Want to feel better and look your best?...Controlling body image is a clever avoidance technique for...
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10/31/2015 Shining a Light on Body Image - KrisCarr.com http://kriscarr.com/blog/shining-light-on-body-image/ 2/8 Want to feel better and look your best? Get your FREE Starter Kit & 3-day meal plan, plus weekly motivation straight to your inbox! First Name Email HOOK ME UP! Shining a Light on Body Image By Guest Blogger | 27 Comments | Body image is more than your goal weight or how your legs are defined; it’s fully enjoying the mystery and pleasure of the body and of your life as a whole. This includes being comfortable in your femininity, your sexuality and giving your authentic gifts — not what society thinks you “should be” doing. Controlling the body and weight is often a subconscious surrogate for trying to control uncertainty. Fear and doubt arise about what life will throw your way, what’s “out there.” And let’s be real, there is a lot “out there.” Whether you’ve found more relief in your own research than your doctors, had a marriage dissolve or the job path you were told to take has disappeared, the structures you’ve relied upon no longer support you. But did they ever? Is it the cancer, divorce, or career reimagining that nearly kills you? Or is it the fear of “Will I be loved? Will I be taken care of? Can I make it?” Controlling body image is a clever avoidance technique for existential questions. I did it for 12 years after my own teenage cancer experience. But life is not so shallow that you’ll get the answers you want in a different body or weight. A size-4 hourglass figure is still subject to life’s Russian roulette. And a size 18-body is fully capable of being loved and feeling secure in that love. Regardless of where you view your body now, the only way to heal your body image is to go within with your own, self- generated healing light. Here are some empowering ways to glow: 1. Expand your definition of femininity. Femininity is not dumb, timid or slutty. It’s powerful. That power comes from receiving what life is offering and knowing you can create something beautiful rather than pushing and stressing about what you do or don’t have. In a group I was running, one woman discussed how she knew her arch- nemesis would be at a wedding. She felt amazing in her outfit and when she received a gracious compliment from this Mean Girl — what she was hoping for all night — she said, “Thanks, but really, it’s just a flattering dress.” Life will never give you more if you don’t appreciate what you already have. Start by receiving compliments (a graceful “thank you” suffices!), pleasure and support. Receiving is code for the confidence of being deserving. 2. Nourishing movement. The easiest outlet to find pleasure is to stop exercising out of obligation and start moving in inspiration. There’s a big difference. One client of mine convinced herself that she loved running. During our work together, she realized she didn’t love running — she loved running away from her fear of being fat. Understanding how her body image issues were a need for control, I showed her how they were ultimately controlling her. She ditched the rigid running schedule and decided to try Bikram yoga. For a month, she was uneasy about hanging out in this unknown. But four physical pounds less and a 1,000-pound psychic weight off her 6 Like Share Tweet Google + Pinterest Email
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10/31/2015 Shining a Light on Body Image - KrisCarr.com
http://kriscarr.com/blog/shining-light-on-body-image/ 2/8
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Shining a Light on Body Image
By Guest Blogger | 27Comments|
Body image is more than your goal weight or how your legs are defined; it’s fully enjoying the mystery and pleasure of the body and of your life as a whole. This includesbeing comfortable in your femininity, your sexuality and giving your authentic gifts — not what society thinks you “should be” doing.
Controlling the body and weight is often a subconscious surrogate for trying to control uncertainty. Fear and doubt arise about what life will throw your way, what’s “outthere.” And let’s be real, there is a lot “out there.” Whether you’ve found more relief in your own research than your doctors, had a marriage dissolve or the job path youwere told to take has disappeared, the structures you’ve relied upon no longer support you. But did they ever? Is it the cancer, divorce, or career reimagining that nearlykills you? Or is it the fear of “Will I be loved? Will I be taken care of? Can I make it?”
Controlling body image is a clever avoidance technique for existential questions. I did it for 12 years after my own teenage cancer experience. But life is not so shallowthat you’ll get the answers you want in a different body or weight. A size-4 hourglass figure is still subject to life’s Russian roulette. And a size 18-body is fully capableof being loved and feeling secure in that love. Regardless of where you view your body now, the only way to heal your body image is to go within with your own, self-generated healing light. Here are some empowering ways to glow:
1. Expand your definition of femininity. Femininity is not dumb, timid or slutty. It’s powerful. That power comes from receiving what life is offering and knowing youcan create something beautiful rather than pushing and stressing about what you do or don’t have. In a group I was running, one woman discussed how she knew her arch-nemesis would be at a wedding. She felt amazing in her outfit and when she received a gracious compliment from this Mean Girl — what she was hoping for all night —she said, “Thanks, but really, it’s just a flattering dress.” Life will never give you more if you don’t appreciate what you already have. Start by receiving compliments (agraceful “thank you” suffices!), pleasure and support. Receiving is code for the confidence of being deserving.
