather than informational.

Augment Capacity – “How much biological, psychological, and spiritual intensity a person can handle before some part of his combined brain-mind-spirit system ‘blows a fuse’ and disconnects or malfunctions.” Relationship with Jesus augments our capacity to face painful emotions and memory.

Securely Attached Relationship – Jesus is the perfect source of secure attachment. He is always with us, knows and understands us perfectly, is always glad to be with us, is perfectly safe, wise and helpful to be with in our painful emotions and experience.

Relational Connection Joy – The experience of being in attuned relational connection with another person (Jesus) and can perceive that they (He) get you and are glad to be with you even in the middle of painful emotions and experiences.

Pain becomes trauma when we are alone in it, it overwhelms our capacity, and it can’t be processed.

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4 Basic Principles

1) It is more powerful for people to have their own interaction with Jesus and receive images, truths, words, scripture, etc directly from Him than from someone else. Be more interested in what the Lord is giving them than what you are getting for them.

2) Healing is more likely to happen from a place of positive relational connection than from a place of pain.

3) People are more likely to have a fresh encounter with Jesus when they remember a previous encounter or an experience of deep appreciation for something the Lord has done or who he is.

4) It is possible to help people who have difficulty connecting personally with the Lord by using the Immanuel approach.

4 Immanuel Distinctives

1) A focused and intentional process for connecting with the Lord rather than a random occurrence.

2) Laser focused on repairing the relational damage rather than on getting rid of the pain.

3) We don’t revisit the pain unless the recipient is connected to Jesus. This prevents the retraumatization of reliving the pain while feeling alone and unconnected.

4) Allows Jesus to totally guide the process of relational repair and healing of pain in the place of intimate connection with him.

Paradigm Shift – Getting Connected to Jesus

Primary Distinctive of Immanuel – paradigm shift in focus.

Start every session by getting connected to Jesus (or appreciation).

Keep or reestablish the connection throughout the session.

Being connected is the whole point, more important than the pain or the memory.

If can’t connect with Jesus’ presence (or appreciation experience), that becomes the primary focus of the session, not pain and memory. It can be retraumatizing to enter into the R Brain unprocessed pain zone alone and get stuck there unable to connect with Jesus.

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Relational Circuits Summary2

Our minds and brains are designed to live in a relational world where everything is in shalom. This Hebrew word means everything is in the right relationship, at the right time, in the right place, at the right strength and in the right amount for God and people. In the Life Model we call this being synchronized. At the center of this synchronization are our brain's relational circuits. If we lose our peace, particularly in relationships, these relational circuits can start to shut down. With our vital relational circuits partly or deeply off, problems get bigger, we can treat people like objects, our cravings become monsters, we can deeply hurt those we love, expressing feelings and opinions becomes a weapon, communication hurts others instead of making things shalom again.

When the best of our brain and spirit are in shalom we are open, interested, flexible, self-reflective and use all our senses. We work to have the other person collaborate with us to reach understanding. We receive, process, respond, explore, understand and join. When we lose shalom our brain suspends the best brain and relational functions: self-reflection, attunement and mind sight. We feel alone, disconnected, and purposeless. We lose our sense of possibility and our role in the current situation, group or activity.

We can turn our relational circuits back on and regain shalom by deliberately focusing on appreciation and gratitude or by receiving attunement from someone else.

Simple Test: Is the problem bigger than the relationship?

Relational Circuits Checklist

1 I just want to make a problem, person or feeling go away.2 I don’t want to listen to what others feel or say.3 My mind is “locked onto” something upsetting.4 I don’t want to be connected to __________ (someone I usually like).5 I just want to get away, fight or freeze.6 I more aggressively interrogate, judge and fix others.

If I answered YES to any of the above, my relational circuits are OFF. Everything related to relational conflict will turn out better when my relational circuits are back ON.

DVD of Jim Wilder’s lectures on Relational Circuits updated in 2010 available from www.lifemodel.org and www.deeperwalkinternational.com.

2 Text quoted and modified from the Belonging Module of Thriving Recovery. Copyright E. James Wilder Ph.D. and Ed Khouri 2009. Relational Circuits Test from THRIVE Training. Accessible at www.thrivetoday.org. Includes items from the Lehman Relational Connection Circuit Checklist by Karl Lehman M.D.

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Relational Circuits Exercises3

Moro Reflex

Throw arms up and back, throw head back, widen eyes, sharp intake of breath (throw legs apart).

Slowly bring head and arms down, cross arms on chest (legs together) on exhale.

Say “Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in you, O Lord” (or other meaningful & related scripture passage or prayer).

Repeat 4 times.

First Aid Yawn

Face to the R, R leg and arm up, open mouth wide and yawn slowly.

Slowly putting arm and leg down on the exhale, reciting “Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in you, O Lord” (or other meaningful & related scripture passage or prayer).

Switch to L side, open wide and yawn slowly. Stretch out on exhale, reciting the verse/prayer.

Repeat 4 times.

Attachment Center Exercise

Fingertips under clavicle on both sides.

Deep inhale as you tap back and forth at moderate speed.

Massage in circles as you exhale slowly and recite the verse/prayer.

Change speeds. Faster in, slower out.

Repeat 4 times.

3 For more exercises, see Dr. Karl Lehman’s book Outsmarting Yourself, p. 199ff.

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WEEK 2: SECURELY ATTACHED RELATIONSHIPUnderstanding:

The ultimate goal of Immanuel is securely attached relationship with the Lord What secure attachment is and why it matters

Skills:

Identifying and sharing secure attachment stories Expressing gratitude to the Lord

Class goal: Increase each person’s capacity to have an interactive relationship with God.

This -- EXPERIENTIAL CONNECTION WITH GOD -- is the foundation for deep and lasting:

o spiritual growth

o healing from painful experiences & life events

o relationships with others (& unity in the Body of Christ)

In other words…

IMMANUEL PRAYER is connecting personally and interactively with the Lord and removing barriers and hindrances to an intimate, interactive lifestyle of connection with Him. The goal is to build and deepen a securely attached relationship with the Lord, one that increases capacity to stay connected to Him, even in difficult life situations or painful experiences.

REVIEW IN GROUPS: RELATIONAL CIRCUITS1. How are things going with RC exercises? In what circumstances are you doing

them? What are you noticing?

2. What did you discover this week about your own RCs being off & on?

3. What did you observe about the other person’s RCs?

4. How can your observations about RCs improve the quality of your own life and your relationships? Be specific about how and when you can apply this learning.

TEACHING: SECURELY ATTACHED RELATIONSHIPWhy learn about secure attachment?Being in intimate relationship with God is the GOAL of the Immanuel Lifestyle

Focusing on attachment/connection is the PROCESS for increasing intimacy with

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God and others.

Immanuel offers us:

o A process for the RENEWING OF THE MIND

o Building CAPACITY for secure relationship with God and others

o HOPE for change if our relationship capacity isn't optimum

o Brings to LIFE scripture about relationship with GOD

What is secure attachment like?You have a deep, subjective, intuitive feeling that:

You are seen and known for who you really are.

