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Which Breakfast Cereal Are You?
D/K Weekly Awards-Page 6
Player Profile: Chip Sweeney-Page 7
Power Rankings-Page 10
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Hello HuntingTen Homies!
Greetings from your commissioner. This week two was rough for some teams in reality and fantasy. Just to recap Devante’s Inferno beat the Huntington Hedgehogs in New England like fashion, similarly Ruffles Have Ridges steamrolled Contract Issues and the Melbourne Sea Urchins got wacked by the Nuktown OBJYNs. The rest of the games were closer but there still was a clear winner in all the other contest. Master Ki-Thadi-Mundi took care of business against Richard Sherman. Load of Landry upset Daddy’s Darlings, and our reigning champion Alvin and The Nose Rings secured a victory against a surprisingly revamped Team Nolan.
As week two is in the books I would like to take this time to share some insights into the league. I’d like to break this down into sections in like a possible awards prediction section.
Most Improved – Team Nolan
I don’t know how long this will last but I hope it lasts all season. Team Nolan has one injured player that will most likely play again this season! His past seasons have been plagued by David Johnson’s injury and then by LeVeon Bell’s holdout. This season is looking up for him!
Newcomer of the Year – Huntington Hedgehogs
This is my sleeper team this year. I think that they will surprise some people this year. I think that when their receiving core gets healthy, they can be an above .500 team. As long as they don’t sell their players that is.
Most Unimproved – Daddy’s Darling’s
This isn’t a dig at this team or its ownership, just an observation that I think everyone would agree with. Last year they were a juggernaut. This year though just a super soldier. Again, not a huge loss as I am pretty positive, they will still be a top 3 team in the league but much more beatable this year than the year before.
I’d like to thank our newsletter founder, writer, figure maker and editor Thad Taylor for his commitment to the newsletter and the league in general. In conclusion I wish everyone a happy week 3 and I hope your players remain uninjured.
Score lots of points.
Good Luck Have Fun.
Commissioner Richbart
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Strength of Schedule
The Hedgehogs have clearly faced the hardest schedule so far. Only four people throughout two weeks would
have won a single game playing his schedule. Meanwhile, Stephen had a cakewalk against the Urchins this
past week which makes his schedule easier.
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Luckiness
This week, the luckiness curve is at 1. Meaning if your number is above 1 you are lucky and if you are below 1
you are unlucky. This stat will begin to have a predictive quality when looking at who will finish the season
strong or poorly. That is because it is reasonable to expect that every team will have the approximately the
same amount of points scored against them by seasons end.
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Hot TakesRevisiting Hot Takes so far.
Hot takes with no flame…
Nick Foles is not going to be a top 3 scoring Quarterback.
Connor will not go undefeated with Jacoby Brissett.
Hot takes on the verge of being extinguished…
Andy will go 1-12. (Still technically possible)
The Urchins will make the playoffs. (not looking good)
Not a hot take…
JuJu will outscore Antonio Brown by a wide margin.
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D/K Awards
Once again this week, every team that had the higher DK score in their respective matchup won their game.
That has happened 2 weeks in a row now when it only happened once all last season. That means it looks like
in our expansion league, getting points from the kicker and defense is more important than ever.
Killer Kong - This is probably the easiest Killer Kong award I have ever
given. Andre of course wins this week breaking the previous league
record of 39 with his 42 point performance. There isn’t much else to say.
Diddy Kong - The Diddy Kong
Award this week goes to a person who outscored 2 winners and
scored higher than the average, but still picked up an L. This man is
Jeffrey Richbart. Jeffrey scored 15 DK fantasy points, just above this
weeks average of 14.8, but Diddy win? No.
Hairless Kong - We had our first negative DK score this week. The Urchins put
up a -4, tied for the second worst DK score of all time. It’s always a
disappointment to see a negative DK, because that’s 2/9 positions on the
team that lowered your overall score.