2. Nourishing movement. The easiest outlet to find pleasure is to stop exercising out of obligation and start moving in inspiration. There’s a big difference. One client ofmine convinced herself that she loved running. During our work together, she realized she didn’t love running — she loved running away from her fear of being fat.Understanding how her body image issues were a need for control, I showed her how they were ultimately controlling her. She ditched the rigid running schedule anddecided to try Bikram yoga. For a month, she was uneasy about hanging out in this unknown. But four physical pounds less and a 1,000-pound psychic weight off her
6Like Share Tweet Google + Pinterest Email
10/31/2015 Shining a Light on Body Image - KrisCarr.com
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shoulders, she felt more powerful and in control than ever. She appreciates her body in a way she never has after nourishing her body and skill set in the unknown.
3. Community: Careful! Community is not going to a weight-loss group where you “share” food obsessions and tricks to eat less. Bonding over your food and bodystruggles is safe. It might be hard to find people who want to be alive, not partners in crime, or even awkward to find something other than food, exercise or the scale todiscuss. I know from 18 years of dieting that you have to find new interests. Embrace finding new peers as an adventure. In a nurturing group, you’ll find some of the bestparts of yourself.
As you step outside of yourself, you’ll embody who you authentically are inside. The body becomes a gift for re-learning control in a more confident way. You will learnto appreciate how it has helped you be comfortable in the uncomfortable. You will return to your own light — one that’s vibrant and beautiful.
Ali Shapiro is a 20-year cancer survivor, regular NBC Philadelphia contributor and works with individuals and groups to simplify their relationship to food by simplifyingtheir diet and life.
Photo credit: jma.work
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27 responses to Shining a Light on Body Image
1. Christa said on February 28, 2012
Love the entire post, but particularly your point about community. It’s so hard to make ANY lifestyle change without a support group behind you and it’s so easythese days to just hang out online, instead of making authentic, “live” connections with like-minded people. Thank you for raising this important point!
Reply
2. Anne Witkavitch said on February 28, 2012
Ali – Wonderful post! Body image is positive mental power! We are who we think we are!
Reply
3. Terri swain said on February 28, 2012
Beautifully said and so much “food” for thought! A must read… I love your example in 1. So often we want to present an outer image- at the wedding, the highschool reunion, a business meeting …instead of our inner self.
Reply
4. Ali Shapiro said on February 28, 2012
@Christa – community is vital to health. I forget the source but there is a quote out there where someone pointed out “There’s WE in wellness and I in illness.”
@Terri – and yes, need to be comfortable shining!
Reply
5. Leesah Stiles said on February 28, 2012
Love your post! As a curvy healthy woman it is so empowering to hear another woman speak of an acceptance of body shape. It is a revolutionary act for me toNOT diet and try to change to fit into a media image stereotype. I work in show biz so it is very hard not to buy into the idea that if I were leaner I would workmore.. but I work hard everyday to be healthy and authentic….. Thank you for the support!
Reply
6. Cathy Wisniewski said on February 28, 2012
How wise! I love that “receiving is code for the confidence of being deserving.” Most women need to learn this while “unlearning” the negative things we’rebombarded with in society.
10/31/2015 Shining a Light on Body Image - KrisCarr.com
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7. Juliet said on February 28, 2012
Such a beautiful post. I really appreciate the message and it is something that should be spread everywhere!
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8. Sandra said on February 28, 2012
100% about the community part. I find that with new technology (like Pinterest and Facebook) we are starting to see more and more people reject a friendly stance
on weight loss and move towards a strictly weight-loss “thinspiration” stance. Thankfully, there are still others who respect and appreciate a good community!
Reply
9. Mary said on February 28, 2012
I’ve heard it said that there are really only two fundamental emotions, love and fear– a fear of not being good enough or not being loved enough. All other feelings
stem from these two. You have exemplified this in your blog. I appreciate, too, your idea that power comes from our creating. I do believe everyone has a gift to
offer and a duty to let it shine! Thank you for the confirmation and stimulating ideas.
Reply
10. Marcy said on February 28, 2012
Ali,
I love what you have written. As always it resonates with me. I am guilty of trying to fix my insides – my fear and doubt- from the outside. It doesn’t work. Your
message of self care and nourishment is empowering and directs me gently back on the right path.