You feel:

Loved ~ Connected ~ Understood ~ Relationally Safe

You can be:

Vulnerable ~ Transparent

You expect that:

The other person will tune in to you and respond to you appropriately.

If conflicts arise, you are confident that they can and will be resolved.

You deeply feel that the relationship is stable and safe, that it will endure over time.

You trust that emotional connection and attunement with that person will be available when you need them.

“FEELING FELT” (Curt Thompson, Anatomy of the Soul)

How is SAR Developed? (Description from OUTSMARTING YOURSELF by Dr. Karl Lehman)

Repeated experiences of:

o Having your parents physically and emotionally available when you need them.

o Having your parents tune in to you: see you, understand you, share your emotions, join you in your experience, and be glad to be with you.

o Having your parents respond appropriately to the unique situations you bring to them.

o Successful repair of the relationship with your parents after some kind of conflict has causes a rupture in the relationship.

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Optimum Bonding/AttachmentBrain comes on line for BONDING/ATTACHMENT in first18-24 months (preverbal, subconscious, experiential, body).

Builds capacity for JOY - Relational Connection Joy.

Lays down the platform for emotional development and secure identity formation.

Leads to emotional strength, healthy adult relationships, platform for strong character, and the ability to suffer well

The Immanuel LifestyleInformed by this understanding of the development of attachment in the brain.

Designed to focus on the attachment not the pain.

Builds our capacity for Securely Attached Relationship.

Builds neurons in the brain necessary for living from Securely Attached Relationship.

Teaches us skills that lead to Securely Attached Relationship w/ God and others.

Skills that increase secure attachmentSKILL: Focusing on Connection (more on this next week!)

o Recognizing a Connection Experience

o Developing the Experience into a Connection Story

o Sharing the Connection Story with others

o Learning how to use Connection Experiences to develop our relationship with the Lord

SKILL: Expressing Gratitude to the Lord

o Deepens the connection to the experience

o Deepens the connection to the Lord

o Refreshes the connection in the here and now

o Builds relational connection pathways in the brain

TRIAD EXERCISE: SECURE ATTACHMENT EXPERIENCESTell what happened and/or describe the setting with details (5 senses).

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What emotions were you feeling?

How did this experience feel in your body?

Three ways to get RCs back on: RC Exercises/Shalom for my body

Expressing gratitude, especially verbally to another person and/or to the Lord

Receiving attunement


1. Keep doing RC exercises. Record what you notice.

2. Support network: Who are the key people in your support network? If there are gaps, how might you start filling them?

3. Write down 2 stories of securely attached relationship. Include what thoughts, emotions, and body sensations you experienced in secure attachment. For each story, bring with you an item that represents that experience.

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Secure Attachment Story Notes

Story #1 Name __________________________________________________

1. Briefly describe the situation:

2. List feeling words for this story:

3. During this story my body felt:

Story #2 Name __________________________________________________




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Secure Attachment Summary

An ideal connection with the Lord involves a secure attachment to him. Attachment4 is a function of a brain system that shapes one’s motivations, emotions and memory processes in relation to caregivers—for example, children seeking to be close to their parents and communicate with them. A person’s attachment style (secure/insecure) is developed during the formative years through relationships with primary caregivers. Attachment style is not situational but enduring and has a global effect on emotions, relationships, and experience of life.

Secure attachment...● motivates a child to seek parents for love, comfort and joy and is necessary for mental

and relational health● develops as parents attune to the child (are sensitive to its needs)● feels safe, secure, stable● is closely tied to love bonds

Insecure attachment...● develops as parents don’t attune to the child’s needs● feels unsafe, unstable, uncertain● is closely tied to fear bonds

Because we use the same parts of our brain to attach to God as we do with people, our attachment style deeply shapes our beliefs about and experience (or lack of experience) connecting with God.

In a securely attached relationship: You have a deep, subjective, and intuitive feeling that you are seen and known for who you really are.

You feel loved, connected, understood and relationally safe.

You can be vulnerable and transparent.

You expect that● The other person will attune to you and respond to you appropriately. ● If conflicts arise, you are confident that they can and will be resolved. ● You deeply feel that the relationship is stable and safe, that it will endure over

time. ● You trust that emotional connection and attunement with that person will be

available when you need them.

4 See Daniel Siegel’s The Developing Mind for more on attachment.

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WEEK 3: FINDING & SHARING A CONNECTIONUnderstanding:

What a connection experience is and why it matters Distinguishing between Appreciation and Interaction Connections

Skills: Finding and Sharing Connection Stories Listening well (practicing attunement)

REVIEW IN TRIADS: SECURE ATTACHMENT STORIES 2-3 minutes Show the object Thoughts, emotions, body 2-3 word name

TEACHING: FINDING AND SHARING A CONNECTION EXPERIENCEConnection IS the purpose.

EVERYBODY has a connection experience already.

It doesn’t have to be obviously about God, or even overtly “spiritual.”

It could be a place, person, experience, activity, pet, etc in the context of daily life & relationships.

What is a connection experience like? Warm, relaxed, comfortable, peaceful

Heard, seen, known, wanted

Fully present, I can be myself

Grateful, meaningful - touches my heart

When it’s with God, I feel totally loved and realize God knows me personally

Not just remembering that I like the smell of freshly baked bread but smelling it afresh as I think about it.

Distinguishing between Appreciation and Interaction:Appreciation - May not realize the experience is coming from the Lord, or it seems only indirectly from Him, because it comes through a “filter.”

Interaction/Interactive - Sense of directly engaging with the Lord, the experience coming specifically from Him to us.

Both types of connections can be used to bring spiritual growth & healing. Both can

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be deepened or strengthened in how experiential they are.

Appreciation connections, when deepened, may become interactive connections.

Practicing Connection helps reclaim our capacity to receive what’s good.

Connection Process:Heart Invitation ~ “Lord, I know you are here with me. Help me be aware of your presence.”

Connecting with the Lord ~ Ask the Lord to bring to mind a time when you felt personally connected to the him or had an experience for which you are deeply grateful.

Re-experience Connection ~ Details, senses, emotions, body, God?

Share your Story ~ 3 people in 24 hours.

Tips:Prayers do not have to be formal, clear, theological or well-spoken. They don’t even have to make logical sense to your adult mind. Just talk to the Lord like you would to a friend sitting with you.

Allow & express whatever you are really experiencing. Notice everything.

If you lose connection, remind yourself what the connection was like - event, emotions, body, meaning/significance.

We’re aiming for mild to moderate emotional intensity level at this point.

TRIAD EXERCISE: SHARE CONNECTION STORIESWhole class - guided connection

Individually - make notes, prepare story & name it

Form Triads - each triad member:

o share story

o partners attune & reflect emotion-laden words/phrases

o group identify connection as Appreciation or Interaction

Three ways to get RCs back on: Shalom for my body (includes RC exercises)

Expressing gratitude

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Receiving attunement

How to offer attunement:Listen well

Eye contact, open posture

Mirror facial expressions & voice tone

Notice how connected the storyteller is. Is he/she experiencing what he/she is talking about?