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PLAYER PROFILE: CHIP SWEENEY
Chip Sweeney is a Huntington Homies staple in the same way that baseball is an American staple. It’s not
the most watched, most exciting, or richest sport, but it’s still America’s game. Chip has earned this after being
highly fantasy relevant for the past 2 years, and a part of the league for as long as I can remember. Chip’s
conquests were somewhat outlined in last weeks profile of Andy. That’s because they seemed to be tied
together like the wands of Harry Potter and Voldemort. In 2017-2018, Chip came out of nowhere as a
dominant team only to be upset by Andy in the championship game. Last year dominance was not an adjective
used to describe Chip.
The 2018-2019 season saw a tad of controversy in the final weeks as Chip claimed a higher playoff seed
than Ridge. This was suspect because if Ridge had won the 2 seed instead of Chip, he would have won the
championship. Nevertheless, Chip avenged his Championship loss from the year prior, and now he hold the
Huntingten Homies trophy. This is pretty incredible if you think about it. Fantasy Football is a sport where luck
plays a big factor, and we have had some movie-esque storylines in play.
This year Chip is off to a hotter start than last year. 2-0 and a game up on Andy. Additionally, Chip is
ranked #1 in the power rankings which he has never been before. This week he will take on the most
underrated team in the league as he faces the Huntington Hedgehogs. With our expansion teams we lack
narrative. There’s no history to make accurate predictions and there are no previous matchups to add much
suspense. Chip is also in what might be the easiest bubble of his schedule, playing currently winless teams
weeks 3 and 4. If he makes it to 4-0, he’s looking at a potential undefeated matchup against division rival
Ridge.
Versus the Hedgehogs this week, it shouldn’t be stress free at all. Chip has outscored the Hedgehogs
both weeks. The Hedgehogs have some injuries, but rosters aside and only focusing on history and numbers,
this has the makings for an upset. Matt is the baseline for what unluckiness looks like so far this year. Chip has
scored so lights out, but he has scored far above a sustainable level. The Hedgehogs have been unfortunate,
so we don’t see a low scoring win for the Hedgehogs, we should see a higher scoring loss.
Prediction: Huntington Hedgehogs
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Week 3 ForecastMatchup: Daddy’s Darlings vs Melbourne Sea Urchins
Information: Last week Andy scored his second fewest points ever documented. That number was 117.8. Through
two weeks the most we’ve seen from the Urchins is 100.7. This battle would only be available to see on ESPN+. Not only
is their no storyline, but there doesn’t appear to be much possibility of an upset. Of course, anything is possible, and an
Urchin win would make for some interesting scenarios, it’s an incredibly long shot.
Prediction: Daddy’s Darlings (by a lot)
Matchup: Davante’s Inferno vs Contract Issues
Information: The past 2 years Jeffrey has had Ezekiel Elliot and Michael Thomas, but he has had a very hard time
getting wins. Last year he looked under rated, and this year his numbers are staggeringly low. Jeffrey is 0-2 vs Andre all
time by a combined margin of 75 points. If they were to play each other every week, then Andre would only be 8-7 vs
Andre. These teams have historically scored similarly. Expect significant DK regression from Andre, and I wouldn’t expect
Chris Godwin to score 26+ again either. It should be time for Jeffrey to reach his projection.
Prediction: Contract Issues
Matchup: Master Ki-Thadi-Mundi vs Load of Landry
Information: This is a rivalry game. These 2 teams have split their regular season matchups, and Thad defeated Grant
in the playoffs last year. Thad has scored 16 more points in the regular season matchups. Grant has outscored Thad on 8
of the 15 weeks. The game Grant won vs Thad consisted of a last second 75 yard hailmary from Aaron Rodgers to
Randall Cobb for 21.5 points and a win. I haven’t forgotten that, since it also ended up keeping me out of the playoffs. In
this weeks matchup the loss of Antonio Brown can’t be ignored, but it’s not the lone factor. Grant’s team just looks
better. Plus, Thad’s team is the second luckiest team right now.
