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Transcript of Gembola.Long Way Home - ccef.org€“-The-Long... · Counseling after Infidelity The Long Way Home...
![Page 1: Gembola.Long Way Home - ccef.org€“-The-Long... · Counseling after Infidelity The Long Way Home Michael Scott Gembola](https://reader031.fdocuments.us/reader031/viewer/2022022518/5b0c7be87f8b9a2c3b8bb330/html5/thumbnails/1.jpg)
Counseling after InfidelityThe Long Way Home
Michael Scott Gembola
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2 Peter 1:5-9 ● Take action ● Get insight
roadmap
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1. From rehearsing to reinterpreting 2. From controlling to caretaking 3. From vice to virtue
roadmap
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● Re-telling the narrative
1.Rehearsing to reinterpreting
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● Re-telling the narrative ○ Divorce narratives ○ Narratives of quick
deliverance ○ Incomplete narratives ○ Narratives that diminish
blame
1.Rehearsing to reinterpreting
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● Re-telling the narrative ○ A way forward
1.Rehearsing to reinterpreting
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● Confession ○ Immediate ○ Delayed
● Responsibility: ○ A process ○ Word and concept
1.Rehearsing to reinterpreting
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● Re-telling the narrative ○ Confession ○ Responsibility
● The bridge to infidelity
1.Rehearsing to reinterpreting
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Distance
Pain
Loss
Entitlement
Infidelity Fear
Disappointed
Permission
Resent
Self-aggrandize Minimize Opportunity
Wronged
Lonely
Shame
Recast
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● The betrayed partner’s retrospective ○ Surviving ○ Navigating ○ Reflecting ○ Re-writing
1.Rehearsing to reinterpreting
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● Finding God in the story1.Rehearsing to reinterpreting
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● Everything is threatened ○ Family ○ Sense of self
2. Controlling to caretaking
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● Everything is threatened ● Common missteps ○ Defensiveness ○ Counter-attack ○ Reputation damage control
2. Controlling to caretaking
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● Common missteps ● The restoration plan
2. Controlling to caretaking
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● The restoration plan ○ Commitment with flexibility ○ Compliance with engagement ○ Conflict with love
2. Controlling to caretaking
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● The restoration plan ○ Conflict with love ■ Impatience ■ Pain ■ Separation
2. Controlling to caretaking
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● Becoming a source of healing (after being a source of hurt) ○ Recognizing impact
2. Controlling to caretaking
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Check with helper Check with spouse
Reflect
Reflect and revise
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Check with helper Check with spouse
Reflect and revise
Reflect and revise
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● Becoming a source of healing (after being a source of hurt)
● Help for the offended spouse: controlling and caretaking
2. Controlling to caretaking
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● Everything is threatened ● Common missteps ● The restoration plan ● Becoming a source of healing
(after being a source of hurt)
2. Controlling to caretaking
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● A new (old) framework ● The old way ● The new life
3. Vice to virtue
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● The new life ○ Patient endurance ○ Openness ○ Humility ○ Agency ○ Empathy ○ Hope
3. Vice to virtue
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● Help for the offended spouse: ○ A comfort ○ A challenge
3. Vice to virtue
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Driving home
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● A time of connection ● A time of service ● A time of gratitude
Driving home