Reflect key words & phrases using their own words

Share what you noticed about the person’s RCs & nonverbal communication as they tell the story.


1. Keep doing RC exercises. Record what you notice.

2. Grow your connection experiences:

o NOTICE: Identify, name & record 2 connection stories from the past & 1 new one that happens between now & next Saturday. (Record your stories on the next page.)

o CULTIVATE: Plan time each day to remember & refresh a connection experience.

o SHARE: Share today’s connection story 2 more times (3x in 24 hrs).

3. Consider volunteering for the live demo next week.

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Connection Story Notes

Story #1 Name __________________________________________________




Story #2 Name __________________________________________________




Story #3 Name __________________________________________________




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Connecting With Immanuel

1 Heart Invitation

“Lord, I know you’re here with me. Help me be aware of your presence.”

2 Connecting with the presence of the Lord

Ask the Lord to bring to mind a time when you felt personally connected to him, either through a direct interaction or a sense of deep appreciation for who he is or what he has done.

3 Take time to re-experience that memory or moment of connection ● What happened? What did you see, sense, hear, feel, etc.?● What was that experience like for you?● What emotions were you feeling?● Where in your body did you feel that?● What did the Lord have for you in that experience?

4 Refresh the connection in the present

Express aloud to the Lord your gratitude for what you experienced in that connection until you have a sense of his presence with you now.

5 Ask the Lord if there is more

“Lord, I invite you to bring all you have for me right now.”

6 If you lose sense of the Lord’s presence, return to the connection (3).

Remind yourself of the concrete details of that experience until you feel again the sense of personal connection to the Lord or of deep appreciation.

7 Share your connection experience with three other people

Include details about what happened, your emotions & body, and what the Lord had for you there. Consider giving your story a 2-3 word name as a “handle” to retrieve it from memory later.

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Sharing a Connection Story5

Use a story the Lord brought to mind, or choose another one if you prefer. When choosing a story to share with people you don’t know well, consider the following:

● This story has a moderate feeling level and is not too intense● I have told this story before and/or feel comfortable telling it now● I do not need to be guarded in telling this story● This story is autobiographical (I am involved in the story)

Write out the main ideas of your Connection Story




Follow-up checklist for storyteller

● I showed the authentic emotion on my face and in my voice (R brain)● I maintained eye contact while storytelling (R brain)● I used feeling words for my emotions (R brain)● I used feeling words for my body sensations (R brain)● I told the story like I was involved (autobiographical) (L brain)● I kept my story concise (L brain)

5 Modified from THRIVE Year One Basic Skill Training: Mastering Joy and Rest.

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WEEK 4: DEEPENING THE CONNECTIONUnderstanding:

Why is connection so essential in the Immanuel Approach?

Skills: Using open-ended questions to deepen connection Recognizing whether someone’s connected Helping someone return to connection

REVIEW IN CLASS Relational Circuits Secure Attachment Connection Experiences

Why connection & attachment?Connection & Secure Attachment are the basis for:

o Building our capacity for relational connection joy.o Identity formation - learning who I am and how to “act like myself” in all

situations.o Taking risks (vulnerability) and handling stress well.o Providing connection and secure attachment for others.

Starting with Connection & Secure Attachment provides:(From Jim Wilder & Chris Coursey’s Share Immanuel booklet, (c)2010.)

o Guidance from the starting moment.

o A spot to return quickly if we get lost.

o A place to pause an incomplete healing process without staying in pain.

o Less confusion, distortion and resistance.

o Less time in our pain during the ministry session.

o A shorter healing process.

REVIEW IN GROUPS: CONNECTION STORIES1. Share with the group one of the connection stories you wrote down for

homework.

2. As you’ve noticed, cultivated, and shared connection experiences this week, what have you discovered?

3. How are things going with the RC exercises?

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4. Do you have a support network? If you are comfortable sharing, who are the key people in your network? Are there any gaps in your network? Do you have ideas on how to start filling those gaps?

TEACHING: DEEPENING THE CONNECTIONConnection ProcessHeart Invitation ~ “Lord, I know you are here with me. Help me be aware of your presence.”

Connecting with the Lord ~ Ask the Lord to bring to mind a time when you felt personally connected to him or a deep sense of appreciation.

Deepen Connection ~ Details, senses, emotions, body, God?

Refresh the Connection ~ Express gratitude aloud to the Lord.

Ask If There is More ~ “Lord, I invite you to bring all you have for me right now.”

Check the Connection ~ If you lose connection, go back & re-establish it.

Share ~ Goal: 3 people in 24 hours!

Tips:Prayers do not have to be formal, clear, theological or well-spoken. Just talk to the Lord like you would to a friend sitting with you.

Notice everything. Allow & express whatever you are really experiencing.

Facilitator: Tune in to verbal & nonverbal. Reflect key words/phrases. Use open-ended Qs to explore & deepen connection.

Stay connected! If you lose connection, don’t go further into disconnect or pain. Go back to connection.

LIVE DEMO: FACILITATING A CONNECTION

TRIAD EXERCISE: FACILITATING CONNECTION

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1. Plan time each day to remember & refresh a connection experience. Once you feel really connected, ask the Lord what else he has for you & notice what happens. Record and share your story.

2. Keep doing RC exercises . Record what you notice.

3. Watch a live demo online (blog category “Live Demonstrations”)

4. Reflect & note down truthfully how you’re feeling about connection and secure attachment: excited, discouraged, frustrated, tender, etc., and explain why.

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Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions require more than a simple “yes” or “no” answer. They make space for the facilitator and the recipient to discover what is happening within the recipient and between the recipient and the Lord. Open-ended questions are inviting, permission-giving, exploratory, interested, and evocative. Use them to focus on the recipient’s gut-level experience of connection. Below are some open-ended questions to consider. Feel free to add to this list as you come across other good questions.

Explore the Recipient’s Experience

○ Notice whatever you see/hear/sense/feel, and share when you’re ready.

Emotions

○ Are there emotions that go with that?

○ How does it feel to see/hear/sense/know (i.e., Jesus hears you) ?

Body

○ Are you aware of that feeling of (i.e., excitement) anywhere in your

body?

○ Take a moment and scan your body from head to toe, just noticing what

you feel.

Connection with the Lord

○ Are you still sensing (i.e., the peaceful silence of the meadow) ?

○ Restate key elements of the connection experience to help the recipient re-

connect.

○ Are you aware of the Lord there? (If so,) what is it like to be there with

him?

○ What’s Jesus doing/feeling/thinking as (i.e., he sits on the porch swing

with you) ?