Prediction: Load of Landry
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Week 3 Forecast Continued…
Matchup: Team Nolan vs Ruffles Have Ridges
Information: Nick is 0-2 vs Ridge which is no surprise considering Nick was the worst team last year and
Ridge finished #3. Not only is Ridge 2-0 vs Nick, but he has outscored Nick by a total of 127.4 points. Ridge has
outscored Nick 12 of the 15 documented weeks. This game isn’t a must win for either team, but Ridge
probably needs it more to keep pace for the 1 or 2 seed. Nick is more likely to be a wildcard if anything. This
should be a good one.
Prediction: Ruffles Have Ridges
Matchup: NukTown OBJYNs vs Richard Sherman Game of the Week
Information: Connor is 2-0 vs Stephen all time by a combined score of 36 points. Connor has outscored
Stephen on 10 of the 15 documented weeks. Connor and Stephen have won 50 percent of the league’s
championships. Stephen is currently the luckiest team in the league, a long ways away from his “unluckiest”
status last year. Stephen has scored consistently while Connor has scored 134 and 91 points. This game means
more for Stephen believe it or not, because his scoring has been below the average both weeks and winning
that way is not sustainable.
Prediction: Richard Sherman
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1) Chip2) Ridge3) Andy4) Andre5) Stephen6) Nick7) Grant8) Connor9) Hedgehogs10) Thad11) Jeffrey12) Urchins
Power Rankings
*Power rankings are based on 2 formulas and use the GM’s rankings as a tiebreaker.
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ComparisonsThis week I am going to be comparing each of your teams to a breakfast cereal/food. This comparison has
been suggested a lot, so let’s see how fun we can make cereal.
Alvin and the Nose Rings: Cinnamon Toast Crunch
Cinnamon Toast Crunch is
one of the best breakfast
cereals out there. There is
one major downside that
all cereal has that is even
more evident in this
cereal. That is the
sogginess that comes
from sitting in the milk.
Chip is the clear #1 team
right now (and I am not
saying CTC is the number
1 cereal) but I don’t think
Chip will weather the
storm. Last year Chip
went 7-6 with a similar
team as this year’s. Why
do we not expect a
similar record this year?
Chip is starting out strong
and crisp, but by years end I think he will just be a soggy limp regular(ish) square.
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Ruffles Have Ridges: Honey Nut Cheerios
Cheerios is consistently
America’s top cereal
brand. Fun fact, Ridge
has been a top 3 team in
our Power Rankings
every single week there
has been a power
ranking. Who doesn’t
like a good nut?
Cheerios aren’t my think
though. In fact, Cheerios
would have to be the
last thing in my
cupboard in order for
me to eat them. They
are pretty plain. And if
you ask someone what
their favorite cereal is
and they say Cheerios
you should probably
slap them in the face.
It’s not an incredibly
exciting cereal, but it is
incredibly consistent.
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Daddy’s Darlings: Honey Smacks
There isn’t much logic
behind this
comparison.
Something about this
cereal just spoke to
me for Andy. The
truth is that honey
smacks actually
smack, and I think
they are a lot more
bad ass then they get
credit for. I have very
little doubt that this
frog would not beat all
of our asses if it was
real. It definitely
smokes cigs and has
statutory relations
with consenting
females. Because of
those relations I’d say
he’s been to court a
couple of times.
Obviously there is a
lot in common here
with Andy. Andy rapes
a lot of us, but
sometimes he slows down and has stand trial. I guess this week was one of those weeks for Andy.
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Davante’s Inferno: Trix
Are Trix good? I don’t
know. Last year Andre
pulled the wool over
everyone’s eyes for a
solid 6 weeks before he
plummeted. This year
he’s showing signs of
repeating that.
Meaning it looks like he
might be an average
team that has
outbursts. So if you put
stock in his 160+ point
performance then HE’S
TRIXING YOU! Andre
ain’t a 160+ point
team. Dude is a straight
corn puff with just
enough natural
flavoring to be able to
write it on the box, but
he is primarily artificial.