Reply
11. MT Soltis said on February 28, 2012
Beautiful as always Ali!!!! People if you aren’t doing so already, make it a point to meet and speak with Ali. She will change you for the better in so many ways and
you’ll have fun doing it! All the best to all!
Reply
12. alexis said on February 28, 2012
Wonderful points and great reminder to value our inner femininity!
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13. Ali Shapiro said on February 28, 2012
Mary – you are right. The challenge is identifying what feels like “in-between” and seeing how we are being fearful. And yes, creating gets us into our body and the
moment!
Marcy – gentle is the way. Love the language you use! And remember, it’s not about “fixing” our insides but transforming them into lightness. We feel fullest and
lightest when we radiate from the inside out!
Reply
14. Linda said on February 28, 2012
“moving in inspiration” – love this ali, and it’s so true. you can really feel the difference. thank YOU for always inspiring!
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15. Cathy Sykora said on February 28, 2012
Beautifully stated!
Reply
16. Amanda said on February 28, 2012
I love this post! All three of these points speak so strongly to me at this moment in time. I have always been the total giver (can’t let anyone take care of me, take
care of the bill, do a favor that isn’t directly repaid), but I am working on it so I don’t drive all my friends nuts!!
I also recently gave up running, in favor of dancing! I love it so much I can’t tell you! It never feels like “cardio” and I can always fit it in to my day!
And lastly, community! Right on! Few things are more important to my happiness or success.
This post is SO insightful and exactly what I wanted to read right now! Thank you!
Reply
17. Mary said on February 28, 2012
You couldn’t have picked a better day to post this wonderful article. I logged on to this website today because of the negative self-talk running through my head,
what a treat! I love this: “Life will never give you more if you don’t appreciate what you already have.” Thank you so much for posting this today.
Reply
18. Jamie G. Dougherty (JAMIE|LIVING) said on February 28, 2012
10/31/2015 Shining a Light on Body Image - KrisCarr.com
http://kriscarr.com/blog/shining-light-on-body-image/ 5/8
So well said Ali! Loving yourself is all about enjoying what you have right NOW and not holding yourself back with whens, ifs and some-days. Much love Ali andthanks!
Reply
19. Shira said on February 28, 2012
Thank you for this empowering reminder of what it means to be strong and beautiful! I know one thing for sure – constantly striving for a future version of your selfis deeply unsatisfying – living and loving now is our greatest hope. A beautiful post, thanks
Reply
20. Olivia (Green Junkie Living) said on February 28, 2012
What a fantastic post, Ali! Point #2 really resonated with me. I keep trying to convince myself to be a runner, but…I’m just not. And I need to accept that andinstead create the time for the activities I do love: hiking and yoga. Thanks for treating the dicey topic of body image with such thoughtfulness and care.
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21. erin @WELL in L.A. said on February 28, 2012
ALI!!! You… effing… ROCK!! Thank you for this beautiful post and your beautiful soul! I empathize with the running client all too much (well did). I ran becauseI feared the ‘consequences’ of not running. Guess what? I love yoga, cycling, barre classes and all the crazy stuff L.A. has to offer more than running any day. Life’stoo short to not be in love with who you are
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22. Ali Shapiro said on February 28, 2012
Erin and Olivia: My exercise has completely changed too as I used to be an obsessive runner in high school. Even now, it changes with where I am in my life…butdancing always remains! I find so many of my clients love dancing and when they do that, they move consistently. Dissolving the stress of “having to run” stops alot of overeating in and of itself!
Reply
23. Elizabeth said on February 29, 2012
Great post, Ali! As always, your thoughts are inspiring and give us gentle reminders about how to re-focus our body image and, ultimately, our lives. Hoping to seemore of these posts and your newsletters, etc.
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24. Elizabeth said on February 29, 2012
Great post, Ali! As always, your thoughts are inspiring and give us gentle reminders about how to re-focus our body image and, ultimately, our lives. Hoping to seemore of these posts and your newsletters, etc.
Reply
25. Nicole said on February 29, 2012
Wonderful blog post Ali! I especially love the part about expanding your definition of femininity. “Receiving is code for the confidence of being deserving”…doesn’t get more true than that! Thanks Ali for your wise words…very much hope to see more of these posts!
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26. Gena said on February 29, 2012
What a wonderful piece, Ali! And so appropriate, in time for NEDA week.
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27. Athena Mannings said on March 4, 2012
Ever since reading your last post on this blog, I wondered when we’d hear from you again. Well, it was worth the wait. The underlying message of your post seemsto be about acceptance and being true to ourselves. If us women can’t help each other out in a community, then who can? Thank you for a well-written post, hope tohear more from you again soon. In the meantime, I’m going to go over to your blog and read some more. Wonderful post!
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