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WEEK 5: RETURN TO JOYUnderstanding:

Defining A and B Trauma Painful emotions are valuable, but getting stuck in them is not Joy Capacity and the Pain Processing Pathway

Skills: Identifying our own patterns of connection and disconnection Practicing returning to joy

REVIEW IN GROUPS: RELATIONAL CIRCUITS & CONNECTION1. Are your RCs on right now? How do you know? (Do RC exercises in your group

when you’re done sharing.)

2. What moment in the last week are you most grateful for?

OR

When over the last week did you feel most connected to God, or to another person, place or thing?

3. Have you been taking time to remember & refresh your connection experiences? When & where do you usually do this? What has it been like for you?

AND

How are you feeling about connection in general? Why?

CLASS DISCUSSION1. How are you feeling about connection?2. What was it like facilitating and receiving last week?3. If you had a chance to watch one or more live demo videos online...

o What did you notice, learn, discover?o How did you respond as you watched?

4. Do you have any questions about the demo(s)?

TEACHING: RETURN TO JOYConnection is Central:Re-orienting ourselves around CONNECTION

o Is a better way to do what we’ve already been doing.o Takes time & intentionalityo Is not denial

A&B Trauma:

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Absence of good/needed things

Presence of Bad things

Which is more damaging?

Where do I get stuck in the processing pathway, and how can I get unstuck?

Redefining Trauma: Not bad stuff that happens but u n-processed experiences

Lack of awareness of God’s presence

Feeling/being alone, separated from connection & securely attached relationship (and, therefore, augmented capacity)

Pain Processing Pathway:(Image from Outsmarting Yourself by Dr. Karl Lehman)

Return to JoyThe “islands” metaphor

o SADNESS: Loss of something important/neededo SHAME: Alert to mis-attunement; someone is not glad to be with meo HOPELESS DESPAIR: Stop trying something that’s not workingo ANGER: Fight a dangero DISGUST: Avoid something harmfulo FEAR: Flee from danger

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o JOY: Someone’s glad to be with me. I feel connected.

The Purpose of ImmanuelThe Core Problem is the lack of a path back to connection & securely attached relationship. This is why RELATIONSHIP IS THE GOAL of the healing process.

The purpose of Immanuel Prayer is building relationship, getting back to RELATIONAL CONNECTION JOY, “God With Us.” Pain is addressed from within a connected experience.

CapacityCapacity is the amount of load that a system can handle, e.g. electrical circuits.

LOAD > CAPACITY = SHUT DOWN

Like electrical circuits, the brain shuts down when its capacity to handle pain is exceeded. Pain exceeds capacity in areas where we are isolated on one of the 6 negative emotion islands, where we were originally alone in an experience that caused an overload of the capacity of the brain/emotional system. The pain processing pathway wasn’t completed.

Securely attached relationship AUGMENTS capacity:

o to handle pain, o to suffer well, o to handle stress, o to meet challenges, o to do relationships well,o etc.

Community augments capacity.

The Lord is the best at augmenting capacity, increasing our ability to face old, unresolved trauma:

o He is always present.o He loves us with perfect love.o He is totally safe to be vulnerable with.o He is always GLAD TO BE WITH US even in our pain.o He is the God/Man so he is able to synchronize with our pain.o He has infinite capacity, so he can stay with us no matter how intense our

pain.o He never disconnects.

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Optimum Pain Processing:(refer back to Lehman’s Pain Processing Pathway image)

1. Maintain secure organized attachment.

2. Stay connected to experience and emotion.

3. Maintain or return to attuned relational connection joy (“glad to be with you”) in the face of painful negative emotions.

4. Navigate the situation in a way that is satisfying and maintains our true identity.

5. Make sense of the experience in a way that is consistent with Truth.

LIVING THE IMMANUEL LIFESTYLESpend some time noticing & reflecting on these Qs:

1. Which events, stories, beliefs, emotions come up most for you in connection? in pain?

2. In which emotions do you tend to get stuck?

3. Think of a time when you were stuck in a negative emotion & ended up back in joy? How did you get back there? Who/what helped?

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The Joy RingClass handout prepared by Deb Dvorak, Wendy Balman, Margaret Webb, and Jessie Handy

These 6 emotions are hardwired into the brain. They are created by God for a positive purpose.● Anger-fight or flight● Fear-flee from a danger● Sad-alert to the loss of something important/need● Disgust-avoidance of something harmful● Shame-alert to mis-attunement (feeling out of sync with another person)● Hopeless Despair-Stop trying something that can’t work● JOY-seeing that someone else is glad to see me or be with me

JOY is in the center but is not hardwired in at birth. It must be developed in relationship and this is evidence that we are made in the image of God. The neuronal pathways back to relational joy are formed in relationship.

The Bible tells us that “the joy of the Lord is your strength” (Neh. 8:10). Joy is relational connection.

Joy and Well Being

Joy is a relational experience that is the basis for spiritual experience, human bonding, healthy identity growth and good health generally. Joy is the feeling many experience as “falling in love” with their baby, their grandchild, their first love, a puppy, and a face that just lights up to see us.

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Joy is our normal state as biological beings. No one seeks treatment for joy reduction. No one complains to coworkers about too much joy in their lives. No one worries about loved ones who are just too joyful these days. The problem is that people who are failing to thrive have issues, live in conflict, and do not seem to know or remember that joy would be a natural and rewarding way to live.

One of the first goals in creating a family, community or a recovery group is to build the group around joy. While many groups form around a shared fear or problem, this is not a desirable long-term plan. Joy is our deepest motivation and need. Joy needs to be the way we live. Joy can lead to a remarkable reduction in crises and the need for hospitalization when trauma and abuse survivors changed their main goal from dealing with trauma to building joyful lives.

Capacity

Capacity is the strength to do life well, to have healthy intimate, securely attached relationships, and to handle stress and suffering well. As long as emotions do not become more intense than the capacity of the system can handle, the brain’s control center keeps the activity of the brain running smoothly. A well-trained control center has strong capacity. Weak capacity means a person is easily overwhelmed or traumatized by emotions a control center can’t handle.

To the extent that we get stuck on any of the 6 islands without a bridge back to Relational Connection Joy, we lack the capacity to respond well to challenging relationships and circumstances. Fortunately, capacity can be built or rebuilt through relational encounters with Jesus and others.

Bridges (bonding and attachment) are begun in infancy and are at their peak development in the first 2 years of life. At the pre-verbal stage of life relationship is learned brain to brain, eye to eye, and gut to gut. Literally, the joy of the mother becomes the child’s strength; the older brain shaping younger brain.

Very young children (0-3) are appropriately, developmentally completely dependent on adults to anticipate, and meet their needs and solve their problems. Children from 3-13 are increasing their ability to express their need and ask for help, but are still very dependent on someone else to meet their complex needs and solve their overwhelming problems. In both these situations if these needs are not met, “A” trauma occurs, the absence of what is developmentally essential for building strong relational capacity. It can be as simple as lack of focused positive attention, a lack of a quick response to needs like food, safety, affection protection, and relational connected joy. “B” trauma is the presence of negative, overwhelming events that also damage the develop of strong relational capacity.