Andre is just a big fruity
shape.
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NukTown OBJYNs: Lucky Charms
Stephen is currently
lucky. But also he is
good. His wide
receiving core has
been off to a slow
start , but he has
still managed to go
2-0. And what else
can one say about
Stephen? He’s
ranked #5 and I’d
say he will probably
finish in the middle
tier of teams
(somewhere in the
8th to 4th range).
What is really
incredible is that
Stephen manages
to get lucky
without having any
charm. And that
just proves all girls
care about is the
size of your
marshmallow.
Team Nolan:
Corn Flakes
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For Nick I looked for the most eh cereal available. Corn flakes don’t have the benefit of being frosted or having flavor.
They are reliant on additives like the strawberries shown in this picture. I roasted Nick all of last year, but this year he
has shown some more positives. He’s scored well both weeks, but goodness looks at his team. Without Tyreek Hill he
lacks star power. Also, ranking Nick at 6th just seems ridiculous given what we saw him do all last year. There isn’t much
to understand on Team Nolan, so a Simple Grain could be a good description.
Load of Landry:
Raisin Bran
This is another one
where the imagery of
the box really made
me think of Grant. It
could be the sun
reflecting his positive
energy or the
emptiness of the
grape that is
reminiscent of his
lack of substance. But
probably it’s how
60% of his name is in
“Bran”. Here is what
separates Raisin Bran
from Grant’s team.
Grant named his
team after the worst
starter on his team
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(Jarvis Landry) and Raisin Bran primarily named after its best quality (Raisins). Maybe it’s best not to ask questions about
what makes Grant or Raisin Bran better than they should be.
Richard Sherman:
Apple Jacks
Cinnamon is the winna
man. Connor was ranked
in the top 3 all last
season. Last week he fell
to 4 and this week he is
down to 8. Easily the
lowest he’s ever been.
Here is the thing about
Connor/Apple Jacks
though, no matter how
far behind it seems like
Cinnamon is - he always
wins. And I am not
inferring Connor will win,
but he will undoubtedly
be in the playoff
conversation at the end of
the season. I’m hoping
you all recall these
commercials so my
cinnamon references
make sense.
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Huntington Hedgehogs:
Frosted Flakes
Hedgehogs as we
know is a very
energetic person.
Like take a normal
person then coat it
with sugar and that
is what you get with
Hedgehogs. Frosted
Flakes are
potentially
underrated, or
maybe you have
them rated high
yourself. I think this
is probably the best
cereal to eat dry.
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The Hedgehogs are good and they should stand the test of time this season. They will have to earn their
stripes.
Master Ki-Thadi-Mundi: Cookie Crisps
For Thad, a
positive attitude
has been a
requirement this
season with a pair
of disappointing
keepers, and then
the Antonio Brown
drama on top of
that. Who is more
positive than the
wolf that says
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“Coookie Crisps. Next time they’re mine.” That’s how I’m going to feel this whole season going into a new
week. It’s really a battle not to get last.
Contract Issues: Cap’n Crunch
Cap’n Crunch is the
type of cereal that can
look god until you bite
into it and it cuts the
top of your mouth.
That is what Jeffrey
team feels like right
now. It has great
presentation and looks
like it would be good,
but the production is
horrible. With Zeke
and Michael Thomas
there are expectations
and it seems to be
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fools gold. Maybe this is a buy low situation for Jeffrey though and he is on the verge of breaking out. I guess
we will see.
Melbourne Sea Urchins: Unfrosted Strawberry Poptarts
This is the only reason
I made a clarification
on cereal/food. I knew
I wanted to give the
worst breakfast item
to Urchins and this is
the worst. I’m
convinced people only
buy these as an
accident. Urchins
looks really bad
without a week
scoring a full point
over 100. This could
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be a long year. This essentially naked poptart could foreshadow an almost naked cover boy for our
punishment calendar.