As the child grows and develops, parents and other significant adults continue to shape the capacity for connected relationship.

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WEEK 6: FACILITATED CONNECTION EXPERIENCESUnderstanding:

Experiential understanding of what Immanuel Prayer Ministry is like Experiential understanding of the value of starting with connection

Skills:

Observing and Receiving Immanuel Prayer Ministry Reflecting on ministry session in guided debrief

REVIEW IN TRIADS: RETURN TO JOYTo the extent you are comfortable, share...1. Which (types of) events, stories, beliefs & emotions come up most for you in

appreciation? in pain?

2. In which emotions do you tend to get stuck?

3. Share of a time when you were stuck in a negative emotion & ended up back in joy. How did you get back there? Who/ what helped?

SMALL GROUPS: FACILITATED CONNECTION EXPERIENCEIn each group, we would like to start with 1-2 volunteers who have a strong appreciation or interactive connection with the Lord & are willing to receive prayer in a short (15-20 minute) Immanuel session.

GOAL for recipients: Strengthen/deepen their existing connection(s) and see what else the Lord has for them.

GOAL for observers: Watch a live session up close with the opportunity for more personal interaction & discussion afterwards.

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LIVING THE IMMANUEL LIFESTYLE1. Continue to cultivate your own connection experiences.

2. Bring a list of your connection experiences next week. You can write them below or elsewhere.

3. Write down what you think you need to focus on next in your own healing journey. (This could include helping others by using what you’re learning.)

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WEEK 7: NEXT STEPS & FACILITATED CONNECTION EXPERIENCES Understanding:

Experiential understanding of what Immanuel Prayer Ministry is like Experiential understanding of the value of starting with connection

Skills:

Observing and Receiving Immanuel Prayer Ministry Reflecting on ministry session in guided debrief Identifying Next Steps for personal growth

NEXT STEPS: RESOURCES & REFERRALS1. Read:

Spiritual Growth: Curt Thompson’s Anatomy of the Soul

Secular Brain Science: Daniel Siegel’s The Developing Mind

Maturity & Community: Jim Wilder’s The Life Model & Living With Men

New website & online community: joystartshere.com

2. Receive:(see Referral List & Immanuel Network Directory)

Receive Immanuel Prayer Ministry

Develop a support network

3. THRIVE Conferences: Focus: Building Joyful Brain Skills

Tracks I - IV

One week each summer, Peoria, IL

Preparation - videos, reading and written work

Skill Guides & online courses

thrivetoday.org

4. Connexus / Thriving: Recover Your Life: Focus: Creating Communities of Transformation

Joy Starts Here study group as first step

Three 12-week modules for groups: Restarting, Forming, and Belonging

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thrivingrecovery.org

5. Community: Practice - Keep “doing the stuff” yourself - model it

Invite friends/family into the experience

o Take a class together (Restarting, Lifestyle videos)

o Share your own story vulnerably & honestly

o Explain and practice the exercises together

Connect with people who have already experienced it

o Form a practice group

o Immanuel Network Directory (Referrals tab at immanuelapproach.com)

6. Facilitate:Alive and Well’s Immanuel Prayer Ministry Training

Upcoming classes announced at alivewell.org. Details at Immanuel Prayer Training Events page. Contact [email protected] to join the contact list and get upcoming course information by email.

7. Pray:Ask God to provide the right people & resources at the right time, and to show you each step of the way.

SMALL GROUPS: FACILITATED CONNECTION EXPERIENCEWe will continue from last week, opening the floor to anyone who would like to receive a short (15-20 minute) Immanuel session.

GOAL for recipients: Strengthen/deepen their existing connection(s) and see what else the Lord has for them.

GOAL for observers: Watch a live session up close with the opportunity for more personal interaction & discussion afterwards.

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mailto:[email protected]

LIVING THE IMMANUEL LIFESTYLE1. Note down any questions you want to ask during Q&A.

2. Note down ways you’ve been using what you’re learning in this class. (These are ways you’ve been living the Immanuel lifestyle!)

3. Prepare to share: How have you seen Immanuel (God With Us) more clearly in your life through this class? Use the next page to prepare your story. Consider whether you’d be open to sharing your story with the class.

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Sharing My Immanuel Story6

When choosing a story, consider the following:

I have told this story before and/or feel comfortable telling it now.

I can focus on the positive outcomes and/or the way I experienced God, rather than anything painful that happened along the way.

I do not need to be guarded in telling this story.

This story is autobiographical. (I am involved in the story.)

Write out the main ideas of your Immanuel Story




4. The characteristics of God I experienced, either directly or through a “filter”:

Follow-up checklist for storyteller

I showed the authentic emotion on my face and in my voice (R brain)

I maintained eye contact while storytelling (R brain)

I used feeling words for my emotions (R brain)

I used feeling words for my body sensations (R brain)

I told the story like I was involved (autobiographical) (L brain)

I kept my story concise (L brain)

6 Modified from THRIVE Year One Basic Skill Training: Mastering Joy and Rest.

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WEEK 8: GRATITUDEUnderstanding:

Recognizing how Immanuel Lifestyle applies to one’s own daily life Recognizing one’s own growth over the last eight weeks

Skills:

Taking steps toward continued growth Finding and Sharing Connection Stories Expressing Gratitude

RC EXERCISES

Q&AWhat questions do you have about the Immanuel Lifestyle (content, application, skills, etc.)?

REVIEW IN TRIADS: LIVING THE IMMANUEL LIFESTYLEHow have you been using what you’ve learned in this class?

TRIAD & CLASS SHARING: IMMANUEL STORIESHow have you seen Immanuel (God With Us) more clearly in your life through this class?

(First everyone shares in triads. Then there will be an opportunity for those who would like to share with the whole class.)

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Immanuel Lifestyle GroupA Possible Structure For Group Time

00-00:15 Welcome, ConversationTake time to catch up with each other. Perhaps share a snack. If needed, use part of this time to cover essential “housekeeping” details.

00:15-00:35 Relational Circuits Open in prayer. Do RC Exercises together. Then share in pairs/triads:

1. A time since last meeting when you had your RCs off, why you had them off, and how it affected the situation.

2. A time when since last meeting you had your RCS on, why you had them on, and how it affected the situation.

00:35-00:55 Connection Experiences (Appreciation or Interaction)Share with your partner/triad, using details about the event, your emotions and your body:

1. A connection experience you’ve had (or remembered) since last meeting. If it’s helpful for you, bring a photo, object, journal, or other tangible reminder of your connection experience.

If you have time, also share:2. A time when you got stuck in a negative emotion and how you got

back to Relational Connection Joy.

00:55-1:15 Refreshing ConnectionWhole group take 5-10 minutes or so quietly & individually to refresh a connection experience and, once connected, invite the Lord to bring all he has. Then share your experiences in pairs or triads.

ORPair off and practice facilitating connection experiences for each other. Give 10 minutes for the first person and 10 for the second, or go 20 minutes and switch partners at the next meeting.

1:15-1:30 Pray, Close, ConversationShare prayer requests briefly so there’s time to pray for them as well as share them.

Every 4-6 weeks, use your main hour (00:15-1:15) to check in on the big picture. Instead of pairs/triads answering the questions above, keep the whole group together and have each person share what they’re noticing in their own daily life as they keep practicing these skills. As you think about what to share, consider relational circuits, connection, secure attachment, emotional islands, and specific relationships with God and others (family, friends, colleagues).

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SCRIPTURAL SUPPORT FOR IMMANUEL PRAYERUse of specific scriptures based on the work of Dr. Ed Smith, with contributions from Jessica Handy, David Mealiff, the Rev. Dr. George B. Koch, and Catherine Penney.

Compiled and organized by Jessica Handy for Alive and Well, Inc.

IS IT BIBLICAL?Obviously Immanuel Prayer as a technique or process is not discussed in scripture. Jesus never says, “Go into all the world baptizing people and living the Immanuel Lifestyle!” But the foundational beliefs, principles, and goals of Immanuel Prayer are deeply scriptural.

1. First, Immanuel Prayer is rooted in the belief that God is always with us, always has been with us, and always will be with us.

Matthew 1:23 - The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel (which means “God with us”).Deuteronomy 31:6 & 8 - Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. ... The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.Joshua 1:5 - No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.1 Kings 8:57 - May the LORD our God be with us as he was with our ancestors; may he never leave us nor forsake us.Hebrews 13:5 - Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”Psalm 73:23 - Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.

Matthew 28:20 - And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”Matthew 18:20 - For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

Hebrews 13:8 - Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.Psalm 139 - Pretty much the whole thing.

John 4:39 - Many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman’s testimony, “He told me everything I ever did.” (Not only is God with us, but his knowledge of us and choice to relate to us, even in the midst of our sin, is powerful to transform. After Jesus’ encounter with the woman at the well, her testimony led many of her townspeople to faith in Jesus. That’s what healing prayer is all about - discovering that God already knows and still chooses to be with us, bringing his truth, light, love and salvation.)

2. Second, the Triune God—compassionate Father, Son who “became flesh” (Jn 1:14) and even “became sin” (2 Cor 5:21) in order to save us from sin, and comforting and counseling Spirit—brings redemption into every aspect of our lives, including physical, emotional & relational healing. In fact, the Greek word “sozo” (salvation) is used in the New Testament not only for salvation from sin but also for salvation from suffering, punishment, brokenness & destruction. For example, Luke uses the very same word to describe, in addition to Jesus’ death on the cross, all of the following:

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Jesus telling Zacchaeus that “the Son of Man has come to seek and save the lost” Jesus’ teaching that those who seek to save their lives will lose them, and those

who lose them shall save them (Lk 17:33) onlookers mocking Jesus on the cross, saying “save yourself!” (Lk 23:37, 39) physical healing of the woman with the flow of blood (Lk 8:48) deliverance/restoration of the Gerasene demoniac (Lk 8:36)

This word “sozo” is very similar to the Hebrew “shalom” in its sense of returning to wholeness in all its aspects. Given that God’s saving work in the world is much broader than (though not in any way downplaying) forgiveness and justification, here are some other scriptures that include the concept of healing as physical/emotional:

Deuteronomy 1:29-31 - Then I said to you, "Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. The LORD your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, and in the desert. There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place."

Ps 103: 2-3 - Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits—who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases.

Acts 10:38 - God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and with power, who went about doing good and healing all who were oppressed by the devil, for God was with Him.

Isaiah 61 - Pretty much all of this chapter, which Jesus later quoted about himself (Luke 4).

3. Third, God not only dwells among us and offers wholeness, but he listens to us communicates with us in ways we can understand.

Matthew 7:7 - Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto youPsalm 34:17-18 - The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.Ezekiel 14:7 - When any Israelite or any alien living in Israel separates himself from me and sets up idols in his heart and puts a wicked stumbling block before his face and then goes to a prophet to inquire of me, I the LORD will answer him myself. Job 35:4 - "I will answer you, And your friends with you. Psalm 91:15 - He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him. Isaiah 30:19 - How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you.Isaiah 65:24 - And it shall come to pass, that before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear. Jeremiah 33:3 - Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not. Isaiah 44:17-18 - he makes a god his idol; he bows down to it and worships. He prays to it and says, “Save me! You are my god!” They know nothing, they understand nothing; their eyes are

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plastered over so they cannot see, their minds closed so they cannot understand. (Implication: our God is not blind and unthinking/uncaring like the idols)

1 Cor 12:2 - You know that when you were pagans, somehow or other you were influenced and led astray to mute idols. (Implication: our God is not mute like the idols)

The entire story of the boy Samuel revolves around the Lord speaking both specifically to Samuel, and, through Samuel, to his people (1 Sam 3, esp vv. 8-11, 19-21). See also Genesis 6 & 18 for Noah and Abraham conversing with God, and Acts (4:23-31; 9:27; 10; 11:27-28; 13:2; 16:9-10; 21:10-14) for early church leaders asking for & receiving input from the Lord.

4. Fourth, the goals of intentionally remembering and appreciating God’s work in and around us, of living not stirred up but in truth and peace (shalom; synchronization with God & others), and of growing in joy through relational connection and secure attachment with God are all solidly biblical. Here are a few examples of themes pervasive in scripture:

Remembering:

Deuteronomy 4:9 - Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.

Deuteronomy 32:7 - Remember the days of old; consider the generations long past. Ask your father and he will tell you, your elders, and they will explain to you.

Joshua 4:4-7 - Joshua called together the twelve men he had appointed from the Israelites, one from each tribe, and said to them, “Go over before the ark of the Lord your God into the middle of the Jordan. Each of you is to take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the Israelites, to serve as a sign among you. In the future, when your children ask you, ‘What do these stones mean?’ tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the covenant of the Lord. When it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever.”Psalm 22:30 - Posterity will serve him; future generations will be told about the Lord.the people of Israel forever.”Psalm 45:17 - I will perpetuate your memory through all generations; therefore the nations will praise you for ever and ever.Psalm 48:13 - Consider well her ramparts, view her citadels, that you may tell of them to the next generation.Psalm 102:18 - Let this be written for a future generation, that a people not yet created may praise the LORD.

Gratitude:

Psalm 50:14, 22 - Sacrifice thank offerings to God, fulfill your vows to the Most High.... Consider this, you who forget God, or I will tear you to pieces, with no one to rescue you: Those who sacrifice thank offerings honor me, and to the blameless I will show my salvation.

Psalm 107:22 - Let them sacrifice thank offerings and tell of his works with songs of joy.

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Jeremiah 33:10-12 - Yet in the towns of Judah and the streets of Jerusalem that are deserted, inhabited by neither people nor animals, there will be heard once more the sounds of joy and gladness, the voices of bride and bridegroom, and the voices of those who bring thank offerings to the house of the Lord, saying, “Give thanks to the Lord Almighty, for the Lord is good; his love endures forever.James 1:17 - Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

Truth (words & beliefs):

Psalm 15:2 - The one whose walk is blameless, who does what is righteous, who speaks thetruth from their heart;Psalm 25:5 - Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.Psalm 45:4 - In your majesty ride forth victoriously in the cause of truth, humility and justice; let your right hand achieve awesome deeds.Proverbs 16:24 - Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

Jeremiah 33:6 - Behold, I will bring it health and healing; I will heal them and reveal to them the abundance of peace and truth.

Proverbs 12:18 - There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword,But the tongue of the wise promotes health.

John 14:6 - Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

Peace:

John 14:27 - Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Isaiah 26:3 - You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.

Acts 10:36 - You know the message God sent to the people of Israel, announcing the good news of peace through Jesus Christ, who is Lord of all.

Philippians 4:7 - And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Colossians 3:15 - Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.

Joy:

John 15:11 - These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full. 1 Chronicles 16:27 - Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and joy are in his dwelling place.Nehemiah 8:10 - Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some

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to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”

One could also search the scriptures for other themes such as security, trust, the face of God, etc.

HOW DO I KNOW IT’S REALLY GOD?Of course the concept of actually conversing with God raises the question of our own fallibility: “How do I know that what the person is experiencing is really from God?” The short answer to this is: does what’s happening align with scripture and demonstrate the fruit of the Spirit? In order to answer that question, it is vital to have both a good knowledge of scripture and a community of believers who can help with discernment. The long answer involves two additional components.

5. First, there are specific scriptural ways to test whether something is from God:

Does it line up with scripture? (2 Timothy 3:16) Does it point us to God? (Deut 13:1-4) Does it produce good fruit? (Galatians 2:22) Does it match up with reality? / Does it come true over time? (Dt 18:22) Do other Christians recognize it as coming from the Holy Spirit? (Prov 27:17; Mt

18:19) Does it seem to resonate with the Holy Spirit living in me? (Rom 8:16; Jn 14:26)

Don’t use these guidelines singly. Use them as a group. If something is from God, it will match up with most of these. I don’t say it will match up with all of them because there are sometimes exceptions. For example, when Peter first tried to tell the other Jewish believers that Gentiles were accepted by God as Gentiles without having to become Jews first, they didn’t accept his word, so (e) wouldn’t seem to apply. But later, after they heard his testimony, saw God continue to work in the lives of Gentiles, prayed & discussed among themselves, and realized the inclusion of the Gentiles was actually there in the scriptures and they’d just missed it, then the other discernment points brought them around until letter e was also a “yes.”

6. Second, if something seems not to be from God - someone is supplying thoughts or experiences from their own mind or personal history, or perhaps from the enemy - the best thing to do within the context of an Immanuel Prayer Ministry session is go back to the last time it was clear the Lord was involved, get solidly re-connected, and then ask him about whatever seemed not to be from him.

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IMMANUEL RESOURCES BIBLIOGRAPHYAlive and Well, Inc.

KEY PEOPLE

Jim Wilder: Therapist at Shepherd’s House, Pasadena, CA; co-author of The Life Model & the “Share Immanuel” Booklet (lifemodel.org; joy2thrive.com)

Karl Lehman: Creator of Immanuel Prayer, Evanston, IL; author of Outsmarting Yourself & many articles about healing prayer (kclehman.com for more academic-type articles & info; immanuelapproach.com for Immanuel-specific & more user-friendly resources)

Chris & Jen Coursey: Leaders of THRIVE Brain Skill Training, Peoria, IL; authors of THRIVE Skill Guides (thrivetoday.org)

Ed Khouri: Addictions counselor and creator of Thriving Recovery Series (Restarting, Belonging, Healing, Loving), Claremont, NC (thrivingrecovery.org; equippinghearts.com)

Margaret Webb: Trained therapist, Immanuel Prayer Trainer, and founder of Alive and Well, Inc., West Chicago, IL (alivewell.org)

BOOKS

Jim Wilder: The Life Model & Life Model Workbook -- basic introduction to joy & capacity, trauma, and maturity. Provides an easy-to-follow introduction to the basic needs and tasks for growth from infant through elder levels of maturity, and the role of individuals and groups (families, churches) in the process.

Jim Wilder: The Complete Guide to Living With Men -- a more in-depth treatment of the stages of maturity from infant to elder. Explains how the maturing process happens, with concrete examples and specific lists of maturity-level needs and tasks. (Not just for men!)

Jim Wilder & Chris Coursey: the “Share Immanuel” booklet -- great introduction to the Immanuel Prayer process. Could be used to orient new people as they prepare receive Immanuel Prayer or to introduce the idea of Immanuel to others.

Karl Lehman: Outsmarting Yourself -- complex and detailed explanation of the need for Immanuel Prayer, the scientific and psychological realities underlying Immanuel, and some concrete ways to incorporate Immanuel into daily life. Not a training manual for prayer ministry.

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Curt Thompson: Anatomy of the Soul -- simpler, more accessible treatment of healing prayer and neuroscience. Integrating new findings in neuroscience and attachment with Christian spirituality, making it possible to “..rewire your mind, altering brain patterns and literally making you more like the person God intended you to be.” Offers specific exercises to incorporate into one’s personal spiritual life.

Daniel Siegel: The Developing Mind -- the brain research that underlies much of Wilder and Lehman’s development of Immanuel and relational brain circuit teachings.

DVDs

Karl Lehman’s live demos on DVD -- Great tool for continuing to learn how to facilitate Immanuel Prayer by observation. Find them all at the Immanuel Approach website, under the “Training Videos” tab at the top of the page. Once the new page loads, click on the link on the left that says, “Live Ministry Series.”

Relational Brain Circuits DVD -- In this lecture, Jim Wilder lays the foundation of how our brains are designed for relationship: what joy, relational circuits, and capacity are and how they are developed. At the Life Model website, click on “Resources” (left column), and then “Video Materials.” Scroll down to find this DVD.

I’m Wired for Relationship, and I Want My Brain Back! -- Ed Khouri’s 6 hours of teaching on addictions, the brain, and recovery of relational joy circuits. From 2011 Immanuel Conference. At the Life Model website, click on “Resources” (left column), and then “Video Materials.” Scroll down to find this DVD.

CURRICULA

Immanuel Prayer Training -- Upcoming training information and videos are available through the Alive and Well website at www.alivewell.org. Find more videos at www.vimeo.com/aliveandwell.

THRIVE Relational Brain Skill Training, Tracks I-IVTHRIVE Conference -- Every summer, the Wilders, Courseys, and Ed Khouri lead a

conference in Peoria, IL, to train attenders in the 19 relational brain skills. There are four tracks, the fourth involving a different topic and speaker(s) each year. The first three involve preparatory reading, one week of conference lectures & exercises, and a 52-week plan for ongoing brain skill training. The conference is designed for attending with a bonded partner. There is also an option to do “THRIVE at Home” courses instead of traveling to Peoria. More information at thrivetoday.org.

Track I - III Lectures on DVD -- Jim Wilder lectures on the 19 relational brain skills trained at the THRIVE Conferences: I) Joy and Quiet, II) Return to Joy, and III) Applied Strategy. At the Life Model website, click on “Resources” (left column), and

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then “Video Materials.” Scroll down to find this DVD. THRIVE Relational Brain Skill Training

Track I - III Skill Guides -- Created by the Courseys, these skill guides walk you and a partner through 52 weeks’ worth of brain skill training exercises. Each skill guide is intended to be used after the corresponding lectures (either on DVD or at the annual conference). For more info on conferences or to order skill guides, go to thrivetoday.org.

Thriving: Recover Your Life -- Ed Khouri has designed a four-stage sequence of courses that incorporate the 19 relational brain skills and Immanuel Prayer into a small group or large group setting. The material, which involves DVD lectures along with workbooks, can be entered from an addiction/trauma recovery perspective or from a spiritual formation perspective. A person begins the series with either the Restarting or Forming module, then moves to Belonging, Healing & Loving, in that order. More information at thrivingrecovery.org.

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THE IMPORTANCE OF CONFIDENTIALITY

As we enter into class and small groups in which we will be sharing some personal material with each other, we want to stress the importance of confidentiality. It is extremely important that we all make a commitment to keep all personal material shared in the small groups strictly confidential. We want the classroom, triad and small group experiences to be real and meaningful, and in order for that to happen, members have to feel safe and protected.

The confidentiality guidelines below are prepared specifically for small groups, but the same guidelines apply to triads, ministry sessions and personal stories shared during the classroom time unless/until they are approved for a public audience.

Here is the extent of the contract we are making with each other:

1) We will not share any information with anyone outside of the small group, no matter how trivial or unimportant we might think it is. That includes our spouses, prayer partners, other small groups, friends at church, etc. The only people outside your small group with whom you are permitted to share information from small group are your trainer and your trainer’s supervisors (the two of us, Margaret and Jessie).

One concept of this level of confidentiality is that it is the same as borrowing someone's lawn mower. If you loan me your lawn mower (share with me your personal information), I do not then have permission to loan your lawn mower to someone else (share your personal information with someone else) without asking your permission. We tend to be more careful with other people's possessions than we are with their personal information. Yet if we were asked which is more important to us, we would probably say our internal private lives, our struggles, our hopes and dreams, our secrets.

2) Your mentors have permission to discuss material from triads and small groups with us as their supervisors. The mentor team will process the progress of the class with one another and with us, but will as much as possible avoid sharing personal details unless absolutely necessary.

We welcome you to email or speak in person to either of us if you have questions or reactions.

Blessings, Margaret and JessieAlive & Well, [email protected]@alivewell.org

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Agreement of ConfidentialityImmanuel Lifestyle Training

Alive and Well, Inc.

As a participant in the Immanuel Lifestyle Training program, I agree to keep confidential any and all information that may be disclosed or shared during class or ministry sessions. I understand confidentiality to mean that I will not disclose what is revealed during large group or small group ministry sessions with any person, including my spouse, family, or friends. In addition, I will not disclose to class members who are not in my small group information that has been shared or disclosed within my small group. I understand that to do so is a violation of the individual’s right to privacy and a violation of Christian morals and godly behavior.

There are only 2 exceptions to the Agreement of Confidentiality for this training program:

1) I understand that information shared in small group ministry sessions may be shared with my trainer, my trainer’s supervisors (Jessica Handy and Margaret Webb), and the other members of the mentor team for the purpose of training, supervision, and ministry follow through.

2) I understand that should there be information shared that reveals that a child or an elderly person is currently being abused or harmed or is in present danger of abuse or harm, or that an adult is in danger of harming self or other, this information must be reported to the trainer, who will report it to the proper legal authorities.

__________________________________________Print Name

__________________________________________ ____________________Signature Date

I understand that Alive and Well, Inc. may use photos taken during class for instructional and promotional purposes. I give Alive and Well permission to use my photo for these purposes.

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Hold Harmless AgreementImmanuel Lifestyle Training

Alive and Well, Inc.

I voluntarily consent to be ministered to by the leadership team of the Immanuel Lifestyle Training, including my trainer and my mentor, as well as my fellow students. I understand that the ministry that I will receive in this program is primarily being done for the purpose of training, and I agree to it on that basis. I understand that some or all of the procedures used to give spiritual and emotional help through the use of Immanuel Prayer methods may or may not be clinically demonstrated as guaranteeing either short-term or long-term results. I fully understand that the ministry I receive is not counseling in any form, but rather prayer ministry.

I accept this ministry fully and completely and do not hold anyone responsible for any outcome that may arise as a result of this ministry. I do not hold any person involved with this training program, Alive and Well, Inc. and its staff and officers, or the organization hosting the training and its staff and officers, responsible for any further or additional care or follow-up ministry I may need in the future. I take full responsibility for my life, health, and well being now and in the days to come.

I also understand that during triad and small group exercises, as well as in receiving ministry, I do not need to go into detail concerning the content of any memories that may arise or identify the people in my memories should I wish not to do so. I understand that neither my group members nor the ministry facilitators need to know the names, identities, ages, or relationship such people may have with me in order to do the ministry. I also expect that the leadership team and fellow students will hold my personal information in the strictest confidence.

____________________________________________Print Name

____________________________________________ _________________Signature Date

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Immanuel Lifestyle Class Feedback

We want to know about your experience with this Immanuel Lifestyle class and how we can continue to improve our training program. Please take a few minutes to fill out this form and give it to your group leader.

Training dates:

Training location:

Training leader:

Besides this class, what other exposure have you had to Immanuel Prayer?

Circle your answers to the following questions:

1. I have become intentional about identifying, naming, and sharing my connection stories.

Strongly Agree Agree Somewhat Agree Disagree Strongly Disagree

2. I have experienced an increase in my ability to connect with the presence of Jesus.


3. I have experienced positive improvement in my closest relationships.


4. I have noticed that I am less triggered in relationships or circumstances that triggered me in the past.


5. I have recommended Immanuel Prayer to other people in my life.


Number the following elements of the Immanuel Lifestyle class from 1-6, with 1 as the most valuable and 6 as the last valuable. Circle anything that was especially valuable.

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_____ Relational Circuits (Teaching, Exercises, Reflection/Discussion)

_____ Secure Attachment (Teaching, Remembering & Sharing Stories)

_____ Connecting With God (Teaching, Practicing the Connection Process, Naming & Keeping Track of Connection Experiences, Sharing Connection Stories)

_____ Return to Joy, Capacity & Emotional Islands (Teaching, Personal Reflection, Discussion)

_____ Having someone facilitate a short Immanuel Prayer experience for me

_____ Observing and/or hearing about someone else’s connection experience

Please explain why you ranked #1 & #6 as you did.

Do you have any other comments, suggestions, or things you would like us to know?

Thank you for taking the time to complete this survey!

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